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Seinfeld Characters Who Work Better as Crotchety Old People than Jerry

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Continuing the long cycle of icons eroding pieces of their own reputations, Jerry Seinfeld has recently gone on a tear complaining about the kids these days. They're too politically correct, says the comedian who refuses to use curse words, and "creepy," says the man who "dated" a 17-year-old when he was 39. It makes my jokes unfunny, says the creator of Bee Movie (no link, because we have a sense of mercy). This is just a sad story for everyone (except, perhaps, for Larry David, the perpetually gloating genius behind Seinfeld, who often does legitimately needling comedy that works). But it's especially depressing for some minor characters from Seinfeld who would have made much better (and funnier) crotchety old people with a smaller Porsche collection (and longer fuse) than Jerry Seinfeld. Here they are, with just a slight taste of the recognition they deserve:

Uncle Leo
Jerry might be fussy and particular to the point where his disdain for disagreement would become obvious, but Leo is the true old (and old-thinking) soul of Seinfeld. Oblivious, obnoxious insistence is just a much better look on him than on Seinfeld himself.

Tim Whatley
Tim Whatley converts to Judaism for the jokes, uses laughing gas with abandon, and is basically a Teflon human, unwilling to let any insults or slander stick. In other words, he's a perfect troll, practically designed for voicing garbage opinions without personal consequence. Also, he's played by Bryan Cranston, which doesn't hurt.

Crazy Joe Davola
Crazy Joe is just so intimidating and, um, crazy, that it'd be tough not to listen to him if he was threatening to put the "kibosh" on your complaining about his bad, homophobic jokes. Watch out, kids! Crazy Joe is coming for you!

Newman
This is a pity pick, because as passionate as Newman is about all of his opinions, no one ever, ever feels compelled to take him seriously. Maybe he would make college students so sad they would feel guilty about booing him or protesting at his comedy shows.

Susan
Does anyone on Seinfeld have more reason to be cranky than dead Susan? Casually letting George murder (or accidentally kill) his fiancee was one of the boldest thing Seinfeld ever did, and one of its best moments overall. But that's just a reminder of how much paler the kind of comedy Jerry Seinfeld is defending to the death. Just let Susan do what she wants!

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