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    MACHISMO JAMES.jpgMACHISMO is a collection of self-shot (and self-starring) "dick pics" that artist James Concannon took around the United States of America on his iPhone. The book -- or zine, really -- features X-rated pics in all stages of sexual response and will be released in a limited-edition of 25 copies, which you can snag via Girlfriend Gallery. To celebrate the release, Concannon held a party at East Village gay bar The Cock and shortly thereafter chatted with us about everything from male sexuality and self publishing to dating apps and whether or not size really matters.

    Let's start at the beginning -- the first shot in the book is of a baby's heading crowning out of a vagina, is that you?

    That is me and my mom and a random doctor's hand. My dad shot a picture of me within seconds of entering the world. It's one of my prized possessions. A large impetus of my obsession with the seed [semen] and subsequent art work is the fact that I am also now a dad. Got a boy. My dad and mom made my dick and I helped make my kid's dick. I'm way into family.

    How did this project come to fruition?

    MACHISMO stemmed from a few situations and realizations all coinciding within a couple months back. I had increasingly become more and more obsessed with the universality of the seed and was directing a lot of art projects toward that. I was working on a pitch to do a 1930s traveling tent revival in the southern US, actively holding sermons and slinging my seed as the base of a snake oil, explaining to the onlookers that it was from the "north american flesh rattler" i.e. a used ribbed condom of mine. Would've been a fully immersive experience, an RV outfitted as a hoarding christian with a porn addiction, flags displaying a snake half sheathed in a condom, etc... however nobody wanted to give me 10 grand to do it. Then I realized I had these dick pics, and they were free.

    What inspired you to take these "unedited dick pics" and turn them into a book?

    The book was originally conceived because I needed money. As an artist working in today's market, I do a lot of sales over the omnipresent Instagram. In this vapid platform the tangible currency is a "like" and I kept realizing I would get more likes on selfies than on actual artwork. So why not just sell my dick to these people? It's what they want anyways. Though the initial conception was based on monetary gain, it quickly grew into a much larger activated contemporary social commentary than I could have imagined.

    What are your thoughts on dating and hook up apps like Tinder, Grindr or Scruff?

    People want to get it in. It's easy. It's shrouded in mystery. Culturally we are delving deep into a cloaked sexual reality, a pre-reformation secrecy, in which we can suffice all our hidden desires through the cloud yet they stay deeply hidden. People think they can say the wildest shit to another person over the internet, yet this would never happen in the outside world -- aka "meat space." Unless you keep it real, then please, express yourself.

    Are you on any of these applications?

    Of course. They're super interesting within themselves and act on many different levels for me. On one hand I use them to promote art shows in cities I don't live, invite all the babes. On another hand I use them to suffice my personal vanity. I'm a Leo. I dated a girl off OK Cupid once, and we were seriously so fucking alike, and it was terrible. She punched me in the face at a convenience store for no reason then laughed at me. Oh yeah, and nudes. Send nudes.

    Why was it important for you to have the book launch at a gay bar?

    My sexual preference may be geared towards women but it's not like I haven't tried! I'm super interested in vintage gay porn and the look of the male figure. I also hang out in the queer scene in different pockets of the US so I didn't really find it strange to be at the Cock. My buddy Niko mentioned the idea, and it was kinda like why not? I think the book can be equally admired by all genders but in terms of the aggressiveness of the dick in the book, it was kind of a no brainer.

    What are your thoughts on stereotypes about dick size, particularly that you're "more of a man" if you have a bigger penis?

    Do people say that to each other? I don't know. I think people can be whatever they wanna be. Have a huge dick but be genderqueer and go by a she [pronoun]. Have no dick but be way more a man than me. I'm definitely feminine in certain aspects of my life and know some guys that are way more outwardly masculine and manly than me, but my dick might be bigger.

    Your penis is in an array of backdrops and locations. Where did you take the images?

    Traveling around the states doing art shows. I don't really live anywhere, so I just bounce around and stay on couches or friends' beds and take the pics. The best part was at the release a few friends showed up and their beds / houses were in it. Being my friends, they kind of felt like it was an honor. 

    Was there any particular artistic setup in preparing to take the images of your dick?

    Well the first half of the images were created without knowing a book was down the line. They were just standard dick pics. The second half I realized I wanted all the same angle so I kept taking them like that. Its the background nuances that are fun. One image has a tub of ice cream and a bottle of lotion. I'm a diabetic and my blood was low, so I ate the ice cream. Fuck the lotion though, used my spit.

    Has your previous work ever explored sexuality in such a candid way?

    Yeah I've done a lot of work in the sexual realm. Maybe it's the repressed Christian in me (sold my soul to the lord between the ages of 12-17) but I have all these things I try to address and do so with sexual undertones. However, the real gem of MACHISMO is the almost Pollock-ian quality to it. His drip paintings -- everybody was like, I can do that! Dick pic book. All the boys got them and now are feeling, what the fuck I could've done that!

    Was there ever a time you hesitated or were reluctant to share these dick pics in a book?

    No, I have a beautiful penis. I will reiterate -- I am a Leo.

    Was there any specific intention behind the order of the photos?For instance, we see you orgasm near the end more frequently.

    The first half are all erections held by my right hand. The center of the book are two 4-photo series of ejaculations. The last half are cum shots. It's like a journey through the orgasm. 

    MACHISMO was co-released with Perv On The Go founder Shelby Sells 9/29 in a limited edition of 25.

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    Update: T.I. has responded with this meaningless apology, tweeting that his remarks were "insensitive" and apologizing to anyone he offended, which should be pretty much everyone. This is some bullshit, and throwing up 140 characters of PR garbage doesn't make it any less bullshit.

    In an interview, T.I. -- the dude who put on Iggy Azalea and then repeatedly defended her until it was no longer in his business interests -- said he wouldn't be able to vote for a women for president, because they're, like, too emotional or some other sexist bullshit. Here's what he said:

    "Just because, every other position that exists, I think a woman could do well. But, the president? It's kinda like, I just know that women make rash decisions emotionally -- they make very permanent, cemented decisions -- and then later, it's kind of like it didn't happen, or they didn't mean for it to happen. And I sure would hate to just set off a nuke." 

    Congrats T.I.! If there are people who actually care about your inane opinion, they are learning to internalize sexism from your "just saying" posture that takes received conventional wisdom-slash-bullshit and turns it into "truth telling" because it rightfully makes people upset. Hopefully, no one actually does care. 

    It's really too bad that T.I. keeps putting his foot in his mouth (or just opening his mouth, period) like this, since he's actually been putting out some pretty good music lately. Of course, we all know T.I. would be a better president than any women, since he has never made a stupid decision. [via EW]

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    #5weeks #PURPOSE

    A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

    Justin Bieber's forthcoming album Purpose has apparently been banned from several Muslim countries due to the album's "provocative" artwork.

