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Articles on this Page
- 06/01/15--07:15: _We Need to Talk Abo...
- 06/01/15--06:53: _Ranking the Awkward...
- 06/01/15--08:00: _The Most Interestin...
- 06/01/15--09:05: _A Guide to Reportin...
- 06/01/15--09:15: _Talking to Heems Ab...
- 06/01/15--11:05: _Model Crush Monday:...
- 06/01/15--12:28: _"Wes Anderson's The...
- 06/01/15--15:33: _All of the Nominees...
- 06/02/15--03:00: _Alexander Wang Recr...
- 06/02/15--05:00: _"hello fuck heads":...
- 06/02/15--05:07: _Hazed and Confused:...
- 06/02/15--06:00: _Grace Jones, Lauryn...
- 06/02/15--07:00: _The Best and Worst ...
- 06/02/15--08:30: _The Bachelorette Ep...
- 06/02/15--09:30: _See Channing Tatum ...
- 06/02/15--04:30: _Some Fashion Sugges...
- 06/02/15--09:29: _Which TV Show Playe...
- 06/02/15--10:00: _Max's Kansas City a...
- 06/02/15--10:45: _Stream Junglepussy'...
- 06/02/15--10:51: _Let Arrested Develo...
- 06/01/15--07:15: We Need to Talk About Chet
- 06/01/15--06:53: Ranking the Awkward Couples of Game of Thrones
- 06/01/15--09:05: A Guide to Reporting on Tallywackers, the Just-Opened Male Hooters
- "Servers at Tallywackers Serve Stiff Ones"
- "Tallywackers Goes Down a Bit Too Smoothly"
- "Tallywackers' T-Bones Unimpressive"
- "Sucking Down Tallywackers' Steaks is an Unsatisfying Experience"
- "Tallywackers Stands Tall During Opening Weekend"
- "Tallywackers Comes at Just the Right Time"
- "Tallywackers May Have Blown its Load Early"
- "Tallywackers Opening Weekend Goes Limp"
- "Tallywackers Waiters Get Shafted"
- "Inside Tallywackers: the Staff Sounds Off" (if you get this one, you are gross)
- 06/01/15--11:05: Model Crush Monday: Timothee Bertoni
- 06/01/15--12:28: "Wes Anderson's The Shining" Is Horrifyingly Charming
- 06/01/15--15:33: All of the Nominees and Winners at the 2015 CFDA Awards
- 06/02/15--03:00: Alexander Wang Recreated the Famous American Express Gold Card Dress
- 06/02/15--05:07: Hazed and Confused: Chester M. Hanks Responds to his Critics, Poorly
- 06/02/15--07:00: The Best and Worst Celebrity Fashion at the CFDA Awards
- 06/02/15--08:30: The Bachelorette Episode 3: Going For Broke(back)
- 06/02/15--04:30: Some Fashion Suggestions For Serial Prom Attendee, Jaden Smith
- 06/02/15--10:00: Max's Kansas City and the Roxy Return to NYC
- 06/02/15--10:45: Stream Junglepussy's New Single, "You Don't Know"
The world is full of mysteries. Why does evil exist? How did we evolve consciousness? How did Chester M. Hanks, better known by his rap name Chet Haze, emerge from the loins of Tom Hanks? Keeping up with Chet Haze's fascinating life as "an up and coming MC... Born and raised on the West Side of the Westside's main city LA," is exhausting, requiring perhaps more attention than can be devoted by any one human, no matter how little they sleep or how much energy they have devoted to uncovering the secrets of the Haze, from his terrible music videos to his feud with Howard Stern, an equally immature but far more successful man over twice his age.
One of the more perplexing areas of Haze Studies is the question of why, exactly, he thinks he is capable of wantonly using racial slurs on social media (especially as an extremely wealthy, privileged white man). Thankfully Gawker pulled this gem of a recent Instagram caption:
Truly, it is remarkable that Chet Haze has been given the great gift of ignorance, that he may say the things we all cannot, the things we recognize are horrifically inappropriate and insensitive. Thank God for Chet Haze, the man unbound by the restrictions of needing a job or for anyone to like him or basic human sensitivity. Thank God for Chet Haze, the problem child to end all problem children, and the greatest motivator of Colin Hanks' career anyone could imagine. Maybe he's just acting out for attention from his dad and from us -- but giving it to him just feels too good.
2 types of people in this world: those who know exactly what it is they want and are doing everything they can to get it; and those who just wander aimlessly through life because they are scared to death of failure. I've lost a lot of so called friends cuz they turned out to be the second kind. Fuck yall hating ass niggaz I'll never stop chasing my dream ☝
This season of Game of Thrones, a TV show that frequently oscillates between awfully insensitive and pretty okay fun, has focused largely on restructuring the cast. Characters go to new continents! They form new alliances! Some of them have new road trip buddies you wouldn't have expected from season two! (Wow!) That means that all of the episodes from this season, and in particular last night's barn/North-burner, have featured some uncomfortably thrown-together couples. Let's rank these unlikely pairs by how much we hope they stay together.
1. Daenerys and Tyrion
Clearly, this is the strongest power couple in the land. After waiting for years and years for Dany to interact with literally anyone else in the main cast, one of the best characters on the show has fallen into her lap as an adviser. It's definitely time for Dany and Tyrion to... break the wheel, if you know what I mean.
