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Nu Shooz's "I Can't Wait" Is Still Such a Jam

Here's a group from Portland, Oregon, that was cool before everybody started moving out there. Sadly, Nu Shooz was pretty much a one-hit-wonder -- make that one-and-a-half, if you count "Point of No Return" -- but their other track -- "I Can't Wait" -- managed to reach #3 on the pop chart in 1986. The group's founders, the husband and wife team of Valerie Day and John Smith, took a convoluted route to success when the song was originally released and ignored; fortunately a remix appeared in the Netherlands and it took off. The video was directed by another Portlandian, Jim Blashfield, who was one of the early '80s MTV music video pioneers and award winners.

The 10 Weirdest Pieces of Merch Ever Sold By Rappers

It appears that when rappers hit a certain level of fame, they're advised that anything they stamp their name on will sell. Over the last few decades, some artists have decided to corner some very niche markets by shilling some very weird merch. From single gloves to face tattoo apps, we round up some of the most outlandish products ever sold by your favorite MCs.

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 12.16.01 PM.png
1. Yung Lean Single Glove and Lighter

The release of Yung Lean's second album Unknown Memory also introduced some strange Sad Boys merch. Not only do you get a lighter included in the bundle but it'll also "contain one glove with the hand side (Left/Right) selected randomly." It's perfect for that sad, one-handed smoker in your life.

pink wig.jpg

2. Nicki Minaj Pink Wig

While Nicki is currently known for her... other attributes, originally she was famous for her crazy outfits, including this pink wig, which has seen more red carpets than the average age of a One Direction member.


3. Wu Tang Clan 20th Anniversary Limited-Edition Nunchucks

For the 20th anniversary of Wu-Tang Clan's first album Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) they collabed with street style brand Rocksmith to create a capsule collection. While Wu-Tang was influenced by old kung fu movies, it's a bit up in the air what exactly you're supposed to use the nunchucks for. Just try not to hit yourself in the face.

2010-10-08-waka.jpg4. Waka Flocka Flame Mask

For Halloween 2010 Waka Flocka fans everywhere rejoiced as a $5.99 paper mask of the rapper's face was made available to support his Flockaveli album. It was the perfect costume for anyone who wanted to be dead eyed and neck tattooed for Halloween.

snoop-dogg-slipper-purple-velvet-house-shoes.jpg5. Snoop Dogg Slippers

Before his stint as Snoop Lion, the rapper started releasing branded slippers that are still available to purchase. It's probably the epitome of Snoop Dogg stoner-chic fashion -- what's better than rapping and smoking with comfy feet covered in purple velvet?

cups.jpg6. Juicy J Styrofoam Cup

With songs like "Codeine Cups" and a guest spot on "Double Cup," it's no surprise that Juicy J's merch continues the cup theme.

EMAM10_large.jpeg7. Eminem Pins

In a classic case of Eminem-has-no-idea-who-his-audience-is his merch includes enamel pins. The bros who listen to his music are very confused what you're supposed to do with an enamel pin.   

igy_ja_fan01_copy.png8. Iggy Azalea Cloth Fan

Iggy Azalea currently sells cloth fans printed with the cover art of her album The New Classic. This means that a bunch of Iggy Azalea fans have Iggy Azalea fans. 

6046198601_aa1c724ce2.jpg9. Big Pun Condoms

To support his 1998 album Capital Punishment, Big Pun released his own line of condoms. Why he thought people would use condoms stamped with 'Big Pun' is still a mystery.

Screenshot2011-03-11at12233PM-1.png10. Gucci Mane Face Tattoo App 

In a serious fit of self-awareness Gucci Mane released his own app that lets fans get a face tattoo without a lifetime of repercussions. Can't say the same for Gucci. 

02231138.jpgHonorable Mention: Drake Lint Rollers

After being caught lint rolling his pants during a basketball game earlier this year, the Toronto Raptors began handing out Drake branded lint rollers at their home games. Fans everywhere nodded and said "Yeah, that sounds like Drake." 

