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The World's Largest Drag King Contest Is Coming to San Francisco

flyer_front_1i.jpgMove over, drag queens! On August 17th, the 18th Annual SF Drag King Contest -- the largest in the world -- is coming to Space 550 Barnveld in San Francisco. These women are packing in more ways than one (sorry/not sorry) and we can't wait to see what they've got. Contestants will be doing everything from lip-synching to mud wrestling to "other talents" (?!?) and are judged on their "talent, creativity, studliness, sex appeal, originality, humor, make-up/facial hair and fashion" -- which, coincidentally, is exactly how we judge the men in our lives. Proceeds from the contest will go to P.A.W.S., an organization which connects pets with low-income San Franciscans who are in need of some animal snuggling and support. So buy tickets here and be prepared to butch it up. 

Lauren Flax Remixes JD Samson & MEN's "All the Way Thru"


CREEP's Lauren Flax remixed JD Samson & MEN's new single "All the Way Thru" and it's quite the jam. Of course, JD Samson and her MEN are no strangers to making music that simultaneously makes you want to shake your ass and maybe throw a plate against the wall and the original, Yuksek-co-produced song is pretty damn dancey in its own right. In her version -- premiering here on PAPERMAG -- Flax does away with the clanging steel drums, instead using piano and synth to build the tension and make you wish it were Friday night instead of Tuesday afternoon. A full EP of "All the Way Thru" remixes will out August 20th and JD&M's new album, Labor, will be out October 22nd.

7 Nirvana Sidemen That Might Have Been


Thanks to a recent Mojo cover story, we now know that Nirvana considered other candidates for second guitarist before settling on Pat Smear, who joined the band for the last six months or so of its existence. (Fun fact: they also thought of asking the Melvins' Buzz Osbourne, who had actually pointed Grohl toward Nirvana when drummer Chad Channing left the band in 1990.) Smear added some much-needed levity to the mix, as you can see in this SNL taping; still, we can't help but wonder how the band's final chapter might have read with a different sideman. So as In Utero approaches its 20th anniversary, let's put ourselves in Kurt, Krist, and Dave's tattered Chucks and weigh a few other possibilities.


1. Young Jeezy

CV: Atlanta-based rapper, former "Mr. 1.75"

PROS: Fragments of his songs "Soul Survivor" and "Over Here" are featured in the Girl Talk song "Smash Your Head," much of which is anchored to Nirvana's "Scentless Apprentice." It works.

CONS: The former crack dealer might not have been the best bus-mate for Cobain.

eddie_van_halen.jpg2. Eddie Van Halen

CV: Greatest guitarist of all time

PROS: Cobain's solos tended toward the chaotic, and they seldom involved power drills. Just imagine the next-level insanity of a classic EVH solo over "Milk It."

CONS: Might have disqualified himself on Dec. 30, 1993, when he drunkenly approached Cobain backstage, asking to jam. According to Everett True's Nirvana: the Biography, Van Halen gestured toward Smear and said, "Let me use the Mexican's guitar." It got worse from there.


3. Ringo Starr

CV: Actor (see: Son of Dracula, Caveman), occasional drummer

PROS: I'm sure Grohl never imagined the McCartney-fronted "Sir-vana" incarnation of his band that would one day make appearances at the 12-12-12 benefit and on SNL. But it happened, for better or worse. So why not strap a cigar box guitar on Ringo and try out "Starr-vana?"

CONS: Starr might suggest a rockin' rendition of "Act Naturally." 


4. Billy Preston

CV: Legendary keyboardist; title role in the immortal Frampton/Bee Gees vehicle, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

PROS: Already joined the Beatles and the Stones; could add spine-tingling Fender Rhodes parts to "Dumb," "About a Girl," etc.

CONS: Bit of a diva. As recounted in his book, Life, Keith Richards once pulled a knife on him for playing too loud at a Stones show. "If you don't turn that fucking thing down right now, you're going to feel it."


5. Ben Carr

CV: Guy who does nothing but dance and sing backing vocals in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones

PROS: Things had gotten dark for Nirvana by then; a full-time skanker might have done them some good. And lord knows they liked plaid.

CONS: Aside from the inherent terribleness of this idea, 1993 would have been a bad time to leave a ska band; the Great Ska Hangover was a good five years away.


6. Rick Gonzales

CV: Guy who played Pat Smear in the Germs biopic, What We Do is Secret

PROS: If the movie Rockstar taught us anything, its that the people beneath the blinding sheen of celebrity are often interchangeable. That's why Journey came so close to hiring a Steve Perry impersonator to replace Steve Perry, and that's why this talented young actor could easily play the part of "Cobain foil #3."