2. Jon and Tormund
Reluctantly teaming up to take on a bigger threat (namely the White Walkers), the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch and the tentative leader of the wildlings are now an unlikely bromantic team. "We are fools together now," Tormund tells Jon as they attempt to forge an alliance. Coincidentally, Fools Together Now is the title of their rom-com.
3. Jorah and Greyscale
Forced together by circumstance, the twice-exiled Jorah and his trusty pal greyscale are ready to go out and infect an entire city with their love -- for Dany, and for each other. Will this goofy pair be able to make it work before one fully consumes the other? Only time will tell.
4. Cersei and the Truth
Here's where the unlikely couplings start to get a little uncomfortable. It seems increasingly clear that, in order to escape from the clutches of the religious zealots she installed in a position of power, Cersei is going to have to confess her sins, which will probably not end well. Admissions of guilt usually do clean the soul and prepare the cast for a third-act reunion, though... so maybe Jamie will come back from Dorne, finally.
5. The Hardhome Battle and The Viewers
Yikes. These two are really bad for each other. Remember how everyone was upset about the show's casual attitude toward rape for the last couple of weeks? Guess a big giant with a club or whatever and a creepy ruler of the White Walkers makes all of that okay? Yeah, it's cool, but does it make up for all the other problems with the show?
As everyone who's been on the Internet today knows, Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, made her formal debut on the cover of Vanity Fair in photos shot by Annie Leibovitz and a story written by Buzz Bissinger. While the issue won't hit newsstands until June 9th, subscribers to VF's digital edition were treated to a sneak peek at the article. Below, we round up some of the most illuminating quotes from the story and include a handful more of those gorgeous shots that have already been drawing comparisons to Jessica Lange (or, we might add about the picture with the lace corset and leather jacket, an older Angelina Jolie).
Caitlyn (né Bruce) on being transgender and deciding to transition from male to female:
"I wish I were kind of normal. It would be so much more simple...The uncomfortableness of being me never leaves all day long. I'm not [transitioning] to be interesting. I'm doing this to live."
"If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, 'You just blew your entire life...You never dealt with yourself,' and I don't want that to happen."
Caitlyn on undergoing a painful hair removal operation in the '80s without taking any medication:
"[P]ain is kind of, for me, part of the pain for being me...this is what you get for being who you are. Just take the pain."
Caitlyn's oldest son, Burt Jenner, on his father and their at-times difficult relationship:
"I have high hopes that Caitlyn is a better person than Bruce. I'm very much looking forward to that."
"I was very fortunate to have an awesome stepfather to fill the void [left by Bruce]...I learned how to open doors and shake hands and look people in the eye. Things that my dad never would have taught me."
Caitlyn on cross-dressing in the '70s:
"People say, Oh my God, what a body -- you look great. That wasn't what I was looking for. I could not really cross-dress. I tried to grow my hair out as much as I could without getting yelled at."
"Underneath my suit I have a bra and panty hose and this and that and thinking to myself, They know nothing about me."
Kris Jenner on what she did and did not know of Bruce's transgender identity:
"When I met Bruce, he told me that he had done hormones back in the early 80s. This was a conversation that took place in the early 90s. So, what he was telling me happened a decade earlier, and he never really explained it...There wasn't a gender issue. Nobody mentioned a gender issue. Somebody mentioned that [he] at one point in his life liked to dress up."
Caitlyn on her relationship with the four Jenner kids, Burt, Cassandra, Brandon and Brody:
"I have made a lot of mistakes raising the four Jenner kids. I had times not only dealing with my own issues but exes. [It was] very traumatic and there was a lot of turmoil in my life, and I wasn't as close to my kids as I should have been."
Caitlyn on her marriage with Kris:
"The first 15 years I felt she needed me more because I was the breadwinner...Then really around the show, when that hit and she was running this whole show and getting credit for it and she had her own money, she didn't need me as much from that standpoint. The relationship was different...I think in a lot of ways she became less tolerant of me. Then I'd get upset and the whole relationship kind of fizzled."
Kris on Bruce's transition and not fully revealing his gender dysphoria until post-divorce:
"It was like the most passive-aggressive thing I think I've ever experienced...Why would you want to be married and have kids if this is what you wanted since you were a little boy? Why would you not explain this all to me?"
Last month, we told you about Tallywackers, the Dallas-based male equivalent of Hooters (meaning it hires attractive men to bring in clientele with their dicks). This past weekend, Tallywackers successfully opened -- but the genius of the concept was not sufficiently rewarded in news stories with dick jokes for headlines. The local news was too shy, too timid, and simply unable to perform when it was time for them to report on the opening of this restaurant. So that this grand opportunity might not go wasted, here are some possible headlines for stories about the grand beginning of Tallywackers, helpfully sorted by angle (but not heft).
If You Got a Little Too Drunk
If Your Food Was Improperly Prepared
If It's a Good Business Opening
If It's a Bad Business Opening
If the Tallywackers Servers are Unhappy With Management
Your new album, Eat Pray Thug, deals a lot with duality -- the emotional, political and spiritual tug-of-war between both your Eastern and Western heritages.Well it's not just duality in the sense of like how immigrants experience it, but all humans experience duality. It's just about me speaking to how much of an everyday part of my life it is. But even if you're not an immigrant, dualities are, y'know, constant. It's just about noticing the different types of energy.
