The Best and Worst Butt Play Products On The Interwebs

Ahh, nothing like the ass to inspire creativity -- especially when it comes to sexy-time butt play. After all, our super scientific sources (us) say that there's nothing better to round out the derrière exploration than a little poke and stretch -- and as such, we rounded up our favorite themed butt stuff (with a particular emphasis on plugs), for your enjoyment. Play safe and maybe rethink buying lube in bulk.

Inspired in some capacity by #piggate? Well Master Series has an excellent Pig Tail Butt Plug that would go swimmingly with any sort of Black Mirror-esque, dystopian playtime you may wanna have. And while according to reviews, this particular model is more for first-timers ("not so big it hurts"), more experienced players can purchase an apple-shaped version that looks much more...hefty.

From the people behind the aforementioned pig tail butt plug comes a dog tail, which apparently also has a "swelling head" to ensure nothing slips. Also sold: a matching neoprene dog mask with removable muzzle. Whoosh.

Tired of flimsy (rubber) fisting tools? Well then this gorgeous, life-sized, solid steel fist is the answer to all your dreams. Doubling as a centerpiece and sex object, needless to say this one's probably for the already-stretched out.

From the brilliant minds behind Divine Interventions Religious Sex Toys comes the infamous Baby Jesus Butt Plug, which rounds out a collection that also includes "Jackhammer Jesus" and "Buddha's Delight" dildos. Needless to say though, Baby Jesus up the butt (in one of six colors) will definitely be the highlight of your collection.

Just in case you like your butt stuff to skew a little more...mystical, there's a unicorn-themed anal vibrator on the market -- and it's miniature for discrete carry, of course! Skeptical? Not to worry, because Nasstoys thoughtfully smoothed out the top of the wand, so there's no accidental anal tears etc.

In case you've always wondered what it would feel like to ram a traffic cone up your ass, the good people at Bedtime Heaven have got you covered with their Extreme Cone Butt Plug. Clocking in at a frightening 7-inch diameter at the bottom, this one is definitely only for old hands at anal. 

Calling all furries, because no butt stuff list would be complete without furry tail plugs -- in a variety of animals, lengths and fur plumes. Because whether you skew more minx or molt, there's a plug for all you furry fetishists. WOOF.

Stick it to facism, cause Etsy's got a Kim Jong Un butt plug for sale. Handmade and staunchly anti-dictatorial, there's also a Putin plug if you're looking to include more Axis of Evil world leaders.

For the au natural freaks, there's also a butt plug with a fucking mushroom in it, because...well I'm not quite sure. All I do know is that they're all one-of-a-kind and come in a variety of sizes and designs from one Pacific Northwest store ("Conscious Creations" screech) -- and I'm assuming everything is locally sourced.