#TBT: Before She Was Leslie Knope, Amy Poehler Was a 90's Hacker

February 26, 2015, 1:50 pm

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In honor of the series finale of the beloved Parks and Recreation, Second City dug up a compilation of scenes from a 1995 pilot, RVTV, starring a 23-year-old Amy Poehler. The clip features Poehler "hacking the NRA's supercomputer" and showcases more of her charmingly limited rap skills, which is always a welcome bonus. The Second City pilot also stars improv guru Del Close and Matt Dwyer, who told Splitsider, "I honestly do not recall where the concept came from." After watching Del Close remove his dentures and smack them against his face, we can totally understand how this special sort of brilliance would be blocked from everyone's memory. Relive the 90s with Amy Poehler, above.

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Watch Kanye's Epic Interview with Zane Lowe

February 26, 2015, 2:30 pm

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If you thought Kanye West said all he needed to say in his sprawling Breakfast Club interview, you'd be wrong, naturally. Two years ago, West sat down with Zane Lowe for a devastatingly thorough three-part interview and now the two have been reunited for an equally epic conversation in which, yes, a few tears are shed. 'Ye talked to the BBC Radio 1 host about everything from his new album (it sounds like "joyful noise unto the lord"), what goes on in his meetings with President Obama, Drake (he declares Drizzy "the hottest rapper" and gives him some practical advice: "Run. Fly. Go as fast as you can. Don't stop."), and, of course, Kim Kardashian. He also expands on his thoughts about accessible fashion, following the release of his Adidas collection, Yeezy Season 1. Listen to the interview, above. 

Your Guide to #TheDress

February 27, 2015, 5:08 am

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It all started Wednesday when this photo of an arrestingly fugly dress was posted online by Tumblr user Swiked with the directive to determine its color: Was it white and gold or blue and black? For some looking at the specific photo above, it was white and gold. For others, blue and black. And, as was the mind-melting case for us and Questlove, for some it looked unquestionably one way upon first viewing, but later changed.

Then there was proof: The dress, from a UK brand called Roman, was "royal blue" and black.

More damming to gold-and-whiters: The original Tumblr poster added more photos of the dress, which was worn by someone at a wedding she was at.  And that's, without a doubt, a blue dress. 

It was clear we had a good old-fashioned optical illusion on our hands, but what seemed more important than the how and why behind it all was what dress camp you fell into. Were you a white and gold person or a blue and navy person? By early Thursday evening, a clear divide had formed between each side on Tumblr and Twitter, a schism so large that it threatened to suck up left shark, Kim Kardsahian's butt and those two llamas that had been on the loose in Arizona into its void. Goodbye, internet, you beautiful bitch.

At first, it was easy to dismiss this as a case of a weird saturation issue from a cell phone photo. The lighting was bad. The color correction had been messed with. The levels were off. So why was this exploding?  Meme expert Neetzan Zimmerman described this phenomenon to Motherboard as "viral singularity:" It was visual, digestible and, hence, shared organically over and over again. Plus, as various pieces were churned out about color perception with quotes from neurologists and vision experts, whatever opinion you had also possibly pointed to some personal hard-wired, biological shortcoming of your own. What was wrong with you? It was like FOMO by way of Web M.D. by way of the Matrix.

Will we ever be the same? Below, some highlights from The Dress 2015:

Celebrities including Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian weighed in. (Kim saw white and gold, Kanye saw black and blue.) And don't even  talk to Mindy Kaling, team white-and-gold. There's no room for you at her inn. 



Taylor Swift was team black and blue.


Julia Louise Dreyfus saw brown and blue. No comment.


This was how we felt, Anna Kendrick, UNTIL IT CHANGED ON US.


Everyone Pray for Marina.




Then Pretty Little Liars star Keegan Allen had to shade us and Kim Kardashian. Sad clown.
 



[FierceGifs]



[EdgeDestroys]

[RenegadeIsInMyBlood]


Finally, were our two favorite responses to all of #TheDress "I'm signing of Twitter for the next 24 hours"-haters out there. Can we live, too-cool-for-school Twitter?:

 

Watch Iggy Izalea and Jennifer Hudson in "Trouble"

February 27, 2015, 8:36 am

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Iggy Izalea might not be tweeting anymore, but, like it or not, she's still making music. The former Paper cover girl teamed up with Jennifer Hudson for her new single, "Trouble" off Reclassifed, the reissue of her debut album, The New Classic. Directed by Iggy Azalea herself, the visuals for "Trouble" feature Iggy as the Bonnie to her bad news boyfriend's Clyde and Jennifer Hudson as a cop. It's nothing too exciting, but if anyone could take the thrill out of forbidden love it would be famed pizza-hater Iggy Azalea. Watch "Trouble," above.

The 5 Best Albums and 5 Best Songs This Month

February 27, 2015, 9:30 am

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February has been a super weird month for music: Dancing sharks, controversial guacamole recipes, you name it. But as far as stuff you can actually collect on your hard drive, things felt a little less... varied. That is, of course, wholly dependent upon how high your machismo threshold is. Dick-swinging surprise releases, idiosyncratic lovermen and dudes (and Dudes!) in general seemed to dominate a good chunk of the conversation. And that's not even considering that Yeezy season is approaching. But some of it was with very good reason, as evidenced here in this month's music roundup.

Best Albums

Father John Misty -- I Love You, Honeybear
Josh Tillman has lived many lives, from Christian college dropout to unnoticed troubadour to drummer for indie powerhouse Fleet Foxes to, finally, Father John Misty, a mischievous zealot more known for his onstage sexpotting and and offstage crackpotting than the guy who made 2012's Fear Fun. That is until I Love You, Honeybear, Tillman's second Misty effort, a deeply romantic, poignantly funny, frequently toxic and ultimately humanizing album that ranks as one of the most transfixing listens in recent memory. Tillman is a wonderful but complicated storyteller, spinning yarns that are problematically combative ("The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apartment," in which Tillman spurns a psuedo-intellectual lover), unique in perspective ("Nothing Good Ever Happens at the Goddamn Thirsty Crow," a rumination on the difficulties of remaining faithful on the road), and nose-thumbingly audacious (single "Bored in the USA," which comes complete with a canned laughing track; the beautifully sarcastic "Holy Shit"). Inside each and every one of these songs can you hear the voice of a man so clearly in love. As with the lovely closing track, which recounts the past and imagines the future with his new bride, it's the softest moments that hit the hardest.

