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A Dutch Artist/Singer Tells Us About the Best in Amsterdam Nightlife

02_CaroEmerald-Credit-Adrie_Mouthaan-Amstel Hotel5_20121127_143624.jpgEach week in our new column, "No Sleep Til...," we'll be talking to cool kids around the globe, asking them to fill us in about the bands, DJs, music venues and night spots they and their friends are obsessing over. Next time you visit their home city, leave your Fodor's and Lonely Planet guides behind and go party like a local instead.


Caro Emerald



Where do you live?


What do you do there?

I am an artist.

What Dutch bands or DJs are you obsessed with and think we should know about?

I really like the [producer] group Kraak & Smaak, they're fun. They're electronic and they've got some jazz influences. It's dance music, but it's also very groovy, which I like. "Let's Go Back" is great fun to move to.

Where are the cool places to see live music in Amsterdam?

My favorite place to see concerts is Paradiso. It's a concert hall and a nightlife spot inside an old church! It's hard to describe the crowd -- it varies and people of all ages and nationalities go there. They organize all types of events. There used to be an event called Choir Days where they would organize performances by artists from all over the country. It was three days of different a capella choirs performing, and I loved to go and listen for myself.

Describe your perfect night out in Amsterdam.

I love to go out in my area, the Pijp. It's a very popular area in Amsterdam. There's not a lot of tourists and it's very lively. There is the Albert Cuyp Market during the day and it opens up to shops and bars at night.

What's your favorite night spot in Amsterdam?

There is a really hip party in a big flat in an empty building called Canvas. You head to the 7th floor, you get there by elevator, and it's really cool. The DJs spin vinyl and a lot of old-school, funky music and soul, which I love to dance to. For more hardcore nightlife events, check out Trouw, which organizes weekly parties.

What's a bar or club you would NEVER go to in Amsterdam?

I would never go to Escape, a big disco that is very much a tourist scene. They play house music, dance music. I haven't been there too many times. I like the underground, creative parties.

Check out Caro's music recs:

Kraak & Smaak -- "Squeeze Me"

Check out Caro's nightlife listings:

Paradiso, Weteringschans 6-8 1017 SG Amsterdam

Canvas, Volkskrant building, 7th floor Wibautstraat 150 1091GR Amsterdam

Trouw, Wibautstraat 131 1091 GL Amsterdam

Photo of Caro Emerald by Adrie Mouthaan

More from our 'No Sleep Til...' series including nightlife and music in Paris, Mumbai, Seoul, Bogotá and more!

Planned Parenthood's "Summer, Sex & Spirit" Benefit: An AndrewAndrew Photo Recap

Paper's resident theater critics and cosmic DJ twins AndrewAndrew provided the tunes at last night's ninth annual Planned Parenthood Summer fundraiser "Summer, Sex & Spirit," featuring a silent-auction (among items on the auction block: a $15,000 golden vibrator) and circus performers. We asked Andrews to do a little photo diary for us of the evening. Check it out below.

aapp1.jpgWe discovered the least-erotic piece of erotic art ever!

aapp6.jpgWe had to play some Stones after seeing this suggestive balloon.

aapp8.jpgThe crowd was good-looking but had to compete with this insanely good view.

aapp7.jpgHere we are with a $15,000 "martial aid." A clever young lady remarked, "I want 15,000 on my finger, not in my hoo-ha." Of course, if it was on your finger, you could put it wherever you liked.

aapp2.jpgThat's hand sanitizer, not lube. Get your mind out of the gutter.

aapp5.jpgWe have no idea what this was about but it made our night.

aapp3.jpgActually, the endless shots of this delicious tequila made our night.

aapp4.jpgWe almost won this bag this for the fabulous Mr. Mickey. It just screams MM!

Leslie Bibb On Playing 'the Pretty One' in Neil LaBute's "Reasons to Be Happy"


In Will Ferrell's Nascar send-up Talledega Nights, Leslie Bibb plays Ricky Bobby's "red-hot smoking wife... a stone cold fox who if you were to rate her ass out of 100 it would easily be a 94." Bibb, who was discovered in a modeling search on Oprah in the '90s, again takes on the role of the Hot Girl in the off-Broadway MCC production of Neil LaBute's new play Reasons to Be Happy. Written as a kind-of sequel to LaBute's Broadway play reasons to be pretty, about a quartet of friends who are grappling with what it means to be beautiful and how that affects their relationships, this play -- as the title suggests -- is more about what it means to be happy in a relationship. It follows up with the same characters, the beautiful Carly (Bibb), the "regular-looking" Steph (Jenna Fischer, fresh of the finale of The Office), the aggressive hunk Kent (Fred Weller) and the aimless Greg (Josh Hamilton). It opened last night at the Lucille Lortel Theatre and the New York Times has already dubbed it "the most winning romantic comedy of the summer," and a relaxed departure for the notoriously misogynistic LaBute. Here Bibb chats with us about Skype auditions, Kim Kardashian and what makes her happy...