CONS: Checkered professional past includes small parts in the tragic Christopher Guest misstep For Your Consideration and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.


7. Jason Everman

CV: Former member of Nirvana and Soundgarden; war hero

PROS: Well, he already knows some of the songs. If you haven't read the incredible New York Times article, Everman was kicked out of Nirvana (and Soundgarden!) at the dawn of the nineties and ended up enlisting in the Army -- about a month before Cobain took his own life -- and becoming a member of the Special Forces just after 9/11.

CONS: No one quite understands how Everman managed to get kicked out of two bands on the brink of megastardom, but the Times article suggests that band life just didn't work for him -- and that military life does. Makes you wonder what might have happened if Cobain had found some other affirming outlet amid the crushing pressures of his last days.

Jorma Taccone Is Very, Very Upset in Haim's Video for "The Wire"


If you've ever been curious about how Lonely Island member/Girls weirdo Jorma Taccone would take a breakup, Haim has the answer for you. Their new video for "The Wire" finds all three Haim sisters breaking up with their respective partners: one's too scrawny, one's too drunk, and Jorma's just plain old clingy. As we watch the three men grieve in their own ways it becomes very clear that Este, Danielle and Alana did the right thing, even if they, uh, "fumbled." HAIM's new album, Days Are Gone, will be out September 30th.

This Weekend, Watch People Live in a 325-Square Foot Apartment

microapt1.jpgStarting Friday, you can head over to the Museum of the City of New York to experience a weird mix of housing schadenfreude and apartment envy. As part of their current Making Room: New Models for Housing New Yorkers exhibit, they'll have five different participants live in a 325-square feet "micro-apartment" for 24 hours while museums guests can interact with the inhabitants both in real life and through social media. The five micro-unit dwellers will consist of two roommates in single beds, a romantic couple and a single person. On the one hand, obviously the cramped quarters will make you appreciate your own (slightly) more spacious set-up but...look at how nicely -- and creatively -- furnished the pad is! It looks as if someone did a Supermarket Sweep at Ikea and was able to make the space so cute and multi-functional that Tokyo apartment bloggers would be jealous. The quasi-performance piece is part of a larger exhibit that focuses on creative design solutions meant to address New York's chronic housing issues (of the space, price and availability varieties).

The micro-unit residences will take turns living in the space from August 16-August 18 and we hear there will also be guest demonstrations showing how to cook, decorate and organize shoebox units. Just think -- it'll be like the Real World without all the sex, post-club hot tub sessions or fights over peanut butter! (Or maybe there will be fights over peanut butter...who knows.)

microapt2.jpg Photos by the Museum of the City of New York

Here's a Taste of What Woody Allen Would Be Like As a Pimp


John Turturro's latest movie, Fading Gigolo, might be more aptly titled "Middle Aged Man Falls Into Prostitution by Chance." Turturro, who directed and wrote the movie, also stars as a nebbishy florist/library loiterer whose friend, played by an even-more-nebbishy Woody Allen, becomes his pimp by happenstance. Turturro's clients include Sofia Vergara, Sharon Stone and Vanessa Paradis, and they seem to all find him irresistibly charming. Does the world need another movie or TV show centered around a bunch of self-assured and stunning women inexplicably falling for a schlubby guy? Probably not, but that doesn't change our terror/delight/fascination with the idea of Woody Allen, pimp extraordinaire. Watch above.

This Boy's Mind-Boggling Bar Mitzvah Burlesque Routine Is Excellent


This video of a Dallas boy's insane, over-the-top burlesque routine at his bar mitzvah is the greatest. He's just really, really happy and a great dancer. Go Sam! [DailyDot]

ICYMI: Breaking Bad re-edited to look like a trailer for a Bromantic Comedy = amazing. [Jezebel]

TEVT.gifTa-da! [Mlkshk]

Delightful pick-me-up of the day: This video compilation of dogs who really, really love water. [TastefullyOffensive

W52nnxE.jpgWhoever does the White House's Twitter feed is a Mean Girls fan/ genius. [ONTD]

This video of a sloth making adorable squawking noises while it exercises it too, too much. [TastefullyOffensive]

tumblr_mr6pwlAJX01sey9two1_1280.jpg Because why shouldn't your phone have touchably soft salon-quality hair? [FuckYeahDementia]

I don't even know what to say about this. It's everything I've ever wanted and more. I can't stop watching it. It is perfect. [FYeahDementia]

Jaimie Warren Did a Pee-wee Herman-Inspired Photoshoot

Screen Shot 2013-08-14 at 11.13.12 AM.pngBullett mag had the brilliant idea of bringing together two of our favorite people -- Jaimie Warren and Pee-wee Herman -- together for a little art project. Peewee instructed Warren to "take a photo of yourself on a bicycle trip and show me the picnic you have when you get there." The result is classic Warren, cheekily recreating Manet's Le déjeuner sur l'herbe and dressing up herself and her crew as Dolly Parton, Pee-wee, Grace Jones, Oprah Winfrey, Joan Rivers, and Little Richard. Check out a few photos below and head over to Bullett to see all of them.

