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We Need to Talk About Chet

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... Good morning bae 🙇🏼

A photo posted by 🌴LA / WORLD WIDE 🌍 (@chethanx) on


The world is full of mysteries. Why does evil exist? How did we evolve consciousness? How did Chester M. Hanks, better known by his rap name Chet Haze, emerge from the loins of Tom Hanks? Keeping up with Chet Haze's fascinating life as "an up and coming MC... Born and raised on the West Side of the Westside's main city LA," is exhausting, requiring perhaps more attention than can be devoted by any one human, no matter how little they sleep or how much energy they have devoted to uncovering the secrets of the Haze, from his terrible music videos to his feud with Howard Stern, an equally immature but far more successful man over twice his age.

One of the more perplexing areas of Haze Studies is the question of why, exactly, he thinks he is capable of wantonly using racial slurs on social media (especially as an extremely wealthy, privileged white man). Thankfully Gawker pulled this gem of a recent Instagram caption:

2 types of people in this world: those who know exactly what it is they want and are doing everything they can to get it; and those who just wander aimlessly through life because they are scared to death of failure. I've lost a lot of so called friends cuz they turned out to be the second kind. Fuck yall hating ass niggaz I'll never stop chasing my dream ☝

#OneLifeOneGodOneLove

Truly, it is remarkable that Chet Haze has been given the great gift of ignorance, that he may say the things we all cannot, the things we recognize are horrifically inappropriate and insensitive. Thank God for Chet Haze, the man unbound by the restrictions of needing a job or for anyone to like him or basic human sensitivity. Thank God for Chet Haze, the problem child to end all problem children, and the greatest motivator of Colin Hanks' career anyone could imagine. Maybe he's just acting out for attention from his dad and from us -- but giving it to him just feels too good.


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