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Gabrielle Union Is Not a Vampire (and Other Rumors Debunked by the Stars of Top Five)

TopFive700.jpgWe asked three stars of Top Five, Chris Rock's uproarious cringe-fest about the constrictions of fame, to work up some top fives of their own. While the top fives within the movie all concern the greatest rappers (do not miss Jerry Seinfeld's quintessentially white contribution in the closing credits), we wanted to hear about the the most cuckoo-bananas things Gabrielle Union, Jay Pharoah and J.B. Smoove have learned about themselves on the Internet.

Top Five Weirdest Things Gabrielle Union Has Read About Herself Online
  1. I've had a nose job.
  2. I'm pregnant (every couple months this happens).
  3. I'm a vampire.
  4. I'm Garcelle Beauvais, Ashanti or Brandy.
  5. I don't really like Red Lobster... I live for Red Lobster.

Top Five Weirdest Things Jay Pharoah Has Read About Himself Online
  1. I'm in the Illuminati.
  2. I'm a cokehead.
  3. I have a girlfriend in Pasadena, CA.
  4. Michael Blackson, Lamorne Morris (New Girl) and I are the same person.
  5. And I'm from Chicago and apparently was part of Second City.

Top Five Things JB Smoove Would Change About His Wikipedia Page
  1. JB did not appear in the movie Frankenhood. Despite what you've heard and even if you saw him in it, according to JB he was not in that movie.
  2. JB copyrighted the phrase "Kiss my ass!" and earns a royalty every time it is used.
  3. For several years in the '90s, JB listed "Ruckus Deliverer" as his occupation on his income tax.
  4. In 2008 JB was asked by then-candidate Barack Obama to be his vice presidential running mate but had to decline because he was already committed to his second season on Curb Your Enthusiasm. JB does not regret his decision.
  5. JB was only half born in Plymouth, North Carolina; his other half was born in Money Earnin' Mount Vernon! Which is also the title of a song by one of his top five favorite rappers of all time, Heavy D.

12 Great Gifts For Your Favorite Music Freak


Looks like the woman who sells hand-painted Whitney Houston wine glasses on Etsy is taking a break, but don't worry. We've rounded up 12 music-related gifts, ranging in price from free to the low hundreds, and categorized them to make sure that all your audiophile relations are covered -- be they punks, gearheads, vinyl freaks or even, dare we say it, basics.


Beyonce Platinum Box Set, $30

Recommended for anyone into music, beauty, the universe, not living in a cave

The surprise "visual album" that brought us "Drunk In Love" and made us all dare to dream that being a parent and getting busy in the back of a limousine are not mutually exclusive is back -- now with bonus tracks, star-studded remixes (Nicki, Kayne, Pharrell), new videos and a live DVD.


Third Man Records Portable Record Player, $165

Recommended for music lovers who wouldn't be caught dead with a bluetooth speaker (see "UE Boom," below)

Vintage-y portable turntables are everywhere these days; this one stands apart with its tone knob, 78 RPM setting and stereo speakers. And you know it's not going to sound like ass, like most portable turntables, if Jack White is behind it. 


OTOTO, $94

Recommended for vegetarian keytar enthusiasts

Why? Because you can play "Funkytown" on a bunch of turnips. The OTOTO is a small box with twelve keys, a speaker and some clips that you can connect to anything conductive (wait, vegetables are conductive?), creating the most weirdly tactile keyboard ever.


Marshall Major Brown Headphones, $120


No! I will resist that urge, even though it's Marshall we're talking about. And really, all you need to know is that these sound great, they have a handy remote thing on the cord and they're comfy on the ears. All the better to BLAST HOUSES OF THE HOLY ALL NIIIIIGHT! Dammit. Sorry.


Pacemaker DJ, free (add-ons available)

Recommended for bands/models/actors who also DJ despite having no idea how to DJ

This free app syncs with your iTunes or your Spotify Premium subscription, allowing you to mix, loop and crossfade -- pretty much all you need for a vaguely convincing DJ set. Lest anyone raise an eyebrow at receiving a gift that doesn't cost anything, you can add on a pack of additional effects for $7.99.


Fugazi: First Demo, $13 (LP), $10 (CD) or $7 (digital)

Recommended for punk completists, humans

To say that Fugazi is one of the most important punk bands ever is to risk overshadowing the fact that they were also one of the funnest. Recorded in 1988, First Demo presents early versions of songs from their first two albums, when they were perfecting the combination of dub beats, squalling guitars and huge singsongs.


