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8 Forgotten NYC Clubs We Wish Were Still Open

"Everything used to be better, blah blah blah," say windup old fogeys like myself. The reality is that they weren't necessarily better, but they were definitely different, back before tighter restrictions and the web made cutting loose a little less loose. Here are some of the haunts that made New York a real (not virtual) wonderland:

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 3.29.40 PM.png(photo by Bill Bernstein)

HURRAH (36 W. 62nd Street)
Downtown went uptown for this super trendy dance club, which was also a venue for performances, fashion shows, and schmoozing in buzz cuts. The crowd was chi-chi and attitude-y, and the music they danced to wasn't the usual disco -- more often it was emerging punk and new wave, a fresh sound in dance clubs at that time. And there was something wrong and kind of exciting about going so far up north.

PIZZA A-GO-GO (121 W. 31st Street)
In the '80s, promoter Vito Bruno took over an old pizza restaurant and made it into a blithely enjoyable club for downtown habitués. With few frills and a no-pressure, friendly feeling, the place provided a healthy slice of nightlife, no cheese.

ICE PALACE (57 W. 57th Street)

From 1977-'85, this was a glitzy disco -- filled with neon and mirrors -- where gays, including many black and Hispanic ones, came to escape and celebrate. For a mirror-ball palace, it had a touching sincerity, and the Sunday tea dance was kind of legendary. In fact, the Ice Palace had a real cuteness to it just by being effortlessly queer-festive and never pushing too hard for fabulousness.

INFINITY (633-653 Broadway)

In the late '70s till the early '80s, this warehousey space was dotted with neon lights, bowls of fruit, and true blue partiers. The invite for the club's weekly gay party genteelly encased the "Infinity" logo inside the image of a phallus. But it wasn't always so festive. One night, a blaze sadly put an end to Infinity.

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 3.34.55 PM.pngKING TUT'S WAH WAH HUT (112 Avenue A)
The '80s were a boom time, not only for large dance clubs, but for atmospheric East Village hangouts with a cultural bent. This place, which ran till the early '90s, provided the perfect setting for reading series, drag performer Ethyl Eichelberger going to dark places, and the nouveau punk band Das Furlines. The owner also ran another East Village playpen, Aztec Lounge. The lore of South American Indians and Egyptian kings were definitely worshiped, especially as mixed with contempo performance weirdness (a good thing).

I wasn't a regular at this after hours haunt, since it never felt like a natural setting for me. But for anyone who wanted to start their evening at 4am, this storefront/basement was the place to go. (It ran from 1983 to '84, and then reopened in 1986 after renovations and improvements). Reportedly, only vodka, soda, and juice were served, so a lot of the clientele came tanked up on other things. Future talk show host Craig Ferguson was a bouncer there and probably got great experience as to how to handle an unruly guest or two.

1018 (515 W. 18th Street)
In the late '80s, the old skating club the Roxy became 1018, an R&B flavored concert venue/dance club, though I also managed to catch pasty white singer Rick Astley in a promotional appearance there. They had name brand DJs and featured shows by freestyle performers and LaToya Jackson. Eventually, it became the Roxy again, where big-chested gays and drag queens made a weekly thump-thump shrine to themselves on Saturday nights. And I must say that was my favorite incarnation of the place.

MARS (13th Street and 10th Avenue)
Inspired by Blade Runner, but with distinct echoes of H.R. Pufnstuf, this multi-level dance club -- not to be confused with Mars Bar -- had walls of lava lamps and surreal statues to add to the all-around trippy experience. Shortly after its 1989 opening, the club kids that were going to make it their home base were shooed away, but there were plenty of other mixed nuts willing to fill its spaces. The gay Sundays were particularly memorable.

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Mariah Carey's "Infinity" and a Taxonomy of the Breakup Song


Mariah Carey's new song "Infinity," a brutal diss of Nick Cannon, is the newest addition in a long line of breakup songs. Probably the first thing the cavemen did after inventing fire, language, and the hottest diet of 2014 was sing a song about how their baby left them and isn't coming back. About half of Shakespeare's sonnets are about breakups and the rest are about... I don't know, clouds?

There are many categories of breakup song. There's the weepy acoustic guitar request to return, there's the strident get-out-the-door banger, and there's every song Taylor Swift ever recorded. The problem that most breakup songs face, of course, is that they're inherently corny.

"Infinity" is the Corny Break Up Song writ large -- in it, Nick Cannon is compared to both a Frito and a free throw -- which got us wondering: What are the categories of the breakup song and how corny -- on a scale of one Frito to five -- are they?

The "Done With You"
"Infinity" clearly falls within this category. Mariah is out the door and isn't coming back. The Done With You is maybe a self-defeating genre of breakup song because the songwriter has gone to the trouble of 1. writing the song (or, let's be real, paying someone to write it) 2. paying for producers and studio time and 3. officially releasing the song. All that for the sake of someone that you no longer care about? What happened to a text? Or, better yet, no text and a "new phone who dis" auto response when they try to contact you?

Hallmarks of this genre include telling the broken-up-with to get his stuff and leave, saying that you never loved them, and using door metaphors to indicate finality.

Other Examples: "Tyrone" by Erykah Badu, "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce
Best "Done With You" Example From the Taylor Swift Catalog: "Mean
Corniness Level: 5 Frito bags out of 5

The "I Hope You Die"
The opposite of "Done With You." It's basically the difference between not picking up your phone and answering only so you can scream "Fuck you!" and hang up. Probably the best version of this is the "Who Shot Ya"/ "Hit Em Up" diptych -- Biggie and 2pac were friends initially -- because it's not out of the question that they literally took steps to have each other murdered. That is beef.

Other Examples: "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake, "The Warning" by Eminem 
Best "I Hope You Die" Example from the Taylor Swift Catalog: "Picture to Burn"
Corniness Level: 2 Frito bags out of 5

The "You're Insane"
"You're So Vain," by Carly Simon, defines this category. It turned out not to be a breakup song at all -- it's in fact about the famously gay record producer David Geffen (though Simon later denied this) -- but it gave voice to multiple generations of people who wanted to point out a fatal flaw in their ex-partner by, you know, singing. The major points people always hit in these songs are usually about the lover's stupidity or let's say "casual" relationship with reality. It's the smartest genre of breakup song because responding to it in any official capacity basically proves its point. That's why "You're So Vain" is the perfect example; if anyone got mad about it, well...

