Robin Thicke's Acting Debut Is As Terrible As You Would Expect It to Be

July 23, 2014, 3:30 pm

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Hats off to Vulture who dredged up Robin Thicke's acting debut from the far corners of on-demand programming. Back in 2012, a full year before Thicke would find success (and notoreity) with "Blurred Lines" and two years before he'd embarrass himself with his sad-sack "win her back" album, Paula, the singer appeared in a movie opposite Jaime Pressly called Abby in the Summer -- later renamed Making the Rules. In the "film," he played a skeevy Silver Lake hairdresser who seduces his ex (Pressly), a chef with a rocky marriage. In the above super cut of some of Thicke's best (worst?) scenes, we watch him smirk, brood, squint, and breathily say things like, "You know, I think of you all the time. When you left without saying anything? That was fucked up." And, since Pressly's character happens to share the same name as this writer, we can't stop getting extra strong douche chills whenever we hear Thicke half-whisper "Abby..."

Trigger warning: there's a really squirm-inducing makeout shot at 1:19.

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This Kid Has Got His 'Hater Blockers' On, Y'all

July 24, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: The Range Shares His Pitchfork Tour Diary

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Brandon's got his hater blockers on and he's about to enter DGAFland. [via The Clearly Dope]

This clip of a little girl and her dad performing a choreographed dance routine to Ariana Grande's "Problem" is the best. [via Tastefully Offensive]

As if that '90s-era pic of The Rock with a fanny pack, turtleneck and chain couldn't get any better, some Tumblr user added "subtle sass." [via andrope]

Props to that guy from 1873. [via F You No F Me]

Fred Armisen made this spot for Heineken in which he calls a NYC payphone and speaks to strangers on the street, inviting them to come inside a building. It's pretty cool to see what happens next when a few people follow orders. [via Paste]

She's in her mum's car -- BROOM BROOM. [via Gawker]

Broadway queen Audra McDonald went on the Tonight Show last night and sang jazzy renditions of Yahoo! answers. It's pretty damn great. [via Tonight Show]

The Range Shares His Pitchfork Tour Diary

July 24, 2014, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Willie Nelson Talks to Designer John Varvatos About Music, Nudie Suits and Trigger -- Nelson's Trusty Geetar

≪ Previous: This Kid Has Got His 'Hater Blockers' On, Y'all

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Throughout the summer, we're following around some of our favorite bands and DJs as they head out on tour. In each installment, these road dogs will be sharing a photo diary and sharing stories about what they do, see, and hear and eat while criss-crossing the country and the globe. Next up: buzzy, Providence-based producer The Range (a.k.a. James Hinton), who headed to Chicago this past weekend to play the Pitchfork Music Fest. Here, he tells us about "PBR Breakfasts," sweltering after parties and an interview with a puppet.

I had played a show in Toronto on Friday and took a really early flight into Chicago Saturday morning. As soon as I landed in Chicago, I headed to my Airbnb in Wicker Park. It was a really, really nice spot and it turned out that the guy who owns it had gone to the same art residency that my girlfriend is at now. It was a nice and funny introduction. He told me about the layout in Wicker Park and about this great taco place whose name I forget.

I met my friend Akshay, his girlfriend and another friend for brunch at Longman & Eagle. I was a little late so by the time I got there, they'd already finished two drinks. They were telling me how they had had a three-course cocktail meal the night before at The Aviary so they were all in pretty bad shape. I ordered something called the "PBR Breakfast" but I had to decline the PBR unfortunately because I was so tired so I just had coffee, bacon, potatoes and scrambled eggs, which were really nice.

I played Pitchfork at 4:45 and my call time on site was 2pm. We finished brunch around 1:30 so I had to rush over to make sure I got to the fest and got all my credentials and everything. After I got into the fest, I had the chance to say hello to Mas Ysa who I'd met at the Pitchfork CMJ showcase the October prior. Since my set-up was pretty quick, I got the chance to watch him for a little bit.

It was pretty crazy to be up onstage. I feel like my life would be very different if Pitchfork wasn't involved in it. It felt like I was coming back around this big circle that started in October when my album came out [and Pitchfork reviewed it]. Most of my shows have been support shows where people might know one song but in this case, I got the sense that people knew most of what I've put out, which is pretty cool and special when you don't have that every night. I was trying to enjoy it as much as I could as opposed to worry a little bit, which I usually do.

I think the set went amazingly well. I've been playing a lot of really new stuff that I'm hoping to put on my next album. Usually people are excited about stuff they've already heard but then the excitement drops off when you play something they haven't heard before. For a DJ, too, it's hard to know whether the excitement is about a song [by someone else] you're putting on versus something you created yourself. But people even clapped between the lulls of my set, which was really unexpected and cool. I'm still on cloud nine. I think it was one of the best shows I've ever played.

This is Mike from Supreme Cuts who are from Chicago. They're some of the first friends I made online. They had asked me to do a remix way back in 2012.  I was lucky that they were in town. I had asked them to come to the festival so it was nice to get a friendly face.

For the most part, [a lot of the bands] wanted to hang out and talk to each other. I think it's because it's the one time you get to hang out with people you either met once or know just because of the Pitchfork connection between everyone.  I think people might think these situations in the artist dressing rooms or in the VIP section would be standoffish but they weren't -- people were in a super good mood the whole time.

