10 Sublimely Stupid Movie Monsters To Watch For Halloween

October 31, 2015, 7:15 am

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Kids today know there are monsters in the world; they get it from TV, movies, and the news that there are creeps out there just itching to help them land their faces on milk cartons.

Obviously, there's something refreshing about children not spending their entire youths drowning in fear and paranoia from realistic horrors portrayed in the media.

This came to me after remembering when I showed my sister's son, Griffin, a movie called The Giant Claw when he was about 10.

He convulsed in laughter at the sight of the hokey monster.
 
"You mean they were serious when they made this?" he asked me, incredulous.

"Oh my, yes..."  I replied, and then we both howled at the sight of this preposterous creature and the poor actors feigning fright.

Here are my choices for the top 10 most idiotic, sublimely stupid, monsters in film history.

1. The Giant Claw (1957): This laugh riot is about a giant bird from outer space attacking New York, and stars Jeff Morrow (This Island Earth) who, in an interview with film historian Tom Weaver, said he only got to see the finished monster (a Sesame Street  Big Bird look-a-like marionette) at the premiere. He promptly sunk in his seat, mortified. But, of course, the rest of us jumped for joy.


2. The Creeping Terror (1964): A giant killer throw rug attacks Lake Tahoe. The movie is all voice-over narration (the soundtrack was purportedly lost). The alien creature looks just like a 1950s bath mat left out in the rain. If you watch carefully, you can see the sneakers of the film crew under the "Terror".

3. From Hell It Came (1957):My personal favorite: "Tabanga," a possessed, killer tree stump with the spirit of a murdered South Sea native, takes revenge by slowly carrying his enemies over to dump into quicksand.


4. It Conquered The World (1956): A Roger Corman-directed cheapie about a monster from Venus, holed up in a cave which sends out bat-like creatures that turn you into its slaves. The beast looks like half a cucumber with big teeth and crab-like arms, and when B-movie fave Beverly Garland has an angry confrontation with it at the end, you will fall off your couch laughing.


5. The Alligator People (1959): Beverly Garland (again!) travels to Louisiana to find her missing husband, only to discover that a mad scientist has turned him into an alligator man. It also stars Lon Chaney as a hate-crazed, hook-handed, Cajun. The last 15 minutes with a shrieking Garland being chased by her gator-mate through the swamp is riotously funny.

6. Robot Monster (1953): Notorious 3D movie about an alien invader sent to destroy earth called Ro-Man (actually a man in a gorilla suit with a diving helmet on his head). This legendary stinker was directed by Phil Tucker, who allegedly attempted suicide after the movie's disastrous opening.


7. The Mighty Gorga (1969): There have been plenty of lousy King Kong rip-offs, but this one takes the cake. A circus owner (Anthony Eisley) travels to a lost tribe who worship a giant ape named "Gorga". There are plastic dinosaur attacks, and Gorga's eyes are clearly painted on, which adds to the pleasure.

8. Frankenstein's Daughter (1958): Another teenage monster rip-off from master schlockmeister Richard E. Cunha (Missile To The Moon/She Demons). A California girl is transformed into a hideous monster by Dr. Frankenstein's grandson, Oliver (Donald Murphy). The early scenes with the snaggle-toothed lady monster is played by Sandra Knight, but the later scenes are played by a big, burly stunt man with what looks like a bucket on his head.

9. Horror Of Party Beach (1964): Classic beach party movie with sea creatures caused by nuclear waste, filmed in Connecticut. The monsters look like Black Lagoon-wannabes but with rows of hot dogs sticking out of their mouths. The Del-Aires perform "The Zombie Stomp," while teens frug wildly and become food for the monsters.

10. The Killer Shrews (1959):I have the original poster framed in my living room--a hairy animal tail and a bloody high-heel shoe- which promised "rodentacular horrors." The real film is about a bunch of people who get stranded on an island overrun with a mad doctor's experiments on "shrews." They're quite obviously packs of dogs with masks on. Shrewtastic!

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Black on Black: A Look At The Contemporary Goth Fashion Scene

October 31, 2015, 8:49 am

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For many years, goths had a limited amount of places to purchase their darkwear. Hot Topic and Lip Service were the only two places that sold affordable, basic clothing for weirdos who needed to dance to Ministry on the weekends. But in 2015, goths have an amazing world of beautiful designer clothing that exists on the fringes of fashion - a place that mirrors their standing within culture as a whole. 

This world of witchy wear is far enough away from the mainstream that it has not been diluted by concepts like seasonal trends or commercialism, offering spooky consumers an opportunity to invest in handmade works of art. Dark fashion has even evolved beyond the classic oversized blazer and creepers combo: today, motifs include waterfall hemlines and cascading geometrical drapes. Modern goth is a style that is clearly indebted to the work of Rick Owens and Comme des Garcons. 

