Top image: Walker Evans, "Broadway," 1930. © Walker Evans Archive, The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
When did you get on Twitter?
In 2009, but I never did anything with it. Finally I just started messing around, making fun of how the whores from high school are becoming soccer moms and are like, "Pray for my kid, he has a cold today." And I was like, "Look, I'm not gonna pray for your kid with the sniffles. Knock it off." People responded to that so then I started writing anything that popped into my twisted little head.
When you meet people who follow you on Twitter, do they expect you to be a jerk?
Yeah, they're surprised that I'm actually nice. I'm like, "What were you expecting? Roseanne Barr?"
You have a few different celebrities that you seem to go after more than others, including Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian. What's your online relationship with them like? Do they ever respond to your tweets?
I'm not a fan of Chris Brown's for obvious reasons. Hello, he beat up a girl. And
he was so unapologetic about it and then continued to do things that were
inappropriate -- like throwing chairs or saying homophobic things to
nightclub bouncers. He keeps telling people to "get over it." How do you get over it? Seriously? I saw [a tweet to Brown]
that said something like, "Why don't I beat the shit out of your mother and then three years later we'll just forget about it." I didn't write that but I thought it was really funny.
As for Kim Kardashian, the whole Kardashian family is famous based on the dad being OJ Simpson's defense attorney and then, really, with her making that sex tape. But no one ever acknowledges it! They're never like, "Gee, the reason everyone knows who we are is because Kim had sex with Ray J on camera and sold a tape, made money, and now we have shows, multiple shows and spin-offs." I don't have a real disdain for her but I just think she's delusional. For her to continue going on about how hard she's working, it's like, Oh my god, you sold jewelry on QVC! You're really going to compare that to working hard? She'll tweet something on a Tuesday like, "Oh god, just went to the gym. Two hour work-out and now I'm gonna go have breakfast with my mom. What's everyone else up to today?" Working at my job, Kim, like everyone else. We don't all get to go work out for two hours and then go hang out with our mom. Everyone else has to make a paycheck and pay their bills. I find it funny to poke fun at her because her problems are not real-people problems. And she doesn't seem to grasp that concept.
What would happen if you met Chris Brown?
Oh god, I'd probably run for the hills. He replied to a tweet once. I was proud that after six months of harassing the guy, all my hard work paid off
Are there any celebrities whose Twitter feeds you really like?
Danny Zuker who's a Modern Family producer. He's really, really funny. Rob Delaney, who's a comedian, is really
funny. My friend Kelly Oxford, she's a really talented writer. She lives in Canada and has a really funny blog and I know she's working on some TV and film scripts.
Things are really happening for her. Recently, I've gotten into Gary Janetti, who's Brad Goreski's boyfriend. I could favorite every one of his Tweets.
You recently left your job as a news producer, right?
Yes, I'm working on a TV pilot and putting together a book proposal. My literary agent and I are trying to come up with a book that's almost like a David Sedaris-type where each chapter is an essay. But each one is going to be about something I did growing up, like all the crazy things I did. I was a mess. I'm just going to start at the beginning and get to how I became this twisted person with my sense of humor.
What about the TV pilot?
Yeah, it'll be loosely based on my own life. I'm 33 and my husband is older than me and he's divorced and has two kids. I was never a person who wanted kids, so learning how to be a parent was sort of a process. And I did a lot of things wrong. I'd take them to the beach and they'd get so sunburned because I wouldn't think to put sunscreen on them. Now they're 16 and 19 but when we first got married, they were 8 and 11. The funny part was, I never really knew how to be around them but they instantly liked me. You always hear the nightmare story of kids hating the stepmom and the stepmom trying really hard, but it was kind of the opposite with me. I was trying to get away from the kids and they would follow me everywhere I went. That's gonna be what my pilot's about.
What does your husband think of your newfound Twitter celebrity status?
He loves it. It was funny -- when I was in the process of writing my jokes on Twitter and I was writing these ones that weren't hitting, he was like, "Jenny, you are the most disgusting person I have ever met in my life. You are far grosser than any guy I have ever met. Why don't you just write the things you say to me all the time?" So I did and I think I got a write-up in the Chicago Tribune or something
and I sent him the link and he showed it to a bunch of people he worked with. He works
for this very conservative oil and gas company and has to wear a suit everyday -- it's very, very
proper, so he comes home and was like, "Oh my god, everyone's following
you on Twitter now. I heard my boss use the word 'cunt' quoting something that you wrote."