I had heard from [Kelela's DJ] Total Freedom that there was gonna be an after-party and there were rumors that Hudson Mohawke, who was playing the next day, had come in early and would be at this party. It ended up being inside this gallery space in Pilsen. When I went over there, I remember thinking, 'Oh, did we get the right neighborhood? Is this thing happening?' because it was a totally residential block but all of a sudden we pulled up and heard music and people were hanging out outside. I remember it getting really, really hot and there was no water there -- only beer, which wasn't a good combination of things. When Kelela got in and got on the mic, it was crazy.  People were going nuts. I haven't been to a party like that in a while. It was fun to see the kids come out, no inhibitions, being much more open and living in the moment than people who do this for a living and for whom it's just another night.

I left around 2:45 or 3am, right before Hudson Mohawke went on. I sort of wish I had stayed but I realized it was probably not possible because I was really tired, didn't have any water and had only been drinking beers.

Whenever I actually have a crazy night where I should probably sleep for 12 hours, I only sleep for 6 so I woke up around 9:30am on Sunday. I texted my friends that I wanted coffee because it was going to save my life at this point. We met up around 11:30 and my friend Akshay wanted to try Intelligentsia so we went to the location in Logan Square. It was really good.

Since it was pretty hot at that point, I decided to get this milkshake that had vanilla ice cream with four shots of espresso. I probably should've just had hot coffee that I could take with me but that milkshake was perfect. I couldn't even finish the whole thing -- I would've been completely wired by the time I got to the festival.

I left my friends at Intelligentsia to catch Deafheaven at 2:30. I'd fallen in love with their album and really wanted to see them live. I had this one dream where I was their drummer -- it was the best dream of my whole life. Their set was amazing and everything I had hoped it would be. Their [musicianship] is really, really strong -- they weren't doing any studio magic to get those sounds on their record.

After Deafheaven, I met up with Jon Hopkins (right) and his manager, David (left). I had been playing shows on Jon's tour. I was interested to see how his set would go because across the festival, ScHoolboy Q was playing and even though he was multiple football fields away, you could feel the air from his subs. But Jon went for it and embraced the fact that his set was outside and he played some piano stuff to open, showing another side to his music -- an open, melodic side. He was probably one of the top three acts I saw.

After Jon's set, I hung out, went and listened to Real Estate, got some food in the artists' dressing rooms, which were in this field house. My dressing room resembled an elementary school classroom -- there were crayons and construction paper everywhere. I ate some Korean BBQ for dinner, which was so, so good. At some point I saw that someone had Instagrammed a drawing of me. It was the first time that happened whereas when I went on tour with Chvrches, it seemed like every other Instagram they posted was a drawing of them.

This drawing is super weird and makes me look like a pig. I don't know who the other people in the drawing are. The more I look at it, the more I get this weird feeling.

I did a lot of press throughout the weekend and one of the outlets turned out to be a kids' show, which I didn't realize initially. I showed up, met a guy, and then he crouched down on the ground because I guess he was the voice of the puppet. I just thought he was the guy doing the interview at first. He would be talking normally like "Yeah, I'm excited to be at Pitchfork" then all of a sudden be like [in a cartoonish voice]: "What's your name?" They asked me about physics because I studied physics in college and that's in my bio and they asked me why Pluto was not a planet anymore. I was trying to explain why but obviously I don't think I could convincingly explain it to children so they pretended like I didn't like Pluto. This experience made me think about what it must be like for other people to go on Sesame Street.

After the interview, I caught DJ Spinn's set. Footwork is a really important thing for me so I wouldn't have missed Spinn's set for anything. DJ Rashad who, with Spinn, was the godfather -- if not the outright originator -- of footwork passed away recently so it was a super emotional set. Everyone onstage knew DJ Rashad and it was special and celebratory. Afterwards, [other big Chicago producers] like Deejay Earl, Traxman, DJ Gant-Man, Mano, Hollywood Holt posed in a photo.

For the rest of the festival, I spent time catching some of Grimes' set. Her situation is so interesting, like, does she go this hyper pop route like with that song she originally wrote for Rihanna or does she tow the line in the same world that her other songs like "Oblivion" are in? Her set seemed really polished. I ran back after it was over to see Hudson Mohawke since I had missed him at the party. He did a great job.

At the end of the night, I saw Kendrick and it was funny because his set was the final act of the festival so everyone [went] to the one stage. Young Chop, who made "Don't Like" by Chief Keef, was back there. He's an amazing Internet person. Kelela was back there as was Mas Ysa and all the people from Spinn's crew. DIIV and Sky Ferreira, Real Estate -- they were all back there. It was a cool moment.

After the festival was over, I got a text from Jon Hopkins asking if I wanted to go to a Warp party at this club called Primary. I met up with him and his manager around 10:20 and went to the party but no one had gotten away from the festival yet so we hopped over to this bar for a drink called The Lodge where they let you throw peanuts on the floor. The waitress was charging $3 drinks when they must've been at least $8. By the time we finished a few rounds there, we went to the party and it was Dutch E Germ, Total Freedom and Jeremiah Jae who were there and Hudson Mohawke who played super late again. The club had an amazing sound system. I was tired so I left before HudMo's set again but I was glad to have caught him at the festival.

Snag The Range's debut LP, Nonfiction, HERE.