    According to TMZ, the album's been given the boot from several Middle Eastern countries and mainly-Muslim Indonesia due to the overt Christian imagery on the cover (namely, Bieb's cross chest tattoo) in tandem with him being, well, shirtless -- seeing as how it would obviously go against traditional Islamic guidelines for modest dress.

    True Beliebers are advised not to worry though, as Bieber's team is currently trying to come up with alternate redesigns. IDK, maybe it's just time to totally cover up, J?

    [h/t TMZ]

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    It's fall, which means we're entering cuffing season and an excuse to never leave our apartments. But whether you find that winter fling or not, there are still plenty of great ways besides "Netflix and Chill" (R.I.P.) to keep yourself busy while you hibernate. Take a cue from all the kids back at school and stock up on some of this season's best reads, ten of which we've chosen below.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.50.22 PM.pngThe Unprofessionals: New American Writing from The Paris Review (November 17)
    Edited by Loren Stein

    Though The Paris Review has been around since 1953, this collection of essays, poetry, and stories from the last five years proves that the publication is anything but stodgy. Case in point: Ottessa Moshfegh's "A Dark and Winding Road," in which a dildo serves a crucial role. Or Emma Cline's "Marion," which features adolescent girls taking nude pictures of each other and led, in part, to Cline's (rumored) seven figure, three-book deal with Random House. Cline's debut novel, The Girls, will be out next year.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.52.04 PM.pngGrace Jones: I'll Never Write My Memoirs (September 29)
    By Grace Jones, as told to Paul Morley

    "I don't care if you don't believe me. The best secrets are beyond belief," writes singer/mode/ actress/PAPER cover star Grace Jones in the introduction to her memoir. A few revelations: "Shaving my head led directly to my first orgasm;""I went on a ride with the Hells Angels once;" and "[Fela Kuti] just tried to marry me and my sister Pam."

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.53.21 PM.pngGame of Scones: All Men Must Dine (A Parody) (November 10)
    Jammy Lannister

    The name says it all. The dessert cookbook is divided into cleverly-named sections (eg. "Dinner is Coming"), and the author behind the pseudonym is a well-kept secret. The best picture in here features an "Oberyn's Smashing Surprise" -- a chocolate egg decorated like a face and filled with red jelly so that when you press on the "eyes," the thing explodes into a gory, faux-bloody mess. Another recipe calls for "some meringue, some strawberries, and some cream" alongside "a whole lot of incestuous loving."

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.54.07 PM.pngM Train (October 6)
    Patti Smith

    Patti Smith can do no wrong. She has enjoyed a stellar music career, exhibited drawings, and won the National Book Award for her memoir, Just Kids. Now she's back with a travel memoir featuring her dreams, her participation in "the Continental Drift Club" (an obscure society within the global earth-science community), a reference to Comme des Garçons, and a photograph of Sylvia Plath's grave. Smith relates her travels to Berlin, French Guiana, Mexico City, Scandinavia, and beyond. Could she be any cooler?

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.56.10 PM.pngVertigo (October)
    Joanna Walsh

    Vertigo is the latest from Dorothy, a small press in St. Louis that publishes two books, mostly by women, per year. Walsh, a British writer and illustrator, composes clear, lyrical prose about women at odds with the people that surround them, from strangers to family members. In Paris, at an oyster restaurant, around archeological ruins, on a plane, and even at home, the narrators of Walsh's stories struggle to understand their positions in the world.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.57.22 PM.pngMarilyn: In the Flash (October 27)
    David Wills

    If you're a Marilyn Monroe fan, this one's a must-have. The book includes rare and unseen photographs, behind-the-scenes notes, and interviews. The multi-talented Wills is known for his work as an author, independent curator, photographic preservationist, and editor. Marilyn: In the Flash is the most recent of his glamorous productions.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 1.58.23 PM.pngThe Japanese Lover (November 3)
    Isabel Allende

    If you're into sweeping multi-generational novels that weave together romance, violence, and history, Isabel Allende's work is a safe bet. In Allende's newest installment, Alma Belasco escapes Poland in 1939 for San Francisco, where she lives with her aunt and uncle and falls in love with the son of their Japanese gardener. Another storyline involves a friendship between Alma's grandson and a careworker many decades later.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 2.01.22 PM.pngThe Sartorialist: X (October 27)
    Scott Schuman

    Over the past ten years, Scott Schuman made a name for himself by photographing people and their clothing around the world. The Sartorialist: X brings together some of his most intriguing images, often arranged to surprise -- two bikini-clad women on a beach, followed by two gray-haired women in a small town, followed by a man swinging a cricket bat. If you need a little fashion inspiration this season, check it out.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 2.02.54 PM.pngUpright Beasts (October)
    Lincoln Michel

    Lincoln Michel may be best known for editing Electric Literature, a go-to site for artist interviews, reviews, long-form essays, and short fiction. Now, Michel is showcasing his own writing talents in his first book, a story collection. In "Our Education," the teachers have disappeared from a grade school, and "The River Trick," features an apartment building in which most of the tenants are trying to commit suicide. Need some light to read by? Michel is working on a candle with writer Tanwi Nandini Islam as part of her #GetLit series of candles inspired by contemporary books.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 2.03.54 PM.pngKIM (October 20)
    Sean Smith

    Sean Smith's biography of Kim Kardashian West just goes to show that no matter how many hours of reality television you tape, or how many selfies you take, there's always more to the story. Smith dives into the megastar's childhood, sex tape, divorce, clothing, and more. There are details about North West and Caitlyn Jenner, but the story is, of course, really all about Kim.

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    A Tribe Called Quest's debut album, People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm, is getting a special reissue to celebrate its 25th anniversary, including remastered versions of straight classics like "Can I Kick It?" and a new opportunity to catch up on the underrated songs (we see you, "Luck of Lucien"). As part of the rerelease strategy, there's a bit of new music, including a remix of "Bonita Applebum" by Pharrell himself. "Bonita Applebum" is one of the best hip-hop love songs, period, and it's beat is as distinctive as pretty much everything else about the brightly-clad, goofy young Tribe from the People's Instinctive Travels period, but this remix more or less effectively updates the vibe of the track, and is chill enough listening for your late night tonight. Listen to the remix below, and read Pharrell and Al Gore in conversation for Paper here. [via Complex]

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    Mama Shelter Hotel, one of our favorite luxury lodgers in Europe, is finally opening a U.S. location in Los Angeles -- and it looks incredible. 

