Watch People Lie About Loving Fake SXSW Bands

March 14, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Watch Lady Gaga Get Vomited on During Her SXSW Performance

≪ Previous: Spring Break Cocktails: A Definitive Ranking

Jimmy Kimmel took Lie Witness News to the streets of Austin and got a bunch of people to talk about how much they like bands that don't exist. [Uproxx]

Seth Rogen names all the celebrities he's smoked weed with. Paul Rudd? "Oh yeah, lots of times."[Defamer]

Awkward Moments Only Interns Understand Featuring the Muppets. [LaughingSquid]

Just an English bulldog puppy named Sophie rolling down a hill. [LaughingSquid]

Old lady trio the Golden Sisters read the lyrics to "Drunk in Love." We never talked when we had sex, what's with all this talking?" [Jezebel]

Thanks Joe! [FYouNoFMe]

Seriously. [Lulinternet]

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Watch Lady Gaga Get Vomited on During Her SXSW Performance

March 14, 2014, 9:55 am

≫ Next: Wrestling Greats Are Immortalized In Velvet Portraits In a New Art Show

≪ Previous: Watch People Lie About Loving Fake SXSW Bands

Lady Gaga performed at a Dorito's SXSW showcase last night and part of her act featured the performance artist Millie Brown repeatedly puking on her. It must be exhausting to compete with Miley Cyrus.

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Wrestling Greats Are Immortalized In Velvet Portraits In a New Art Show

March 14, 2014, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Gavin McInnes Mans Up

≪ Previous: Watch Lady Gaga Get Vomited on During Her SXSW Performance

Bruce White, "Vader"

It's Friday night and a dude-heavy queue has formed outside of Gallery 1988 West. At least one guy wears an old WrestleMania t-shirt. Inside, gallery co-owner Jensen Karp sports his own WrestleMania shirt, commemorating the 1989 battle between Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. The crowd has come to see "VelvetMania," a new show from artist Bruce White featuring a series of wrestler portraits done on black velvet.

When the door is finally unlocked, it only takes a few minutes for curious folks to notice the commotion. One man jumps out of a car, runs inside and proclaims, "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen!"

In "VelvetMania," the biggest stars of late-20th century professional wrestling look like gods. Their muscles glisten. Their faces tense up menacing, pre-match expressions. They look as though they could jump off the paintings and body slam the crowd. People are really getting into. Wrestling t-shirts pop up here and there. One guy has a large, WWF logo hanging from a chain around his neck. He found that on Etsy, he tells me.

Bruce White, "Undertaker"

"I've been a wrestling fan since birth," Caleb Thomas, a sharp-dressed fan wearing a well-tailored red-orange blazer, says. Thomas clarifies his statement. Really, he can trace his fanaticism back to 1988 -- the date of the oldest issue of WWF Magazine in his collection. Ultimate Warrior graces the cover. At the opening, Thomas picks up one of the Ric Flair prints for himself. It's number 6 out of a limited run of 35. He looks happy.

With two locations on Melrose Avenue, Gallery 1988 is the hot spot for art with a heavy pop culture influence. In the decade since the gallery's opening, co-owners and co-curators Jensen Karp and Katie Cromwell have carved out their own corner of L.A.'s art scene, an unpretentious hub for unexpected collectors. Shows here frequently incorporate TV, film and video game themes. Fans line up early for a chance to purchase artwork and frequently the pieces are limited-edition prints.

Bruce White, "Wooo!"

Over a year ago, Gallery 1988 held one of their video game art shows. Bruce White, who is acclaimed for his black velvet painting skills, was part of it. Since White's style is photorealistic, Karp suggested that the artist take on "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who also appeared in video games. The joke went that if the piece sold in ten minutes, White would paint Karp's 40 favorite wrestlers. It sold in four minutes.

Karp grew up watching the heroes and villains who emerged from the ring in the mid-to-late 1980s. Later on, he wrote for WWE Raw. He worked with Ted DiBiasi, a.k.a. Million Dollar Man and for Goldust. For "VelvetMania," he compiled a list of 50 or 60 of his favorite figures in the wrestling world. White researched the wrestlers and narrowed it down to 40 selections. The picks are heavy on the greats of the 1980s like Hulk Hogan, André the Giant, George "The Animal" Steele and King Kong Bundy. Ric Flair is the subject of two pieces. One is called "Wooo!" and it depicts the wrestling great emitting his battle cry.

Bruce White, "Shawn Michaels"

White, who lives in North Carolina and is also a full-time tattoo artist, spent between eight and nine months working on the portraits, painting one or two a week. His own fascination with wrestling peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Painting a later generation of wrestlers was a bit out of White's area of expertise, but he enjoyed the experience. "A lot of what I paint on velvet have been pop culture icons," White tells me at the opening. "That's what these guys are."

That these athletic performers have reached near-mythological status is not lost on the crowd. Someone remarks, "This is amazing," before boasting that he can name every wrestler immortalized in the show. A few people point out who is still alive and who has left for the big rumble in the sky. One man circles the room with a little girl by his side. He points out the wrestlers to her. Those old WWF stars might just get a new generation of fans.

"VelvetMania" runs at Gallery 1988 West until March 29; Gallery 1988 West is located at 7308 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles

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Gavin McInnes Mans Up

March 14, 2014, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: Angel Haze's Acoustic Rendition of "Battle Cry" Is Awesome

≪ Previous: Wrestling Greats Are Immortalized In Velvet Portraits In a New Art Show

How to Be A Man Trailer

Gavin McInnes is starring in a movie produced by FOX Digital Studio (and that will be available to Netflix subscribers this weekend), playing someone very closely resembling himself (that is, except for the plot device that has his character diagnosed with cancer and on a mission to leave a video legacy for his son). The film, How to Be A Man, is what you'd expect from a founder of Vice: it's satiric, rude -- even offensive -- macho, ironic, ok, irreverent, but most of all fuckin' funny.