MORE TOUR DIARIES

Willie Nelson Talks to Designer John Varvatos About Music, Nudie Suits and Trigger -- Nelson's Trusty Geetar

July 24, 2014, 11:15 am

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Willie Nelson catches up with John Varvatos aboard the Honeysuckle Rose

"Willie would like to see you on his bus now."

For a country music fan, those words are the equivalent of inviting a Trekkie to spend time with Captain Kirk on the starship Enterprise. In terms of famous vehicles, Willie Nelson's bus, the Honeysuckle Rose, is up there with the Pequod from Moby-Dick and the Batmobile. When the "Red Headed Stranger" just can't wait to get on the road again, this is his trusty ride.

It's a Sunday afternoon in West Hollywood, and Nelson's mythical tour bus is parked on Melrose Avenue. Nelson, 81, is relaxing onboard, waiting to perform at John Varvatos' 11th Annual Stuart House Benefit, which raises funds for a program that serves sexually abused children.

Varvatos boards the bus with me. Nattily dressed in a Sgt. Pepper-style military jacket, the Detroit menswear designer, a beacon of old-school rock cool, is visibly giddy at the prospect of spending time with Nelson. Last year, Varvatos appointed the country legend and his sons, Lukas, 25, and Micah, 24, to be the faces of his brand's Fall/Winter 2013 campaign. At today's benefit, Nelson's sons will join their old man onstage to burn through a set of Willie's timeless hits.

As expected, a haze of pot smoke lingers on the luxury liner. Nelson beckons us over to his breakfast nook. A cartoonishly huge Cheech-and-Chong-sized joint rests, unlit, an arm's length away. Nelson flashes an impish smile, stretching the crinkles and crannies in a face that deserves to be chiseled on Mount Rushmore.

A celebrity-studded audience, which includes Amy Adams, Courtney Love, Gene Simmons and Jessica Simpson, has packed the venue, waiting for Nelson's performance. But on the Honeysuckle Rose he seems blissfully unfazed by the hullabaloo outside. Maybe it is because he is in his element. Or maybe it is what he is smoking.

AS: Willie, you're renowned for having a joke for every occasion. What's the last good zinger you heard?

WN: Lemme think... You know what they call a guitar player without a girlfriend? Homeless.

AS: That's a good one. John, you're from Detroit, and Willie, you're from Abbott, Texas, but you two seem to share a similar rebel sensibility. Why do you think you clicked when you worked together?

JV: We each have a pride in our roots, in where we started. If you lose track of that, you lose track of where you're going with your life.

AS: There are city blocks in Detroit that are bigger than Abbott, Texas.

WN: There are a lot of things in Detroit that are bigger than Abbott.

AS: Last year, Willie, you and your sons shot a video for Varvatos at the Salisbury House museum in Des Moines, Iowa. What was your experience doing the ad campaign?

WN: Well, the boys were there. We got to dress up. John's clothes look great, and we had fun doing it. We have fun every time me and the boys get together anyway, but if you get to dress up, that's even more fun.

AS: Willie, you're performing with your sons, Lukas and Micah, today. Why is it important for you to keep music a family affair?

WN: I have to keep an eye on 'em. It's just a lot of fun to play music with my sons, and they're really good, which makes it even better.

AS: Willie, who did you look up to in terms of style when you were a kid?

WN: I was a huge Gene Autry and Roy Rogers fan. I liked their sequins and embroidered shirts.

JV: The Nudie suits -- I'm sure you were into those.

WN: Oh yeah, loved the Nudie clothes. They were cool.

AS: John, music is the cornerstone of Varvatos -- why is it important to you to incorporate icons like Willie Nelson in your work?

JV: It wasn't something I consciously tried to do. It happened organically. And it's blossomed into something that's become synonymous with the brand. If I thought about it too hard, I think I'd ruin it. Just this morning, Bob Ezrin [Alice Cooper's producer] was introducing me to a big record producer, and he said, "John's more of a music guy; fashion's his part-time thing." I took that as a huge compliment.
 
AS: Why'd you pick Willie?

JV: With Willie, you can't put him in a box. When you think about all the music that he's played, he's one of the few artists in music history that doesn't fit neatly into any one genre. I don't think too hard about conveying a particular message with who we pick for our campaigns. It's about working with icons. Willie's music is transcendent. When you go to Willie's shows, it's a very broad demographic in the audience. There aren't many artists who are able to cross generations like that.

AS: Speaking of icons, Trigger, Willie's guitar, is an icon in its own right. Do you have an article of clothing that has as much wear and tear as Trigger does?

WN:[long pause] No. [laughs]

JV: I have a simple black motorcycle jacket that I've had since I was in high school. I saved every penny from delivering newspapers to buy it. It fits me a bit slimmer now than it did back in the day, which is cool. It's the one piece where, if there was a fire, it's the one article of clothing I'd want to save. But it doesn't have as many stories in it as Trigger does. How old is Trigger?

WN: He's 50 years old now.

JV: So yeah, he's not as old as Trigger, but I have a lot of good memories with that jacket. The jacket is beat up and crusty now. But like Trigger has that hole in the middle -- that changes the whole tone, right?

WN:, Yeah. Each time Trigger's hole gets a little bigger, the tone changes.

AS: How much thought do you put into what you wear onstage?

WN: None. I just need a clean T-shirt.

JV: Annie [Nelson's wife] wants him to think about it.

Annie Nelson: [from the back of the bus] But that's what people look for in Willie! They like that he doesn't care.