This is your New York stage debut. Were you apprehensive about it? 

There's a part of me, right when I'm about to go onstage, that says, "run." Every single time. I don't do it, but there's a part of me that's like, "What are you doing? This is insanity! This is not natural." People are unkind. Especially with social media. There's no "take two." My boyfriend [Sam Rockwell]'s also an actor and I came home and I was like, "You gotta have balls to do theater!" and he's like "That's right." I mean, I'm tooting my own horn, but you really have to have cajones to go out there in front of people and lay your heart out and then have somebody be like, "I don't like it." But it's a great group of people. Josh Hamilton is one of my boyfriend's dearest friends, so I knew him before this, and Fred Weller is such a lovely actor and Jenna Fischer and I share a dressing room. Everyday I fall a little bit more in love with her. It's kind of fun because we both are having our debut in New York theater and every morning she's like, "How do you feel this morning?"  

It's kind of funny thinking about you guys, two very well-known TV and film actresses sharing a tiny dressing room at the Lucille Lortel Theatre.  

Our dressing room is tricked out! There's an Equity rule that you have to have a little mattress to lay down on -- which you do use all the time -- and so I came in, because I'm a nester and I had a blanket for it and I brought pillow cases. I have an air purifier in the room and I'm like Faye Dunaway with the good lights. We always say, "Our side's better than the boys side isn't it?" It's comfy and I have to tell you the boys do come on our side. But [Jenna and I] sit in that dressing room and we just go, "Can we leave? What are we doing? I'm so scared," and then we laugh our asses off. She makes me laugh a lot. She's really fucking funny.

Sounds like a fun group. 

Nobody's trying to be too cool for school and that's really refreshing. Sometimes actors can be assholes and pompous and it's like get in line man we're all doing the same thing. We're not like curing cancer or anything. 

What's Neil LaBute like?

Neil is fantastic. I adore him. I got the job via Skype, which is kinda cool, and kinda crazy. We talked about the process, talked about the character, and all this stuff, but I remember when I Skyped with him I was expecting this really dark person a la Aaron Eckhart in [LaBute's film] The Company of Men. But he was really sweet. And he loves dogs, which to me is always an immediate test of a good heart. I have a German Shepherd, and I'd bring her to rehearsal. But don't get it twisted -- he's a dark fucker. But I like darkness. I like a dark sense of humor. A joke that other people might groan at, I think is funny and he's all that. But he's also a really genuine, kind, sweet person. I remember I came into rehearsal and our dog had gotten rat poison somehow on the street, so Sam took her to the vet and they were pumping her stomach. So I walked in -- and it's my dog, it's not like it's my fucking kid -- but Neil was like, "What's wrong?" And I was like, "Sadie just ate rat poison" and he's like, "Do you need to go? It's fine." And I know it sounds so silly, but I'm used to television and film, where it's like, "Oh you hurt yourself? That's too bad." I got in a really bad surfing accident once--I had 40 stitches in my ear and twenty in my wrist and my whole head was bandaged and I remember my agent called the producer [of the show I was in] and was like, "Listen she's fucked up... it was a very serious accident." My entire head was bandaged. I looked like a Teletubbie who was auditioning for Girl Interrupted because my arm was bandaged so it looked like I tried to kill myself and I remember the unit production manager said, "Can we wig her?" So, I always say to Jenna, 'This is not, like, normal. This is a really treasured experience that we're having right now.' 

This is a follow up to Neil's play reasons to be pretty, and you play Carly, "the pretty one." Is that weird to think about?  

It's so weird right? 'The pretty one.' There is this assumption that if you're good-looking or if you're skinny or if you have a good body, that somehow life is easier for you. Do I think that it gets you in doors sometimes? Yeah, of course it does, we're a fucking gross society. Do you think Kim Kardashian, if she weren't pretty, would have what happens to her? No. I think that it does help, it has helped in life, but at the end of the day if you don't have something to back that up it'll only get you so far. I think that was what was interesting about this play for me with Carly. This is a girl who wants somebody to really see her, and nobody sees her because all they see is her looks in this small town where she's a big fish in the looks dept. I think this woman has more to give than that, but nobody's giving her the opportunity or taking a moment to see that. I think this is a really evolved piece for Neil especially for his women. It feels like these four characters have gone deeper. Looks are a part of it, but I think that's only because they're carrying over from reasons to be pretty. This really is about this pursuit for people to be happy and what that means and what choices they're making to make them happy.  

Do you know what makes you happy? 