Screen Shot 2013-08-14 at 11.13.25 AM.pngScreen Shot 2013-08-14 at 11.13.08 AM.png

The First Trailer for David Sedaris' C.O.G. Is Here


The new trailer for C.O.G., based off David Sedaris' Naked short story by the same name about his post-college job selling clocks carved of stone in the shape of Oregon, opens with a shot of a bug-eyed man with a neck tattoo asking the Sedaris character, Samuel (played by Jonathan Groff), if he's "opened his heart up to Jesus." Samuel replies, "I think that religion is meant for people who aren't smart enough to understand how the world really works." And so begins the first of many similar encounters that Sedaris' Yale-educated protagonist encounters in rural Oregon after he moves there in a pseudo-rebellious "going off the grid," early 20s moment. The trailer shows him working in an apple orchard and factory, meeting a hunky (and possibly DTF) guy played by the corrupt, tortured Congressman from House of Cards and causing lots of eye-rolling with his East Coast pretension. If it were up to us, we'd make a movie of all the Naked essays, if only to bring the image of a little boy rocking back-and-forth in his room to the 5th Dimension's "Up, Up, and Away" and licking the light-switches at school to the big screen, but we'll take what we can get. It opens in theaters September 20th.

Michael Christmas Raps About Having the Most Uneventful Day Ever


Michael Christmas' new music video "Daily" might explore the mundane, but it's also oddly captivating. It follows the Boston-based rapper through an extremely average day as he slowly raps/talks through his various non-activities. At times the song and video veers towards the gloomy -- Christmas seems mildly depressed throughout, what with the slow pacing and the dark lighting and the general laziness. But ultimately it's nice to hear a song about a normal guy (with lyrics like "I heated a Hot Pocket and shit / but that shit burnt my mouth" and "I'm just trying to sit in front of my AC") instead of the usual pop star braggadocio. Watch above and embrace those lazy, lazy Sundays.

[via Death and Taxes]

This Tumblr Combines Peanuts with Smiths Lyrics, Is Awesome

tumblr_mr90o89Gjz1seji43o1_500.jpgEt voila, the Internet has given us something fun to obsess over for an afternoon on this otherwise extremely slow news day. Graphic designer Lauren LoPrete recently created the Tumblr This Charming Charlie, combining some of the best Morrissey and The Smiths lyrics with Peanuts comic strips. You wouldn't think that the two would go together, until you realize that Morrissey is just the grown up, grumpy, and extremely political version of Charlie. Check out some highlights below.

tumblr_mr8jqgiVGw1seji43o1_500.jpgtumblr_mr90845fyf1seji43o1_400.jpgtumblr_mra2xqSPTS1seji43o1_r1_500-1.jpgtumblr_mrab9i8twb1seji43o1_500.jpgtumblr_mre87xEFVn1seji43o1_500.jpgtumblr_mre460SMyn1seji43o1_500-1.jpgtumblr_mrebe2BcAS1seji43o1_r2_500.jpgtumblr_mrecnn3P5n1seji43o1_1280-1.jpgtumblr_mrj2qo6Pr21seji43o1_1280.jpgtumblr_mrl1kzGmM11seji43o1_500.png[via It's Nice That]

AndrewAndrew Insta-Review Shakespeare In the Park's Love's Labour's Lost

The terribly talented twosome behind the incredibly irreverent Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, Alex Timber and Michael Friedman, are at it again. This time, they're putting a fresh spin on another dead white guy -- William Shakespeare. They've edited his original Love's Labour's Lost text and added pop-musical numbers, and set the whole thing in a modern-day boozy post-collegiate resort limbo (you can also check out an interview we did with the show's star, Daniel Breaker, HERE). Is this remix of the Bard as good as the original, or did they Labour too hard and Lose the Love?

Love's Labour's Lost is open now at Central Park's Delacorte Theater through August 18th.