From his days do-ing and don't-ing at Vice, McInnes has matured somewhat, if only because he's got a wife and three kids and a need to re-brand. He left Vice over "creative differences" in 2008, years before the magazine morphed into a media company valued at more than a billion dollars. Now he's the Creative Director at Rooster, an agency he founded. Don't get me wrong, he still revels in asshole-ness whether it's via "How to Fight a Baby" (a video where he seemingly pummels his own kid), as a regular guest on the Hannity show or by getting hit in the head by a flying phone following remarks -- use your imagination -- about women and babies.

On a freezing day in mid-March McInnes is walking to work, talking on his hands-free device for the first time ever. See, even the co-founder of Vice and one-time contender for Gawker's "Hipster of the Decade" award still has something to learn.

"It's colder than a dead slave's eyes out here," he says, his propensity to stir controversy dripping from every metaphor he utters. These days he's somewhat obsessed with the whole "being a man thing." But maybe he always was -- at least he thinks he's no different today from when he was in the band Anal Chinook as a 18 year-old punk rocker.

"I don't think that I've ever changed. I'm still an anarchist punk rocker teenager, still hate the government and do offensive shit. I guess I'm just an offensive person. Maybe it's being Canadian. We always say fuck. We're kind of a low-class people. Hosers are rednecks." I remind him that Canadians have a reputation of always being polite. "Yeah, there's an interesting dichotomy because they do fight and it's dealt with in a song called 'Out for a Rip.' Yes we are polite but we fight a lot."

An exclusive clip from How to Be A Man

And that's presumably a good thing because McInnes works both as a comedian and an actor/writer with a focus on what I call "The Crisis of Masculinity" and he calls "The Pussification of Men."

"[Men] need to learn how to fight a bully, how to drink, how to pick up women," he says. Whether this is caused by "women's lib" or "growing up without a dad," he's not sure, but calling attention to the problem is his "mission" and correcting it is his "service to mankind." Give him a second and he'll take 10 minutes to rant about men showering for longer than a minute -- just do your pits, butt and balls and you're done; to wearing flipflops, which should be punished by the force-feeding of said flip flops; to inflective upspeak. All don'ts in his man book. There are four things every man needs to experience, he declares: "Break a heart, have your heart broken, beat the shit out of someone, and have the shit beaten out of you."

Good luck, Gavin. May all your dreams come true.

How to Be A Man is available to subscribers on Netflix starting March 15. You can purchase it on Amazon and XBOX.

(Cover photo courtesy of How to Be A Man)

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Angel Haze's Acoustic Rendition of "Battle Cry" Is Awesome

March 14, 2014, 12:15 pm

≫ Next: Ask Mr. Mickey: Advice on Tinder Selfies, Fitness + Going Cruelty-Free

≪ Previous: Gavin McInnes Mans Up

Angel Haze -- who we profiled in our Spring issue -- is back with an acoustic version of her scorching anthem "Battle Cry," the video for which chronicles the sexual abuse Haze endured as a child. Here, we get a slowed down, acoustic rendition with Haze showing off her voice, which sounds all the more gorgeous telling her fans to "keep going, even when your sun's hidden." The single will be released March 17th and features the enduringly awesome Sia. Watch above.

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Ask Mr. Mickey: Advice on Tinder Selfies, Fitness + Going Cruelty-Free

March 14, 2014, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

≪ Previous: Angel Haze's Acoustic Rendition of "Battle Cry" Is Awesome

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Dear Mr. Mickey,

A friend of a friend's cousin's ex-boyfriend told me you're starting a fitness column. As someone looking to get in shape myself, I'd love to get your recommendations for fun exercise classes and workouts. But know this: The last time I went to the gym, Clinton was still in office.

Signed,

-- Former Fitness-phobe

Dear Phobe,

The word on the street is true. Mr. Mickey has embarked on a health and fitness makeover that he documents each Friday on PAPERMAG.com. Let's face it: MM is a bit of an extremist. He's either clogging his gullet with family-size orders of French fries or he's eating baked tofu and brown rice while seated in the lotus position. The funny thing about it is that once Mr. Micks gets rolling, he feels like a real athlete. We all have an athlete within and if you can unleash the beast you understand why straight guys get so addicted to the adrenaline of it all. Mr. Mickey finds the best way to keep motivated is to make sure there are people you'd like to have sex with posted at various strategic points around your exercise venue. This can be trainers, instructors, other fitness nuts or prostitutes. Frankly MM likes when it's a combination of all the above -- say, a couple of bi-curious ex-Chippendale dancers who still like to show it off, if you know what MM means! They remind you why you're there and keep you stimulated. You also need music that you enjoy. If you have the sexy surroundings and fun music then you can be cleaning out the cat box and it feels like a good time.

Dear Mr. Mickey,

I'm an assistant editor at a pretty big magazine and I've recently decided to go vegan. Naturally, I've donated all of my leather handbags and shoes to charity and now I want to spruce up my look in time for Fashion Month. As a cruelty-free superstar yourself, can you share your favorite PETA-approved designs?

Signed,

-- Cruelty-Free Cutie

Dear CFC,

First of all, thank you for your commitment to a life of cruelty-free cuteness. Mr. Mickey is shocked that more fashion bessies haven't forsaken their affiliation with animal carcasses. Fur hurts! Naturally, Stella McCartney is the patron goddess of the animal-friendly fashion scene. The great thing about Stella M. is that she makes clothes and accessories that are 100% fantabulously gorgeous and don't come with a body count attached. Nothing is killed in making a super-chic Falabella bag! Cornelia Guest is another purveyor of delightfully fur and leather-free bags. Personally, when MM sees a person wearing fur, even the glamorous, racially mixed daughter of a celebrity, Mr. M can only think that it looks like she killed her cats and turned them into a bathrobe. Why would someone wanna kill their kitties? Makes no sense to Mr. Micks. But in terms of your question: Fear not, you don't need leather and suede to look fashionable. There's no shortage of sequins, Lurex or clowny outfits to make you feel even more glamorous than your carcass-wearing colleagues!