UE Boom, $169.99

Recommended for frequent travelers, bathroom dancers

Bluetooth speaker sets are pretty much mandatory these days. I don't know how the UE Boom compares to the Jambox etc., but I do know that I once went to an extremely brutal fitness class and this product was well up to the challenge of blasting "Countdown" over the groans and screams of 15 people.


Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys. by Viv Albertine, $21.16 (hardcover), $12.74 (Kindle)

Recommended for daughters, little sisters, ass-kicking moms

Viv Albertine (PAPERMAG Q&A here), whose band the Slits added a fearless female voice to the first wave of London punk, has said that she wrote this memoir with her teenage daughter in mind. Its loose, conversational tone (she rejected her agent's suggestion of a ghost writer) and its depictions of young women persevering despite getting mocked, spat on and stabbed -- twice -- make it the kind of book that could inspire a young reader to become the next Kathleen Hanna (or Viv Albertine).


Vinyl Me, Please subscription, $284/year

Recommended for LP lovers with catholic tastes

Every month, a record, an "album-inspired piece of art," and a fitting cocktail recipe arrive at your door. Selections are all over the map, from the Ben Webster Quintet to Diarrhea Planet (christ, what's the cocktail pairing for that one?), but each one is sure to impress the vinyl head on your list.


Bedhead: 1992-1998, $40

Recommended for '90s indie rock lovers, awkward kids, quiet Texans

Bedhead's music has such consistent slow-burning magic that really anyone who ever loved '90s guitar rock, especially of the Sebadoh/Archers of Loaf/Pinback strain, will have no trouble working through all four discs' worth of Bedhead's masterful "slowcore."

littleBits X Korg Synth Kit, $159

Recommended for weekender engineers, new wavers

You had me at "Reggie Watts demo." The kit consists of several basic synthesizer parts that you can click together to create your own modular keyboard and learn how that shit works as you go. Unclear whether it's actually as easy to use as the ads make it out to be, but pretty cool either way.


Daft Punk, Alive 2007 Limited Edition Box Set, (price unavailable)

Recommended for domestic ravers

Now that we're a year and a half into the post-Random Access Memories world, it's a good time to revisit the earlier work of those two lovable genre- and generation-confounding French robots. This all-vinyl set comes with two live albums, representing a decade of development, as well as a big booklet and a slipmat.

The 10 Most Genius, Ridiculous Lyrics from "The PinkPrint"

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 11.23.18 AM.pngNicki Minaj's highly-anticipated album The Pinkprint sprung a leak yesterday, inundating the Internet with a flood of bitchy one-liners and sexy innuendos. Her third studio release, which officially comes out December 15, is packed with Nicki's signature bravado and a lineup of admirably  over-the-top, in-your-face tracks. While it's hard to top the lyric, "If I had a dick, I would pull it out and piss on 'em," from the 2012 Pink Friday standout, "Did It On 'Em," these ten lyrics come close.

1. Get On Your Knees (feat. Ariana Grande)

"Got a bow on my panties 'cause my ass is a present."

Millions of people across the globe are fervently rewriting their holiday wish lists and clearing out space in their homes to fit Nicki's impressive booty inside -- us included.

2. Feeling Myself (feat. Beyoncé)

"I say, 'Yes daddy, I do. Give me brain like NYU.'"

We love the idea that head, or as Nicki says, "brain," can be educational. Why spend $50k on a lousy college degree when you can learn just as much, if not more in bed?

3. Four Door Aventador

"Peanut butter Benz, got 'em jelly at the deli."

Is this Benz chunky or creamy? Jif or Skippy?

4. Favorite (feat. Jeremih)

"I don't wanna hype ya, but you a lucky nigga if my mean ass like ya."

This is what you say to a worthy contender at the bar. Look him right in the eyes and Let. Him. Know. It's a winner pick up line, especially if you suffer from bitchy resting face, A.K.A. 99.9% of New York.

5. Anaconda

"Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me Nyquil."

Not only is this the best lyric on The Pinkprint -- a rejoinder to Ice Cube's sleep-inducing jimmy in "It Was a Good Day," 21 years in the making -- it's the best lyric of 2014. Ridiculously brilliant.

6. The Night is Still Young

"If he sexy, he planking on me."

We didn't realize planking occurred outside the viral fad from a few years back, but according to Handbag.com, "the sexual plank" is for "gym-loving couples" with "super human upper body strength." Ok, that's sexy.

7. Big Daddy (feat. Meek Mill)

"Your time is ticking, you bitches will be around shorter than Vine vids."

Six seconds, Iggy Azalea -- that's all Nicki's giving you. Six. Short. Seconds.

8. Shanghai

"You could get it in the winter time or that Mayweather like Floyd's out."