Some Observations on James Franco's Serial Killer Poems

Left: Photo via Vice; Right: Photo by Nina Prommer/PatrickMcMullan.com

James Franco, known for his stunning ability to make bread look terrifying (see above), just published a series of poems in Vice inspired by the serial killer, Richard Ramirez. Lately, the actor/etc. has been preoccupied with the idea of celebrity worship and his forthcoming book of "stories, pictures and poems" is titled Hollywood Dreaming. So it's fitting, but no less creepy, that Franco would develop a curious predilection for prolific killers, who, like celebrities, have fanatic followings of their own.

In the introduction to his Ramirez inspired poems, Franco writes, "These poems are an attempt to fuse Ramirez's life with lessons from my youth, when TV shows taught me what love and the good life looked like, and then I felt disappointment when my own love life didn't conform to these models. The feelings of a rejected or shy or insecure young man can be intense. They can provoke frightening emotions that feel as intense as murder."

In his own special way, James Franco might actually be tapping into something really important about depictions of women in pop culture that are presented to young men; there's a reason why this Columbia student has vowed to carry her mattress everywhere, to no avail. And it wasn't so long ago that Elliot Rodger wrote, "Start envisioning a world where WOMEN FEAR YOU," on a site dedicated to treating women as targets, before acting out on that threat.

Now more than ever, there seems to finally be a sense of what can happen when men feel entitled (and that entitlement is culturally reinforced) to something that was never theirs. The "Night Stalker" ended up on the extreme end of the violence spectrum, but (possibly?) Franco knows he is somewhere along that spectrum too. Franco adds, "I am trying to aestheticize extreme emotion -- not to celebrate a killer like Ramirez in any way, but to break from the normal forms of representation that are part of the problem in the first place, like movies, books, songs, and TV shows."

Okay! Now lets see how these murdery male poems ("Black Death," "California Legend," "Like A Virus," "Satan Out of His Shell") measure up to their hefty claims:

1. Black Death

If we're sticking to the story that James Franco is one of the genius writers of our time, then this poem is pretty effective in embodying Ramirez's hatred of women and what was probably a constant state of perceived emasculation. If we're not, then this poem is just really bad beat poet impression.

Funniest line that's probably not supposed to be funny: I once was a robber, now I'm a robber / Of souls.

2. California Legend

This poem is a really nice summary of Richard Ramirez's Wikipedia page.

Funniest line that's probably not supposed to be funny: There is nothing cool about murder.

3. Like A Virus

We really like Franco's casual abbreviation of "minute" to "min" in this poem (Think about the darkness a min). And yeah, fuck that guy who shot Lennon.

Funniest line that's probably not supposed to be funny: Don't use these poems faces, / Use these poems like equations / In Math

4. Satan Out of His Shell

Okay, let's take this one seriously because, in our humble opinion, this is by far the best poem of the set -- although that might not be saying much. Franco starts the poem with "The capture of Ramirez was comic and just" and proceeds with the detached tone of an observant story teller. Franco's poetry works best when he's not trying to sound like a Serious Poet. We also like his literary use of "bro."

A metaphor we actually liked: First across the highway / His old vein of death

But don't just take our word for it. Do you own Franco-deconstruction and read the poems in full over at Vice.

Tweedy Teams up With Comedic Genius Nick Offerman For "Low Key"


Together, Wilco's Jeff Tweedy and son Spencer Tweedy make up the sensibly named band, Tweedy. In the music video for "Low Key," directed by Parks and Recreation's Nick Offerman, the father-son duo play door-to-door record salesmen as they gloriously ride through cameo town. Unfortunately -- unlike us -- Conan O'Brien, John Hodgman, Chance The Rapper, Andy Richter, and the many other celebs featured have zero interest in buying Tweedy's record.

Tweedy's debut album Sukierae is out now on dBpm Records. Watch the video for "Low Key," above.