And I think that's also evident in your fashion sense. How important to you is it that you represent those two specific parts of your heritage in the way that you dress?Well it's more of a recent thing. I guess I grew up dressing either "hip-hop" or "hipster," but now I like to incorporate elements of Middle Eastern and Indian fashion with high fashion from the West and street fashion from the urban environments. So like even right now, I'm wearing a cowl neck t-shirt with a kurta pajama that I designed, but it's balanced with some black jeans and Puma Disc sneakers.
You recorded the new record in Mumbai. What style tips did you pick up while you were there?Um like nothing there -- the kids in Bombay all wanna dress fuckin' Western. When you go to weddings, you get to wear all the fresh, ornate Indian shit with like gold and fancy patterns and sherwani jackets. But on the day-to-day, if you're in India, you wear like jeans and a button-down just like anyone in America -- I mean, in terms of a lot of the middle and upper class in India. I personally just like to incorporate kurta pajamas, shawls, scarves, Pashtun hats, turbans -- but I take Hermès scarves and roll them into turbans.
Do you see any current trends emerging in the States where Middle Eastern or South Asian styles are becoming more evident?
Oh everyone is copying Indian and Middle Eastern shit now. I don't follow fashion like that, but Engineered Garments' spring 2015 line just copied India, Africa, Afghanistan and the Middle East in the way that I like to. Which means maybe it's cool or maybe I should've done it first.
Do you seen any other musicians copping to this kind of thing?I saw a photo of Meek Mill where he wore a turban once, and that was pretty cool.
Do you feel some kind of responsibility to kind of champion or put on for Eastern dress?It's not that different from dashikis being popular with conscious black rappers -- and for white people it's like, "Can I wear a dashiki?" You'd probably be like, "No." It's weird that I'm trying to put on this fashion, but I don't want for it to be appropriated at the same time. But I'm sensitive to the idea of appropriation, not only as a victim of it but as someone who is Indian and rapping. That's a black art form. But I think with the fashion shit, people don't even think of me like that because Das Racist got associated with thrift shop fashion and my style is a little bit more complicated than that.
You've recently been sharing some of your own visual art with the public and --And like clothing, I have the African-print suit from the art opening [Suri's Eat Pray Thug gallery show at Aicon Gallery], I had the blue floral print suit from the Village Voice cover custom-made, and I've been getting involved more in designing and having my own shit made.
Have you considered getting into the fashion business more seriously?
I made a line with a guy named Jason Calderon from Portland like three or four years ago, and his background is in sportswear, and mine is in Indian and Middle Eastern clothing. And four years later, that's exactly what's popping off, like long shapes, skorts, sweatpants. Now that I'm seeing how popular it is, I'm considering it again. I might make cowl neck t-shirts in a couple colorways. But you know me, I get like 18 ideas and I get like 14 things done.
What's the latest addition to your closet that you're most proud of?I mean I haven't really been buying clothes for like a year. When I had money I really liked double-block, double-breast chambray shirts. I like the Puma Disc sneakers they sent me. I work at a tech start-up, and I like their weird work-Patagonia-swag. I don't know, I like combining all types of shit. And then I always buy Indian shit when I can.
Do you have any personal style icons, both conventional and unconventional? I mean, every Indian man above the age of sixty-five -- or every Pakistani or Afghani man above the age of sixty-five -- is a style icon to me. Also, who was that one British Duke who was mad good at dressing? The Duke of Windsor maybe? Nah, it's not him. He sounds too fancy. But there was a British guy once, I liked the way he dressed. I love what Kanye West does in every facet of his work, like talking shit, making music, fashion.
What did you think of his Adidas collection?I didn't really think about it carefully. I like the idea of it, the effort, but I haven't really examined it. Like my thing is more mundane, everyday Middle Eastern and Indian clothing than like, high fashion and runway shit. Like I said, it's kind of like Engineered Garments. Like my aesthetic that I want to work on is more like... "Taliban Goth" is how I'd describe it.
Can you describe Taliban Goth a little more?I mean it's almost like fuckin' redundant, the idea of Taliban Goth. But basically it's like dressing like Indian and Middle Eastern people, but also I like a lot of black and a lot of urban clothing. Maybe it's not Taliban Goth. Essentially, I like streetwear, I like mundane Indian fashion, and then Western high fashion when it's not stealing things from Africa or fuckin' India. I try to combine those things.
Photography by Diggy Lloyd / Styling by Jessica Zamora-Turner / Hair & makeup by Elena Perdikomati for M.A.C Cosmetic
Welcome to our new column, Model Crush Monday, in which we highlight
some of the most smoldering dudes walking the runway today. Today, we're featuring Italian Wilhelmina model Timothee Bertoni who has some on-point floppy hair and a major fans of goats. Check out our MCM shoot with Timothee (who
you can find on instagram here) below and read on for his responses to our TMI questionnaire at the bottom.
Shirt by Marc Jacobs, jacket by Lacoste, pants by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Louis Leeman, sunglasses by Ray-Ban.