It depends on the day. I'm really happy in the morning with Sam and Sadie, in the house having coffee listening to music -- I couldn't be happier then. I'm not fucking happy when I don't get a job I want. My work makes me happy but that's a slippery slope because it's not the fairest business. It's not always that the most-talented or the right person wins the tole, so that conversation, about what makes you happy, has been something I've been talking about forever.

Josh Hamilton and Leslie Bibb in a scene from
Reasons to Be Happy photographed by Joan Marcus.

Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" Re-Imagined Through the Decades


It turns out that Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" would be a catchy tune in any decade. Case in point: this video, made by YouTuber PV NOVA called "Evolution of Get Lucky," which re-imagines what the song would sound like if it were made in every decade from the 1920s through the 2020s. The song really meshes with some eras -- it sounds perfectly natural in its '20s, '30s and '40s iterations -- and it's (unsurprisingly) hard to tell the '70s version from the current one. Watch above and download here.

[via Death and Taxes]

David Letterman Would Like to Know If You Own Or Rent Your Drums


Here's a two and a half-minute supercut of David Letterman asking musicians, "Are those your drums or did you rent them? They're beautiful. " It's the kind of clip you think will be dumb and get old after 5 seconds but is actually, really, really funny. (And isn't that Letterman's oeuvre in a nutshell?) [via Hypervocal]

tumblr_moaau02XfY1qe0wclo1_500.pngNeed this personal space box on the 6 train. [via The Clearly Dope]

tumblr_ml4oiyeSd41qzaz7to1_400.gifWe still don't get it. [via Coin Farts]

Turns out the NSA has been tapping phones since the early '90s -- they were helping pre-teen girls find dream dates as a test run for finding terrorists. [via Late Night Basement]

Screen shot 2013-06-12 at 7.04.28 PM.pngOh Brit Brit. [via Afternoon Snooze Button]

tumblr_moar0oXZaM1r0wqrdo1_400.jpgPassword is 123456789. [via Humor Train]

Screen shot 2013-06-12 at 11.35.26 PM.pngWe're digging this art project in Paris that dresses historic statues up like they just got off at the Bedford stop. [via Daily What]

ICYMI: The Lonely Island -- a.k.a. "Glasses Patrol" -- were the latest dudes to participate in Rookie's "Ask a Grown Man" series and their advice to teenage girls is actually really, really good! [via Rats Off]

Here's a soothing clip of a baby alligator enjoying a head massage. [via Tastefully Offensive]

In light of Tim Tebow signing with the Patriots, Jimmy Fallon brought back Tebowie. Watch above. [via Top 5 Funniest]

From Punk to Witchy R&B, All the Cant-Miss Acts This Year



Deervana performs at the 2011 Northside Festival. Photo by Signe Pierce.

The fifth annual Northside Festival starts tonight, shutting down ten blocks of Bedford Avenue. Since its inception, the Festival has added a tech conference (NExT, for "Northside Entrepreneurship and Technology") and a film festival (starting next week), but the core attraction remains the over 350 bands playing in dozens of venues throughout Williamsburg and Greenpoint. Shows are ticketed individually, but an $80 pass will get you into any show (provided you arrive early enough). We've sketched a schedule of sets for badgeholders to flit through all weekend, but remember that festivals still run on rock 'n' roll time and admission is not guaranteed.

Thursday, 6/13

8:30, 9:15 Pop Zeus, Butter the Children

Two local bands playing short, catchy dream-pop.

Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Avenue. $13, all ages. Tickets here.

~10:00 The Casualties

The spikey-haired street-punk mainstays have been pumping out catchy sing-alongs for over twenty years (I saw them at Warped Tour '03); their Northside show is bound to be a respite from Brooklyn blog-rock.

The Grand Victory, 245 Grand Street. $12, 21+.

~11:00 The Julie Ruin, Body/Head

Kathleen Hanna's recently revived lo-fi project joins Kim Gordon's noisy new duo (with guitarist Bill Nace) at Pitchfork's showcase, which will probably be packed but is still worth a shot.

Saint Vitus, 1120 Manhattan Avenue. $15, 21+. Tickets here.

~12:30 ?uestlove

Before the Internet discovered how awesome it is to pair pop hits with Soul Train footage, Roots drummer and fried chicken purveyor ?uestlove was doing just that at his monthly "Bowl Train" shindig, now three years in the running.

Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Ave. $5 advance/$8 door, 21+. Tickets here.

Friday, 6/14

~7:30 Supercute!

Teenagers Julia Cumming and Rachel Trachtenburg (of the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players) play ukulele-driven ditties like "Dreamsicle" and "Candy City."

The Grand Victory, 245 Grand Street. $12, 21+.

8:30 Ludwig Persik

Smartass electrofunk from Jamie Lidell's protégé.

