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Amy Poehler On Fame


Here's our final (sob!) Amy Poehler video of the week, in which she talks about fame and old people never knowing who the F she is. See all of our awesome holiday videos with Amy here.

Top 10 Things People Need to Stop Putting On Their OkCupid Profiles In 2014

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 2.51.16 PM.pngWe asked Eli Yudin and Carey O'Donnell, authors of the very, very funny Twitter account @NotTildaSwinton to look back at 2013 and pick one cultural touchstone that needs an overhaul. Their choice? OkCupid. Below, the guys share their Top 10 Things That People Need to Stop Putting On Their OkCupid Profiles In 2014.

1. "I like music."

Don't want to get ahead of ourselves but we must be soulmates because it looks like we've both been known to dabble in music from time to time. Not to be a snob but I even own my own pair of "headphones." Often when I go into bars, I point up to the speakers and say to the bartender, knowingly, "Music?" Then I give him a nod to let him know I'm on board.

2. "Don't contact me if you're easily offended."

This tells us one of two things: that you think the jokes you stole from episodes of Family Guy are HILARIOUS -- or you're genuinely racist. And if we go to a restaurant, you're gonna be cracking jokes about our server every time they walk by. You also probably went to a Lil' Wayne concert once and stood at the bar the whole time but you still tell people about that "crazy night."

3. Putting "Sex" In "Things I Can't Live Without"

Well look who's on the naughty list this year! You had to walk around your block after adding this to your profile, just to work off the adrenaline. We all like sex. And we like it enough to join OkCupid. Nobody's on here looking for a platonic knitting partner. It's like when the site asks "what you're looking for," you don't put "casual sex" -- you lie and say "new friends" like everybody else. Unless you're a succubus, have a little tact.

4. Pictures Of You Standing On A Big Rock

Did you all take these together?

5. Being "Always Up For An Adventure" (Winky Face Optional)

When I think of an adventure, I think of Indiana Jones or something involving hacking brush with a machete. I feel that there aren't many people looking for the final member of the heist team they're putting together to break into the Met. Just put what you mean, which is, "Sometimes I go to parties in a different borough" or "Sometimes I go to parties where I only know, like, 5 people." Otherwise, you'd be better off chatting up dusty strangers at a dive bar in Cairo.

6. "Actually"

One of the most important things you can include in your About Me is that you're "actually" something. "I am actually pretty laid back," "I'm actually pretty open to new things," "I am actually not sure what to expect on here," "I am actually literally," "I am actually literally writing this from inside a hollowed-out tree," "I am actually literally a ghost."

7. "Will Write More Later"

You're not sure what to write about yourself so instead of leaving it blank, you pre-emptively inform everyone not to worry because you "will write more later." Yes, you've temporarily satiated the frenzied hunger of potential suitors, fiending to see written proof that you are, in fact, chill. 

8. "My eyes?"

What's the first thing people notice about you? Where do you even start? "Who even knows?" you yell to yourself in your apartment, shrugging. You put your computer down and stand up, do a short tap dance in your bedroom. You sit down again, still unsure. "My eyes!" you think. "Yes! My eyes!" You've always had your eyes. You run to the mirror to make sure they're still there. They are still there. You can't just SAY it outright that you have eyes, though. Who would believe you? You settle for typing it in question form. Great! Yes. A question will make it more relatable. "My...eyes?" you say out loud, mimicking the upspeak of a 13-year-old girl. M-Y-(space) E-Y-E-S-? You type. Save changes.

9. "Getting People to Open Up"

I'm Really Good At: Getting people to open up. You also may be really good at throwing a glass of water in someone's face from across the table at a group dinner, then convincing that person and everyone around you that it was that person's fault and that they spilled on themselves. "It happens to everyone!" you'll say. Everyone laughs.

10. "I Really Enjoy Interacting with People"

Too bad I'm an old wagon half-submerged in a frozen brook.

10 Indie Press Books and D.I.Y Zines For Your Favorite Lit Lover

Support your local press! Reading is cool again (if it ever was uncool??) and young Brooklynites have taken it upon themselves to start up small presses out of their apartments to bring you everything from joke books by rappers to cosmic life lessons. Here's 10 books to consider when shopping for the lit lover in your life.

3rd-ed-mock7 (1).jpg
1. Joke Book by Victor "Kool A.D." Vasquez
The former Das Racist rapper has whipped up a collection of hilarious tweet-like aphorisms in Joke Book, a chap book published by the Brooklyn-based press Sorry House. Amid jokes like "Whenever you go to McDonald's, whether you know it or not, part of you is saying 'fuck it,'" can be found in the social commentary that his defunct rap trio was known for. Buy Joke Book HERE

2. Mall Witch by Ben Fama
Ben Fama's poetry, laid thick with pop-culture and fashion references (The Rodarte sample sale was shit / Now I'm just laying here on my sofa), gets compiled into its first full-length collection, Mall Witch. Released on Fama's own indie-press, WONDER ("artists' books, ephemera, pamphlets, and glossies"), the poems combine references from our hyper-digital age with the cadence and style of old-school New York School poets before him. Buy Mall Witch HERE.

