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Mr. Mickey's Dude Ranch Diary

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.02.01 PM.pngMr. Mickey cozies up to some cowboy cuties

Despite getting most of my ideas of cowboy life from Randy Jones of The Village People I have to admit I was drooling in anticipation of my trip to the Rancho de los Caballeros dude ranch in Wickenberg, AZ. I'd never been to a dude ranch. I'd never even been to Arizona. Although I'd only ridden a horse a few times at kids' birthday parties, I'd spent a little time as an adult hanging out with horses and had come to the conclusion that really they're just giant dogs and if you aren't afraid of them you'll be all set. Yes, that's me. Mr. Mickey expert equestrian.

I was heading to Wickenberg to celebrate the 80th anniversary of the women's blue jean, which was invited by Levi's. With visions of the divorce ranch in the film The Women running through my brain, I headed to the desert with a pack of international female fashion editors (and one other man, the delightful Andrew Bevan of Teen Vogue). The minute we got to Wickenberg, which is famous for its dude ranches as well as its drug rehabs, I dropped my bag and headed to visit the horses. I was in heaven. Although a corral full of horses isn't necessarily the most fragrant of spots to spend a hot afternoon I was just excited to be making friends with these animals.

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.00.49 PM.png The gang roasts s'mores at the campfire

Later that day while we were nibbling on tacos and dancing to the musical stylings of a local mariachi band at our 'get to know you' Mexican dinner, a local cowboy came around to each of us and asked our height and weight so they could pair us up with an appropriate horse for the next day. The minute I was asked, I knew the horse I'd end up with. In the corral that day I'd seen horses of various shapes and sizes and one that stuck out was a mocha and white colored cutie that looked part-Palomino and part-Clydesdale. I mean, this guy looked like he could carry three of me and drag a plow at the same time. Hunter was his name. By the time I hauled my paunchy carcass up onto Hunter I felt like we were old friends. It was a hot day so I felt like a sparkle cardigan was out of the question so I wore some old sparkly Loulou de la Falaise for HSN necklaces to match my shiny blue Burberry eyeglasses and a straw cowboy hat.

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.01.14 PM.pngNow sometimes I really think I should have been an actor because I'm a huge believer in the concept if you act like you know what you're doing, you'll look like you know what you're doing. So I just told myself to do what I'd seen people on TV and movies do when they rode horses and shockingly it worked. Obviously this wasn't Hunter's first time being ridden by a knucklehead.

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.00.58 PM.pngVogue's Kelly Connor saddles up!

Riding through the desert was gorgeous and although I would have liked to bust a move and do some galloping we were a big group and never really moved faster than a walk. Next time I'll bamboozle the cowboys into letting me get some speed. After we finished I went to my room to get some apples to go take to Hunter. I mean, I'm a fat American so I think every good thing should be rewarded with food! The horses were all tied to the fence and resting and when I came in with my apples I did cause a bit of a brouhaha because all the other horses wanted a treat. It took Hunter awhile to gobble down one apple so I gave the second apple to another horse and then tiptoed out of the corral as the cowboys yelled at me for creating a ruckus. Look at me! A city slicker from the Naked City and on my first day I rode through the desert on Hunter AND created a ruckus. I love dude ranch life!

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.01.06 PM.pngMr. Mickey and Kim Hastreiter

Listen to Lana Del Rey's Title Track, "Ultraviolence"


Lana Del Rey released the title track off her new album, Ultraviolence, and this one's a peppy little pop gem. Kidding! It's another beautifully woozy, string-heavy song that has some real dark undertones of domestic violence á la The Crystals' controversial Phil Spector-produced 1962 song "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)" (which is even one of the lyrics). When you're tired of Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea and are feeling sleepy and wistful, you should pop this song on and follow it with Sia's "Eye of the Needle."

Ultraviolence comes out June 13 via Interscope

NYC's 10 Biggest Notspots: The Most Unfabulous Places of All

Everyone knows where the hotspots are. Word gets out like wildfire and suddenly there are winding lines and abusive doorpeople. But it takes extra digging to find the notspots -- places that are so unfabulous I'm often sitting there alone and wondering why I chose to live in a big city. And yet, these destinations do have their charms, their utter lack of buzz sometimes high among them. Here are my 10 favorite NYC notspots of many.

1). Stairs. This two-level, lodge-like space in the East Village is a good choice if you're looking for solitude and can't afford the Himalayas. I went shortly after its opening and found a sparely populated hangout dotted with an occasional customer who looked like they'd straggled in from a Eugene O'Neill play. There was a friendly drag queen greeting me, but she said she was moving back to her hometown the next day. I considered doing the same thing when I went back last week and found a total of six customers. Maybe it's the awful Stairs logo, which consists of two male stick figures, one literally climbing the other. I do hear the Friday twink night is pretty good, but I'm terrified to go back one more time.

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.52.34 PM.png2) The Edison Ballroom. It's shiny and jazzy looking enough, and lord knows if I get invited to an opening night party there, I'm the first one in the door as well as the one who christens the buffet table. But they tend to host a lot of big-band events, with people swinging around the dance floor as if it were 1944, and that makes me a tad uncomfortable. I can't dance to Swedish progressive house either, but at least I know it's hot and happening.