Cameo Gallery, 93 North 6th Street. $15, 21+. Tickets here.

9:15 Ken Mode

The long-running Winnipeg noise-rock trio swings as much as it thrashes.

285 Kent Avenue. $12, all ages. Tickets here.

10:00 Oneida w/ Rhys Chatham

Brooklyn psych princes Oneida and downtown minimalist composer Rhys Chatham reprise the droney melange of jazz-, punk- and metal-influenced pieces they debuted at last year's Ecstatic Music Festival.

Europa, 98 Meserole Avenue. $20, all ages. Tickets here.

~11:00 Black Flag

Ok, if you don't have a ticket you're gonna need a badge and to get there really early, but still -- Greg Ginn playing Black Flag songs! Even the Times's Ben Ratliff approves of the seminal hardcore band's reunion, led by songwriter/string strangler/SST label head Ginn -- not to be confused with the former bandmates who have been touring under the name Flag.

Warsaw, 261 Driggs Avenue. Sold out (badges still accepted), all ages.

12:00 The So So Glos

Brooklyn DIY punks and Papermag tour diarists the So So Glos' raucous live show and big NOFXy hooks are the perfect way to cap off a Friday night.

Public Assembly (back room), 70 North 6th St. $10, 18+. Tickets here.

1:15 Ian Isiah

Card-carrying member of the Ghe20 g0th1k and Hood By Air crews, Ian Isiah blends smooth R&B with witchy house beats. End your night at his 285 Kent set, dancing with bindi-wearing and septum ring-sporting party kids.

285 Kent Avenue. $10 advance/$12 door.

Saturday, 6/15

5:00 Juniper Rising

Lap steel guitar (fretted by the Men's Kevin Faulkner) adds some country musk to this quartet's Burger Records-approved garage pop.

Dr. Marten's Stage, North 3rd Street and Bedford Avenue. Free, all ages.

6:00 Harmonica Lewinskies

This funky local septet's good-natured sound leans variously toward blues and bossa nova, depending on when they swap out their namesake reed for a more traditional horn section.

Muchmore's, 2 Havemeyer Street. $7, all ages.

7:30 Cities Aviv

Former hardcore screamer Gavin Mays synthesizes two great '80s New York sounds: no wave and rap.

Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Avenue. $10, all ages. Tickets here.

8:15 Turnip King

If the thought of drunk 18-year-olds thrashing around frightens your old soul, don't worry: the Long Island band's easily digestible indie rock melodies will cheer you up.

Public Assembly (back room), 70 North 6th Street. $10, 18+.

9:00 Chance the Rapper

Chicago's Chancelor Bennett is giving positive hip-hop a good name with the recent mixtape Acid Rap. Expect this to be crowded.

Europa, 98 Meserole Avenue. $15, all ages. Tickets here.

10:00 Milk Music

The Olympia band dragged their grimy grunge further into Neil Young territory on this year's Cruise Your Illusion.

285 Kent Avenue. $13, all ages.

11:00 Lost Boy?

Davey Jones's catchy lo-fi anthems (think Pavement at 78 rpm) get beefed up onstage with a powerful rhythm section and an exquisite guitar sound.

Brooklyn Fireproof, 119 Ingraham Street. $10, 21+.

12:00 New York Night Train

This installment of 45" master Jonathan Toubin's '60s soul dance party includes a set by Detroit garage rocker (Gories/Dirtbombs) Mick Collins and a dance-off with a $100 cash prize. Bring your moves!

Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Avenue. $7, 21+.

2:30 Stretch Armstrong

Known on the New York circuit for his aggressive mixes of hip-hop, reggae and house, Stretch Armstrong has been spinning since 1990.

Cameo Gallery, 93 North 6th Street. $10 with RSVP to rsvp@resonatenyc.com/$15 without, 21+.

3:00 Pharmakon

Margaret Chardiet's abrasive industrial noise should help you stay awake at this early-morning hour.

Public Assembly (Back Room), 70 North 6th Street. $TBA, 21+.

Sunday, 6/16

7:30 Lambchop

Kurt Wagner's methadone-country ensemble has been going strong for nearly 20 years

Europa, 98 Meserole Avenue. $20, all ages. Tickets here.

8:30 Grooms

The shoegaze-y Brooklyn trio features ferocious drumming from Jim Sykes.

285 Kent Avenue. $15, all ages. Tickets here.

9:15 Hot Sugar

The prolific producer has worked with Das Racist and the Roots.

Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Avenue. $10, all ages. Tickets here.

~10:00 Adolescents

The OC punk veterans visit the East Coast. You know "Amoeba" from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3.

Music Hall of Williamsburg, 66 North 6th Street. $15, 16+. Tickets here.