AS: John, what can the average guy learn from Willie's sense of style?

JV: Be yourself. Be comfortable. Follow your own path. It's what he's done with his music and with his style. Don't try to be anybody else. It's about style and not fashion. You can wear a black T-shirt and blue jeans, but it's about how you carry yourself and your aura.

AS: Willie, I play guitar, and I'd be foolish not to ask: what's the best advice you could give to a guitar picker?

AN: Get a real job.

WN: Ha! That's funny. There's a line in a song I just recorded: "Our mothers don't know what we're doing and why we stay up all night long / I told mine I was a drug dealer and she said, 'Thank God you're not writing songs.'"

AS: And John, what advice would you give to someone starting out in fashion?

JV: Be a sponge. Listen to people when you have the opportunity to learn.

AS: Thanks for your time, it's been a...

WN: Wait, I was gonna tell you another joke.

AS: Please. Go for it.

WN: In a house of ill repute, there was a couple on the second floor gettin' it on. They got too close to the window, and they fell out and onto the ground. But they just kept on going at it. Then a drunk walks up and knocks on the brothel door and says, "Ma'am, your sign fell down."

JV: I think you just got the perfect ending to this interview.

Beyoncé's New Stripped Down Version of "Crazy In Love" from the Fifty Shades Trailer Is So, So Good

July 24, 2014, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Lily Allen's New Video Is One Big Ode to Glastonbury Festival

≪ Previous: Willie Nelson Talks to Designer John Varvatos About Music, Nudie Suits and Trigger -- Nelson's Trusty Geetar

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Our takeaways from the brand new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer? Jamie Dornan is really, really good at that smoldering, Patrick Bateman-esque stare (but looks better with a beard), there's a scene-stealing jazz poster, and Beyoncé's sinister, slowed-down version of "Crazy In Love" is really, really good. The breathy "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no" at the very end even manages to sound sexier than the raunchiest lyrics on "Drunk In Love" or "Partition." Watch the trailer and listen to the new song, above.

Lily Allen's New Video Is One Big Ode to Glastonbury Festival

July 24, 2014, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: "They're Basics. I Pray for Them:" A Chat with Internet Sensation Baddie Winkle

≪ Previous: Beyoncé's New Stripped Down Version of "Crazy In Love" from the Fifty Shades Trailer Is So, So Good

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Our cover girl Lily Allen's latest video for the Sheezus single, "As Long As I Got You," is a colorful ode to the Glastonbury Festival, which is fitting since the singer tells us in the clip that she's been attending the fest since birth and even met her husband Sam Cooper there five years ago. The video opens with Allen showing old photos taken on the festival grounds at Worthy Farm before segueing to shots of her dancing around alongside fans -- a peppy accompaniment to the track's Bo Diddley beat and New Orleans-style accordion. Take a look above.

Sheezus is out now.

"They're Basics. I Pray for Them:" A Chat with Internet Sensation Baddie Winkle

July 24, 2014, 2:00 pm

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By now you're likely familiar with Baddie Winkle, the octogenarian social media superstar who popped up like a trill daisy on Twitter and Instagram this April, delighting the Internet with her streetwear, pot-leaf socks and sassy captions. Since then, the 86-year-old has gained hundreds of thousands of followers via posts that pray for the basics, leave haters in the dust and make a great case for age being nothing but a number. With a little help from her great-granddaughter, Baddie is showing countless people around the world that it's never too late to don a Beyoncé t-shirt and twerk in bike shorts. I talked to Ms. Winkle (she asked that we not use her real name) to learn more about the woman in front of the camera and behind the tweets.

How did this whole thing get started?

I was staying with my granddaughter one week -- or my great-granddaughter, rather, and we were just fooling around. She said, "Why don't we do this, Granna?" And so we did. We had no idea that it was going to go the way it has. It was started by fun and just went from there.

Tell me about your life! Where are you from?    

I'm from Eastern Kentucky, born in Hazard. My father was a coal miner. Then we moved to a small town that was soon after hit by a tornado. I've had a hard life all my life. My husband died thirty years ago and my son died fifteen years ago, so it's been very traumatic for me. Then we came up with this and it's been such a great motivator.    

I hope you know that so many people are getting enjoyment out of it.   

Well thank you. I wish I could meet everybody that follows me, but that's impossible. I've talked to people in countries like Poland to, well, everywhere. I've got a lot of followers overseas, which surprised the devil out of me. Countries I've never even heard of. I had to look them up just to see where they are.


Lots of your posts show you being active -- dancing, doing water aerobics, using a slip-and-slide. That's so impressive at age 86. How do you stay in such great shape? 

Well, I stay active. I'm never still. I'm up doing something all the time, and I've always been pretty healthy. I've worked hard all my life. Up until two years ago, I was mowing fifteen acres on my farm for about fourteen years straight. Then I moved from my farm into town. I also go to water aerobics three days a week to exercise and play ball. I'm pretty healthy, and I thank the lord for that, but I really hope I can get other old people moving.

Do you hope to inspire other seniors to become social media stars?

Even in my old age, I've never really done anything noteworthy until now. I would love to get other old people active instead of just sitting around all day doing nothing, acting like life is over.

How do you feel about young people today?  

Oh my gosh -- young people today are nothing like when I was young. I mean nothing like it. There were no drugs, no drinking, no wild parties like the kids today. I just think it's terrible the way kids act now. But don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good kids too, and I'm here for everybody. They absolutely love me. I'm like their Granna. You know what? I'm like the world's Granna.