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 3.56.08 PM.png3) Marriott Marquis Hotel. I always liked the elevators that gave you an aerial view of the whole place, as well as the Crossroads restaurant with its sprawling buffet, the Broadway Lounge with its specialty beverages, and the View ("New York's only revolving rooftop restaurant"). But no one else does. Only tourists have ever granted this Times Square complex any cachet, which tends to take away the cachet.

us-bar13nyc.jpg4) Bar 13. I'll let a reforming barhopper friend of mine describe this one: "Bar 13 has limitless potential, with a great location, multiple floors, and a killer rooftop, but the clientele is so B&T, waking me up with fights on the street at 4 A.M. That place is beat." Still, at least they get a crowd.

1372091015thebubbleloungewinechampagnefrenchrestaurantnyc01.jpg5) Bubble Lounge. Says the same invaluable friend: "I went last Thursday at 9 PM and it was nearly empty, and I had to fetch a cocktail waitress who seemed bothered to serve us. When she did, the prices were not in touch with the recession -- hence, the lame crowd."  

queens zoo 3.jpgPhoto by Julie Larsen Maher / WCS.

6) The Queens Zoo. Who says I don't write about culture in the outer boroughs? A few years ago, I actually went to the Queens Zoo and even sort of enjoyed it. The pigs lick feed out of your hand, the bison stare you down with interest, and you get to walk a runway through the Aviary while birds make a Hitchcockian scene around you. The problem is, I'm Murray Hill-centric and don't drive, and this place was so out of the way that a zookeeper had to pick me up at the train station to take me there. If you can get a zookeeper to pick you up at the station, then feel free to take the "not" out of this spot. After first trying the Bronx and Central Park Zoos, of course.

7) Grand Prospect Hall. Again, I care deeply about the boroughs, but nothing could make me go back to Brooklyn for this banquet hall, which seems as frozen in time as the faces of some of the customers. When I recently saw the commercial with that heavily accented couple begging to make our dreams come true, I thought, "How cute that they're re-running that bizarre ad from the '80s." But it's new! It's still going on! Make it stop!

367.jpg8) Townhouse Bar. Once upon a time, this was a spiffy, two-level place of refinement where old men hooked up with hustlers. But hustlers are online now, so at today's Townhouse, you mainly just get old men, plus a pianist tinkling "All That Jazz" in the background. Still, I love the joint -- but then again, I'm an old man. As a bonus, let's throw in BPM, which was basically the gay club xl that reopened looking very much the same, albeit with some new staffers. Their Hot Mess drag revue is great (as groupon-wielding bachelorettes have discovered), but otherwise, the bloom is off the gay rose, buzz-wise.

bigdhome.jpg9) Big D Home (22 W. 14th Street). This value store announced a closeout sale ages ago, but now the closeout signs are gone and it just seems to be operating as usual. Potential heart attack averted for now. The place has reasonable shower curtains, alluring trash pails, and interesting scrubs for those who want to affect a medical look around the house. The best thing about it is I have the place all to myself. No one goes! Which might explain those signs!

diagostino.jpg10 ) D'Agostino There are still a few of these old-school supermarkets left in NYC, along with Food Emporiums and Gristedes, all bravely hanging in there despite the onslaught of the more sophisticated and varied stuff you get at Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and Fairway. I go, mainly because it's right across the street, plus they sell amazing Carvel cakes (sprinkled with "chocolate flavored crunchies") for 20 bucks. Also, I prided myself on having a D'AG rewards card, until I found out what it gets you -- a mere five dollar bonus after you spend $500! That is never going to happen, people. There aren't that many Carvel cakes in the world.

Is This The Most Terrible Wheel of Fortune Guess Ever?


Watch a painfully terrible Wheel of Fortune guess from last night's episode. Poor Stephen. [Uproxx]

Graduating seniors at Santa Barbara High School paid a mariachi band to follow their principal around everywhere he went.
The more you know. [Mlkshk]

Z9MF.jpgShout out to Jun-Jun! [Mlkshk]

Oh no! Week-old micro pigs explore outdoors with their mom for the first time. [TastefullyOffensive]

Give it all you've got today like this tiny goat! [Uproxx]

9 Must-See Art Shows Opening This Week

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.01.33 AM.pngLA-based artists FriendsWithYou are doing a book signing on Thursday, June 5th, 6 to 8 p.m., at Paul Kasmin Gallery's PK Shop (511 West 27th Street). Rizzoli is publishing their first comprehensive monograph, We Are FriendsWithYou, featuring contributions from Pharrell Williams, Alejandro Jodorowsky and Peter Doroshenko. The shop will also debut a new limited-edition "Little Cloud" lamp designed by the artists.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.02.34 AM.pngKia Labeija, In My Room, 2014

The arts organization Visual AIDS opens a group show called "Ephemera as Evidence" on Thursday June 5th, 6 to 8 p.m., at La MaMa La Galleria (6 East First Street). Curated by Josh Lubin-Levy and Ricardo Montez, the exhibition features works that "evidence past lives and future possibilities in the works of artists confronting HIV/AIDS." It's up until the end of June.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.04.08 AM.pngRichmond, Virginia, artist Ryan Conrad Cooper opens his first solo show in NYC on Thursday, June 5th, 6 to 8 p.m. at James Fuentes (55 Delancey Street). He plans to remove all the copper wiring from the gallery's walls and sell it as scrap metal, leaving "open wounds of drywall" and turning off the electricity. Guess you'd better get there before dark -- or bring a flashlight.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.05.18 AM.pngCallicoon Fine Arts presents the final show in their space at 124 Forsyth Street with a group of miniature versions of every building that has housed the gallery since 2009. The tiny works made of paper and foamcore are by Brooklyn-based artist Nicholas Buffon. Check it out before June 29th. The gallery's 49 Delancey Street location remains open.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.07.31 AM.pngPhoto by © Jean-Luc Guérin