Adam Driver Has Some Tea-Bagging Tips For Us

Here's a very strange Instagram video of Adam Driver giving tea-bagging tips. Hey, we'll take what we can get. Whenisthisshowcomingback?

gap-fall13-otrwr-a-2644557a.jpg Also, Adam Driver is a Gap model now. [Refinery29]

Why is this stupendous video of an 83-year-old woman getting DOWN at a concert in Seattle bracketed to start at the 1:30 mark? At 0:50 she dry-humps the ground/does push-ups for like 30 seconds straight! [TastefullyOffensive]

tumblr_mrgfq5LCFI1rs467vo1_400.gifOh Danny D! [TallWhitney]
This is a video of a woman doing sign language interpretation for Kendrick Lamar at Lollapalooza. She is a bad bitch and our perma-inspiration. [TheClearlyDope]
TGTH.jpg As long as you're profiting. [Mlkshk]
 timeteen.png Time travel is fugly and boring. [JuliaSegal]

1174918_10153142398205052_2036373061_n.jpgIt was inevitable: The Anthony Weiner hot dog food truck is now a thing in NYC. [h/t Peter Davis]

tumblr_mrkstgBAqf1s5lg4ho1_1280.jpgHey there. Join me? [FYeahDementia]
This video of a Puggle named Charlie baring his teeth at his owner is titled "Funny Puggle Teeth," but should maybe be titled "Charlie picturing your head on a tray with an apple in your mouth." [TastefullyOffensive]

kkoler.gifYou this weekend. [Pizzzatime]

Menswear Mania: All the Loot We're Loving Right Now

All the loot we're loving in menswear right now...

his1.jpgSnap back cap by Asos. $21 at asos.com, Chambray shirt by J. Crew. $98 at jcrew.com

his2.jpgSurfboards by fineline. $750-800 at Pilgrim Surf + Supply, 68 N. 3rd St., Brooklyn, New York.

his3.jpgTrunks by Saturdays. $70 at saturdaysnyc.com

"Summer equals lobster rolls, drinks by the pool, Sunday barbecues, fireworks and a good old pair of jeans -- all valuable American traditions I am happy to abide by." -- LT

his4.jpgSneakers by Saturdays.$80 at saturdaysnyc.com, Cut-off shorts by AG. $235 at agjeans.com

his5.jpgWayfarer sunglasses by Ray-Ban. $189.95 at sunglasshut.com

his6.jpgJeans by J Brand. $196 at jbrandjeans.com

his7.jpgBackpack by Timo Weiland. $199 at timoweiland.com

Donald Glover's New Short Film: Celebrity Heart-to-Hearts and a Shower Scene


Donald Glover -- aka Childish Gambino -- released a surreal half hour-long short film which he wrote and executive produced called Clapping for the Wrong Reasons. Clapping follows Glover through his day as he encounters a grab-bag of celebs like Trinidad James, Danielle Fishel (whom we will always know as Topanga from Boy Meets World), Chance the Rapper and Flying Lotus, all doing various strange things. Fishel tells Glover as all about her wedding anxiety dreams, Trinidad and Chance play Connect Four, someone barfs and Glover pulls a damn tooth from his own nose (which will definitely give you nightmares). That may sound a little slow -- minus the nose-tooth pulling, of course -- but the whole thing is mesmerizing. Watch above.

The A.C.O.D. Trailer: All Your Favorite Funny People Deal with Divorce


A.C.O.D., in case you didn't know, stands for Adult Child of Divorce. At least that's what it stands for in A.C.O.D., an upcoming dramedy starring everyone you love including Adam Scott, Amy Poehler, Richard Jenkins, Catherine O'Hara, Jane Lynch, Clark Duke, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and (bizarrely) Jessica Alba. Adam Scott plays the A.C.O.D. in question, and the film follows Scott's character as he come to terms with his A.C.O.D.-ness while trying to make his parents make peace with one another. On the one hand, the trailer makes the film look just a little tragic -- although that might be because of the extremely stupid "let's compare O.C.D. to dealing with divorce" voice-over. On the other hand, with a cast like this it's got to be a hoot, right?

Children of the Corn at Sueños

Children of the Corn.jpgIn a few weeks, the pool parties will start to dwindle and beer garden outings will require a sweater. But one of the saddest goodbyes to say this summer is to corn. These sweet, yellow-white Greenmarket kernels are in their prime right now, and should be eaten with the same gusto and urgency as those fleeting slices of watermelon. Or, if you're at Sueños -- Sue Torres' colorful Mexican retreat in Chelsea -- you can drink in that bright maize flavor in the Children of the Corn cocktail.