You call people "basic" a lot. Can you define the term?  

There's a lot of people that don't like me. They hate me. They want me to die. They put that on Twitter! They want nothing to do with me. There are even fakes like GrannyWinkle, but that's just not me. I'm Baddie Winkle. We've tried to get them off of Twitter and we will eventually. They're basics. I pray for them.

The 12 Biggest Cliches of Life Today

July 24, 2014, 2:25 pm

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Life today is full of clichés -- but even that sounds like a cliché! There's just no avoiding the parade of banal obviousness, so let me name the 12 most prevalent -- and offensive -- examples, then duck under the nearest cliché for cover.

1) If you go Dutch on a group dinner at a restaurant and you order the $8 clams, the $16 chicken, and a Diet Coke, your share of the bill will come to $150.

2) Every meal you're served will involve either kale, quinoa, or both -- even if you only ordered clams and chicken! And you can float it all down with a kale smoothie, followed by a quinoa spritzer, leading up to some kale and quinoa crème brulee topped with kale cream and quinoa sprinkles. The two delightful food items will reunite once again as you spew large chunks.

3) An aging pop singer/songwriter will be approached to do a Broadway jukebox musical which will consist of a watered down version of their life story interspersed with second-hand performances of their hit songs. They'll agree to it, as long as a family member produces (and sanitizes) it. They will then refuse to see the show, allegedly out of deep-seated fear, but finally they'll be coerced to do so -- by a publicist -- and will decide it's the best thing since fluffernutter sandwiches, after which they won't stop hocking it in your face for years. With kale juice.

4) Broadway audience members will text, eat, drink, talk, and answer the phone all through the show. And at the end, they will stand and cheer.

5) A celebrity won't answer a nice tweet because they're just so darned busy and overwhelmed by all their fans to personally deal with any of them. But call them a name or disagree with their politics and they're screeching right back at you, their fingers raw from all the righteous replying! I'm tempted to provoke some of them with just such a tweet, mainly so I can brag about my array of "Your mother sucks cocks in hell" messages from major icons.

6) Someone wildly untalented will start a kickstarter campaign for an allegedly amazing new video/feature/documentary they're just burning to make. By sheer aggression and other manipulative tactics, they will hoodwink you into funding something that will ultimately have you begging them to remove your credit on it.

7) An unattractive rock star will break up with his wife for a young Peruvian model. The new relationship will last a record-breaking two and a half weeks. The wife will take him back until the next model comes along.

8) Every new club in town will be billed as an exciting innovation which redefines everything nightlife has ever represented. You breathlessly walk in on opening night and see...table after table of bottle service!

9) A Thai restaurant will turn into a ramen noodle restaurant.

10) A ramen noodle restaurant will turn into a Greek taverna.

11) Your unemployed friend will leave New York City, giving that old alibi, "There's just no edge left." I'm sure her new studio apartment in Provo will be majorly groundbreaking.

12) A new song that isn't "feat." some extra artist will seem positively undernourished and go completely unnoticed. As a result, no one will ever dare to sing an uninterrupted solo again.

*And here's a bonus cliché -- yes, lucky number 13:

Someone will do a "list-icle" just like this one, consisting of the 12 biggest such and such. They'll even include a bonus cliché. And people will chime in with the inevitable, "But you forgot so and so!" So go ahead, people. Fulfill your part of the cliché bargain. Lord knows I've fulfilled mine.

---

Morgan Freeman On Helium Is the Best

July 25, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Sneaker Con: Our Top Kicks Picks

≪ Previous: The 12 Biggest Cliches of Life Today

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Morgan Freeman went on the Tonight Show last night and Jimmy Fallon convinced him to do an interview while on helium. We'd still let him narrate the March of the Penguins. [via Tonight Show]

Your deeply weird Internet zen koan of the day: "you could stop at five or six stores...or just one." [via F Yeah Dementia]

Peep a rare video of Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch's old, pre-SNL comedy show that ran at Second City and UCB. [via Splitsider]

Get 'em while they're hawt. [via F You No F Me]

The queen photobombed two Australian athletes' selfie. Awesome. [via HuffPo UK]

Presented without comment: Chinese cabbage pin-up girls. [via Laughing Squid]

<3 my BFF Bort. [via Pleated Jeans]

Just hold on, we're going home. [via F Yeah Dementia]

Does this Guy Fieri cake come in Donkey Sauce flavor? [via Rats Off]

Happy Friday, y'all! [via Knusprig Titten Hitler]

Sneaker Con: Our Top Kicks Picks

July 25, 2014, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Watch MNEK's Tender -- and Trippy -- New Video, "Wrote A Song About You"

≪ Previous: Morgan Freeman On Helium Is the Best

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Sneakers are everything for a lot of boys, especially if you're a boy between the ages of 12-21 who likes sports -- or even know anyone who likes sports. My son, Nissim, is one of these "sneakerheads" and tipped me off to Sneaker Con, which is happening this Saturday on Pier 94. As their site reads: Sneaker Con is the premier traveling event for sneaker connoisseurs to buy, sell and trade some of the most sought after footwear on the market. After doubling in size since last year, this year's Sneaker Con has over 350 vendors including several accessories, apparel and footwear brands bringing exclusive releases to the event. A major highlight of the event is the culmination of the Ace of Customs competition, in which four finalists  -- narrowed down from twenty participants -- will compete live to see who can best customize a pair of British Knights Control kicks.