    Designed by Thierry Gaugain, the 6-story, 7-room hotel is also blessed with awesome gastronomical blessings like Intelligentsia Coffee and Farmshop pastries, not to mention an entire menu crafted by Chef Benjamin Bailly. The L.A. location also adds a unique, hyperlocal touch to every aspect of hospitality by providing things like a jam-friendly, guitar-filled lobby, a 360 view of the Hollywood Hills and scripts for "Pulp Fiction" and "The Big Lebowski" along with the traditional bedside bible. 

    Make sure to check out the "Mama Loves You" opening package and other sick offers.     

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    It's CMJ week, so please be careful not to trip over any buzz bands while you go about your day. After careful examination, we have determined that of the 100,000,000 acts will be playing the CMJ Music Marathon, these are the ones with the best names. We can't speak to the quality of their music (we tried to listen to all of the new bands and ran out of time around the Fs), and clearly it would be difficult for mere music to live up to the grandiosity of a name like The Harmonica Lewinskies (pictured above), but we applaud the creativity on display here. Should you simply have to know what Milk Dick and Hot Panda sound like, schedules are available here.

    'Nuff Said

    Animal Reporters

    Band Without Hands


    Captain Baby

    Clean Cut Kid

    Cool Ghouls

    Cousin Earth

    Fat Heaven



    Girls With Brown Hair

    Gramma's Boyfriend


    Ham Sandwich

    Hockey Dad

    Hot Panda

    Human People

    Jesus On The Mainline

    Mail The Horse

    Manic Pixi

    Milk DIck

    My Bubba

    My Left Tit

    Narc Twain



    Surf Rock Is Dead


    The Harmonica Lewinskies

    The Henry Millers

    Uncle Frank


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    Turns out club kid-cum-murderer Michael Alig is selling off his collection of peripherally-related-to-Party Monster memorabilia via Mandelbaum Booksellers.

    In an all-caps sale from the L.A.-based rare books and ephemera purveyors branded "MICHAEL ALIG CLUB KID/KILLER," include the lunchbox he was carrying at the time of his arrest (filled with things like an empty bottle of Methadone, razor blades, nail polish MAC eye shadow, a broach [sic] and a hotel room key), a set of photos from his early party days at the Roxy for $1250 and his first-edition copy of Disco Bloodbath which he kept with him in jail for $500.

    Alig put a bunch of paintings he did while he was incarcerated up for sale earlier this summer as well.

     Peep a few of the items from the Mandelbaum sale below -- or if you're seriously contemplating purchasing that nail polish from the 90s, you can contact the sellers here.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 3.06.56 PM.png
    A first-edition copy of James St. James' Disco Bloodbath that belonged to Alig's mother and hand-written note from the author -- $300

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 3.06.43 PM.png
    The lunchbox Michael Alig was carrying when he was arrested

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 3.06.50 PM.png
    The contents of the lunchbox Alig was carrying when he was arrested -- pricing is currently unlisted.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 3.14.39 PM.png
    photos from Alig's early club days at The Roxy -- $1250

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    Who said video games can't be sexy? Especially after meeting Elvie, the brand new device that turns kegel exercises into a virtual video game.

    An adorable (and discrete!) bean sprout-shaped device that uses Bluetooth and motion sensors to track your clenches and releases, it's meant to help make kegeling fun with a 3 difficulty levels of 5-minute workouts. After all, Kegel exercises are supposed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which control urine flow and apparently intensifies a woman's orgasm -- so y'all better get flexing. 

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    Yesterday, we told you how to get your entire squad to dress up as different iterations of Kim Kardashian for Halloween. Today, we move on to someone with, if anything, an opposite sense of style -- Hillary Clinton. She's not the first person you'd think of as a style icon, but she's been one of the most important people in the country for decades, and has maintained her very own particular sort of normcore-ness throughout her tenure as First Lady, a senator from New York, Secretary of State, and both of her own presidential campaigns. With the first 2016 Democratic debate coming up tonight, check out tips on how your crew can ball out and take the presidency.

    college hillary.jpgCollege Hillary
    Fun, free, hippie Hillary is equal parts kooky and stern -- but then again it may just be the circus pants. And if you want to channel this look, just know this aesthetic is pure Etsy-thrift vibes, so it's definitely a plan-ahead, make sure you have ample shipping time kind of deal. All you'll need to pull off this look is a Bumpit, a pair of neutral striped bell-bottoms, a '70s-style blouse (cuff is key!) and a pair of octagonal wire-rims (though TBH any geometric wire frames should work).

    Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 3.27.32 PM.png'90s Skirt Suit Hillary
    While her name may be synonymous with pantsuits, a quick Google scan reveals that '90s-era First Lady Hillary tended to stick with knee-grazing skirt suits. To pull this Hillary look off on Halloween, you really only need a few key pieces: a boxy skirt suit (shoulder pads preferable) in royal blue or red, nude pantyhose, big pearl or gold button earrings and some hot rollers and aqua net to give your hair an extra helmet-y oomph. Spend the night alternating between glazed over smiles (campaign Hillary) and annoyed scowls (doomed health care talks and/or Monica Lewinsky scandal Hillary).

    giphy (2).gifWhite Wine-Chugging Hillary
    It was the 1997 White House Press Correspondents Dinner. A baby-faced Jon Stewart was hosting and Bill had just told a groan-worthy joke about the McLaughlin Group, when, at the 30:30 mark, the camera cut to Hillary chugging down the the rest of her wine like she was wrapping up a standard-issue Tinder date. Nothing screams 'get me the fuck out of here' like forced laughter, a pointed blink and a drink-slam. At this moment, I think we all knew Hills could party serious. You'll need a '90s fug-floral dress (sequined is a plus), a glass of white wine, clip-on sparkly earrings, and a blonde wig.

    Doomed 2008 Hillary

    Fun Fact, this is not the first time Hillary Clinton has run for President. Weird, right? Waaaaaay back in 2008, aka the time before Twitter, Hillary tried to get the nomination. Some other dude got it. She's hoping things will be different this time around. Grab your finest red blazer, black shirt, and prepare to look "positive" while you secretly want to kill the guy who took your rightful nomination. If you need moral support, find someone to dress up as Chelsea!

    texts from hillary.jpgBad-Ass Sunglasses Hillary
    The photo that's the source of the entire "Texts From Hillary" meme, this might be the most aggressive Hillary, the one most likely to totally destroy you in a bout of international diplomacy. So for your crazy friend, grab a pair of sunglasses, your best turquoise earrings, and, of course, a Blackberry (if you can find one!) and you'll be ready to send extremely intimidating texts as the Secretary of State (more like Secretary of Great, amirite?).

    hillary-clinton-2016-president-election.jpg2016 Juggernaut Hillary
    Here's the current final form of Hillary -- she's in a little bit of trouble, but still appears to be in the strongest position of any non-incumbent presidential candidate in, well, maybe not ever, but close. Throw on a slightly more interesting, yellow pattern blazer (or, if you can find it, the delightful scarf and metallic coat she wore on BuzzFeed's "Another Round"), get your hair ready to gleam, and amass all of the support the Democratic political establishment has to offer you before heading off to debate Bernie Sanders.