Even Though I Don't Miss You
3. Even Though I Don't Miss You by Chelsea Martin
We've all gone through bad break-ups and Chelsea Martin's Even Though I Don't Miss You, published by Short Flight/Long Drive Press, is the perfect pocket-sized book to keep close and get you through them -- or to share with a friend when you no longer need it. Buy HERE

Sad Girls Issue 3
4. Sad Girls Issue 3 by Various
Sad Girls zine, which features "work by girls who make things and have a lot of feelings," is perfect for the friend that's always canceling your plans to watch Ghost World with her cat. Their third issue is beautifully designed and boasts pages of wonderfully twee watercolor drawings. Buy Sad Girls zine from their Etsy page, HERE

Advice Planner
5. 2014 Unsolicited Advice Planner by Adam Kurtz
Every January 1st brings high hopes of actually sticking with your goals for the new year for longer than a few weeks. Helpfully, Adam Kurtz, the prince of everything D.I.Y, has made a planner that will help you stick to those resolutions for longer than three days. Amid your penciled-in reminders to go to the gym or finally sign up for those French classes, you'll find Kurtz's fun drawings, jokes, poems, and motivational tips to help get you through another year. Buy HERE

yumi cover
6. Your Illustrated Guide to Becoming One With The Universe by Yumi Sakugawa
Yumi Sakugawa, the illustrator behind the charming viral comic, I Think I Am In Friend Love With You, has come out with a 9-lesson illustrated guide whose tips include everything from how to have tea and cake with your demons to how to remember to breathe in and out. Buy HERE

7. Hill William by Scott McClanahan
Indie publishing house Tyrant Books killed it in 2013, producing notable -- and, in the case of Marie Calloway's What Purpose Did I Serve In Your Life, controversial -- titles that are must-reads for any literary-minded early adopters. Hill William, a new novel by Scott McClanahan, is no exception. It places you in the middle of middle of Nowhere, West Virginia and, possibly for the first time, gives you a reason to stay and enjoy it. Buy HERE

Baby Babe Ana Carrete
8. Baby Babe by Ana Carrete
Author Ana Carrete's debut poetry collection -- published by Civil Coping Mechanisms -- is preoccupied with Macaulay Culkin, pizza, and Britney Spears. But beyond the hilarious pop culture references are Carrete's careful observations of innocence, youth, and femininity with lines like "i'm all the disney witches / i bake apple pies and poison / everything i bake / i steal your voice and hide it / in a seashell / do you like pizza / i'll hide it in a seashell too." Buy Baby Baby HERE

9. I Will Never Be Beautiful Enough To Make Us Beautiful Together by Mira Gonzalez
In another title from Sorry House, Mira Gonzalaz offers up a reminiscence of her bad days and worse nights in L.A., ultimately creating a work that beautifully combines self-deprecation, hookup humor and a quiet sense of sadness.

10. Rontel by Sam Pink
Rontel, a story of a man and his cat aimlessly drifting through Chicago, is straight-up hilarious. So much so that Tao Lin, reigning "enfant terrible" of the young New York literary scene and author of Taipei, felt inspired to leave this Amazon review of the Lazy Fascist title: "I earnestly thought 'this is the funniest book I have ever read' or 'Rontel is the funniest book I have ever read' probably ~200x while and after reading Rontel. I said '~300x' somewhere else but ~200x seems more accurate." Buy Rontel HERE

Kathleen Hanna, Ronnie Spector, Killer Mike + More Tell Us About Their Favorite Holiday Songs

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 4.06.39 PM.pngIt's that time of year when your parents' house and entire radio stations are given over to a still-growing catalog of holiday-season standards: some are superb (Darlene Love's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"), some are terrible (Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock") and some are just fucking awesome (Run-D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis."). We asked our favorite musicians of the moment for their favorite holiday classics.

The Julie Ruin's Kathleen Hanna:
My favorite Christmas song is "Away in a Manger." It's pretty depressing with lyrics like "no crib for a bed" and talk of a baby having to sleep in the hay, but it's the first song I ever learned the lyrics to. Whenever my parents went in the backyard or left me alone for even like five minutes, I would jump into our bay window and sing it at top volume. I was six and I really gave that song my soul. Later "Silent Night" became my jam and I left the manger behind.

Lewis Watson: My most loved is "Driving Home for Christmas" by Chris Rea. It reminds me of that Christmas smell and open fires with the family. It also has the lyric "top to toe in tailbacks"and I have no idea what that means.

The Dap Kings' Sharon Jones: "Silent Night" is classic and hauntingly beautiful, and it was the first song I ever sang in front of an audience. I was eight, dressed as an angel in front of my church congregation. I remember singing and not feeling nervous or scared. Afterward, people came up to me telling me that I had a gift. That was a big moment for me.

Escort's Dan Balis: I'd have to go with Bob Geldof and Midge Ure's schmaltz spectacle, "Do They Know It's Christmas" for Band Aid. It features a parade of coked-out pop superstars raising money to fight Ethiopian famine, who earnestly deliver lines like, "There won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime."

Killer Mike: My song "A Christmas Grind." Reason: It talks about robbery and drug dealing -- that's how people pay for gifts where I'm from.

White Lung's Mish Way: My favorite holiday song is "What Christmas Means to Me," the second track off the Hanson Christmas album. My two sisters and I used to listen to that album and laugh. It started as a joke but now it's this dumb tradition. We get drunk on gin, blast Hanson and watch shitty Christmas movies. That song is a little joke between the three of us, and it makes me happy because my sisters are my two favorite people in the world.

Ronnie Spector: My favorite Christmas song (of mine) is the Ronette's "Sleigh Ride," because it has the horse neighing in the beginning. They had a real horse come into the studio. The horse made his final 'EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH,' they recorded it, then he took a big dump and everyone cracked up and scattered. But they were excited because they got him on tape!

The Julie Ruin's Kenny Mellman:
Low's "If You Were Born Today." I remember clearly the first time I heard the opening lyric, "if you were born today, we'd have killed you by age eight." It is a rare thing for an opening lyric to be so perfect. It is a Christmas song that doesn't require you to wait for Christmas to listen to it.  We often covered it in my old act Kiki and Herb, and it never seemed an inappropriate time of year to sing it.  Heck, it was even more fun in July! I am waiting for the day it becomes a classic and the Muzak version (does Muzak still exist?) starts playing in malls across America the day after Thanksgiving. 

Crystal Stilts' JB Townsend: "Father Christmas" by The Kinks. I heard this in the car one night when I was a kid and was enchanted by it. It stuck with me but I hadn't heard it in ages until I bought the single a few years ago. It's a pretty rockin' punk song. The lyrics are about Santa getting jumped by some kids who want money and are sick of toys. It was recorded in '77, so that kind of makes sense. I often play it when I DJ in the summertime. It's really amazing. Never fails.