Grace Exhibition Space (840 Broadway, Brooklyn) has a cool show of performances by three artists called "Big Bang Theory" on Friday, June 6th, 9 to 11 p.m. Belgium's Didier Odieu will be doing "a concert, but the kind of concert you never saw before" (he holds the world's record for performing 178 hit songs in 13 minutes and 45 seconds). Also appearing: Brooklyn's Lopi Laroe and Wild Torus.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.09.25 AM.pngRúrí, Rainbow I, 1983, Installation/performance (detail)

Stux Gallery (24 West 57th Street #609) opens their summer group show, "...Burning Bright: Tiger, tiger," on June 5th, 6 to 8 p.m. and it's up until the end of July.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.10.45 AM.pngA new space called Underground SoHo Gallery (83 Mercer Street) opens on Thursday, June 5th, 6 to 9 p.m., with "People of New York," an exhibition of pencil drawings by Michal S. Perry. All the works were made in the early '90s. There will also be music during the opening by Trubdr. Adam Road.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.59.40 AM.pngLarry Clark, Jonathan and Cindy, 2004. Pigment print

A big retrospective spanning the career of acclaimed photographer and filmmaker Larry Clark opens on Saturday, June 7th, 6 to 8 p.m., at Luring Augustine (531 West 24th Street). Starting with his early portraits shot in 1961, the exhibition, "they thought i were but i aren't anymore," also includes several paintings being shown to the public for the first time. Clark's latest film, The Smell of Us, is set to premiere in Europe later this year.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 11.12.18 AM.pngA piece by Takashi Murakami

If you're going to be in Paris before June 25th, check out the group show called "G.I.R.L." curated by Pharrell Williams at Galerie Perrotin (60 Rue de Turrene, Paris, France). Lots of cool stuff on view including works by KAWS, Yoko Ono, Ryan McGinley, Andy Warhol, Terry Richardson, Murakami etc.

Looking ahead:

California-based artist Thomas Campbell has a solo show called "Ampersand" opening on June 12th, 6 to 8 p.m. at Joshua Liner Gallery (540 West 28th Street). It's up until July 12th.

Welcome to the Church of Klaxon


Klaxons' new album, Love Frequency, is out June 16th and for this track they've launched themselves into outer space for a psychedelic, alien encounter. The band has been working with producers including James Murphy and the Chemical Brothers on this, their third album, and if "Show Me a Miracle" is any indication, it's going to be a monster...or at least an alien monster.  They're on the European festival circuit all summer to support the release.

NYC's Best Outdoor Movie Screenings

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 1.48.32 PM.png(Photo via)

Whether you prefer '80s teen comedies or artsy French flicks, the summer slate of outdoor movie screenings offers something for everyone. Below, we round-up this year's best places to catch a movie al fresco and guess what? The vast majority are free. Scope our picks and check back as we'll be updating the guide with more information and more screenings throughout the summer.

What: Intrepid Summer Music Series
Where: Pier 86 (12 Ave. and 46th St.)
Synopsis: Enjoy sea, air and space-themed films on the flight deck of the Intrepid. Oldie but goodie Independence Day kicks off the movie series on July 10.
Dates: Thursdays, July 10 - August 14
Cost: Free

What: Front/Row Cinema
Where: South Street Seaport
Synopsis: Family-friendly flicks will be on view all summer. Wall-E will kick off the series on June 4, followed by Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Avengers and The Breakfast Club.
Dates: June 4 - August 31. Films begin at 8 p.m.
Cost: Free

What: RiverFlicks Big Hit Wednesdays on Pier 63 Lawn
Where: Hudson River Park
Synopsis: Head to Hudson River Park for free showings of blockbusters from the previous calendar year. Screenings will be free for the first time, so clear your Wednesday night schedule to catch This is The End and American Hustle.
Dates: Wednesdays, July 9 - August 20
Cost: Free

What: Habana Outpost Movie Night
Where: Habana Outpost, 757 Fulton St., Brooklyn
Synopsis: Enjoy guilt-free vibes at the site of New York's first solar-powered restaurant and marketplace. Sip margaritas and munch on tacos while you catch their 8 p.m. screenings of cult classics like The Outsiders, Heathers, and The Big Lebowski.
Dates: Sundays, through October 26
Cost: Free 

What: HBO Bryant Park Summer Film Festival
Where: Bryant Park
Synopsis: Head to midtown for your classic New York outdoor screening experience. They'll be screening classics like Saturday Night Fever, Blazing Saddles, The Karate Kid, The Shining and more. (For the full list, click HERE.) Expect stringent security and swarms of humans.
Dates: Mondays, June 16 - August 18
Cost: Free

