Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviewed a bunch of those off-brand Times Square mascots and it's perfect. "I'm standing in the middle of New York City, where 7th Avenue meets conjunctivitis." [Conan]
Someone who hates us all made an hour-long supercut of every Tim Allen grunt on Home Improvement slowed down at 25% speed. [Uproxx]
In other news, BJ Novak is your new boyfriend. [Uproxx]
*Screams into the black abyss.* [TheClearlyDope] 
Yes, go on? [Mlkshk]
Meet Acer, the dwarf miniature horse. He's only 22 inches tall, is BFFs with a dog and likes to go to the pub. What a cool guy! [TastefullyOffensive]