I was like, "Whoopsie daisy, sorry about that." He just started laughing.
They think it's funny. They know that so much of what I write is blown out of proportion and exaggerated. There are times, though, when my mom will say something and it just writes itself. One time she asked me -- and I couldn't believe this -- she goes, "Does your friend Lori's brother still have Down Syndrome?"
I went, "No, mom, he walked it off! What?" So all I wrote was, "Seriously, my mom just asked me if my friend's brother still had Down Syndrome."
That's a joke that I just can't make up.
My stepdaughter is a sophomore in high school and she is full-on dramatic. She is just that typical teenager -- each day is more dramatic than the day before. I was never that way, so it's like having a foreign exchange student in the house sometimes. She just starts bursting into tears and I don't know what to do. My stepson is a freshman in college now and he's really into computers and not into sports -- he's not this guy's guy who wants to go hunting and fishing -- he's always liked to play with computer games. He's kind of nerdy, but a real sweet guy. They both get that I'm joking so anything I write, they don't care. They're more flattered that they're getting attention.What's the key to a successful Twitter account?
Write the things that you think are funny and that's what's gonna click with people.
Have you had enough of a break from the "Shit X Says" meme? Good, because here's "Shit Lana Del Rey Says." It's strangely mesmerizing and includes lines like, "I really love vintage film, like really old stuff from the 1990s." [via Buzzfeed]
Debbie Harry hanging out with muppets in cub scout uniforms a.k.a. just another Tuesday afternoon. [via Tall Whitney]
Who knew cords could be this mellow? [via The Clearly Dope]
Ready to rumble! [via The Clearly Dope]
Someone named their child Hashtag -- we repeat, SOMEONE NAMED THEIR CHILD 'HASHTAG.' [via Uproxx]
Though we don't know too many particulars about his role, we love this pic of Jason Schwarzman in character from Roman Coppola's new flick, A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III. [via Indie Wire]
Slap, slap, kiss, kiss. [via Knusprig Titten Hitler]
Dear Santa, please send me this keyboard and leave the pizza on it. [via Dorsey Shaw Experience]
Hot Chip's new music video has a FIFA player orgy at the end. [via Buzzfeed]
Exciting news from Portlandia, folks: Roseanne Barr, Patton Oswalt, Juliette Lewis, Bill Hader, George Wendt, Jim Gaffigan, Rose Byrne, Bobby Moynihan, tennis star Martina Navratilova, Dinosaur Jr.'s J Mascis and the Dirty Projectors will all have guest spots on the series. To boot, Chloe Sevigny will have a recurring role as Fred and Carrie's roommate. We.can't.wait. [Entertainment Weekly via Vulture]
The turkey is gone, so hopefully we've reached the day when it's okay to start the Christmas festivities. Let's kick it off with Cee Lo and The Muppets starring in the video for what sounds like a new holiday classic, "All I Need Is Love." (Admit it, "Jingle Bells" is played.) Cee Lo gets lost on his way to Hotlanta, but The Muppets take him in and the party gets rolling. It's a catchy tune and a cute video but there are more credits for this thing than a Star Wars film. And is that Darryl from The Office playing Santa? Why yes it is. Check it out above.
Be Sith lord chic this winter courtesy of J.W. Anderson. [via Selectism]
Scope Girls' Jemima Kirke modeling in the lookbook for newly-launched emoji-friendly jewelry line, Alison Lou. [via Refinery 29]
Alas, no H&M x Givenchy collab in the works after all (and, for that matter, no H&M designer collaborations this spring either). [via Racked]
Heads up to all our friends across the pond: Meadham Kirchoff has collaborated with Amazon UK on a men's and women's sweater collection entitled "Mother May I?" out December 3. [via Vogue UK]
The Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Ave., Williamsburg, Brooklyn
[Photo from the inaugural Brooklyn Rock Lottery, courtesy of Music Snobbery]
It is, I'll admit, not the most sophisticated of concepts. But it's [sic] origins come from a personal place--falling in love and biking in the city. (Like I said, not the most sophisticated of concepts). Lots of people have turned bike chains into hearts but what makes Lululemon's especially offensive is that it's a reprint of my exact drawing--minus a link.