Other Examples: "Idiot Wind" by Bob Dylan, "Lost Ones" by Lauryn Hill
Best "You're Insane" Example from the Taylor Swift Catalog: "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"
Corniness Level: 1 Frito bag out of 5

The "Please Come Back"
We all know about this one. Even sadder than the sad breakup songs, these are the ones that make your friends start researching straitjacket prices and taking away your car keys after you've had one drink. Classic features of these songs are basically anything that you can picture sobbing about while scrolling through your ex's old profile pictures on Facebook. The best example in this genre is the album Paula by Robin Thicke. It's like, dude...

Other Examples: "I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5, "Baby I Need Your Loving" by the Four Tops 
Best "Please Come Back" Example from the Taylor Swift Catalog: "All You Had to Do Was Stay
Corniness Level: 6,000 Frito bags out of 5

The "I'm Sad but It's OK"
Without this category, Bob Dylan would straight up not exist. He would still be Robert Zimmerman, he would still live in Minnesota, and your freshman roommate would have to find a different person to have really annoying opinions about. These are songs that seem like they're actually part of the healing process, right before you get way too drunk and leave a voicemail telling you're ex that you're moving on and then waking up covered in tears and, well, Fritos.

Other Examples: "Someone Like You" by Adele, "Hey That's No Way to Say Goodbye" by Leonard Cohen 
Best "I'm Sad but It's OK" Example Using a Taylor Swift Song Catalog: "Tim McGraw
Corniness Level: 3 Frito bags out of 5

The "No, I Break Up With You!"
One time, this girl I was dating called me. I was driving with my dad, talking about how we needed to break up probably. She was like, "Hey, how are you?""Good, good..." and she said, "Um," and I by one sentence beat her to "I don't think this is working." My dad high fived me and bought me a bunch of beer to bring to a party. Anyways, by the time I got back to town she had told all of our friends that she had broken up with me and that I was lying. What were we talking about again?

Other Examples: "Heard it Through the Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye, "Fuck You" by Cee-Lo Green
Best "No, I Break Up With You" Example Using a Taylor Swift Song: Taylor has never preemptively broken up with anyone.
Corniness Level: 2 Frito bags out of 5

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That Hot Club Track You're Listening to Right Now is by Yoko Ono

DMP_YokoOno.jpgYou may know Yoko Ono primarily as a formative performance artist, peace activist, and John Lennon's wife but now she's climbing the dance charts. That's right, Yoko Ono's currently got Billboard's #13 club song! Her 1973 track, "Woman Power," got a remix by producer Alyson Calagna ahead of Ono's summer retrospective at the MoMA, and, along with powerful feminist themes, features some heavy, heavy bass. It's probably the most socially-conscious way of getting turned up all summer. Check it out below.

[h/t InStyle]

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The 14 New Art Shows to See This Week

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 4.47.45 PM.pngTony Oursler, 2015. Courtesy the artist and Lehmann Maupin, Hong Kong and New York.

Lehmann Maupin (201 Chrystie Street) opens a show of new works by Tony Oursler on Wednesday, April 29, from 6 to 8 p.m.  The show features large works on aluminum that are shaped like faces, with video screens replacing the mouths and eyes.  It's on view until June 14th.

Sebastian-Masuda-hello-kityy.jpgA large translucent sculpture shaped like Hello Kitty called "Time After Time Capsule" by the Japanese artist Sebastian Masuda will be unveiled on April 29th in Dag Hammarskjold Plaza (47th Street and Second Avenue) and will be on view until September 13.  The work is also a "time capsule" that will be periodically filled with "colorful objects" and eventually will be moved to Tokyo for the 2020 Olympics. There's also an opening "ceremony" on May 3rd from 1 to 5 p.m.

UK artist Carl McCrow has his first solo show in the US with "History Interrupted: The Art of Disarmament" opening Thursday, April 30, 6 to 9 p.m. at Hoerle-Guggenheim Gallery (527 West 23rd Street).  He works with guns obtained from global conflicts that he repurposes as conceptual art.  On view until the end of May.

09f8fc06c92008149ea24232b8682791.jpgMixed Greens (531 West 26th Street) opens "Yellow Bikini," a new show of works by Syracuse-based artist Mark Mulroney, on April 30, 6 to 8 p.m.  Up until June 6th.

The Paula Cooper Gallery (521 West 21st Street) presents a show by Bruce Conner -- a member of the 50s "Beat" scene in San Francisco -- on Thursday, April 30, 6 to 8 p.m.  The focus is on his use of the figure and includes drawings, photos, assemblage and his 1964 film, VIVIAN.  Up until the end of June.

ggbdayinvite640pix.jpgThe Abrons Arts Center (466 Grand Street) has a big exhibit of works and a celebration of the Guerrilla Girls opening on Friday, May 1st and up until the 17th.  It's the 30th birthday of the feminist activists and they're planning several surprise appearances around town to "expose corruption in today's art world."  Whitney beware!  There's a crazy, blowout party next Friday, May 15, 8 to 10 p.m. with DJs and cake, too.

On Friday, May 1st, the Jewish Museum (1109 Fifth Avenue at 92nd Street) opens "Revolution of the Eye: Modern Art and the Birth of American Television" with over 260 works related to the influence of art and design on early network television.  Up until September 20th.

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 7.39.18 PM.pngA new exhibit of works by Lucas Samaras opens on May 1st, 6 to 8 p.m., at Pace (510 West 25th Street). It includes over 700 photographs and a mirrored-room installation.  On view until the end of June. Samaras was born in Greece, but lives and works in NYC. This is his thirty-fifth show with Pace. The gallery's space at 508 West 25th also opens a group show called "Eureka" on May 2nd, featuring artists who "observe and map the cosmological, metaphysical and scientific."  Check out the music in their back gallery by the Sun Ra Arkestra and Edgar Varese.

_DSF3489.jpegAlso on Friday evening, 6 to 8 p.m., Susan Inglett Gallery (522 West 24th Street) presents new works by Hope Gangloff in her sixth solo show with the gallery. The NY artist paints large portraits of her friends and aims to "capture the spirit of a generation" while celebrating the real New York.  On view to June 6th.

AK_098-1600-xxx_q85.jpgGavin Brown's Enterprise (620 Greenwich Street) opens their fourth show by Alex Katz on Saturday, May 2, and on view until June 13.  he show is devoted exclusively to landscape paintings.  Also check out "Wake Up and Make Love" by Spencer Sweeney, up now at Brown's 291 Grand Street space.

710937_96c598bfa503459692f8bb8660b6e60c.png_srb_p_926_596_75_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_png_srb.pngA new exhibition, "Enchanted Space," by three New York-based artists -- Anna K.E., Dana Levy and Marilyn Minter -- opens on Saturday, May 2nd, 6 to 8 p.m. at Fridman Gallery (287 Spring Street) and remains up until June 6.  The show was organized by Barbara London and the works "process space and time in daring and unexpected ways and challenge our sense of reality and social norms."

