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Bachelorette Recap 12: The Lesser of Two Evils

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the-bachelorette-finale-nick-viall-4.jpgHey, everyone! We did it. We've made it through the horrible premise on which this journey to find love was wrought (#tbt to Britt), umpteen instances of male entitlement, some run-of-the-mill slut-shaming and some very specific slut-shaming, a healthy dose of cyber-bullying, and what felt like 12 years of purgatory in Ireland. It was exhaustive, but shout-out to Kaitlyn Bristowe for being human, fallible and the most relatable Bachelorette I've seen yet. She's been through the ringer, and she deserves all the endorsement money she'll make off her Instagram for whatever protein-infused drink she chooses to pretend she consumes.

First, it's time to meet the parents! Kaitlyn's mom (who wore at least four different looks during her screen time, respect) and sister watched Nick on Andi's season, and are understandably reticent to hear he's one of the top two dudes. Kaitlyn conveys to her mom that she and Nick had sex in a brilliant way ("the cameras went off and it was like, whoops!") so Nick has the added pressure of knowing that Kaitlyn's mom is aware they have known one another as man and woman. She grills him pretty hard, saying "I'm very surprised to see you, a little shocked actually. I have to be honest with you. You were possessive, you were jealous... who are you? Are you surprised that you're here?" Nick has such a peculiar blend of overconfidence, sensitivity, and manipulation, because he point-blank tells momma Bristowe he's not surprised he's here, before breaking down in tears over his love. Obviously this works, because at the end of their conversation she's convinced, saying that if Nick proposed to Kaitlyn she would be very happy. Kaitlyn's dad Mike seems like his profession is Going with the Flow.



Next Shawn takes his shot, further illustrating that I don't understand who uses Snapchat for what, because upon seeing Kaitlyn get dumped by Chris Soules he took a screenshot of her sad face, drew a heart around it, and (texted? Snapped? I'm old) it to his bros with the caption "Don't worry Kaitlyn, I'm coming for you." Shawn, that is creepy.

Kaitlyn's mom gets down to business yet again, telling him "I'm concerned about jealousy. There's no love lost between you and Nick. How do you handle that feeling of jealousy in the outside world?" Shawn very much doesn't answer this question, saying he's been jealous but they also have a lot of trust and honesty. Uh-huh. Tell me about how aggressively sensitive you are over jumbo shrimp next time, buddy. However, Shawn makes the better impression, sitting both parents down and telling them he plans on proposing next week. This goes well: "We love our daughter and we want her to be happy. I say 1000% you have our support."



Time for the last dates! I'm going to fast-track these, because this episode was three hours long and nothing really happened. Also, it was the exact same date, was it not? Hang out on a boat, bring her back to your room, give her a weird gift? Anyway, Nick is up first.

"I got you sometning. It's in my bedroom," he compellingly tells her. Instead of running or dropping a pin to her family with a scared emoji Kaitlyn goes to his room, and is rewarded with framed photographs of the two of them accompanied by poems. Sample line: "There is electricity in your lips/When I kiss you I feel your energy." However, she loves it, because I'm pretty sure no matter how bad your poetry is, ladies will dig it. Pro tip, guys!

"I know that I am in love with Nick, but I love the way that Shawn makes me feel," Kaitlyn says, before confessing her extreme anxiety about her last date with him. Healthy! What in the world went down over their famed off-camera hang? Was it the best six hours in history? Of time? Because ever since that point they've basically fought and miscommunicated the entire season.

Short story? Shawn seems jealous and controlling, and I very much hope that most mostly situational and due to editing. I liked him initially but I wish she'd turned them both down. For his gift he threw a bunch of random shit in a mason jar, which is actually exactly the kind of gift I'd have cobbled together, so, ~shrug~. However, they reconnect about that fact that Kaitlyn actually made out with Joe, which is pretty funny. Southern boxtroll of my heart.  "Sitting here tonight looking into Kaitlyn's eyes sealed the deal for me. I'm going to ask her to be my wife," Shawn says, and for Kaitlyn's part she's "in love with two guys and two guys are in love with me. No matter what I'm going to hurt somebody."