Marnie Stern: "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)," because it's actually a good song and very poignant. I also like "The Dreidel Song because I had to sing it all the time growing up, and also because there are no other famous Jewish Hanukkah songs that I can think of.

SZA: I was raised Muslim, so I never really had an extreme "Christmas song" experience with the exception of loving my mom's awesome Christmas rituals. She has this tradition of making apple cider from scratch every winter sand she usually starts up the fire place and plays random sleigh bell sounds and cliche Christmas mall jams, particularly "This Christmas" (the Luther Vandross edition). Then she cracks whole cinnamon sticks in boiling cider and the whole house smells like apple pie. That, along with the epic toastiness from the fire place, and I'm usually in heaven.

The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 3.26.22 PM.png
Most Unexpected Christmas Card of the Week: Warren Buffet's, in which he dressed up as Walter White and wished his friends and family a "Meth-y Little Christmas." -- Abby Schreiber

tumblr_mxqvs2P4191szjl1wo1_400.gifBest Beyonce's Back, Assfaces! GIF of the Week: This one. [Via Craniumbeats] -- Elizabeth Thompson
 Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 5.06.49 PM.pngBest Fashion Ad Campaign Choice: Erykah Badu for Givenchy. Her style is unmatched. -- Maggie Dolan

Most O-M-G Holy Shit TV Trailer of the Week: Community's! The show is baaaack, along with the dearly missed Dan Harmon and, from the looks of the extended trailer, it's. gonna. be. AWESOME. -- Gabby Bess 

Best Fashion Mini-Documentary of the Week: Style Like U's documentary on the entrancing Michele Lamy, designer, muse and wife of Rick Owens and Lamy's daughter, Scarlett. -- A.S.

Best Music Mini-Documentary of the Week: Pink Martini's documentary on the making of their recent album, Get Happy. -- A.S.

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 5.52.53 PM.pngScreen Shot 2013-12-13 at 5.53.51 PM.pngBest Transformation:
Jaimie Warren's performance at Bushwick Gone Basel last Sunday night, during which the artist transformed from Little Richard to G.G. Alin. --E.T.

Most Goosebump-Enducing Moment of the Week: The Soweto Gospel Choir flash mob tribute to Nelson Mandela. Dressed as grocery store employees, the choir surprised shoppers at a Woolworths in Pretoria, South Africa with a beautiful rendition of "Asimbonanga," a Mandela tribute song. -- M.D.

Screen Shot 2013-12-11 at 5.39.51 PM.pngMost Wonderfully Inappropriate Hot Dude Round-Ups: It's a tie between this hot Vatican priests calendar and Hot and Busted, a Tumblr that compiles cute dudes' mugshots. -- A.S.

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 5.17.50 PM.pngMost James Franco Being James Franco Moment of the Week: This essay. Making use of his fine arts education at NYU, James Franco has decided to illumine us to the fact that, although it may be hard to believe, Kanye West was not the first artist to be a complete and total narcissist. -- G.B.

Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 5.32.12 PM.pngJames Franco Reminding Us That He Is Still Sometimes Hot Moment of the Week:
His trailer with the deeply hilarious Gary Shteyngart for Shteyngart's new memoir, Little Failure. They play husbands. The trailer also stars Rashida Jones, Alex Karpovsky, David Ebershoff and Jonathan Frazen -- E.T.

1385581374_tom-cruise-laura-prepon-467.jpgMost Twisted Tabloid Couple of the Week: Tom Cruise and Laura Prepon!!! They are both Scientologists and were spotted having dinner together, so obviously they're dating. JK, it's almost definitely fake but if it does turn out to be true...WHOA. -- M.D.

SNL's Guy Fieri Christmas Special Is a Deep-Fried House of Horrors


SNL's Guy Fieri Chrismas special sketch is a hilarious and perfect deep-fried, 7-layer hellscape starring Bret Michaels, Kid Rock and Vern Troyer. Please, Food Network, we beg you to never make this a reality.

SNL also knocked it out of the park with this rap spoof of some of H&M's more random sale items and store features, including neon-colored too-small jeans and clothes on the floor.

tumblr_mxo14knn8L1r1oip7o1_500.jpg Jesus is ready to take things to the next level, you guys!! [FYouNoFMe]

Here's an awesome montage of a guy crashing other people's phone conversations at the airport. [Reddit]

We are all this newscaster who can't wait to go home. [Reddit]
 tumblr_mxrdlxeuI91ruw1vso1_1280.jpg Infographic of the year. [Digg]

10 Tech Gifts to Give YOURSELF

This year, intervene before your mom/grandma/aunt buys you a Barnes & Noble NOOK for the holidays and *gently* recommend that they give you cash money instead. That way, you can buy the gadgets you want -- not necessarily the ones you need. Below, we recommend ten of this year's coolest tech gifts you should treat yo' self to.

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 4.25.36 PM.png1. iPad Air
It's light, it's shiny and there's a 40% chance you'll crack the screen after one too many on NYE.
From $499

alexander-wang-for-beats-by-dr-dre-limited-edition-collection.jpg2. Alexander Wang x Beats by Dre
We've been told the only music you can listen to on these sleek things is Yeezus and Disclosure. That's it.

9000B007AA_1_l.jpg3. Canon PowerShot N
With its built-in Wi-Fi and fun creative filters, you'll never have to upload a lousy smartphone selfie again.

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 4.30.16 PM.png4. Rose Gold Nike Fuel Band
Very fitness. Much rose gold.

Screen Shot 2013-12-06 at 11.39.16 AM.png5. Samsung Galaxy Note and Galaxy Gear watch
For less than 300 clams, you can fulfill your Inspector Gadget fantasies.
$299.00 for each.