The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 4.28.27 PM.png[via Instagram]

Best 'Sun Belt Beauty' Makeover of the Week: Britney Spears, who debuted a conservative blonde bob and a white pantsuit at a European red carpet event. -- Abby Schreiber

Worst Sex Advice of the Week: The Duggars'. The family with "19 Kids and Counting" shared their questionable, not-so-sexy tips and tricks with Page Six. Number 1? "Always be available for sex." Yeah, we stopped reading after that. -- Gabby Bess

Best Ensemble Cast (of Zombies) in a Musical: The Bad Lip-Reading series invaded Walking Dead again, and in addition to lines like "There's always a little roach in my slender man undies," there's some just plain genius singing. The part at 2:30 made me spit tea all over my computer. -- James Rickman

Most Pretentious Social Media Start-Up: Ello. I mean c'mon it has a MANIFESTO. -- Kyla Bills

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 6.41.24 PM.pngMost Exciting New Fashion Campaign of the Week: Alexander Wang X H&M. The campaign features a mix of models and athletes wearing Wang's athleticwear-inspired designs. Among the sports stars are kickboxer Ribaldino dos Santos and soccer player Andy Carroll. *Sigh* -- Emily McEnroe (Photo by Mikael Jansson)

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 6.19.04 PM.pngBest Facial Hair of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix's gross-ass mutton chops in the new stills for Paul Thomas Anderson's Inherent Vice (one of our 10 New York Film Festival picks, by the by). They make use feel weird and itchy, just like most things from the '70s do. -- Elizabeth Thompson

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 4.42.43 PM.png[Photo courtesy of ABC]

Most 'Holy Shit' TV Premiere of the Week: Shonda Rhimes' How to Get Away With Murder. Whoa. Over the course of an hour, there was murder, an attempted murder, 1.5 steamy sex scenes, adultery, and a bunch of times you were reminded of Legally Blonde. -- A.S.

Most Informative Short Video on Tattoos: This one. Do you know where the idea for the tattoo gun came from? It was actually inspired by the stencil machine created by good ole' Thomas Edison! Who knew... -- E.M.

Hardest Choice We've Ever Had to Make: This one. @MaximumTrent is a @MaximumTroll, no doubt, but this still made us laugh. -- E.T.

Best Web Series Shot Entirely In a Car: This weirdly charming micro-series cuts to the raw, bloody core of Los Angeles: the freeways, the tanner, the saxophones, the ceaseless social/financial/sexual negotiations. "I bet you like it in the back." -- J.R.

Creepiest App Populated By Presumably Creepy People: Cuddlr. -- K.B.

Best Star-Studded Father-Son Collab Featuring Lots of Bananas: Seems like only yesterday that Spencer Tweedy was a sweet little kid in the Wilco documentary I Am Trying to Break Your Heart. Now he has his own band (with his dad), and their new video has cameos to rival "Liberian Girl." -- J.R.

Best/Worst Job Title:
Buzzfeed is hiring a Pintern. Which is basically exactly what it sounds like. -- K.B.

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 6.25.55 PM.pngWeirdest Beyoncé-esque Release: Radiohead's Thom Yorke released his album without any fanfare on BitTorrent today. The world didn't react like it did for Beyonce, but good for him! -- K.B.

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 6.27.59 PM.pngWorst News For Basic Bitches: The Pumpkin Spice Four Loko isn't real :(.... yet! There's still time in PSL season for this sorority girl dream to become an unfortunately real nightmare. -- K.B.

We Like This New, Self-Aware Taylor Swift

Recently, Taylor Swift has gotten more Taylor Swift-y than anyone could've ever imagined. From taking a walk while cradling her cat in her arms to giving a fan $90 to get a birthday dinner she's become the loving, doting 24-year-old grandmother we all knew she could be. And it's not accident. In the lead-up to her new album, 1989, she's giving the media exactly what they want by playing up the most granny, most cat-loving and most calculatingly endearing aspects of her personality. 

The road to this more mature, self-aware Taylor Swift has not been easy. In the eight years since her first album was released, she's spent the majority of her teen years and the beginning of her twenties surrounded by paparazzi and music journalists; the details of her love life, the drama of her friendships, and every stumble has been well-documented. But now she's all grown up. She had a grown-up beef with Katy Perry, she took a break from dating to have a little more 'me time' and she even had her own feminist revelation -- thanks to Lena Dunham, of course.