Drake -- If You're Reading This It's Too Late
While the surprise album is no longer a novel concept, it still is an exciting one. Appearing on iTunes the day before Valentine's, Drake's 17-track for-pay mixtape If You're Reading This It's Too Late came out of the clear blue, inspiring fans to open up their wallets and take to Twitter for excitable midnight live-Tweet sessions. Though technically not an album (that distinction belongs to his upcoming Views From the 6), it still moved like one, selling over half a million units and debuting at number one. But despite looming arguments over what Too Late actually "is," the fact that Drake himself treated the project like a mixtape is what really makes it tick. It simultaneously seems to function as an airing of grievances (many see it as a bid to get out of his Cash Money contract amidst the label's current dramas), and a creative cracking of the knuckles that's as sonically ambitious as it is quotable. It's also a reinstatement of dominance, which is more than a little funny considering Drake's current standings atop the rap heap. Initially, many misheard the lyric "Runnin' through the six with my woes" on "Know Yourself" as "Runnin' through the six with my wolves." It's an ironic little mondegreen, because more than anything else, Too Late is the sound of Drake ferociously marking his territory everywhere he goes. To drive the point home, he closed out the month by having every single track from Too Late make the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, breaking a record previously held by, yep, Drake.

Jeff Bridges -- Sleeping Tapes
In which an Academy Award winner casually chats with children about flying in dreams, surprises you with a hang-glider ride at the end of a metaphysical hike, and envisions himself cremated in a satellite passing over an IKEA. Jeff Bridges' Sleeping Tapes is likely one of the strangest things you'll hear all month, but also one of the most strangely rewarding. Part ambient sleep aid, part free-associative spoken word album and a nice accompaniment to a lukewarm cup of mushroom tea, the project finds the actor teaming with True Detective composer Keefus Ciancia (and Squarespace, who are helping offer up the album as a pay-what-you-can benefiting No Kid Hungry) in an effort to make the world a little less weary. Though Sleeping Tapes is more about little moments than the big picture -- from Bridges' transfixing humming techniques ("Hummmmmm") to his musings on the benefits of late-night bathroom trips ("A Glass of Water") -- the charm lies in the lack of cohesion. And at the end, you get to hear him take a pee.

Title Fight -- Hyperview
Sometimes the most exciting things come from unassuming places. In the case of melodic punk band Title Fight, that place is Northeastern Pennsylvania. Hailing from the working class town of Kingston, the foursome has long been on the Alternative Press set's radar, but have finally come into their own on their third record, Hyperview, one of the most excellent straight-up rock records of the new year. Like a lot of the best guitar music being made today, it's both instantly familiar and relatable, yet difficult to assign a genre tag to. Combining elements of post-hardcore, shoegaze, pop punk and anthemic indie rock, there's something for everyone -- and sometimes all at once, like on the titanic album centerpiece "Rose of Sharon."

Aphex Twin -- Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments pt2 EP
Call it The Sound of the Funky Drummer 2.0. As an amendment to September's Syro, Richard D. James' first album under his Aphex Twin moniker in 13 years, Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments pt2 is a brief but satisfying reminder of just how good the guy is with percussive elements. Here, James unassumingly showcases a myriad of expertly crafted plunks and thrums and keys just ripe to be picked over by Soundcloud hounds for remixing. Speaking of which, if you want to really slip yourself into an Aphex wormhole, the guy's uploaded over a hundred tracks to his "secret" Soundcloud page this past month alone.

Best Tracks

Fifth Harmony -- "Sledgehammer"
As pop's current reigning girl group, Fifth Harmony had a real opportunity to knock it out of the park with Reflection, the former X Factor contestants' debut studio album that was released earlier in the month. To say they fell short would be generous, in that the try-hard Reflection is relentlessly hokey and derivative (hard to believe that Britney's camp isn't feeling a little bit litigious over that breakdown in "This Is How We Roll"). But then there's "Sledgehammer," the album's second single that was released all the way back in October, entered the Top 40 in early January and was just certified gold around the beginning of this month. Now all but inescapable on radio, its ubiquity makes total sense: Rock solid hook, crazy big drums and, most of all, that sticky little "youretakinoverthebeatofmybodee-ee" part. More like this one next time, please.

Speedy Ortiz -- "Raising the Skate"
Speedy Ortiz is slowly shaping up as one of the better '90s-revival bands, and most of that has to do with chief songwriter and frontwoman Sadie Dupuis. "Raising the Skate" is further proof that the New England four-piece are still a step ahead of their ever-multiplying peers, probably because they write better lyrics and more weirdly compelling, complicated melodies. "I'm not bossy, I'm the boss," Dupuis insists on this first single from their upcoming Foil Deer. Far be it from us to say otherwise.

Hot Chip -- "Huarache Lights"
15 years into their career, Hot Chip are a band that has accomplished so much, yet still feels like they have something to prove. "Huarache Lights," the first single from the English dance mavericks' sixth full-length Why Make Sense?, proves that's good news for us. Subtly paying respect to late, great DJ Rashad, the band has crafted yet another inspiriting but expectedly melancholy single that ranks among their best. Love those little "hey-ah!"s.

Lotic -- "Heterocetera"
J'Kerian Morgan, who records as Lotic, makes nightmare music for eggheads. "Heterocetera," the title track from his debut EP is the best encapsulation of what he does best, a push-and-pull between the divine and the harrowing. Similar to his Tri Angle label-mate and Kanye West collaborator Evian Christ, Lotic's music is a study in contrast. With "Heterocetera" that impression is felt with eerie toy music box synths and magnetic field pulses, over what sounds like a swarm of mechanized killer bees.

Kanye West -- "All Day"
And we don't even have the studio version yet.

ICYMI: Kanye Apologized to Beck, Wants to Make Music with Bruno Mars

February 27, 2015, 10:00 am

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In the latest Kanye news, the almighty Yeezus extended an apology to Beck on Twitter. (Was it this peace-making mash-up that changed his mind or did he actually give Morning Phase a listen?) Kanye was feeling so generous last night that he also apologized to Bruno Mars, who I guess he was secretly shit-talking this whole time, and invited him to sing a hook for a new song. Kanye is making friends and experiencing emotions! How nice.

I would like to publicly apologize to Beck, I'm sorry Beck.

-- KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 26, 2015

I also want to publicly apologize to Bruno Mars, I used to hate on him but I really respect what he does as an artist.

-- KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 26, 2015

I also would love for Bruno to sing this hook on this song 88 Keys / Puff and I produced... I even asked Tyler to shoot the vid.

-- KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 26, 2015

"Everyone Has These Primal Desires:" A Chat With the Organizer of the NYC Porn Film Festival

February 27, 2015, 10:08 am

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Porn: everyone watches it, but no one wants to talk about it. It was with this basic premise in mind that UK-born, Brooklyn-based artist Simon Leahy put together New York's first-ever pornographic film festival, which is going down this weekend at Bushwick art space Secret Project Robot. The lineup is impressively diverse; from a talk by cultural critic Cindy Gallop to a "clothing optional" party to art house horror-porn to Tila Tequila getting fucked in the ass and a screening of James Franco's Interior. Leather Bar., it's clear Leahy values heavy lifting as much as he does heavy petting. "What we're trying to facilitate is a discussion, and maybe a celebration," he explains.

As an art school grad with a background in radical queer activism, organizer of the Bushwig drag festival, and one third of dance-punk act Bottoms, Leahy seems uniquely qualified to put on a festival that's stimulating to brains and genitals alike. As he rushed around making last minute preparations earlier this week, I called Leahy up for a chat about masturbation etiquette, the line between art and porn, and 2 Girls 1 Cup.

Hi Simon! What are you doing right now?

I'm at Secret Project Robot setting up the show. I have so much fucking work to do! We're just setting up the gallery and installing some paintings and stuff for the festival. We have these beautiful photos by Juliet Taylor called Creatures of the Night. They're these gorgeous portraits of transsexual sex workers at a park in Paris.

How did this festival come into being?

I had the idea to do a porn festival in my mind for three years. And then after Bushwig this year, I was really sad because I had nothing to do. And after Bushwig was such a huge success, I had some time on my hands and I was like "fuck it, now's a good time to do a new project" and this happened. It was only gonna be one day, but then we did the open submission calls and PornHub got involved and threw us a bit of money, so we could expand the schedule and fly people in. Then that thing happened, which got us crazy global press, and now everyone knows about it, it's this huge thing.

So what was the deal with the Miley thing? I feel like you got a lot of weird press from that.

No comment!

Fair enough. What are you hoping to achieve with this festival?

My main interest was basically, "how does porn affect people?" How does porn affect people socially and mentally? And maybe physically. Also, I've been to a lot of festivals, queer festivals, and I didn't want it to be a festival like "God, this is a queer porn film festival." Because I feel like, actually, the porn that people consume isn't necessarily feminist or queer or arty or weird. It's clips you find on sites like Pornhub. I didn't want to shy away from showing the actual content the mainstream consumes. As an experiment, I wanted to get a diverse body of people in a room and show the porn that's being made for a mass audience. The porn that makes money. And I think that in itself could be really powerful and people can draw their own conclusions on what it is, or what it means socially. And it's fun! It doesn't have to be so serious.

Porn is such a polarizing issue...I feel like there are people who think it's ruining society, and people who think it's totally harmless, but the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

Also, there's a lot of hypocrisy surrounding porn. People are like, "oh, you know it's disgusting, it's violent towards women," but people consume it. It's a bizarre double standard. A lot of political activists are like "this is so fucking wrong" but totally watch it. What is going on? We're not shaming anyone, we just want to show it and talk about it and have people engage with it in a different context, apart from their five minute jack-off in the bedroom.

What we're trying to facilitate is a discussion, and maybe a celebration. It's okay to have desires. Not all women that are sex workers or porn stars are being abused. No more than working at McDonald's. Porn can be highly politicized and I think it's interesting to talk about these issues because I feel like they underpin a lot of capitalist society's ideas of work, labor, oppression, et cetera.

How is the porn in the festival organized?

We're mixing things up as much as possible. We don't wanna go along any certain discourse of "oh, here's the feminist section." Basically, you're gonna come and see things that are really pornographic, things you might get off on, and things that are gonna shock you. A mixture of sexy, riot, queer, hetero, bisex, trans-sex, no sex, asexual people, all people, young people. A plethora.

Where's the line between art and porn? Or is it more of a fuzzy grey area?

There are overlaps. We're trying to walk the line. It could be a fucking disaster.

Are people allowed to masturbate in the theater? What's the etiquette there?

No, you're not! People aren't allowed to come and jack off. But you can maybe do it in the bathroom quickly, and hurry up if there's a line.

How did PornHub get involved? It's kind of crazy to see such a big company sponsoring something at Secret Project Robot.

It was kind of a roundabout way. Cindy Gallop [of Make Love Not Porn] suggested some people there,  because I was like,"if we can get money we can get a talk schedule going and pay people for their time." So we reached out to them and they were like "yeah, this is great, we're down." But also, I feel like PornHub are more of a tech firm than a porn site. They're more like YouTube or Google. They don't actually produce porn, they're basically a media sharing website at heart.

How do your filmmakers break down, in terms of identity?

The weird thing is that when the open submission call happened, we went really broad. It went slightly mainstream, so straight hetero males would have read it. But most of the people submitting stuff, 70% of the people were women. Even though porn is very male-dominated, the hetero, cis white men haven't stepped up to really produce anything.

You've got some Vivid stuff though, right?

I had to ask for that stuff. I wanted to show this porn people consume to a vast audience like, "hey, look at this. Is this okay? How does everyone feel about it? Is anyone being oppressed? Who's benefiting from this? Is it enjoyable?" All these things. I'm really pleased they gave us the Tila Tequila one. We asked for the Kim Kardashian tape first, but they can't show it anywhere. She's over porn.

What are you hoping to achieve by including celebrities in the fest?

The world of celebrity is so fucking insane. For example, Interior. Leather Bar, James Franco's film -- I think if James Franco wasn't famous and that film had come out, it would've been received differently. Some people were like "this is the worst film" and some more artsy publications were like "this is really good" but I feel like, because of James Franco and because of the weight of his celebrity, it distorts the way people view things. Things are viewed through this skewed lens. It's fucking weird. He might be coming! He said "maybe." If he comes, I've already told my girls to keep their fucking hands off him.

What was your criteria when selecting programming?

Variety, but also...my attention span is not very good. So we don't wanna show 40 minutes of fucking lovers running through a field naked or something. The focus was on short films. No one wants to sit through 40 minutes of boring porn. Personally, I always skip to the money shot, honey.

Sometimes the acting is the best part.

Well, we have a film that is basically tons of gay porn but with all the sex edited out so its just the dialogue before sex. Which is a short as well, so no one will get bored.

How has porn affected your life?

