In this weekly column, MC/DJ Hesta Prynn pairs pop culture stories with an original playlist.
Imagine a world where a one-shoulder leopard-print dress is appropriate attire for a five-year-old's birthday party; where new "face work" is an acceptable reason for a party; where women screaming at each other while dressed as Tina Turner circa 1985 is just a typical Friday night. That world exists, and it is the world of the Real Housewives. As we move through the cycle from ATL back to the OC, another over-the-top female performer prepares to debut new music at next weekend's Coachella Festival. This week's Five 'n' Five pairs the music of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs with the casts of the RHs.
1. Atlanta - "Phenomena"
If demanding that your friends show up to your party in costume and then having one forcibly removed for dressing like Halle Berry from Introducing Dorothy Dandridge instead of Halle Berry from B*A*P*S is wrong, then I don't want to be right. What I know for sure: Nene Leakes is more Grace Jones than Grace Jones.
2. Beverly Hills - "Gold Lion"
On this week's reunion show, David Foster's fourth wife explained that she "lives on a budget" moments before declaring that she'd "rather stay home than fly coach." "Gold Lion" would be Adrienne Maloof's MC name, obviously.
3. New Jersey - "Date with the Night"
Back in the day, Karen O was known for acting crazy and pouring drinks all over herself. Back in the day, Teresa Giudice was known for acting crazy and pouring drinks all over other people. This is the show that gave us table-flipping and such gems as "Prostitution whore!" and "Let me tell you something about my fam-bily!"
4. NYC - "Heads Will Roll"
No matter how safe you think your job is, if you shit-talk Bethenny Frankel you will find yourself out of work, replaced by a one-legged psychopath or the woman responsible for bringing House of Dereon to the masses. Think before you speak: there is no job security in the world of the Real Housewives.
5. The OC - "Sacrilege"
Orange County is the kind of place where you may find yourself dating a man with a name like "Brooks" or "Slade." You may find yourself attending a black-tie affair from which a woman is tossed for eating a piece of the bow on another woman's "Name Cake." You may find yourself swinging from a vine in Costa Rica while screaming "My Love Tank Is Full!" and you may ask yourself, "How did I get here?" To leave this all behind would be sacrilege.
Karen O photo by Jim Baldwin on Flickr; Teresa Giudice photo © Patrick McMullan Company