Served only for the remainder of August -- Torres likes her corn at its seasonal best -- it's a supple after-dinner libation, best sipped leisurely after a golden mole-spiked huarache and inspired by bartender Dimario Wallace's affinity for a memorable corn and almond confection.

First, Torres creates an aromatic corn milk by scraping a kernel-shorn cob and pureeing that ethereal corn dust in a blender with the raw kernels and a touch of almond milk. Then Wallace melds it with Tequila (Don Julio in particular because "it stands its ground in cocktails," he says), amaretto to heighten the almond notes, a froth-inducing egg white, and, because Wallace likes his corn "overly sweet and a little caramelized," rich Pennsylvania-made maple syrup. Subtly spicy clove and ground chile pequin help ease the transition into autumnal climes. The playful popcorn garnish, Wallace points out, is an ode to a customer who declared the drink "tasted like liquid Cracker Jack's."

1 1/2 oz. corn milk, comprised of a puree of raw corn kernels, scraped corn cob dust and almond milk
1 1/2 oz. Don Julio Reposado Tequila
1/2 oz. Disaronno amaretto
1/2 oz. Pennsylvania-made maple syrup
1 egg white
Pinch ground clove
Pinch ground chile pequin

Dry shake egg white. Add all other ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake well. Pour into glass. Garnish with popcorn.

Oldie But Goodie Friday: Madonna's "Express Yourself"


One thing about growing up with cable and teenage babysitters is that, despite my parents' requests, my sister and I spent summers watching a lot of television. Like hours and hours of television --  especially MTV. Mid '80s to mid '90s music videos imprinted on to parts of our kid brains that, now that I'm older, I realize were probably meant for retaining useful information like algebra equations or world geography. One of those videos was Madonna's David Fincher-directed, Metropolis-inspired and totally triumphant "Express Yourself" video, which sticks out to me as a moment when I realized that Madonna was sort of thrilling and dirty -- beforehand, she had just seemed like some cool older teenagerish person who might drive a Cabriolet and live in a condo. I remember being scandalized (but intrigued) that she showed her breasts to the hot factory worker -- and was disgusted that he wiped his grimy hands on her satin sheets -- but was otherwise oblivious to what was provocative about this video. I was also mystified by the (oddly punctuated) ending epigraph from Metropolis: "without the heart. There can be no understanding between the hand and the mind." (But even now when I read that as an adult, I'm still like, "Oh, OK, Madonna. Sure thing.") Anyway, I'm making "Express Yourself" our music video of the day because it ranks high as a contender for one of the greatest music videos of all time AND because it's Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone's 55th birthday, today! Happy birthday MLVC! I hope you allowed yourself to enjoy an extra wheat slime pod this morning as a special b-day treat. You deserve it.

Photographer Alma Haser Creates Stunning (and Eerie) Origami-Enhanced Portraits

AlmaHaser_LillyandAnastasia.jpgLilly and Anastasia by Alma Haser

On this otherwise sleepy summer Friday, check out these eye-catching portraits by London artist Alma Haser. In her photo series Cosmic Surgery, Haser spiffs up her photographs by taking multiple portrait shots, folding the photographs into elaborate, origami-like shapes and super-imposing them on top of the original shot and then re-photographing the whole thing. The result is a series of kaleidoscopic, mutant-like portraits that are made eerier when it involves two sitters, only one of whom has received the origami treatment. Check out more of Haser's work below and you can see additional photos over at It's Nice That and on Haser's website.

[via It's Nice That]

AlmaHaser_Felix.jpgFelix by Alma Haser

AlmaHaser_TillyandJohnny.jpgTilly and Johnny by Alma Haser

AlmaHaser_Cassie.jpgCassie by Alma Haser

Photos by Alma Haser

Celebrities! How Similar To Us They Are

Welcome to our new series "Celebrities! How Similar to Us They Are," a surrealist send-up of celebrity weekly's' "Stars Are Just Like Us!" features. Each installment is written (and illustrated) by Eli Yudin and Carey O'Donnell of the very hilarious twitter account @NotTildaSwinton and our Real Housewives of New Jersey recaps. Join us below to see Adam Sandler yells at children from a tree.

OwenWilson.pngOwen Wilson got a neck tattoo of Luke Wilson.

MilaKunis.pngMila Kunis stood in the display window of a mall Gap wearing a sheet with two eye holes.

Miley Cyrus milked a cow very suggestively.

Sandler 1.png
Adam Sandler heckled a children's soccer game from the top of a nearby tree he got stuck in.