And all we have to say is: "hallelujah hands emoji." Self-aware Taylor Swift knows what we all think of her and she knows how to use it to her advantage. She can even poke fun at herself like she did when she posted a selfie wearing a shirt that says "no its becky," a reference to a widely circulated Tumblr meme in which a picture of high school-era Taylor Swift was paired with a caption about "Becky" who died of a marijuana overdose, which led to the now-immortal response "no its becky" when the photo caption's validity was called into question.

Between all these endearing photo ops, pop hits, and movie roles in adaptations of required middle school reading she's probably scheming about how to take over the world with an army of cats and lady friends. But, honestly, if self-aware Taylor Swift does take over the world who would even complain? A life of cute cats, strong female friendships and an ever rotating influx of cute actors and pop stars to date doesn't sound all that horrible.

Cialis Turnt Is the Pill of Your Dreams/Nightmares


Saturday Night Live premiered this weekend, and this Cialis Turnt commercial is our new favorite thing ever. "I'm about to love you like there's a roller coaster in my penis."


Though it's the childhood dream of many, SNL shows us the dangers of action figures coming to life. Chris Pratt in a He-Man wig, #WOULD.

Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader mess with a news anchor who has clearly not seen the movie he's interviewing them about. [Jezebel]
 tumblr_ncmvgh7CWY1tc31mqo1_500.jpgJust Marnie the dog in a bike basket. MarnieTheDog]

Sometimes dogs are real dumb. [TastefullyOffensive]

A baby squirrel makes friends with two confused cats. [TastefullyOffensive]
 tumblr_nc738p2FLJ1sqw9zuo1_500.pngHave a great Monday, y'all.

Meet 10 South Korean Models Ruling the Runways

K-Pop and soap operas might be the best-known South Korean cultural exports but with a growing fashion industry bolstered by government investment, Seoul is quickly becoming one of Asia's new fashion capitals. With rising interest on homegrown designers, along with attention from global luxury brands who have been setting up shop throughout Seoul's Gangnam District, it's no wonder that some of the most exciting new faces in the modeling industry have been getting their start in the South Korean capital. And while you could argue that fashion's loves a 'moment,' and that Korea is the latest modeling incubator coming after the Netherlands, Russia and Brazil, the rise of non-white models also speaks to a long-needed wake up call in an industry often accused of favoring white models over models of color. While many industry professionals attribute a rise in Asian models to a desire to appeal to Asian consumers, in the words of Bethann Hardison, former model, longtime advocate for models of color and founder of Black Girls Coalition, "the reason [Asian models] are having a moment is because these brands need China [but] I don't care what the reason is, I'm glad it's happening." And so are we. Below, we asked fashion industry pros to highlight ten South Korean models who are starting to rule the runways.

10-LeeHuynLi-1.jpg10. Lee Huyn Yi

"Lee Hyun is gorgeous. Her bone structure is what dreams are made of. There's a reason she was doing so well with bookings in 2010-2011: she's stunning! We need to see more of her again." -- Amina Akhtar, Editorial Director of theFashionSpot.

Previously the international face of Bruno Cucinelli and Banana Republic, Lee Hyun was most recently one of the big editorial stars of Vogue Korea's anniversary issue.

9-Sora ChoiMUSE_SS15.jpg9. Sora Choi

"Its refreshing, as a Korean woman, to see Choi So Ra's natural Korean beauty being celebrated. She stuns and charms!"-- Eunsun Hwang Nightingale, VP of E-Commerce for MCM

A previous winner of Korea's Next Top Model, Sora walked for Marc Jacobs, Versace, Fendi, Bottega Veneta, Calvin Klein and a slew of other shows this season (and it's not over yet!).

Screen Shot 2014-09-26 at 11.30.02 AM.png8. Jun Young Choi

"She can be an editorial [star] or a show star, she just has a great face and huge presence!" -- Jordan Beam, Model Manager at Trump Models

Jun Young walked for Bibhu Mohapatra, Nonoo, & Peter Som this season in NYFW and we hear she basically ran Seoul's fashion scene before her jump to the Big Apple.

7-GIAN-1.jpg7. Gian Yoo

"She's a star!" -- Joop Schouten, Booker at Elite NY

Gian just killed it at the Dior Couture show in Hong Kong, taking one of the key positions, and followed up that moment with turns on the Jenny Packham and Adam Selman runways.