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 4.37.23 PM.png6. Cube 3D Printer
An at-home printer that lets you make a million toys, doodads and figurines that you probably don't need and that are probably choking hazards for dogs/babies. But, hey, it's dope!

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 4.46.49 PM.png7. Sonos Play Speakers
Be an adult. Stop playing music at parties via YouTube.
From $199

xbox_consle_sensr_controllr_f_transbg_rgb_2013.png8. X-Box One
Don't get this for your boyfriend because you'll never see him again.
From $499.99

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 4.55.11 PM.png9. Retro Duo Portable NES/SNES Game System
See above.

Screen Shot 2013-12-05 at 5.21.12 PM.png10. Projecteo
This tiny gadget lets you project your Instagram photos on a screen or wall á la a slide projector. It was invented so parents in Williamsburg and Silverlake can eventually embarrass their kids in front of their dates.

Listen to Angel Haze's New Track "A Tribe Called Red"

Screen Shot 2013-12-16 at 12.39.11 PM.pngAfter what seems like a bajillion years, we finally have new deets on Angel Haze's debut release. The highly-anticipated album, titled Dirty Gold, will come out on March 3rd via Island Records but in the meantime, Haze has shared a new cut of her track "A Tribe Called Red," an earlier version of which leaked back in July. The song, which takes its name from the Canadian production trio who created the track with Haze (and who we first discovered through our cool Toronto-based friends, Sidewalk Hustle, when they were featured in No Sleep Til...) is a whirlwind -- Haze's signature spitfire rhythm overlays a mix of glitchy electronica, chanting and peripatetic trap-style drumbeats.

But though the rapid tempo and hard beats make this a song you could expect to hear out at a party, "A Tribe Called Red" also features some of the same reflective, confessional moments found on songs like "Cleaning Out My Closet." The beginning of the track finds the rapper discussing her decision not to bring up issues of race or ethnicity in her music ("I don't identify with that shit. My identity is the music") while Native American-style chanting can be heard in the background. The instrumental choice is both compelling and contradictory -- the rapper and her producing partners all share Native American roots -- and continues to reinforce the idea that the only person who's allowed to define Haze is herself. It's a great track and worth a listen to below.

The 10 Best and Worst Films of 2013

Paper's resident film freak, Dennis Dermody, breaks down his best and worst films of 2013.

The 10 Best

bignside-llewyn-davis-oscar-isaac-justin-timberlake.jpg1) Inside Llewyn Davis. The Cohen brothers' funky, funny, touching recreation at the folk scene in Greenwich Village in the 1961 through the eyes of a sadsack, bearded, couch-surfing, singer (velvet-voiced Oscar Isaac).

2) Laurence Anyways. Xavier Dolan's messy masterpiece about a transsexual (Melvil Poupaud) and the woman in his life (Suzanne Clement) was edgy, transcendent and sublime.

Youre-Next-Masks-e1363694243952-640x336.jpg3) You're Next! It took long enough to get director Adam Wingard's wonderfully subversive home invasion chiller out in theaters (two years) but it was so worth it. A new horror classic.

4) Blue Jasmine. Yes, it's Ruth Madoff's A Streetcar Named Desire, but Woody Allen's film was also heartbreakingly good with an astonishing performance by Cate Blanchett.

5) Stoker. This English-language film debut for South Korean director Park Chan-wook (Old Boy) is a dark, twisted, modern fairy tale starring Nicole Kidman and Mia Wasikowska as a dysfunctional mother/daughter dealing with the arrival of their mysterious Uncle Charlie (Matthew Goode). Wonderfully creepy.    

6) Paradise Faith. No one on earth makes movies as deadpan and perverse as Ulrich Seidl, and this one about a religious loon married to an Islamic man in a wheelchair left me slack-jawed.

7) Sightseers. Another truly original and bizarre film by director Ben Wheatley (Kill List) about a nerdy couple traveling in a RV through England, cheerily murdering people along the way.

Screen Shot 2013-12-16 at 12.38.42 PM.png8) Frances Ha. Noah Baumbach's funny, affectionate, black and white, portrait of loveable oddball Frances, played by the movie's writer Greta Gerwig, who is supernaturally good.

9) Spring Breakers. Harmony Korine's wildly stylized and hallucinatory vision of girls in string bikinis and blazing machine guns on spring break with a hilarious cornrowed James Franco as a drug-dealing low-life. Harmony Korine's film was fabulously appalling.

20-Feet-From-Stardom_1.jpg10) 20 Feet From Stardom. Director Morgan Neville's enthralling documentary about the glorious back-up singers of pop and rock, including the divine Darlene Love, Merry Clayton, Lisa Fischer and many other unheralded vocal powerhouses.

The 10 Worst

Screen Shot 2013-12-16 at 12.36.29 PM.png1) 12 Years A Slave. This movie is well-acted, well-made, and virtually critic-proof. It's also torture to sit through. Slavery was horrendous. You think?  

2) Oz: The Great And Powerful. I say this with a heavy heart because I really love Sam Raimi, but this was a joyless affair. The L. Frank Baum books are so wonderful, too, and now no one will ever adapt the rest.

3) A Good Day To Die Hard. How the hell could they fuck up a perfectly enjoyable action franchise? Nothing more than running, explosions, driving, explosions and a few wisecracks. A lazy, stupid, excuse of a film.

4) Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. Come now, it's the equivalent of Rapunzel: Ghostbuster or Cinderella: Kung Fu Dentist.

oblivion-tom-cruise-042113.jpg6) Oblivion. That's what I prayed for watching this lame Tom Cruise futuristic sci-fi bore.

7) Mama. This actually should have worked -- a good cast, kind of a cool idea -- but, oh, brother.

8) Man Of Steel. Granted, Henry Cavill is super to look at but bring on the kryptonite.

9) R.I.P.D. Rest in peace indeed.