11:00 Nu Sensae

The no-nonsense Vancouver grunge-punk trio plays tunes off last year's Sundowning.

Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street. $10, all ages. Tickets here.

This Rap Video Encapsulates All '90s Sitcoms In One Fell Swoop


Larz Randa is an aspiring 20-year-old New Zealand-based rapper who reminds us of Danny Brown and who just made the most '90s sitcom-tastic video for her song "Frankenstein." In addition to the '90s-related lyrics ("Tamagotchi don't swim / but my 'gotchi play tennis"), Randa hits all the marks: the MIDI musical flourishes; the Furbies, Pokemon, and complete overabundance of video games; the stupid jokes and catchphrases accompanied by a laughtrack; the clothes; and the graphics (oh God, the graphics). The video is like a hybrid of Clarissa Explains It All, All That, and Friends with a heaping dose of all of your favorite childhood toys mixed in.

[h/t It's Nice That]

The Top 5 Gayest Moments in the New 300: Rise of an Empire Trailer


The first trailer for 300: Rise of an Empire is here, and it's just as packed with blood, gore, slo-mo and CGI as you'd expect it to be. Rise of an Empire is a follow up to the original 300 film and deals with Xerxes' quest to take over more territory, blah blah blah -- let's get to the half-naked grunting dudes! There are lots of them in this trailer. So to help those who find a sweaty man far more interesting than fictional takes on ancient legends, here are its top 5 gayest and most homoerotic moments.

5. 1:19: Xerxes' brow and eye-liner game.
4. 0:37: The slo-mo closeup of a sweaty, sexxxy beard.

3. 0:45: The fighter sensually sharpening his spear while we get a peek of his underboob.

2. 0:41: The anonymous builder stripping a big log that's jutting out towards the camera.

1. 0:27: Xerxes walking into his castle in gold leather shorts and bondage jewelry! Gurl!

PREMIERE: Correatown's "Valparaiso" (Pleiades Remix)


For Correatown's hazy pop track "Valparaiso," frontwoman Angela Correa decided to use a clip from the 1909 French film, The Butterfly and the Spider. The whimsical footage of a turn-of-the-century magician and his butterfly-and-spider costumed assistants fits Correa's dreamy vocals and it's pretty damn cool to watch those old-timey special effects. Watch "Valparaiso" above.

"Valparaiso" appears on Pleiades, out now via Highline Records

Web Series "The Horribles" Tackles Gchatting at Work


Web series "Little Horribles" -- produced by Issa Rae and featuring a cameo by 2013 Beautiful Person Ilana Glazer -- premiered its second episode which addresses a subject that's extremely important to the workforce of today: Gchat etiquette. Watching her coworker's disappointing real-life reactions to her Gchats proves to be too much for Amy, the series protagonist, who chews the coworker out for lying about laughing out loud. It's absurd and a little cathartic -- after all, everyone's had the hilarious cat video they worked so hard to find be unjustly brushed off with a wan "lol," "haha" or "brb." Watch above.

Benno and Leo Batali on Their New Cookbook and Chef Boyardee's Dark Side

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 5.07.22 PM.png
Forget the children's menu, underage foodies have have a new bible for whipping up tasty treats in la cucina: The Batali Brothers Cookbook. We caught up with authors Benno and Leo Batali, spawn of the Italian culinary juggernaut Mario Batali, to chat about their favorite recipes from the book, tips they've learned from their dad and Chef Boyardee's dark side.  

Which recipe included in this cookbook is your favorite and why?
Leo: I like the Italian corn. It's easy and you can pair it with any other dish. The blue cheese pocket burgers are delicious, but not the sort of thing you can have every night.  

What is your least-favorite food?
We do not like durian as a family.

Do you have a food that you disliked when you were younger but enjoy now? 
Leo: When I was a kid, I famously boasted that my favorite food was duck testicles. I guess when my dad makes something it's usually tasty. I still like them now.
Benno: Our dad always put food on the table, we'd try it and almost always liked it. but i must say I have grown to really like oysters a lot more than i used to, especially the kumamoto variety

What's the most important cooking tip that you've learned from your dad?
When it comes to seasonings, don't be shy. Red pepper flakes and Maldon sea salt go a long way.

I barely ever cook for myself and am looking for some easy recipes for making at home. If I was having a dinner party, what recipe included in your book would you recommend that I make?
The book was written over a summer in Michigan, so it's perfect for a cookout/barbecue. Pocket burgers and corn, Italian style. Both easy and so much better than the basic BBQ staples.  We also suggest having a breakfast party on the weekend.. pancakes, cinnamon swirl french toast and peach shortcake are all great and easy to do

Besides your dad's restaurants, where are your favorite places to eat in New York?
Benno: Pearl Oyster Bar is a family favorite.
Leo: We love Roberta's.