We see what you did there, Nicki.

9. Win Again

"Lewinsky, like I couldn't get the stain out."

Beyoncé first dropped Monica Lewinsky's notorious name on her track, "Partition," moaning the lyrics, "He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown." Now, Nicki's taken a stab and it's just as filthy. Even nearly 20 years later, poor Monica still can't catch a break.

10. Truffle Butter (feat. Drake & Lil Wayne)

"I floss everyday, but I ain't a dentist."


Shooter Jennings Covers The Ramones' Classic "She Talks To Rainbows'


Shooter Jennings has never done what's expected of him. The son of country legends Waylon Jennings and Jessi Colter, he's done everything from playing on Warped Tour to releasing a spoken word album that sold out in a day. After starting his own record label in 2013, Black Country Rock, Jenning's reach has only gotten farther -- releasing everything from his father's music to a 7" featuring Ron Jeremy playing classical piano.

In the spirit of Shooter's musical range and the warm fuzzy feeling you get from year-end round ups, Black Country Rock is releasing a BCR Mixtape 2014, which is available for order right now as a CD, cassette tape, or a digital version for those who are analog-averse. The track list (included below) is a recap of the releases from Black Country Rock -- including some that were limited-edition for Record Store Day -- with an addition of four brand new tracks, two from Shooter himself.

We here at Paper are excited to premiere the video for one of these new songs from Shooter, a cover of the Ramones' classic "She Talks to Rainbows." The cover is reminiscent of Ronnie Spector's version of the song, with a definite Southern rock vibe. The animated video juxtaposes the whimsical and the dark aspects of the track, with fairies and butterflies giving way to padded cells and a Grim Reaper-esque demon. Give it a watch, above. 

BCR Mixtape 2014 Track List:

1. You Are My Sunshine - Jamey Johnson, Twiggy Ramirez and Shooter Jennings
2. She Talks To Rainbows - Shooter Jennings (exclusive to the mixtape)
3. Nashville From Afar - Shooter Jennings (exclusive to the mixtape)
4. Dirty Ol' Pines - Jayke Orvis
5. Heaven Won't Let You In- Last Daze
6. 'Till Tomorrow - James Hunicutt
7. Understanding and Appreciating Classical Music with Ron Jeremy
8. Waymore's Blues - Fenixon
9. Funnel of Love - Wanda Jackson
10. I Found the Body - Fenixon 1
1. All of This Cound Have Been Yours - Shooter Jennings
12. I'm Left, You're Right, She's Gone - Shooter Jennings
13. Crazy Christmas - Mick Foley

Balmain Goes Snackwave for Spring 2015 Campaign

Balmain's Spring 2015 campaign features models Adriana Lima, Joan Smalls, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Isabeli Fontana, and Crista Cober eating posing with burgers and playing video games in what looks like a stoner's den. Although the models still look relatively flawless and obviously stylish, its an interesting choice for a couture fashion house to eschew the aspirational.

MTI2NjIyNjU4NDI2MDgyNTc4.jpgIn a press release, Olivier Rousteing explained that "the incredible power that all those strong women bring in front of the camera, put into real life situations, helped me explore and create a new reality that represents the pop aspect of my generation." The 25-year-old head designer is building a "Balmain Army" and clearly, he's been keeping up with the snackwave and slobcore tags on Tumblr to get modern women -- the woman who tries to not try at all -- on board. This makes sense, knowing that the fashion house enlisted Rihanna, the queen of IDGAF chic, as their former campaign star.

And ultimately, as Roustening told WWD, "You can't eat caviar everyday" while burgers, we like to think, are forever

Sam Smith Cleans Up Real Nice In HIs New Video


Sam Smith hits the ground running on his way to the Grammies with this new video for "Like I Can." Dude got nominated for 6 and, as you can see in his new video for "Like I Can," he looks great in a tux so we won't be embarrassed when he gets up to accept. And he's got quite an impressive Rat Pack/Oceans Eleven posse to give him moral support. The clip was shot here in NYC and we'll have to watch it a couple of times to identify all the locations. What's that bar where they're all drinking shots?

Is Lindsay Lohan Self Aware? Her New App Says "Probably"


After the success of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood it's honestly surprising that another celebrity hasn't tried to break into the app game. Until now, that is. Lindsay Lohan, in a bought of self awareness we assume, created an app called "Price Of Fame." It's described as a "parody on celebrity culture and paparazzi," and follows a game play pattern similar to Kim K's: get famous, get fans, get money. We're shocked LiLo had time for the app honestly, we though she was busy with her streetwear line!