Shirt by DKNY, undershirt by David Hart, pants by Kenzo, shoes by Burberry Prosurm
Shirt by Christopher Lee Suave, bathing suit by Original Penguin, headband by Lacoste, sunglasses by Ray-Ban, watch by Swatch.
Grooming by Stefan Kehl
Does the Internet need another clever Wes Anderson parody? No. Did we find this flawless mashup between the Grand Budapest Hotel and the Shining to be totally entertaining? Duh. Bloodbaths never looked so charming.
International Award: Valentino creative directors Maria Grazia Chiuri and Pierpaolo Piccioli
Media Award: Instagram
Founders Award: Millard "Mickey" Drexler, CEO and chairman of the Board of J.Crew Group, Inc.
Geoffrey Beene Lifetime Achievement Award: Betsey Johnson
Swarovski Award for Accessory Design:
Eva Zuckerman for Eva Fehren
Rachel Mansur and Floriana Gavriel for Mansur Gavriel
Winner: Rachel Mansur and Floriana Gavriel for Mansur Gavriel
Swarovski Award for Womenswear:
Dao-Yi Chow and Maxwell Osborne for Public School
Winner: Rosie Assoulin
Swarovski Award for Menswear:
Shayne Oliver for Hood by Air
Alex Orley, Matthew Orley and Samantha Orley for Orley
Ariel and Shimon Ovadia for Ovadia & Sons
Winner: Shayne Oliver for Hood by Air
Accessory Designer of the Year:
Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez for Proenza Schouler
Ashley Olsen and Mary-Kate Olsen for The Row
Winner: Tabitha Simmons
Menswear Designer of the Year:
Dao-Yi Chow and Maxwell Osborne for Public School
David Neville and Marcus Wainwright for Rag & Bone
Winner: Tom Ford
Womenswear Designer of the Year:
Joseph Altuzarra for Altuzarra
Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough for Proenza Schouler
Ashley Olsen and Mary-Kate Olsen for The Row
Winner: Ashley Olsen and Mary-Kate Olsen for The Row
Twenty years after Australian costume designer Lizzy Gardiner showed up at the Oscars wearing a gown made out of 254 American Express Gold cards, Alexander Wang recreated the famous dress for the CFDA Awards last night. Wang's design was more subtle than that of Gardiner's -- he crafted a beautiful long-sleeve mini-dress featuring round, laser-cut Gold Card paillettes as seen on model Anna Ewers -- but no less money. Take a look at the full list of winners last night HERE.
Corbin, the teenage, Minnesota-based R&B crooner formerly known as Spooky Black who reminds us of a cross between Yung Lean and King Krule, surprise-released a new EP yesterday in collaboration with rapper/producer Bobby Raps. couch potato, streaming now on Bandcamp, is a seven-song soliloquy that, based on track names like "frozen tundra" and "welcome to the hell zone," is probably/definitely inspired by those grisly Minnesota winters.
With photos of the dudes looking like '90s hackers and a message to fans on their Bandcamp that reads "hello fuck heads / here is an ep we made / we might be gay," it's hard to take these dudes seriously -- that is, until you actually listen to the EP. It's a woozy, meditative work that, in addition to Krule, also calls to mind the lush compositions of James Blake.
Give the EP a listen and watch the grainy, night vision-style video for "welcome to the hell zone," below.
Yesterday, we told you about Chet Haze's newfound habit for using, racial slurs on Instagram. Now, Haze, son of Tom Hanks, aspiring worst rapper alive, and prince among douchey men strikes back, posting a defense of his actions to Instagram. (Thanks, as always, to the good people at Gawker for keeping their eye on Haze.) "Hip-hop isn't about race," Haze says in a video preceding an eloquent essay about why he is allowed to say the n word. (That somehow never mentions that he can basically say whatever he wants because he has a lot of money.)
If I say the word nigga I say it amongst people I love and who love me. If I say "fuck yall hatin ass niggaz" it's because that's really how I felt at the time. And I don't accept society getting to decide what ANYBODY can or can't say. That's something we call FREE SPEECH. Now I understand the older generation who grew up in the Jim Crowe era might have strong feelings against this. And that's understandable... But what I'm saying is this is 2015... And even tho we are still far from where we need to be and black people are still being literally KILLED by a RACIST and fucked up system... We have also reached a point where the word can no longer have a negative connotation if we so choose. And who is to say only black people can use it? The way I see it, it's a word that unifies the culture of HIP-HOP across ALL RACES, which is actually kind of a beautiful thing. It's a word that can be used out of camaraderie and love, not just exclusively for black people. What's the point in putting all these built up "rules" about it. It's time to let go. You can hate me or love me for it, but can't nobody tell me what I can or can't say. It's got nothing to do with trying to be a thug. It's about the culture of the music. And that's all I have to say about that (no pun intended) lol. It's all love. Some people will get it, some people won't. Either way, Ima keep living my life however the fuck I want. ALL LOVE.
Is it piling on to someone who clearly lacks a capacity for self-awareness and has never had to interact with the world in a way sufficiently difficult to alter his perception of his own existence? Are well being cruel to Chet Haze? Maybe--but that's why he can take it. Maybe Chet Haze actually wants our collective rage, for a directed purpose, because he's actually a vigilante for social justice. Maybe Chet Haze's millionaire playboy-slash-failed rapper-slash-public idiot act is just that. Maybe, as such an obvious punching bag, he's not the figure the internet deserves, but the one it needs right now. Maybe he's not a hero. Maybe he's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight. (Has anyone checked up on what Chet Haze does with his evenings?)
