National icon Britney Jean Spears is slayingly (why isn't this an official word yet?) back. But, like actually f'ing back. She's alive, she's happy, she's doing yoga/actually dancing.
Because, let's be real and as transparent as Brit Brit's penchant for Starbucks and vanilla candles -- the #BritneyArmy perma borders on delusional (I may or may not be very guilty) and we've been squealing "the bitch is back" ever since her 2008 "comeback" album, Circus, hit number one on many a global chart. Still, the performances weren't the pelvic-thrusting choreography circa Britney's golden years we were used to "I diiiie"-ing to. Nonetheless, we, the deluded, would tweet things like "*dead*" alongside GIFs of Britney hair-whipping her extensions during any and all post-2007 performances. We wanted to believe. We needed to. We'd never lose hope.
But then, 11 weeks ago, we actually diiiied when our icon returned. Like, full blown Brit Brit circa 2004. Goofy, talented, hot.
Personally, I believe Britney's return has more to do with breaking up with Charlie Ebersol -- you may recall Britney turning on her mic for eight seconds at one of her Piece Of Me shows to announce that "men, frankly, can suck my fucking toe." What was perhaps more awesome was when she said the past year of being single had been "very, very profound" -- the shade of it all!
But there's probably no better sign of Brit Brit being 1000% back and at 'em than the fact that she's totally, finally, running her own Instagram account.
A few of our favorite recent posts:
A bikini top-clad Britney snapping a photo on a boat with a southern stud/stranger with the caption "Nothing like Louisiana boys!" You go, girl.
This one of Britney in the recording studio 60 weeks ago is really fucking important. Note the pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights on the music stand behind Realney. Team Spears is loosening up! Britney's smile is alive! The Starbucks to the right probably made her glow, too.
The best-mom-ever posts won't stop: Britney with her boys at Disneyland, the boys skateboarding, etc. Cute. But the cutest thing happens when Brit Brit makes headlines via an Instagram video of her zipping around what's most likely a gated community on a scooter. HELP US.
Also, let's meditate on the endless saccharine sea of Hallmark-y quotes. There's lots of fairy and God references.
What is this?
Here's Britney as a mermaid.
Here's Britney, her brother and her niece as mermaids/merman. A family affair.
From Ariel to Sleeping Beauty.
Britney selfie sans filter/focus in her bedroom showcasing her fondness of her new haircut.
Britney and her twin, Kate Hudson.
Britney being Britney, Bitch!
Oh how we've missed our totally normal Southern belle who just so happens to forever be our queen of pop. With all due respect, pop starlets, it's time to have several seats!