Looks like that somebody is Nick yet again, because he's first out of the limo and we all know  what that means. Watching him get dumped like that was rough sauce. I don't know why she'd let him go through 80% of his proposal wind-up before stopping him just as he takes out a ring. "I did need every single second that we've had together. The only single explanation i have...my heart is just with somebody else," she says, before doing the worst thing you can do when you break up with somebody: Make them talk to you about how you feel about what just happened. Just let the man go, woman. "If you were in love with me we would be having a different conversation...What I felt for you was greater than a moment, he says. "It's not fair for you to tell me that we feel the same things because we don't," he continues, and I agree. The only good thing that happens out of this exchange is Nick throwing that horrible claddagh ring off in the limo.



Over to you, poor man's Ryan Gosling. Their proposal was sweet; I'm ultimately kind of soft so it's always nice to see two people confessing their love, even if the actual engagement has a short shelf life. I mean: "Everytime I look into those blue eyes I can't hear myself think. Everytime I look at you I see a partner in crime and my best friend. I love you so much, Kaitlyn." Is that ridiculous after eight weeks? Sure! Do I like Shawn? Not really! Did that do it for me? Totally. Kaitlyn is just living her truth, and for her that means she "never wants [him] to question what we have ever again, because I am completely yours and I will always be faithful to you. I love you with all of my heart."
the-bachelorette-finale-nick-viall-4.jpgOh, did you think we were done? We are very not done, there's still an hour of this left. Kaitlyn and Shawn emerge, and he got a nose job, right? Either that or some Kardashian-level contouring is going on. He shows that aforementioned weird-o Snapchat again, and between him and Ian, I don't understand the fascination with her sadness. Anyway, they seem happy.

Nick comes out to some off-brand, sad sack Charlie Brown music, and his family is there? Why? They look like they're at a funeral. His mom is even dressed all in black. If you recall Nick has been in this position before, mumbling to Andi that he didn't understand why she made love with him if she wasn't in love with him. So basically: Just don't do that again and you'll be fine. And you know what? He doesn't. Overall, I would say he handled himself well.

They discuss his communication with Kaitlyn beforehand, and I maintain (based on nothing but my "women's intuition") that they slept together before coming on the show. Just a feeling. When asked by Harrison why Shawn hated him so much (fun question!) he takes the high road. "Obviously I had my frustrations with Shawn get the best of me. At the end of the day I ended up being not much better, and we let our insecurities come out. I give Kaitlyn a lot of credit because she didn't let that get in the way of making her decision."

Of course, they bring out Shawn, because who can resist two men exchanging snippy asides? Shawn really cannot handle this. I think Nick is just straight-up trolling him, which I like (oh God, do I like Nick?) crossing his leg over his knee in a way that really makes me wish they would just press their feet together to see who's bigger. That's got to make them some type of Eskimo cousins, right? Shawn just had a "bad feeling" about Nick (chalk that up his guy intuition), and you know what? I like his nose job. Good work! 

Next Kaitlyn and Nick sit down to speak, and due to her body language and the repeated grimaces on her face, something happened here. She's pissed at him. I can speculate as to what (he gossiped about her to former cast members, she knows she can't show any kind of affection or consideration to him given Shawn's jealousy, Chris Harrison keeps farting) but something is up. "At the end of the day, no love that I had was stronger than the love I had for Shawn," she says, and he presses her: "Did you think that taking out a ring and going through the proposal speech was the best way to end it?""No, I don't" she responds. Can that please be that?

What's next for Kaitlyn and Shawn? Some semblance of normalcy, hopefully. "The best thing that can happen is that I can stand up for my girl and defend her now. This girl is the strongest woman I've met in my entire life," Shawn says. Who knows? Maybe these two crazy kids will make it. It's been a pleasure taking this amazing journey with you all. Until next time!



The Converse Chuck II: The Same But New

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Converse_Paper_9679-20150723132412616-original.jpegIn third grade, three friends and I started our own gang: the Converse Cousins. We were the only ones at our school who hadn't gone in for the just-launched Air Jordans and their countless imitations. The fact that we stuck with our thin, thrifty Chucks assured us that we were different, cool, somewhere between the jocks and the drama kids. So did the fact that we could change colors whenever it was time for a new pair and scrawl the names of our favorite bands on the white toe caps. The Converse Cousins walked the grounds of Westlake Elementary proudly (albeit without much in the way of arch support), knowing we followed in the footsteps of unfuckwithable stars from Larry Bird to Ice Cube to the Ramones.

As I write, I'm wearing a pair of putty-gray high-tops; a glance around the PAPER office reveals a dozen other iterations, high and low, black and pink, Taylor and Purcell. Clearly, the Converse Cousins had other chapters around the world. As the years went by, we all stuck with the design we knew and loved but started fitting them out with insoles -- perhaps one of the most common signs that a certain breed of cool-kid was finally growing up.

