Here's Ansel Elgort Draped in a Towel

March 23, 2015, 4:49 pm

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Thanks to us, you've already seen the 19-year-old, heartthrob actor standing in chest-high water whilst wearing a Burberry coat. Now, may we present: Ansel Algort, draped in a towel, as part of fashion photographer Mario Testino's Instagram "Towel Series." Previous towel models have included Cara Delevingne, Kendall Jenner and, most recently, Justin Bieber:

Who wore it best?

[h/t Jezebel]

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Add Some Swish to Your Look with These Kimye and Larry David Lapel Pins

March 24, 2015, 7:20 am

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You spent Valentine's Day with them, you've worked more turtlenecks into your wardrobe and you mostly respond to texts with "SWISH" or "at the zoo with my boo and my baby boo." But how else to pledge your fealty to Kimye? Australian graphic artist Georgia Perry's new Kim and Kanye lapel pins should do the trick. Perry's selling the pins for $15 AUD (that's about $12 USD) and her collection also includes Beyonce and Jay-Z, Elaine Benes and Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David -- for days you're feeling pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good -- and Oprah, because obviously. Mix and match or wear them all at once to become a walking Tumblr account. Check them out below and see more of Perry's pins here.

 

Stream Sufjan Stevens' New Album, Carrie & Lowell

March 24, 2015, 9:19 am

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Sufjan Stevens' intimate new album is now streaming. Like the previously released tracks from the project, "No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross" and "Should Have Know Better" -- in which Stevens expounds upon that time his mom left him at a video store when he was three -- Carrie & Lowell is quietly devastating. An exploration of "life and death, love and loss, and the artist's struggle to make sense of the beauty and ugliness of love," listen to the full, 11-track album, above. Carrie & Lowell is out March 31st.

[via NPR]

Watch Tom Hanks Reenact Every Tom Hanks Movie

March 24, 2015, 10:23 am

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It's about damn time we, as a society, had an 8-minute Tom Hanks film retrospective. Thanks to James Corden, who enjoyed a solid premiere as the new Late Late Show host last night, we can now relive every Tom Hanks highlight from the obligatory Forrest Gump to Big to Toy Story in a reasonable amount of time (Why do Tom Hanks movies always feel like 3+ hours long??). View the essential supercut, above.

See Zoolander and Hansel In Their First Post-Comeback Photoshoot

March 24, 2015, 11:15 am

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After Derek Zoolander and Hansel McDonald took over the Valentino catwalk during Paris Fashion Week earlier this month, the two have moved on to phase II of their comeback with a new photoshoot for the label in the City of Light. The duo show off their sculpted cheekbones (and pieces from Valentino's Spring 2015 collection) alongside fellow models Xiao Wen Ju and Tilda Lindstam. What strength! What grace! What perfectly, perfectly pouted lips.

Keep an eye out for more news about Zoolander 2, which is said to begin filming in Rome this spring and come out next February.

Photos courtesy of Valentino Facebook.

We Survived a Company SoulCycle Ride

March 24, 2015, 11:30 am

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At PAPER there seem to be two types of people: those who religiously attend SoulCycle classes every other day and those who haven't set foot in a gym since high school. Against all odds, the spin freaks managed to convince the rest of us to take part in a team ride at SoulCycle's Chelsea studio and it was a big success. Our wonderful instructor, Mantas, who wore a t-shirt that said "Surf, Yoga, Beer" on it simultaneously inspired and scared the shit out of the new riders but ultimately got everyone's heart pumping when Michael Jackson came on during the class. Legs shaking, dripping with sweat, everyone survived the ride and many agreed that they couldn't wait to come back. Maybe next time we can even convince Mr. Mickey to ride in the front row.

Here's Marc Jacobs' First Ever Instagram Post

March 24, 2015, 11:40 am

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No filter, (some filler)!

