Best Insane-Drake-Instagram-Post In a While: This one. Godspeed, Shaky Warrior. --Elizabeth Thompson
LL Cool J's Biggest Fan of the Week: This girl. Just wait until she finds out he's on NCIS. -- Evan Siegel
Most Hardcore and/or Most Insane College Basketball Fans: The men who elect to get vasectomies in March to have an excuse to sit on the couch for a month. Yes, this is actually a thing. -- E.S.
Best Excuse to Listen to Every Song Robert Pollard Has Ever Recorded: The
announcement that Sony will be rolling out a new kind of cassette tape
that can hold over 64 million songs. You'll even have enough room
leftover to upload a significant portion of Thee Oh Sees catalog. --James Rickman 
Most Bittersweet Moment of the Week: The season finale of Empire. Now we have nothing to watch on Wednesday nights. Come back, Cookie! -- Tené Young
Image via Best Interview of the Week: Azealia Banks' for Playboy. The rapper spoke about, among other things, her former relationship with a 43-year-old man that began when she was 17, her hatred of "fat white Americans" and how she believes "pussy is way more sacred than penis." -- Abby Schreiber
Most Inevitable Lawsuit: The one just filed by Justin Bieber's egging victim. Sorry artificially-reborn-likable-Justin, you're not out of the woods yet! -- E.S.
Best Sad-Bastard SuperheroesThis
new legion, from Brazilian artist Butcher Billy and featuring
Morrissey, Siouxie Sioux, Ian Curtis and other post-punkers reimagined
as superheroes. Now I can't listen to "Love Will Tear Us Apart" without
yelling "BANG! POW! KA-BOOM!" --J.R.
Most Delayed Event: Lou Reed's induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The godfather of punk doesn't need any institutionalized recognition, but hey, it's always nice. -- E.S.Most Exciting/Confusing News: Mitt Romney is going to box Evander Holyfield. What? I'm still wondering if this is satire. -- E.S.
Most Brilliant Prank Call: This guy's call on C-SPAN in which he recited lyrics from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song instead of talking about the segment's topic: Congress' involvement in negotiations with Iran. God Bless this Man! -- T.Y.
Best New Song by an Artist Born During the Whitewater Scandal:
"Put Your Finger in the Socket," by 19-year-old Matt Jaffe and his SF-based band the Distractions. Classic songcraft, weird and compelling vox, formidable on-camera charm... this is the Elvis Costello / Tyler Oakley lovechild we've been waiting for.. -- J.R.
Photo by Nick RamseyChillest Lamb of the Week: This one! This little guy was spotted enjoying a casual lunch at Five Leaves in Greenpoint earlier this week. -- A.S.
Best Review of Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly Album: Taylor Swift's. The pop star loves her some Kendrick Lamar tunes so it's not surprising that she tweeted her review of his latest project, which dropped a week early. For the record: we feel the same way about the album, Taylor! -- T.Y.Best Entrance: Bill Murray's on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, complete with an all-girl mariachi band and a horse. Such gorgeous gams, too. --E.T.