The Top 15 Celebrity Bulges of 2012

We barely know who Thom Evans is -- a former rugby star, as it turns out -- or what he does now, but that doesn't stop us from appreciating his physique on the cover of Attitude magazine.  

 We're pretty sure that Henry Cavill is wearing a cup of some sort, but still: he can be our Man of Steel any day.  

Kris Humphries isn't really our cup of tea -- he seems like kind of a dick. And speaking of dick, Humphries' underwear spread in West East magazine isn't too shabby.  

On the one hand, David Beckham is fucking hot. On the other hand, we've seen Beckham's body many, many times at this point and there's something a tad sterile about these ads, so we're not feeling it as much as we maybe would in, say, 2010.  

This one might be a bit of -- ahem -- a stretch. But we've always had a slightly embarrassing crush on Matthew Morrison and we're, how shall we say...happy to see this?  

9. Milo Ventimiglia 

Sadly, this is the only bulge-related GIF in this post! As the folks at World of Wonder so aptly put it, the only reason to see the train-wreck that is Adam Sandler's That's My Boy is Milo Ventimiglia hopping around in his skivvies. And thanks to us, now you don't have to see it.  

8. Mark Whalberg
We're used to seeing Marky Mark's funky bunch from his Calvin Klein days, but here he is looking much bigger, in every sense, for his film upcoming film Pain and Gain.

Believe it or not, Andrew Garfield and the costume designers tried hard to make sure his naughty bits weren't the main focus when he put on the Spidey suit. That's kind of a shame, but at least they didn't go 100% 'Ken Doll' with it. He gets a big bump up from Cavill's Superman because that looks like the real thing and supposedly he really was butt booty naked under his suit. (Side note: he apparently laughed and blushed when asked about this which only makes us like him more.) 

Shemar Moore, known for his role on the procedural drama Criminal Minds, apparently loves going to Miami and romping in his bathing suit. To quote Emma Stone's character in Crazy, Stupid, Love.: "F***! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!"  

Confession: we didn't know who Olly Murs was before a few weeks ago. He's big in the UK -- he has several No. 1 hits -- but seems to be widely known packing trouser heat. When asked about his bulge, he straight up told SugarScape that it's 13cm long (or just above 5"). We dig the honesty.  

4. Zac Efron 
The one, the only. Jon Hamm isn't the only one who made the bulge high profile in 2012, but we would argue that he did more for it than any single person. The different situations in which he 'accidentally' bared all -- in suits on the red carpet, casually hanging around NYC -- and the sheer number of times (about a million) that we saw Jon's pants ham mean two things: that he needs more supportive underwear, and that he probably ran out of fucks to give. Gold stars all around.  
 

1. Everyone in the Olympics
In our humble opinion, the Olympics has to take the cake for #1 groin-watching-influencer in 2012. The swimmers and divers just standing around (case-in-point, Ryan Lochte and Tom Daley), the entire French Olympic swimming team posing for an underwear ad, the debated maybe-erection of US rower Henrik Hummel, the sexting trysts of US gymast Danell Leyva, and the general strut of Swedish decathlon runner Björn Barrefors are just the tip of the penis-shaped iceberg. More than any event, the Olympics gave us ample bulge to gawk at, and made male package skyrocket to the front and center of the airwaves and our general peen-obsessed consciousness.