Best Pizza Commercial of the Week: Tim & Eric's Totino's pizza spot, which is weird and amazing. While it's one of the only commercials we'd willingly watch, let's get real, people -- *gently whispers* you don't have to advertise pizza. As the greatest food of all time, it basically sells itself. -- Gabby Bess
We'll also take 5,000 of these so that we can eat all of our dainty, feminine pizzas on the go, thanks. -- Gabby Bess
Free-ist Nipples of the Week: Keira Knightley's. In a recent piece for Interview magazine, The Imitation Game actress protested photo-retouching by going topless, sans photoshop. The results are stunning and bad-ass. -- Adelle Brodbeck
Best Nicolas Cage-Themed Car Accessory: This one. It's amazing that no one has thought of this before, but we're so happy that the perfect car accessory is now in existence. -- AB [Uproxx] Cutest Kanye Moment Of The Week: This Vine of Kanye living it up with Theophilus London. This was a hard decision because every Kanye moment is pretty adorable, but, ultimately, a winner has to be chosen. Trust us, this clip will bring a smile to your face every time. Plus, it has the added bonus of an equally endearing and confused Kim Kardashian next to her man. -- Kyla Bills
Most "Marnie" Performance of the Week: Zosia Mamet's. Who knew that Shosh was actually a Marnie? The Girls star tried to be a rapper once, way back in the pre-Girls era of 2010. It's an enthralling performance, in the same way a car crash is enthralling. The video is like one giant, slow motion fall. -- KB
Most "PARKLIFE!" Celebrity: Russell Brand. Someone realized that his inane chatter -- however much you agree or disagree with it -- is way too similar to the jammering in Blur's music video for Parklife. And, of course, a mash-up ensued. -- KB
Best Bucket Hat of the Week: Drake's in the "DnF" music video. And seriously, Drake, get yourself some flip flops. -- GB Most Adorable Late Night Performance Of The Week: Bleachers took the stage at Conan, but let's be honest mini-Bleachers definitely stole the show/our hearts/the title of cutest late night performance in recent history. -- KB
Saddest Micro-Penis Story of the Week: New York magazine's interview with a self-loathing dude who never gets laid (because of his micro-penis, but perhaps it's also due to his personality?). Cue the world's saddest micro-violin. -- GB