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 7.44.47 PM.png

Lee Quinones has a pop-up show organized by Nicole Klagsbrun opening on Saturday, May 2nd, 6 to 8 p.m. at 291 Grand Street.  Check out some of his early "never-before-seen" drawings and several new works.  Up until June 7

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 7.43.55 PM.pngOn May 3rd, Pioneer Works (159 Pioneer Street, Red Hook, Brooklyn) hosts their annual "Village Fete" fundraiser with cocktails, performances, silent & live auctions, dinner and an afterparty with Tamaryn; plus DJ sets from Andrew VanWyngarden and special guests.  Tickets are HERE.

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Is the Selfie Arm the Final Sign of the Apocalypse?

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 5.04.34 PM.pngPhoto courtesy of Aric Snee

Designers Aric Snee and Justin Crowe have designed a novel solution to a common problem: When you look 100 but bae is not around. Or maybe there is no bae. Or maybe there would be a bae but bae is playing and you want your possi-bae to think that maybe there is already a bae and that bae had better shape up or else they can wave your ass goodbye. Enter: The Selfie Arm, the logical extension of the "bae caught me sleeping" Instagram, the "I woke up like this" -- with full makeup and pouting lips -- selfie, and that series where the rich guy has his model girlfriend "lead him around the world."

While, sure, it's basically just a selfie stick with a fiberglass arm draped around it and the current prototype looks like you're holding the hand of an actual dead person, this is the kind of ironic idea that gains the same type of momentum and popularity with consumers as the pet rock or the chia pet. Plus, it could this be a way to sneak around those peskyselfiebans. "What's that?" you might say to security. "This is no selfie stick, this is a, uh, disembodied arm that I carry around for good luck." Guaranteed admission, every time.

[h/t Design Boom]

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Beautiful People 2015: Kelela

PAPER is proud to present a conversation with Kelela -- emerging pop star and member of the Beautiful People Class of 2015. Read on for her take on the American Dream (the theme of our April issue), and meet Kelela's classmates here.

What can you tell me about your forthcoming debut album?
There's definitely post-heartache and post-breakup songs, songs that were surrounding a relationship, and then a few songs that point to the actual cusp of change. And then there's this sort of... I mean, I wouldn't call it resolve, but I would call it the next page, I guess. And it's sort of falling in love again, experiencing very new and exciting stuff, you know? The experiences that I've had over the past two years have been like dreams coming true. I used to feel insecure about what I'm supposed to do next, because I knew I wasn't in the same place that I was before when I wrote the mixtape [2013's Cut 4 Me]. Like, What does Kelela say when she's like not heartbroken? [laughs] And then I realized halfway through -- my ticket, how I essentially identify myself is more vulnerable than heartbroken. So whether it's about heartache or about being in love, it's definitely tears of some sort. And that's definitely what I can say is the thing that I do. 

Is that carrying straight through the full-length, do you think? 
I think there is a feeling of triumph or arrival or coming into one's own. But even that experience through Kelela's lens... I don't think I'll ever feel like I've truly arrived. And I never want to step out of that. I never want you to think I have it all figured out, if that makes sense.

And that's reflected in the sounds as well, with that sort of restraint and ambiguity. Why do you think it comes out that way? 
I think it comes from having been othered growing up, and then finding solace in it. Being really, really uncomfortable and wanting to be normal. I went to a pretty mixed school, but I hung out with the upper-middle-class white kids -- being also the child of East African immigrants and not really being able to identify as African American culturally, but also growing up in the United States and being black, you know what I mean? I don't feel solely culturally situated in that zone either. Over time, it's moved me into feeling attached to being othered. Being on the outside is a very comfortable thing, and excavating spaces that haven't been excavated or pointing to spaces that sort of exist in the cracks is more interesting to me. 

Was Ethiopian music part of your upbringing?

It sure was. I mean, in Ethiopian culture, if you go to a wedding, you're obliged to at least clap and sing along. No wallflowers. So it blurs the line between performer and audience, and I grew up in a context where that was normalized. I didn't really listen avidly until I was in my late teens. After high school I sort of became obsessed with a singer who goes by Gigi. She was sort of marketed as like a world artist, but this was like one of the few Ethiopian singers that has been really seen in that context. My dad actually did the translation for the lyrics, the booklet, and so he would tell me what the lyrics were. They were so poetic and sort of situated in all these rural contexts, as a lot of Ethiopian lyrics are. Vocally, I want to do comparisons between like Kim Burrell, who's an amazing gospel singer, and some Ethiopian countryside singers, you know, the way that they inflect their voices -- it's sort of comparable, but like completely different. So I'm definitely interested in the intersections between world music, Middle Eastern music and music in Urdu and Hindi. I used to just imitate all voices, for sure. 

And these days, do you play your music to your parents?

I definitely send them links and stuff. My dad is more so on the Internet, like actively lurking. He lives in Addis Ababa, in Ethiopia, but he's at an office every day, so he's definitely checking things out. And my mom actually writes music as well. She plays intermediate flute right now; she learned recently. And then she started writing hymns and now her church -- you know, we have an Ethiopian congregation -- my mom's church now sings the songs that she writes.

What denomination is the church?

Well, my mom is religious and she's Catholic. But it's an Ethiopian Catholic church, so the sermon and the whole mass is in Ge'ez, which is sort of like the Latin of Ethiopia. It's the language that only existed 7-800 years ago or was spoken around that time and is now completely solely used in the church. Nobody speaks Ge'ez, but everybody knows it. 
What parts of the country have you visited that have sort of struck you the most, whether for like beauty or being messed up for one reason or another or whatever?

Um, I haven't really been to those places on a Kelela tour, but... 

Just in your life, it could be. 
My ex-boyfriend is a sort of prodigious guitarist, just an amazing guitarist. He plays metal and operates mostly in the metal context. So I went on tour with him in summer of 2011 and it was 29 dates in 30 days in a 19-passenger van. So that was more punk than anything. It's basically, you know, riding dirty, going through middle America and the south, through parts that nobody, in my context, currently is going through, you know? Like Mobile, Alabama, and Wichita, Kansas. But like, the venue that they ended up playing in Wichita... I mean, it's unfair to call it a venue. But it also put into perspective, how much metal means to kids in middle America, and how it is their only solace, their only outlet. I saw quite literally how much the music means when you're in the middle of nowhere. 