6-Kwak_index cards-1.jpg6. Ji Young Kwak

"Kwak's always flying country to country and never complains about anything! Really popular girl amongst the team here." -- Graeme White, Women's Booker at Elite London

The model has walked dozens of shows this season alone (Thakoon, Peter Som, Anthony Vaccarello, Van der Ham, Temperley, Chanel couture) in addition to a staggering amount of beauty stories in every global glossy from Harper's Bazaar UK to Interview Germany.

5-Pong_polaroid_page.jpg5. Pong

"Pong just walked into the agency a week ago having never modeled before, and just walked in 11 shows!"  -- Graeme White

These 11 shows during London Fashion Week include H by Hakaan Yildirim, Fashion East, Emilio de la Morena, Whistles, Trager Delaney and Silbling, ensuring that she's exceeded any new face expectations.

HYONI.jpg4. Hyoni Kang

"Hyoni's ability to transform is what makes her stand out from the pack. She can be sexy or demure, edgy or soft. And she never fails to captivate." -- Jorge Morales, Casting Director of Worldwide Casting.

After being the first Korean to win Ford's Supermodel of the World competition, Kang's since gone on to book editorials for Vogue, Dazed, V and W Korea and campaigns for DKNY and American Eagle.

SO_YOUNG.jpg3. So Young Kang

"I have loved her since I saw her in American Vogue's 'Asia Major' story. I think her versatility is why she has done so well. She can look 15 oe 30 so effortlessly. Perfect face for beauty!" -- Neslihan Denizer, Vogue Turkey's London-based European correspondent 

After making her debut at the Chanel couture show in 2010, So Young's now more of an editorial girl, shooting for Vogue Girl and Elle Korea this week alone. She's caught the eye of photographers like Steven Meisel (who shot her in Vogue's 'Asia Major' story), Tiziano Magni and Mario Testino. This season, Coach even flew her and Hyoni out to their S/S '15 presentation and now that she's transitioned from the runway to the front row, she's definitely a name to know.

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 2.58.43 PM.png2. Ji Hye Park

"We love her cause she has a very calming aura. She never gets flustered, she is so humble and grateful in all that she does. This, together with her grace and beauty, makes her an ultimate model!" -- Shelley Whaits, Agent at Premier

Ji brough that rare zen to Christopher Kane, Iceberg, Oscar de la Renta, Calvin Klein, Erdem, & Opening Ceremony to name a few this season.

1-Soo Joo.jpg 1. Soo Joo Park

"Not only does Soo Joo have an amazing look, she has a wicked personality and that comes through in her images.  She puts a massive amount of personal creativity into her work.  Soo Joo has incredible personal style and, it's a great combination!" -- Rachel Du Preez, Union Models Director

Soo Joo counts walking for Moschino, Jeremy Scott, Peter Som and DKNY and booking the latest Hunger cover -- shot by Rankin -- and a spot in DKNY's campaign amongst this season's many wins.

Artist Alex Katz Is More Relevant Than Ever

loewe2.jpgAlex Katz, Round Hill, 1977. Courtesy of Alex Katz. Licensed by VAGA, New York, NY

Five decades after standing up to the abstract expressionists, artist Alex Katz is still affirming the urgency of figurative painting. There's his tenure, since 2011, with the white-hot downtown gallery Gavin Brown's Enterprise. There's the Katz mural that the Whitney will mount across the street from its new location. And then there's this curious shoutout from the fashion world: in perhaps the savviest branding move of the year, Loewe's creative director Jonathan Anderson centered the label's spring 2015 campaign around an unadulterated Vogue Italia photo feature from 1997 -- a sun-glazed Steven Meisel series whose main spread was modeled, right down to the Pelican Shakespeare paperback, on Alex Katz's 1977 painting Round Hill. With its luminous colors and magnetic stillness, the painting, like Katz's career as a whole, proves that art doesn't have to shock in order to stay relevant.

loewe1.jpgLoewe S/S 2015 Campaign. Photo by Steven Meisel.

Jonathan Anderson. Photo by Mark Cant.