What: BAMcinemaFest Outdoor Screening
Where: Pier 1 in Brooklyn Bridge Park
Synopsis: "Yum, Yum, Yum! 3 Movies by Les Blank" will showcase the work of the late documentary filmmaker with screenings of three of his films, Garlic Is as Good as Ten Mothers (1980), The Blues Accordin' to Lightnin' Hopkins (1970) and Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe (1980). Keep an eye out for a Les Blank retrospective, slated to open at BAMcinématek later this year.
Date: Thursday, June 19
Cost: Free
What: Pier 1 Picture Show
Where: Pier 1 @ 70 St.
Synopsis: The theme of this year's Picture Show is "Getting to Know You! Riverside Park's staff favorites." With picks like Clueless, Back to the Future and The Princess Bride, we can't help but give props to the park staff's taste. Films screen at approximately 8:30 p.m. and are open captioned.
Dates: Wednesdays, July 9 - August 13
Cost: Free 

What: Films on the Green 2014
Where: Various. Check website
Synopsis: This year's theme is "Masculin / Masculin" and showcases the power of strong male leads in French films. All films are in French with English subtitles.
Dates: Fridays, May 30 - August 1. Additional special screening September 4.
Cost: Free 

What: Rooftop Films Underground Movies Outdoors 2014 Summer Series
Where: Industry City in Sunset Park, Brooklyn
Synopsis: Enjoy indie flicks while you take in the sights of the city from the largest rooftop farm in the world. Rooftop Films will screen over 120 films this year, the most in its 18-year run. The full line-up is still TBA.
Dates: TBA
Cost: TBA

What: Outdoor Cinema at Socrates Sculpture Park
Where: Socrates Sculpture Park, 32-01 Vernon Blvd, Queens
Synopsis: Socrates Sculpture Park will screen international flicks like Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer and Forest of the Dancing Spirits. Free kayaking on the East River is a new amenity this year, so head down to Queens for a double dose of nature and culture. 
Dates: Wednesdays, July 2 - August 27
Cost: Free 

What: SummerScreen in McCarren Park
Where: McCarren Park, Bedford Ave. & N. 12th St., Brooklyn
Synopsis: Throwback films such as Cry Baby and Zoolander will be on the big screen this year at SummerScreen. Arrive at 6 p.m. to take advantage of food vendors and live music before the screenings start at sundown.
Dates: Wednesdays, July 9 - August 13
Cost: Free

Top 10 Worst World Cup Team Slogans

To get fans involved before the World Cup begins on June 12th in Brazil, FIFA held an online vote to decide the slogans for the 32 teams at this year's competition, which will be printed on each team's bus. Thanks, surely, to the work of rival nations' saboteurs, here is a list (in alphabetical order) of the ten worst ones.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.45.33 PM.pngAustralia

Almost as sincere and encouraging as "G'day Sheilas, let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" Personally, I would've gone for "CONVICTS, ASSEMBLE!"

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.46.06 PM.pngBrazil

Brace yourselves: apparently Brazil loves Game of Thrones.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.47.26 PM.pngCosta Rica

My passion is soccer, my strength is American tourism, my pride is Costa Rica.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.48.09 PM.pngItaly

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 4.00.37 PM.pngThis is their official mascot.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.49.13 PM.pngJapan
サムライよ ! 戦いの時はきた !

What? Is Japan going to kill people? Has anyone checked if they brought swords with them? Someone needs to check. Check their socks maybe.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.49.47 PM.pngNetherlands

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.59.42 PM.pngSo true!!

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.50.21 PM.pngRussia

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 4.00.44 PM.pngHe knows, oh, he knows.

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.50.53 PM.pngSouth Korea
즐겨라, 대한민국!
"Enjoy it, Reds!"

In other words, "We're really just happy to be here."

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.51.23 PM.pngSwitzerland

A.K.A. "Above all else, we really value punctuality."

Screen Shot 2014-06-05 at 3.52.33 PM.pngUSA

Not many people know that the American bus driver's name is Passion T. Johnson. And yes, aside from driving the team bus, he's also a porn star.

This Wedding Season Bingo Card Is Spot-On

Bulgari's Biggest Hollywood Moments

CleopatraETaylor.jpgThe Italian jewelery brand Bulgari is synonymous with luxury, Hollywood and of course, Elizabeth Taylor. The Dame became famous for her love of over-the-top jewels but had a particular obsession with Bulgari bling. Her jewelry dispensary (aka on-again/off-again husband Richard Burton) once said, "I introduced Liz to beer, she introduced me to Bulgari. The only word Elizabeth knows in Italian is Bulgari." During the filming of Cleopatra, where Taylor -- dripped in Bulgari as the ancient Egyptian Pharoh (picture above) -- met a married Burton, the two conducted a jewelry-laden affair of extreme scandal almost bankrupting 20th Century Fox. Okay, it was already the most expensive movie ever produced too, but oh the glamor of it all!

Liz isn't the only star who's taken a liking to the brand. Bulgari: 130 Years of Masterpieces, currently showing exclusively at the Houston Museum of Natural Science until October 5, showcases 150 pieces from Bulgari's Hollywood-rich Heritage Collection. The exhibition marks the first time the jeweler has displayed pieces from every time period since its Roman beginnings in 1884. From Dame Helen Mirren at this year's Golden Globes to an epic Jessica Chastain-meets-Elizabeth Taylor look at Cannes in 2013, we rounded up Bulgari's biggest Hollywood moments below.  

HelenM.jpgHelen Mirren at the 2014 Golden Globes / Bulgari earrings in platinum with emeralds and diamonds -- 1964.