The organizers of Afropunk Fest just announced this year's line-up and, once again, it's a doozy: Grace Jones, Lauryn Hill and Lenny Kravitz headline a bill that also includes artists like Danny Brown, Kelis, Suicidal Tendencies, Lion Babe, Kaytranada, Brenmar, UNIIQ3 and more. The festival returns to Commodore Barry Park in Brooklyn the weekend of August 22-23 and also announced they'll be hosting an off-shoot in Atlanta's Central Park on October 3-4 with a line-up that's still TBA.
For the first-time this year, the organizers are hosting an Afropunk Ball the night before -- also at Commodore Barry Park -- where Jones will be performing ahead of her headlining set the following evening along with Cakes Da Killa and Mike Q. Proceeds from the party's ticket sales will go toward the AFROPUNK Global Initiative, "which dedicates itself to the promotion of diversity in media and the arts in addition to volunteer service." Also for the first time this year, guests will have to purchase tickets (Brooklyn Vegan is reporting you can buy tickets on presale now using the password "2015") but there will also be an "earned ticket program" that matches interested attendees with community service-style projects that you can complete in exchange for a ticket.
Check out the full line-up, below:
Ms Lauryn Hill
Cakes Da Killa
Scroll through to see who we thought was rocking "peak 'tell me about it, stud' ice queen-bitch pose" and who looked like a "90s swan," below.
"Like she could have worn anything else yesterday? We all get dressed for Caitlyn."-- Elizabeth
"I'm sort of getting 21st Century Carol Channing vibes and I like it. She also gets props for wearing the best 'I just announced I'm pregnant' look ever."-- Abby
"Abby, do you think Kanye has a little tank on underneath or just nothing?"-- Elizabeth
"Nothing. #SWISH."-- Abby
"Pit game strong."-- Elizabeth
"She looks like she's wearing a lobster and she look fabulous."-- Abby
"I'm very on board for anything goth, but I just can't get with this dress. Her witchy hair and makeup is great, though. That's an Omega Smokey Eye and her center-part up-do says "I make lace in a misty Spanish village by the sea and know how and when you'll die." --Elizabeth
"Agreed -- love the hair and make-up but really dislike the lace-y cut-outs that look like something Elvira's sister living in the East Village would wear on a first OkCupid date."-- Abby
"Grimes should attend every red-carpet event 'til the end of time, acting as a Tilda/Helena Bonham Carter's proxy, spreading the Good Word of the avant-fug legacy." --Elizabeth
"Her stocking situation intimidates me."-- Abby
"The only person in the history of persons who can pull of a transition aviator lens and not look like an absolute monster."-- Elizabeth
"Ditto artfully-crafted stubble."-- Abby
"Everyone should look like Dame Edna at some point in their life, that's just a given. And Kelly has already ticked that shit off her to-do list because she's a trailblazer. But, Kelly, it's time to pack up the purple hair and the mohawk and move your look on down the road. New look: Jumpsuits and capes and turbans. -- Elizabeth
"I agree. I feel like I'm getting déjà vu. Even the dress looks super familiar. I'd also like to see almond-shaped nails get retired to the dustbin of early '10s treasures."-- Abby
"Peak 'tell me about it, stud' ice queen-bitch pose. One of the best red carpet jerks of all time. Much respect."-- Elizabeth
"No one does a cat smirk like Holmes. You can just feel the 'oh really' emanating from her cheekbones."-- Elizabeth
"This color looks great on Katie and her hair and makeup look great. I love that she kept it simple and classic. This is one of the best looks we've seen her in, in a while." -- Abby
"I loved her in this Christian Siriano dress. And they had pizza afterward, dammit."-- Elizabeth
"Juliette looks like a gorgeous '90s swan." -- Abby
"Betsey Johnson is 72."-- Elizabeth
"Everything about this photo is YES." -- Abby
"A jumpsuit, a center part, a dream."-- Elizabeth
"I don't know what to make up that extra fabric/sash-thing in the front but the hair/makeup and general '70s disco queen vibe of the outfit is A+++" -- Abby
Zac Posen and Maya Thurman Hawke
"If Maya Thurman Hawke isn't Miss Golden Globe 2016 the system is broken." -- Elizabeth
"Love the dress and love to picture Maya Hawke and Dylan Penn and Tallulah Willis hanging out in a clubhouse somewhere." -- Abby
Pharrell Williams and Helen Lasichanh
"Jeans at the CFDA Awards, Pharrell? If you're not going to wear something nice, then don't wear anything at all. Bad Gal knows best."--Elizabeth
"The CFDA Awards don't even get a fancier hat, Pharrell? What are they, chopped liver?" -- Abby
Hamish Bowles and Victoria Beckham
"Hamish came through with a fun, fug suit to offset Beckham's snoozey nice-and-fine-ness. That's what friends are for." -- Elizabeth
"Fashion world yin & yang." -- Abby
"Jumpsuit." -- Elizabeth
"Love, love, love." -- Abby
"Chrissy Teigen seems like she'd be a really fun friend who smells good all of the time and is very well-organized and living her life but also just likes to cook and hang out on Sundays."-- Elizabeth
"Normally I don't go for the whole voluminous ruffle-y top but I like it here. Rock on, Chrissy." -- Abby
"That little water bottle watching nervously in the background."-- Elizabeth
"Poseurs take note: Anna is QBIC of wearing your coat as a cape." -- Abby
"I think Diane Kruger seems nice and I like this dress."--Elizabeth
"I like that she kept her hair and makeup real simple so the focus could be on how sparkly the dress is. It's not her first time at the fashion rodeo." -- Abby
Taraji P. Henson
"Best dressed of the night. The dress' color and design is gorgeous and that arched brow just slapped you across the face and then pushed you down a flight of stairs."--Elizabeth
"Slay. That is all." -- Abby
We begin right where we left off, in the middle of Kupah's meltdown, which really did not have to be a cliffhanger. Here's what happened: He's upset he's going home and angry by the possibility of being used as "filler" to thinly disguise the very real race problem this show has. Is that a valid perspective? Of course. Does that have anything to do with why Kaitlyn sent him home? It does not. He gives the parting gift of negging himself by saying that he's been dissed by "uglier girls" and infers that Kaitlyn may believe he has chlamydia, which is impossible. You can bring a lot on this show (mysoginism, homophobia, paternalism), but you can't bring STDs.
