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Ask Mr. Mickey

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Above: Mr. Mickey's Look of the Month features the many faces of Beck as seen in photographer Autumn De Wilde's new book, appropriately titled Beck (Chronicle).

Dear Mr. Mickey, 
My look is a little provocative, even in the workplace. I recently started dating a very straight-laced, Ivy Leaguer and I feel out of place when I'm with him and his friends. How can I get a "smarter" look without giving up my sexiness? 
Signed,
Slutty but Sweet 

Dear SbutS
There is only one way to assure you'll always look intellectual and respectable. Wear glasses.

Dear Mr. Mickey, 
So the other night I was hanging out at Sardi's, and in walks Harry Connick Jr. I went up to tell him how excited I was to see him in the new revival of On a Clear Day You Can See Forever. We got to talking, and he gave me his email. What do I do now? I'm envisioning us becoming immediate besties, but I don't want to seem like a stalker! 
Sincerely, 
Stage Door Sally 

Dear SDS, 
Hmm. SDS... That sounds vaguely familiar -- like something radical. It also sounds like some newfangled disease like carpal tunnel or restless leg syndrome. Let's put on a fundraiser for it! And we can ask your boy Harry to be our celebrity co-chair! We'll make up some hoo-hah about how SDS stands for Sondheim Disassociation Syndrome, a virus that attacks the area in the brain that stores lyric memorization thus rendering its victims unable to remember Sondheim's complex lyrical structures. Local productions of Follies, Sweeney Todd and Pacific Overtures have been absolutely decimated by this disease. Harry will hop onboard in no time. We can bamboozle a hotel to give us their ballroom; wrangle a bunch of Broadway luminaries, socialites and hipsters to be on the host committee; and have amazing items up for grabs at a silent auction, like going to a yoga class with Bernadette Peters or a tap dance date with Hugh Jackman. Oh, it will be epic. On the evening of the fundraiser, you'll wear a borrowed dress from some major designer like Prabal Gurung. Something devastatingly chic but slightly slutty in a very high-class way. You'll visit Harry in his dressing room after the event and tell him you don't know how you'll ever thank him for all he's done to combat this evil blight SDS. We'll have Prabal fix the dress so it has Velcro closures and can be ripped off easily. Suddenly, whoosh, you're standing before Harry fully nude. "The only thing I have to offer as thanks... is my virtue," you'll say as you straddle him for a lap dance. How can he refuse your offer of gratitude? 

Mr. Mickey knows what you're thinking. Isn't this a lot of work, not to mention deception, just to get into the underpants of a Broadway (and sometime TV) star? Well, Sally, if you want to bone the big stars, you gotta bring out the big guns. Now you get out there and make the magic happen! Do it for Sondheim! 

Dear Mr. Mickey, 
I still sleep with a teddy bear. Do you think this is a little strange? I don't want to give up my plushie bedmate but I'm worried a human one will be weirded out. 
Signed, 
UnBearable 

Dear UB,
Have you ever read this column before? We just suggested that someone get Prabal Gurung to attach Velcro closures to a dress so that an oversexed Stage Door Sally can rip it off for Harry Connick Jr. Do you really think that we'll judge you for sleeping with a teddy bear? 

The big question is: What kind of a teddy bear do you sleep with? Is it from Build-a-Bear workshop or the Annette Funicello Bear Company (an ol' favorite of MM's)? Is it an antique little number you picked up at the flea market in Budapest or Istanbul? 

If you insist on sleeping with a stuffed animal, Mr. Mickey wants to be sure you're sleeping with the cutest most up-to-date little bugger you can find! It's fine for people to think you're a plushie (a person who likes to have sex with stuffed animals) or that you're into infantilism, but it's definitely not okay for people to think you have bad taste or are un-hip! 




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