Trouble with love? Work problems? Mercury retrograde? Don't worry. Rapper, author of the forthcoming novel O.K. (Sorry House), and expert astrological navigator, Kool A.D. will safely guide you through the coming month. CANCER
CANCER, PISCES, and LEO are all big gun and psychedelics signs, astrologically-speaking, so if u notice that I tell y'all to do psychedelics and shoot, buy, sell, trade or steal guns a lot, that's why. Anyway CANCER, for U in partic, I'd recommend some psychedelic drugs and gun shooting this month. Like more than usual, even.
LEO
Maybe take psychedelics and shoot guns with a Cancer. Watch some Italian movies while drinking whiskey with ur signif other. If ur single all this would make a great 1st date.
VIRGO
Take a selfie. Touch ur nose and say the alphabet backwards. Drop and give me twenty push ups. Say "yeah" and then say "hell yeah."
LIBRA
A lot of walking this month. A lot of long, sidewinding conversations about essentially nothing. Spend time around animals and/or children. Buy two TVs with 2 VCRs and a VHS copy of Fresh Prince and a VHS copy of Fraiser and watch them both at the same time. Open a "pop-up" restaurant/art gallery in ur house.
SCORPIO
BIG MAMA THORNTON, NINA SIMONE, BILLIE HOLIDAY AND DAWN PENN WALK INTO A BAR, BARTENDER'S LIKE "JAH RASTAFARI ALLAH HU AKBAR CHANGO YEMAYA YEMAYA"
SAGITTARIUS
Write and record an album of rock and roll music this month. Literally any idea that pops into ur head, do that. Front me 1 pound of OG Kush.
CAPRICORN
Drive to the beach. Throw a plum into the ocean and say "YEMAYA." Find a pair of black low top Vans lying right there on the sand. They're ur size. Throw them in a washer/dryer, those puppies come out brand new. Wear them to a BBQ.
AQUARIUS
Acquire a steel watch. Get high on medicinal grade edible marijuana and listen to the new Snoop album. Buy a lotto ticket.
PISCES
Steal that date idea from LEO or whatever maybe just focus on work cause it's kinda busy this month. Eat a nectarine. Front me a pound of OG Kush. Naw just playing but if u need a pound of OG Kush, holler at ur boy.
ARIES
Bruh. BRUH. FRONT ME 1 POUND OF naw just playin. Matterfact U need that loud pack I got that on the low how many plates U thinking. NAW but seriously, the stars are lining up 4 U this month in a major way. Listen to In A Major Way by E-40. Listen to Lightning Hopkins. Apply for that job I feel like u'll get it. If u don't, fuck it, who cares. Take art seriously, especially ur own. Art is at the root of all labor maybe or also whatever who cares. Jah Rastafari, Allah, El Espiritu Santo, Yemaya.
TAURUS
Watch the new Mad Max movie, take a road trip, fire a gun. Watch the Godfather trilogy again. Read Caucasia by Danzy Senna. Listen to the Kinks, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Dr. John and Little Walter. Go to an art museum.
GEMINI
Take hella baths this month. Like 4 or 5 a day even. Fuck "conserving water" man these fuckers should be building ocean desalination plants is what the fuck they should be doing, the earth's like what 90% water or some shit right? So the fuck U mean a drought? Y'all mean to tell me accredited scientists were paid to come up with cappuccino flavored Lay's potato chips but nobody can find the time to take the salt out of saltwater? Fuck outta here. Y'all figure that shit out, meanwhile ima be taking a bath.