JChastain.jpgJessica Chastain at the 2014 Golden Globes / Bulgari necklace in platinum with diamonds -- 1930.

JuliaR.jpgJulia Roberts at the 2014 Academy Awards / Bulgari earrings in white gold with round brilliant cut diamonds, emerald cut diamonds, and tapered baguette diamonds -- 2005. 

MonicaV.jpgMonica Vitti for Vogue Italia in 1963 / Bulgari necklace in platinum with emeralds and diamonds -- 1961.

Naomi Watts at the 2014 Academy Awards / Bulgari Necklace in white gold with round brilliant cut diamonds and diamonds pave -- 2004, Bulgari Serpenti Minaudiere Clutch -- FW12 -- and Bulgari Serpenti white gold single coil bracelet -- 2009.

JulietteBinoche.jpgJuliette Binoche repping 1930s jewelry trends / Bulgari convertible necklace in platinum with diamonds -- 1938. "Convertible" jewels were a big trend in the 1930s. This necklace can be wore as two bracelets, two long dress clips and two short ones, a brooch and the central pendant can be worn on a bangle as a centerpiece.  

Jessica Chastain at Cannes Film Festival 2013 / Bulgari Sautoir in platinum with sapphires and diamonds -- 1969. Originally a gift from Richard Burton to Elizabeth Taylor, Chastain was the first person to wear the iconic pendent since Taylor, and the Cannes premiere of a remastered Cleopatra was a particularly apt occasion.  

ElizabethT2.jpgElizabeth Taylor with 6th husband John Warner / Bulgari Gourmette sautoir in gold with six Byzantine gold coins and diamonds -- 1975. The sautoir was a favorite of Taylor, who wore it on numerous occasions, including the day her engagement to John Warner was announced in 1976. 

ElizabethT.jpgElizabeth Taylor with husband Eddie Fisher at a party organized by Taylor to celebrate the first anniversary of Kirk Douglas' film Spartacus in Rome in 1961 / Tremblant brooch in platinum with fancy yellow and cognac-color diamonds and diamonds -- 1959.

Get Your Summer Friday Started Right With Arrested Development's "Tennessee"


Summer's here (finally) and yours truly will be off on vacation, so today's oldie-but-goodie video is kind of appropriate. Of course Arrested Development's "Tennessee" has a lot more meaning behind it than my dumb a** vacation, and when Speech sings "take me to another place, take me to another land" he's talking about getting away from real stress, loneliness and hurt. The song was on the band's debut album and reached #1 on the R&B chart in 1992 and it won a Grammy; the award-winning video was directed by Milcho Manchevski

Nicki Minaj Strips Down with "Pills N Potions" Snippet


A dramatic departure from Nicki Minaj's demonic performances and fluorescent googly-eyed videos, her recent music seems to be stripping away the rapper's signature larger-than-life persona. Minaj's music video for The Pink Print's lead single "Pills N Potions" -- one of our strong Songs of the Summer contenders -- is set to premiere June 6, but we were graced this morning with a 46-second snippet that showcased a more subtle side to Queen Barb.

Of course subtlety for Ms. Minaj isn't exactly true to definition; while the Diane Martel-directed clip features her with loosely disheveled hair and a fresh face casually smoking an e-cigarette, Minaj also cries mercury liquid tears and sits topless, singing earnestly to the ceiling. Like a laid-back Sunday in her fantasy world following a painful breakup, the clip rides on the brink of lunacy while still offering a dose of genuine emotion. Check it out, above, and be on the lookout for The Game as Minaj's love interest.

Disclosure Remix Pharrell's "Frontin"


BREAKING NEWS: Disclosure re-mixed Pharrell's "Frontin'"! The song was Pharrell's debut single and was his biggest hit until "Happy." It was originally released in 2003 featuring a rap by Jay-Z (don't worry, the rap is still there). Give it a listen and "like" it HERE because they claim they "might give this one away for free when we reach 1m likes on Facebook." Yeah, right. For those with tickets to Governors Ball, you can catch Disclosure playing the fest tomorrow.

Also check out the original video below.

The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

Screen Shot 2014-06-06 at 4.30.34 PM.png
Most Important Couple of the Week: Rihanna's nipples. More influential than Jay-Z and Beyonce, and more controversial than Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, Rihanna's nipples made a giant splash on the world of celebrity couples this week after showing up together on the CFDA red carpet. This is most likely not the last time we'll see them out and about. -- Justin Moran

Genius/Disgusting Video of the Week: Tinder pick-up lines read aloud. -- Abby Schreiber

Best Song of the Week: "Ultraviolence," the title track to Lana Del Rey's upcoming album. It's amazing (and slightly horrifying). -- Mally Espaillat

Best Scientific Study Telling Us What We Already Suspected: That Stephen Colbert is teaching us more than the actual news. -- M.E.

Most Important Fashion Statement: Jay Z's Rodarte jersey. Jay Z in an athletic jersey is hardly anything newsworthy, but Jay Z in a $304 woman's jersey by Rodarte makes us absolutely elated... and slightly confused. It's unclear whether Hov borrowed from Beyoncé's closet, but here's to hoping he throws on a floor-length Rodarte gown next! -- J.M.

Screen Shot 2014-06-06 at 4.27.16 PM.pngBest Collab of the Week: DVF's with Google Glass -- they're looking pretty good! -- M.E.