25077427.jpg10) After Earth. I had to see this because of my dislike for Will Smith and his talent-free son. Watching a whole audience flee to slip into another theater was liberating.

Michael Zegen Is a Real Girls' Guy

zegenbig.jpgAt this point in his career, actor Michael Zegen is an HBO vet. Zegen, an alum of gangster drama Boardwalk Empire and the erstwhile How to Make It in America, returns to the network yet again this January as a new cast member on the third season of Girls. "Yeah," he deadpans over the phone, "I'm an HBO slut."

News of Zegen's casting circulated online in June, after Christopher Abbott -- who played Charlie, costar Allison Williams' wet-blanket-turned successful entrepreneur boyfriend -- left the show allegedly citing creative differences with Girls creator, Lena Dunham. Though Zegen could only reveal his character's name (Joe), hearing himself referred to as "the new Charlie," makes him cringe. "I was reading some stuff people were saying online that was along those lines," Zegen says, "and that's just not the case. That'd be silly."

Before Zegen makes his Girls debut, he'll wrap up his role in the off-Broadway play Bad Jews, about two hot-headed cousins warring over a family relic. The role has required a lot of yelling, a lot of cough drops, and, in what might bring even the most seasoned actor to his knees, having to perform in front of a bunch of teenagers. "One matinee, we had 100 high schoolers from Brooklyn in the audience," Zegen says. "I think that was the most scared I've ever been."

Which makes sense -- Zegen got his start as "Dwight the Troubled Teen" on the Late Show with David Letterman ("my catchphrase was, 'I hate you, I hate all of you!'"), appearing on almost 50 episodes in the early aughts.

While his Girls character is picked apart in episode recaps and immortalized in GIF reaction shots over the next couple of months, Zegen's planning on taking it easy and letting his voice recover post-Bad Jews. "Or maybe I'll sign on to another HBO show," he laughs. "Something to add to the collection." ★

Michael wears a shirt by Lucio Castro, pants by WRK, shoes by Ben Sherman and hat by Kaminski XY. Styled by Avi Vichner. Grooming  by Anna Bernabe at Exclusive Artists using Aveda. Shot at Atlas Social Club.

★ Bad Jews is at the Laura Pels Theatre through December 29th. Season 3 of Girls premieres Sunday, January 12th at 10 p.m. on HBO.

Watch the Full-Length Video for Beyoncé's "Drunk In Love" ft. Jay Z


After surprising us all by releasing a secret album and 17 music videos this past Thursday night, Beyoncé's posted the full-length version of her video "Drunk in Love" on Vevo and YouTube. Featuring a cameo by her husband, the Hype Williams-directed black-and-white clip shows the couple enjoying each other's vibes on the beach amidst shots of Bey gyrating in a bikini. In an interview with iTunes Radio, the pop star said the Miami-based video shoot was spontaneous and, actually, we believe it. There are some super cute and even silly moments throughout the clip like some stank face from Beyoncé at the 4:37 mark and a split second that looks like Jay's smelling his wife's hair aroudnd 4:35. Soak up the Carters' looove, above.

Scenes From SHADE: Detropia Redux

A little SUV dancing, anyone? Alexander Wang (center) gets down with friends

Despite the nasty weather in New York this weekend, hundreds of party kids (and one very famous designer) showed up to a Bushwick warehouse for SHADE: Detropia Redux. After Detropia 1.0 got prematurely -- and unexpectedly -- shut down last month, the party's promoters Seva Granik and Ladyfag wanted to make it up to their friends and guests by giving it another go. This go-round, the crowd danced on top of SUVs and partied in Cadillacs 'til 6 a.m. while DJs like Mess Kid, Fatherhood, and Jason Kendig kept the tunes going. Take a look at photos by PAPER's Rebecca Smeyne above and below.

shadedetropiaredux03.jpgDon't mind me

shadedetropiaredux16.jpgLadyfag and friends

Who needs OkCupid when you have SHADE?

Richard Hell and Unlocking the Truth Chat about Punk, Bullies and Metal

Last spring, the Internet was set ablaze with news of a heavy metal trio of sixth graders from Flatbush, Brooklyn called Unlocking the Truth. They were loud. They were fearless. They were 12. Unlocking the Truth's music and what they represent more broadly -- a group of kids making music that perhaps their peers and adults might not always see as "normal" -- aligns with the spirit of metal and punk music at its purest. And, in that sense, who better for the band to interview, and be interviewed by, than the "founding father of punk," Richard Hell? Here, Unlocking the truth and Hell, who are both featured in Dazed x AllSaints current New Music Cities series, talk about bullies, metal and finding inspiration in the Mickey Mouse Club.

uTT.jpgRichard Hell interviews Unlocking the Truth

RH: Your website says about you, "Heavy metal is in their blood. That is why they do it so well." How did heavy metal get into your blood? Does it ever hurt? It seems to have made you into super-heroes, but sometimes that brings its own problems.

Jarad: Heavy metal is in our blood because this is what we like to do. Heavy metal is the music that lifts us up when we are down. Heavy metal is the music to get all our emotions out. This music is everything to me. Japanese animated TV shows and wrestling are the reasons why this music is in our blood. The music in the background inspired us to play metal.

RH: Do you see yourselves as having a unique purpose and message in your compositions -- music and lyrics -- or are you more interested in simply being consistent with the existing style and feeling of your favorite heavy metal bands? If your purposes and messages are unique and different from other heavy metal, how would you describe those intentions and messages of yours?

Jarad: I do see us having a unique purpose. Our music has this good message for all people that feel like they are being bullied, or people who want to be free. I think that our music is for everybody. 

The message I want to convey in my music is to be free, do what you want to do, and get back up if you get pushed down. If you're following others, then you're not being yourself and it's okay to be different.

RH: Do girls like heavy metal?

Some of the girls we hang out with at Malcolm's school like our music and the other bands we listen to.

Yes, girls do like heavy metal.