The Best, Worst and Weirdest Of The Week


Most Relatable Dog: This one. -- Kyla Bills

kk8qgdf7ldcztp4i6khf.gifBest Giant Dick: Ben Affleck's in Gone Girl, which was Tumblr-immortalized via GIF this week thanks to a high-quality rip hitting the web. WHAT. -- Elizabeth Thompson

Worst Dick(s): All the dudes on instagram Bye Felipe, which sets out to publicly shame men who harass uninterested women on Tinder and dating sites. The Cut has a good interview with the founder today. -- ET

Ariana-Baby.pngWeirdest/Funniest Celebrity Gossip That Is Probably Definitely True of the Week: The rumor (that seems to have photographic evidence) that Ariana Grande insists she get carried around like a baby. -- Abby Schreiber

Best Reason Not To Go Out On Saturday: Santacon. Enough said. -- KB

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 5.08.56 PM.pngBest Way To Rep #BreakTheInternet: The combination of Yung Lean bucket hat vibes and Kim Kardashian's butt seems too good to be true. Fortunately for us, it's true and available for purchase-- KB

Biggest Missed Opportunity of the Week: Diddy's chance to use one of Drake's lyrics as an insulting zinger during their weird tiff in Miami this Sunday. -- AS

That Said, the Most Embarrassing Thing We Wish We'd Witnessed Ourselves: Diddy dramatically screaming "you'll never disrespect me again" at Drake in Miami. If that doesn't sound like the title of a pulp novel, then we don't even know. -- ET

Least Fierce Lawsuit: A former America's Next Top Model contestant is suing Tyra Banks. She claims that she initially won her cycle but then was unfairly disqualified due to her past as an escort among other allegations that they don't feed the contestants enough and didn't treat panic attacks. Even Tyra can't smize her way through this one. -- KB

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 5.16.18 PM.pngMost Exciting T-Shirt News: Andre 3000's concert jumpsuits turned art exhibit at Art Basel are going to now be produced as t-shirts! You own can everything from the "across cultures, darker people suffer most. why?" shirt or the "art or fart?" shirt. It's an early Christmas present for anyone who likes slogans. -- KB

kimpenispainting.pngBest Art World News of the Week: A Danish man painted our Kim K. cover with his dick. But we have a few questions, like...the necklace? The fine lines in the hair? The bottle? How'd he do that? We want video of this shit. Show me the receipts. -- A.S.

The Sunday Funnies


Here is a video of a bulldog named Junior singing along to "Let It Go" with his dads. He is also wearing a Santa hat. We want to be best friends with these guys. [Jezebel]

 11VUX.pngSo you just think about that next time you're feeling sad. [Mlkshk]

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 4.29.04 PM.pngIs this what you see right before you die? [via Tall Whitney]

Denver the guilty dog is back and this time he is getting in big troubs for eating a Christmas ornament. Denver! [TastefullyOffensive]
 tumblr_ng8fzfs7pW1u5q7tfo1_1280.jpeg Our favorite new Tumblr, Herzog Inspirationals, combines soul-decimating Werner Herzog quotes with inspirational posters. It will make you want to scream into the abyss and drink whiskey in a dark room for the rest of your life.

This little boy's reaction to his mom reading one of those Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books to him is the best. Seriously, those books destroyed your life in third grade every time. The drawings were SO creepy upsetting! [TastefullyOffensive]

11VPO.gifEverybody at the airport next week. [Mlkshk]

tumblr_ng9mz0vDwH1qe0wclo1_500.jpgChill Frosty. 'Sup. [via The Clearly Dope]

Coola the bengal cat gives her dog friend Kym a head massage. [TastefullyOffensive]
11W7E.jpgFuck the police. [Mlkshk]

tumblr_m1220zwCFN1qdqv28o1_500.jpgBaby Leo with a Gremlin. Bless. [via Trill Adam Clark]

All Our 2014 Gift Guides In One Place

Wham!'s "Last Christmas" Video Is a Masterpiece


Wham! released this Christmas classic in 1984 as double A-side single with "Everything She Wants" and, as fate would have it, they were robbed of the #1 spot on the UK chart by another biggie: "Do They Know It's Christmas?"  The song peaked at #2 and now holds the distinction of being the biggest selling UK single that never reached #1.  To show their magnanimity, the boys donated all their royalties to the same Ethiopian charity.  The video follows a fashionable group up into the mountains where they celebrate the holidays.  One of the lovely ladies keeps exchanging glances with George and  -- via the song's lyrics and a flashback -- we see that Andrew is now wearing the diamond brooch that Michael gave her last Christmas