OK, last question. What is your American dream?

Um, to capitalize off of who I actually am and only that. 

That is incredibly succinct. 
I think that's where we get into trouble, or where I get into trouble, is when I'm trying to make a living off of or trying to survive off of something that's not who I am, or doing things that aren't true to myself. And so I can avoid a lot of trouble and still feel really successful if I just stick to who I am. 

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Hulu Landed the Rights to Start Streaming Seinfeld

Screen Shot 2015-04-29 at 6.05.03 PM.png
There could be a lot of reasons you're having a bummer week: You were super invested in the Cara Delevingne-St. Vincent relationship (RIP), you're tired of waiting for the new A$AP Rocky album to drop, your mom/ex/former roommate changed the HBOGo password and won't tell you what it is now... But now you have a reason to get out of those spring doldrums with the news that Hulu has agreed to purchase the rights to stream every episode of Seinfeld for a measly $160 million. Why leave your couch for stupid things like "sunlight" or "your job" or "because you're literally developing bedsores" when you can rewatch "The Contest" for the millionth time?

The move is also a sign that Hulu is tired of being pushed around by undisputed VOD big dog Netflix. After their deal to stream every episode of Friends and their huge lead in the original content category, Netflix seemed poised to leave their little brother in the dust. Now, after the Seinfeld acquisition and their just-completed deal to stream upcoming episodes of original AMC shows, Hulu seems more than up for the corporate dogfight. But that's all very inside baseball. The main news is: Seinfeld! Legally streamable! Rejoice!

[h/t Variety]

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Watch Kristen Wiig Channel Khaleesi On the Tonight Show, Try (and Fail) Not to Laugh


Kristen Wiig was scheduled to appear on the Tonight Show last night to promote her new movie, Welcome to Me, but lo and behold, it was Khaleesi from Game of Thrones who came to chat with Jimmy instead. She introduced Jimmy to her dragon, Carl, revealed her real name (Karen), and was an absolute delight the entire time as she desperately tried -- and failed -- not to laugh.

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Preview Pieces from Booty Worship, the Ass-Themed Art Show Coming to LA

Starting this Saturday, Los Angelenos will have the opportunity to kneel down at the altar of ass. Or, at least, view butt-themed art at a group show staged by Superchief proprietors Ed Zipco and Bill Dunleavy in their massive 4000 sq ft downtown gallery and residency space. Titled Booty Worship, the show features roughly 100 visual artists putting their spin on America's new favorite erogenous zone and was curated by the "Grim Creeper" himself, mixed-media artist Reginald Pean, whose work is also featured in the exhibit. Of our continued obsession with backsides, Zipco says, "[The butt] is a boob without nipples. They still censor nipples all over the Internet. And, though it's a weird way to look at it, with the booty, you can have your cake and eat it, too." Indeed.

Scope preview photos from the show, below, and check it out in LA when it opens on Saturday, May 2nd. Superchief is located at 739 Kohler St., Los Angeles.

Meegan Barnes, Armour

Andre, Spanks

Bill Mcginnis, yang

Zekes Lunchbox, Booty Babies

Chloe Kovska, Dotty

Chloe Kovska,

James Jirat Patradoon, Hardvader

Nick Potash, Yellow Chrome

Olivia Britz, 'Twerk Goddess'

Reginald Pean, Attention to Details

Sabrina Elliott, "Kupo"

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ICYMI: Watch This Bizarre Clip of Lil Wayne on ESPN


We get that it's in the name and everything, but a recent episode of ESPN's Highly Questionable is, actually, really questionable. It features Lil Wayne sitting mostly silent as Papi Le Batard, one of the show's co-hosts, performs Weezy's hook from the 2012 Drake track "HYFR." Weezy eventually joins in, both coughing in place of all the "fuck"s in the song, and the clip ends with the two of them fist-bumping. Watch above and enjoy.

[h/t Fader]

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Pharrell's Green Boots Star In a New Chanel Ad With Cara Delevingne

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 3.07.41 PM.pngWe all know Pharrell's an ageless, fashion alien sent to us from the far-off, avant-garde planet of yasss but if there was ever any shred of doubt, his new role as Chanel's fashion ambassador and star of its recent Metiers d'Art campaign should put that bed. Teaming up with duet-partner and supermodel Cara Delevingne once again, Pharrell poses alongside other house favorite, supermodel scion and Lagerfeld's godson, Hudson Kroenig, and rocks a pair of forest green suede knee-high boots better than any mere mortal has a right to. Like the Buffalo Hat before it, could Pharrell make these boots the meme-worthy accessory of 2015?

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"A 93-year-old Broad with All This Attention -- How Bad Can It Be?" Iris Apfel On Her New Film

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 4.18.18 PM.png

In the new documentary Iris, fashion icon and jewelry magnate Iris Apfel notes that "if you hang out long enough, everything comes back." A glance at the fashion landscape over the past year proves her point: Joan Didion is in a campaign for Céline, Jessica Lange is in a Marc Jacobs Beauty spot, Joni Mitchell is working with Saint Laurent and the ever-busy Apfel, 93, is the new face of Kate Spade. (Not to be left out, Neil Young popped up on a line of Supreme T-shirts in February; less high-fashion than the rest, but Young and Supreme's James Jebbia do things their own way.) Isn't this the industry that worships youth at all costs? The Apfel documentary, directed by the late Albert Maysles and now showing in New York, reminds us that women can be stylish at any age, regardless of the fashion industry's rigid ideas about planned obsolescence.

Below, we chat with Apfel about the film, working with Albert Maysles and meeying Kanye. 

Hi Iris, how are you doing today?

I have a new phone and it's... I'm not hearing so well. Let me see if I can do something. Just a second.

Alright, sure. No problem.

I have a new iPhone. I'm a technological idiot. Technologically, I live in the seventeenth century. I've had one of those little bitty phones, which I was very happy with, but it fell in a bucket of water.

Oh no. I'm sorry.

And now I have one of these newfangled things and I really need some lessons on it. I just got it and I don't know what to do or what's correct. Anyway, that's not your problem. So what can I help you with?

Let's talk about your new movie. You've been in the fashion industry for quite a long time, but now as the star of your new documentary, you're really kind of stepping into the spotlight in a new way. How does that feel?

Oh, it feels wonderful. I mean, a 93-year-old broad with all this attention -- how bad can it be?

Are you used to this level of attention, or does it feel strange for you?