Converse_Paper_9679-20150723132658462-original.jpegAnd now, along comes a development both simple and profound: after almost a century of not fixing what was never broke, Converse introduces the Chuck Taylor All Star II, a model that mostly looks the same on the outside (the biggest giveaways are the premium canvas, the subtly retooled eyelets and the patch, now stitched on instead of painted) but that boasts a handful of minutely conceived internal tweaks that give each pair the feel of a Nike. A cushy Lunarlon footbed, a padded, no-slip tongue and a breathable microsuede lining are just a few of the innovations design director Damion Silver and his team obsessed over. Their goal: to raise feel and style to the same timeless level; to make cool-kids of all ages a little surer on their feet.

"The All-Star has become one of the world's most legendary sneakers, with fans, artists and musicians adopting the sneaker as a badge of creativity and self-expression," Silver explains. He sums up the Chuck II with a simplicity that matches the shoe itself: "They help you do more of what you do."

Converse_Paper_9679-20150723131826580-original.jpeg

UPDATED: Listen to Angel Haze's Thunderous New Track, "Impossible"

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After spending the past year more or less quiet, which included a public break-up with girlfriend Ireland Baldwin, Angel Haze is back with the booming new track "Impossible." With huge, anthemic hooks and Haze's signature relentless flow, the track includes a scathing indictment of  America's current nightmare that is race relations. " ("I got my middle finger up to white America for trying to whitewash my blackness.") The track is part of an upcoming project due later this year. Good to have you back, Ms. Haze.

Update: Now Angel Haze has announced the title of her new album (along with what's presumably the cover art), along with its theme. We can't wait for Back to the Woods.

That Cara Delevingne Interview Is "Awkward" Because The Interviewers Are Assholes

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So everyone's abuzz about that "awkward"Cara Delevingne interview with Good Day Sacramento on upcoming movie Paper Towns. After watching this clip a few times all we can say is, sorry you had to deal with such assholes, Cara. After all, the anchors seem to operate on the assumption that she's a kindergartener with melted M&Ms for brains and Cara obviously isn't having it, as she visibly shuts down after the second dumbass question about "her focusing abilities" -- and it's not pretty.

Sure she gets snippy, but it's also because they end up badgering her with some really dumb, condescending questions that scream, "Oh, but do you take acting seriously? Let's make sure, because you're mostly just a model, right?" And even better, they have the gall to ask her about her not being properly "on" for this interview and then go on to scold her for not being more excited to be there, openly asking "you seem tired" -- or subtext: why aren't you performing happily for us? 

It makes me think of every time some dude tells me to smile on the street -- Cara doesn't owe you anything especially a happy smile/substantial answers if you're going to patronize her the entire time with dumb shit like "did you manage to read the book your entire movie was based on?" Not to mention the fucking cat noises they put over her still after she logged off. A+ professionals, right there.

On that note, I need to go get a Red Bull and take a little nap, because I'm done with this shit. You can watch the journalistic trainwreck below.


[h/tUproxx]

Paul Weller On His New Record, Getting Inspiration from Happiness and Writing the Perfect Song

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Screen Shot 2015-07-29 at 4.22.10 PM.png
[Photo by Julian Broad]

Ahead of the release of Saturn's Pattern, Paul Weller told The Guardian that his twelfth solo record contained a perfect song. The third track, "Going My Way," the former Jam and Style Council frontman told the paper, was only the third perfect song he'd written in his 40 year recording career.

(The others, for those curious about such things, were 1979's "Strange Town" and "Wings of Speed," the final track off his 1995 solo masterpiece, Stanley Road.)

It's a compelling statement from the leader of two of the UK's most beloved bands of the past half-century, who has, arguably, only gotten better with age. It's also a bit of a lie -- or at the very least a stretch for a musician who doesn't mind taking the piss out of the occasional reporter.

The musician stands by the infallibility of "Going My Way," but by the time we sit down to speak at a hotel in midtown Manhattan ahead of his show at Terminal 5, the number of perfect pop masterpieces penned by Weller has ballooned to somewhere around ten. Even still, from the man who gave the world "That's Entertainment" and "Sunflower" and "A Town Called Malice" and "My Ever Changing Moods," that number seems a few dozen shy of accurate.

In an interview about the new record, you mentioned that you had written three perfect songs over the course of your career, and the third is on the new record.

Yeah, "Going My Way."

First of all, congratulations on writing a third perfect song.