Ahead of Sneaker Con, I asked Nissim to single out some of the sneakers he expects will be big among collectors this year.

The Doernbecher Collection
The Doernbecher Collection is probably the most exclusive collection of Nikes and is designed by patients in the Doernbecher children's hospital in Oregon. All profits from these shoes go to the hospital; the program has been going on for 11 years and has raised nearly 8 million dollars.

Space Jam 11s
Released around the 2000's. These are the shoes MJ wore in the movie Space Jam, a shout out to his wearing the 11s during the 1995-96 NBA championships after first getting slapped with $5000 fines for wearing a pair of Air Jordan Concord 11s that didn't match the Bulls' colorway. Nike went on to release this model to consumers in 2000 and many people even treated the shoes like formal wear, putting them on in place of dress shoes. They've been retroed multiple times.

Air Yeezys
Last but definitely not least is the sneaker known by perhaps everyone: the Kanye West-designed Nike Air Yeezy 2 Red Octobers. In addition to being some of the most well-known shoes they're also some of the most expensive, re-selling for around $5,000 after initially selling out in minutes after their launch this past February. Kanye has now stopped working with Nike and is preparing to release a line for Adidas.

Watch MNEK's Tender -- and Trippy -- New Video, "Wrote A Song About You"

July 25, 2014, 11:45 am

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We're crazy about 19-year-old British soulster MNEK's warm-weather jam, "Every Little Word," and now he's released a throwback video for his latest '90s-esque house single, "Wrote A Song About You." Bristol-based animator RUFFMERCY, the brain behind Lily Allen's "Sheezus" and Disclosure's "F For You" videos, created the trippy squiggles and flashing neon graphics that surround MNEK throughout the clip.

The track itself is a broken love song with lonely lyrics disguised by MNEK's bright melodies and sharp, electronic instrumentation. It's a marriage that seems to be dominating the UK music scene right now -- people love to cry, but not in the sobbing, piano-driven, ferociously scribbling in your diary way. That's so pasé. Tears should only be shed while dancing in a dark club with a vodka tonic in-hand, and MNEK serves up the proper anthem to do so. Check it out above.

Friday Superlatives: The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

July 25, 2014, 12:10 pm

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Most planet-like booty: Nicki Minaj's.
Our girl Nicki's larger-than-life booty has been kept hidden for all these years, and we're not sure why... or even how. If you weren't already paying attention to the upcoming release of her lead single "Anaconda," now you simply have no choice. Do you think she requires a special seat on commercial airplanes? We're impressed, Nicki. -- Justin Moran

Creepiest Piece of Furniture Ever:
This skin chair. British designer Gigi Barker has apparently been working all of her life on a piece of furniture designed to feel just like human skin-so basically, her life's goal has been to entirely skeez everyone out. The chair is made out of a "phermone-impregnanted silicone base" that's made to feel just like flesh, and even has the scent of skin. That one line from Silence of the Lambs about running lotion on your skin is on repeat in our heads right now. via Jezebel -- Mally Espaillat

Most Wholesome Way to Make a Political Statement:
Kristen Bell singing as Mary Poppins in Funny or Die's "Mary Poppins Quits" video. Poppins is sick of working for minimum wage and sings to the kids that just a three dollar increase would actually make a living wage, not a spoonful of sugar like we previously thought. The best line though? Supercalifragilisticexpiali-bullshit. Yes. via Funny or Die --M.E.


Most likely to be a No. 1 hit: Macy Rodman's "Eat Ur Makeup"  
Mrs. Williamsburg 2013 winner and Papermag bathing beauty Macy Rodman is back with her second fiery single "Eat Ur Makeup," which sounds like the result of Paula Abdul going into the recording studio wasted in 1988. Needless to say, it's pretty amazing. --J.M.

Best News About Underwear All Week:
Britney Spears' new line of lingerie, The Intimate Collection. Although the line won't be released until September, Brit has posted a photo of one of the ads for the collection on Instagram. If the pieces are anything like her "Slave 4 U" phase, we're more than ready. via Jezebel --M.E.

Best Counter-Protest Tumblr:
A couple goes to a pro-life protest and basically troll everyone there by making random signs. I mean, no one is really working to bring Crystal Pepsi back, but these two are making things happen. via Saturday Chores --M.E.



Best Collaboration of a Dynamic Duo:
Kate Moss and Stella McCartney. The friends have paired up once again for Stella's Winter '14 ad campaign, where Kate looks better than ever (how?!) and even appears in a short film for the line. via Daily Mail. --M.E.

Best Photos of a Celeb Doing Something Strange on a Yacht:
Leonardo DiCaprio doing karate in the middle of the ocean. He also has his hair up in a half- bun. Nerd.Alert. Then again, he's always been doing these moves. Check him out in Paper in September 1995. via Huffington Post. --M.E.

The Game of Thrones Blooper Reel is Glorious

July 28, 2014, 7:15 am

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Game of Thrones Blooper reel is very necessary. [Uproxx]


Jon Hamm was on the Tonight Show Friday and he and Jimmy Fallon spit food all over each other in this '80s cops sketch. [Uproxx]


Here's a super-cut of Disney Park employees falling down in their costumes. I know, it's mean, but watching Goofy tip over while horrified children watch is kiiiinda super funny.