Do you ever order off the kids' menu when you go out?
We're pretty adventurous, but sometimes it's hard to resist a grilled cheese. But we would never ask for a kids menu at a good place

Who do you think would win in a fight: Chef Boyardee or the Swedish Chef from the Muppets?
Chef Boyardee, hands down. The Swedish Chef wielded a fish. Plus, there's something menacing about Boyardee's smirk. Never trusted him.

The In A World... Trailer's Here and Looks Awesome


The trailer for In a World..., Lake Bell's already-Award-winning film she wrote, directed and stars in, is finally here. And -- how meta! -- it's about trying to make it in the movie trailer industry. In a World... follows vocal coach Carol (played by Bell), who struggles to land a career in the movie trailer voice-over industry -- a male-dominated field -- while trying not to be overshadowed by her father (Fred Malamed), the most famous voice-over artist in the biz. Carol also finds time to coach/mildly humiliate Eva Longoria. If all that weren't reason enough to see it, the supporting cast of veteran comedians (Nick Offerman, Tig Notaro, Rob Corddry, Ken Marino, and Demetri Martin) will certainly up the voice-over-frenemy ante. Check it out above.

"Hipsters Who Dress Like Jackie From Roseanne" = Perfect


Screen-shot-2013-06-13-at-7.57.42-AM.jpgHow are we just now finding out about the amazing new Tumblr Hipsters Who Dress Like Jackie From Roseanne? It's hilarious and perfect. [via TheFrisky]

tumblr_mod4kgXlwz1qaqk3no2_1280.pngNew Favorite Twitter Alert: Feminist Taylor Swift. [AfternoonSnoozeButton]

A video of dogs sticking their heads out the window. Could you ask for anything more? [Gawker]
 tumblr_moajjpHWGS1s9dnijo1_500.gifSurprise, it's Cookie Monster at the White House! [DailyDot]

tumblr_mo7imfBliP1r72zxzo1_500.jpgMorning Funnies Crest. [OldFilmsFlickr]

marilizeleguans.pngWokes deem every day. [LaughterKey]

tumblr_mo5w9088eF1qzdza2o1_500.jpgHave a greet weekend!
Cher's wig in this photo. [Superseventies]

Scope Project 104's New Shrine-and-Vice-Inspired Swimwear Line

Screen shot 2013-06-05 at 6.10.26 PM.pngIce Cream Maiden: "Energetic, full of life, jester / Centre of attention or she'll shoot you...with a water pistol / Find her...slipping skittles into Grey Goose at a beach rave in Goa"

"My body is a temple," Project 104's new S/S '13 swimwear lookbook starts off by saying. "But my temple likes getting trashed." The UK swimwear brand's designer, Sarah Reader, decided to poke fun at the whole notion of vices in her cheeky new collection entitled "My Body, My Shrine." Each swimsuit is printed with an image of a different Technicolor shrine made of doilies, candles, and flowers that camouflage contraband. Reader even decided to give each design a little back story -- the Ice Cream Maiden model, for example, is an ode to a girl you'll find slipping Skittles into her Grey Goose at a beach rave in Goa and Sister Cig is the kind of gal who carries a hip flask in a bible. Each suit is also individually numbered on the butt to let shoppers know that each piece is a one-of-a-kind art.

The swimsuits are available HERE for approximately $129. You can scope the different designs -- and their back stories -- above and below.

Screen shot 2013-06-05 at 6.04.14 PM.pngCola Queen: "Fun, wild child, gambler / Hot headed from caffeine, she loves you as much as she hates you / Find her...boozing on Black Russians at a pool party in Vegas"

Screen shot 2013-06-05 at 6.04.38 PM.pngSister Cig: "She looks sweet, but she isn't / She likes boys with tattoos and carries a hip flask in a bible / Find her...toasting tequila along the coast of Argentina"

Screen shot 2013-06-05 at 6.14.55 PM.pngPill Bunny: "Dreamer, deep thinker, serene / Everyone wants to know what's her secret? / Find her...sipping apple martinis anywhere stranger than paradise"

Blasphemy in Rock: a Timeline



Yesterday morning Kanye West shared a snippet of "I Am a God," the provocatively-titled song from his forthcoming album Yeezus. The grandiosity is off-putting, but it's nothing new -- this is the guy who wore a crown of thorns on the cover of Rolling Stone. And anyway, rockers have been comparing themselves to deities since Jesus was still bigger than the Beatles. Here's a timeline, and playlist. (Spoiler: the Wu-Tang Clan feature prominently)


1952: Jazz musician Herman Poole Blount legally changes his name to Le Sony'r Ra -- referring both to the Egyptian sun god and to Blount's nickname, "Sonny." Sun Ra would release over a hundred albums of wacked-out free jazz before his death in 1993.