Well no, I've been getting used to it because in the last 10 years I've done advertising campaigns. I just did one for Kate Spade and a line for Home Shopping Network. I've been getting enormous attention. So I'm pretty well used to it. I mean, it's interesting... I liked it better when I was a private person. But I thank God for being so kind and generous and everybody being so wonderful to me. I'm very, very appreciative. And I try to be nice to everybody.

Do you get recognized on the street these days?

Oh, yes. Almost every place I go, people stop me on the street -- at restaurants, at airports. But I was shocked -- last year I went to Brazil, and I had a whole bunch of kids jumping all over me.


I've got fans all over the world. This is not new. This has been gradually going on for the last 10 years, but it's kind of reached a crescendo.

It's very interesting because you're the new face of Kate Spade, Joni Mitchell's the new face for Saint Laurent, Jessica Lange is going to be doing Marc Jacobs and Joan Didion's doing Céline. It does seem like the fashion industry's been looking toward women of a different generation than it normally does. 

Well they're very stupid not to. They dug their own grave. It's the 65-year to 80-year-olds that have all the money [and who can buy the clothes]. They've got all the expendable income. And I think the fashion business was just ignoring them.

Young people don't have the money for all these -- I mean, they have money for inexpensive things, but they don't have money for high-end brands. It's pretty ridiculous to show dresses that cost thousands of dollars on 15-year-old models. It makes older women feel very inadequate and very unattractive and very out of it and it's just been a disaster. I've been working very hard to try to pull it back.

It's like you say in the documentary -- if you hang out long enough, everything comes back. Do you feel that way about yourself and fashion, appreciating women that are older now? That it's coming back into style finally?

I've always been appreciated fashion-wise. Not to this extent, but I mean, nobody ever threw rocks at me for the way I dress. If you do hang around long enough, everything comes back. No question about it. But I'm not a trendy dresser -- I wear clothes that I like, that suit me. I'm still wearing a dress I wore on the first date with my husband, which was 68 years ago.


We just celebrated our 67th wedding anniversary. Good clothes are good clothes, and if you know who you are and what you want yourself to look like, you can wear your clothes for a long time.

It's interesting, watching the documentary, how much of your style is based on smart accessories that anyone could afford if they were willing to go out and find them. They seem very practical.

Well I'm a very practical person. I think accessories are the most transformative thing in the world. You can take the same little black dress and wear it from morning till night -- you can go to the office in it and you go to lunch, you can go to cocktails, you can go to a black tie by just changing your accessories.

That's a lesson I learned at my mother's knee. She worshiped at the altar of the accessory. And it's a very, very good lesson that I learned. That's why I'm so happy doing this HSN thing, because I can try to give certain women who don't want to look like everybody else some accessories that can help them out at a very, very affordable price that they wouldn't be able to find even in flea markets today. And I had a head start on collecting -- I've been a collecting junkie since eleven years old. So, do the arithmetic...

Your jewelry's not prohibitively fancy, either, but it's also not junk jewelry. It's really lovely stuff.

They call it "fashion jewelry" now -- you know, not precious stones. Not real stuff. Which I have always preferred, because I think the artists can be much more creative when they're not working with materials that cost a fortune.

Yeah. It's better to work with limitations.

You can take more chances and you can be more daring. 

Watching the film, there's a scene where you meet Kanye West at the CFDA Awards. What was that like?

Well, I just met him and that was it. I certainly don't hang out with the Kardashians.

Were you familiar with his music at all?

Not really. I mean, I'd seen him, you know, jump on the stage and carry on about somebody's award at, you know, whatever shows they are, but I don't listen to that kind of music.

But he seemed to know your work. Was that surprising at all?

Well, a lot of people know my work. I've been in a number of museums. I've had some very spectacular museum shows. And I've had enormous PR. So lots of people who don't know me personally know who I am. Sometimes they get a little confused. Somebody at the doctor's office the other day said, "Aren't you an artist?" And I said, "I hope so." People say, "Oh my god, you look just like that -- you look just like Iris Apfel." And I say, "Well, there's a good reason for that."

Do you have any favorite memories of working with Albert Maysles?

Albert was a lovely, kind, gentle man. Enormously talented, and a seminal figure in the documentary world. He's credited with being the granddaddy of the great documentary. I enjoyed working with him very much. I had no idea what he was going to do, because he never told me me. He doesn't know himself when he starts out -- he just takes footage. There were some things that I thought were rather important in my life that are not in the film. And there are some things in it that I didn't think are very important. Well, I do know everyone sees life a different way and it was in the hands of the editors. Did you like it, by the way?

Yeah, I thought it was great.

Thank you. People have reacted extremely favorably. It got great reviews and it sold immediately. Everybody is happy, so who am I to say I'm unhappy? You don't argue with success.

His films are incredible. It's very sad that he passed away.

It was very, very sad and a great shock. He was ailing in the last year or two. I knew something was wrong, and he was in the hospital a few times, but they never really got to what it was. But thank goodness they had hospice at home. And he was in the bosom of his family when he died. And he died very peacefully, so I'm very happy about that. And I'm also very happy that he loved the film. With Iris as his last major project, that made me feel good. We got on very, very well. I didn't want to do it originally because I thought, 'Who the hell wants to see a documentary about me?" And I don't have anything to sell, and I have no ego problems, thank you very much. But I was talked into it, and I'm glad I was, because it was a lovely experience.

How did you two first meet?

A mutual friend, who turned out to be a producer on the film. I hadn't seen this lady in a while, and she asked what I was doing lately. And I told her I was doing a very interesting program for the University of Texas Austin's fashion school. She told Albert, and Albert's ears perked up. He said he wanted to meet me and was very interested in doing a documentary. But I said I really wasn't interested. But then I talked to Linda Fargo about it and she said I was crazy. Who the hell did I think I was, you know, to turn down Albert when most people would drop dead if he just took a still photo of them? So I went up to see him and we fell in love.

Well, I'm glad you decided to make the film, because it was really, really a lovely thing.

Everybody so far has been, you know... I don't know... I wonder if they just wanted to be nice to me. But I did read the Hollywood Reporter and Indiewire, and their reviews were glowing. And I guess they know what they're talking about. 

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Watch Toro Y Moi Get Pelted With Snacks In His New Video

papermag toro y moi.png Peep some major suburban summer vibes in Toro y Moi's new chilled-out music video for "Lilly," off his April 7th-released album What For?. Watch him wander the supermarket aisles in a Cal t-shirt and get pelted in the face with food in slow motion. The video ends with the camera bursting through a stacked canned-food pyramid and straight onto a beach. It is all very California and very deadpan. Happy coastal non-winter, and watch the video below.