But by being given its own cultural space to flourish (mainly Instagram), it has combined with Western magical traditions and Victorian romanticism to create an aesthetic that is wholly its own. And while this community has a long way to go in terms of racial, gender, and body diversity, it is run mainly by women for women, and many of these designers collaborate with each other on a regular basis. Here, we've highlighted 10 clothing and accessory designers who are refining the notions of dark clothing for dark souls.
 

●      When witch house dominated internet subculture in the waning aughts, dozens of homespun clothing companies cropped up who slapped white, vaguely-occult symbols onto plain black clothes. But there's a certain level of design needed to elevate it to coveted post-2010 goth wear. And Long Clothing, a spin-off of Boy London, does this with actual taste. Long Clothing's party wear utilizes just the right amount of Crowley hexagrams and Futhark runes, but in body-hugging styles like cropped tops and leggings. The line also features unisex oversized t-shirts, which would look Tumblr-perfect with a pair of giant platforms and blue lipstick. (Photo via Long Clothing's tumblr.) 
 

●      The Austin-based Sisters of the Black Moon began as a popular eBay vintage seller, with treasures from bygone eras that were always grounded in a witchy aesthetic. Nowadays, they have a standalone online shop where they sell contemporary clothing (including their own in-house line), accessories, and beauty products, with a focus on leathers and organic shapes in shades of faded black and gray. Their cotton pieces are uncomplicated and hang off the body with just a bit of drape that feels natural. It's the kind of clothing that makes you feel you've sprung from the depths of the earth while you're at the grocery store. Although they stock a few different independent designers, all of their spooky pieces are cohesive enough to fit in a single wardrobe.  (Photo via SOTBM's Instagram, model is Scout Paré-Phillips.)

●      NUIT Clothing (pictured at top of page) by Anastasia Ikonnikova, is a beautiful clothing line with a distinctly feminine feel. Almost everything she makes is black. And where a lot of contemporary goth designers focus on unisex pieces (no doubt a nod to Rick Owens), NUIT's skirts and tops hug the female form, with dripping bell sleeves and hip-accentuating flared coats. Each piece is available in very limited quantities, making them a treasure to own. It's clothing for the lifestyle witch, one who wants a wardrobe to feel as magical as their altar space. (Photo via Nuit's website.)


●      Anu Tera is a small handmade accessory and leather clothing line. Her sharp, brutalist necklaces and hair pins recall the sting of a scorpion, and are perfectly suited for your black magic vibes. The leather pieces - a cage skirt, cropped tops, and high-waisted shorts- are largely impractical but stunningly beautiful, and are clearly made with the utmost attention to craftsmanship. But the standout piece is a custom-made washed leather vest with layers of intersecting straps. It is sexy and subtle, and can be made to fit any measurement. After all, witches come in all sizes. (Photo via Anu Tera's Instagram.)  

●      Bramble Lee Pryde is a Canadian multi-disciplinary artist who creates gorgeous jewelry under the line Wolf & Sadie. Each piece is constructed by hand from sterling silver, and consists of necklaces, rings, bracelets, and ear climbers. The shapes are fluid and minimal, and are meant to compliment the natural lines of the human body. She's also constructed hand pieces that fit over the knuckles and palm, for the avant-garde warrior goth. This jewelry is perfect for drinking black tea draped in your finest Ann Demeulemeester gown. (Photo via Wolf &Sadie's Instagram by @kristmort, model is @lykanthea.)   

●      If you have been on Tumblr within the past two years, you've no doubt seen Elemental Child's crystal crowns on your dashboard. These gorgeous headpieces utilize real pointed quartz crystals to make you feel like the fairy sorceress of your dreams. While they are a popular accessory for brides, you can also casually slip it on while wearing a long black gauzy gown on a rainy day.  Ordering a crown takes a few months for shipping, but it is worth the wait - you will never see anyone else wearing one of these jeweled treasures. (Photo by Courtney Brooke from their website.)

●      Ovate by Audrey Cantwell has been around since the first days of fashion blogging - her pieces were featured on Zana Bayne's blog Garbage Dress, as well as the exceptional minimal style blog Childhood Flames. Today, Cantwell focuses on timeless pieces that will follow an aging goth throughout their lives. Her basic, fitted tunics are the starting points for long maxi gowns and asymmetrical skirts in moody colors, as well as her signature Valhalla hoodie, with an oversized hood that will make you feel like a sporty wraith. (Photo by Ellen Rogers from their website.)

