Kim Kardashian's New Game Is a No-Brainer

Kim Kardashian's new game for the App Store seems to be simultaneously designed for children, and also teaching the worst lessons a child could possibly learn about interpersonal relationships, aspirations, and gender roles. It's like Grand Theft Auto except less engaging, and you use female charm and name-dropping to gain points rather than murdering people. It's not that anyone was expecting Kim Kardashian's game to be a modern exploration of female agency, but it's a cornucopia of problematic messages. For example, why does the game keep prompting me to change my nose/eyes/lips/outfit every five minutes? Isn't there some kind of a plastic surgery limit? Also, why is Kim K so coercive? When do I get to meet Kanye? Why do I get cash just for clicking on a pigeon? That's very misleading. Check out some bizarre snapshots below:

I was just trying to do my job, selling clothes at So Chic Boutique, and in walks Kim K just when I was locking the store. Not only does she make me let her in, but I have no option but to (Insist.) on giving her clothes from the store for free. I could have been fired.

I kept checking my "achievements" tab and was disappointed that I continued to have no achievements. But hey, at least I'm stunningly attractive.

My character seems to have no idea what's going on...ever. It's as if she landed onto the streets of Beverly Hills straight from the womb.

Just when I was losing all faith in the game, I get hit on by a female engineer. While I still resent the fact that my only real options when talking to any stranger in a bar are "network" or "flirt" (where is "run in the opposite direction"?), I must concede that this is pretty progressive. 
 
Some sage advice from an older man to "Keep your head down...or wherever the photographers want it," which is a perfect message for the young girls likely playing this game. If you need us, we'll be sitting in a darkened room drinking whiskey for the rest of the day.