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    We're willing to believe -- especially when it concerns the teaser shots for Orthodox Priest's forthcoming 2016 calendar, which ups-the-suggestive-ante this year in more ways than once.

    Dubbed "Sancta Paraphilia," which literally translates to "holy desires, or sexual practices that differ from traditional," this latest addition to the controversial series of calendars is meant to highlight the hypocrisy of homophobia in the church. Now with all new shots of fully "disrobed" priests, compromising positions and kinky fetishes!

    Check out a few of the steamy shots below (including one of anti-gay Russian President Vladimir Putin and Patriarch Kirill I of Moscow in sexy lingerie), as well as the racy teaser video. NSFW, duh.


    [h/t New Now Next

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    Netflix's A Very Murray Christmas is one of the most hotly anticipated projects of the coming frozen season, with Bill Murray himself starring in a ridiculous Christmas special directed by Sofia Coppola and featuring a ton of celebrities. There will dancing, Miley Cyrus singing on a piano, Maya Rudolph singing, and Phoenix showing up for some reason. December 4 can't come fast enough. [via Indiewire]

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    SG interior_LoRes.jpg Stadium Goods, an online marketplace that allows users to buy and sell exclusive footwear, is opening a brick and mortar shop in New York City. Even with their clean and efficient web interface, John McPheters and Jed Stiller, Stadium Goods' co-founders, felt it was time to bring their high level of customer service and unique selection of footwear to Soho's Canal Street this month. From the $40,000 Jordan x Undefeated collab to the coveted "Back to Future" Nike Air Mags (retails for $9,000), Stadium Goods is bringing the dopest shoes to you in new ways.

      SG Custom Case_LoRes.jpg They even have in-store pick up for online purchases, streamlining the online buy-and-sell experience and making it more uniform and accountable. Nearby their new retail location is their currently open Market Center for in-store drop off for those kicks and other apparel you want to get rid of. Check out Stadium Goods' website here and, if you're in Soho, stop by their crispy new flagship stores (both the retail and market center) when they open on Friday, October 16, 2015. It'll be open 7 days a week, from noon-8pm.

    Stadium Goods Market Center, 305 Canal Street, New York, New York, 10013 
    Stadium Goods Retail Store, 47 Howard Street, New York, New York, 10013

      SG_Interior LowRes_2.jpg

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    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 11.34.29 AM.png
    So apparently pornstar Asa Akira has a sex-positive (duh) health podcast with LA artist David Choe called DVDASA -- and they legitimately have the greatest line of merchandise to ever exist. 

    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 11.34.34 AM.png
    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 11.34.46 AM.png

    And while the podcast itself appears to now be possibly defunct (?), the online merch store is still alive and kicking. Though for some reason, they still seem to have ample quantities of treasures like a butthole t-shirt, snapback and more quote-unquote tasteful treasures à la:

    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 11.34.13 AM.png

    Probably because no one realized how assthetically-pleasing/ridiculously soft a butthole-printed blanket could actually be. Grab all the butts here.

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    Rave_Reviews.jpgCritical enthusiasm over a movie is fun to witness, until it spills over into frighteningly hyperbolic gushing that requires a massive cleanup afterwards. Here are some of the most elaborate raves in history, napkins not included.

    "The film, only very loosely based on the early Chekhov play Platonov, is perhaps even closer to Chekhov than Chekhov was." -- Janet Maslin's New York Times review of Unfinished Piece For a Player Piano (1977)

    "Hilarious comedy, neglected at time of release, is tremendous fun in the classic comedy tradition." -- Leonard Maltin on Who's Minding The Mint?, an extremely minor doodad starring Jim Hutton, Milton Berle, and Bob Denver (1967)

    "The finale -- a parody of Antonioni's apocalyptic vision at the close of Zabriskie Point -- is the greatest finish for any villain ever. One can imagine Welles, Peckinpah, Scorsese, and Spielberg still stunned, bowing to the ground, choking with laughter." -- Pauline Kael's review of Brian De Palma's The Fury (1978)

    "A picture for all of the people in all of the places" -- Motion Picture Herald review of Young Tom Edison (1940)

    "Hollow Man is one hell of a scary ride." -- David Manning of the Ridgefield Press (2000) (The problem is, no such person existed! Sony completely made up the critic in order to get a good quote! When busted, they had to pay various damages and maybe even start trying to make better movies. Meanwhile, a real critic, Leonard Maltin, said Hollow Man starts out fun, but "turns nasty and stupid." That sounds more realistic than his Who's Minding The Mint? review.)

    "It's impossible not to fall in love with Mistress America." -- New York Daily News (Well, impossible things are happening every day -- like the day I saw the film and found it labored and blah. And I usually love Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach!)

    All reviews of Two Days, One Night

    "The jaw dropping, eye popping, heart stopping epic we've been waiting for all year. Stupendously entertaining. What you will see will spin your head six ways from Sunday. Jackson, a wizard to rival Gandalf and the lord of mythic filmmaking, ends 2005 on a note of pure exhilaration" -- Peter Travers'Rolling Stone review of King Kong

    "Excellent! The most charming and wonderful movie you'll see all year." -- Shawn Edwards' Fox4 News (in Kansas City) review of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

    "Rowan Atkinson has never been funnier.""Martin Lawrence has never been funnier.""Jack Nicholson is at his very best.""Jennifer Lopez is back and better than ever!" -- Shawn Edwards on Johnny English Reborn; Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins; Something's Gotta Give; and The Back-Up Plan
    "Suspenseful! This is suspense like Hitchcock used to make." -- Jim Ferguson's KGUN-TV review of Derailed

    "Bad News Bears loads the bases with hilarious, non-stop comedy! Better than the original...Billy Bob Thornton's comedy is pure genius!" -- Clay Smith, Access Hollywood

    "Sheer exhilaration...showstopping......moving... breathtaking...stunning..." -- Paul Fischer's Dark Horizons review of Rent

    "As hilarious as it is action packed." -- Paul Fischer on Kung Fu Hustle

    "It's out of control action and laughs." -- Good Day Sacramento's Mark S. Allen's review of The Dukes of Hazzard

    "Certified comic gold! Hysterical! Bernie Mac is at his absolute best! Perhaps the best buddy picture ever!" -- Mark S. Allen on Soul Men

    "Thrilling. Smart. Sexy. Chilling, engaging. You'll be feeling this film long after you leave the theater." -- Mark S. Allen, The X Files: I Want to Believe