●      Bloodmilk has been around 2008, but this stunning jewelry line exploded in popularity through Instagram. The photo-ready pieces tap into a very specific aesthetic based in melancholia and the occult, but from a distinctly feminine place. Motifs of Ouijia planchettes, talons, animal bones, and pyramid moonstones are crafted into intricately detailed necklaces, earrings and necklaces. Each of Bloodmilk's handmade pieces are also imbued with a story, ranging from tales of grief to Victorian mourning prose. It is rare that an honest, creative business becomes so successful, but by sticking to their vision Bloodmilk has managed to attract a devoted fan base. (Photo via Bloodmilk's Instagram, model is @druidessart.)

●      Complex Geometries is a cotton and silk-based line that has also seen success by remaining true to their aesthetic over the years. Their clothes are largely unisex, and are comprised of artfully draped tops and bottoms in minimal, earthy color tones. Many of their pieces can be worn in a variety of different ways. The precision of their cascading hemlines means the wearer can experiment with interesting shapes without spending a ton of cash on Rick Owens' more expensive items. And the generous cut of their flowing fabric pieces allows for a wide range of gothy bodies to wear these haunting pieces. (Photo by Jennifer Latour from their website.)

●      Gabrielle Adamidis of Hopeless Lingerie is inspired by the seductiveness of film noir. Even the name of her line evokes yearning gothic romance. This cult Australian company is also handmade with an emphasis on excellent craftsmanship. For witches in the boudoir, almost all of her pieces are available in black, as well as maroon and lace textures. The knickers feature a variety sensual cutouts to frame whichever part of the body you'd like to show off, but also include wickedly hot adjustable straps to ensure nothing digs into the skin. And while the bras don't come in an underwire version, sizes do go up to XXL. Ordering directly from Hopeless will take some time to arrive, but they have a variety of stockists if you'd like your pieces even sooner. (Photo by Steph Cammarano from their website.)

10 Funny Horror Films

October 31, 2015, 9:15 am

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Mixing comedy with horror is a tricky venture but when it works like Shaun Of The Dead , or like this month's release The Final Girls, or even Peter Jackson's fabulously gory/funny Dead Alive you crave to see more. Here are 10 more that really deliver- they're witty without forgetting that they are a horror film. And a blast to see with friends.

Black Sheep (2006)
A wildly exuberant horror film by director Jonathan King. Henry Oldfield (Nathan Meister) returns to his family home in New Zealand to sell off his share of the land to his brother Angus (Peter Feeney), who has been doing some creepy genetic experiments on the livestock. Before long Henry is fleeing the countryside with an animal right activist named Experience (Danielle Mason) chased by rampaging herd of baaaad cannibalistic sheep. It's sick, twisted, and riotously funny.

Grabbers (2012)
Tentacled alien creatures wash up on the shores of a remote Irish island. The only one of the first targeted victims that escapes unharmed is the town drunk, so everyone heads to the local pub and gets hammered to remain immune to the monsters. Director Jon Wright creates wonderful fleshed out characters in this fishing village and the leads are incredible appealing. (Not to mention the creatures, which are fabulous.)

Dead Snow (2009)
Writer/director Tommy Wirkola's hilariously grisly tale of a group of hapless medical students on a skiing vacation who, while, up at a cabin in the Norwegian Alps, disrupt a bunker filled with Nazi zombie soldiers. Much carnage and laughs ensue. Think of this as Night Of The Nazi Dead.

John Dies At The End (2012)
Cult director Don Coscorelli (Phantasm) scores with this surreal sardonic comedy about a bunch of stoners who are trying to save the world from a new drug called "soy sauce" which causes massive hallucinations and the release of terrifying creatures that will destroy the world.  Really outlandish and sharply constructed, this is psychotically satisfying.

Tucker And Dale Vs. Evil (2010)
Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are two redneck friends who are thrilled to inherit a cabin in the woods. When one of them attempts to rescue a drowning co-ed her friends mistakenly think Tucker & Dale are something out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This leads to a bone-headed attack which results in people falling into wood chippers and impaling themselves on wooden stakes. Eli Craig's gruesome horror comedy deserves major cult status.

Housebound (2014)
After a dumbly executed robbery, surly Kylie (Morgana O'Reilly) is given house arrest by the court and forced to return to the shambling spooky house of her childhood to live with her estranged, cheery mother (the wonderful Rima Te Wiata). That's when she starts to suspect something supernatural is going on. What "it" is actually turns out to be is even more demented. The finale with Kylie and her mum clawing through walls and climbing over the roof in terror is just insane. This rollicking film by Gerard Johnstone is just sensational.

