Many assume the gym is a place to exercise. A facility designed to help one strengthen their muscles and keep in shape. Well, yeah, sure. But more importantly, the gym serves as the ultimate location to feast your eyes on other gay men. In between rows of treadmills and bench presses are homosexuals flexing their bodies, wearing revealing clothing, and generally strutting around while acting aloof. The array of guys can be overwhelming, and in such large numbers, down right dizzying. To help you get the best eyeball workout you've ever had, I've decided to let you in on an easy way to find your potential husbands; analyzing what they wear! Here you'll find a breakdown of the classic gay types' preferred gym uniform.
The Chelsea Queen: "Girl, that Adele remix is turning me out!"
Hat: None. Prefers styled, product groomed hair.
Tops: Tankini or tank top.
Bottoms: Mesh, tights, spandex shorts, anything that hugs the booty.
Shoes: Fruit boots (Fruit boots are high tops in garish colors that have zero athletic function.) Underneath: Teeny-tiny Calvin Klein briefs.
The Disco Bear: "Are you going to Pines Party this year? See you at the Eagle later tonight."
Hat: Rarely, usually just a buzz cut.
Top: Sleeveless T-shirt, vintage, revealing massive biceps and very hairy forearms.
Shorts: Camo cargo shorts, or comfy-looking sweatpants in colder months.
Shoes: Converse high tops.
Underneath: Tighty-whities, occasionally the good ol' jockstrap.
The Jock: "Did you row crew at Brown?"
Hat: Sports team or athletic brand, backwards or forwards
Tops: Worn in plain T-shirt, just snug enough to see the outline of his pecs.
Bottoms: Nike mesh, cut at the knee.
Shoes: Running shoes, actually designed for sport.
Underneath: Under Armor compression shorts.... wait, maybe he's just straight.
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