Screen Shot 2014-06-06 at 5.44.23 PM.pngMost Amazing Performance You May Not Have Seen This Week: AB SOTO's Le Bain performance at The Standard, High Line Hotel. Dressed in a tacky baby blue prom dress and backwards baseball cap, AB SOTO worked it out at the season premiere of Susanne Bartsch's party "On Top," performing his anthems "Huntress" and "Crunchy" for a crowd of sweaty Queens. -- J.M.

Most Unsettling Song Re-Invention of the Week: Funny Or Die's version of Reading Rainbow's classic theme song in honor of the fact that Levar Burton's Kickstarter on behalf of the beloved children's show has already raised $3.5 million in only a few days. -- M.E.

Most Understandable Breakup Rationale: Divorcing your husband because he doesn't like the movie Frozen. Everyone seems to be up in arms about how irrational this woman must be, but to us, she's completely justified in this decision. Our advice to her husband? "Let it go, let it go. Turn away and slam the door." -- J.M.

Pre-World Cup Trick Video of the Week: French comedian/amateur soccer player Rémi Gaillard's. His skillz are from the distant future, his pants from 2002. YAY RÉMI! SOCCER WOO! -- Tucker Chet Markus

Book That Should Top Your Summer Reading List: Adam, by Ariel Schrag. Out next week, Schrag's debut novel is about a young man who, through his sister, gets involved in NYC's lesbian scene, falls in love with a gay girl, and questions whether he should pass as transgender. (And, p.s., Schrag will have a book reading on Wednesday, June 18 at Greenlight Bookstore in Brookyn.) -- A.S.

Worst Case of Food Poisoning You Will Inevitably Get: The food poisoning thanks to the Quesarito, Taco Bell's new burrito and quesadilla mixed together. Will the chain ever put an end to their food incest? -- M.E.

Video That'll Get You Most Amped for the World Cup: Beats by Dre's new clip starring international soccer players like Brazil's Neymar and Mexico's Chicharito prepping for their matches. Keep an eye out for other famous faces like Nicki Minaj, Lebron James, Lil Wayne, and Serena Williams. -- A.S.

Daily Show Video of the Week:
Michael Che (featured in our 10 Stand-ups to Watch piece last month did his first appearance on the Daily Show last night. He destroyed. -- T.C.M.

Watch Weezer Drummer Patrick Wilson Catch a Frisbee Mid-Song


Watch Weezer drummer Patrick Wilson flawlessly catch a frisbee mid-song during a recent show and keep playing. [Uproxx]

Let's hear it for Sting's weird-ass clap at last night's Tony awards. [Dlisted]

The 10 most hated songs, according to some website. Indeed, Rednex's "Cotton Eye Joe" is the devil's work.

ZB79.gifOrange Is the New Black, Season 2. All. Weekend. Long. [Mlkshk]

Just a photo of Nicolas Cage wearing a t-shirt with a photo of himself on it, as well as chaps. Also, Andrew Dice Clay was there. These two are the living embodiment of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. [Uproxx]

tumblr_n6pd1a8DdR1qaucvno2_r1_1280.jpgThis looks incredibly dangerous. [LaughterKey]

Apollo the exhausted English bulldog snores like a cartoon character and it's the best. [TastefullyOffensive]

All of the slow-motion scenes in Wes Anderson movies. [TastefullyOffensive]

Maureen Dowd Is Right, But She Doesn't Have to Be a Dick About It

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 11.29.17 AM.png(Photo of Maureen Dowd by Patrick McMullan/PatrickMcMullan.com)

I hate to say it, but Maureen Dowd is right. I'll say it right to her. You, madam, are correct: The edibles in Colorado are way too god damn strong. But you didn't have to be a dick about it.

I personally love edibles. I eat them all the time and have written about my fancy-free experiences with them in my VICE column. For those stories, my focus has not been on the debilitating effects that too much edible pot can have. I don't deny that it exists. I just choose to focus on the positive aspects of weed in the hopes of humanizing potheads like myself. I have colleagues that fight the dirtier battles, those against the organized ignorance that has plagued our favorite plant for so long. Those guys and gals have had a rough road, but their efforts prevailed at the opportune moment when public opinion revealed a new preference and the federal government shrugged its shoulders and looked the other way. Since that moment, Denver became the petri dish for legal weed, and an industry took form in a relatively neat, orderly fashion. Any less would have been disaster for the movement. The burgeoning industry continues to bare its growing pains for the world to see, but the consensus strives for legitimacy. These are not the renegade activists that Dowd paints them to be when she complains, "the reefer crowd gets mad at the suggestion of any regulation, no matter how small or helpful." In fact, the reefer crowd wants its industry to succeed for more reasons than Ms. Dowd wishes to consider when she uses her platform to detract from its progress.

Are the edibles too strong? Yes. Sorry. When you consume a lot of weed regularly, you lose track of how little it might take to ruin a novice's evening. A cookie probably shouldn't have six regular doses in it because, seriously, who the fuck eats a sixth of a cookie? Also, making weed products in the likeness of children's candy is probably not a good idea. Kind of like how it's irresponsible to have toy guns and real guns in the same house. Of course, the worst of those two situations result in entirely different 911 calls.