A photo posted by Marc Jacobs (@themarcjacobs) on Mar 23, 2015 at 3:36pm PDT

Well, well, well. It's 2015 and notorious social media critic Marc Jacobs is finally on Instagram. Looks like the designer's first post is a quasi-art-selfie, sans filter. (Stars, they're just like us!) While this is Marc Jacobs' first personal Instagram post in the history of ever, it should be noted that Marc Jacobs' dog, on the other hand, has had an Instagram account for years. The dog, Neville Jacobs, even gave his dad a shout out. How generous. Welcome to Instagram, Marc by Marc Jacobs.

[h/t Fashionista]

Read More: Do You Need An Instagram Intervention?

 

Fran Lebowitz Has Some Harsh Words For Men in Shorts

March 24, 2015, 1:36 pm

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In a new interview with Elle, Fran Lebowitz talks at length about her timeless personal style and what's wrong with everyone else's. An equal opportunity critic, Fran has harsh words for everyone from wearers of yoga pants to wearers of down jackets ("Please. Are you skiing, or are you walking across the street? If you're not an arctic explorer, dress like a human being.") to non-models ("Remember when the style was incredibly messy hair? That's great if you're a model. But if you're not a model, you would look better if you washed your hair, because you are not beautiful.") to steeze jackers ("I feel very strongly that almost the entire city has copied my glasses.") -- but her most withering critique is directed at men in shorts:

"I have to say that one of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts. Men never wore shorts when I was young. There are few things I would rather see less, to tell you the truth. I'd just as soon see someone coming toward me with a hand grenade. This is one of the worst changes, by far. It's disgusting. To have to sit next to grown men on the subway in the summer, and they're wearing shorts? It's repulsive. They look ridiculous, like children, and I can't take them seriously. It's like any other sort of revealing clothing, in that the people you'd most like to see them on aren't wearing them. And if they are, it's probably their job to wear them. My fashion advice, particularly to men wearing shorts: Ask yourself, 'Could I make a living modeling these shorts?' If the answer is no, then change your clothes. Put on a pair of pants."

Or, to paraphrase: Men in shorts: Shut. It. Down. Xoxo, Fran.

But it would be unfair to say that Fran didn't leave us with any positive, constructive criticism. After all, she's only trying to help:

"Not all of us are beautiful. But we can appear fine looking."

Read the rest of the interview over at Elle.

Read More: Our Guru Interview With Fran Lebowitz

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This 1963 Teen Beatnik Makeover Video Is Amazing

March 24, 2015, 1:41 pm

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The British Pathe's YouTube archive is a treasure trove of fabulously British '60s ephemera, including this hilarious 1963 segment unearthed by Dangerous Minds via Weird Universe of a teenage beatnik girl being made over into a beeeeautiful woman. When we meet our teen beatnik, she's walking down the street in an over-sized beatnik black sweater with a beatnik cigarette hanging out of her mouth and her beatnik bangs in her face. Soon, she is lured into a beauty parlor "where smart, chic women pretty themselves." Inside, a crack team of beauticians start chipping away at her dirty bohemian shell, literally rubbing a bowl of raw eggs in her hair (?) and painting her face with hot wax. In the end, she emerges refreshed and re-newed as a middle-aged woman with huge hair. She seriously could pass for 40. Give your mom an extra-big hug the next time you see her, because she had to grow up with this. Watch above.

That Time American Apparel Discovered Urban Dictionary

March 24, 2015, 5:00 pm

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American Apparel is under hot water (again!) after an employee leaked a casting call email asking for "no Instagram hoes or thots" for its ad campaigns moving forward. (For those unaware, THOT is an acronym meaning 'those hoes over there' as defined by Urban Dictionary.) The email was sent by Phira Luon who works as the Agency Director for PhotoGenics -- the casting company hired by AA. Luon has since issued a public apology accepting full responsibility for the offensive language used in the email. "The comment made at the end was made in jest with models whom I have a personal relationship with and did not reflect the views, or directives by the client. I apologize to all those who were offended or affected by my comments, as it was not my intention," Animal reports. 