Thank you.

The good news is that you didn't write all three in 1975. You've really managed to space them out.

Yeah, that would be depressing. I think probably all my life, I've always thought my best song is around the corner, regardless of what I've done and how old I am. A lot of writers have probably said the same thing, that it's still out there.

It's a nice way to look at things.

I think it carries you on a bit, yeah.

At what point did it become clear that this was one of the three.

When there's nothing you would change about it. There's no "I could have done this better." It's all there. It's rare. Sometimes you'll start off recording a track and you'll surpass what you thought you'd get. It goes way beyond what you thought it could have. "Going My Way" was one of those ones -- it sounded good, and all of the sudden it just went somewhere else. And that's pretty rare, to hear a song back and think about what you would change. But I wouldn't change a fucking thing. It's exactly right as it is.

Are you a perfectionist? You put out a new record every few years. It doesn't seem like you're sitting on a lot of music.

No. But don't forget, I come from a time when people used to put out a new record every year. People don't really do that anymore. You can't really do that anymore -- it's really difficult to do that. But when I started out, it was an album every year and probably three or four singles that weren't necessarily on the album. So now the records seem to have quite a lot of space in-between -- two or three years of course is nothing, but for me it seems like quite a lot of time. I find it strange that a lot of new bands make an album every four years or something. When do you have time to perfect your craft or work on the songs if you're only making it every four fucking years.

You've slowed a bit on the touring -- that gives you a little more time to be reflective, work on the writing. Early on, you put out a record and spend a year or two touring on it.

Yeah. I couldn't do that. I get bored if nothing else. Going out and touring on the same record for two or three or four years would drive me crazy. Now we're playing all of the new stuff in the set, which is incredible, but this time next year I won't want to be doing that. I'll be on to something else.

You have no sense of nostalgia at all.

I'm just not a nostalgic person.

You're not nostalgic for your own work, but you have your favorite records.

Of course, yeah. But I'm not particularly nostalgic for whatever it may be. When I think back to nice times, I have memories and they're beautiful things, but they're fleeting. I don't get hung up on them. I'm not that kind of person. I don't think my best years are behind me. These are my best years now. And maybe next year might be shit or it might be fantastic. But for right now, I like it. I wouldn't want to go back to the '80s and '70s. I quite like modern world as it is. I mean, I liked the fact that I didn't have grey hair or wrinkles.

Do you ever miss the struggle of being a new artist?

I don't get nostalgic for it, no. I look back on it in a happy way, but I don't want to go back. If I do look back, my favorite time was when I was with The Jam as a kid and we were just starting to break. We were just starting to make it in London, getting a following together. Getting the band together -- just on the cusp of starting to make it. That was more exciting than when we actually got it. But I prefer everything about today. The person I am. I've got a great appreciation of everything. I was too ignorant or arrogant to really appreciate what was going on [at the time].

You've got a family, you've got kids, you're content. Is it harder to find inspiration?

There's always something to write about. I'm not one of those people who think that an artist's best work comes when they're in the depths of despair. Great things have come out of that, as we know, but it's not foolproof. Great things have come out of contentment and happiness, as well. I'm sure those things in my personal life have a bearing on what I do, but when I think about my own music, I think beyond personal feelings. I'm looking at something else. I'm looking to find something else.

When you look back at certain records, is there a clear, tangible connection between the music and where you were at that point in your life?

There is sometimes, yeah. Not always, but sometimes. There are a few songs I've done that have been autobiographical, but then I get bored and have to take it somewhere else. Broaden it out a bit.

You actually get bored with the song during the writing process?

Yeah, sometimes. There are so many songs that are about someone's feelings. How depressed they are. And it just fucking drives me nuts. It bores the shit out of me. I'm not really interested. I've got my own shit to deal with. My writing's not always a reflection of where I am.

You don't look at it as catharsis?

Sometimes, yeah. Each song is different. But I don't lead an interesting enough life to write about myself all of the time.

Saturns Pattern is out now

10 Trends I Was Ahead of the Curve On

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michae mustotrends_curve.jpg[Photo of Michael Musto by Carly Erickson/BFA.com]

It's not easy being a trendsetting icon who's launched phenomena around the globe with my visionary actions, but I'll manage. Here are 10 trends that I was way ahead on. See if you can measure up.

LIVING IN BROOKLYN

Way before this borough became impossible trendy, I grew up there, went to its schools, enjoyed its restaurants, and saw its movies. It formed me. And then I left -- and again, I was ahead of the curve, seeing how people are fleeing the place now because it's become too expensive!

