Ask Mr. Mickey

Hmm. SDS... That sounds vaguely familiar -- like something radical. It also sounds like some newfangled disease like carpal tunnel or restless leg syndrome. Let's put on a fundraiser for it! And we can ask your boy Harry to be our celebrity co-chair! We'll make up some hoo-hah about how SDS stands for Sondheim Disassociation Syndrome, a virus that attacks the area in the brain that stores lyric memorization thus rendering its victims unable to remember Sondheim's complex lyrical structures. Local productions of Follies, Sweeney Todd and Pacific Overtures have been absolutely decimated by this disease. Harry will hop onboard in no time. We can bamboozle a hotel to give us their ballroom; wrangle a bunch of Broadway luminaries, socialites and hipsters to be on the host committee; and have amazing items up for grabs at a silent auction, like going to a yoga class with Bernadette Peters or a tap dance date with Hugh Jackman. Oh, it will be epic. On the evening of the fundraiser, you'll wear a borrowed dress from some major designer like Prabal Gurung. Something devastatingly chic but slightly slutty in a very high-class way. You'll visit Harry in his dressing room after the event and tell him you don't know how you'll ever thank him for all he's done to combat this evil blight SDS. We'll have Prabal fix the dress so it has Velcro closures and can be ripped off easily. Suddenly, whoosh, you're standing before Harry fully nude. "The only thing I have to offer as thanks... is my virtue," you'll say as you straddle him for a lap dance. How can he refuse your offer of gratitude? 

Mr. Mickey knows what you're thinking. Isn't this a lot of work, not to mention deception, just to get into the underpants of a Broadway (and sometime TV) star? Well, Sally, if you want to bone the big stars, you gotta bring out the big guns. Now you get out there and make the magic happen! Do it for Sondheim!