Photos of NYC Subway Commuters in the 60s Go On View for The First Time

Man / Danny Lyon

Photographer Danny Lyon spent the '60s in the South, photographing the Civil Rights Movement, traveling with motorcycle gangs, and creating some of the images that would make him one of the key artists of 20th century documentary photography. Upon returning to New York City in 1966, Lyon began photographing subway commuters around town, capturing the curious intimacy and anonymity of public transportation. Lyon told Fast Company, "When I speak with someone on the subway, I find New Yorkers easily slip into a conversation. Then they step out of the door and are gone." The photos, many of which were taken on New Year's Eve Night, are being shown for the first time in the MTA Arts & Design  exhibition Underground: 1966 at the at the Atlantic Ave-Barclays station station. They will be on display for one year.

lyons664.jpgTwo Women / Danny Lyon

No Standing / Danny Lyon

Screen Shot 2014-12-15 at 10.57.58 AM.png
2 Boys / Danny Lyons

lyons662.jpgDekalb / Danny Lyons

Stream Black Messiah, D'Angelo's Epic Comeback LP

The last time D'Angelo released an album, a Clinton was in office and Savage Garden was on the charts. As of yesterday, we have Black Messiah, credited to D'Angelo and the Vanguard. Last night a clandestine listening party was presided over by Questlove, who appears on the album alongside Q-Tip, Parliament/Funkadelic alum Kendra Foster and others. And since we made it this far without using the word "smooth," we'll step aside and let the album speak for itself. As you might guess from the title, D'Angelo has plenty to say.

2014's Top 10 Albums Made by New Yorkers

new Holiday14_700x150_GroupA.jpg

Looking over dozens of albums made by New York natives, transplants and exiles in 2014, you get the sense that people spent the year feeling generally jumpy, pissed off and borderline schizophrenic. Oh right! Because we live in New York! Lucky for us, the artists on this list managed to channel those feelings into wide-ranging, messy and often joyous albums. Here we present an array of New Yorkers and their collaborators who made thrilling work in 2014. We're also broadening our scope to include the whole state, because Perfect Pussy.


TV On the Radio: Seeds


Two albums back, TV On the Radio seemed to be arriving at a U2 tier of epicness. Vocals soared, beats pummeled, hearts swelled. (And unlike U2, TVOTR also made room for some unstoppable dance jams.) Seeds still has the big, clear gestures, but something about it is weirder -- mantra-like melodies ("Quartz"), playful, almost childlike moments ("Right Now"), a punk-paced singalong or two ("Lazerray"). The weirdness actually makes it more accessible than their last couple albums; where before David Sitek's production could be monolithic, here the tangents are your point of entry to an album that, start to finish, pulses with human warmth.


Perfect Pussy: Say Yes to Love

Captured Tracks

More than the ferocious playing, the devoutly lo-fi production or Meredith Graves' raw, feedback-laced vocals, this Syracuse band's greatest strength is its ability to convey much more delicate emotions within those parameters. "Interference Fits" might even count as a ballad, and the soft drone at the end has the effect of letting all the preceding fury settle inside you, maybe resolving into something affirming. Half-buried throughout the album are numerous successful attempts to say yes, despite everything.


Azealia Banks: Broke With Expensive Taste

Prospect Park

When NYC native Azealia Banks appeared on a PAPER cover in June 2012, her first full-length was due out that fall. Two-plus years and several feuds and schisms later, Broke dropped without warning. It includes the unfuckwithable 2011 single "212," that EDM-propelled rap screed that instantly evokes the kind of night where it keeps getting more and more likely that you will push things way too far. Nothing else quite matches "212"'s menacing thrill, but the album's constant hairpin turns -- Banks rapping viciously, singing angelically, crooning, screaming -- make it a bracing, complicated and somehow coherent piece of work. "The music is the music," she told us back in 2012. "And it'll be good."


St. Vincent: s/t

Loma Vista

It's easy to call St. Vincent mastermind Annie Clark "otherworldly"; especially now that, with her fourth album, she seems to be beaming at us from a completely different planet from the ones -- closer, but still alien and lightyears more advanced -- that she inhabited over her other three albums. The new one spills over with gargling synth and fuzz guitar, as if she'd recruited a chorus of Star Wars creatures to sing the hooks. But amid the gargantuan beats and face-melting solos (she's probably the most exciting young guitarist currently playing pop music), the clarity of Clark's voice never wavers, songwriting and sonic palate daring each other to ever greater, and weirder, heights.