AA is currently rebranding under its newly appointed CEO Paula Schneider who is working towards distancing the company from its controversial past while under the helm of former CEO and founder Dov Charney. In the past week, the company has initiated a new airbrushing policy, which will alter images featuring exposed nipples and pubic hair from its models. American Apparel Senior Vice President of Marketing Cynthia Erland is responsible for the new policy and is pushing the rebrand for the company to include "real models." But in a completely contradictory move, the employee responsible for the leaked email also alleges that Erland has criticized the models on the company's website as being too "short" and "round." The source reveals Erland's plans to cast models "who look more Eastern European or Russian," which would completely move away from the company's "regular people" stance.  

What do the current models for AA think about this? Shortly after the story leaked, Jesse Andrews, who has been a feature model for the company, released a series of tweets condemning the new CEO and the new direction the company is going. To sum up her feelings (and the rest of America's!) here's a gem from her Twitter rant that we're guessing most people will agree with:

 

Shout out to @PhotogenicsLA for sending this sick email about AA models. Go fuck yourselves pic.twitter.com/Vp1RKX3Jfy

-- Jessie Andrews (@jessieslife) March 23, 2015

[via Animal]

Watch This Jeopardy Contestant Invite Alex Trebek to Her Brooklyn DJ Night

March 25, 2015, 7:01 am

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Getting on Jeopardy is an intensive process including a difficult quiz and multiple auditions, not to mention the studying you have to cram in if you're chosen, so once you're actually behind your podium you'd better make your introduction segment with Alex Trebek worth it. Academic librarian and Greenpoint resident Jill Locascio knew this and seized her one-on-one screen time with Trebek to invite him to her monthly DJ gig at Williamsburg's Metropolitan Bar. Trebek responds with a wan "alright," which anyone who has been to Metropolitan's free Sunday summer BBQs knows is a mistake. He could be dancing to Robyn in the sun with a margarita and some potato salad that's been sitting out, but no. Though she flubbed her final Jeopardy answer, Locascio still did New York proud, nailing a question about goths. The Village Voice has a fun interview with her that you can read here. Watch Trebek blow it in the clip above.

The Boys Are Back In Town: Watch the New Entourage Movie Trailer

March 25, 2015, 9:00 am

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Four years after we last saw them, the Entourage bros are back and still down to party. In the new trailer for their upcoming movie, we see what they've been up to these last few years: Ari has been promoted to studio head (we don't know where), Vince is going to direct a movie, E and Sloan are having a baby and Turtle and Drama are still hanging. Besides catching us up to speed on their lives, the two and a half minute clip features a football team's worth of cameos that include everyone from Calvin Harris, Jessica Alba, Russell Wilson, Emily Ratajkowski, Liam Neeson and Pharrell to Ronda Rousey, Bob Saget, David Spade, Andrew Dice Clay, George Takei, Warren Buffett, Armie Hammer, Tom Brady, Kelsey Grammer, Ed O'Neill, T.I., Nina Agdal and Mark Wahlberg. The movie comes out on June 5th so you have plenty of time to round up your boys (and girls) for opening night.

Oh, Good: McDonald's Just Launched a "Lifestyle Collection"

March 25, 2015, 9:23 am

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Continuing the trend of brands desperately trying to reach millennials, McDonald's just launched what they're calling a "lifestyle collection," apparently for those proudly who lead that Big Mac lifestyle.

The collection includes home goods like wallpaper and bed sheets, as well as clothing -- for humans and dogs alike -- featuring a Big Mac print. According to AdWeek, McDonald's foray into fashion launched Tuesday at a "McWalk" fashion show in Stockholm, Sweden.

