ICYMI: Here's an amazing video of a man named Jason Mortensen coming to after having surgery and realizing that he's married to a beautiful woman. Heart explosion. [Gawker]
Bill De Blasio, who won last night's Democratic primary, has an awesome family. That is all. [Via Buzzfeed]
Anthony Weiner, who ate shit in the election last night, was chased through a McDonald's by the equally pathetic Sydney Leathers (who has brand new implants), after she showed up to Weiner's "victory party." He fled into an alley. [Gawker]
"Bey with a Pearl Earring" by Jay-zness Vermeer. [The Carter Family Portrait Gallery via Uproxx] 
Scray! [LaughterKey]The 'before' parts of infomercials set to the Smiths' "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" is poignant, powerful. [Mlkshk]
So thoughtful. [RatsOff]
Flip a photo of bats hanging upside down and you get Butch-Queen Bats Up in Pumps realness! [MlkShk]
Colonel Sanders, Alice Cooper, head explosion. [