Mr. Mickey Judges the Red Carpet Looks at This Year's Cannes Film Festival

I've never seen a Diane Kruger movie, but in this Giambattista Valli Couture concoction she certainly looks like a movie star. It feels like a bit of a Grace Kelly homage.

I generally like designer Michael Angel, and Freida Pinto is a knockout, but there's something about the bunchy area over the hips that looks very lumpy. And not in a cute way.

Eva Longoria is super-gorgeous and knows how to serve up red carpet glamour with a capital G. This Marchesa gown is gorgeous and the train is bananas. It must have been a bitch to get out of the taxi in that thing, though.

I do not get Jessica Chastain's looks, this one included. I would have never guessed that this dress is by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen and, personally, I can't really wrap my arms around a gown that shows top, side and bottom boobies.

Eva Herzigova in Dolce & Gabbana is what European glamour looks like. And how cute are the yelling photographers behind her? So La Dolce Vita!  

I don't really know why but there's something about Lana Del Rey in Alberta Ferretti that works for me. Why is she in black? Why is she at Cannes? Who knows, but I like it.

Fan Bingbing's look is cuckoo-bananas and I like that its design was based on a vase. 

Here's Fan Bingbing again. (She's the one who wore the cuckoo bananas vase number above, FYI.) This dress is more of a casual day look for Bingbing. It's a bit mother-of-the-bride, but I still think she looks great.
P.S. Can you imagine how hard it was for her to fit all her looks into two checked bags?

There's something beachy about Virginie Ledoyen in Elie Saab which feels right for Cannes (like maybe she was laying out at the pool topless and then just threw this dress on for the red carpet).

Berenice Bejo in Louis Vuitton feels weirdly too dressy for me. Really I think the problem is that I tried to watch The Artist on a plane and I could only get through 20 minutes of it. Berenice just didn't feel 1920s to me.

Hofit Golan is an Israeli socialite, which I love. Have you ever heard of her? I haven't. The dress isn't great, but who cares?

Tilda Swinton can do no wrong in my book and I worship a woman in a black-tie pants look. Miuccia Prada did pants at the Met Ball as well. Two's a trend!

I'm just in love with Ewan McGregor no matter what he's wearing. In this case it's a shirt and tie by Marni. I do, however, wish the trousers were a tad snugger. Or off.

Marion Cottilard in Christian Dior Couture is serving up chic Velazquez-painting-vibes with her child in tow and the dramatic facial expressions going on in the background.

Jane Fonda shows how sexy a covered-up look can be in this Stella McCartney number.

Dolores Chaplin in Lanvin is super stunning and very fashion. Meanwhile can someone get me the phone number of her date? Yowza.

Is Alec Baldwin wearing Spanx or has he gotten into awesome shape all of sudden? He looks great.

I'm not sure who Chris Pine's Plus One is but I'm mildly obsessed. CPPO is gorgeous.

I'm generally vehemently opposed to ruching but I love it on a large-and-in-charge gal like Beth Ditto. Particularly when she's serving up a Marilyn Monroe homage.

I'm a little bit over Sacha Baron Cohen's hijinks but you must admit this is an eye-catching look.

I love Tim Roth with his daughter. She looks like she's really having fun and she's got some fun footwear.

This lady looks like the evil villain from the next Disney cartoon and I love it. 

I love a mish-mash of plaids and madras but I wish the colors of Bill Murray's patterns worked more harmoniously.

Jason Schwartzman is such a babe in Kenzo. I just wanna rub my face all over his stubble.