Severance(2006)
The Office meets The Hills Have Eyes. Members of the sales department of Palisade Defence are sent to a "team building" wilderness retreat in Eastern Europe only to find themselves hunting targets of a bunch of crazed killers. Directed by Christopher Smith, it's good gory fun.

Slither (2006)
James Gunn's terrific film stars Nathan Fillion (Castle) as the sheriff of a small town who has to deal with alien life forms landing on earth and infecting everyone. These creepy worm-like creatures (reminiscent of the equally wonderful Night Of The Creeps) and their rampant infestations deliver squirm-in-your seat scares and equally well-deserved laughs.


Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)
Jack Brooks (played with athletic, affable, charm by Trevor Matthews) is a young plumber with anger management issues. A college professor unearths a crate in his back yard with a skeleton (and a live heart) that possesses him and transforms him into a Jaba-the-hut like toothy creature with tentacles in front of the class. It's up to Jack to channel his rage in a more productive way to save the other students. Directed by Jon Knautz this is a compulsively enjoyable wild ride- with old school prosthetic special effects and lots of testosterone to spare.

Cherry Falls (2000)
A psychotic killer is bumping off virgins in a small town so the high school kids get together and throw an awesome rave where everyone will get laid in order to keep themselves from becoming targets. For once in a slasher film, the slutty kids don't die. Starring Brittany Murphy, Jay Mohr (just terrific) & Michael Biehn, director Geoffrey Wright's witty dark comedy is not without it's scares too. Out of print on DVD for years Shout! Factory promises a new Blu-ray of this lost classic next spring.

Katy Perry, Rose McGowan and Kris Jenner on Their Halloween Costume Hits and Misses

October 31, 2015, 9:25 am

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If you're reading this, it's probably too late to throw together a sartorial-slaying #BreakTheInternet costume for tonight. Sorry, but, a blue Betty Page wig and daisy dukes sans a whipped-cream-exploding-brassiere does not a Katy Perry costume make! We're just as into the cult classic Doom Generation as the next guy, but no matter how far below 14th street they live, can rock a raven bob and a red lip as well as Rose McGowan did as Amy badass Blue. Leave the homages to the "Eat My Fuck" GIFs, ok? Additionally, you're not gonna find an immaculate Kris Jenner pixie in a drugstore aisle, either. (Trust us, we tried, and ended up with a $7.99 "rock n roll mullet" wig and lace mouse ears.) Plus, Balmain is really fucking expensive, and the H&M collab launch isn't until November 5th. Shit.

It'll be okay, though. Take a breath and a break from crashing Pinterest and soak up some severely last minute costume inspiration via Halloween enthusiasts Perry, McGowan and Jenner themselves, who spilled to us regarding their Halloween hits and misses. 


Katy Perry

Best Costume: Me as a Flamin' Hot Cheeto in 2014.

Worst Costume: When I was a ghost sometime in the early 2000's --  I just wore a sheet.


Rose McGowan

Best: My favorite was in 2013. I went as Marie Antoinette. I tried to drive with my hoop skirt up around my head and my wig sticking out of the sunroof. I kinda killed it that night.

Worst: Ugh. My first Halloween in America. My mom didn't know what to do so she bought me a crappy plastic Strawberry Shortcake costume from the drugstore. It was extremely undignified and I didn't know who Strawberry Shortcake even was. My plastic outfit ripped, some redneck told me I had a fucked up name, and I refused to knock on strangers' doors. It was not awesome.


Kris Jenner
Best: I absolutely LOVE Halloween!! My favorite memories through the years have been when we all dressed up in a theme.... Like one of my favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz -- Kylie and I were Dorothy, my mom and Kendall were the Wicked Witch and my dad was the Cowardly Lion!! Bruce was the Tin Man and Rob was the Scarecrow and the three older girls were Dorothy, the Wicked Witch and even the monkey!!

Another year we were the NY Yankees.... And then one year we were 101 Dalmatians. I was Cruella De Vil and all my kids, parents and Bruce were Dalmatians. LOL. The fantastic dog costumes were made by Disney and they were all faux fur and they barked!!! Ha! I got to borrow my costume from the studio and it was fabulous!!!!! Every year was so much fun and from the time Kim was born at the end of October in 1980 and Kendall in November 3rd 1995, we have always had a huge Halloween Party.... So much fun!!!

Worst: Kourtney has taken over the Halloween tradition so I guess my worst Halloween was only because I passed the tradition along, which actually turned out to be the best!!!!
I will always treasure those parties and celebrations with my family and friends forever!!!!!!!

Heidi Klum Does the Damn Thing, Transforms Into Jessica Rabbit For Halloween

November 1, 2015, 2:50 am

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After much speculation, and hours spent in a prosthetics lab, Heidi Klum's latest Hallow's Eve embodiment was revealed to be none other than Ms. Jessica Rabbit, herself.