Listen to Lorde's Spooky Hunger Games Track, "Yellow Flicker Beat"


Princess of darkness, Lorde is setting the tone for the newest installment of The Hunger Games with her track, "Yellow Flicker Beat." That tone of course, is slow pulsing vengeance: "I've got my fingers laced together, and I've made a little prison, and I'm locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me," Lorde sings ominously. The girl is not to be messed with. 

Our favorite teen goth has been covering everyone from Tears for Fears to Bon Iver and Kanye West, so we're excited to see how she curates the The Hunger Games soundtrack. Listen to the spooky "Yellow Flicker Beat," above, and place your bets.

[Thumnail photo by David X Prutting/BFAnyc.com]

Listen to Aretha Franklin's Cover of Adele's "Rolling In the Deep"


Get a little Monday afternoon boost with Aretha Franklin's cover of Adele's "Rolling In The Deep." The track will appear on Franklin's upcoming album of covers, which she co-produced with Clive Davis and which also includes covers of songs like "At Last" by Etta James, "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinéad O'Connor. The record comes out on October 21 via RCA and includes production by André 3000. In the meantime, Aretha's Adele cover will come out as a single tomorrow. Give it a listen, above.

Can Aretha and Adele perform a duet on the next VH1 Divas?

Tim & Eric Directed Jeff Goldblum In this Amazing GE Ad


Tim & Eric directed Jeff Goldblum (and an amazing wig) in this cuckoo -- real life -- ad for GE. Goldblum plays a "Famous Person" named Terry Quattro who shows you how GE's new bulbs can enhance your life. A+. [via Tastefully Offensive]

tumblr_nco5moqiia1qe0wclo1_500.jpgBehold: the croc visor. [via The Clearly Dope]

tumblr_mq0659rWhR1qd0lhgo1_500.jpgWe'll take three pairs. [via Tall Whitney]

tumblr_nckmmj2y9u1qewacoo1_500.jpgSmart kid. [via Afternoon Snooze Button]

Watch Trigger the corgi puppy have an epic face-off with a door stop. [via Tastefully Offensive]

tumblr_nbydtbnutq1qj0qlso1_1280.jpgWHOA. Tom, this photo is kind of rocking in our worlds right now. [via F Yeah Dementia]

tumblr_nc7f24l2Kn1s5cyzso1_500.jpgHere's a grape wearing a raspberry. Have a nice Tuesday. [via Laughter Key]

"I Can't Deal With Their Balls:" Important Sex Advice From Lena Dunham

Screen Shot 2014-09-30 at 9.22.50 AM.png
Photo via Instagram 

What's remarkable, and often enviable, about Lena Dunham is her ability to view herself as a case study. For the Girls writer and star, life is a series of lessons learned -- or completely ignored and revisited later, with a wisdom gained from distance and humor. Chris Kraus, author of the landmark feminist book I Love Dick wrote, "Study's good, because it microcosms everything -- if you understand everything within the walls of what you study you can identify other walls too, other areas of study." 

This is why Not That Kind of Girl, out today via Random House, is so important. When Lena Dunham talks about her failed sex, her joyous sex, and her past relationships -- in addition to chapters dedicated to her body, her work, and friendship -- it becomes a bible for young and confused girls everywhere. She's not that kind of girl because her experience can speak to so many different kinds of girls. A cringe-worthy story that starts with Xanax and ends with a condom in a tree, is a secret handshake from Lena Dunham to every woman who has dated a weirdo asshole. It's a handshake that signals, "Hey, it's okay to love yourself -- and expect nothing less from anyone else." 

The first section of Not That Kind of Girl, nearly one-hundred pages, is dedicated to Love & Sex. Here's our favorite tidbits of advice from the chapter, below. 

On losing her virginity to "a guy who dressed vaguely like a middle-aged lesbian at a beer-and-cheese party:"  

"I was sure that once I let someone penetrate me, my world would change in some indescribable yet fundamental way. I would never be able to hug my parents with the same innocence, and being alone with myself would have a different tenor... How permanent virginity feels, and then how inconsequential. After Jonah, I could barely remember the sensation of lack, the embarrassment, and the feelings of urgency." 