I'm married and monogamous now, but before I was interested in the fetishization of bareback sex and AIDS, basically. What happened to the gay community after the crisis, after everyone died, and then the '90s we were fed these slogans...studios like Treasure Island Media started making films where they tear the condom off and fuck, or do drugs and have crazy bareback orgies...I feel like everyone has these primal desires, and some people go there, like some of my friends do the shit that they've seen in porn. But personally, I've done things that I've regret. I've put myself in situations that could have been bad for my health, and whether that was due to porn or not is a question. But I don't need an answer for it. I'm an adult, and this is sexuality. There's no shame in it.

I've definitely been in situations where a guy tried to bust out a move he saw in porn and I was like, "what are you doing, this is awful."

Sometimes it's cool, depending on how they do it. I've been in those situations too where it's like, "can you stop sounding like a porn star, it's not hot." Like, first of all you're Irish, I don't know where the fake American accent came from, honey. And second, I'm not a fucking porn star and you don't look like one either!

I feel like they get women's pleasure especially wrong -- or at least what's pleasurable for the majority of women. I realize not everyone likes the same things.  

I feel like women's voices are pushed aside in the mainstream media narratives...and there's a lot of shame around women having a sexuality. In England they just banned female ejaculation. The video-recording of female ejaculation is banned in England. You can go to prison for filming a woman ejaculating. It's like, why? These things have bigger political implications about the Catholic society and control and oppression. It could lead into those big heavyweight discussions. And there are crazy laws in America, like obscenity laws, which we're thinking about doing a schedule on next year.

It's basically up to the government and the lawyers to decide what is obscene and without cultural merit. That's fucked up. [Bottoms singer] Jake and I have this idea about doing these pieces around testing the obscenity laws, which is really highly political and we could go to prison, but we don't care! Me and Jake are gonna reproduce 2 Girls 1 Cup as frightening drag queens. 

I mean, the Real Housewives shows are pretty low on cultural merit, but you don't see those people getting thrown in jail. 

I feel like everything should be free and open for discussion without the threat of imprisonment. It's the policing of thought.

What are you most looking forward to about the fest?

I'm looking forward to doing what I set out to do, which is to show porn and get people in a room together to watch it. And to see how people react, and what they take away from it.

The NYC Porn Film Festival kicks off tonight and runs through the weekend. Tickets and times here. 

A$AP Rocky's Fashion Philosophy is Magical

February 27, 2015, 12:47 pm

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A$AP Ferg might have the dopest runway walk in rap, but A$AP Rocky one ups his crew member in terms of fashion metaphors. In an interview with Complex, Rocky outlined his thoughts on personal style, noting the parallels between fashion and wizardry. His style advice?

"Don't get it if it's not you, you know? And if it's your thing it'll be natural. It's like.... You ever saw Harry Potter?"

Of course!

"Your wand has to choose you, as opposed to you choosing your wand. That's what fashion is like, man. You gotta let it take control of you. You don't know, sometimes it is stepping out of your own comfort zone, but it is what it is."

Please let this quote be the first in a long line of Harry Potter-themed motivational speeches from A$AP Rocky because a girl can't survive on Werner Herzog inspirational posters alone.

[via Complex]

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It Was Very Normal When John Travolta Kissed Scarlett Johansson, Says Scarlett Johansson

February 27, 2015, 2:35 pm

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As was the case with last year's Oscars, this year's highlight was far and away John Travolta, who made it clear to viewers at home that, as a human man in the vicinity of human women, he just can't keep his hands to himself. What a dog!

Though it appeared that Scarlett Johansson didn't have enough side-eye in the world to convey how uncomfortable she looks in this red carpet photo of Travolta unexpectedly kissing her on the cheek as she posed for cameras, she says it was a welcome and completely normal experience.

In an interview the Associated Press, Johansson said, "there is nothing strange, creepy or inappropriate about John Travolta." She added:

"The image that is circulating is an unfortunate still-frame from a live-action encounter that was very sweet and totally welcome. That still photo does not reflect what preceded and followed if you see the moment live. ... I haven't seen John in some years and it is always a pleasure to be greeted by him."

Indeed, here's a video of how natural, not strange and appropriate it all was:

What's the Deal With America's Fittest Couple?

February 27, 2015, 3:00 pm

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While everyone's been obsessed with #TheDress, there's been another little meme-let circulating among certain corners of the Internet: America's Fittest Couple. Jon and Lyuda -- or AFC (as we'll heretofore call them) -- are a twentysomething couple who live in Palm Beach and who run a gloriously head-scratching fitness and nutrition blog that resembles a real-life version of Body By Trey. And we have so. many. questions. First of all:

Is this real?

Equal parts basic fitness advice ("Make Stretching a Habit"), love-y dove-y relationship anecdotes, workout selfies and mind-numbing video montages of the couple working out while Game of Thrones-esque music plays in the background, the blog seems like it's got to be some elaborate piece of performance art, right? Right? Maybe not. It turns out this isn't the first website AFC has created. Jon has a separate blog called 'Creating Substance' in which he models himself after some sort of Tony Robbins-meets-Tony Little fitness guru. There's lots of cryptic, cult-y sounding, capitalized catchphrases ("the Framework," "Creating Substance Tamed Beast Cycle ©," "Feel Good State," "Substance Creators") and blogs with titles including "The Substantial Erection," "Eat Some Imported Bread" and "Take Control of Your Bowels." Meanwhile, their "About" reads:

Lyuda and Jon met at the Harvard indoor track on a snowy New England evening in the fall of 2011, where it was love at first sight.
 
Over the last three years, the couple has pursued their passion for fitness, nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle. Much of what they've learned thus far came from trial and error, and their progress has been anything but a straight-arrow path. The two have grown and matured together and have pushed each other to go the extra mile in their fitness and diet routines.

Lyuda and Jon's goal?  To become America's Fittest Couple. And they welcome you along for the journey.  You'll learn the many strategies and secrets they already know, and you'll benefit from the new knowledge they gain going forward.

While we can only hope Jon and Lyuda are trolling us, our better instincts tell us that yep, this is real and it's spectacular.

And:

What do they mean when AFC says they're looking for "like-minded couples"?

If you click "Date" in the navigation column, it takes you to a contact page inviting the aforementioned like-minded couples to get in touch with them if they're into a day of hard exercise or frozen bananas. But, uh, what kind of "hard exercise" and "frozen bananas" are we talking about here? Is this actually a swingers ad? Actually...then this whole thing would make so much more sense.

And finally:

Does AFC really only eat out once a year?

"Every year, America's Fittest Couple designates one day for "eating out." Because it is such a rare occasion, plans are made months in advance and the location is carefully selected. Usually, the Annual Restaurant Meal is aligned with one of the three holidays the Couple celebrates: their anniversary, Lyuda's birthday, or Valentine's Day. "...While the Annual Restaurant Meal is a highly anticipated event in the Couple's household, mobilizing to actually get there and follow through with it requires tremendous resolve." Say whaaat?

