When Waka Flocka Flame announced via
Instagram that he was in the market for a blunt roller hundreds of hopefuls applied for the job by tweeting the hashtag #ICanRoll. While many tried, only one was victorious: Seth Rogen. Obviously, the
Pineapple Express actor can roll but we'd like to politely make some suggestions to Mr. Flame about who would be best for the position. Scope our top candidates for the job, below.
1. Lana Del ReyWe all know that Lana Del Rey "gets high on hydroponic weed" and nothing less. The self-proclaimed "gansta" supposedly spent some time with a motorcycle gang, so rolling with Waka Flocka's crew should be a breeze. But even though Del Rey's pointy nails are our manicure inspo, they're wildly impracticable for blunt rolling. Trust us, we would know. Besides, based on the sad songstress' lyrical history, she would just grow bored of rolling joints for the rapper and motorcycle off to the next man.
2. Susan SarandonSusan Sarandon is crazy and we love her. And if ever the two should meet, Waka Flocka would love her too. The Academy Award winning actress has
admitted to going to almost every award show stoned and she's even
rode a Segway at Burning Man. She even made a
Twitter account for her dog, which is clearly an indicator of her blunt-rolling abilities.
Photo via PatrickMcMullan.com
3. Maureen Dowd
The Times columnist has had a torrid history with weed edibles that has now been immortalized in the form of a giant billboard. Perhaps the billboard is a not-so-subtle sign that it's time for a career change. Instead of eating a ton of pot and complaining about it, we think that she should just stick to rolling.
4. Martha Stewart
Since Gweneth Paltrow and her Goop-army dethrowned the lifestyle queen, Martha Stewart could use a new gig. She's publicly shamed sloppy joint rollers and we're completely confident that she could crank out perfect joints on-demand. Besides, isn't it about time that Martha Stewart came out with a line of boutique rolling papers?
Photo via PatrickMcMullan.com
5. Stephen King In 1981, Stephen King
did an extremely involved interview with High Times that covered everything from conspiracy theories to weed legalization. In the interview the author said that he sometimes enjoys to smoke weed
while driving to the movie theaters so he can eat "all that good munchie food" when he arrives. It's an unlikely pairing, but we can totally see Stephen King and Waka Flocka bro-ing out and eating all of the things from the concession stand.
Photo via PatrickMcMullan.com 6. Snoop Dogg Obviously. The only downside is that Snoop would probably smoke all the weed before even thinking about rolling a joint for Waka Flocka.
7. Morgan Freeman
Everyone can admit that having Morgan Freeman -- AKA God -- as a personal blunt roller would be the best thing ever. Not only is he a long-time marijuana advocate but he has actually said that weed is his
energy source. And how awesome would it be to have Morgan Freeman narrating the blunt rolling process, documentary-style.
8. Barbra StreisandThe multi-talented songstress has
smoked weed with Seth Rogen so we're sure she can roll like a champ. And apparently when stoned her first thought is "steak flavored ice cream," which is obviously a great quality for Waka Flocka's blunt rolling candidate.
9. Broad City's Abbi and IlanaLike we always say, two blunt rollers are better than one! It's no secret that Ilana knows all the best weed hiding places (like her vagina, or "natures pocket") and Waka Flocka would be a wonderful addition to the
Broad City cast.
10. President Barack ObamaAfter his term is up, we think that the President deserves to just chill. Going from President of the United States to "President of Big Fat Blunts" isn't a bad career move, in our opinion.