On "platonic bed sharing: a great idea (for people who hate themselves):" 

"Here's who it's not okay to share a bed with: 

Anyone who makes you feel like you're invading their space. Anyone who tells you that they 'just can't be alone right now.' Anyone who doesn't make you feel like sharing a bed is the coziest and most sensual activity they could possibly be undertaking (unless, of course, it is one of the aforementioned relatives; in that case, they should act lovingly but also reserved/slightly annoyed. 

Now, look over at the person beside you. Do they meet these criteria? If not, remove them or remove yourself. You're better off alone." 

On things regrettably said flirtatiously: 

"I'm the kind of person who should probably date older guys, but I can't deal with their balls." 

On writing (and annotating) the worst email ever: 

"Like, the last six times we've spoken it has ended with a series of long silences where I say something, then another thing to modify it, then I sort of apologize, then I sort of unapologize. That would be a funny scene in an indie rom-com.*

*Ironic references to rom-coms are a great way to show that you are NOT the kind of girl/woman who cares about romantic conventions." 

On liking jerks and loving yourself: 

"When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are not made up of compartments! You are one whole person! What gets said to you gets said to all of you, ditto to what gets done. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It's something you accept, condone and believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried to make it so hard." 

Not That Kind of Girl is out now. 

Yeezus Producer Arca Released a Video Starring a Cyborg Twerker (NSFW)


On the heels of Mastodon's butt-heavy video for "Motherload" (which, oddly, had so much twerking that blogs even referred to it as the "Anaconda of Metal"), we get an ass-clapping cyber girl starring in Venezuelan producer Arca's new video, "Thievery."  The 24-year-old Brooklyn-based artist, known to many for his work on Yeezus, is gearing up for the release of his debut album, Xen, this November, which will feature the track. The album title is also the name of the producer's cyber video vixen, which was created with the help of Arca's longtime collaborator Jesse Kanda. The two have worked together on projects for FKA twigs and an ongoing film series called Trauma, which premiered back in May at MoMA PS1. Watch the mesmerizing -- if eerie -- clip, above.

Xen comes out November 4 via Mute.

Pee-Wee Herman Stars in TV on the Radio's "Happy Idiot" Music Video


TV on the Radio's dance-y new single, "Happy Idiot" has been given the Funny or Die video treatment. The race car saga stars Karen Gilan and Paul Ruebens, AKA Pee-Wee Herman from the trippy kids show -- with puppets and all -- that was totally meant for stoners.

The "Happy Idiot" video has the same campy spirit as Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, although there's no opportunity for Ruebens to lament that he's "A loner Dottie, a rebel," as he drives through the desert alone.

Watch the video for "Happy Idiot," above.

The Newest Broad City Sketch is Proof That Abbi and Ilana Would Be The Worst/Best Moms


The latest installment of Hack Into Broad City features everything we love about Abbi and Ilana (Weed! Video Chat! A big poster of Oprah's face!) with a twist: birth.

Well, a fake birth, in a fake scenario, in which Abbi has sperm that's too strong for birth control and their baby is a Frida Kahlo doll covered in lube. You know, girl stuff.

Watch the most beautiful moment in a woman's life unfold, above.

[via Vulture]

Napoleon Dynamite Runs Off With Chromeo's Girl In the Duo's New Video, "Old 45's"


Back in March, we saw the Chromeo guys get caught up in a pretty complicated love triangle (love square?) in their video, "Jealous (I Ain't With It)": Dave 1 stole A$AP Ferg's bride straight from the altar, only to get jilted when she runs off with P-Thugg. Today, we get to see what happens next. The duo's video for White Women track "Old 45's" picks up where we left off with Pee and his new wife pulling up to a dusty desert bar where Dave's dancing in front of a jukebox. Instead of trying to win Pee's girl back, Dave hangs out with HAIM while a slew of would-be suitors (both male and female) try to seduce the new bride. But none of them are any match for...Jon Heder?!? Heder reprises the awkwardly aggressive Napoleon Dynamite schtick and gives us a glimpse of what Napoleon could be like as an adult (who's discovered hair gel). Watch the clip, above, and catch Chromeo during their Frequent Flyer tour -- for a list of concert dates go HERE.