Dear Mr. Mickey,

I just broke up with someone and, feeling lousy and lonely, have decided to go on Tinder. Trouble is, I have no good photos! As a fan of your selfies on Instagram, can you share any tips on taking a good photo that'll make the fellas swoon?

Signed,

-- Selfie Sally

Dear Sal,

Mr. Mickey would love to hear all about it. Being a very low-level celebrity, MM has always felt he couldn't indulge in online dating or hookup sites and apps. He's never experienced the joy of meeting a sex date for coffee only to realize it's the ex-boyfriend of his old roommate! Modern romance is so nutty. As for your photo, Mr. Mickey has a few simple tips: Always shoot from above. Lie on the floor with your arms straight towards the ceiling if you can. You want gravity on your side. Also, do not make duck lips. No pouts, no pushing of the boobs out and up; just be a normal person. Show off your strong points, but don't look like you're a porn star. I know I sound like your mother but just try to be yourself, honey, and you'll do fine.

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The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

March 14, 2014, 2:24 pm

≫ Next: This Is What a Trombone Sneeze Sounds Like

≪ Previous: Ask Mr. Mickey: Advice on Tinder Selfies, Fitness + Going Cruelty-Free

Best Performance of the Week: Paper Beautiful Person Le1f's segment doing "Wut" on last night's Letterman. Though much (perhaps too much) has been made of the fact that Le1f is a gay rapper, Letterman merely introduced him as "a New York rapper and producer," which did not go unnoticed by Le1f. (Via Gawker)

Screen Shot 2014-03-14 at 4.48.46 PM.png

Screen Shot 2014-03-14 at 4.48.46 PM.png

--Elizabeth

Best Backstreet Boys News of the Week: They announced their summer 2014 North American tour today. Backstreet's Back, ALRIGHT. --Tucker Chet Markus

Best Video of Arnold Schwarzenegger Crushing A Tiny Tank in His Regular Tank of the Week: Tanks are cool. --Tucker Chet Markus

Best Shut-Down of the Week: Chelsea Handler, destroying Piers Morgan on his show and calling him out for being bad at his job. --Elizabeth

Biggest Reminder That Everything Is Going to Be Just Fine: This video of a puppy blissfully rolling down a hill. Good job, puppy! --Elizabeth

Best Cunting News of the Week: The words "cunty, cuntish, cunted, and cunting" were all added to the Oxford English Dictionary. --Elizabeth

Best Description of the True Detective Finale that We Read All Week: This one, by Willa Paskin for Slate: "It's like, the spell wore off and suddenly it was just a TV show" --Elizabeth

Best Parody of that viral kissing video that turned out to be an ad for Wren: First Lick, by Jimmy Fallon.

Favorite Video of a Tiny Korean Child That Just Wants Cookies Even If They're From A Creepy Stranger of the week, maybe even of the month! Ok probably not the whole month but we'll see. --Tucker Chet Markus

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This Is What a Trombone Sneeze Sounds Like

March 17, 2014, 7:35 am

≫ Next: Ten Thoughts On Girls' Latest Episode: "I Saw You"

≪ Previous: The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

A trombonist for a London Church orchestra accidentally sneezed into his trombone during a performance and it sounded awesome. [DPF]

In an on-air speed walking stunt gone wrong, a Tucson reporter for KVOA News 4 seriously eats it on live television. [DPF]

A dog who's not allowed to go on the bed when its owner is home, waits 'til it's alone and then paaaaarrrrtiiiieeeesss. [TastefullyOffensive]

The new 'Keep Calm and Carry On?' [Mlkshk]

Villain names: Not always cool. [TastefullyOffensive]

Raaaaaar! [Mlkshk]

Ooooops. [FyouNoFMe]

Don't you dare stop petting this bunny! [LaughingSquid]

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Ten Thoughts On Girls' Latest Episode: "I Saw You"

March 17, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: A Mask For Every Occasion

≪ Previous: This Is What a Trombone Sneeze Sounds Like

Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 9.47.17 AM.png

This week, Adam moves in with Ray and Marnie does an open mic night.

1. I can't figure out whether I empathize more with Hannah or Adam
Of course part of me feels sorry for Hannah and her insecurity over Adam needing space. It's not unreasonable for her to think he could be "leaving her in slow motion." On the other hand, I get where Adam's coming from. We've never seen him have a job before with real stakes and I don't think it's that weird that he's going to these extremes to make sure he's mentally prepared. They both have good reasons to feel the way they do but that doesn't change the fact that the things they want are diametrically opposed.

2. Adam is calling Hannah "kid" again
Is it just me or had we not heard Adam refer to Hannah as "kid" in a long time? When he calls her that in the midst of hurrying off to Ray's apartment after they have sex, it reminds me so much of season one when their dynamic was so cringe-y and awful. Back then, it never seemed like he cared much for Hannah, let alone respected her. They've come a long way since but hearing him call Hannah "kid" makes me wonder if Adam is starting to regress and lose respect for her -- if he ever really had it. He's becoming annoyed at her perceived neediness and neuroses in a way that echoes his sporadic irritation two seasons ago when Hannah was first pursuing him.

3. Adam thinks his job and his relationship are incompatible
For the last few episodes, I've mentioned that there are some serious long-term issues at stake for Hannah and Adam. In this episode, he tells Hannah that "I can't concentrate while you're here, that's why I'm [at Ray's]. I see you and I think 'play time' and I need to be thinking 'work time.'" Returning to the discussion last week about gender roles, it seems more and more like Adam sub-consciously considers Hannah to be a sex object -- an "ottoman with a vagina." He doesn't respect her job and believes that he's unable to share his with her. What happened to them being "partners in life and love"? Sad clown.

4. BD's double scrunchies: hellz yes.
Great casting of Louise Lasser as the artist showing in Soo-Jin's new gallery. I thought there were some interesting similarities between Marnie's interactions with BD and Hannah's with Patti. The girls look up to the respective women yet there's a sense that they feel a bit disappointed when they actually meet these role models. BD's blunt and crotchety and Patti's boozed up and cynical and they both take a stronger liking to Jessa and Elijah than Marnie and Hannah. Even though it's a letdown when celebrities turn out to be just as shitty and normal as the rest of us, bonus points should be awarded to BD's '90s hair accessories and Patti's announcement about needing to take off her bra.