If you need to find us, we'll be pondering these questions while we're working on our glutes. #LegDay

The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

February 27, 2015, 3:30 pm

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Best Half-Vulcan/Half-Human...Ever: This guy. RIP Leonard Nimoy. -- James Rickman

Biggest Win for #TeamTurtleneck of the Week: Kimye, sporting his-and-her turtlenecks. Everyone knows that true love is best expressed through matching, neck-friendly apparel. -- Gabby Bess

(Photo by Matthu Placek, courtesy of Yoko Ono)

Best Response to Haters: Yoko Ono. Here's some of what she has to say: "I am covering my ears not to listen to you guys! Because dancing in the middle of an ageism society is a lonely trip. Don't stone me! Let me be! Love me plenty for what I am!" Haters gonna hate, but Yoko's gonna Yoko. -- Evan Siegel

Best Step Toward Authentic Identities on Social Networks: Facebook now allows you to define your own gender (as long as you use the English-language version). A promising sign, especially after the efforts of Sister Roma and countless others forced the platform to address its "fake name" policy last year. -- J.R.

Most Bad-Ass Local News Cameo of the Week: Erykah Badu's. The singer appeared in a segment on Dallas-Fort Worth airport delays and delivered an A+ zinger. Watch it again, above. -- Abby Schreiber

Best Technological Advancement in the Past Century: A robot that feeds you tomatoes while you run. Who needs cliff bars when you have tomatoes? -- E.S.

Most Palatable Justin Bieber Song of the Week: Where Are Ü Now. The Biebs teamed up with Diplo and Skrillex for a track on their debut album as Jack Ü. Surprisingly, when Justin Bieber sensually croons where are you know that I need you I don't cringe at all, so good job Diplo and Skrillex! -- G.B.

Least Punk of all UN Agencies: WHO. I don't care if you have my best interests in mind, World "Health" Organization, there's no way I'm cutting my music listening down to one hour a day, man. -- E.S.

Best Impersonation of the Week: Christina Aguilera's spot-on impression of Britney Spears on The Tonight Show. -- Tené Young

The Sunday Funnies

March 1, 2015, 8:30 am

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Saturday Night Live did a parody commercial about a teenage girl joining ISIS on last night's episode. (And, as these things go, some people on Twitter are upset about it.) Taran Killam is really good at playing dads. [Uproxx]

Read while drinking a 44 oz glass of whiskey. [Mlkshk]


This is ~the look~. [FYouNoFMe]

California is so cool and fun. [FYouNoFMe]


A good friend. [TallWhitney]



This man was driving in Maine and got pulled over by a friendly, lost pig. They hang out together for a bit in this video. Only in Bradford! (The pig found his way home, P.S.) [TastefullyOffensive]



:(  [FYouNoFMe]

 Just wanna be best friends with Dad/Brian. [AfternoonSnoozeButton]


Only Mummy Things. [FYeahDementia]


Watch this cat have an epiphany while it gets its teeth brushed. [TastefullyOffensive]

Kanye West Reveals The Name of His New Album

March 1, 2015, 9:15 am

≫ Next: Carly Rae Jepsen Returns Triumphant with "I Really Like You"

≪ Previous: The Sunday Funnies

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Early this morning, Kanye West announced on twitter that the name of his much-anticipated follow-up to Yeezus will be titled So Help Me God. He also tweeted an image that is presumably the cover-art and which looks a little like a gothic design from an illuminated manuscript. (Is So Help Me God Kanye's Gutenburg Bible?) Details about the rest of the album are still scarce -- we know that it will feature the Paul McCartney Nori/Donda ode, "Only One," Sia/Vic Mensa collab "Wolves" and, most likely, the searing "All Day" -- but other than describing its sound as "cookout music," little else has been revealed. Regardless, it doesn't seem like we'll need to wait much longer to hear the album. It looks like we're about to have a very Ye spring. Everything's coming up Yeezy!

 

So Help Me God pic.twitter.com/e3UUsQQEts

-- KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) March 1, 2015

Carly Rae Jepsen Returns Triumphant with "I Really Like You"

March 2, 2015, 6:45 am

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After a stint on Broadway, Carly Rae Jepsen is back to making music since ruling 2013 with the internet-melting pop perfection that was "Call Me Maybe." Does her just-dropped single "I Really Like You" hold a candle to that monster hit? We'd say so! "I Really Like You" is pure bubble-gum bliss with a chorus so stupidly simple -- "I really, really, really, really, really, really like you" --  it has already burrowed into your subconscious and will be something you say to your 4th grade math teacher as your teeth fall out in a dream later tonight. Hit-maker Max Martin co-wrote the song, and Jepsen has also recently collaborated with pop-to-indie crossover dream team Dev Hynes and Ariel Rechtshaid, who produced Solange's True EP and Sky Ferriera's "Everything Is Embarrassing." All signs point to more excellence from Jepsen in the coming months. We're ready for another Carly Rae summer.  

KOOL A.D. Forecasts Your March Horoscopes

March 2, 2015, 8:03 am

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Trouble with love? Work problems? Mercury retrograde? Don't worry. Rapper, author of the forthcoming novel O.K. (Sorry House), and expert astrological navigator, Kool A.D. will safely guide you through the coming month.

LIBRA

Ur gonna spend some time apart from whoever it is u been spending hella time with recently. It's gonna feel weird to not have them around all of a sudden, but just embrace that. Stretch ur legs and take a swim in Lake You, feel me? Try to literally go swimming, too; being around water will be good for you. Seek out Pisces, Scorpio and Cancer. If u can't find any of those, Gemini and Aquarius will do. Mercury Retrograde threw u for a loop last month and u went thru some growing pains, but ur turning a corner now. Basically remain calm, don't trip.

SCORPIO

While it might just be the next town over or hella miles away, ur gonna travel this month. There's gonna be a lot of distraction, but stay focused on the things that matter: family, friends, the long-term success of ur personal aspirations, etc. This is a prime time to create. There's gonna be a lot of greasy food being presented to u, so opt for the salad whenever possible. Ur gonna be around a lot of drugs and alcohol, but stay level headed. Stay hydrated. U might get in a fight, so remember that it's OK to fight dirty. Just remember u get less jail time if u slash instead of stab. But really tho, stop the violence, increase the peace. Read Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón.