RH: What would you be most-interested in doing in the way of occupations, jobs, if you weren't in a band?

Jarad: I would be a studio engineer. I just like touching buttons.

If I wasn't in a band, I would want to be a pro skateboarder, guitar technician, or a producer.

RH: What does it mean when you make a fist but stick up your pinkie and your index finger?

Jarad: I really don't know. I hope it's not bad or anything.

Malcolm: Putting up the devil horns basically is respect to heavy metal and all it has done for me and a lot of other people. Metal gets me through each and every day and I'm not just saying that because everyone else does. I'm saying it because it is true.

Unlocking the Truth interviews Richard Hell

UTT: Were you ever teased or bullied because of the type of music you listened to?

RH: In the mid-'70s, when the way I looked -- torn and wrinkled clothes that were also sometimes written and drawn on, patchy and ragged haircut, etc. -- was new and unusual, I was occasionally insulted by strangers and sometimes had a hard time getting a cab to stop for me. Sometimes I was refused service at restaurants. But I was already in my twenties by this time and I could handle it fine. When I was a kid, I didn't have any particular traits that drew bullies, but there are some people who will bully anyone they think they can scare, and I definitely encountered a few of those types of bullies and they did scare me.

UTT: Did people question the way you live your life because of punk?

RH: Well, I was pretty lucky because right away, when I was first beginning in music, a set of other bands and people arose who had a lot of the same values, musically and otherwise, as me. This happened at CBGB. So we could support and encourage each other and feel a little insulated from the squares who'd give us a hard time.

UTT: Who were your biggest influences when you were a kid?

RH: Well, when I was your age, I was more straight and conventional than you are. I lived in a pretty bland place where there wasn't a lot of stimulation or exposure to new ideas. I was probably as influenced by TV shows as anything else. Those included Howdy Doody, Father Knows Best, The Mickey Mouse Club, The Rifleman, The Lone Ranger and Route 66.

UTT: How was life growing up for you during the punk era?

RH: That's a pretty broad question, but let's see... Well, for one thing, I was already on my own. When you say "growing up" you probably mean being your age. But there was no punk music as we know it when I was your age. I was in my early twenties when we created modern punk music. I'd still call it a process of "growing up" at that late date though, or even a decision not to grow up. Who wants to be like grown ups? When I was a teenager and already on my own in New York, I was learning how to live the way I wanted, and it was always most definitely outside of normal "society." I didn't care about having the respect of normal society. I wanted to make art and have fun and say and do what I wanted. So I was always struggling -- I was hungry a lot -- but that was better than subordinating yourself in order to have a job and a career, with bosses.

UTT: How has the music changed from then until now?

RH: Probably the biggest change is how electronics have affected it, both in the way music is created (sampling and other computer-assisted ways of making music) and for its distribution (the Internet and the way it's both made getting your music to a public easier, or at least something you can do yourself, while at the same time has made it so easy for people to take musicians' work without paying for it). As far as styles of music, the biggest change has got to be the advent and huge success of hip-hop and everything about how it's done and what it says and means.
UTT: How did you come up with the name of your band, Richard Hell and the Voidoids?

RH: It's a made-up word. My friend and I were ragging on each other, by calling each the other this-oid and that-oid and he called me a voidoid. I jumped on it. First I used it for the title of a short novel I wrote, and then a couple of years later as the name of my band.

"All I Want For Christmas Is Cash"


Someone made a parody of Mariah Carey's ear worm-y Christmas classic "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and -- we won't mince words -- nothing better articulates our hopes/dreams/wishes this holiday season. Give "All I Want For Christmas Is Cash" a listen, won't you?  [via College Humor]

tumblr_mxvc3xv9RV1qll1kio2_500.jpgWe are very drawn to this picture for some reason. [via Tall Whitney]

tumblr_lzr276wu0y1qfw7rho1_400.gifOh hey, hot chocolate. Whatchu doing later tonight? [via Coin Farts]

tumblr_mxws2n9Xj31qlvkjpo1_1280.pngFa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-VODKA. [via Laughter Key]

ICYMI: Here's an excellent compilation of misheard lyrics for 2013's biggest pop songs. [via Pleated Jeans]

tumblr_lx6yw3KWa91qmaa05o1_500.pngAdding this to our Christmas list... [via Rats Off]

Megadeth stopped by Jimmy Kimmel in some festive holiday sweaters last night to serenade us all with some beautiful Christmas songs. They have a very moving rendition of "Let It Snow" featuring Jenny Lewis. [via Jimmy Kimmel]

Tuesday is brought to you by this Vine of a kangaroo showing off some sweet, sweet air guitar moves to Journey. [via The Clearly Dope]

Watch Kristen Wiig and Tobey Maguire Almost/Kind of/Almost Make Out in This New Spoils of Babylon Clip


IFC released a new clip today of their new miniseries parody The Spoils of Babylon, which follows the trials, tribulations and sexy intrigue of an oil tycoon patriarch (Tim Robbins) and the forbidden secret love affair between his daughter (Kristen Wiig) and adopted son (Tobey Maguire). The soft-focused, feathered-hair series will debut on January 9th, which, along with the return of Girls and new episodes of the increasingly stupid but irresistible the Walking Dead, will make for a nice little TV winter schedule. The series, which is sure to feature lots off the charts smell-the-fart acting, also stars Jessica Alba, Will Ferrell, Val Kilmer, Haley Joel Osment (!), Michael Sheen and the voice of Carey Mulligan.


10 Gifts For the Party Monster In Your Life

Ms. Fitz, artist, nightlife extraordinaire and former PAPER Beautiful Person, knows a thing or two what the kids of the club want, need. If you're on the hunt for the perfect party monster present, you can't go wrong with any of her 10 suggestions below.

Car Service Vouchers
When your ass is out, your hair is set and you've squeezed yourself into 6 inch heels, the walk to the subway and back is a special kind of nightmare that should be avoided at all costs. Your fabulous friend deserves vouchers. 80% off Uber via Living Social.