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"Um, I don't know": Notes from Hilary Duff's First Tinder Date

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 5.03.49 PM.pngPhoto by Aleks Kocev/BFAnyc.com

Like a true single Brooklynite, Hilary Duff is doing what we're all doing: swiping through endless pictures of dudes showing off their chest plate tattoos or posing with tigers on Tinder in a quest for love. Like fellow celebrity Leonardo "Leonard" DiCaprio before her, Duff is the latest famous person to go on the dating app -- but she's actually following through. She told Ryan Seacrest that she went on a date with "Tom," who took her for a delightfully plebian round of bowling. But sadly, it sounds like her rendezvous was as lackluster as the Tinder dates the rest of us non-famous people are forced to endure.

When Ryan pressed Duff on any feelings she may have for her first Tinder suitor, she gave a decidedly non-plussed, "Um, I don't know, I don't know how I'm feeling. We'll see how it goes" before revealing that she has a second date with a different guy lined up this week. All of which just goes to show once and for all, that stars and the dates stars go on are unfortunately just like ours. Not that any of this is going to stop us from trying to score a booty call from Leo by wooing him with how remarkably regular we are...just sayin'.

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Pringle of Scotland Turns 200

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 12.11.04 PM.png[Photo via Style.com]

Living up to a 200 year old legacy can be daunting for a designer, but Massimo Nicosia, Head of Design at Pringle of Scotland, seems to be more than managing. This year marks the bicentennial of the brand that transformed knitwear into functional outerwear in the 1900s and invented the classic argyle pattern. So how does a designer honor Pringle's longstanding heritage without being stagnant? Remaining true to the brand's roots, Nicosia responded with lots of chunky knits in blacks, taupes and burgundys at the AW15 show during London Fashion Week. He integrated old technical details with new mediums, particularly in the form of a monochromatic look that included a grey top with mink argyle detailing throughout, paired with grey trousers.

During LFW, the company also celebrated the enormous milestone by previewing their "Fully Fashioned" exhibition at the Serpentine Gallery. "It is incredible what the researchers have found across the archives of several museums, as well as private and royal households. It is such an honour to be part of this history and see how Pringle literally transformed the wardrobe from the early 20th century," said Nicosia in a press release of the exhibit.

The exhibition, which opened to the public last month at the National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh, was curated by Central Saint Marten's Alistair O'Neill and follows the brand's roots in hosiery manufacturing up to its present-day status as a knitwear and outerwear pioneer. Pringle has also collaborated with both the Michael Clark Dance Company and the talented photographer Albert Watson to create a series of short films for the exhibit and shoot their fall campaign featuring noteworthy Scots, respectively.

"Fully Fashioned is a useful opportunity to not only mark Pringle's 200th anniversary, but to demonstrate the centrality of knitwear to the modern wardrobe," O'Neill says of the show. "The twinset has such an enduring sense of modernity about it, that it is exciting to be able to set this design classic into a broader context, showing how scottish knitwear really led the field in modernizing the twentieth century wardrobe."

The exhibition is now on display through August 16.

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Kool A.D. Forecasts Your May Horoscopes

horoscopes copy.jpgTrouble with love? Work problems? Mercury retrograde? Don't worry. Rapper, author of the forthcoming novel O.K. (Sorry House), and expert astrological navigator, Kool A.D. will safely guide you through the coming month.


Watch Killer of Sheep. Kick it with a Gemini. Listen to a song by Sage the Gemini. Burn some sage. Get drunk. Throw a one dollar bill in the garbage. Burn another one dollar bill over the kitchen sink. With a third one dollar bill, buy a piece of candy and eat it in the same room as an Aries.


U can ask "why?" a million times and a million times the answer will be "why not?" The thing a lot of people don't tell u is that "why not?" is just another way of saying "why?" So what I mean to say is that the question is the answer and the answer is the question. And that question/answer combo is Love. Love is a process, not an achievement or a destination. Knowledge is an illusion. U don't know what u know. Heaven is not a place but a feeling. Heaven is inside of u. But u already knew that.


Everything that applies to Aquarius this month applies to u this month too so read what I told them. Shoplift something. Smoke some weed. Drink some liquor. Go on a date. Raise ur voice at some point this month. Buy a good hunting knife. If you already have a good hunting knife, buy a gun. If u already have a gun, buy another one and give ur old one to somebody else.


If you know a Cancer with a gun, ask them to give it to u. Read Chekov, Nabokov, Cornel West and Frantz Fanon. Kiss a white woman. Watch an episode of a white people show like Mad Men or something. Listen to College Dropout and take a shot of expensive whiskey for every mention of drugs or alcohol. If ur in college, drop out of college. If u find urself broke and spinning ur wheels years later, try to work for a nonprofit or some sort of co-op type situation. Have kids as early as possible. Eat healthier. Or whatever, do whatever.


Looks like ur gonna break even this month but things don't look so good in terms of profits. U should be focusing less on these financial concerns tho and more on problems of integrity, urs and those around u. Don't be afraid to take a critical look at ur love life. Not the best month for u tbh.


Communication is key this month. Talk it out. Politic. Chit chat. Shoot the shit. But don't forget to listen either. Stay alert and hydrated. Like I told Pisces and Aries last month, meditate on the concept of Hello Kitty. Listen to Sly and the Family Stone.


This is a time for reflection and gratitude. Try not to drink too much. Look up how to make cannabis tincture but don't make it til like next month or even the month after or whatever do whatever. Listen to Sly and the Family Stone with a Libra and/or Gemini.


Listen to Los Crudos, Las Malas Pulgas, Fe D'Ratas Influencia, Godstomper, Chest Full of Arrows, Los Huaycos, Surcos, Baja Sociedad, Massacre 68, Los Lobos, Santana, Tower of Power, Special Forces and Leadbelly.  


I'ma tell u what I told Leo last month, listen to a lot E-40, Too Short, Mac Dre, Rappin 4-Tay, C-Bo, B Legit, Mac Mall, The Jacka, 2Pac, Andre Nickatina, Dru Down, Paris, Luniz, Yukmouth, Equipto, Iamsu, Problem, Kendrick, Schoolboy Q, Ab-Soul, D-Lo, Beeda Weeda, Cousin Fik, Davinci, Messy Marv, JT the Bigga Figga, Erk Tha Jerk, Keak Da Sneak, Migos, UGK, Three Six. Get a Trapflix subscription. Also Listen to Kanye, Jay-Z, Nas, Dipset, Beanie Sigel, Freeway, Cassidy, Meek Mill, Peedi Crack, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Common, Pharoah Monch, Chief Keef, Twista, The Roots, Big Pun, The Fugees, Mobb Deep, CNN, The Lox, The Firm, Wu-Tang, Mase, Biggie, Fabolous, Jeru The Damaja, KRS-ONE and Black Moon. Watch Loisaidas. Also listen to everything I just told Sagittarius to listen to a second ago. Also listen to Sly and the Family Stone.


