In this weekly column, MC/DJ Hesta Prynn pairs pop culture stories with an original playlist. The Primetime Emmys and the MTV Video Awards announced their nominees this week. Sure, there were snubs, but at an awards show where there's a "Best Video with Social Message" category -- implying that all of the other videos have none -- can you really take this too seriously? In this week's Five 'n' Five I've added my own categories. The awards go to nominees paired from the Emmy's Best Drama category and MTV's Video of the Year. Someone call Neil Patrick Harris; it's going down.
1. Best Empire-Building: Breaking Bad/"Thrift Shop" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Wanz
"Walk up in the club like what up I got a big cock!"
Thrift Shop was the first song to reach #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts without the support of a major label since Lisa Loeb's "Stay" in 1994. Breaking Bad's Walter White is the Macklemore of the crystal meth biz -- he's "in the empire business" on his own terms and we love him for it.
2. Best Use of Gratuitous Nudity: Game of Thrones/"Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell
"I know you want it."
Here is a partial list of the actresses whose breasts you've seen if you've watched Thicke's vid and Season Three of GoT: Emily Ratajikowski, Jessi M'Bengue, Elle Evans, Emilia Clarke, Oona Chaplin, Natalie Dormer, Rose Leslie, Lena Headey, Roxanne McKee, Sibel Kekilli, Esmé Bianco, Carice van Houten, Amrita Acharia.
3. Best Crying: Homeland/"I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift
"No apologies, he'll never see you cry"
Clare Danes has built a career off of a quivering chin. Swift spends half of this video crying in an abandoned desert. Brody = John Mayer. 'Nuff said.
4. Best Overuse of Melodrama: Downton Abbey/"Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake
"The vacancy that sat in my heart is the space that now you hold! Show me how to fight for now!"
Perhaps you've found yourself leaving the city too close to 4pm on a Friday and it's taking you no less than four hours to drive to the Hamptons. Maybe this song comes on the radio, the driver cranks the volume as high as it will go and a entire carload of people sing every word to this epic oeuvre which, let's face it, really belongs on the the Broadway stage, not Z100. (Hypothetically speaking of course.)
5. Best Fashions in a Period Piece: Mad Men/"Locked Out of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
"Can I just stay here, spend the rest of my days here."
Obviously Don Draper, Joan Harris et al are killing it in the throwback department. Everything about this show reeks of '60s fabulousness. Similarly, everything about "Locked Out of Heaven" is retro -- sure it's kind of a Police rip-off but it's done really well and the VHS-inspired video is just glitchy enough to keep your attention.
Bonus!
Best at Being Nominated for a Primetime Emmy Whilst Not Actually Being a Primetime Television Show: House of Cards
I'm out of MTV nominees to pair this with but I think it's okay. Last I checked this wasn't an actual TV show, was it?