5. S/O #1 to Rep. Donald Blythe!
Did anyone else catch that they cast House of Cards actor and theater vet Reed Birney as Patti LuPone's husband?

6. S/O #2 to Ray's photo of Buster Keaton on the wall
I like that the actor is Ray's shave-spiration.

7. Patti LuPone is going to drive Hannah and Adam apart!
Oh Patti, you boozy broad! The first time she meets Hannah, she freaks her out by telling her that Adam will probably mess around with theater girls. The second time, she introduces Hannah to her husband, a would-be writer who gave up his creative dreams to "teach in the CUNY system" and be the second wheel to LuPone because there wasn't room for two artists in the relationship. The parallel between the two couples hits uncomfortably close to home for Hannah, which causes her to freak out and quit her job before she's gets stuck in the Condé grind and can't get out. The writers did a nice job of circling back to this parallelism when, at the bar with Adam's theater friends, an actress refers to Hannah as "Adam's girlfriend." I was surprised Hannah didn't bring it up with Adam back at Ray's apartment.

8. Desi is totally messing with Marnie's head
I'm not totally sure what Desi wants out of the situation here. It's clear he's attracted to Marnie but it's equally clear he's trying to remain faithful to his girlfriend. In the midst of this confusion however, he's totally giving Marnie these double entendre-y invitations for something more -- just like in last week's episode. It's purposely ambiguous what he means when he tells her, "You know I have a girlfriend, right? That's not an issue is it?" It can be read either as "it's not an issue for our working relationship and music chemistry is it?" or "it's not an issue for us to fool around is it?" Cue Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble."

9. What does Marnie actually want from Ray?
A confidence boost? Sex? A relationship? Or "D" -- all of the above? My gut -- and I'm guessing most of the viewers' guts, too -- would go with one of the first two answers (or a combination of both). She's got this weird flirtation happening with Desi but is constantly reminded that he's spoken for and it makes sense that, in need of male attention, she goes for what she perceives will be low-hanging fruit -- Ray. Much has already been made of their physical differences and Marnie thinks that she can seduce Ray regardless of his already having dumped her. But, as unlikely as it sounds, could a small part of her be open to the idea of pursuing a relationship with him down the line? When he reminds her that they'd agreed to stop dating or hooking up or whatever they were doing, she tells him, "I didn't sign off on that." And, though technically it only takes one person to break off a relationship -- and she may have been feeding him that line so he'll fuck her -- she's right. I think a part of Ray pre-emptively dumped Marnie because he assumed she wasn't interested in having a relationship with him and he didn't want to get hurt. Or that they couldn't ever pursue a real relationship because of his history with Shoshonna. But I don't think he ever considered the possibility that his assumption about Marnie might have been wrong.

10. With three little words, Marnie and Ray are completely, utterly over
"He made me." Oh Marnie, you need a therapist.

The best lines of the episode:

"Her performance style is both too stiff and too hopeful. She's like, 'Papa, am I a pretty girl, mama?'" -- Elijah

"Maybe it's not the place for me. Maybe it's not the place for any of us. Did you grow up and think you were gonna be in like a sweatshop factory for puns?" -- Hannah

"Marnie, I tip my tiny cap to you. You learned something I thought was impossible to learn, which was presence." -- Elijah

"I've got a dinner with this guy I met at the Kenneth Cole outlet, so..." -- Elijah

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A Mask For Every Occasion

March 17, 2014, 9:30 am

≫ Next: Martha Stewart's Twitter: A Brilliant and Confounding World

≪ Previous: Ten Thoughts On Girls' Latest Episode: "I Saw You"

(l-r) Morwenna wears a dress and shoes by Christian Dior and necklace

by Sue Kreitzman. Vita wears a dress by Christian Dior and shoes by Maison Martin Margiela.

All masks by John William unless otherwise indicated.

Vita wears a top by Chanel.

Paula wears a coat by Burberry, belt by Dolce & Gabbana and necklace by Sue Kreitzman.

(l-r) Paula wears a dress and veil by Simone Rocha. Vita wears a dress by Valentino and briefs by Marks & Spencer. Morwenna wears a dress by Viktor and Rolf and necklace by Sue Kreitzman.

Vita wears a dress by Christopher Kane.

Morwenna wears a top by Vivienne Westwood and skirt by Meadham Kirchhoff.

(l-r) Paula wears a dress by Versus Versace and mask by Lara Jensen. Vita wears a dress by Erdem, T-shirt by Phoebe English and glasses by Thom Browne.

Makeup by Philippe Miletto / Hair by Michael Jones at House of Orange using Kevin Murphy

Photographer's assistant: Alex Craddock / Stylist's assistant: Marthe Engdal

Models: Morwenna Lytton Cobbold and Paula Okunzuwa at Nevs Model Agency and Vita West at IMG Models.

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Martha Stewart's Twitter: A Brilliant and Confounding World

March 17, 2014, 10:45 am

≫ Next: The Dead Rabbit Guys On Avoiding the St. Patrick's Day Parade (and Midtown That Day In General)

≪ Previous: A Mask For Every Occasion

You likely already know that Martha Stewart sucks at taking photos of food but if you've never checked out the home-living connoisseur/afternoon TV host/ex-con's Twitter account, well, it's nothing short of spectacular. Her tweets range from "kinda bizarre" to "truly, uniquely bizarre" and we've pulled a selection of the best of the best. All that is requested of you is to imagine Martha herself -- refined and polite, with pearly teeth and a tasteful denim blouse -- articulating these 140 word soundbites.

Martha's fragile 72 year-old hands have used a goddamn sandblaster.

Check out these A-listers!

And also these people.

Thanks, Martha!

Men, if you've ever wondered if you can take a menopause supplement MARTHA SAYS NO.