Maureen Dowd suffered a pitfall of inept dosage regulation just two weeks after the state acknowledged that it was a problem and put measures to control it into action. She overindulged and had an awful evening, and she wants the whole legal weed industry to suffer for it. After inviting peoples' ire for blaming her own miserable experience on "kinks" in Colorado's regulation, she swung back around to rebut, invoking sensational images like, "[The] mother who found her 2-year-old daughter eating a pot cookie in front of their apartment building." Yes, kids have accidentally eaten edibles. As of May 2014, Children's Hospital Colorado has seen a spike in such instances. It's all the way up to nine (out of over a million minors in Colorado state). All of them lived.

But you're right, Ms. Dowd, the edibles are too damn strong! And earlier this year, it became fatal. I personally acknowledged this in an article for High Times about the tragic death of Levy Thamba Pongi. "The poor kid got too high, went to a dark place, and probably didn't realize he was doing something irrevocable when he jumped off that balcony. He walked into a Denver dispensary a total pot virgin, ate one cookie containing six doses, and lost his grip on reality. It was a reality check for the entire industry, as well as the tourists coming in to have their first taste. You might say that after a tragedy like that, you'd have to be pretty stupid to trifle with the same substance without asking the right questions from the licensed professionals selling it to you (my colleague, David Bienenstock, actually did say those very things).

But what about that other guy that Dowd mentioned, Richard Kirk, who ate edibles and shot his wife? That story was definitely huge because, well, pot-related deaths are almost non-existent. Maybe that's why so few recollect that the Denver police reported that Kirk was also on prescription drugs when he shot his wife. If we're going purely on correlation here, it was probably the pain pills, ma'am.

Who am I to say, really? I am just a stoned storyteller who wants to see weed legalized and reasonably regulated, and for a responsible and truly competitive national market to rise out of it. I have my reservations about legalization, but none of them outweigh the injustice that has come out of prohibition for so many decades, nor the vast potential medical benefits, nor the prospect of having a milder alternative to a legal poison like alcohol. In the larger picture, outside of my reservations, outside of the kinks in the industry that need to be worked out, and outside of Maureen Dowd's one shitty night in a hotel room, the world will be a better place when weed is legal. It took a long time to quell the panic to make way for this reality. Let's not rile the naysayers up with bullshit all over again.

Sam Smith Is the Next Big Sound

"I'm way too open," says British singer Sam Smith. "Everyone tells me to shut my mouth. It's really bad. I've said too much." Smith's laid-bare lyrics about love lost and his lush, velvety voice have drawn comparisons to fellow UK artist Adele, whose soul-shattering pipes and 2011 breakup album won her a Grammy and superstar status. "Everything you need to know is on this album; I wanted to talk about someone I fell in love with who didn't love me back," Smith says bluntly.

Coming from a background in jazz, Smith was pegged as the new voice of England's deep garage/electronica scene after providing vocals on Disclosure's worldwide hit "Latch" and Naughty Boy's "La La La," which was number one in the UK in 2013. His rising star status was solidified last December when he won the BBC's coveted Sound of 2014 poll. Smith's voice -- emotional and real in a way that few if any singers on the radio today can muster -- perfectly suits both the glitchy, noirish sound of the electro-duo Disclosure and the sparse, piano-driven ballads that pepper his debut album, In the Lonely Hour, due out June 17 in the US.

Smith says he respects the whole recording process and loves working with his synth-friendly collaborators, but he's almost religious when it comes to the power of honest songwriting and a distinctive voice over production and instrumentation. His voice is his instrument. He is a Singer. Everything else works to support that vision.

"My main aim when I make music is to break this whole boundary of genre," Smith says. "There's this music industry snobbery that it all comes down to the musician. I wanted to make a point that 'No, my voice is going to lead this project.' There is no 'sound' to this album. The 'sound' is my voice."

In the Lonely Hour is out June 17 via Capitol Records; you can stream it now.

Psy and Snoop Dogg's "Hangover" Video Will Make Your Head Explode


Is smelling smells and hearing sounds and just generally having your eyes open today making you want to crawl under your desk and softly cry in the fetal position? Us too. But fret not, all you hard weekend partiers and regrettable decision makers, because Psy and Snoop Dogg are here with your hangover anthem of the summer called, wait for it... "Hangover." This video has everything: Animated puking, furious teeth-brushing, some hot saxophone, and a bunch of dry heave-y weirdness that doesn't make any sense. Basically, your drunken weekend in a nutshell. Watch and bask in the utter bizarreness.

Top 10 Highlights From Governors Ball

govball1.png1. The Public Transportation
In the past, I've assumed Randall's Island was in both the Hudson River and the Long Island Sound, so it was only when I actually Googled how to get there did I realize the journey wouldn't be so bad. Once inside the uptown 4 express train on Saturday, it wasn't more than 3 minutes before I heard a teenaged guy with a drawstring backpack say to his other teenaged guy friend with a drawstring backpack, "I can't wait to roll." Up in Harlem, I opted to walk over the 125th street Bridge instead of the bus, because I was wearing a tank top that I made with scissors and feeling super "Why not?" The bridge walk felt very dystopian with hungover hordes of people trying to psych themselves up for another day while surrounded by hot cement and metal fences. At one point, I heard a girl in front of me say, "Honestly, though, Joanna knows, like, everyone." I was very happy for Joanna.