Klum has the terrible burden of having to outdo herself in the costume department for her annual Halloween soirée in NYC, but the supermodel truly did that, and then some, as the voluptuous bride of Roger Rabbit.


The entire past week, Ms. Klum had teased snaps of her extensive preparation--including a dress fitting by designer Christian Siriano.

After adding the hint that she was going to be "sort of a male's fantasy come to life," many assumed that she was going to be Kim Kardashian.

WRONG.
Everything from the deep-set eyes, Mount Everest-sized chest, and perpetually ajar mouth was brought to life to an almost David Lynchian effect.


Heidi committed to the Jess swag throughout her Svedka-sponspored bash at LAVO with community theatre-levels of quality.

I just hope she remembered to take that face off when she went to get a hangover coffee at Starbucks this morning.

Kim Kardashian Wore *That* Dress For Halloween. Hi, Haters!

November 1, 2015, 4:05 am

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For Halloween this year, Kim Kardashian West decided to blow a kiss to her naysayers and be the most troll-baiting thing she could possibly be: herself!

Seven months pregnant, Mrs. Kanye West dusted off the infamous, full-sleeved (and gloved) Givenchy dress she wore to the Met Ball in 2013, when she was pregnant with her daughter, North.

Yes, THAT dress.

The one that spawned a million memes, including the now legendary side-by-side comparison the late and great Robin Williams did with Kim and Mrs. Doubtfire.


Kim thought "Fuck it," slicked her hair back, and got into the dress that was custom made by Riccardo Tisci.

Because nothing says "Iconic queen" like being yourself.

"Still fits..." she captioned the pic. Boom.

Sit back and watch the hater-tide roll in swiftly, boo.

Here's what some other famous millionaires dressed up as.

Kylie Jenner


Miley Cyrus

Biebz

Randy Gerber and Cindy Crawford


Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka (and their children).


JLO



Gigi Hadid

The Sunday Funnies

November 1, 2015, 4:50 am

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Good job to everyone involved with the making of this video.
 

#agilitychicken

Just in case you need to smile tonight! The ending made me laugh so hard #agilitychickenJukin Media Verified (Original)* For licensing / permission to use: Contact - licensing(at)jukinmediadotcom

Posted by Sarah Koski on Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Stripe the chicken completes his chicken obstacle course with flying colors. That little hop at the end!
 The little purrmaid. [Lolfactory]


A huge inflatable pumpkin terrorized a Phoenix suburb and it was perfect and wonderful. That pumpkin is coming for you, Jan Brewer.


Harrison Ford did his entire Jimmy Kimmel Live interview wearing a hot dog outfit. His unamused-and-kind-of-mean-but-you-know-he's-cool-and-nice-in-the-end dad steeze is unparalleled. No one does "I'm not laughing" better than HF.
 
If you aren't watching Master Chef Junior, you aren't living. It's a hell and a triumph.

Snorts from the grave. [AfternoonSnoozeButton]

Classic Sagan! [FYouNoFMe]


The first democratic debate gets the bad lip-synching treatment and it's magical. [TastefullyOffensive]



Just wanna go swimming with Christy the dog forever. [TastefullyOffensive]

Never forget. [ZackIsOnTumblr]
 
For next year... [ObviousPlant]



Watch a rude, jerk monkey punch a capybara who could really give an f on the nose. [TastefullyOffensive]
Wrong. [FYouNoFMe]

Who is he. [LaughterKey]
 


Because Halloweekend wouldn't be complete without the iconic KXVO Pumpkin Dancer.

Watch LeBron James Make Rapturous Love to the Mic...As Prince

November 1, 2015, 5:02 am

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America's Pride, LeBron James, did us all a solid, and dressed as Prince for Halloween.

The 6 foot 8 inch bball phenom (and talented comedic actor!!!!) perfected the look of the rockstar doe, including an Indigo jacket, frilly lace sleeves, and, of course, the hair.

But he didn't just supply us with the aesthetic...

. ..Mr. James went full metal YES, and performed a searing rendition of Prince's classic, "Purple Rain," which James' Cleveland Cavaliers teammates, Kevin Love and Mo Williams, mercifully posted on Instagram for the rest of the world to enjoy.

 

Only want to see you... @kingjames

A video posted by @kevinlove on Oct 31, 2015 at 9:47pm PDT

Prince people

A video posted by Mo Williams (@mogotti25) on Oct 31, 2015 at 9:23pm PDT

Somehow, I don't think Prince will see this. But I am going to assume if he did, he would slowly but surely grin...coyly.