    Let me end with an array of blurbs from renowned quote whore Earl Dittman (owner of Wireless magazines), who never met a piece of crap he didn't like. Among his most renowned utterances:

    "Soon to take its place as one of this generation's most hilarious, smart and entertaining family classics" -- review of Racing Stripes

    "Hilarious! Wonderfully witty. A comedy for the child in all of us." -- review of Son of the Mask

    "Outrageously funny! Absolute comic perfection" -- re Guess Who

    "Spectacular! An eye popping, action-packed masterpiece!" -- re The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D

    "You'll howl with laughter." -- Scooby-Do

    "100% pure fun and excitement!" -- Catwoman

    "A heart stopping, edge of your seat thriller. Jessica Alba gives a knockout performance." -- Into the Blue

    "The scariest movie of the year!" -- Pulse

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    After decades of jokes about reading it only for the articles, Playboy announced earlier this week that it would stop running fully nude photos, primarily because printing nudes is basically pointless -- anyone can get porn anywhere online now. But that wasn't always the case. It used to be that you couldn't just google pretty much anything and pull up pornography (or a service that would allow to, for some reason, pay for it). Humanity's long history of ingenuity and resourcefulness extends, naturally, to satisfying the collective impulse to be titillated, to be exposed to exposure. Here are a few ways that's happened throughout the course of civilization jerking itself off.

    erotic cave painting.jpgCave Paintings
    Yes, even primordial cave men needed erotic stimulation, which explains the presence of cave paintings depicting sex acts going back 28,000 years. It would be easy to interpret this as a "men have always been historically gross" story, but really it just means that the sex drive has been a part of human society for essentially as long as it's been around, and that we should maybe just be more accepting of its various iterations and expressions. (See couple fucking to far right.)

    Let's face it -- a ton of the history is art consists in ways of getting nude images to people without having to violate dumb social taboos about sex and publicity. (There are legions of reasons why the portrayal of naked bodies in these works is intellectually interesting, but they're not important for these purposes, at the moment.) Go back through basically any artistic movement, from ancient sculpture to paintings in Rome to... well... anything, and you'll find some naked people.

    Tijuana Bibles
    Scrappily-produced cartoon books featuring various characters (some of them famous, like Popeye and Olive Oyl) doing the deed, these were some of the most prominent works of erotica in the early 20th century. Accordingly, they've become collector's items.

    playboy-1971.jpgNudie Mags
    And here we are, back at Playboy. Mass-printing erotica in a form easily accessible to dudes catching their commuter trains (and just out of reach for teens exposed only to the aggressively opaque packaging) made for a very particular moment in the life of adolescent sexuality, when finding an old Playboy or Hustler or something was a huge deal. No longer! Rejoice, teen boys -- the world is your gentlemen's club. (Vomit.)

    518JHT6YY0L.jpgSex-Ed Textbooks
    Medical books, cartoonish sex-ed books for health classes -- these used to be extremely important sources of knowledge about the human body, even in ridiculously cartoonish form. Did you ever pore over one of these books and try to imagine what the drawings would look like as real people? If not, you are lucky.

    si swimsuit.jpgSports Illustrated
    Is there another purpose for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? (No.)

    mac-a-novel-romance-collection-top.jpgRomance Novels
    Lots and lots of classic novels were derided as trash because they featured sex in various stages of explicitness (check out some D.H. Lawrence, fam). And while many "trash" works of literature aren't worth revisiting, the genre as a whole is still fascinating -- how many people go out of their way to consume text-based erotica now?

    victorias-secret-catalog-cover.jpgLingerie Catalogs
    Oh, the Victoria's Secret catalog and its various male equivalents (International Male, we see you). It's supposed to show off what the clothing looks like, right? Right? It's not weird for you to order, like, six copies to your house. Not at all.

    Stevens-Date--1-of-1--small.jpgPorn Theaters
    If you were looking for something a little more exhibitionist (or you just really wanted to watch a porn movie in the era before VHS, DVDs, and easily accessible recordings in practically any form) you had to go out publicly to a porn theater and see people boning with a ton of other people in the room. Some people are still into this! Others have been arrested for being a little too into it.

    oscar_15631328197655.JPGPay Per View Porn
    Way, way back in the day, there were specific channels you could watch that would let you order porn. Sometimes, this still happens (but only in hotel rooms). If you didn't have these channels growing up, the screen would stay scrambled but the sound was usually still available. If you watched for long enough, intermittent frames would unscramble and reveal flashes of Spice channel realness.When the bodies on the screen unscrambled, it was time for all of the assembled teens in the room to... uh... scramble? (There's no good way of putting this.)

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    gibsonpapermagazine.jpgWilliam Gibson photographed by Michael O' Shea

    For our Nowstalgia issue, PAPER examined the way the past continually informs the present. Very few people have predicted our constantly-connected world with the accuracy of pioneering science-fiction author William Gibson, whose novels Neuromancer and The Sprawl Trilogy showed a world where we were always connected to the internet back before most people even had AOL accounts. Last year Erika M Anderson, who records and performs as EMA, released The Future's Void, an unflinching look at feeling disassociated in the modern world.  Two of the stand-out tracks, "3Jane" and "Neuromancer," directly referenced Gibson's work; coupled with her general internet in web and virtual reality culture and outspoken reputation (just yesterday she released the potent anti-gun anthem "Active Shooter"), we knew she was the ideal candidate to pick Gibson's brain about the past of the future.)

    I first encountered William Gibson when I picked up a copy of Mona Lisa Overdrive from the tour van floor. All the new-media nerds I knew were so effusive in their knowledge of him -- they talked about how he had predicted the Internet and coined the term "cyberspace," how he foresaw internet and reality TV -- that I figured his work would be clunky and dense, possibly even awkward and dorky. Instead, I found myself immediately immersed in smooth, inventive prose that gleamed and sped along like a metal alloy not yet invented.

    Starting with Neuromancer (1984) and moving through his latest book, last year's The Peripheral, Gibson managed to make sci-fi, a genre traditionally associated with mouth-breathers and soft boys, into something elegant and cool. His influence pops up across many years and mediums, from Japanese fashion to the X-Files to Sonic Youth. I had my own moment when a bad psychedelic experience had me temporarily convinced that there was an actual neuromancer inside of my brain. I made some work about it, and if he was weirded out by that, he was gentleman enough not to mention it.

    He remains modest about the prescience of his work, despite his track record. Here the prophet weighs in on cyberspace as a heritage term, income inequality, and explains how we're all just living in a suburb of the Internet.

    So I had read that in the '70s you had a bit of time where you made ends meet by being a "picker," which is basically going to thrift stores, finding things that were maybe marked below value, and then reselling them. 

