Give These 5 Douche-Bags Another Chance

When I first saw the preview for Mr. Selfridge on PBS' Masterpiece, I was torn. I love me some historical drama on PBS -- nobody whips up an addictive period drama like the British and Selfridges is still one of my favorite department stores in the universe -- but, insert sad trombone sound effect here, the show's lead is Jeremy Piven. I was going to have to deal with his smug mug being all up in my flat screen for weeks. The Entourage star, who made headlines for withdrawing from the Broadway show he starred in due to "Mercury poisoning" from tainted sushi, has always struck me as a bit of a douche-bag. And when I say 'a bit' of a douche-bag, I mean a complete and total douche-bag. (Obviously I'm not alone here, either.) Still, my love for historical dramas, shopping and the pseudointellectual thrill I get watching sophisticated programming like PBS made me give Mr. Piven a chance as Mr. Selfridge. And lo and behold, Mr. Piven actually captured Mr. Selfridge's larger-than-life magic! Although I'm not 100% sold on his acting genius, by the end of episode 3 I had decided that I might be wrong about him. Maybe I just thought he was a douche because he so convincingly played one in the past, or maybe he really was one and has quietly re-rehabilitated on a wellness ranch for douches in South Dakota. I can now admit that I was wrong to write him off as a an untalented gas bag. 

Proud of the realization that you can't judge a douche by its cover, I've decided to make a list of high-profile people I've previously written off as dastardly D-Bags and give them each another chance to prove me wrong.


1. John Galliano
Yes, going on an antisemitic rant was more evil than your typical douche-baggery, but he's met with top Jewish leaders and the Anti-Defamtion League's Abe Foxman says the fallen fashion star deserves a break. I agree.


2. George W. Bush
Anyone who does a self-portrait consisting of his feet poking out of the bathtub can't be all bad -- Iraq War notwithstanding.


3. Naomi Campbell
I know if you've ever worked as her assistant you won't agree with this, but I say we give the former super model another chance. The poor thing has no hair!


4. Reese Witherspoon
Her outrageously entitled antics when her main squeeze was stopped for drunk driving were gross but amusing. Since it's her first foray into public douchery, I say we let it slide.


5. Brody Jenner
I know he hasn't done anything to make us reconsider his douchiness, but he's so hot. That must count for something.