Fall Menswear That Doesn't Totally Suck

MensimageONE.jpgAaron wears Armani jacket, H&M shirt and pants and Kenzo boots. Ian wears Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane jacket, Marc Jacobs shirt, DKNY pants and Alexander Wang shoes. Mitch wears, Armani jacket, H&M t-shirt and pants, Armani shoes and Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane belt. Michael wears Armani jacket and boots, Kenzo shirt and Tom Ford pants.

MensimageTWO.jpgBianca wears Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane jacket and boots, Alexander Wang dress and Lady Grey necklace and ring. Michael wears Marc Jacobs shirt and jacket, Topman pants, Tom Ford shoes and Lucy Folk necklace

MensimageFOUR.jpg Bianca wears Dior jacket and heels, Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane pants. Aaron wears Kenzo jacket, Gap sweatshirt, H&M denim, Marc By Marc Jacobs shoes. Ian wears Versace jacket, Topman shirt, Levi's denim and Cole Haan shoes

MensimageFIVE.jpgIan wears a Dior suit and shirt and Converse sneakers

MensimageSIX.jpgAaron wears Alexander Wang jacket, Hugo Boss shirt, Gap jeans and Kenzo shoes

MensimageSEVEN.jpgMichael wears a Versace jacket and Marc Jacobs shirt.

Bianca wears H&M jacket, Diane Von Furstenberg dress and shoes, Lady Grey necklace and ring and Wanderluster ring. Mitch wears Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane jacket, shirt and shoes, Alexander Wang pants. Michael wears Marc Jacobs shirt, Topman turtleneck, Armani pants and Saint laurent by Hedi Slimane shoes.

MensimageFIFTEEN.jpgMitch wears Topman jacket, Armani vest, Marc Jacobs pants and Dior shoes. Aaron wears Armani jacket, Marc Jacobs shirt, DKNY pants and Alexander Wang shoes. Michael wears Marc Jacobs jacket, Marc by Marc Jacobs pants, Armani shirt and Converse sneakers. Ian wears Marc Jacobs jacket, Tom Ford shirt, Dior pants and Cole Haan shoes.

MensimageSIXTEN.jpgMensimageEIGHTEEN.jpgBianca wears Saint Laurent by Hedi Slimane dress and Tom Ford boots

Hair by Takeo Suzuki at L&A Artists for Davines / Makeup by Natasha Smee at Wall Group for Jouer Cosmetics

Photographer assistant: JP Bevins / Stylist assistant: Ian McRae

Modeled by: Michael Bailey Gates (Major Model Management), Mitch Baker (Soul Artist Management), Aaron Bernard and Ian O'Brien (Wilhelmina Models) and Bianca Gittems (Supreme Management)

Interns: Haley Sherif and Melissa Chalson

Special thanks to Site/109

Vibe Out With Jaden Smith's Moody New 7-Minute Song


Last night squatter in your psyche and musician Jaden Smith tweeted a link to his new track, "Blue Ocean." The moody song, which he says didn't make it to the final cut of his upcoming album, samples Justin Timberlake's "Blue Ocean Floor." It is also seven minutes long. The stream-of-consciousness-style track will make you feel all of Smith's vibes, and, we have to say, these vibes are not bad vibes. Smith, who hasn't released other details about his upcoming album, is also featured on Childish Gambino's upcoming mixtape.  Give it a listen above.

Jimmy Kimmel Quizzes Marijuana Dispensary Patrons About Current Events


Jimmy Kimmel quizzes marijuana dispensary customers about current events. Oh dear. [Uproxx]
Noah Ritter, aka Apparently Kid, goes to visit some dinosaurs, courtesy of Ellen.
And the fedoras, oh the fedoras. One guy the other day described himself as "an awesomeholic." MAY GOD HAVE MERCIES ON OUR SOULS. [TastefullyOffensive]

Ringo the rescue raccoon and Rock the hound doggie are besties. [TastefullyOffensive]

tumblr_ncrlhxqM1e1qbydido1_1280.jpgHappy October! [LaughterKey]

tumblr_nco91z9iRq1qewacoo1_500.jpgSo shut up! [TastefullyOffensive]
True. [Mlkshk]