Bless you, LJ.

---

A Canadian Woman Celebrates Her Love Of Pizza With A Series Of Engagement Photos

November 2, 2015, 1:13 am

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photos by Miriam Ott

What better way to tell the world you're in love than creating a Facebook photo album celebrating you and your boo? Which is exactly what 19-year-old Canadian student Nicole Larson did last week when she posted a series of "engagement" photos with her one true love -- pizza.

That's right, in lieu of a flesh and blood beau, the technically single Larson decided to share her love of pizza with the world, because as she explained to The Huffington Post, "Everyone seems to be caught up in trying to find a partner, but I would just encourage others to find/do anything that might brighten their day!" 

"If that is a boyfriend, great!," she continued. "If it's eating a full box of pizza to yourself, that is also great!"

Personally, we're inclined to agree with her, because as Larson so eloquently put it, "in my opinion pizza never lets you down."

[h/t Daily Mail] 

Hear Justin Bieber's New Skrillex-Produced Single, "I'll Show You"

November 2, 2015, 3:09 am

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Justin Bieber has released "I'll Show You," the next song from his upcoming apology album. (While he gets started on the next round of bad behavior.) It's produced by Skrillex and is a pretty standard (honestly, kind of boring) continuation of the "pop-friendly version of old-ish EDM trends" thing he's been doing for the whole release cycle. It's no "What Do You Mean," is all we're saying. But maybe he'll show us! Hear it below.

Chance The Rapper Celebrates Chicago Footwork With "Juke Or Treat"

November 2, 2015, 3:21 am

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In yet another nod to the storied musical history of his hometown, Chance The Rapper (along with the Social Experiment) shared his first Halloween-themed foray into the world of Chicago footwork with the aptly titled "Juke or Treat."

Chance, who's already paid ample tribute to the late Father of Footwork DJ Rashad, has now taken to other crews, combining elements of DJ Clent's "Back Up Off Me" with samples from the likes of The X-Files and The Twilight Zone -- definitively making for one of the best Halloween-themed mixes to emerge from Soundcloud over the holiday weekend. Listen to the ghoulish gem of a mix below.

[h/tFader]

Victoria Beckham Rubs Snail Goop On Her Boobs...But Does It Actually Work?

November 2, 2015, 4:17 am

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photo via Matteo Prandoni/BFA.com

Apparently the hottest new skin product amongst the celebrity set is an anti-aging snail goop serum for your neck and chest called Contour Décolleté -- and it comes via Kim K's very own skin guru, Dr. Harold Lancer.

Already lauded by the likes of Victoria Beckham as her new "must have" item, one does have to wonder if rubbing snail sludge on one's boobs actually works. After all, the serum, made from Marine Cone snail venom, makes some pretty big claims -- saying it will almost instantaneously reduce fine lines, wrinkles and plump up crinkly skin texture. 

So in the name of investigative reporting, two Daily Mail reporters along with one of their mothers, tried out the snail-y serum for exactly one week -- and while the general consensus was that the serum actually does do what it claims (Soft, supple skin! No more fine lines!), at $185 for 1.7 ounces the upkeep is probably only feasible if your pockets are as deep as the Kardashians'. 

My new "must have" @drlancerrx love it! X vb

A photo posted by Victoria Beckham (@victoriabeckham) on Oct 28, 2015 at 5:21pm PDT

TBH, sounds nice, but we'd advise just buying a nicer moisturizer. Bummer. 

[h/t Daily Mail]

Leah Remini Says She Found Suri Cruise Crying On The Bathroom Floor At Tom & Katie's Wedding

November 2, 2015, 5:15 am

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photo by Mark Woodworth/BFA.com

The bombs Ms. Leah Remini dropped in her recent 20/20 interview about leaving Scientology were plentiiiiiful.

And now, snippets of her upcoming tell-all Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology paint a dark, dark recounting of the Italian wedding of the church's messiah Tom Cruise to his now ex-wife Katie Holmes in 2006.

Remini's details are cup-face-with-hands cringe-worthy, including Tom serenading his bride with the SAME exact serenade he gave Kelly McGillis in Top Gun (fuck my life), and the church intentionally seating Leah and her husband away from her best friend, Jennifer Lopez, in hopes of honing in on Jen's non-Scientologist psyche.

J-Lo's father had been a member of the religion.

The most disturbing detail, however, describes Leah discovering a then-baby Suri Cruise, crying on the floor of a bathroom during the actual wedding ceremony at the opulent Odesalchi Castle.

NY Daily News paraphrases the upsetting, alleged scene:

Remini, after five long minutes, followed the sound of the crying baby to a bathroom where three women stood staring at the infant left lying on the floor.