1966: New York avant-garde label ESP-Disk releases Contact High with the Godz, a freaky mess of an LP by a group of practically anonymous Lower East Side hippies.


1976: A group of Columbus, Ohio hard-rockers comes together as the Godz. (They would eventually pay a settlement to the New York Godz in order to retain the name.)

1986: Three Melbourne teens get together under the name God, issue the proto-grunge barnstomper "My Pal."


1991: Grand Puba raps "Swing the microphone like the great mighty Thor" -- who of course was a Norse god before he was in Marvel Comics -- on Brand Nubian's "Feels So Good."

U-God - The Golden Arms Is Back Vol. 1 (2012).jpg

1993: A narcotics sentence limits U-God's presence on Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers, but his opening verse on "Da Mystery of Chessboxin'" ("Raw I'm-a give it to you, with no trivia/ Raw like cocaine straight from Bolivia") is one for the ages.


1997: Ol' Dirty Bastard (who sometimes went by the alias "Big Baby Jesus") proclaims himself "the Osirus of this shit" -- a reference to the Egyptian god of the afterlife -- on Wu-Tang single "Triumph."


1998: "I Am the Bullgod" is the second single from Kid Rock's Devil Without a Cause; the third, "Bawitdaba," will launch the Detroit rapper into national fame.


2001: Jay-Z claims the title "J-Hova" (short for "Jehovah) on his smash "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)."


2002: Nas releases God's Son: a head-scratching move in light of his beef with Jay-Z.

Ghostface Killah & Trife Da God - Put It On The Line.jpg

2004: Ghostface Killah sideman Trife Da God makes his début on "Biscuits," from his mentor's Pretty Toney Album.


2009: Rap's original virtuoso Rakim reclaims the title of "God MC" on "Holy Are You."

2010: Lil B releases "I'm God."

Everclear's "Father of Mine" is a Battle Cry for the Daddy Wars


Today in the New Republic, Marc Tracy makes a case for what he calls the "Daddy Wars" (though the phrase has previously been used by Time, the New York Times, the Telegraph, Salon, the Nation, and -- what's that? -- the New Republic, just last month). Tracy's argument:

Most men stress over the next step in their professions, with the attitude that if they happen to fall in love and settle down, well, that's great, too. But recently, in many cases inspired by the women in our lives and the conversation they are having among themselves, we have begun to question whether our most basic priorities aren't out of whack, and to wonder whether, for reasons both social and surprisingly biological, we shouldn't be as "ambitious" to have children as we are to land the next great job.

Tracy notes that Americans spend nearly twice as much on Mother's Day gifts as they do on Father's Day (which falls on this Sunday). And here we must point out that, even though there are plenty of treacly songs about fathers, none are as good as Everclear's angsty 1997 hit "Father of Mine," with Art Alexakis's repeated wail, "My daddy gave me a name/ And then he walked away!" A downer, yes, but still worth hearing whether or not you subscribe to Kindling Quarterly.

The Hottest TV GILFs of All Time

TV Dads are great and hot and all (we're looking at you, Jim Walsh), but what about hot TV grandpas? In honor of Father's Day this weekend, and to see just how much we can creep ourselves out, we've rounded up the hottest TV pappies of all time. (It turns out we can creep ourselves out a lot, so we'd just like to apologize to everyone right now.) From Roger Sterling to Grandpa Munster, these small-screen silver foxes release the fire in our loins.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.08.41 PM.pngJock Ewing, Dallas (played by Jim Davis)
If you like a rugged outdoorsman with a deep, dark tan, this is the man...for you. Who wouldn't want to get on Jock's jock?

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.03.26 PM.pngMaurice, Bewitched (Played by Maurice Evans)
He was way ahead on the martini trend and is every GILF-lover's dream dandy.

Frank-everybody-loves-raymond-7019688-480-600.jpgFrank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond (Played by Peter Boyle)
If you get your panties in a twist over Larry David, you'll love Frank Barone.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.07.27 PM.pngThe Grandfather, The Waltons (Played by Will Geer)
His fashion sense has inspired legions of Greenpoint bassists.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.04.12 PM.pngRoger Sterling, Mad Men (Played by John Slattery)
If you like men and don't want to have sex with this guy, you need to get your pulse checked.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.14.30 PM.pngJack Geller, Friends (Played by Elliott Gould)
If he was good enough for Barbra Streisand, he's good enough for us.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 3.10.22 PM.pngMarty Crane, Frasier (Played by John Mahoney)
He's a fan favorite for gay guys who dress like lesbians.

tumblr_lkoxcflab61qf83cro1_500.jpgGrandpa Munster, The Munsters (Played by Al Lewis)
If you're into East Coast vampires who dress in Rick Owens and vacation in the Catskills, drag your coffin on over to Grandpa Munster's house.

