A Guide to Reporting on Tallywackers, the Just-Opened Male Hooters

Last month, we told you about Tallywackers, the Dallas-based male equivalent of Hooters (meaning it hires attractive men to bring in clientele with their dicks). This past weekend, Tallywackers successfully opened -- but the genius of the concept was not sufficiently rewarded in news stories with dick jokes for headlines. The local news was too shy, too timid, and simply unable to perform when it was time for them to report on the opening of this restaurant. So that this grand opportunity might not go wasted, here are some possible headlines for stories about the grand beginning of Tallywackers, helpfully sorted by angle (but not heft).



If You Got a Little Too Drunk

• "Servers at Tallywackers Serve Stiff Ones"
• "Tallywackers Goes Down a Bit Too Smoothly"

If Your Food Was Improperly Prepared

• "Tallywackers' T-Bones Unimpressive"
• "Sucking Down Tallywackers' Steaks is an Unsatisfying Experience"

If It's a Good Business Opening

• "Tallywackers Stands Tall During Opening Weekend"
• "Tallywackers Comes at Just the Right Time"

If It's a Bad Business Opening

• "Tallywackers May Have Blown its Load Early"
• "Tallywackers Opening Weekend Goes Limp"

If the Tallywackers Servers are Unhappy With Management

• "Tallywackers Waiters Get Shafted"
• "Inside Tallywackers: the Staff Sounds Off" (if you get this one, you are gross)

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