In this weekly column, MC/DJ Hesta Prynn pairs pop culture stories with an original playlist.
It's hard not to feel like a giant dork when all you want to talk about is Game of Thrones. The combinations of girl groups that you could make from the characters on this show are limitness and amazing. In honor of my new obsession, this week's Five n Five pairs the fierce women of Westeros with the songs of another ferocious girl group: TLC.
Daenerys Targaryen: "No Scrubs"
Possibly the baddest bit*h in HBO history. If there were ever a contender to overthrow the Lannisters it's definitely her. Can be seen: eating raw animal hearts, mothering dragons, commanding badass armies. She definitely "can't get with a deadbeat ass."
Ygritte: "Ain't Too Proud to Beg"
The Oberlin College Third-Wave Feminist of Westeros. Ygritte is a modern wildling who doesn't need Jon Snow but wants him anyway. Can be seen: wearing animal skins, scaling mountains, referring to oral sex (twice). In other words, "The realism of reality treats us both the same, 'Cause satisfaction is the name of this game."
Margaery Tyrell: "Creep"
The sleeper hit of the female characters, and certainly the smartest. Margaery is not afraid to play dominatrix if it helps her cause. Can be seen: wearing low-cut gowns, being an LGBT ally, marrying kings. As she might say, "I creep yeah, cuz he doesn't know what I do."
Cersei Lannister: "Waterfalls"
The worst in Westeros, responsible for raising a total psycho and starting a war. Can be seen: being smoking hot, sleeping with her brother, sneering excessively. Or: "A lonely mother gazing out of the window, staring at her son that she just can't touch."
Arya Stark: "Hat to the Back"
The Left Eye of Game of Thrones. Possibly the only female character we haven't seen naked. Can be seen: wielding a tiny sword, plotting people's deaths, being cooler than you. "Being that I am the kinda girl that I am nobody can make me do what I don't want to."