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The Best, Worst, and Weirdest of the Week

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Best NSFW Depiction of Justin Bieber Jacking off on an IO Hawk: The man behind the pornographic Zayn Malik fan-zine SOLO is back again with BOYFRIEND. The Justin Bieber zine features the "What Do You Mean?" singer posing with his car collection, in a shower, and, of course, wanking it on an IO Hawk. (Click through for, uh, pics.) -- MM
Best Former Child Star Cosplay: Cole Sprouse of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody fame has posted his finished Halloween costume on Twitter. Going as Milo Thatch from the 2001 Disney film Atlantis, Sprouse put together a chic costume while still managing to capture the lovable awkwardness of the intrepid explorer. (Cole also felt it necessary to point out he owns a framed picture of Teddy Roosevelt...) -- Matthew Moen

_86115744_86115741.jpgWorst Return Investment on a Adult-Sized Toddler Vehicle: After making a working life-sized version of a Little Tikes toy car that you can actually drive on a highway, the man who made the monstrosity somehow failed to sell it on eBay. Weird, who would've thought that no one was willing to drop £21,500 on a big version of a toddler toy? -- MM

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Best New Emoji, Non-Taco Edition: The unicorn emoji. It's majestic! -- MM

Worst Statement by Sam Smith: Self-explanatory, from this interview with NME. There's *some* mitigating context (it's about the broader role Smith would like to assume in pop culture over time), but it really doesn't help all that much. Don't claim you speak for a group that includes millions of people, 'kay? Thanks! -- Eric Thurm

Ask a Grown Man: Terry Crews from Rookie on Vimeo.

Sweetest, Scariest Man: Terry Crews, one of the stars of Brooklyn Nine-Nine (and one of the funniest people in the cast) did Rookie's "Ask a Grown Man" series and, like all the other installments, it is delightful. -- ET

THE LITTLE MAN FROM TWIN PEAKS & DRAKE present: "HOTLINE PEAKS"!

Posted by Laszlo Toth on Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Best "Hotline Bling" Meme, Non-Drake Edition: This video mashup with Twin Peaks is pretty stellar, and manages to avoid "dancing Drake" fatigue while capturing the absurd character of the video (as well as the song). -- ET

Best "Hotline Bling" Meme, Drake Edition: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah! Spooky, scary! Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves! -- ET

Weirdest Wedding News: It seems like the 1800s made a comeback this week when newly wed bride Brelyn Freeman produced a "Certificate of Purity" to her father on her wedding day. She wanted to make sure everyone knew no horseback or bike ride had compromised the integrity of her hymen, because apparently this is the Middle Ages. -- Morgan Grain


Most Superhuman Feat: Is this a real story? Can you really survive off of only pizza for 7 days and then lose 5 pounds? I want to have a talk with Cosmo's fact-checker. -- Sandra Song

 
Best New Twitter Account:
@CoolJeopardyStories, dedicated to "simplistically yet accurately summarizing the insipid contestant interview part of Jeopardy!" So many cats with fun names. --Elizabeth Thompson

_NCB0734-2.jpgBest Business Name: R.I.P. Fuckoffee the London coffee shop. -- SS

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Most Unappetizing Pastry: Sanrio, better known as the team behind Hello Kitty, just opened up a pop-up cafe in Hong Kong focused around a lazy egg character called Gudetama. And to market it, they have pastries of this cute little fellow that, um, ooze poop-esque chocolate from its butt area when squeezed. Yum. -- SS

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Best Celebrity Conspiracy Theory: So the Internet apparently invented Demi Lovato an imaginary twin sister this week named Poot Lovato. Move over, Avril. -- SS

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