Just a compilation of puppies and chunky dogs rolling down hills, because the Internet loves you and don't ever forget that. [TastefullyOffensive]
 

Sisyphean cute overload: Fox kits trying to go up a slide. Just mute the lame music. [TastefullyOffensive]

Same. [Mlkshk]
 
Oh noooooo: Here's a heart-melting clip of a 8-week-old puppy named Clyde snuggling a baby. Too much, too much. [TastefullyOfffensive]

Hate you, Monday. [Mlkshk]

Why Everyone From Rihanna to Diplo Loves London Fashion Label KTZ

July 28, 2014, 9:00 am

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"Having an appreciation of everything triggers what we do," says Marjan Pejoski, who along with Sasko Bezovski has developed a kindred following of cult-cool connoisseurs since 2003 with their London-based fashion label KTZ. "It is always about travel and music. It's really about celebrating the world's culture." For their fall 2014 collection the Macedonian-born duo traveled to Morocco, where they were inspired by "the mixture of traditional clothing with something current like a puffer jacket or Nikes," says Pejoski. Their trip led to further research into Northern Africa, including the nomadic Berber tribes; the result is a dense array of hooded outerwear over airy tunics, full skirts and leggings -- all covered in black-and-white geometric patterns and mirrored embroideries.

Short for Kokon To Zai, the name of a cabinet-of-curiosities-style store they opened in 1996 on Greek Street in London's Soho neighborhood, KTZ developed its aggregated aesthetic from the shop's reputation as a collaborative hub for like-minded creatives. "The store was centered around the music and club scene, but it was like a little laboratory of developing and doing things," says Pejoski of the installations, performances and parties they produced. The duo opened a second location in Notting Hill in 2008.

Like their store, much of KTZ's point of view is tied to music. Bezovski toured the world as a DJ in the '90s, and Pejoski designed outfits for Björk, including her infamous 2001 Oscars swan dress; the brand counts Diplo, A-Trak and Rihanna as fans and collaborators. "Vision without musical expression is like watching a silent movie," says Pejoski. "People in the music industry have always been pioneers of our collection and fashion in general." Bringing together different worlds is the essence of KTZ. "Kokon To Zai means 'from all you knew from East to West' in Japanese," says Pejoski. "In short, it means everything goes."

Photos courtesy of © Catwalkpictures.com

Karen O Releases the First Video Off Her First-Ever Solo Album

July 28, 2014, 9:30 am

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Yeah Yeah Yeahs frontwoman Karen O is gearing up to release her debut solo album, Crush Songs, this fall and today she's shared the first track and video from the project, "Rapt." The clip, directed by her husband Barney Clay, features the singer in a voluminous red gown floating underwater; it's a suitably meditative accompaniment to the lo-fi, woozy song. The video's production designer, K.K. Barrett, also worked with Karen on the artist's 2011 opera, Stop the Virgens, and received an Oscar nomination for his production design work on Her.

Crush Songs is out via Cult Records on September 9

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Azealia Banks Is Back With New Single "Heavy Metal and Reflective"

July 28, 2014, 9:45 am

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Following a nearly two-year delay of her debut album Broke With Expensive Taste, former Paper cover star Azealia Banks is finally free of her contract with Interscope Records and has released a new single, available on iTunes in the U.S. tomorrow (it's avilable in New Zealand today), via "Azealia Banks Records." It's a promising start: "Heavy Metal and Reflective," produced by collaborator Lil Internet, features Azealia at her scrappy, bass-booming best. Check it out above.

New Party Alert! Papi Juice at One Last Shag

July 28, 2014, 10:30 am

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It's still often difficult in New York City for queer people of color to find parties where they feel comfortable, visible, and cute. With this in mind DJs Oscar Nñ and Adam R, artist Mohammed Fayaz, and photographer Cristobal Guerra dreamed up the Brooklyn monthly party Papi Juice at One Last Shag in Bed Stuy. "We would go to certain bars in the city and Brooklyn and feel invisible," Adam says. "I'd be like 'oh, I want to feel cute tonight, I want to dance and feel like people are looking at me too.'"  

When you hit the dance floor at Papi Juice, you'll find everything from Oscar Nñ's mix of classic salsa, merengue, hip-hop and R&B to Adam R's "black barbeque music," -- slower '80s funk, soul, and disco (think Chaka Khan, Diana Ross, or any female vocalist going off to funky beats). The two DJs' different styles and the occasional guest set from the likes of Juliana Huxtable, comes together to produce "black and brown queer music, Oscar explains. And it's evident that the crowd lives for it because the dance floor is almost uncomfortably packed with black and brown bodies moving to the beats.

But the way the party's hosts see it, the conversations happening in the backyard are equally as important as the music. "These conversations needed to be had and these brown and black people need to meet so they know they aren't alone," Oscar says.

"No matter where you go, I'm always encountering racism," says Adam Spinner, who attends the party regularly. "This party isn't 'aesthetically controlled' in the same way bars in Chelsea or Hells Kitchen are, and I appreciate that."

To keep tabs on when the next Papi Juice is going down, follow them on Facebook. We hear that the party will be combining forces with the Afropunk Fest next month in Brooklyn's Commodore Barry Park and will be one of the official After Dark party spots.