    Yeah. That's true. Although the version that wound up on Wikipedia makes it sound like it was something I did that I would have had some identity doing. The fact is it was just what everybody I knew had been doing a little bit for years and years and years. Sort of like a side effect of a particular lifestyle where you don't have enough money to buy a new toaster, so you buy a used toaster and you see that, like, a used toaster from 1953 looks a lot cooler. And you get one of those and then you see that at a shop they're selling those for more money than you can get them for at Value Village. 

    At the time, it didn't feel to me like a way that I was making ends meet. But in fact I was making ends meet in all those different ways. In those ways that people do when they are people who want to be artists but don't quite know what they're doing.

    [Laughs] Yes. I understand that. I have been there.

    Over the preceding decade or so, the people I'd been friends with had sort of competed with one another to find the coolest shit at the Salvation Army. And in those days there was a lot more amazing stuff, because there was no Internet and no eBay to educate everyone as to what was worth something and what was a desirable collectible.

    I'm asking because you have so many amazing objects in your work. Like, just very detailed, very realistic, very beautiful things that maybe don't exist yet. And I'm wondering if that kind of experience of looking back to the past and figuring out what things were valuable and had retained their value helped you be able to extrapolate things that might exist in the future.

    Yeah, I'm sure it did. And I know for sure that when I first started in my very earliest attempts to write fiction, like, a paragraph was a stretch. The thing that I found that I could do almost immediately was to describe an inanimate object. Usually an imaginary object. And everything else -- to describe a character, to get a character on the page, was just like, amazingly difficult. Because I have no kind of native chops. 
    My very first short story was a progression of descriptions of objects. And it has this very weird structure that I was able to frame and make it seem as though it was about an imaginary pathology that's affording this character these memories. But really, it's all a trick. Because all I could do was describe these objects. But I figured out a framework that would allow a chain of these descriptions to have a kind of narrative form and, I hope, some emotional impact. But I was just doing the one thing that I already knew how to do, over and over. And then it was, like, several years before I could actually write anything else, because I had literally exhausted my capability with this one tiny, tiny short story.

    Wow. So this is fascinating to me because one of the things I love is that your women characters don't make me cringe, and they feel like real people. 

    Oh, thank you.

    I don't know if you have anything to say about that, but that's definitely something that is super important to me. And so to hear that it's almost an accident or something, or wasn't a lot of hard work...

    Well, I think that when I started I had been a native reader of science fiction. It was like my native urge, because I had discovered it when I was 12 or something. And I was like, totally into it and nothing else, really, until I was about 15 or 16 and life started happening on a different level. And I kind of put it away. It's like, "Okay, that's like a childish thing." 

    I didn't really reject it; I just lost track of it. And then when I was in my mid- to late-20's, and it was like, "I'm an artist of some kind, but I don't actually do anything. What is this? If I'm going to do things, I should do it really quickly. Otherwise, I'm just going to have to get a job." For some reason, and I'm still not clear why, I got the idea that science fiction might be possible.

    So I went and looked at what was happening, and I started flirting with trying to write science fiction. And I looked at the science fiction that was being written. And it was not the science fiction that I remember having been so totally entranced with in the '60s. And the stuff that I really came to love in the '60s, was like, very '60s science fiction. It was the hip science fiction of the '60s. And that was seriously kicking ass. I looked at it a decade later and it was like Nashville country, and I was remembering Western swing and bluegrass, which was weird, because I knew for sure that this was a completely viable, 20th-century pop form. I had taken for granted that it would become just much more kick-ass and wonderful than it had been when I really loved it. So I thought, this is great, because it's fallen on hard times and nobody's really done anything. It's like folk music and Dylan hasn't gone electric.


    Right. So you wanted to plug it in. What were some of those things that resonated with you at that time?

    Well, back then the corner newsstand still existed, and I had sort of been mournfully eyeing the little digest-sized subscription magazines with this sad kitsch artwork on the covers. And then I'd look over and there were these American editions of Heavy Metal, which are all translated French comics for the most part. And that looked wonderful. That looked really, really appealing. And that kind of science fiction was sort of happening elsewhere, on other platforms. 

    It seems like sometimes for a big change to come in art it almost has to go out of fashion and get so bad that it's really uncool. And you can kind of swoop in and make it new again.

    Yeah, I mean, I think that's true. That's sort of the eternal thing in pop, in various forms. And I always thought of science fiction as a kind of literary pop. And that had always been a big part of what I like about it.

    So at that time that whole scene was kind of coming together, and I'm imagining some sort of Gentleman Loser bar existing in my mind somewhere. Did it feel kind of like a hip scene? Or -- I mean, sci-fi has always had kind of a patina of nerdiness around it... 

    [Laughs] I don't know if it's just a patina!

    [Laughs] Okay, swarm, cloud. 

    I think it has a kind of infinitely deep core. 

    You get credited a lot with being prescient, and I hate to even bring it up, because if you Google your name, it comes up in every single interview. But you kind of disavow that. Is that, like, a legal thing? Or is that just Southern modesty?

    Well, it's true that I don't always get it right. There's a ton of evidence for that. But also, it isn't what I think that I do. What I think I do is not predict what's going to happen, but allow people momentarily to see how totally weird the present is. And I think that's what people actually get from my work. To look up and see how the world really is and go, agh! But then they'll duck back into where they live, which is where I live, too. It's like I'm trying to expose our unthinkable present.

    But the cultural assumption about what I do is that I'm predicting things. So I go through the motions. And sometimes I get it right. But really, often I don't get it right. But it's kind of cultural requirement that comes up in media about me, saying that I get it right. It's like this really ancient, ancient thing. It's like you go see that woman who lives in the woods, and she knows what's going to happen in 50 years; it's like every fairytale. It's this very, very ancient human thing, to want there to be people who can do that.


    But I know intimately that it's not what I do. Say there's a 12-year-old who's reading Neuromancer for the first time. If she's really smart, she gets 10 or 15 pages into it and she's thinking, "Okay, it's got to be about what happened to all the cellphones." I mean, that's what I would have done. Because that's weird! They don't have any cellphones. And what was for a while one of the coolest moments in the book hinges around the bank of payphones in an airport in 2030. And you can't even find a bank of payphones in an airport in 2015!

    I think you're a little hard on yourself about the cellphones. You've got a lot of other things that are pretty cool and pretty forward-thinking. 

    When I started doing this, I took it for granted that you couldn't predict this stuff, or that you wanted to predict this stuff. When you wrote it, it was like buying an ice cream cone. It starts melting right there. It melts. And it just keeps on melting. Because for me, a lot of the active pleasure of reading old science fiction had always been how amusingly and interestingly they got it wrong.

    Sometimes you get it right. Without really thinking about it very much, I predicted what reality television would feel like. The culture of reality television feels like before it really existed. And the only thing that I had to work from was one show called Cops


    I think it's easier and somehow more reliably done with cultural predictions than with technology and gizmos and things.