To those bloggers who are NOT great friends or trusted allies, watch your shit.

Ush going in for the hair sniff.

Martha's favorite breed. (P.S. Never getting used to the unsettling gaze of Pitbull without sunglasses... *shivers*)

Actual real human people in the world took time out of one of their days on Earth to write a description of how they eat Triscuits.

Much like Triscuits, Martha was a popular(very popular) cracker in prison.

"Did Martha Stewart just misspell the word 'areola'?" <-- Bet you never thought you'd have to ask this question.

Unresponsive like they aren't answering at the concierge desk or unresponsive like she knocked them out using a jailyard wrestling move she learned?

RELATED:
If You're Not Following Diane Keaton on Twitter, You're Really Missing Out

↧

The Dead Rabbit Guys On Avoiding the St. Patrick's Day Parade (and Midtown That Day In General)

March 17, 2014, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Maya Jane Coles' Dreamy New Video, "Comfort"

≪ Previous: Martha Stewart's Twitter: A Brilliant and Confounding World

(L-R: The Dead Rabbit's Jack McGarry and Sean Muldoon)

Belfast boys Sean Muldoon and Jack McGarry of The Dead Rabbit Grocery and Grog in the Financial District have the largest selection of Irish whiskey in New York. McGarry, 25, the youngest recipient ever of the Tales of the Cocktail International Bartender of the Year award (in 2013), will be making some special drinks for St. Patrick's Day -- but don't expect to find him or Muldoon anywhere near the parade. The partners talked by speakerphone about their party preparations and were so in agreement on everything it doesn't matter much who said what.

So why aren't you in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day?

Because we have a bar in New York City.

Your bar is probably the place to hit that day.

McSorley's might get that award but we'll give it our best shot.

Green beer?

No. And we're not increasing our prices like I hear a lot of bars do in Midtown. Stay away from Midtown and come down here.

How is St. Patrick's Day celebrated differently in Ireland?

Where we grew up in Belfast we'd close off the street. It was about the community coming together and celebrating. We'd be with family during the day and with friends at a pub that night. Over here it seems to be the green card for getting really drunk.

Did you ever go to the parade here?

Jack: The first year I was here Sean took me to see the parade and it was one of the most terrifying experiences I've had. It's not like that in Ireland.

Sean: I was shocked. These young guys were very, very, very drunk, looking quite crazed, just mad.

What do you think of Mayor de Blasio not marching in the parade because gays can't openly participate?

We hadn't heard about that. But we're not going either.

So what will you be doing for St. Patrick's?

The Second Annual St. Patrick's Day Whiskey Feast with traditional Irish music from 8pm to midnight. We'll also have complimentary corned beef sandwiches and a selection of Jameson cocktails that are normally $14 for $10. It's all on our Facebook page.

This seems to be a golden time for Irish whiskey. Are you surprised?

It's not surprising because everyone in New York seems to be discerning drinkers. We've got 80 Irish whiskeys at our bar and some of the ones we're tasting, like the Paddy from 1913, makes your heart skip a beat. In the past it was viewed as the drink of the old man in the corner but now it's very current.

The prices are rivaling the finest Scotches, like the new Redbreast 21 on the market for $250 a bottle. How much do you sell it for by the glass?

At the minute it's $78 for a glass but we'd rather sell it for less so we're trying to negotiate that. It's not something you're going to try to upsell to the average person on the street. It's aged in sherry and really well made but it's for the type of person who comes in with a predetermined mindset to spend that kind of money. We've also got the new Green Spot that came out this month that sells for $14 a glass.

You just got a book deal [with Houghton Mifflin Harcourt]. How will it be different from all the other cocktail books out there?

Sean: Part of it is a memoir and part is for cocktail geeks. I met Jack when I was 18 and he was 1, the kid on his father's back. It's the story of the world we grew up in, our motivation and how we got this bar open.

Sean, you were in Belfast during the Troubles, right?

Sean: Jack was born during the Troubles so he sort of missed out but I was born in 1971 and the Troubles started in 1969. The neighborhood we grew up in, North Belfast, was the worst. We were on the Catholic side of the fence, if you know what I mean. Every night I walked out the door, until I was 30, I didn't know if I'd make it home. All the peace talks in 1994 hadn't really finished and in 1997 I was working at a bar and people were being indiscriminately killed in bars and on the street every single night. I was a bar manager during the time and I told every single employee and customer I believed it was going to happen to our bar on New Year's Eve. I left the bar at ten past seven and said to the doorman, 'keep your eyes on the door.' I went out with my wife for dinner and during that time they came in and killed a customer who was there for the first time and the doorman, a lot of carnage. The next day the owner and I were literally cleaning brains off the wall. It really messed up my head. After that I started working in the city center of Belfast and got out of that mentality.

Do you feel any of that Protestant vs. Catholic strife here?

Absolutely not.

Jack, you missed all of that, but I read you had had troubles of a different sort in school because you were studying cocktail books instead of history books and a teacher told you, 'You'll never get a fucking degree in cocktails!' Have you been able to show that teacher the awards you've won?

Jack: My mum was the one who said that. She had an academic background. I started working in bars when I was 15 and got into the hustle and bustle of it, liked being challenged. Every single penny I made I spent on cocktail books and have three or four hundred of them.

Is there anything that's harder about living in New York than Belfast?

New York is tough. We left everything behind but it's fantastic, an amazing city. We've been welcomed with open arms.

The Dead Rabbit, 30 Water St., 646-422-7906

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Maya Jane Coles' Dreamy New Video, "Comfort"

March 17, 2014, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: Channeling the '60s with Tennessee Thomas

≪ Previous: The Dead Rabbit Guys On Avoiding the St. Patrick's Day Parade (and Midtown That Day In General)

Beautiful short film directed by Jonas Lord for an (almost) instrumental track called "Comfort" by Maya Jane Coles. Coles is an acclaimed and award-winning UK producer and DJ, and the track is from her debut album -- also called Comfort -- that was originally released last summer, but is now set for a re-release in a "Deluxe" edition out March 24th. Mr. Lord is a bit of an unknown around here and, if this dreamy allegory is any indication, he's got a bright future.