Run the Jewels: Run the Jewels 2

Mass Appeal

OK, technically we're being a little loose with the rules to include RTJ (El-P is based in Brooklyn but Killer Mike is from Atlanta), but it's worth it. The duo's second album is dense with sawtooth synths and jumpy, hyper-repetitive samples, and you'll need a few close listens to soak in the brilliantly schizoid lyrics, like this opening salvo from "Close Your Eyes (And Count to Fuck)": "Fashion slave, you protesting to get in a fucking look book / Everything I scribble's like an anarchist's cookbook." It's an ominous and razor-sharp collection that still manages to get the party started.


Teen: The Way & Color


I don't know of a more purely satisfying 2014 album than this one, with its tasty grooves (there's just no other way to put it), the way it swipes languidly at references from '70s space-funk ("All the Same") to Beyoncé ("More Than I Ask For") and the indomitable pipes of singer Kristina Lieberson. Which is another way of saying that Teen, rounded out by Kristina's sisters Lizzie and Katherine and bassist Boshra AlSaadi, soars beyond the alt-R&B pigeonhole that they and countless other bands keep getting stuffed into.


Lia Ices: Ices


One of our favorite 2014 micro-movements is one we called "psych babes": a female-fronted sound that evokes laptops glowing inside hotboxed bedrooms. Lia Ices, who on her third album ranges far beyond the singer-songwriter trappings of her first two, never lets all the haze get in the way of a good melody. (Although Ices now lives in the Bay Area, she and her brother created the album in the Hudson Valley.) Album closer "Higher" is an absolute knockout; it could accompany a slow-dance scene in a David Lynch movie.


Deerhoof: La Isla Bonita


If you're new to Deerhoof, whose members Greg Saunier and Satomi Matsuzaki moved here a few years ago, I envy you. Their new album assails your pleasure centers like a 20 oz. Mountain Dew to your inner child's bloodstream. They are masters of balancing technical wizardry with vocal hooks -- or using those impulses to hit you from every which way, as they do in the wildly unpredictable jams "Last Fad" and "Tiny Bubbles." Never mind that it's their twelfth album, and that it might be the best representation of their legendary live show.


Beverly: Careers


10 songs averaging three minutes apiece, each one a conversation/fight/sweaty hookup between pristine vocals and churning lo-fi fuzz. (The Kim Deal comparisons are inevitable, and who would ever object to a Kim Deal comparison?) Each side ends with a slow jam a la Bev: gorgeous melodies spread out with aching slowness over ambient washes and chiming guitar leads. With those bookends and chargers like "You Can't Get it Right," Careers is the whole laugh/cry package.


Julian Casablancas & the Voidz: Tyranny


I would say that "Human Sadness," this album's 11-minute lead single, is the biggest "Fuck you, record label" ever conceived (it makes MGMT's "Flash Delirium" look like "All About That Bass"), except that Casablancas put out Tyranny on his own label. Either way, the album feels like a furious shaking off of constrictions. The dark vibes never let up, but beneath its scabby surface, Tyranny is crammed with ideas. With nods to dancehall ("Dare I Care"), Afrobeat ("Father Electricity") and too many other sources to count, this album is what it would sound like if Beck went batshit insane. That's a good thing.

Why Lana Del Rey and Azealia Banks are the Perfect Celebrity BFFs

Who would have thought that the reigning chanteuse of torch songs and a spit-fire rapper who's the queen of Twitter beefs would form an alliance? Despite their superficial differences, we can't help but think that the friendship between Lana Del Rey and Azealia Banks is a match made in a glittery, Tumblr-fied heaven. In a new interview with Galore, LDR didn't hesitate to express her admiration of Banks. For those who have been following both artists, this doesn't come as a surprise. Since each burst onto the scene in late 2011, Banks and Del Rey have supported one another like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid scoping out the fringes of pop culture. While recent pop culture history has had no shortage of bromances, 2014 has been the year of female celebrity friendships (other notable BFFs include Taylor + Karlie, Cara + Kendall). And because they don't just look pretty in a picture together but actually praise one another's work, come to each other's defense and, supposedly, bonded over a shared taste in men, Azealia and Lana's relationship might be our favorite (they also get bonus points for nail games on fleek). We take a look at the history of their friendship, below.

January 13, 2012: Lana Gets Interviewed by MTV, Mentions Azealia Banks
Right before her infamous appearance on SNL, Lana Del Rey discusses her early beginnings in music, metaphysics (which she studied at Fordham), and the rap scene in Brooklyn. In addition to Azealia Banks, the "Video Games" singer also lists Flatbush Zombies and A$AP Rocky as favorites.