Neil Patrick Harris has a new web series for Nerdist's YouTube channel called Neil's Puppet Dreams and, of course, it's delightful. (When is Neil Patrick Harris not being just totally charming and the best? Can he someday host a morning talk show with Michelle Obama and Connie Britton called "Sigh: Three People Who Are the Best, Being the Best, Because They Are the Best?") Harris' new web series centers on his dreams, stars puppets, and, based off this first episode, is probably not for kids. Check it out above. [Via Flavorwire]
MUSIC: Brooklyn Funk Fest at Paper Box
Here are some delightful behind-the-scenes clips of President Obama, captured by first cameraman Arun Chaudhary. This video is off the charts on the charm-o-meter. We're gonna need a bigger charm-o-meter! [TastefullyOffensive]
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Dolly Parton - "Love Is Like a Butterfly"|
Here's a clip (complete with outtakes) of Stephen Colbert and Dolly Parton performing a soothing duet together on last night's Colbert Report. Something super adorable happens at the 0:16 mark.
Liz & Dave. [CampBasement]
Novelty store Archie McPhee is now selling giant glow-in-the-dark googly eyes. (Because seeing giant, glowing eyes in your bedroom at night isn't scary at all, right kids?) [LaughingSquid]
Just in time for winter: the fun and festive bacon scarf by artist Natalie Luder.
An elephant named Peter (sob) jamming on a green piano (double sob). [TastefullyOffensive]
Darth Santa! [Reddit]
Just some ladies dressed as fish, having tea. [OldFilmsFlickr]
Gold star to the Oatmeal for this gem.
More cat cameos in Univision weather reports, please. [Towleroad]
Have a chill Wednesday. [Coinfarts]
Fans of Groundhog Day -- the movie -- will appreciate this kooky, time-warp video for "Free" by Darwin Deez. Mr. Deez is stuck in a convenience store, restocking cereal boxes while a customer keeps spilling her beverage. The North Carolina-based Paula Abdul fan and his band are releasing their second album, Songs For Imaginative People, in February and "Free" is the first single. They're on a short swing through Europe this week: London's XOYO tonight, La Boule Noire in Paris on the 29th and Magnet in Berlin on the 30th -- oh, sorry, that Berlin show is "Ausverkauft!". As the song says: "Life is a greenhouse gas."
It was sparkles or bust at last night's UNICEF Snowflake Ball in NYC (L-R: Katy Perry, Allison Williams, Selena Gomez). [via Styleite]
"He was such a handsome man. I remember I started crying when I saw his dreadlocks because I thought they were worms. But he was really, really gentle," Naomi Campbell says of meeting Bob Marley as a 7-year old in the new issues of Interview Russia and Interview Germany. [via Fashionista]
Congrats are in order for Stella McCartney who took home 'Designer of the Year' and 'Designer Brand of the Year' at the British Fashion Awards last night. During her acceptance speech she told the crowd that her boss at Chloe once told her, "You will live to regret this. You will fail...never in the history of fashion [has there] been a British fashion house with a woman's name on the label that has ever been truly global," when she announced she was moving back to London to start her own line. Stella -- clearly you get another trophy: the Last Laugh Award of the Night. [via Telegraph]
Jeremy Scott designed this cuckoo winged Smart Car for the auto brand. Their target demo is urban 18-40-year-olds who smoke Bugler hand-rolled cigs and wear drop-crotch pants. [via WWD]
Kate Middleton has bangs now. That is all. [via Fashionista]
Joan Smalls poses with voguers in the new issue of Vogue Japan. (We love that idea!) [via Fashion Bomb Daily]
Ooh, it's the new Kenzo Fall/Winter '12 campaign starring Xiao Wen! [via High Snobette]
Valentino says too many young designers these days are cutting corners by draping (and not actually designing their looks). [via Fashion Etc.]