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Channeling the '60s with Tennessee Thomas

March 17, 2014, 1:02 pm

≫ Next: 10 Thoughts On Part 2 of Lindsay Lohan's New Reality Show

≪ Previous: Maya Jane Coles' Dreamy New Video, "Comfort"

"This is kind of a Jane Birkin-inspired look," says musician and actress Tennessee Thomas, who, for Gap's Styld.by campaign, channeled the iconic '60s French actress and singer by pairing the Gap 1969 Destructed Denim Straight Skimmer jeans with a cropped vintage crocheted top. (See all of her looks here.)

And Thomas certainly knows her stuff when it comes to '60s pop culture references. With a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of the era's fashion and music - she knows most of the Beatles' absurdist tour movie A Hard Days Night by heart - her apartment is decorated with vintage '60s posters, François Hardy album covers and peace signs. "That was the era when bands were getting political and weren't afraid to speak out about what was going on," says Thomas. "It was such an interesting time, with the environmental movement, the protest movement and the youth movement overlapping."

When she's not DJing the Ronnettes and the Shangri-Las at parties around the city, Thomas is at her East Village shop The Deep End Club, where she sells clothes by local designers, as well as vintage clothing and knickknacks from, you guessed it, the '60s.

Though Thomas seems like a shoo-in to be Mad Men's biggest fan, she's never seen the show. "I don't have a television, says Thomas. "But I used to be in a band called the Like and Jon Hamm would come to all of our shows." All my friends would be like 'Oh my god, I can't believe he's here," laughs Thomas, "and I just never really knew what they were talking about."

May we all be as cool as this woman some day.

To see more of Tennessee's Gap looks and how she gives them a vintage spin, visit Styld.by.

Hair and makeup by Anneliese Tiecke.

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10 Thoughts On Part 2 of Lindsay Lohan's New Reality Show

March 17, 2014, 2:45 pm

≫ Next: ICYMI: This L.A. Anchorman's On-Air Reaction to Yesterday's Earthquake Is a Must-Watch

≪ Previous: Channeling the '60s with Tennessee Thomas

1. We open with Lindsay's assistant, who is always in a three-piece suit no matter what, saying that he'll jump if they don't get her into a SoHo apartment that day. And you believe Lindsay Lohan's assistant when he says something like that, because one cannot imagine the daily fresh horrors of handling a newly sober, sabotage-prone celebrity who is struggling with a fading spotlight. The hotel needs her room -- a title card tells us she's been living there for 47 days -- and there's some hard-to-follow issue with the lease being held up. Lindsay finally gets the lease and signs it, but refuses to be on camera. She is still sleeping at 2:30 in the afternoon and won't come out of her bedroom to film. Nothing could go wrong on this episode!

2. Lindsay Lohan is super broke. It turns out Lohan's lease is being held because she doesn't have the checks to put down the necessary deposits and security fee on the apartment.The production company that produces Lindsay's OWN reality show is, in fact, footing the bill. Hearing about Lohan refusing to film that morning, they take the checks back holding them as contingency until she snaps into order. Lohan gives in, agreeing to comply with the filming schedule and assuring the head of the production company that she'll show up going forward and can be trusted. This is where OWN gets some credit for its handling of this show and its attempt to portray Lohan's shitstorm of a life as candidly as possible, and there's something refreshing about a network being open about the fact that it is using an erratic former child star to make its money as much as she is using it.

3. As we were reminded by her sober coach last week, one of Lohan's biggest triggers is feeling taken advantage of. But, what's worse, as we see in her refusal to come out of her room until 4 p.m., is that Lohan takes advantage of others first. She's her own worst enemy, and though it's not easy to feel sorry for her, you still do.

4. Dina Lohan gets a DUI during filming, which Lohan takes in stride. "She'll get a bunch of attorneys," Lohan explains to the camera matter-of-factly as she's doing her make up, foregoing a glaring opportunity for some self introspection or commentary on the cycle of family substance abuse.

5. Though most of the world is pretty clued in at this point that Lohan was raised by wolves, we get that re-affirmed with a cameo by Michael Lohan, who we watch have an uncomfortable dinner with his oldest daughter. Michael can't afford an expensive car promised to Lohan's youngest brother, Cody, so Lindsay says she'll pay for it. With what money, considering her difficulties getting an apartment, is unclear. And how Michael, in turn, has the money to pay for this car is also unclear. But here, you see a clear picture of a girl who has had to step up when her parents couldn't and take care of the rest of the family. Michael tells the cameras that it was Dina who cut him out of his children's lives when they needed their father, which is definitely a thing that a parent who only wants the best for their children and takes responsibility for the trauma he's caused in their lives, says.

6. As with the debut, we see the extent to which Lohan has to deal with paparazzi, who chase her through Manhattan on scooters and bikes. "They keep creating stories for us to chase," one photographer rationalizes for the camera. "They just keep failing." The whole thing makes you want to lie down in a dark room.

7. We meet Lohan's life coach, a woman named AJ Johnson who says she's "had the pleasure of working with pharmaceutical companies" as well as "poltical dignitaries," among other high-profile clients. Lohan meets her in her office, where she has her participate in some freshman dorm move-in-day ice breakers, rattling off rapid-fire getting to know you questions like "ocean or pool," "light or dark," "yes or no," and so on and so on. It's a great thing that this woman is being paid by the OWN network and not Lohan, because, no. Later, AJ leads Lohan in some boring 'fun mom' fitness routines that she encourages her to make "sexy." Come on, just get her some private spin lessons and call it a day, OWN. It felt cruel and unusual.

8. In one of the more poignant moments from the episode, Lohan describes sobriety as "like studying for a test," in which avoiding triggers must be reinforced constantly. "At the end of the day, I didn't want to stay sober," says Lohan. "It's very easy for me to forget that."

