All other Christmas cards can go to hell. [via Pleated Jeans]
New favorite time waster alert: Kanye vs Creative Director, a game where you try to guess if a douche-tastic quote was said by Yeezus or your 50-something boss who wears a lot of Paul Smith and just bought his first pair of Warby Parker glasses. [via Kanye vs Creative]
Here's Michelle Obama wrangling Sunny after the pooch got too frisky and knocked over a young visitor to the White House. Sunny is definitely sorry/not sorry. [via Hypervocal/AP Photo/Charles Dharapak]ICYMI: Ron Burgundy continued his Tour of Ubiquity by going on SportsCenter and interviewing Peyton Manning. For what it's worth, Manning seems about as interesting a conversationalist as a baked potato. [via ESPN]
Keira Knightley recycled her wedding dress, wearing it to an event the other night. Damn girl, you're one more wear out of that dress before you get your own TLC show right between Say Yes to the Dress and Coupon Queens. [via HuffPo/Image via Getty]
A.K.A. South America according to our dumb-ass prejudices and little-to-know geographical knowledge. In other news, nailed it. [via F Yeah Dementia]
Please interrupt whatever you're doing and behold Joe Manganiello's junior high basketball photo. Rat tail alert! [via Dlisted]
Behold, Bill Clinton's doodles from while he was still president, hacked by an organization named Guccifer. [via Gawker]Improv Everywhere recreated the classic "tongue stuck on a pole scene" from A Christmas Story on a New York City subway. In case you're curious, yes, thank the effin' OCD lord that the kid's tongue is a prosthetic. [via HuffPo]
Benedict Cumberbatch went on Jimmy Kimmel last night and recited the lyrics to R. Kelly's Black Panties track, "Genius." It'll give you chills. [via Gawker]
"Douchebag Plants." [via Coin Farts]