41b7zZXeM6L.jpgFalse Eyelashes in Bulk
Sure, you could be really lovely and buy them a fancy pair of Shu Uemura lashes, but let's be honest, we'll wear them once and lose them anyway. Go for the bulk pack. It's the gift that keeps on giving -- at least ten times anyway. Eeyelash is my fave website.

plus-header-1.jpgA Case that Charges Your Cellphone
The bitch at the door is giving you grief even though YOU ARE ON THE LIST, DAMMIT. You've got the text to prove it, but your phone is about to die! Oh no! But have no fear -- with one of these fancy phone cases that also charges your phone, you're in luck.

The Beyoncé Album
Pffft. Duh. But you should check if they already have it, because they probably do. $15.99 via iTunes.

ctttc_black.jpgBlackout curtains
Not just for junkies, serial killers and World of Warcraft addicts! Blackout curtains successfully allow you to avoid the sunlight, which can really get in the way of one's social calendar. $27.26 via Amazon

CHROMAT_AW12_736_copy.jpgA Bra Top
This Chromat bralette is a great staple if you don't mind showing a bit of flesh.

A Mini Mace Canister
Getting home at 4 a.m. wearing a thong and see-through burka is not a safe option, so a girl should always carry mace. Actually, I think it's illegal to carry mace in NYC? But whatever, it's better to be prepared. I picked this cute pink mini mace at my favorite hunting store, Cabela's. (Yes, I have a favorite hunting store, what gives?) Decorate it with rhinestones for a little extra flourish!

Coz they're gonna need it. Look for deals on sites like Lifebooker.

slide_2.jpgMolly Water
This stupid shit is a real thing that actually exists. I just thought you should know.
They were selling it for $12 a bottle at Art Basel Miami. We should all go kill ourselves now.

website.jpgA Peggy Noland Puff Paint Look
Show off your branding with Peggy Noland's handmade puff paint dresses. Sexxy and kewl.

13 Gifts to Give Your Favorite Makeup Junkie

Marc Jacobs Lightshow Luminizing Powder. $48 at marcjacobs.com

amy_second1.gifStila Art of the Fine Line Stay All Day® Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner Set. $39 at amazon.com

eyeshadow1.gifMAKE Post-Impression Eyeshadow Palette. $40 at weseebeauty.com

bigbox_final.gifBenefit limited-edition Holiday Sets. $19-$48 at benefitcosmetics.com

spray1.gifRouge New York Clearing Owyhee Mist. $32 at the makeup application boutique Rouge New York, 130 Thompson St., New York.

naked1.gifUrban Decay Naked Illuminated Shimmering Powder for Face and Body. $29 at urbandecay.com

riri.gifMAC RiRi Hearts MAC Holiday lipsticks in RiRi Woo & Bad Girl RiRi.  $16.50 each at maccosmetics.com

Alexa Chung for Eyeko No. 1 limited-edition Eye do Mascara & Liquid Eyeliner Set. $45 at eyeko.com

bumble1.gifBumble and bumble Bb. limited-edition Spray Chalk. $19 each at amazon.com

nails1.gifBurberry Nail polish in Poppy Black No.299 and Oxblood No. 303.  $21 each at burberry,com

Sephora Collection Make An Entrance Clutch Brush Set. $59 at sephora.com

Givenchy Noir Couture 4-in-1 Mascara. $32 at givenchybeauty.com

PAPERlovesyou.gifMAKE Silk Satin Lipstick in Velvet Noise. $25 at weseebeauty.com

PAPER Multimedia LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Milla Jovovich's Paper Covers, a Retrospective

After being spotted at 11-years-old by Richard Avedon, who featured her in Revlon's "Most Unforgettable Women in the World" ad campaign, Milla Jovovich has pretty much done it all -- model, actress, singer/songwriter, fashion designer -- and done it all with her own admirable, mish-mash brand of bad-ass bohemianism. PAPER fell in love with the Ukrainian talent early on, featuring her on our cover three times. Join us on a walk down Milla memory lane below.

07_Summer94.jpgSummer 1994
After rising to semi-fame from modeling and acting roles in films like Night Train to Kathmandu, Return to Blue Lagoon and Dazed and Confused, Milla released her debut album The Divine Comedy, which featured the cult folk hit 'Gentleman Who Fell' (see the Lisa Bonet-directed video below) in 1994. She was 18-years-old. In our cover story she talked to Mr. Mickey about an emotional encounter she had with an NYC hot dog vendor from Kiev, her hometown, and how a love for reading propels her songwriting.

Milla on her rising fame: "I just wanna ride this thing so hard until somebody forces me to stop and even then, somehow, I'll slide out of their fingers. I'll never put myself in the position of doing something that doesn't make me happy."

milla2.jpgMay 1997
After focusing on her music, Milla returned to film with a breakout role in the critically-acclaimed and box office hit The Fifth Element while continuing to model for fashion's biggest names. In Mr. Mickey's cover story we found out that Milla's admirers included famous faces like Winona Ryder, who told Gwyneth Paltrow at a Maverick Records party that she loved Milla, Mr. Mickey heard, and Kristen McMenamy, who told Milla after a Sonia Rykiel show, "Ya know, I wasn't sure about you until that W story--that one where you look like a boy? But now I think you're alright...I'm convinced."

Milla on acting: "I'm not the best actress yet. I need to work with people who know what they are doing. You just need to know what you want, and I'll give it to you...I'm still an artist. I'm never gonna do a shit movie, because I've got my modelling to support me."

03_March2001.jpgMarch 2001
In the early naughties Milla hit her stride. She had lucrative contracts with L'O'real and Donna Karan, who described Milla in Mr. Mickey's cover story as a woman who "knows what's sexy to a man, and it's not necessarily being this perfect person. She's not a woman who spends her time in front of a mirror. To me, Milla is an alive woman. She has a seduction about her." In 2002 Resident Evil was released, the first of a five film series in which she starred. By 2004 she topped Forbes' "Richest Supermodels of the World List."