SAGITTARIUS

Ur gonna be up to ur neck in pussy (or dick, whatever ur preference) this month. Try to be safe, but there might be a situation in which u really feel justified in hitting it raw and, u know what, that's not even my call to make. Maybe u wanna roll the dice on that one, who knows? Just don't be mad at ur boy if that doesn't pan out. Breathe deep, stay hydrated and alert. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu. If u already read it, read it again.

CAPRICORN

Last month I told u to listen to music made by black women but I didn't really elaborate on which ones. I'm gonna run thru some of the black female artists I recommended to Taurus in January and add a few more: Celia Cruz, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Dawn Penn, Janet Jackson, Apollonia, FKA Twigs, Kelela, Sza, Tinashe, Kehlani, Dej Loaf, Gangsta Boo, Missy Elliot, Erykah Badu, Solange, Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland, the other chick from Destiny's Child, Teyana Taylor, Sade, Monica, Brandy, SWV, Tecla, Azaelia Banks, Ciara, Ashanti, Aaliyah, Lauryn Hill, Mary J. Blige, Nicki Minaj, Patra, Lady Saw, Suga-T, Bahamadia, Jill Scott, Jaguar, Ursula Rucker, Rah Digga, Eve, Lil Kim, Mystic and hella other ones, but I'm getting bored now.

AQUARIUS

El gobierno de José Miguel Gómez fue muy criticado por algunas concesiones de servicios públicos y de leyes muy discutidas en la época, como la autorización de las peleas de gallos y la lotería nacional, así como por escándalos de corrupción, el recibió el mote popular de Tiburón ("cuando se baña salpica," en alusión a la repartición de cargos públicos entre sus allegados).

PISCES

Listen to a lot of Fela Kuti this month. Maybe some Future. Try sniffing cocaine.

ARIES

Read Caucasia, and/or Symptomatic by Danzy Senna. Read Krik Krak by Edwidge Danticat. Read some Zora Neale Hurston essays. Read that collection of James Baldwin essays. Read Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith. Read War Talk by Arundhati Roy.

TAURUS

Read the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante. Next time u order white wine, consider getting red wine instead.

GEMINI

U know what time it is? Grind time. Hustle O'clock. Win Thirty. Finesse Fifteen. Quarter to Fleek. Wrist Wrist Wrist, feel me? This month ur gonna need to be whipping work. U should probably be in the kitchen with soda. Ur gonna need to tell those around u to let that boy/girl cook, that boy/girl being u. Two words: ECSTATIC LABOR, feel me? Don't waste time and energy on negativity, channel that energy towards positivity and creation. Don't be afraid to be a little selfish.

CANCER

Last month, Merc Retro was mellow for u. Matter fact, u ended up coming out on top of that one. Even if at first glance u don't think so, u did. U'll see. U really did the thing. U killin' the whole game. Have a celebratory beer, with a Scorpio if possible.

LEO

Shit's gonna be crazy for u until mid June and then it's smooth sailing after that. To quote Sam Jackson in the seminal 1993 dinosaur film, Jurassic Park: "Hold onto ur butt." You should maybe re-watch that movie, I bet that holds up. Yea u should get hella stoned and watch Jurassic Park. Shit, I might do that too.

VIRGO

U know what white dude is OK? Neil Young. He a fool, man. Two other good white dudes are Van Morrison and Marc Bolan. I don't know why I just thought of that. Anyway, this is a good month for travel and swimming for u, so try to do either or both of those things. Stay positive, do u and drink a lot of water.

---

6 Must-See Films This Month

March 2, 2015, 8:30 am

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From survivalist thrillers to eye-opening documentaries, see what six movies made our list of the most essential films this month.

The Hunting Ground
This infuriating, terrific documentary by Kirby Dick exposes the shameful treatment of victims of college rapes. It's a blistering attack on universities who re-victimize women who have been assaulted by covering up crimes to protect their star athletes or their school's reputation. Amidst the harrowing testimonies from women and men that have been abused by both their attackers and the administration, some intriguing portraits emerge. Particularly Annie Clark and Andrea Pino from the University of North Carolina who became incredible politicized after their rapes and bonded together -- traveling to many other campuses and rallying people to shame colleges with their behavior. Their bravery and perseverance is just inspiring. Hopefully this movie will anger many more so things can change.

Backcountry
A terrifyingly tense survivalist thriller by Adam MacDonald that really captures the beauty and horror of nature. Alex (Jeff Roop) takes his girlfriend Jenn (Missy Peregrym) for a weekend camping trip to get away from the hustle and bustle. The first night a strange Irish dude (Eric Balfour) carrying fresh fish stops by their campsite and is warily asked to stay for dinner. The next day, while hiking to a place Alex assures Jenn he knows how to get to, he notices evidence of a bear but keeps the information to himself. Then, well, things go straight to hell.  The two leads are really engaging so when things go south suddenly and shockingly it makes for an incredibly unnerving last half hour.

Kidnapping Mr. Heineken
Fact-based film about a ragtag group who really kidnapped beer tycoon Freddy Heineken (Anthony Hopkins) in Amsterdam in 1983. What's fascinating in this story, aside from the fact that it was the largest ransom ever paid for an individual then, was how it all came together. Jim Sturgess is riveting as Cor Van Hout, their leader, and Sam Worthington, Ryan Kwanten nicely flesh out the other petty criminals in the gang. Director Daniel Alfredson (who directed the last two entries of Swedish The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy) captures the grubby desperation of the enterprise and the especially appalling '80s fashions nail the mood in this compelling film.

Eastern Boys
Daniel (Olivier Rabourdin), a middle-aged businessman, gets more than he bargains for when he picks up a street hustler -- Marek (Kirill Emelyanov) -- at the Gare du Nord train station in Paris. His apartment gets invaded by a gang of immigrant thugs who rob him. But Marek sheepishly shows up days later to offer himself to Daniel as some sort of appeasement, which begins a complicated relationship between the two that turns from sexual to paternal. Director Robin Campillo's, who was editor for Laurent Cantet (Time Out), first feature was The Returned, which was turned into an excellent French TV series. This second feature is a leisurely non-judgemental affair -- often striking, and disturbingly intense.
 
It Follows
David Robert Mitchell's (The Myth Of The American Sleepover) genuinely frightening film is about Jay (Maika Monroe), a 19-year-old girl in Michigan whose sexual tryst with a stranger passes to her an awful curse in which she's pursued by nightmarish ghostly figures trying to harm her. These malevolent specters change and shift and even though Jay's friends try desperately to drive her to safe havens they continue to come after her. This "passing of a curse" trope has been in movies from Curse Of The Demon (1957) to The Ring (2002), but Mitchell's film feels fresh and chillingly different. The gorgeous cinematography by Mike Gioulakis and ominous score by Rich Vreeland (Disasterpeace) create a majorly unsettling backdrop for this deliriously scary film.