On to the rose ceremony! It's too early to care about people who go home this early, so we're saying goodbye to Daniel the fashion designer and Cory, about whom I have nothing to say, because he got no screen time.
The first group date has the boys sumo wrestling, which is genius. They have to wear what can really only be described as very loose diapers, which is very strategic and helpful for Kaitlyn, as she can truly tell who has the largest balls of the group. One of their sumo instructors has the distinction of being the largest Japanese human being ever, and I shame myself and my country because my first thought was "Oh, he's not that big." Might be time to stop watching My 600 Pound Life.
All the guys have fun with it except for Tony, who somehow thinks he has a shot at winning against a real sumo wrestler. He giggles wildly and engages in some frantic shoving, before throwing a temper tantrum. Shoutout to industrial welder Joshua, who is quickly becoming one of my favorites, for this soundbite: "These [sumo wrestlers] must really have some calloused-up weenies."
Back to Tony, who speaks like he's constantly auditioning for a Ted Talk. Tony has a problem with all the aggression shown on the group dates, despite minutes before declaring no one to be ready for the sumo fury he's about to unleash. "I just want to do something peaceful and loving because that's who I am," says the man in an adult diaper. He tells her he "views the world through the eyes of a child" (how's that for maturity) and "has the spirit of a gypsy." I would have told Tony that goats do roam and to head for the hills, but Kaitlyn tries her best to mollify him, despite JJ's attempts to insert himself into the situation.
Next the guys head to a public sumo exhibition, which Tony skips. The remaining guys face off in a round robin, and Clint wins because he used to wrestle and takes this too seriously. Back at the house, Tony is still complaining, this time to Joshua. "Why can't we go to the zoo, and imitate animals? Who makes the best elephant noise?" I'd love to know the answer to that, actually. My guess would be Joshua. Tony packs up his stuff and leaves on his own, which is a great development. He goes and finds Kaitlyn, who could not care less.
At the cocktail party, JJ thinks Kaitlyn looks great in leather pants (co-sign) and Clint thinks it would be wise to take a knee tonight and not talk to her at all. Instead, he straight-up ignores her. "I would expect that if she cared about getting to know me she would put forth an effort," he says, which is exactly what she did by inviting him on a one-on-one and a group date. Clint, you look like the villain in a Pixar movie and this is a horrible "strategy."
Shawn B. (poor man's Ryan Gosling) has never fallen for someone "so fast so quickly," which guarantees him the date rose. See, Clint? Attention and consideration! They work. Clint seems to see the writing on the wall, and the groundwork is laid for the subplot of this episode: Clint and JJ, two men, might want to do sex to one another at some point. Ha, ha! Can you even imagine two grown men wanting such a thing? Wait, I can. More of this insufferable non-story later.
Chris Harrison took the autonomy, I mean pleasure, in choosing Kaitlyn's one-on-one date. Ben Z., you're up! He is, as Kaitlyn perfectly puts it, "babe soda." Drink it up and hope if fortifies you, because Chris Harrison has chosen to send them on something called "The Basement: A Live Escape Experience." Abduction and escape -- what a fun and sexy date for a woman! She and Ben Z. have to figure out some easy riddles in scary places to escape this horror show, and we find out Kaitlyn is scared of pigeons. Me too! They are bird-rats and deserve no sympathy.
Ben Z. heads back to Kaitlyn's house for a low-key pizza dinner, and we find out that he hasn't cried since his mother's death 11 years ago, which is very sad. JJ and I have a bet that he'll finally shed those tears once Kaitlyn eventually sends him home. Can't wait, that'll be healthy for him. For now, however, Ben Z. and his barrel chest get the rose.