    As far as reality TV or Internet stars, do you see a future for that? Or are we pretty much at the peak right here?

    It seems very dodgy to say that anything has peaked or is over. That's kind of my experience from life and reading history: that things come back. There seems to be a kind of law of return. And with Internet stars, the concept of an Internet star implies someone who is only a star on the Internet. But that in turn implies that the Internet has boundaries.

    And I don't think the Internet actually has boundaries like that anymore. It's like, who is a celebrity today who doesn't have a really massive Internet presence? It doesn't really happen. Even if they're not working it, somebody will have it for them. So the idea of people who have never had any kind of media platform other than the Internet I think will continue, but it will probably just blur into the rest of media. Like, there'll be a first Internet star who gets a talk show or has a hit feature film, and then the distinction will be increasingly lost. I think the distinction is increasingly lost between just being alive and being on the Internet.

    Okay, you have to explain a little more of that. 

    Well, when I was writing Neuromancer, there wasn't quite really that much of an Internet. There wasn't a World Wide Web. And I was trying to imagine what something like that might be like. But I can only imagine it as another place. A different realm that we access through this computer that's non-physical, but it's real. Stuff happens. 

    And I was like, okay, we'll call it cyberspace. So I started working with that. And it wasn't just my assumption after a while. Everybody started talking about cyberspace. We assumed that it was this other place. That it was its own realm. You had to go through some sort of black hole of the computer in order to get to this distinct other place. And we depicted it in movies and artwork and fiction. But what actually happened was that it turned itself inside out. And sort of, we became -- everything else became -- a sort of suburb of it. 


    Cyberspace is such a heritage term now. Or I think it should be. Because it can't mean what it originally meant. 

    No, no. I think that's great. At one point it had boundaries and now it doesn't really have boundaries. 

    It's like you, in your art, where are you operating? In the real world or in cyberspace? And like, the distinction, applied to the work you do, doesn't really make any sense anymore. It's a very old-fashioned distinction. And it dates from a kind of pre-YouTube -- well, literally from a pre-YouTube universe. And it's from a pre-web universe. I mean, people can get drunk, say something on Twitter, get on a plane, get off the plane, and then find that their career has been destroyed. It didn't just happen in cyberspace.

    Do you see a similar thing happening with stuff like VR headsets or Google Glass or any of that?

    Well, that stuff is very strange for me. Because when VR was in its sort of weird, abortive, first generation back in the late '80s and early '90s, I wound up being invited to most of those conferences for a lot of that. The people who were doing that, all of them secretly -- more or less secretly -- hoped that they would turn out to be the person who had just invented television. A lot of them really did. Then the whole thing just didn't happen. And I'm still not sure if they've done it.

    Right. I think everyone's a little bit on the fence. Like, they saw it fail once and they're kind of like, "Well, we'll see..." 

    Well, that comes back to one of my oldest chestnuts about the street finding its own uses for things.

    Yeah, the technology is usually not being advanced on the street. It's in the halls of Silicon Valley, which is kind of obliterating the street in many ways.

    We don't really know what it will do. The people who ran the factory for payphones, they probably didn't look at a pager as something that could put them out of business. But because pagers changed the geography of a drug dealing so completely, cellphone companies started removing payphones. And nobody predicted that. It makes total sense after the fact. And a lot of technology-driven social change works at that level.  

    One of the things that has really struck me, especially now that this has been on people's minds, is that in your books income inequality is such a huge theme. You're either in the super rich world or you're in, like, this totally poor world with no middle class. Is that something you really think is a future concern?

    I had a list of things when I started writing science fiction that it bugged me that science fiction didn't do. And one of them was that it tended not to depict income inequality. It tended to pretend that capitalism didn't exist. Like in Star Trek, where if you try to figure out what's going on back on unfederated Earth, or wherever it is that the guys are from, it seems like it's a perfectly evolved Marxist society.

    They don't seem to have salaries or anything. There doesn't seem to be any money. There don't seem to be any products. Everything is just provided by the state. It's a very funny thing when you look at it that way. Like someone said, the trouble with modern fantasy novels is that the people never have to pay for their beer. 

    And in science fiction, particularly in American science fiction, it's just this kind of white, middle-class world. And that was all there was. If there was anything else, it was scary. And it was never from the point of view of the scary "other" people, who might be poor or not white or something. I've always consciously tried to depict a range. 

    In your latest book, The Peripheral, a character from the future describes how the world ends, which is kind of a combination of things. It's a passage I find really, really beautiful -- is that how you think we're going to go out?

    Culturally, all of our imagined apocalypses have had a single cause. It's nuclear war or it's a plague. I thought that it was incredibly interesting. Because it isn't how very much of the universe ever works. And the way we've always framed it is that it happens really quickly.

    But if it happens really, really slowly, and it's multi-causal, we might already be in it. A lot of that is about changing where the window is when you look at the idea of apocalypse. And if you dial it way back, so we get the largest possible perspective, you can't even see the apocalypse. 

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    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 2.56.08 PM.png
    Andrea Kats (@PastaVersaucy on Twitter) is your typical young adult, except she's the one who came up with the popular "it me" meme. When I first wrote about the origins of the "it me" meme, I wasn't able to conclusively determine who started it and thus inadvertently neglected to mention Kats' contribution. But fear not! To remedy my unfortunate oversight, I interviewed the memestress herself. Read on to hear her thoughts on everything from how James Franco texting that underage girl in 2014 spawned the meme to becoming "The Goatfucker Pasta Queen."

    What was your original idea for "it me"? 

    Honestly, the idea was so much simpler than imagined. It's kind of funny, seeing as how you went to lengths to figure out where it came from. I just came up with "it me" the day after the "James Franco texting an underage girl" scandal broke. The joke originally came from me wanting to parody the generally hard-to-read conversation between the two in which the 17-year-old girl asked if she was truly speaking to James Franco, and his response was a cringeworthy selfie followed by "it's me." When I mocked up the text conversation and got to the "it's me" part, I decided to simplify it to "it me." Considering the intended awkwardness of the selfie, it felt like an incomplete gesture, which needed an equally incomplete caption to it. "It me" read as if a child wrote it -- it just felt right. But it feels strange to take credit for what would seem to be just an intentional grammatical error. 

    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 2.55.03 PM.png
    I think you're taking credit for the fact that you're funny, if anything. 

