It's been far too long since our thoughts have turned to Kath and Dave's dog-parenting, Toni and Candace's bathroom policy, or Lance and Nina's safe words so thank god(dess) that Portlandia's third season premieres tomorrow. There's been a lot of scuttlebutt about what celebrities and musicians Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein have lined up this go-round (following the likes of Aimee Mann, St. Vincent, Steve Buscemi, Kristen Wiig, Miranda July, Tim Robbins, Andy Samberg and Eddie Vedder -- to name but a few) so we've done some digging and have come up with a guide to whom you can expect to see next in the City of Roses. And, if the information below feels like it contains too many season three spoilers, just (telepathically) shout "cacao" and we'll stop.
New Guest Stars
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Chloë Sevigny will play Fred and Carrie's third roommate who, we hear, may cause some tension in their living arrangement (and get her picture taken by the Mayor, apparently). [Photo via IFC]
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Roseanne Barr will take over the mayor's office after Kyle MacLachlan's goes missing (again). Fred Armisen told EW of her two-episode arc:
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On the recent winter special, which aired last month, comedians Jim Gaffigan and Matt Lucas (Bridesmaids, Little Britain) played a bearish couple who own a fledgling stew shack called Stu's Stews (Featuring Donald).
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Actress Rose Byrne will play Fred's love interest.
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Also on the winter special was SNL's Bobby Moynihan, who added another layer to feminist bookstore co-owner Candace (Armisen) when he appeared as her son, asking his mom and her colleague Toni (Brownstein) to watch his newborn baby and demurring when the Women & Women First gals pressure him into buying a vagina pillow.
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Comedian Patton Oswalt will play an elusive Evite user whose fake RSVPs have become legendary among the electronic invitation circuit.
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Juliette Lewis is reportedly appearing as someone's cuckoo ex-girlfriend (here's hoping she used to date Brownstein's Lance).
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MTV All-Stars Kurt Loder, Tabitha Soren and Matt Pinfield will play themselves in a sketch that features righteous bike messenger Spyke (Armisen) and his better half Iris (Brownstein) recruiting the VJs to stage a takeover of MTV and to bring back music programming to the station's airwaves. [Photo via Vulture]
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Jack White made a cryptic appearance in the winter special, arriving to a home recording studio owned by a vintage music gear-obsessed character played by Armisen. (Ed note: This overall scene is pretty great and we highly recommend you watch it below.)
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No Doubt have a fun little cameo playing themselves after they're hired by Brownstein's butch biker dude, Lance, to perform for his girlfriend Nina on her birthday.
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SNL writer, PAPER Beautiful Person and closet smoocher Mike O'Brien and actress Maria Thayer (who plays Susie on Adult Swim's Walker,Texas Ranger spoof Eagleheart and Jack McBrayer's amorous wife in Forgetting Sarah Marshall) will play a young couple who are prepared to go into debt in order to attend an outlandish birthday party, hosted by the aformentioned Nina.
We also hear Bill Hader, the Dirty Projectors, Dinosaur Jr's J Mascis, George Wendt, and tennis champ Martina Navratilova will be heading out (North) West but you'll have to watch season three to find out their roles and where they fit in on the Portlandia spectrum.
Returning Guest Stars
Kyle MacLachlan and Jeff Goldblum are returning as the WASP-gone-weird mayor and (we assume) the eccentric owner of an artisanal knot store, respectively. Comedian Kumail Nanjiani will also be back, this time forgoing his role as a waiter at Around the World in 80 Plates for an equally maddening bank employee character who helps Mike O'Brien and Maria Thayer's couple take out a "birthday loan."
And, in case you missed the winter special last month, below are a few choice clips featuring cameos by Bobby Moynihan and Jack White. Also head over to Eater to watch Jim Gaffigan and Matt Lucas play the hirsute stew-slinging couple.
Bottom line? We can't wait for season three.
Jack White in "The Studio"
New Guest Stars
Chloë Sevigny will play Fred and Carrie's third roommate who, we hear, may cause some tension in their living arrangement (and get her picture taken by the Mayor, apparently). [Photo via IFC]
Roseanne Barr will take over the mayor's office after Kyle MacLachlan's goes missing (again). Fred Armisen told EW of her two-episode arc:Through a temp agency, [Barr] fills in as mayor...She does things in the most efficient way. Because the character didn't grow up in Portland, she doesn't have the same understanding of how things go. She's more like, 'Look, this is a city, so we have to do those things that cities do.' We wanted an outsider to come in and say, 'What is this place?'[Photo by Frank Di Marco via EW]
On the recent winter special, which aired last month, comedians Jim Gaffigan and Matt Lucas (Bridesmaids, Little Britain) played a bearish couple who own a fledgling stew shack called Stu's Stews (Featuring Donald). 
Actress Rose Byrne will play Fred's love interest.
Also on the winter special was SNL's Bobby Moynihan, who added another layer to feminist bookstore co-owner Candace (Armisen) when he appeared as her son, asking his mom and her colleague Toni (Brownstein) to watch his newborn baby and demurring when the Women & Women First gals pressure him into buying a vagina pillow.
Comedian Patton Oswalt will play an elusive Evite user whose fake RSVPs have become legendary among the electronic invitation circuit.
Juliette Lewis is reportedly appearing as someone's cuckoo ex-girlfriend (here's hoping she used to date Brownstein's Lance). 
MTV All-Stars Kurt Loder, Tabitha Soren and Matt Pinfield will play themselves in a sketch that features righteous bike messenger Spyke (Armisen) and his better half Iris (Brownstein) recruiting the VJs to stage a takeover of MTV and to bring back music programming to the station's airwaves. [Photo via Vulture]
Jack White made a cryptic appearance in the winter special, arriving to a home recording studio owned by a vintage music gear-obsessed character played by Armisen. (Ed note: This overall scene is pretty great and we highly recommend you watch it below.) 
No Doubt have a fun little cameo playing themselves after they're hired by Brownstein's butch biker dude, Lance, to perform for his girlfriend Nina on her birthday.
SNL writer, PAPER Beautiful Person and closet smoocher Mike O'Brien and actress Maria Thayer (who plays Susie on Adult Swim's Walker,Texas Ranger spoof Eagleheart and Jack McBrayer's amorous wife in Forgetting Sarah Marshall) will play a young couple who are prepared to go into debt in order to attend an outlandish birthday party, hosted by the aformentioned Nina.We also hear Bill Hader, the Dirty Projectors, Dinosaur Jr's J Mascis, George Wendt, and tennis champ Martina Navratilova will be heading out (North) West but you'll have to watch season three to find out their roles and where they fit in on the Portlandia spectrum.
Returning Guest Stars
Kyle MacLachlan and Jeff Goldblum are returning as the WASP-gone-weird mayor and (we assume) the eccentric owner of an artisanal knot store, respectively. Comedian Kumail Nanjiani will also be back, this time forgoing his role as a waiter at Around the World in 80 Plates for an equally maddening bank employee character who helps Mike O'Brien and Maria Thayer's couple take out a "birthday loan."
And, in case you missed the winter special last month, below are a few choice clips featuring cameos by Bobby Moynihan and Jack White. Also head over to Eater to watch Jim Gaffigan and Matt Lucas play the hirsute stew-slinging couple.
Bottom line? We can't wait for season three.
Jack White in "The Studio"