White God
In 1962 a movie called Mondo Cane (loosely translated as World Gone To The Dogs) made a splash...but if ever a movie was more aptly titled it's this extraordinary film directed by Kornel Mundruczo about a little girl and her lost mutt. Zsofia Psotta (amazingly natural) plays Lili, forced to stay with her sour dad (Sandor Zsoter) for the summer in Budapest. Dad is annoyed with having to house Lili's beloved dog Hagen and lets the dog out of the car in a remote section of town. Lili relentlessly searches for him but the movie veers off on this animal's incredible, terrible, journey, which has Hagen chased by dogcatchers, captured and brutally trained for dog fighting. But the whole movie's finale with hundreds of dogs (led by Hagen) rampaging through the streets causing havoc is preposterous and wildly exhilarating at the same time. They should call this: "Lassie Gets Even."

Major Lazer / DJ Snake Dream-Team Drops "Lean On"

March 2, 2015, 8:40 am

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A Parisian, a Dane and a Mississippi-born American get together and create a haunting homage to Jamaica... it must be time for some new Major Lazer! "Lean On" marries the weird yelping of DJ Snake's blockbuster "Turn Down for What" with singer MØ's aching vocal and Diplo's "future dancehall" production -- which, like the 2012 single "Get Free," is more somber than sweaty. "Lean On" is the first in a series of Major Lazer releases expected this year. Let us all fast-forward three months, when we'll be wearing shorts and getting PON DE FLOOR.

Watch the "Lean On" lyric video, above.

Bill Murray and Rick Ross, Together At Last

March 2, 2015, 9:19 am

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While we were all collectively binge watching House of Cards this weekend, Bill Murray was off, doing what one does when one is Bill Murray: hanging out with Rick Ross in his studio. While Ross tweeted and Instagrammed pictures with Murray, it's not clear what actually went on between the two unlikely friends. As Frank Underwood taught us, a lot can go on behind closed doors, but we do know one thing that happened when Murray and Ross convened in the studio: they laughed joyously.

#BillMurray funny dude pic.twitter.com/e5mypFz2Wo

-- Hood Billionaire (@rickyrozay) February 28, 2015

Good dude #BillMurray pic.twitter.com/Eak4Q6HUCr

-- Hood Billionaire (@rickyrozay) February 27, 2015

We did it!

A photo posted by Ricky Rozay (@richforever) on Feb 27, 2015 at 10:12am PST

While we might not ever know what happened on this enviable bros night out, at least Rick Ross was able to snap a few pictures before Bill Murray could whisper, No one will ever believe you.

Shia Watch 2015: Shia LaBeouf Debuts a New Look

March 2, 2015, 10:12 am

≫ Next: Deepak Chopra and Andrew W.K. Talk Mind Expansion, Partying and God

≪ Previous: Bill Murray and Rick Ross, Together At Last

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While the fashion world became obsessed with normcore and sneakers, 2014 was all about neon spandex and, erm, facial modifications for Shia LaBeouf. This year, the noted style risk-taker is trying out a new lewk and hairstyle to complement his recent eyebrow piercing: a simple, understated rattail. No response yet from Jared Leto or Cary Fukunaga re: how they plan to step up their man braid game.

[via Buzzfeed]

Deepak Chopra and Andrew W.K. Talk Mind Expansion, Partying and God

March 2, 2015, 10:15 am

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On a snow-blasted day in late January, New Age icon Deepak Chopra and rock n' roll party evangelist Andrew W.K. gathered in the kitchen of Chopra's Greenwich Village loft to compare their wildly different, weirdly parallel approaches to fulfillment. If Chopra, whose book The 13th Disciple: A Spiritual Adventure is out in March, was surprised by W.K.'s thoughtful manner or pizza-centric line of questioning, he didn't let on. Over 45 minutes, they discussed drugs, music, consciousness and God. We'd like to think that, once his guest had departed, Chopra cued up "Party Till You Puke."

ANDREW W.K.: So I'm very familiar with your work. 


DEEPAK CHOPRA: Oh really? 

W.K.: Yes. And I've enjoyed it. I appreciate your perspectives, and relate to a great deal of them. 

CHOPRA: What's your name?



W.K.: Andrew.

CHOPRA: Andrew.



W.K.: Yeah. And my angle is partying. Have you partied before?



CHOPRA: Uh, yes, I have. 


W.K.: Okay good. Well then I'm sure that we can relate to one another, because that's basically my whole thing. I figured you had, 'cause your outlook really is a celebratory perspective. Seeing that you live in New York, do you enjoy pizza?



CHOPRA: I don't. Actually, in the last few years I've become very mindful of what suits my body. So I totally refrain from anything that's sweet, refined, manufactured, processed, GMOs, pesticides... 

W.K.: Well, I'll eat pizza on your behalf then. 

[Following a brief discussion of neighborhood pizzerias, the conversation returns to partying.]

CHOPRA: I think partying changes its connotation as you grow older and become a little more self-aware. So, when I was 17 and joined medical school, I tried LSD.

W.K.: Oh, that's great. I was going to ask you about that.

CHOPRA: Throughout medical school I was a party animal. I tried everything, from marijuana to, unfortunately, cigarettes and alcohol and all of that. I never missed anything that had music, alcohol, drugs and everything else that went with it. Then, in my residency, in Boston, I started to get burned out. I also realized that I had an addictive personality. So then I chose to move from spirits to spirit, as I say it. Right now, I am always feeling an internal state of euphoria. I don't think about the future. I'm not burdened by the past. I experience a joyful, energetic body. I feel love and compassion in my heart. I have a restful, alert mind. And my being is in flow all the time. Now, on the outside, I appear to do everything else. I go to social functions, I'm on the stage, I travel, I cross the world -- but I'm witnessing that. It's not me; it's my body and my mind that travels around the world and does what it does. There's a part of me that never leaves home. And home, I don't mean this location. Home, I mean outside of space and time. Which is the ultimate party.

W.K.: And so you think, like, all the other stuff that makes up life - work, going here and there, tasks -- at the core of that, there's this constant tone. It's like a little buzzing sound almost. Maybe the whole way it works is that it resonates off of that constant tone, that buzzing state of pure being that everyone is able to relate to, and that music is touching that part of being that goes beyond all the extraneous aspects.