The enraptured trio, including Cruise's sister and his assistant, were gaping at the hungry child as if she was "L. Ron Hubbard incarnate" -- Version 2.0 of the late Scientology founder.

WHAT IN THE OMEN HELL?????

Leah also adds that in an awkward car ride to the airport with Cruise's two older children, Bella and Connor, she asked them if they'd seen their mother (Nicole Kidman) recently.

Bella reportedly replied, "Not if I have a choice. Our mom is a fucking SP."

'SP' in Scientology-ology means a 'Suppresive Person'... AKA "I DON'T FUCK WITH YOU."

Katie Holmes released an official statement to 20/20, saying, "I regret having upset Leah in the past, and wish her only the best in the future," to which a tearfully happy Leah responded, "We're back to being human."

The church is denying any and all claims the actress has made, and I'm sure Leah has fully come to terms with sleeping with one eye open for the rest of her life.

But thanks to Bella Cruise, I'm now going to call people "Fucking SPs!!!!!" forever.

The Past Is Never Dead: A Look at the Tombstones Of Tumblr

November 2, 2015, 7:25 am

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William Faulkner once said that "the past is never dead. It's not even past." More than ever, the past is the present, as well as the future, and dead is barely dead. On the Internet, all of time exists at the exact same time. The ease with which we are able to rediscover, recontextualize and remix the past, to unmoor old loves and new obsessions from a fixed temporal point and bring them into the now, means that no artist is ever truly over, even in death. Tumblr has done more than any other website to mash together images of the past and the present until there's no need to differentiate between Drake, Prince and Biggie; they're all equally now online. That's why we asked Tumblr to provide us with images of celebrity tombstones for our Nowstalgia issue, including the final resting places of Rick James, Andy Warhol and Marilyn Monroe. On one level, these monuments are (often literally) concrete homes for dearly departed artists, but they're also just one more place for fans to direct undying love, one more moment from then to hold on to, one more way for them to always be here, one last thing they can share with us. -- Michael Tedder

Elvis Presley's grave photographed by Celine Ponce ihatemrbrody.tumblr.com



Andy Warhol's grave photographed by Madelyn Roehrig andys-figments-book.tumblr.com



Rick James grave photographed by Katie Hill lunytreklock.tumblr.com



Brittany Murphy's grave photographed by Lisa Voorhees aprilfool29.tumblr.com




Marilyn Monroe's grave photographed by Alexandria Parker eclecticlifepolicy.tumblr.com



Karl Marx grave photographed by Kaylie McKelvey kaylie.tumblr.com




Carl Morgan Bigsby grave photographed by Mark S. Melville gravesthataregoofy.tumblr.com

Rachel Dolezal Admits She Was "Born White" While Appearing On "The Real"

November 2, 2015, 7:31 am

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The Internet's greatest casualty of 2015, Rachel Dolezal, appeared on The Real -- a roundtable discussion featuring a panel made up of women of color, including Loni Love, Tamar Braxton-Herbet, Tamera Mowery-Housely, Jeannie Mai, and Adrienne Bailon.

In her few interviews since becoming a worldwide meme in June, Dolezal's has continuously dodged straightforward questions like this, seemingly unable to explain her rationale for living a lie

Naturally, the show's hosts had some questions for their infamous, "black-identifying" guest, specifically what box she checks off on forms asking to delineate race. 

"I didn't have to check anything," Rachel replied, after being ask how she identified her application to her alma mater, Howard University -- a traditionally all-black college.

After some other unbelievably glib proclamations, including that she has "absolutely" walked the walk in the daily struggles that come with being a woman of color, Dolezal is confronted head on by Jeannie Mai, who bluntly says, "You were not born black, so when you say you are black, it makes it hard for people to understand where you're coming from."

Pausing to recover from this truth-stab, Dolezal sheepishly says, "I acknowledge that I was biologically born white, to white parents," met with a roaring applause, and even a standing o from some of the audience members.

Congrats to the ladies of The Real for finally breaking the seemingly impenetrable, pathological wall of Rachel Dolezal.

Watch the triumphant clip below, courtesy of TMZ.
 

