Best Celebrity Pep Talk of the Week: Matthew McConaughey's. He gave an inspirational speech to the University of Texas Longhorns football team and beyond providing his usual words of wisdom, you can also see him teaching the team the chant from The Wolf of Wall Street. -- Emily McEnroe
Best Scientists of the Week: The five Swedish-based researchers who have a long-standing bet on who can insert the most Bob Dylan lyrics in their article titles. The Biological Role of Nitrate and Nitrite: The Times They Are a-Changin'. -- Gabby Bess
Weirdest Dog Centric Song Of The Week: The Dachshund Song. -- Kyla Bills
Best "It's About Time" Fashion Collab of the Week: Andrew Andrew's new eyewear collection. Our favorite bespectacled DJ duo teamed up with Target Optical on a line of eyewear inspired by their signature natty look. They celebrated the launch with a little fête earlier this week at The Lamb's Club. -- Abby SchreiberFirst-Ever Occasion to Google "Herman's Head": This one. In case you missed the early-nineties sitcom (or, judging by its credits, mid-eighties porno starring two Simpsons voice actors), the new Pixar movie, Inside Out, offers pretty much the same concept: emotions personified by cute mini-archetypes who live inside your skull. Again, it's Pixar, so your tiny inner-depressive will need his/her Lexapro. -- James Rickman
Best Bracket of the Week: America's Most Ugly Accent by Gawker. So far NYC is in the lead along Boston, Chicago, Scranton, Tallahassee, Philly and Pittsburgh. -- E.M.
Most Specific Ruling Pertaining To Pajamas From a Judge: Bethenny Frankel's ruling. The Real Housewife isn't allowed to wear her daughter's pajamas anymore. The question of why she was wearing her daughter's pajamas in the first place is still unanswered. -- K.B.
Best Excuse to "VIGOROUSLY TOUCH FLIPPERS": Speaking of The Simpsons, remember that episode where Krusty has to replace Itchy and Scratchy with "Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team, Worker and Parasite"? This couch gag, created by Don Hertzfeldt, is like that but about ten times more distuuuuuurbing. -- J.R.
Best Smooch of the Week: Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence's in their most recent film, Serena. -- E.M.
Best Excuse to Get out to Queens Next Weekend: The Astoria Art Festival, which will showcase work from Queens-based artists next weekend, starting Friday 10/10 and running through 10/19. The fest, which will be open to the public, will be held in a series of restaurants, bars and shop. For more info, go HERE. -- A.S.
Most David Lynch Way To Get Our Hopes Up: This tweet. But what does it MEAN?! -- K.B.Worst Song About Coachella and Ghosts that We Actually Kind of Like: Jaden Smith's 7-minute stream of consciousness track, "Blue Ocean." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. -- E.T.
Best One-Stop Shop for Bolshevism, Guns... and Laughter!: Big Dance Theater's Alan Smithee Directed This Play: Triple Feature. BDT is one of those local New York institutions that reminds you why you moved to this seething hellhole, and their new show is crammed with surprising and unforgettable moments. It's on through Saturday. -- J.R.
Art Video That Makes Me Most Intrigued But Uncomfortable: Chit Chat Roulette. -- K.B.