In this weekly column, MC/DJ Hesta Prynn pairs pop culture stories with an original playlist.
'Tis the season for some to gorge on candy and others to abstain from carbs. Yes, spring has sprung, and the big Judeo-Christian holidays are in full effect. There are so many baskets of chocolate to deliver and so many glasses of Manischewitz to drink, it can overwhelm. It got me thinking about how the holiday characters who shoulder these massive responsibilities might get psyched for the season. In this week's Five 'n' Five I pair some of our favorite religious (and not so religious) holiday characters with their pre-game theme songs.
1. The Easter Bunny - "I Want Candy," Bow Wow Wow
It's not a big deal, but on Easter a chocolate rabbit wearing a bow tie may bring you candy eggs. Apparently dressing like you're in Mumford & Sons and being made entirely of sugar is all it takes to be worshipped by children the world over. The Easter Bunny will crank Bow Wow Wow and hop aggressively in front of a mirror before heading out this weekend.
2. Elijah the Prophet - "Shots," LMFAO & Lil' Jon
Basically the Don Draper of Passover, Elijah shows up to dinner at his leisure, speaks to no one and drinks all of your booze. How he keeps it together going door to door to all of the Jews in the world is anyone's guess. Lil Jon scores his theme song, "If you ain't getting drunk get the fuck out the club. Three wise men, fuck all that shit, get me some SHOTS!" And you thought the drunkest Jew at your Seder was Aunt Fagie.
3. Santa Claus - "I'm Ill," Red Café feat Fabolous
The quarterback of the team, Santa deserves the greatest unsung Pre-Game anthem ever. Elves play the hypemen on a braggadocious track fit for Muhammad Ali. "Now it's showtime, time to Camcord/ I'm in the building, I'm the landlord."
4. The Tooth Fairy - "Enter Sandman," Metallica
She's kind of not sure how she really fell into this job and probably not that stoked to be receiving the fuzzy end of the lollipop. The Tooth Fairy is similar to the teller at TD Bank: people give her their shit and she hands them money. She gets pumped up to metal and maybe the thought of terrorizing some kids on the DL.
5. Holy Ghost - "Hold On," Holy Ghost
Definitely keeping it on the mysterious tip, the Holy Ghost makes no appearance yet remains ultimately exalted. This weekend he'll crank to this jam by Holy Ghost (obvs) while simultaneously completely cloaking it and totally shutting it down. "And hold tight; don't say no words. And don't talk; give me no word."