Screen shot 2013-06-13 at 5.45.12 PM.pngTywin Lannister, Game of Thrones (Played by Charles Dance)
Who wouldn't want to joust with ye olde Grandpa Tywin?

grandpa_smurf___free_vector_download_by_hurdurivan-d5yuhr0.jpgPapa Smurf, The Smurfs (Voiced by various actors)
The best accessorized cartoon grandpa on the block. We're also getting '70s flight attendant uniform vibes from him. Swoon!

The Apollo Theater Will Be Hosting An International Break Dancing Convention

This weekend, the Apollo Theater will be hosting the Breakin' Convention in honor of the international dance-theater festival's 10th anniversary. Breakin' is normally held in London, where it draws dance companies from across the globe who make a point of reinterpreting all manner of hip-hop styles. MC Lyte (!) will be the master of ceremonies in a weekend full of performances, DJ sets, hip-hop classes, graffiti-making, tributes to hip-hop greats, and more athleticism than any of us laymen could fathom. The full calendar of events and tickets can be found here. Make sure to practice those moves.

Celebrities! How Similar To Us They Are

Welcome to our new series "Celebrities! How Similar to Us They Are," a surrealist send-up of celebrity weekly's' "Stars Are Just Like Us!" features. Each installment is written by Eli Yudin and Carey O'Donnell (of the very hilarious twitter account @NotTildaSwinton and our Real Housewives of New Jersey recaps) and illustrations are by Isabel Alcantara. Join us below for an introduction to Ryan Reynolds' alchemy for children.

celeb_johngoodman.jpgJohn Goodman drains a mall fountain with his mouth.

celeb_ryanreynolds.jpgRyan Reynolds demonstrates alchemy for children.

celeb_leodicaprio.jpgLeonardo DiCaprio guest lectures a class on the detailed history of Leonardo DiCaprio.

celeb_wesleysnipes.jpgWesley Snipes uproots a tree. "You don't understand!" he screams.

celeb_sjp.jpgSarah Jessica Parker inquires about a book at Barnes & Noble using only the clanking of her bones to communicate.

Channing Tatum clutches a smaller version of himself he calls "Lil' Me" close to his breast at the club.

The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

snuggie_superlatives.jpgBest Use of a Snuggie: As a picnic blanket, with rolled-up sleeves as cupholders (see photo attached). -- Jonah Wolf

Best New Column We'll Be Reading Every Week:
Michael Musto's new Gawker column Next Question With Michael Musto. -- Max Kessler

363.jpgCraziest Inspiration for an Art Piece: Anime Porn, as featured in artist Jessica Lichtenstein's work, on view now at her exhibit, PEEP SHOW, at the Vered Gallery. -- Abby Schreiber

Best Headline of the Week: "Farting Cop Helps Bust Pot Farm." -- Elizabeth Thompson

Screen shot 2013-06-14 at 3.08.57 PM.pngWeirdest Photo Series We Came Across All Week: These horrifying portraits of people's faces wrapped in rubber bands. -- M.K.

Best Line from the Times' Unflattering Piece on Anthony Weiner's Congressional Record: "In 2005, [Weiner] became so irritated with a staff member that he threw a salad against the wall, then left the room as the dressing slowly dripped, leaving a stain." -- E.T.

Screen shot 2013-06-14 at 3.22.13 PM.pngBest Reaction to the Times' Mike D. Apartment Porn Piece: Gothamist's, who, in answer to critics' cries that the Beastie Boy was a yuppie sell out, reminded us that the Upper West Side-bred rapper "has been rich since day one." -- Abby Schreiber

Weirdest Omission in the Times' Mike D. Apartment Porn Piece: Mike D.'s age. As our colleague Alex Scordelis pointed out, the rapper refused to give his age (as did his wife, director Tamra Davis) but, like, can't you just find that out on Wikipedia? (He's 46, btw.) -- A.S.

Screen shot 2013-06-14 at 3.34.00 PM.pngBest/Most Accurate Description of Kanye's Recently-Leaked Yeezus Album: This one above. -- A.S.

Most Head-Scratching Descriptions of Kanye's Work and His Recently-Leaked Yeezus Album:
Kanye's own descriptions, which were alternately "black New Wave" or "punk meets Prada," as mentioned in a Times interview and in conversation with PAPER's Mr. Mickey and Luigi Tadini, respectively. -- A.S.

beverly_hills_cop_movie_poster_01.jpgBest Appreciation: Bill Simmons' 2011 Eddie Murphy encomium convinced me to watch three Murphy movies this week. -- J.W.