9. After much back and forth, she finally gets the keys to her SoHo apartment. We see a rare moment of likeability from a CSI-loving Lohan as she's standing on her new deck with some friends. "I was just home watching my CSI Vegas, trying to solve the mysteries," she gushes. "When I had this weird feeling I should pack."

10. In other news, next weekend's episode of "Super Soul Sunday" with Shirley MacClaine looks super nutty.

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ICYMI: This L.A. Anchorman's On-Air Reaction to Yesterday's Earthquake Is a Must-Watch

March 18, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Chromeo's Dave 1 Runs Off With A$AP Ferg's Bride In "Jealous (I Ain't With It)"

≪ Previous: 10 Thoughts On Part 2 of Lindsay Lohan's New Reality Show

Watch this L.A. anchorman react live to the earthquake yesterday. His "I just shit myself" face is amazing. Glad no one was hurt. [via Tastefully Offensive]

Here's Patton Oswalt parodying Matthew McConaughey's "Time is a Flat Circle" speech from True Detective. Nails it. [via Comedy Central]

Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 6.19.51 PM.png

Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 6.19.51 PM.png

We're gonna say that Beyoncé, Bill Murray, Sleeping In and Snow Day In Front of a Fire Place are gonna make it to the Final Four. [via The Clearly Dope]

True. [via Knusprig Titten Hitler]

Everyday I'm hustlin'. [via Rats Off]

But next time can you send a backwards pic? [via F You No F Me]

Another day, another Ginuwine video. This time it's a "McConnelling" clip -- that is, a montage of GOP Senator Mitch McConnell smiling warmly and wordlessly set to "Pony." Enjoy. [via Jezebel]

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, Kermit the Frog went on the Tonight Show last night and performed a duet of "It's Not Easy Being Green" with Jimmy Fallon. [via Tonight Show]

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Chromeo's Dave 1 Runs Off With A$AP Ferg's Bride In "Jealous (I Ain't With It)"

March 18, 2014, 10:15 am

≫ Next: Seasick Mama: The Buzzy Pop Singer Who Gives Good Face

≪ Previous: ICYMI: This L.A. Anchorman's On-Air Reaction to Yesterday's Earthquake Is a Must-Watch

Did Chromeo frontman Dave 1 quit his day job to become a priest? It looks that way in this catchy clip for "Jealous (I Ain't With It)," but we think he's just pretending so that he can hook up with somebody before they say "I do." When he finally runs off with a bride-to-be (whose jilted groom is played by A$AP Ferg), all does not end well. The track is off the band's fourth album, White Women, out May 12, and they're playing two sold-out shows at Terminal 5 on May 16 and 17.

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Seasick Mama: The Buzzy Pop Singer Who Gives Good Face

March 18, 2014, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Neneh Cherry and Robyn Team Up In "Out Of the Black"

≪ Previous: Chromeo's Dave 1 Runs Off With A$AP Ferg's Bride In "Jealous (I Ain't With It)"

There's a lot to envy about Seasick Mama (a.k.a Marial Maher), the buzzy, Brooklyn-based indie pop singer who balances her music with a budding modeling career. But any jealousy quickly dissipates when you realize she's pretty damn good at both. The singer worked with producers David Sitek (TV on the Radio), Sam Farrar (Phantom Planet), and Peter Wade (MNDR), on her recent EP, Tip Top Shape, out now, and nabbed campaigns for NYC makeup line Ardency Inn and denim brand Cult of Individuality. We chatted with Marial about where she got the name, her new video "Gimme Something More To Work With" (which we're psyched to exclusively premiere, below), and artist communes in Germany. Read on.

When did you start playing music?

My dad has always been very musical and always used music as some sort of therapy for his children. The earliest [music] memory I have is of my dad using his guitar and his sense of humor to calm us down or keep us distracted or entertain us. But the earliest memory that I have of being like "Wow, I really want to learn how to play the guitar or sing" was after I graduated college. I was so confused.

What inspires your music?

I have a very creative family -- well, a really bizarre family. My sister lived in New York for a while and then moved to Germany and started this huge, weird artist commune. It's in the middle of nowhere outside of Berlin. It's like these huge pig farms that she turned into really cool, trendy lofts and artists just come from all around the world and collaborate on music. It's mostly dance and performance art and video -- all this weird, bizarre shit. When I saw my sister being able to make a living creatively I was like, "I need to do that, too."

Where did the name Seasick Mama come from?

In college, I broke up with my boyfriend and he wrote me this really beautiful song. One of the lines in it was "you're nothing but a seasick mama." That just resonated with me. I looked it up and I found that it was a lyric to a Neil Young song called "For the Turnstiles." The way I [think of it] is that it's about a sailor's wife, someone who is loyal to her husband, even though they are away for a very long time. Like a very loyal, strong woman. I really liked that imagery a lot so I kept it because I kind of want to be that person. I want to be loyal and strong, even if I'm by myself. So I made it my artist name.

You've described your sound as "intellectual pop music." What does that mean?

Taylor Swift, Miley, Rihanna -- I feel like those women are all fronts for small old men who write music for them that become hits. But there are artists out there that are writing all their own stuff like Lorde, Little Dragon, Grimes. All those girls are super smart and are also trying to market themselves in the pop world. There are so many talented songwriters that I don't think get enough credibility. I had this conversation with someone and I was like "I feel like there should be a new genre called 'intellectual pop music.'" Fucking smart ass women writing all their own stuff with no help from anybody. I write all my own lyrics and melodies. I've had help from producers, but I just want people to know that all these words are coming from me. They're all honest.

(Video directed by Teddy Greenburg and Ian Perlman)

What's "Gimme Something More To Work With" about?

The song is basically about the dating world. When I'm dating people for the first time it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend or some sort of serious relationship. It's more about just having fun. "I really like you, but I don't want you as my boyfriend." Some people don't respond to that well. They are very sensitive. "Gimme Something More To Work With" is saying "I'm not asking you to be my savior, I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, I'm not asking you to be the love of my life, just give me something more to work with. Just give me something more than 'I want you to be my friend.'"

Tell me about the video. Where did you shoot it?