February 19, 2012: Mulberry Fall/Winter 2012 Runway Show
Spotted: Lana Del Rey and a purple-and-pink-haired Azealia Banks sitting on either side of Pixie Geldof at the Claridge Hotel in London for Fashion Week.

May 7, 2012: Met Gala 2012

Del Rey and Banks hit the red carpet for the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala in New York. Banks arrives with designer Alexander Wang, while LDR is escorted by Joseph Altuzarra. Although there aren't any pictures of them posing on the carpet together, someone later uploads snaps of Del Rey and Banks together inside the event.

May 10, 2012: "Blue Jeans" Remix
Banks teams up with Del Rey for the Smims & Belle remix of "Blue Jeans." The end result is a thumping, aggressive, electronic-heavy track that blends Del Rey's dreamy vocals with Banks' sharp delivery.

August 11, 2012: Banks Reveals Dream Collaborations, Including Lady Gaga, Grimes and Lana Del Rey
On her Tumblr account, Banks replies to a fan: "I've done a remix for Lana, but yeah i'd def love to collab with her on something original...I think all of these girls are great..grimes is really cool, i love her hairstyles. :)"

September 4, 2012: GQ Men of the Year Awards
Banks posts a photo with Del Rey on her personal Instagram from the 2012 GQ Men of the Year Awards at the Royal Opera House in London. The two fandoms collectively freak out at the possibility of a Banks/Del Rey collab.

December 4-5, 2013: Lana Del Rey Premieres Short Film Project, Banks Makes an Appearance
Del Rey debuts her short film project, which features songs from the Paradise LP. The project, Tropico, explores Del Rey's usual ruminations on love, death, greed, happiness, and the meaning of life. Del Rey stars as Eve and model Shaun Ross plays Adam. On her Instagram, Banks uploads a photo with Del Rey and Ross, in addition to a Tropico poster signed by Del Rey, complete with a heart. Banks captions the latter photo #mybish. 

June 22, 2014: Azealia Banks Loves Ultraviolence
Banks voices her love of Del Rey's much-anticipated sophomore LP, Ultraviolence. She also confesses that she's a Kesha fan.

November 7, 2014: Lana Declares Her Love for Banks
No one thought it would happen, but Banks pulls a Beyoncé and unexpectedly drops her official debut, Broke With Expensive Taste. It's met with critical acclaim. Del Rey isn't shy about showing her support and tweets multiple times about the album's release, including, "love my one and only girl xxx."

November 11, 2014: Eminem Threatens to Punch Lana Del Rey in the Face, Azealia Comes to the Rescue
Eminem releases a video, "SHADYXV -- THE CXVPHER," to promote his upcoming compilation album. At one point, Eminem raps, "Bitch I'll punch Lana Del Rey right in the face twice, like Ray Rice in broad daylight in the plain sight of the elevator surveillance / 'Til her head is banging on the railing, then celebrate with the Ravens." Although Del Rey, who previously stated she was a big fan of Slim Shady, doesn't publicly respond, Banks tweets, "tell [Eminem] to go back to his trailer park and eat his microwave hotpocket dinner and suck on his sisters tiddies." Eminem ignores Banks.

November 14, 2014: Azealia Defends Lana, Again
In an interview with Dazed, Banks explains her outrage over Eminem's Del Rey diss verse. She says, "Don't you tell Lana Del Rey that you're going to fucking punch in her face! What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking idiot! What about Lana Del Rey would evoke anger? Like, do you get angry when you listen to Lana Del Rey? Does she make you angry? It's like, you're fortysomething now and you have a daughter whose [sic] like a teenager now."

November 19, 2014: Banks Names Del Rey As Her Only Music Industry Friend
In an interview with Vogue reporter Mark Guiducci, Banks speaks about her friendship with Del Rey. She says, "We can talk and have dinner and it's just regular with her...I have one really good music industry friend and her name is Lana Del Rey."

December 1, 2014: Galore Interview
Interviewed by her sister, Chuck Grant, for Galore and photographed by her boyfriend, Francesco Carrozzini, Lana discusses upcoming projects, why she left New York, and her unwavering support for Azealia. She says, "I fuck with Azealia Banks because I have the same artistic inclinations as her and the same taste in men." A solid foundation for friendship, indeed. 

December 6, 2014: Banks Instagrams Del Rey's Maxim Cover
Captioned with "Look at my bitchhhhh," Banks posts her copy of the December/January issue of Maxim, which features her bestie on the cover.