Photos by Cristobal Guerra

The 10 Best, Worst and Weirdest Celebrity Cookbooks

July 28, 2014, 11:30 am

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With the news last week that Kris Jenner is writing a cookbook -- er, sorry, "kookbook," -- In The Kitchen with Kris, we decided to put together a list of ten other of our favorite celebrity-penned food tomes. You'll laugh, you'll cry, but mainly you'll keep eating that Big Mac and fries on the table in front of you, and wondering who the hell actually buys these.

1. #Meal Time by 2 Chainz, released in conjunction with B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time (Based On A TRUE Story 2)

Most Detailed Instructions: Garlicky Green Beans
The food is OK, but what makes this cookbook as valuable as the gold around 2 Chainz' neck are the instructions. Without them, you would never know you had to invite Fergie over to endlessly scroll through Netflix before you start prepping your garlic green beans.

2. It's All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great by Gwyneth Paltrow

Most Edible-Looking Recipe: Chicken Burgers, Thai Style
After seeing Gwyn cook up countless goops of colorless "food", this recipe actually looks like something you would eat when you want to feel happy and not like you're eating for survival, whatever that means.

3. Cookin' With Coolio: 5 Star Meals at a 1 Star Price by Coolio

Most Informative Recipe Name: Finger-Lickin', Rib-Stickin', Fall-Off-the-Bone-and-into-Your-Mouth Chicken
Is there anything else we need to know about the chicken?

4. Karma Cookbook: Great Tasting Dishes to Nourish Your Body and Feed Your Soul by Boy George

Most Political Recipe: Chickpea Corruption
Because we all know that chickpeas are behind every governmental conspiracy we've ever read on those pop-up ads online.

5. In the Kitchen With Miss Piggy: Fabulous Recipes From My Famous Celebrity Friends by Miss Piggy

Most Delicious-Sounding Semi-Homemade Recipe That'll Give Sandra Lee a Run For Her Money: Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownies
Miss Piggy, maybe if you had made these from the start Kermit would have been way more into dating -- or at least holding a conversation with you without running away.

6. The Kind Diet: A Simple Guide To Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the Planet by Alicia Silverstone

Burrito Recipe That Is Most Anti-Burrito: Alicia's Toasted Nori Burritos
The recipe includes nori, a plum, and an apple, which are all probably the most un-burrito ingredients we've ever heard of. Where's the guac, Cher?

7. The Real Girl's Kitchen by Haylie Duff

Fruitiest Salsa Recipe: Watermelon, Pineapple & Pine Nut Pico de Gallo
We know we're being generous by including Haylie Duff in our round-up of 'celebrity cookbooks' but we're not gonna lie -- this recipe is definitely something we would want at our barbecue. Plus tequila.

8. Livwise: Easy Recipes For A Healthy, Happy Life by Olivia Newton-John

Best Recipe That Doesn't Really Need a Recipe: Fruit Salad
Even though a recipe for nut cream is also included, we figured fruit salad is pretty much a no-brainer. Besides, mixing red and green grapes is a cardinal sin that everyone avoids when putting fruit in a bowl. Get it together, Sandy.

9. If It Makes You Healthy by Sheryl Crow

Best Use of Avocado in a Recipe: Lime-Kissed Stuffed Avocados
Here the avocado isn't a part of the meal -- it is the meal. We're okay with that.

10. The Tucci Cookbook by Stanley Tucci

Fanciest Recipe for an Ordinary Vegetable Meant for Martinis: Marinated Olives
The instructions call for fennel seeds, ground cardamon (what?), three different kind of olives, and orange zest-among other things. How about we just pour jarred olives into a bowl and call it a day?

Meet Buzzy Japanese Designer Kenta Matsuhige

July 28, 2014, 1:00 pm

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For the last 29 years, the Hyères International Festival of Fashion and Photography, which happens every spring in the gardens of Villa Noailles in the South of France, has showcased rising designers and photographers from around the world. This year's Grand Prix-award-winning designer is the Japanese-born Kenta Matsushige, an alum of Paris' Chambre Syndicale de la Couture, who created a collection of stark separates that are severe in silhouette but pastoral in palette. Inspired by "hinabi," a Japanese word referring to countryside beauty, as well as the Japanese island of Naoshima, where installations by minimalist artists like Lee Ufan and Walter de Maria interact with nature, Matsushige aimed to "find the balance of daily confrontations like art, nature, tradition and youth." Currently developing a collection to present to retailers during Paris Fashion Week this fall, Matsushige is ready to make his mark. "I can see the good side and bad side of both," says the designer of his Japanese heritage and Parisian training. "But now I think that it's important to find my own rules."

Jessie J's "Bang Bang" With Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande Is Your Monday Antidote

July 28, 2014, 4:00 pm

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Nicki Minaj may have pushed back the release of her new butt-tastic single "Anaconda"  from yesterday to next Monday, August 4th, but we've got this new Jessie J track, "Bang Bang," featuring Ms. Minaj and Ariana Grande to tide us over 'til then. "Who is a Jessie J? What is a Jessie J? When is a Jessie J?," you may be asking yourself of the UK pop star who, as Stereogum points out, has never really made much of a splash in the U.S. This track, however, could finally be her stateside sticking point, featuring an infectious hand-clap beat, some "Lady Marmalade"-level belting from Ms. Grande and a fun spot from Minaj. Give it a listen, or, if you're like us, multiple listens, below.