Quantcast
Channel: Paper RSS Feed
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 7783

Now That The Election's Over, Here's How Nate Silver Should Bask In His Glory

0
0
If anyone deserves a much needed vacation, a Retta-style "treat yo' self" spree or just some chill time, it's Nate Silver. After correctly -- and amazingly -- predicting 100% of the electoral outcomes this election, the statistics guru has the right to do anything he wants. Below, we've made some helpful suggestions about how Silver should bask in his newfound glory. And, as a nod to the mathematician, we've even 'calculated' some statistics to assess each suggestion's probability of fun. Check them out below:

Buy a new pair of glasses
Screen shot 2012-11-08 at 4.29.25 PM.pngNow that he's an election celebrity (and geek heartthrob), Silver should take a cue from Tom Brokaw and head to Warby Parker for a new pair of specs. Shopping's pretty fun in and of itself but there's typically no instant gratification when you're shopping for glasses (since they have to make your prescription lenses and whatnot).
Statistical Probability of Fun: 47% 

Resuscitate Burrito Bracket
Screen shot 2012-11-08 at 4.44.43 PM.pngBefore he became an Internet meme, before he was accused of possibly being a witch, and before he started predicting elections, Silver was a humble man on a humble quest: to find the best burrito. Or, rather, to find the best burrito in his former Chicago neighborhood of Wicker Park. We think it's a minor travesty that his noble mission was interrupted by so-called "real-life work" and we'd like Silver to revive the contest and crown a winner in the Windy City. And, hell, he should launch a 2.0 Brooklyn Burrito Bracket since NYC is famously mediocre at providing authentic Mexican food. As for the probability score, it comes down to two things: eating burritos is super fun but massive heartburn, on the other hand, is not.
Statistical Probability of Fun: 73%

Send a big "Ha Ha Ha" to the douches at UnSkewed Polls
i-told-you-so1.jpgAfter questioning his methods (and using deeply inappropriate personal attacks), UnSkewed Polls deserves a big "FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS" from Silver. That said, getting the last laugh is always ego-boosting but wasting your time on scummy, homophobic freaks is less so.
Statistical Probability of Fun: 69.7%

Buy a first class ticket to Sun City, South Africa

Screen shot 2012-11-08 at 4.08.40 PM.pngAside from crunching election numbers and creating burrito tournaments, Silver's also a poker whiz. Given his hobby (and former professional pursuit), we think the next time he goes on vacay, he should ditch Vegas, Monaco or Macao in favor of Sun City, a massive (and slightly terrifying) fantasy world casino in the middle of the South African savannah. All the usual gambling suspects are offered and, if Lady Luck is not on his side, Silver can always hitch a safari ride and track the super-rare, Red-Faced Rove from the Giant Douche Gorilla family.
Statistical Probability of Fun: 84.3%

Spend a day in his underwear eating Wheat Thins and peanut butter out of the jar and watching all six seasons of Num3ers.
Screen shot 2012-11-08 at 5.12.49 PM.pngThis is never not fun.
Statistical Probability of Fun: 100%







Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 7783

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images