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Here's The Mom-ed Up Trailer for the New Season of Girls

November 2, 2015, 7:39 am

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The new (and possibly penultimate?) season of Girls hits HBO February 21, and the network has released its first teaser for the season. It's a quick clip emblazoned with the very Girls sentiment, "Dance like no one's watching," with Lena Dunham's Hannah trying to take that advice until she bumps into her mom. Real heads will remember that Loreen, played by Becky Ann Baker, had a bit of a rough season last year when her husband Tad came out as gay -- and they'll also recall that the coda to last season's finale (one of the best episodes the often-controversial show has ever done) found Hannah apparently happy and coupled in the midst of winter. The clip below won't answer where the show's creative team goes from there (or show any signs of cool Girls intern Malia Obama, but at least it'll whet your appetite. [via The Hollywood Reporter]

Viperblack, The Blackest Black, Is Almost Here

November 2, 2015, 8:01 am

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Last year, Surrey Nano Systems developed Vantablack, the world's darkest (carcinogenic and therefore unwearable) material made out of carbon nanotubes -- however, a German design duo is currently crowdfunding a campaign to create Viperblack, the blackest wearable material ever, out of cotton. 

But how black is this black? Exactly 40% darker than what we currently have on the market.

Dazed recently spoke to Phoebe Heess and Gabriel Platt, the people behind the Viperblack, about their ambitious undertaking, which they said was actually somewhat inspired by the infamous "I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color" Wednesday Addams meme. 

The other reason? "Yōhji Yamamoto - I really like him and what he's doing. He works mainly with black, just to bring the focus onto the cut. I find it so much more challenging to create something interesting in itself," Heess explained. "I think black is such a strong, elegant color."

[h/tDazed]

Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna Apologize For The Swastika In Their Sid & Nancy Halloween Costume

November 2, 2015, 8:55 am

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Mad Men's Harry Hamlin is screaming into a pillow tonight after photos surfaced of him wearing a T-shirt with a swastika on it, as part of his joint Sid & Nancy Halloween costume with his wife, Lisa Rinna. 

The couple attended George Clooney and Randy Gerber's Casamigo's Tequila bash in Beverly Hills as Sex Pistols' Sid Vicious and his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen, and posed with the blaring symbol of humanity's downfall with great ease. 

The idea was meant to be a recreation of one of Sid's well known looks, but the duo should have gone the route of the 1986 Sid and Nancy biopic, and opted for a far less conspicuous oppressive regime.

Hamlin apparently wised up (that, or his publicist texted him); he veeeeeery subtly covered the swastika in this Instagram posted by Rinna's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills costar, Kyle Richards.

At some point that night, Amal Clooney must've glanced over at Hamlin and Rinna, and slowly sipped her wine with gentle disapproval. 

Earlier today, Rinna posted this "apology" to her Instagram; it looks like Lisa found it on Pinterest while waiting at a red light.

But if the other swastika-wearin' Harry (Prince Harry) can bounce back, there's probably still hope for Hamlin and Rinna.

Maybe.

Here are some other ghoulishly offensive celeb Halloween costumes.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, 2010

Sorry, Snickers.

Julianne Hough as "Crazy Eyes" from Orange is the New Black, 2013

STILL CONFUSED HOW JULIANNE HOUGH HAS A SAG CARD.

Bill Maher at Steve Irwin (a month after he died), 2006

*coughs*

Adrianne Curry as Amy Winehouse, 2009

Girl, bye.

Octomom and her prisoners (children) as a Nun and baby demons, 2009.

Their faces say it all.

Lil B Calls Out The Weeknd on "4 Tha Record"

November 2, 2015, 9:03 am

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Lil B recently dropped a new video for a song titled "4 Tha Record," and it's pretty much what you'd expect from the Based God -- much better rapping than you'd expect (or a lot of detractors would care to admit), but mostly inessential except for some provocative headline material. In this case, that's a series of insults about The Weeknd, ranging from "Fuck The Weeknd I can't sing that song" to the soon to be immortal, "Fuck The Weeknd put that on a record." He's accusing the singer of not being authentic, which feels like a fine enough insult as far as it goes, but who knows if anything else will come of this other than one more person on Lil B's curse list? Will The Weeknd fire back? Probably not, because he may be a creep, but he also has one of the most successful albums of the year. [via Noisey]

Watch Ariana Grande Stand Up To Sexist Double Standards In This Interview

November 2, 2015, 9:05 am

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Last Thursday Ariana Grande stopped by LA's Power 106 to talk about her new single, but unfortunately the only thing her bro-hosts Eric D-Lux and Justin Credible wanted to talk about was bullshit like would you rather use make up or your phone one last time? Or do only girls use the new unicorn emoji? 

Thankfully, Grande had a few choice words for their ignorance, answering the first question with a "Is this what you think girls have trouble choosing between?" and the second with a plea for emoji equality, stating "who says unicorn emoji isn't for men?"

"Boys, learn!" As Grande said at one point, continuing later with the definitive, "I changed my mind, I don't want to hang out at Power 106 anymore." 

Watch her skewer 'em a little past the 16-minute mark below.

 

[h/t Daily Dot]