Second group date! Jared, Joshua, Ben H., Ryan, Joshua and Tanner are off to teach some middle schoolers about sex education, which is definitely something our country is clear and helpful about at large. Joshua adorably refers to Tampons as "tam-pens" and we're off. It turns out the children are actually child actors which is supposed to make this all fine, I suppose. Does being a child actor come with some type of maturity clause I'm not aware of? The ballad of Kim Richards tells me no. They even bleep out some of the "naughty" words (you're up, "clitoris" and "penis") and I'm confused as to why children can hear these words but the national television audience cannot. Some highlights:
Ryan B. says that the clitoris is "arguably one of the more important parts of the female anatomy," and "if you want girls to like you you should know what that is... that's what makes her want to have sex with you again."
Joshua: "Girls, don't be freaked out, but the lining of your uterus is about to shed. It kind of like...dies. About once a month." This is fairly accurate. As Josh pantomimes inserting a tampon (which he calls a "little torpedo") into a model of a vagina, the black box appears, because apparently seeing a real tampon inside a fake vagina is just too much.
Ben H. steals the show when he fairly adorably describes reproduction, and uses meeting Kaitlyn as a way to illustrate falling in love. He also acts out being a "lucky sperm" that impregnates a woman, and it is somehow charming and adorable. Ben H., if you get to hometown dates you'll be the next bachelor. He also nabs the rose at the cocktail party, after competently dipping Kaitlyn mid-makeout.
Back to our Clint and JJ "romance." We see them hanging out by the pool, complimenting themselves ("We're the smartest" Clint tells JJ) and popping one another's back zits in the shower. Clint serenades JJ and says he's connected with him more than Kaitlyn, and that "we've grown very close...almost too close." Clint says "the possibility of coming on The Bachelorette and falling in love with a man never crossed my mind, but I believe in the process and at this point I'm a success story," he's smirking. He's not being serious. They both want screen time, and the producers cleverly edited their bromance to appear to be sexual in nature, because that is HiLaRiOuS. What an epic gag.
At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony Clint is scrambling. He has no interest in her, but wants to remain on the show so he steals her away. His excuse for putting out zero effort? His balls became lodged inside of him on the sumo date, so that's why he made zero effort to speak with her. He didn't have the balls. "Villains gotta vill" he tells JJ, a catchphrase that is perfect for him and that a producer suggested to him off-camera seconds before the cameras rolled. This approach somehow works, and it falls on Joshua to tell Kaitlyn point-blank they aren't here for her. "Clint and JJ are both two-faced...there's nothing else really to say, they clearly enjoy wearing the villain hat."
We end with Kaitlyn about to dumb Clint, which I am very excited to see. "Clint is one of the biggest douches in Bachelor history," she says, and I condur. Up next week? The return of Nick Viall, the runner-up and slut-shamer from Andi's season. Let's do this!
And, in other news, I had the pleasure of speaking on today's Here to Make Friends, The Huffington Post's very excellent Bachelorette podcast you should catch every week. Check it out below!
Channing Tatum is barely recognizable as he channels some future self in a prank video to promote Magic Mike XXL. Disguising himself as an balding, middle aged man, he successfully deceives fans at a special screening of the new movie, even at one point stepping out of his shy character and joining male strippers in front of the screen to twerk and give lap dances. Although he's having fun promoting his new film, Tatum's also using this video to advertise his collaboration with the charity fundraising platform, Omaze. To help this effort, you can donate $10 here and enter to win a trip to the the premiere and VIP after-party of Magic Mike XXL.
It looks like this season's must-have prom accessory is none other than Jaden Smith.
Two weeks ago, the Famous Teen showed up to prom with aspiring singer Mecca Kalani in a reprise of the white leather Batsuit he wore to Kim and Kanye's wedding. Outfit-wise, it's hard to top a literal superhero costume, but Smith -- apparently now a serial prom attendee -- pulled it off with the black blazer and color-block shift dress he wore to his second prom of the season, which he attended on the arm of Amandla Stenberg of Hunger Games fame.
Since prom season's still going strong, we wouldn't be surprised if Smith pops up at a few more of these high school rites of passage. With that in mind, we make a few humble suggestions for how he could top outfits 1 & 2.
Shirt, jacket, pants, and scarf all by Alexander Wang.
Because a pot leaf-patterned suit wouldn't make it past the chaperones.
Shirt by Alexander Wang, jacket by Ann Demeulemeester, skirt by Maison Margiela.
Very Men in Black, but more leather. Will would be proud.
Dress by Elie Saab.
Let's hope Smith's date doesn't get too mad at him when his prom dress upstages hers.
Community ended its hashtag-fueled sixth season on Yahoo! today, after a run that included losing its cantankerous showrunner, regaining said showrunner, getting canceled by NBC, picked up by a large internet company people don't think a lot about, and churning through half its cast in the process. So, as the show was wont to do, it spent what might be its last episode (not including the inevitable movie) thinking about itself. With a few more characters leaving Greendale, how would everyone envision a possible season seven?
Without spoiling "Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television," which is generally speaking a very good episode that will be particularly effective and at least a bit moving for long-time fans of the show, it follows in a long, storied line of self-referential series finales. (Or at least, of episodes intended as such.) That TV finales, which are notoriously difficult to pull off by nature of the medium (which incentivizes writers to at all times generate more story, in order to more effectively keep the show going and keep viewers coming back), call attention to the impending end isn't surprising -- after all, if the show has been running for a while, the entire world it created is coming to an end, and even if life goes on for the characters, the viewers, along with the entire production team and cast, won't be around to see it.