If this all seems like vaguely familiar territory, you might remember that this isn't the first time McDonald's and fashion have collided. Last year at Jeremy Scott's Moschino debut, the designer sent his models down the runway emblazoned with bastardized versions of McDonald's golden arches. And even if you missed McDonald's unofficial runway debut, you've probably internalized hundreds of burger-themed tees and sweatshirts similar to what McDonald's is offering while scrolling through Tumblr.

Unfortunately (or fortunately?) McDonald's new lifestyle collection is currently only available in Sweden, but burger-enthusiasts can peruse the Big Mac Shop here.

[via AdWeek]

Is Wendy Williams the New Member of One Direction?

March 25, 2015, 12:23 pm

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To the crushing sound of a million "NOOOOOOWHYYYY" tweets being sent at once, Zayn Malik announced that he's leaving the boy band One Direction. Although no one knows why Zayn decided to leave the band (the official party line is "stress"), perhaps he had a change of heart about the band's ethos after he discovered that a multitude of other directions actually do exist. While we may never know the real reason why our beloved Zayn abandoned ship, there are more pressing questions to answer, like: Is Wendy Williams in One Direction now?

The talk show host recently gave her thoughts on One Direction's situation with Zayn before he announced that he was leaving the band. In the midst of the controversy surrounding Zayn's decision to take a break from the band's current tour, Wendy Williams offered up her harsh opinion in a segment on The Wendy Williams Show. Almost too harsh. Suspiciously harsh, one could say. "I feel as though if you can do five-part harmony, it's just as easy to do four-part harmony," Williams said. "I say kick this guy out of the group because now, that's more money for the rest of us. We don't have to split our money five ways."

More money for the rest of us? We?

Then Williams went on to refute the possibility of replacing Zayn with a new bandmate: "We don't need to audition anybody new."

Oh. Is that because YOU'VE ALREADY REPLACED HIM, WENDY?? I'm not saying, I'm just saying. #Justice4Zayn

[via Page Six]

 

Watch Tink and Timbaland's "Rachet Commandments" Music Video

March 25, 2015, 1:17 pm

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The fiery Chicago rapper Tink just shared a music video featuring Timbaland for her latest single, "Rachet Commandments." The new track and visuals have her preaching in the club while warding off scrubs of all kinds indiscriminately. Turns out that it takes quite a lot to be able to sit with Tink. Watch the "Rachet Commandments" video, above.

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The 12 Most Annoying Club Fixtures In NYC History

March 25, 2015, 1:18 pm

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The golden age of New York clubbing -- in the 1980s and '90s -- was filled with an assortment of enchantingly cracked people who romped around town with talent and spirit. But some of them were just cracked. Here -- to honor the tradition of the 15-minute star -- are 15 of the most memorable club nightmares who ever darkened my doorstep. No, wait, that would be way too painful a raid on my memory bank. Let's just make it 12, please.

CHRISTINA

I was sort of captivated by the strung-out German transsexual, but she never made any sense and the fact that she seemed more doomed than the Lambada truly depressed me. And then there was that night at the Tunnel when she swung her birthday cake knife around at the crowd. Oh, doll.

DAINTY ADORE

The chubby little drag queen actually had a proficient operatic voice, but she was so aggressive about trying to make a name for herself that I didn't always Adore her.

SEBASTIAN, JR.

This pesky club kid always dressed like a brat and had the voice and personality to match. He was like the little girl in The Children's Hour, always trying to stir up trouble. I had to freeze the bitch out!

PSYCHO

That was this guy's club-kid name, but his problem wasn't that he was psycho at all. That would have been interesting. It's that he was bland and boring. Stop pretending!

PAGE

This appealing but troubled transsexual would reach out to me via incoherent phone messages at four in the morning. Hot mess!

 

Photo via Guest of a Guest

MISS UNDERSTOOD

This drag queen came on way too strong the night I had a birthday party at Lucky Cheng's hosted by Jerry Springer and dotted with all sorts of other offbeat celebrities. She screamed at them all to line up and sit the fuck down, as if she were a prison matron addressing Death Row inmates trying to sneak out of solitary. But hey, a drag queen working in a tourist attraction has gotta be tough, I guess.