CHOPRA: Yes, I think music is the language of the soul, for sure. I was very close, fortunately, to George Harrison for about 25 years. He was almost like my best friend. So, we would -- that's George Harrison of the Beatles -- we traveled all over the world, and he would spontaneously go into a state where he would access music and lyrics and he would just express them out of the blue. It was very unusual. I was also very close with Michael Jackson. He did exactly the same. He would go into a different space. So I totally relate to music, and art in general.

W.K.: And the partying -- when I explain partying, of course I wouldn't tell someone how to do it. It's their own pleasure. It's their own joy.

CHOPRA: It's the celebration of life.

ANDREW W.K.: ...of existing, exactly.

CHOPRA: Of existence. Even better: of existence. Only two things you can be sure of: one is that there is existence, whatever it is. The second thing that you can be sure of is that there is awareness of existence -- the two go together. The rest of everything is your creation. You make it up as you go along. So some people get together with other people who make the same thing, and you can make war, you can make love, you can make music, you can make...

W.K.: Pizza.

CHOPRA: Pizza.

W.K.: What about the truth is there is no truth? That kind of paradox. Because often I find that the more you hold onto one idea, the more it starts to contradict itself.

CHOPRA: If there is an absolute truth, it's the truth of possibility.

W.K.: Why do you think people have such a hard time not fighting about ideas? Like God, space, science -- why is it so appealing to argue about it for so many folks?

CHOPRA: I think the majority of people pride themselves on what they call rationality, reason. But think about it: reason is a form of thinking that is based on the common sense of a sensory-based intellect. So we know for a fact that our senses take in one billionth of the
information around us -- number one.

W.K.: Right. One version of interpretation.

CHOPRA: And then by the time that sensory information goes to your brain -- ­and by the way, the way it goes, smell or taste or sound or vision, all that goes to the brain is an electrical current. Somehow we presume that creates the experience of this three-dimensional reality evolving in time. How does a photon hitting my eyes, which has no color and no dimensionality, create the experience of a three-dimensional world in space and time? The answer is we don't know. Furthermore, the fact that we think that the brain is where we experience the world is actually a premise; that if you look hard enough, it's very difficult to actually track it down. So, when I ask people, "Where is experience happening?" First they point to their eyes. And then I say to them, "Listen: what's going into your eyes are photons. Even if the experience was happening in your eyes, your eyes are nine centimeters apart, your retina is curved -- by the time photons get to the retina, they invert, going through a lens, so you should be seeing two of everything, upside down and curved. So whatever is happening in your eyes, it's not the experience of the world that's happening." And then they say their brain. How do I fit inside your brain? I don't.

W.K.: Well, you couldn't. Yeah, that's true.

CHOPRA: What's happening in the brain is some neural networks are getting activated. So where is it happening? Frequently, they'll point to the object. They'll say: "My experience is happening there." And then, of course, the objection to that is, "But you're here. If you're here, how is the experience happening there?" So it's a conundrum. Where is the experience happening? The wisdom traditions of the East, and many other traditions, experientially investigate this idea. And they come to the conclusion that experience happens in consciousness: you experience your body in consciousness, you experience your thoughts in consciousness, you experience the world in consciousness, and when you look at a brain as a perceptual object, you experience that in consciousness. So where is that consciousness? And it turns out it's the wrong question. "Where" implies a location in space or time to something that doesn't occupy space and doesn't exist in time. So what is the nature of the universe? We actually don't know. It seems to be a field of possibilities. Maybe the universe and consciousness are the same being. Maybe the universe and consciousness are what we call existence, awareness, being. If I'm speaking to you right now, and you're listening to me -- let's say we're at a party. Your favorite thing. [laughs]

W.K.: I can work with this situation.

CHOPRA: We are listening to music, but everything's a buzz, right? Because you're paying attention to me. But somebody at the edge of the room starts talking about Andrew. And then your attention goes there, and you stop hearing what I'm saying, even though I'm right next to you, right? So maybe consciousness is streaming out and, through attention and intention, creates the experience of a perceptual reality. 

W.K.: Then there's the LSD experience -- I always thought maybe it was like putting your brain in someone else's...

CHOPRA: I did LSD a few times in my teenage years. One, I was on a train from Delhi on my way to Sri Lanka. And I was maybe seventeen years old. 

W.K.: Was that the first time? 

CHOPRA: Yeah. And I saw a poster of Mother Theresa -- she was feeding hungry children, or hugging them -- and I felt infinite compassion. And that has never left me. 

W.K.: That experience was permanent. 

CHOPRA: That feeling... yeah. I can walk by New York City and see a homeless person and I get overwhelmed. Sometimes because of that and I pull out twenty dollars and I leave it there, because I can't help myself. The other time I experienced what I can only call heaven...[laughs] You know, it was my teenager's imagination of what heaven could be, so there were dancing girls and there was Krishna on the flute and the colors were extraordinary.

W.K.: Were there clouds? 

CHOPRA: Clouds, but also palaces. Celestial palaces with infinite myriads of colors. And amazing music, way beyond even George Harrison or Michael Jackson. And these dancing damsels. And then there was a part of me, even then, that said, Would you want to live here permanently? And the answer came, no.  Because it's just another projection. I'd rather know what it is that does the projection. But what convinced me with the LSD experience was that, number one, reality, even ordinary reality, is not what it appears to be. Secondly, our brain actually filters out and edits everything that does not conform to the hypnosis of social conditioning. You know, what we call everyday reality is just a hypnosis of social conditioning. 

W.K.: Agreement. 

CHOPRA: Agreement... And sometimes it's so terrible, you know, at war, and eco destruction, and terrorism, and social injustice -- crazy things which we take for normal. 

W.K.: What about religion and the concept of God? You think even the concept of God is symbolic of an impenetrable, unknowable truth? Is this what your new book is about?

CHOPRA: My new book addresses what I call naïve realism. Naïve realism is naïve ideas about the physical world: "This is how it is," which we agree it isn't -- it can take so many forms. But this is how God is: another image in our mind. So naïve ideas about reality and naïve ideas about God as well. So the word God conjures up images and ideas, and then we get lost. But if you could just stay with that one idea that we've had so far, possibility, that would be close. Existence? That would be close. Awareness? That would be close. Maybe they're all the same thing. In which case, then, "Who am I?" turns out to be simple. Answer to that: I'm God in drag. And so are you.

W.K.: Yeah? Well hey, that's a great thing to be.

CHOPRA: And this is a great party. We're all God in drag having a party.

Hair and Makeup by Kim White at Artists at Wilhelmina