Ay bruh, u know what, do whatever mane. Like fuck it bro, go in. Do u. Do ur thing. Why u listening to me for? Turn up. Wild out. Get jiggy with it namsayin. Whole hog the bitch. Ain't no half steppin. Full monty, full steam ahead. Yolo. swag swag swag. Fuck the Police. U know like WOOP WOOP DAS DA SOUND A DA POLICE feel me? Bruh. Anyway man, stay up kid. Peace Allah.


Look at the Wikipedia page for The Giver by Lois Lowry. Don't read the book tho, it's hella boring. I heard there's a movie, feel like that might be boring. Maybe get hella high and watch that movie. Consider buying a gun. Read the Wikipedia entry for IKEA. Steal something from IKEA and assemble it.


Buy a book that u already read before and throw it into the ocean. Steal another book u already read before and throw it into a swimming pool. Write a book. Buy a piece of candy and keep it close to ur bed for the whole month before eating it. Buy or steal a pair of dice.

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10 Things That Make Britney Spears Happy

DSC_1675BritneySpears.jpgphoto by Denise Truscello

Shortly after Britney Spears sent us the following list, she tweeted that her single "Oops!... I Did It Again" had just turned old enough to get a learner's permit. The pop survivor has packed a lot into her 33 years, and she shows no signs of slowing down: her Las Vegas residency, Britney: Piece of Me, is one of the hottest tickets on the strip; she recently launched a lingerie line, Intimate Britney Spears; and, if the photos she posts on Instagram are any indication, she seems to be blissfully in love. Here are 10 things that make her smile. It's Britney's Happy Ending, bitch.

1. My boys, of course!

2. Love

3. My daddy's cooking

4. A good sweaty run

5. Spa days

6. Freshly laundered sheets

7. The smell of roses

8. Beachy waves

9. A juicy romantic novel

10. Last but certainly not least... my fans!

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The 5 Best Albums and 5 Best Songs of April

Spring has sprung, and the best music of the month has been more than happy to accommodate the less shitty weather. From cloud-bursting R&B to forward-thinking, candy-coated rap to giddy punk rock, here are the five best albums and the five best songs of April.


Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 11.18.10 AM.pngYoung Thug, Barter 6

You have to hand it to a guy like Young Thug -- he's one of the most (over?) hyped-rappers in the game but still managed to unveil the clearest, most effortless project of his career, as if no one were paying him any attention at all. Bookended by two of the best things he's ever done, the marvelously alien opener "Constantly Hating" and the virtuosic closing bid "Just Might Be," Thug uses the space in-between to make a convincing bid for rap's most vital new voice. But most of the talk surrounding Barter 6 threatened to upend the actual music on the mixtape before anyone even had the chance to hear it. Originally titled Carter 6, both a jab at and an homage to Thug's idol Lil Wayne (whose Tha Carter V remains bound and gagged in label red tape), a potential lawsuit resulted in the title being changed to Barter 6 (a result of Blood gang members' fondness for changing Cs to Bs). Barbs between the two rappers, both overt and subliminal, were traded. But the strange beef the tape's mere existence created doesn't define it or detract from it whatsoever, save for the fact that Wayne's creative DNA is all over it. It does, however, provide a crucial narrative to help contextualize its importance beyond being an impressive hour of music: Barter 6 isn't about killing your idols, or even besting them. It's about transcending them.

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 11.18.36 AM.pngSicko Mobb, Super Saiyan Vol. 2
If two sentient Pokémon went in on a baggie of cheap speed together and decided to record an hour's worth of hyper-colorful rap music, the resulting effort would probably be, for all intents and purposes, unlistenable. And yet, here we have Lil Trav and Lil Ceno, who make up Chicago bop outfit Sicko Mobb, and whose second mixtape in as many years, Super Saiyan Vol. 2, is some of the most addictive and flat-out joyful music you're likely to hear this spring.

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 11.19.23 AM.pngColin Stetson and Sarah Neufeld, Never were the way she was
Saxophonist Colin Stetson and violinist Sarah Neufeld have both day-jobbed it as auxiliary members of Arcade Fire, but after working together on the soundtrack to the 2013 film Blue Caprice, the two decided to keep the ball rolling and record a joint LP all of their own. Stetson, whose avant-garde solo recordings are in a class of their own, collaborates famously well (he's recorded with the likes of Bon Iver and Tom Waits), and it shows on the darkly magnificent Never were the way she was. Neufeld's violin is a bright and nuanced foil to Stetson's fluttering skronk, and witnessing the pair defy the limitations and conventions of their instruments is a transportive experience.

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 11.19.45 AM.pngAlabama Shakes, Sound & Color
For a band that once seemed doomed to only be recognized as a "festival act" or, much worse, an obvious opener for the Black Keys, Alabama Shakes'Sound & Color is a breakthrough and a revelation. What could be considered over-stuffed -- everything from funk to punk to gospel to classic rock is on display, sometimes all in the span of a minute -- instead reads as fresh and exciting thanks to inventive compositions and a tangible soulfulness. Sound & Color is bursting with ideas, from the Zep ambitions of "Dunes" to the heavy metal blues of "Future People" to the rock odyssey "Gimme All Your Love," all of which are anchored by Brittany Howard's idiosyncratic but arresting vocal takes. Plus, it boasts the best sounding drums of the year so far.

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 11.20.39 AM.pngFred Thomas, All Are Saved
While it might seem odd for a record concerning life's insecurities, doubts and mistakes to call itself All Are Saved, Ann Arbor indie rock fixture Fred Thomas' new solo release is really about redemption. Thomas is a wonderful storyteller, and though he often relies on small moments and daily minutiae to tap into rich, often scary emotional universalities, his unflinching honesty is what makes All Are Saved such an engrossing listen. Like listening to music in your high school bedroom and being convinced that whoever was coming through your headphones could literally see inside your head, Thomas' ability to connect on that gut level feels like a salvation of its own.

Best Tracks

Snoh Aalegra, "Emotional"
There is a temptation to write off 28-year-old Swedish model and singer Snoh Aalegra as "Amy Winehouse redux" and move along, but at a time when pop radio may very well Ronson-ize itself again, her timing couldn't be any better. And "Emotional," from her debut EP There Will Be Sunshine, doesn't just rely on the derivative pleasures of its throwback sound -- Aalegra has a natural rasp in her voice that adds some welcome distinction, and the track itself (produced by RZA) hits the right, uh, emotional highs.