MOP AND GLOW

This was the nickname we ascribed to a shiny clubbie named Gregory. (We also dubbed him "Gregory Hamil-tan"). Mop and Glow literally oozed. His face was always dripping with makeup and/or lacquer. He was the very dictionary of fake. Fake tan, fake moisture, fake personality. But I kind of liked him, though I always made sure to air kiss him from a great distance.

MARLON DE LA D'UNGARO

Mop and Glow's astral twin, Marlon was a weirdly surgerized guy from an unnamed European country. He radiated wannabe continental charm and was full of name-droppy conversational gambits dripping from his pillow lips, but he eventually had to return to the mystery place of his origin, no doubt because he "vanted to be alone".

 

(L-R Keoki and Michael Alig)

KEOKI

Let me not go with the obvious (Michael Alig). I'll instead choose his DJ boyfriend, who generally was a sweet guy, except for the time he impulsively jumped me by way of saying hello at the club the World and literally almost broke my back. Charmed, I'm sure.

 

JONAH FALCON

He has a big dick. Charming, but I'm not a size queen. Still, Jonah always thought he'd become famous and/or fulfilled by pestering me with phone calls saying stuff like, "I want to tell you how I showed my penis to Leonardo and his friends" or "I'm the guy with the large penis. I'm sure you noticed me dancing in the audience at the Donna Summer concert last night". But again, I like him!

JAMIE

A nasty employee at the "Slimelight" who for one glorious night got to man a VIP rope for a party in the chapel. His head spinning with power, Jamie denied me entrance that night, muttering to a friend that I was a "tired old queen." I was 29! Later on, the lovely Jamie called me at home -- not to apologize for his behavior, mind you, but to complain about my writeup of it!

VOMIT MAN

This is what I call the guy I met at Jackie 60 who came home with me in the '90s and proceeded to puke all over my living room. And somehow he was shocked when I threw him the fuck out! Oh, and did I mention that I'd caught him rifling through my pants pockets at one point? Not exactly husband material. The next time I ran into him, he gushed all over me and said he owed me another try. Honey, there isn't enough Lysol in the world.

Read More Musto!

10 Sleazy Gay Places From NYC's Glory Days

The 10 Worst Nightclubs in NYC History 

8 Forgotten Hangouts That Made NYC Special 

The 30 Best Gay Bars in NYC 

"Someone Had Just Died on the Dance Floor:" True Tales of '80s Nightlife Insanity 

An Ode to Zayn Malik

March 25, 2015, 2:30 pm

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I am not a fan of One Direction. I am a fan of one Direction: Zayn Malik. 

Out of all the boys of 1D, it makes sense that Zayn would be the D that would depart the band first. He is, after all, the thinking man's D. The D of the disenfranchised and the outsiders. The only D I need. 

Do you remember where you were the first time you first whispered the name Zayn? I do. Hunched over my work computer, an old episode of SNL playing in the background, when suddenly a cherubic brown-faced boy appeared on my screen full of swagger, wrapped in a crimson blazer singing about "One Thing." 

He was singing it directly to you. 

You could feel it almost immediately, couldn't you? This boy was different. This boy had something special. Why were these white back-up singers being so prominently featured when it was so clear this performance should be singularly about this one creature that you and you alone so clearly dreamed into existence. This boy -- oh shit. 

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. 

How old was this guy? Was what I'm feeling even legal? Oh no.

Thankfully, after a few moments of furtive, breathless Googling, you were relieved to learn that he was 19. Which is still not great -- you realize that, right? 

