Miley Cyrus
"Miley looked like Blonde Ambition-era Madonna beamed down to Planet Earth from Xanadu in the best way possible. (Although I probably would've ditched the unnecessary dreads.)"-- Abby
"Is it 1905? Like, you can show some skin and take risks Miley."-- Elizabeth
Nicki Minaj
"Nicki looks like a Cleopatra goddess. I don't love the belly button peeking out but she makes it work."-- Abby
"This is sex fire on a stick. It makes me want to pray with Pastor Lydia."--Elizabeth
Taylor Swift
"Props to Taylor for going 'peak Taylor' with a crop top look. She's feelin' herself."-- Abby
"I thought this was appropriate millennial sparkle fug. Taylor always mixes it up for the VMAs, which is technically an awards show for 12-year-olds, so, like, what? She's going to go full Ellie Saab-floor-length-snooze-gown?"--Elizabeth
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West
"Kim's Balmain dress is very Private Benjamin-chic and I like that they're doing a quasi-matching couples' outfit with the tan-on-tan-on-sand-on-sand palette. That said, I miss the days when Kanye used to show up to awards shows looking like this."-- Abby
"Sometimes people need to grow up and start thinking about sleeve lengths and pockets. Kim K loves a front pocket on a red carpet right now and I support her, as women's clothing is bullshit when it comes to pockets.POCKET JUSTICE.--Elizabeth
Justin Bieber
"We said it first: Justin's rocking the Kate Gosselin haircut, against better judgment. The rest of the look is totally fine though -- exactly what a young man going to the VMAs should be wearing. In other words, he looks like Miguel."-- Abby
"It's very Lincoln Hawk-chic/Malibu-chainsaw-artist/Harley-lover-raising-two-tween-daughters-on-his-own-but-getting-back-into-dating-but-not-looking-for-hookups and I like that. It's a good look for Bieber."-- -- Elizabeth
Kylie Jenner
"Kylie's dress reminds me of those rope courses you have to climb in "team building" exercises that "companies" do on "corporate retreats." She looks pretty otherwise but I think the hair and makeup slightly ages her -- she's 18 and should own it!"-- Abby
"I liked this ropey little thing and generally feel that long-sleeved shift dresses + a heavy bang = slam-dunk '60s sultriness, but I agree that it's a little much in this case."-- Elizabeth
Cara Delevingne
"This is a pretty demure look for Cara -- especially considering the freakshow that is the VMAs. It's very pretty though and her hair's never looked better."-- Abby
"Cara does a 'fuck-yourself-to-the-darkest-depths-of-the-universe' scowl like no other. It's art. It's beauty. I thought this dress was fine."-- Elizabeth
Gigi Hadid
"Gigi's so pretty but this dress and the spray tan makes her look like a Palm Springs divorcée whose kids are in college and is taking some time to enjoy her alimony and live her life, you know? She drinks Chardonnay over ice every day with lunch and has a hairstylist named Fausto, formerly Freddie Schwartz from Thousand Oaks, who comes to her house and gives her blow-outs before she hits Palm Canyon Drive for a night out with her girlfriends."-- Abby
"Yeah, I agree that maybe Gigi is too young to pull off the parched sun-goddess, Benson & Hedges 100s-grandeur that this look could have been. This is really Lana's game and Lana's game only."-- Elizabeth
Helen Lasichanh and Pharrell Williams
"I miss the hat."-- Abby
"Cute and fun."-- Elizabeth
Jeremy Scott
"Jeremy looks like a Ken doll circus ringmaster -- in other words, he looks amazing."-- Abby
"Agreed. When in doubt, just don't wear a shirt under a tux. It gives the slightest whisper of Chippendales and makes people think of Patrick Swayze, who is someone people should be thinking about once or twice a week anyway."-- Elizabeth
Hailee Steinfeld
"I love this -- Hailee looks very sophisticated but still cool and fun."-- Abby
"Agreed. She looks very intergalactic, twenty-something SoHo Art Gallery owner who is not just using her family's money to add to the problem. She actually cares about giving platforms to artists whose voices matter and it's not always just about this pedigreed, blue-chip bullshit. Also, that clutch is a dream."-- Elizabeth
Rita Ora
"I'm getting sick of all these feather skirts and cut-outs. Rita's body looks amazing but I'm ready to see her in something new."-- Abby
"I feel that everyone's general look should be "boobs Ostrich," so I really loved this."-- Elizabeth
Britney Spears
"Two's a trend! (See Nicki Minaj's gold, sparkly, sheer and navel-baring dress.) But the expression she has on her face is exactly how I imagine it must feel like to wear that dress and those shoes."-- Abby
"I wanted this dress to be long, but that's it. She looked awesome and everyone thought about her naked. Good job to all. -- Elizabeth"
Kris Jenner
"Kris looks great although that extra silk on those sleeves is crusin' for a bruisin' from the Kim K. book of 'no more pilgrim adams family outfits.'"-- Abby
"Kris will serve all-black and a shattered bang until the end of time. It works. She works it. She's worth it. "-- Elizabeth
Ciara
"It seems like whatever's peeking out underneath those fringe-y scarf things is OK but I'm really not vibing with this look otherwise. Not her best although the hair and makeup looks fantastic."-- Abby
"I like that MTV went with a checkered carpet in bold colors this year."-- Elizabeth
Emily Ratajkowski
"Emily's stance is very 'I'm out here' but her face says, 'Fuck my stylist who made me wear this terrible look.' She reminds me of a nineteenth century saloon girl who got teleported into a late-80s party at the Trump Tower."-- Abby
"I like that the step-and-repeat backdrops were made to look like giant TVs. I like the big nobs and buttons!"-- Elizabeth
FKA twigs
"twigs is giving me young Helena Bonham Carter vibes and it's fabulous."-- Abby
"Agreed, Twigs is serving full-on avant-sex-dungeon-dominatrix, which is exactly how you should dress at an awards show mostly watched by children."-- Elizabeth
Rebel Wilson
"I almost dislike this outfit as much as her 'stripper police' bit."-- Abby
"Same. I like those pink bits but I'm not sure about the collar/top half."-- Elizabeth
Z LaLa
"I don't know who Z LaLa is but she should do a duet with Kayvon Zand."-- Abby
"Best dressed of the night. You should always look like a partially deflated mylar balloon and give off a vibe that screams 'hell.' Loved this."-- Elizabeth
Baddie Winkle
"Baddie Winkle stole the whole damn carpet -- love the dress that looks like Oblina from '90s Nickelodeon show Aaahh!!! Real Monsters."-- Abby
"Cutest shoes of the night."-- Elizabeth