The most famous example of this is likely the end of St. Elsewhere, infamous even for people who didn't watch the show. Spoiler alert, I guess (with an additional obvious spoiler alert for all of the series finales discussed in this piece, because duh): the entire show was the fantasy of autistic boy Tommy Westphall, who has been playing with a snowglobe containing the hospital.
In honor of Tommy Westphall (and the attendant efforts to prove that all of scripted TV isn't "real"via connections to St. Elsewhere), we look through some of the more well-known, self-reflexive series finales and rank them--how many meta snowglobes do they earn? (Insulting the viewers is optional.)
Community (1.0), "Introduction to Finality"
One of the weirder series finales, in that it isn't a series finale. Showrunner Dan Harmon clearly wrote "Introduction to Finality" as the last episode of the show, but it wound up as a button on his original tenure before being fired, scanning the end on multiple levels. Also, it ends with Abed (often Harmon's stand-in) literally disappearing inside his own imagination.
Verdict: Pretty damned meta. 8/10 snowglobes.
Mad Men, "Person to Person"
Has it already been two whole weeks since the Mad Men finale? Where has the time gone? Are we still having a meditation dream at Esalen? Are we enlightened? Well, it seems pretty clear by now that Don Draper did, in fact, make that Coca-Cola ad, proving his own greatness at selling things along with Matthew Weiner's (and the pervasive horror of late capitalism).
Verdict: Mad Men was always kind of obliquely about itself, so this isn't much of a surprise. 6/10 snowglobes.
30 Rock, "Last Lunch"
"Last Lunch" is a finale that takes on almost all of the standard tropes of series finales -- life goes on for the characters working on TGS, but they reaffirm their "work family" relationship in the process of putting on one last show. To top it all off, we get a zoom out at the very end suggesting that the entire series is actually a show made by Liz's great-granddaug
Verdict: Meta, but in a cutesy way that's more about the tradition of TV finales (with a specific reference to the snowglobe) than it is about the show itself. Though 30 Rock is also about making TV, so... wait... *cough* 7.5/10 snowglobes.
Finally, Ted Mosby finishes telling the annoying story he's been boring his kids with for years. The rightly-reviled How I Met Your Mother finale did have a noble goal -- to comment on the nature of the show by allowing life to take its course and pull the cast apart and placate the three remaining Ted/Robin shippers. Still, the move might have played better had they not made the show legitimately engaging in the last season -- the alternate ending, which allows Robin and Barney to stay together and keeps Tracy as a legitimate character instead of a walking uterus, is far superior.
Verdict: Not more meta than How I Met Your Mother ever was (which, admittedly, was pretty meta). 5/10 snowglobes.
Another widely hated series finale, this one found Roseanne's TV character reveal that the events of the last season were made up -- her husband, Dan (John Goodman), had actually died of a heart attack. It was a stark rebuke to the audience, and an opportunity to look at the value of story-telling.
Verdict: Having your protagonist and alter-ego read from a book about the themes of the show is about as meta as it gets. 9/10 snowglobes.
Newhart, "The Last Newhart"
Though you could also have him wake up as his character from an older show that he also starred in, literally proclaiming that it was all a dream.
Verdict: LOLOLOL, A+ audience trolling. 9.5/10 snowglobes.
Community (2.0), "Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television"
Finally! Back to Community. We'll let the verdict speak for itself.
Verdict: Somehow, even more meta than the previous Community finale, because it's actually asking if the show deserves a future, and if so, what kind. Rather than simply starting into the abyss, "Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television" literally has the characters ask, "What should the show look like?" And that's why it gets 10/10 snowglobes.
NYC's nightlife-nostalgia freaks have a busy week cut out for them. First off, there's the 50th anniversary celebration of Max's Kansas City running from June 4th to the 7th at Bowery Electric (327 Bowery). The infamous Park Avenue South spot -- originally ruled by the late Mickey Ruskin -- packed in the artist, poets, downtown denizens and Warhol crowd, first as a restaurant and later with a small upstairs music venue where everybody from Tim Buckley to Bruce Springsteen (Bob Marley opened) performed in the early '70s. This week's 4-day party is hosted each night by Peter Crowley, the booker for the club's second incarnation starting in 1975, and includes performances by tons of acts including The Sick F*cks, Testors, Pure Hell, Sea Monster, Penny Arcade and many more, plus there's a Jayne County tribute thrown in as well.
Save a little energy for the Roxy reunion party at Madiba Harlem (46 West 116th Street) on June 5th, 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. This brings together the old roller gang that boogied-down in the early '80s over on West 18th Street, before that location morphed into a downtown hip-hop club. The reunion features the Dynamic Rockers, DJ Misbehavior, Duce Martinez and the Funk U Fridays Skate Jammers. "Bring your heels, wheels or shoes and move to the grooves," as the flyer says.
Exactly a year after the release of her debut album, Satisfaction Guaranteed, NYC-based rapper Junglepussy has dropped "You Don't Know" in advance of her performance at the Brooklyn Museum on June 6th. Like "Nah," her breakout from Satisfaction Guaranteed, the track is rife with food references -- "You chewin' Chinese food / Weak-ass greasy wonton soup," she raps at one point -- but Junglepussy takes her music in a new grinding, bass-heavy direction with her first summer single. Stream it above.