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 1.36.09 PM.png2. Fucked Up Sound
Though this might sound like an oxymoron, the best way to make your band set memorable at an outdoor music festival is by having your sound fuck up midway through. On Day 2, the first show I saw was Tanlines. The two good looking Brooklyn gents smiled and made corny, "most likely-straight guy-in an indie band-from-Brooklyn who-talks-like-he-has-a-cold" jokes in between sets that everyone ate up. (Side note: Is every "most likely-straight-guy-in-an-indie band-from-Brooklyn still making "tropical electro-rock fusion"?) Anyway, they were really good, and it was a nice way to start a sunny weekend. But midway through, the computer that one of the one "most likely-straight-guys" was using for the drum machine got overheated, and it made the bouncy beach drum sound like it just took a Valium. They tried a few attempts at other songs, but a minute into each, that same glitchy, slo-mo sound took over. For at least one song, the guitarist slowed down his pace, and they actually made it work. Alas, it was overpowering the set, and during one small technical break, I felt like I was in the scene from Matilda where the titular character gets the school to cheer on Bruce Bogtrotter in finishing off the Trunchbull's mountainous chocolate cake. "You can do it, Brucie!" "You can do it 'tropical- electro-rock fusion-most-likely-straight guy-indie band-from-Brooklyn!'" The crowd started cheering for the duo to keep on trucking, and when the sound was fixed, they finished off great, and everyone left thinking, "Aw, I'm so happy for them." Including myself.

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 1.47.32 PM.png3. André 3000's "Art or Fart?" Jumpsuit
Don't worry guys, it's already sold.

govball4.png4. Coordinated T-Shirts
Bros really do synchronize T-shirts to "rage" events. I saw several examples this weekend but this trio on Sunday won me over. I kept imagining the extensive email chain they must've had going on planning out the design of this shirt, where they'd get it, and how much money it'd cost. They'd have started the chain MONTHS before the fest, all ending their e-mails with a GovBall countdown at the bottom.
"Gentlemen, T-minus 77 days. GovBall'14"
"Kev, it's actually 75 days."
"OK. T-minus 75 fucking days. GovBall'14"

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 2.08.29 PM.png5. New Yorkers Being New Yorkers
Call me naïve for thinking otherwise, but I learned that just because you're at an outdoor music festival, it doesn't mean strangers are going to be friendly when you try to chum it up. Several times I'd walk up to someone and, in a moment of pure "I am literally so chill right now" confidence, I'd say, "I love your shirt!" or "I love your hat!" "I love your mesh!" "Thanks," they'd say flatly, and carry on with their lives. Even though people are wearing face paint and walking around barefoot, it's still New York. At one point, my roommate dared me to take a selfie with the first person I saw. "Of course they'll take one with me!" I thought. "This is GovBall!" Then I remembered my phone had been dead for hours so some girl had to endure a gangly, sweaty, gay spider-person (me) walking up to her on the lawn at dusk and asking "Wanna take a selfie and can we use your phone?" To the girl I made take a selfie with me on your own phone because mine was dead: I'm very sorry.

govball6.png6. Babies
Maybe these parents should pass up on GovBall for a few years so they can afford therapy for this baby when he's older.

govball7.jpg7. This Shirtless Angel
On Sunday my friends and I spotted this man slowly climbing up the grassy hill we were sitting on while Lena Dunham's boyfriend's band, Bleachers, played. He sat near us, and looked over and smiled a few times. I was 100% certain that this man woke up from a nap he took in 1974 on the shore of the East River, grabbed a Fairway bag, and was like, "Oh, here's a music festival," and walked on in. We saw him a few more times throughout the day.

govball8.jpg8. This Jeff Goldblum Poster
It was omnipresent and it was everything.

govball9.jpg9. Discovering that Silent Raves Are Only Cool In Theory
My friend and I walked into the "silent rave" tent, and stayed for approximately two-and a-half minutes. At one point, I turned to her with gigantic headphones on -- house music screaming through the speakers -- and loudly said, "I kind of like this," before remembering what we were actually doing. "What?" she loudly asked back, also with gigantic headphones on. We left immediately.

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 1.41.12 PM.pngSwedish House Mafia. (Note: This is not Governors Ball.) [Photo via Instagram]

10. Giving Into EDM
By the end of Sunday night, Randall's Island was just about ready to swallow us all into the earth. After Interpol did an amazing -- and long -- set, we headed over to watch Vampire Weekend. We were all trying our best to keep our frail bodies in motion and at one point I even joined a spontaneous square dance happening in front of me that some foreign people had organized, hoping it would keep me awake. It was a fun minute. Soon after, a middle-aged woman with a towel draped over her shoulders, holding a lit cig and a cup of vodka, sauntered by us and I thought "She gets it." On our last legs, my friends and I decided to check out Swedish House Mafia, who was closing out the weekend. I'm usually a little EDM-averse but whether it was not wanting to face the trek back to Brooklyn/life or the relentless fireworks flaring or just jumping up and down while wearing ugly jorts or all of the above, in that moment, I thought "Wait! I literally love Swedish House Mafia!!!"

Watch Grimes Debut a Song She Wrote for Rihanna


During her set at this weekend's Governor's Ball, Grimes performed three new songs, including "Go," which she revealed in a tweet that she and Blood Diamonds had originally written for Rihanna. RiRi, however, turned it down. Her loss, because it's a jam. Watch Grimes perform it in the video above.

Thumbnail photo of Grimes by Eric White.