But to your surprise, you weren't alone in your adoration. The various denizens of Gay Twitter, Feminist Twitter and Black Twitter --  frequently at odds in an ongoing war of microaggressions and problematic pop culture -- banded together at once to rally behind Zayn. Grown men and women united together by their love for every one of his ill-advised tattoos, his devotion to his family and heritage, his bravery in the face of internet cruelty. If there was one group of people who could stand in the face of the terrifying hordes of teenagers that made up One Direction Twitter, it was us.

Through feats of projection and fantasy, adults across the internet would claim Zayn as their own, imposing their own individual narratives onto his story. The beautiful outsider, the misunderstood bad boy, a brooding woodland creature for us to collectively protect and objectify. While the rest of One Direction busied themselves with youthful indiscretions and perfecting the hetero piggyback ride, Zayn had bigger things to deal with: getting engaged and grappling with Islamophobia. 

Despite all indications that this band was not for us -- for people pushing 30 with real jobs and real problems  -- somehow Zayn's presence made us feel welcome. 

I should maybe clarify that he's not dead. Zayn is not dead. He just quit a job, like you or I. He will continue to be an object of affection and lust. But now that he's left the band, he's taken with him our last remaining connection to the bottom rung of the Millennial tentpoles. 

So we shall sit and grow old. Walk into the sea or turn into pillars of salt, disintegrating silently into the wind until death finally takes us. Or Zayn's first solo project is released.

Photo via Instagram.

The Sunday Funnies

March 15, 2015, 4:50 am

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You just can't beat 4.5 bathrooms. [LaughterKey]

Score, a direct hit. [Mlkshk]
 
Same, Reesa the Great Dane, same. [TastefullyOffensive]

OK, but do you have to do something to join? [AfternoonSnoozeButton]

Stay humble, Jaden Smith. [AfternoonSnoozeButton]


Cats vs. their mortal enemy, the humidifier. Only one shall survive. [TastefullyOffensive]
 

Michelle Obama and Ellen perform a sort-of complicated dance to "Uptown Funk." Respect. [Uproxx]
 

Meanwhile, Obama read mean tweets about himself on Jimmy Kimmel. Special dad jeans shout out at the end

Noooooooooooooo! [Mlkshk]


Perfection. [Mlkshk]


Watch this bird steal fur from a sleeping dog for its nest. Rude! [TastefullyOffensive]
 
Let it goat, let it gooo-aaaat,. [Mlkshk]

[Click here for more]

Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp a Butterfly Comes Out a Week Early

March 16, 2015, 2:34 am

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Though it wasn't slated to drop until next week, Kendrick Lamar's much anticipated, exceptionally titledTo Pimp a Butterfly was released in-full  last night on iTunes ahead of its 3/23 release date.

Though leaks and surprise early-releases are pretty much now de rigueur, the CEO of Kendrick's label, Anthony "Top Dawg" Tiffith, apparently wasn't happy.

I WOULD LIKE 2 PERSONALLY THANK @Interscope FOR FUCKING UP OUR RELEASE... SOMEBODY GOTS 2 PAY 4 THIS MISTAKE !!!! #TOP

-- dangeroo kipawaa TDE (@dangerookipawaa) March 16, 2015

Any issues with Interscope have apparently been swept under the rug, however, with Lamar later tweeting this:

Keep calm. All is well.

-- Kendrick Lamar (@kendricklamar) March 16, 2015

Stream to Pimp a Butterfly on Spotify below.

 

[Click here for more]

Jimmy Kimmel's Lie Witness News Returns With a Special Obama Edition

March 16, 2015, 4:15 am

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Jimmy Kimmel's Lie Witness News returns with a special President Obama Edition, in honor of POTUS' visit to the show last week. (Watch him read some wonderfully vicious tweets HERE.) In the segment, the Kimmel Krew asks passerby on Hollywood Blvd. their opinions on everything from Obama's new earrings to the fact that he didn't circumcise his new son, Marcus. Their answers will make your palms sweat and prove once again that if you put a camera in peoples' faces, they'll lie their asses off.
[Click here for more]