The Ultimate Fangirl Holiday Gift Guide

Life is full of little things to take interest in, but for the fangirl, lusting after certain celebrities, culture icons, and TV shows is a full time job. And like actual jobs, it requires a uniform: Drake sweatshirts, Beyoncé merch, Benedict Cumberbatch socks, etc. We all have that friend (or are that friend) who can't help but wear their undying love of whatever they're super into at the moment on their sleeve or tote bag. There's a lot of stuff out there to fuel your loved one's celebrity worship, but we've sorted through the sea of Etsy nightmares to bring you the best gifts for the fangirl in your life.

For Beyoncé fans:

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 1.29.15 PM.png"Flaming Idols" votive candle, $11.94

Bey_good_front_1_1024x1024.jpgBey Good Backpack, $125

For members of the NAVY:

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 1.32.23 PM.pngRihanna 2015 Wall Calendar, $17.06

Screen_Shot_2014-02-17_at_7.55.25_PM_2048x2048.pngRihanna is a Pisces Sweatshirt, $79.00 

For Seth Rogen x James Franco fans:

socks-seth-HIRES_1024x1024.jpgSeth Rogen Best Buds Socks, $14.50

03_canary_fd2ad2da-7860-4679-8783-f9188c300e53_1024x1024.jpgStoner Keytag by Various Projects, $15.00

JAMES_TEE_1024x1024.pngJames Franco Tee, $55.00

For Kimye Fans:

kanye_new.jpgKanye Shirt, $60.00

moc-kk-3-1416344911.jpgKim Kardashian #BreakTheInternet Bucket Hat, $34.99

 For Miley Fans:

miley.pngThe Miley Tee, $34.95

Miley Sweatshirt, $1637.00

For Drake lovers:

PP_Product_Feb_8_2014-693-2_2048x2048.jpgWorst Behavior Sweatshirt, $69.00

il_570xN.684500142_i490.jpgDrake Nail Decals, $7.00

See more holiday gift guides HERE!

Watch Panda Bear's Trippy Video for "Boys Latin"


Panda Bear's latest track "Boys Latin," off his forthcoming album Panda Bear Meets the Grimm Reaper, comes with delightfully entrancing visuals. The trippy music video was directed by Isaiah Saxon and Sean Hellfritsch from Encyclopedia Pictura (the folks who recently brought us this wonderfully weird Metronomy clip) and it's easy to see why the musician chose to premiere it on Adult Swim last night. Watch the animated journey, above.

[h/t Pitchfork]

Listen to iLoveMakkonen's New Track, "Swerve"


iLoveMakkonen charmed us all with his warbling, Drake-remixed sound on "Tuesday." The weekday anthem even made it to the number two spot on Pitchfork's picks for the 100 Best Tracks of 2014. Now the DIY rapper is back with "Swerve," a new track off the re-issue of his self-titled EP, ILOVEMAKKONEN from OVOSound. Produced by Mike Will Made It and Marz, "Swerve" still embodies iLoveMakkonen's endearing, off-kilter vibe. Listen to the track, above.

Despite What They Say, Fashion Magazines Aren't Embracing Diversity

Back in March, Vogue published an op-ed titled, "Is The Fashion World Finally Embracing Diversity?" Right before applauding their own contributions to bringing diverse models to the forefront, this article stated that "the 'white-out' years that have chilled the heart of the industry appear to be on the way out." And yes, we've witnessed a handful of landmark fashion moments that championed non-traditional models this year, but the statistics are proving that, unfortunately, this is not enough.

The Fashion Spot took a survey of "44 major print magazines from around the world to see just how big the disparity was in terms of racial representation in 2014." Out of the 611 total covers put out from these major magazines over the course of this year, they found that white models were featured 567 times, while women of color only made 119 appearances. (The survey notes that they "use the term 'model' to include anyone appearing on a cover, whether or not they are actually a model.") If that doesn't seem like such a huge discrepancy, here's what model diversity looked like in 2014 as a purple pie chart:
Screen Shot 2014-12-15 at 4.27.48 PM.pngvia The Fashion Spot

What's worse, the survey found, was that Vogue (surprise, surprise) was one of least diverse publications. Vogue U.K., Vogue Netherlands, Vogue Paris, Vogue UkraineVogue Russia, and Teen Vogue neglected to feature any models of color on their covers. Not a cute look, 2014!

If all of this has bummed you out feel free to bask in the glory of Jourdan Dunn and Naomi Campell ruling everything in Burberry's new Spring campaign:


Watch These Shirtless Hot Guys While You Wait for "Broad City" Season 2


The girls of Broad City have taunted us with hilarious trailers and promos leading up to the season 2 premiere. Now they've offered up some wet, shirtless hunks for us to get excited about while we wait ever so patiently for January 14. Watch the moving pin-up calendar and forget all about Seth Rogen, above.