We originally wanted to shoot inside a place called Grossinger's. It's this old, broken down former resort in upstate New York. We drove two and a half hours and realized that we couldn't get in. There was a huge sign that said, "Do not trespass. If you do, you'll go to jail." I was like "I don't want to go to jail!" The closest that we could get to that was to shoot in the director's basement. He was like "I have this basement. I've never been down there." It looked like someone was living down there. It was extremely terrifying. But it worked out for the better. We wanted this grungy setting, since the song's tone is very dark and I think we did a pretty good job for what we had.

What's next for you?

Well, I keep bothering my label to release even more music. I've written probably 30 songs in the past year. I was just like, "Let's just keep releasing more music every single day." But that's not going to happen. In the summer I want to release another EP that will definitely have a summer vibe. I want to have a song of the summer. I feel like I have a few songs that definitely fit for, like, cocktail hour at the beach.

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Neneh Cherry and Robyn Team Up In "Out Of the Black"

March 18, 2014, 1:30 pm

≫ Next: Our Top 10 Favorite Redheaded Models

≪ Previous: Seasick Mama: The Buzzy Pop Singer Who Gives Good Face

Neneh Cherry hooked-up with Robyn (fyi: they are both Swedish) on this track from her album, Blank Project, released last month. The song, "Out Of the Black," was produced by Four Tet (not Swedish) and here it gets a trippy/psychedelic treatment crafted by Dario Vigorito (aka 241247), a "friend and former assistant" to the acclaimed video director Chris Cunningham (Bjork, Aphex Twin). Sorry to get off-track, but this kid and his weird, all-digit moniker has caused us to digress. Check out his way-cool website HERE.

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Our Top 10 Favorite Redheaded Models

March 18, 2014, 2:00 pm

≫ Next: Adult World Screenwriter Andrew Cochran On Millennial Disorders and Shitty Post-College Jobs

≪ Previous: Neneh Cherry and Robyn Team Up In "Out Of the Black"

We like a dash of rarity with our beauty and since natural redheads are a dying breed, or so they say, and finding a hairdresser with any skill to create a natural ginger hue is pretty much impossible, we always appreciate a full mane of genetic red hair. And especially when it seems like every model in the universe is going platinum these days, a ravishing red tone on the runway or popping up in campaigns feels fun and fresh. We've rounded up our top ten favorite redheaded models, below.

Bartek Borowiec
Talk about hair envy...Bartek Borowiec's signature Rapunzel-esque red locks add an androgynous appeal that's landed him runway gigs at Hugo Boss and Gucci and plenty of print "blowing in the wind" spreads. He's like some sort of ginger nymph god-meets-goddess.

Cintia Dicker
With her striking auburn tones and bodacious body, Brazilian-born beauty Cintia Dicker has successfully balanced the crème de la crème of commercial modeling gigs like SI's Swimsuit Issue -- following '90s redheaded babe Angie Everhart -- and Victoria's Secret Angel status with high fashion bookings like runway appearances at Dolce & Gabbana and ad campaigns for Tom Ford and Yves Saint Laurent.

Karen Elson
Since being photographed by Steven Meisel on her 18th birthday for the cover of Italian Vogue, 35-year-old Elson has become the industry's most iconic redhead -- basically "super" worthy. Her curly crimson locks and pale, porcelain skin have landed her gigs with all the top photographers (Weber, Testino, Demarchelier), magazines (W, Harper's Bazaar, all the Vogues) and fashion houses (Marc Jacobs, Chanel, Dior). You know, just to name a few things...

Magdalena Jasek
Spring 2013 was the breakout season for the freckle-faced, flame-haired Pole, Magdalena Jasek. She starred in campaigns for Valentino eyewear and Louis Vuitton (where she was joined by fellow redhead Bria Condon) and was the only ginger in Prada's 'faces of women' Spring 2014 collection campaign.

Maggie Rizer
In the late 1990s and early 2000s Rizer's red head rocked covers of Vogue and endless ready-to-wear runways after being discovered by Steven Meisel -- apparently he's the redhead-whisperer. Naturally strawberry-blonde, Rizer choose to change to a cherry-crimson in hopes of standing out amongst the era's endless stick-straight blondes like Carmen Kass, and it worked. Let red reign!

Francois Verkerk
With his ginger-tinged tresses cut like Morrisey's and a handlebar mustache, Francois Verkerk is the hipster-est ginger there ever was -- but it's working for him. He's walked the runway for Yohji Yamamoto and landed a Lanvin ad campaign and we'd follow this luscious leprechaun right over the rainbow.

Anastasia Ivanova
With her wide-set baby-blues and full, regal features, Anastasia Ivanova looks like neo-Renaissance royalty. The kind that would go against her family's wishes, give up her jewels and gowns for bland burlap -- but still look ravishing, of course -- to marry the peasant she loves. Originally a synchronized swimmer, this Russian doll has walked endless runways from couture to ready-to-wear, Maison Martin Margiela to Delpozo.

Grace Coddington
Before she was the iconic Vogue editor she is today, Welsh-born Grace Coddington got her start in the industry as a model after winning a British Vogue modeling competition. As the epitome of a fierce, fiery redhead (i.e. The September Issue), we can't decide if we love her crimson curls or her courageous creativity more.

Lily Cole
With her heart-shaped face, smooth alabaster skin and round blue eyes, British model-turned-actress Lily Cole is a walking porcelain doll. Landing her first cover at 16 for British Vogue, Cole went on to rule the runways, campaigns, and pages of the 2000s before kicking off her acting career in 2007 with a role on English prep school TV series St. Trinians.

Anniek Kortleve
With her piercing stare, fuzzy copper mane, and invisible eyebrows, Holland's Anniek Kortleve is otherworldly. Showing for the first time during the Fall 2011 season, Kortleve walked an overwhelming 33 shows. She was cast in Balenciaga's Fall 2012 campaign -- the final fall collection designed by Nicolas Ghesquiere -- alongside other relatively unknown models shot by Steven Meisel (the redhead whisperer strikes again!).

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