Tame Impala, "Cause I'm a Man"
After offering two near-perfect psychedelic rock records, Australia's Tame Impala are ready for something a little bit different. "Cause I'm a Man," the first single from the forthcoming Currents, still retains the same kind of lucid dreaminess that the band cut their teeth on, but it's pretty clear that Kevin Parker and company have their sights set on more ambitious, festival-ready fare. After just one brush with this irresistibly humid slab of slow-motion blue-eyed soul (which owes more than a little bit of credit to the Delfonics), it's hard to think of anything else worth listening to on a summer night.

iLoveMakonnen, "Whip It (Remix)" [ft. Migos and Rich the Kid]
To say that I'm not quite sold on recent OVO signee iLoveMakonnen would be something of an understatement. The rap renaissance man's latest mixtape Drink More Water 5 is occasionally charming but largely unfocused, a natural byproduct of a guy who hasn't quite yet found his voice and is scrambling to do so. But there's no denying that Makonnen has a keen ear when it comes to hooks, first evidenced on the now eternal "Tuesday." While the repeat-worthy "Whip It" remix might not be as radio-ready as "Tuesday," it's almost as undeniable. The acrobatic guest spots and perfectly over-the-top keys certainly help, but in the end, it's all about that hook. Rarely has learning how to cook base sounded so joyful.

Protomartyr, "Blues Festival"
In which your favorite band's favorite band, Detroit's very own Protomartyr, chug through four minutes and thirty seconds of searing, sneering punk rock, all while rattling off every conceivable reason why you shouldn't join a band. And yet, the warning feels doomed to go unheeded: Not when something sounds this tough, not when something feels this urgent, and certainly not when you have Kelley Deal along for the ride.

Titus Andronicus, "Dimed Out"
Not a moment too late, New Jersey punk rock saviors just dropped the new single from their forthcoming fourth album on the last day of the month. After the somewhat lackluster 2012 Local Business, the Replacements-y "Dimed Out" suggests that Titus Andronicus are a band reinvigorated, channeling the same kind of vim and vigor that made their breakthrough The Monitor a modern classic.

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"How Old Do I Look" Doesn't Know What to Do With Celebrities Who've Had Plastic Surgery

As did the rest of the internet, I spent the better half of this morning playing with Microsoft's new "How Old Do I Look" app. One of the software's guesses pegged me at 21, another at 31. I'm 32, so I'll just tap dance backward out of the room and not test my fate with any more uploads in which my crows feet are more clearly defined.

If "How Old Do I Look" is vaguely on the nose about guessing the ages of regular joes, what about celebrities who have had obvious plastic surgery? We tested a few images of stars who have either admitted to, or seemingly had, work done. For the most part, "How Old Do I Look" is not a fan of dudes with face lifts, eye lifts and nose jobs, almost always over-estimating their ages, sometimes drastically. Women fared much better, consistently having their ages under-guessed. So much for the theory that men age better than women. (Although, Axl, please tell us who your doctor is) Check our How Old Do I Looks guesses versus celebrities' actual ages below.

Real age: 56

Mickey Rourke
Real age: 62

Carrot Top
Real age: 50

Real age: 68

Burt Reynolds
Real age: 79

Dolly Parton
Real age: 69

Kenny Rogers
Real age: 76

Axl Rose
Real age: 53

John Travolta
Real age: 61

Lil Kim
Real age: 40

Howard Stern
Real age: 61

Renee Zellweger Real age: 46

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"The Party Has Arrived!" Everything We Saw and Heard at Last Night's Art Openings

Screen Shot 2015-05-01 at 2.14.21 PM.pngPieces from Yinka Shonibare MBE's Rage of the Ballet Gods at James Cohan Gallery

Spring in New York is quite possibly the best time to see art. Not only because the parks look like a hazy Monet with puffy blossoms, the white wine at the galleries is exactly what you need on a golden Thursday night, or a host of big-ticket openings and art fairs are around the corner, but also because after the longest winter, we can actually enjoy lingering over art again without dreading our first steps back outside.

At The Kitchen, a gallery and legendary performance space, artist Maria Chavez was standing in a tight cheetah print dress welcoming friends into her site-specific installation Sound Bleed. Inside viewers were quiet, surrounded by a large white curtain lit from behind. The sound of muffled movement and speaking echoed in the room, and we looked around for its source. It sounded like we were missing out on something, but all we could see was whiteness. Chavez had recorded the Kitchen's performances from the second floor and played them back in the vacant room, prompting attentiveness and then anxiousness. It was either the sounds of something happening somewhere else or the FOMO of the other art events beginning to pick up in the neighborhood, but we had to see where the action was.

From all white to black and white at Paula Cooper Gallery, Bruce Conner displayed collage, sculpture, and  photography of the San Francisco punk scene with bands like DEVO. It all pulsed with morbidity and an urge for destruction. Looking at the photographs, I glanced over and saw a man in his sixties in a tight teal suit and thick rimmed glasses. He seemed familiar like an old teacher or a friend's dad or maybe that guy in the leather jacket screaming on stage in the picture. Did these people used to party with Bruce? Was that Mark Mothersbaugh looking at himself onstage 30 years before? The punks of the 21st century arrived so we didn't wait to find out.

At Skarstedt Chelsea the collegiate art world reigned. David Salle's large paintings were invigorating, colorful pop art renditions of Americana food with a dash of abstract figures, begging to be dissected. But the crowds were looking at each other instead of the walls. The wine was getting low, so we headed to James Cohan Gallery for Nigerian-British artist Yinka Shonibare MBE's Rage of the Ballet Gods.

You know you're at the right gallery when the rosé flows freely, everyone is Instagramming incessantly, and that art world dignitary who wears the tie that looks like it's always being blow up in a storm is there. The collection of ballet dancing mannequins with globe heads and portraits of screaming people with Medusa headdresses tugged between a mythological whirlwind beauty and an underlying environmental instability. The artist, wearing similar African fabrics as his sculptures, signed books and talked with the patrons, many of them dressed as brightly as the work around them. There was a buzzing around the space that we hadn't felt in past weeks, like a tickle before a cough. People seem ready for something. A small man donning sunglasses, a caftan and two different shoes, all in neon green, walked in and declared -- while taking a long drag of his glittery Vape pen -- "The party has arrived!"

It's true. The memories of winter have thawed, the future is bright. And with the flowers and translucent ankles that have finally come out of their dark homes, the weirdos, too, are ready to party. 

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