Most Earnest Use of the Name "Sarah": Max, who says (while falling out of his kayak), "SARAH, IT's TOO DEEP." -- Justin Moran
Most Questionable Styling Job of the Week: Whoever styled Downton Abbey's Jessica Brown Findlay for the cover of Tatler. The Fug Girls said it best: Lady Sybil looks like Ashlee Simpson!! -- Abby Schreiber
Most "Ugh" Performance Art Piece: "Save the Date" by Mischa Badasyan. The 26-year-old performance artist announced that he'd be having sex with a different person every day for an entire year to provoke questions about today's hook-up culture. 365 people? Sounds exhausting. -- J.M.
Best Way to Pick Up a Microphone: Like FKA Twigs at her recent show at Webster Hall. In fact, this is how we pick up everything. When we drop a bar of soap in the shower, we immediately do this dance -- no audience needed. -- J.M.
Most Exciting Return to Music: Kindness. After a long two-year break from music, the British singer announced he'll be releasing a sophomore album called Otherness and gave us a teaser with the Kelela-assisted track, "World Restart." It sounds like a b-side theme song for Full House or The Cosby Show, which in other words, means it's awesome. -- J.M.
Best Fashion Moment of the Week: Daphne Guinness' "Evening in Space." A lotta singers loved space themes this week, but Guinness singlehandedly blew her competition away. Never compete with a style icon. -- J.M.
Most Cuckoo Crazy Beyoncé-Jay Z Gossip of the Week: This item about a woman filing a maternity suit against the Carters, claiming Blue Ivy is her daughter. -- A.S.