    I feel like a small town girl who got discovered in her coffee shop for breathing. It's weird how the Internet persona is just a single facet of my life, but brings me joy in the best ways. But in the beginning I hated seeing people use it. Prior to making that meme (which I'd say started out as me meme-ing James Franco) I only appreciated "weird Twitter" jokes, but wasn't great at making them. In a sense "it me, James Franco" was my baby -- it set me on the course of being "The Goatfucker Pasta Queen" (I've picked up some strange hobbies on the deep web). I started using the phrase "it me" as my identifier, and when other people were using it, essentially it felt like my nom de plume was being taken from me. This was also nearly two years ago, when I felt like obscure internet fame was truly an important feat and I invested way too much time into making jokes. Now obviously I have a different outlook on that. I think it's ridiculous that two simple words I strung together have traveled to all corners of the internet as a "meme." 

    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 2.55.23 PM.png
    How did you feel the first time you heard someone say "it me" online? 

    I felt a weird jealousy that was [as if] my favorite doll was being changed out of her clothes and made-up as something different. 

    Why do you think "it me" caught on? 

    Honestly I think people started using it because it sounded funny. That's really where the whole idea came from -- just a grammatical error that sounded funnier than its "correct" counterpart. The way that memes are usually by figuratively "murdering" the crap out of the joke via excessive posting. [Or at least] until people are forced to like it, usually out of hate for it, or lack of understanding, in some sense. I did that with "it me, James Franco" and started using "it me" as my signature...and once all of my friends unfollowed me for clogging their feeds, all that was left were some weird Twitter people who got in on the memes and the selfie-posting world that appropriated it as their own cute caption. 

    Would you say more women use it than men? 

    Yeah, I'd say women use it more. Something about "it me" has this childlike tone to it and a lot of the Internet nowadays is essentially teen girls idolizing "baby-like" behavior.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 2.56.02 PM.png

    How do you feel about not getting proper credit?

    I think part of what makes me hate "it me" is the ego [deflation of], "I won't ever really get credit for it." Which is so pointless considering the Internet is full of plagiarism.

    I'm surprised you're not mad at my article.

    I think it's amazing that you were trying to find out the origins of "it me." I've watched my baby become a star and I'm just the man behind the camera in that sense. 

    Is there anything else you'd like to add?

    I think a big part of "it me" is just [that it's used on Twitter by] a bunch of middle-class teenaged girls who love strawberry milk and American Apparel tennis skirts...also the guys who are like the "I'm going to be über-cute and put my finger in my mouth for this selfie." I guess "cyber-selfie Twitter" is the best way to define that.

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    Young rapper Kweku Collins has been having a pretty excellent 2015, even by the standards of the other up and coming artists from his part of the country, with blissed-out EP Say it Here, While it's Safe, released on Closed Sessions, the label known for its work with the cities' emerging artists like Chance the Rapper (the recent Chance-Lil B tape was recorded in their studio). Now, Collins is back with "Memorial," a contemplative track that should fit in well with the slipping away fall day.

    "I wrote "Memorial" as a way of making myself say things I'd only ever thought," Collins says, of a track he claims isn't a love song "in the classic sense." Still, it's very sweet, and makes good preparation for Collins' first New York performance this weekend at a Boiler Room set hosted by Closed Sessions, which will also feature Saba and Your Old Droog. Check out "Memorial" below.

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    So far this week, we've given girl gangs options for celebrity timeline group costumes with Kim Kardashian and Hillary Clinton. But dudes going out with their bros also need celebrities who have had a multiplicity of looks over the course of several years to ape as part of their Halloween costumes, each of which are equally distinctive. When you think about those criteria, does anyone come to mind other than Aubrey Drake Graham?

    The very fact of Drake's internet-friendliness -- the fact that he's a human meme, whose every public appearance seems to produce its own sequence of jokes -- makes him the perfect person to channel as part of your group outing, and your attempts to make sure that your hotline blings by the end of the night. Accordingly, we've collected some classic Drake looks and told you squad how to wear them.

    large.gifDegrassi Boner Drake
    A throwback to his pre-sad rap days on Degrassi, the infamous Sweatpants Boner Jimmy episode is probably the most gif-able and memorable moment from Drake's acting days. Even better? It's a super easy to pull off/is a nice excuse to just lay down the entire Halloween party. All you'll need is a pair of $15 gray Hanes sweats, an accompanying $5 red shirt and a firm, over-sized eggplant to stuff into said sweats... You know, just in case you don't already own a strap-on.

    drakesweater.JPGUgly Sweater Drake
    Ugly Sweater Drake For a minute, Drake became known for wearing fugly-ass C--- (we won't go there) Coogi-esque sweaters that looked like something your high school physics professor would wear. Against all odds, Drizzy pulled them off and inspired a ton of bearded, proto-lumbersexual imitators who just wanted to be comfy as hell. On Fright night, just head to your local Goodwill and pick the patterned monstrosity of your choice to throw over a pair of jeans. Pink rings, a cigar and stupid glasses (see above from the "Headlines" video) are also acceptable accessories to balance out the dad-ness. Actually, scratch that. To double down on the dad-ness.

    drake-hyfr-video.jpgBar Mitzvah Drake ("HYFR" Edition)

    Drake's "HYFR" video made us all want to go to an adult bar mitzvah where instead of awkwardly slow-dancing during "snowballs," we'd swill Patrón and Manischewitz. While we can't all be as #blessed as Drizzy and re-affirm our commitment to Judaism with a rager, we can, however, channel his look. This is exceedingly easy and only requires a rumpled white dress shirt (sweat stains a plus), black slacks and the aforementioned Patrón and Manischewitz. Bonus points for getting your squad to carry around a chair and lift you up every so often throughout the evening.

    02231138.jpgLint Roller Drake

    When you're a globe-trotting rap god, it's important to look your best at all times, and the thing that separates a 6 God from one of the lesser 6 deities is an all-consuming vigilance against lint, and a willingness to turn yourself into a human meme in the pursuit of success. Grab the most expensive black jeans and sneakers you can afford, a Toronto Raptors hoodie, a lint roller, a look on your face that makes it clear you know people will make fun of you for doing this but fuck it, you can't have lint on your black pants. Hypebeast achievement unlocked!

    drakeglasses.pngGlasses Drake
    Let's face it, sometimes putting in your contacts just fills you with woes. Drake knows this, and when he opted to go with his 'at home' gold-plated glasses that make him look like a very chic turtle (or Jerry Seinfeld) at a Raptors game, we knew we were all seeing the softer side of Aubrey. All you need is a white sweater and gold pipe cleaners or florist wire for the glasses. (Glasses tutorial here.) Form* Buff Drake

    Here's Drake's current form, for the member of your squad who's done the most working out in the past year. Be surprisingly buff, keep your hair cropped close to your head while your beard looks like it was drawn on with a sharpie, and then acquire a too-small gray T-shirt and pink shorts to complete the look. Strain madly with small weights and scribble on a praying hands tattoo, and you're good to go. Maybe call Serena Williams, if she's free.

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