Milla reflecting on her fame: "I didn't want to be involved in fashion. I wanted to experiment with my music and live a bohemian lifestyle. I was very underground. I didn't want to be fabulous Milla on the cover of Seventeen. I felt that wasn't me, but I couldn't keep up with the lifestyle I was leading without making money....I am not fabulous. I have a lot of things I have to think about, a lot of problems. Everything's not fabulous all the time."

Tears For Fears Cover Animal Collective's "My Girls"


Amaaaaaazzzzzzzing psychedelic video for a new track from iconic '80s band, Tears For Fears. It's a cover of Animal Collective's song "My Girls," off their 2009 album Merriweather Post, Pavilion, and this super-trippy clip was created by L.A. artist Lionel Williams to go with it. Tears For Fears swear they're working on a new album to released in 2014 and, though this one is pretty cool, it won't be all cover tunes.

"She Is Dreadfully Unremarkable:" 5 Observations on Last Night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

We've asked Carey O'Donnell, co-author of the very, very funny Twitter account @NotTildaSwinton, to share their 5 thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams with us after watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills every week. Join us for a recap, won't you?

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 4.50.33 PM.png1. Why is this show focusing so much on Brandi? Aside from the obvious "loose-cannon" character she's playing up when the cameras roll, she is dreadfully unremarkable. Her love affair with vino is quickly becoming unbearable to watch and (presumably) be around. She yells at Joyce some more at the dinner table where we left off from last week, quickly turning her half-opened eyes to Kyle, where she calls her an "asshole", among other things. Her allies (Yo-Yo, Baroness Vandy-poo, and Grand High Witch Carlton) never seem to say "Go to bed, this is out of hand," but rather lovingly shush her. They firmly stick to this belief that Brandi is not a drunken sociopath, but just honest. She's just honest! You know? H-O-N-E-S-T!

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 5.14.51 PM.pngThe women hoist her around the grounds of the resort house after dinner, half-heartedly yelling, "Staaaaaap" as she downs a bottle of white wine, all while smiling. It must make them happy to see her clank and stumble around. "Do that dance again," they yell, throwing pennies and bread crust at her. Brandi even starts in with Lisa at one point, as she stares off down the long driveway of the house, telling Vandy-poo that she's always "strategizing", and manipulative (which, is actually very true). At dinner, there were these amazing, quick shots of Kim looking at Brandi from across the table with wide, terrified eyes. 'Oh, hell,' Kim thought, relieved it's not herself this time. Brandi could only dream of coming off like Kim did when wasted on camera. Sry, bb!

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 5.03.10 PM.png2. My favorite part of the episode was after the dinner table scuffle, when Kyle runs off to go cry in the bathroom. Team Brandi had begun unfairly bringing up the Mauricio cheating rumors to show how Kyle's defensiveness against Brandi's drunken verbal assault was pointless. "You've got bigger fish to fry," Yo-Yo the Lemon Empress said with her typical, squinty-eyed blankness. After finding her in the bathroom later, Yolanda ends up comforting Kyle, wrapping her amazonian frame around Paris Hilton's aunt as she sobs. "There, there," Yolanda says, "Oh, Kaaaal! Kaaaal" she coos, muffled in Kyle's shoulder. But the GREATEST is how she begins to very quietly say, mid-embrace, "Oh, Kaaal, I know. You have so many problems, Kaaal. Much bigger than mine. It must be so hard, Kaaal!" Ahhhhh hahahaha!!! BOLD, Yo-Yo! She's able to pull off vicious insults, IN AN EMBRACE, while sounding like she's on the farm in Holland, comforting an injured faun.

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 5.08.39 PM.png3. The next day, the ladies head up a nearby mountain to drink infused water at a picnic table and pretend-make amends with each other. "We all piled onto this flying contraption that took us up the mountain!" Kyle narrates in her confessional interview. Flying contraption. It's a fucking gondola, Kyle. It's a big ski lift with walls and a roof. "Flying contraption" reminds me of when I catered at a prohibition-themed party a few weeks ago, and they had hired actors to walk around in "Gatsby" attire. I walked past two of them who were standing by the buffet line, next to a tray with beet salad on it. They had apparently decided to "stay in character" even when talking amongst themselves, because I heard the actress point to the beet salad and say, "Ooh! Look at that red cake!"

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 5.11.14 PM.png4. Carlton and Kim bonded over some squirrels they saw when they were at the concession stand at the top of the mountain. "I love em! I love em! I love em!" Kim says, clapping her hands in her confessional. At the picnic table, Yolanda has warmly invited Sisters Richards and Hoyce to come to a dinner party at her husband's house. "We always end up around the piano in our house," Yolanda adds. Kim then sees the squirrels, and is like, "Paaaaaaayce," and all but leaps away from the table. I don't blame Kim for chasing the squirrels. I would probably leap off the mountain if I heard someone say, "We always end up around the piano in our house." Carlton comes and sits with Kim, who is sort of muttering to herself, her eyes fixated on the small rodents. "I love animals," Carlton says, "I wish we could keep some." Then Kim says, "I have a purse..." and is actually serious. 'I can give you all the squirrels you'd ever want,' Carlton thinks. Kim hears this, or thinks she does, and cocks her head back, flaring her nostrils like she smells something strange. 'Come with me, Kim, and I'll let you sleep forever,' Carlton thinks. Kim looks above, directly into the sun, trying to find where these words are coming from. 'Goddamn squirrels,' Kim thinks.

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 5.13.50 PM.png

5. It's very sad that Brandi's dog, Chica, went missing after her house was broken into. But I think the line "We can't find Chica," that Brandi's sobbing assistant says on the phone needs to be sewn into every American flag from this day forward.

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