STAYING IN NYC AFTER 9/11
After that horror happened, some wusses escaped our great city, abandoning us in time of need while catering to their own nervous nelly paranoia. (As if bad things couldn't happen somewhere else.) But I stayed, more dedicated to this town than ever. And that became the cool thing to do.

OWNING REAL ESTATE

It's the smart way to go, as I had long been told by insiders. Your property grows in value and your maintenance doesn't always go up that much every year. I was actually a bit late in doing this, but let's keep that amongst ourselves.

BEING OPENLY GAY
Some people come out in their seventies, but I came out in the '70s. I simply stated the truth about myself -- over and over -- and dealt with whatever good and bad came along with that. It was mostly good, but still, kindly keep the awards coming.

RIDING A BIKE

Way before it was trendy thanks to Citi Bikes, I rode my little contraption around, loving the convenience, exercise, and fun of it all. Everyone thought I was nuts, but now I can barely get a spot in the bike lane.

CUTTING MY OWN HAIR

Friends used to think my habit of trimming my locks (to save money and also to get the cut I want, when I want) was certifiably cuckoo. But when the economy crashed, more of them started doing it, and they decided it was a pretty viable habit to keep up. That's probably why you see a lot of asymmetrical 'dos on the street. They may have been unintentional, but they look perfectly fine -- though all that hair in the sink has to go.

BEING SINGLE
They used to throw rocks at you in the town square if you didn't have a loved one, but I stuck to my guns, loving no one but yours truly. And eventually people came around to not only accepting that, but finding it rather desirable. Especially in the age of gay marriage, being single requires guts and character, don't you think?

USING A FLIP PHONE
People laugh at my old flip and scoff at all the things it can't do. But then word got out that certain celebs thought flips were fab, and lots of politicians depend on it instead of an iPhone. And suddenly I had the hot technology in my hands!

WATCHING OLD MOVIES
There are no fewer than five channels on my dial devoted to the glories of old cinema gems, but I was way ahead of that craze with my long-running movie club, whereby my friends and me gather to giggle over kitsch classics. Nostalgia is what it used to be -- at my place.

WEARING SURGICAL SHOES
Open-toed medical footwear is cheap and comfortable, and it works for me, for various reasons. This trend is so ahead of the curve that it hasn't even caught on yet, actually. But mark my words, it will, it will. I know it all, people! How much more proof do you need?

Watch a Couple Take a Beautiful Vacation, Get FOMO In Thomas Jack's New Video, "Rivers"

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It doesn't get much better than to be 22-years-old, have an incredible head of hair and -- oh yeah -- be an internationally-touring DJ. Aussie producer Thomas Jack is living just that life, as one of the buzziest new editions to the electro scene. He's also credited with discovering festival favorite Kygo and is mentored by legendary DJ Pete Tong. Not bad company, right?

We're excited to be premiering the video for "Rivers," Jack's first original mix in over a year, out now via Tong's FFRR Records, featuring vocals by Jack McManus and Tim Woodcock and co-produced by German producer JUNKX. The softly-lit video features a good-looking couple being good-looking while on an island vacation -- the perfect accompaniment to Jack's signature 'Tropical House' beats. There's Vespa riding, cliff-jumping, sightseeing -- all the requisite holiday stuff you wish you were doing instead of sitting at your office computer. But there's trouble in paradise as all of a sudden the idyllic vacation gets a little rocky. "I wanted the video to show how there are many sides to a person and they can change at any moment," Jack tells us about the concept for the clip. The song tries to capture "a hopeful/happy vibe," he says, but "it's also this intricate message about relationships between different people in different places in their lives and how they can intertwine and work out...or not!"

We won't spoil the ending of this particular story but we will say that these genetically blessed two are probably gonna be alright with whatever happens in the end. Give it a watch above.

Bikini Kill Is Re-Issuing Their 1991 Demo Tape, Including 3 New Songs

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tumblr_nao8njPCfd1qbvkmso1_1280.jpgBikini Kill in Paper, 1992.

Riot grrrl news you can use alert! Seminal feminist punk band Bikini Kill's first demo tape, Revolution Girl Style Now, will be re-issued by Bikini Kill Records on September 22. Originally released via cassette in May 1991, it includes three unreleased tracks, "Ocean Song,""Just Once" and "Playground." 

The collection of work will be re-released on CD, vinyl and digitally as well as a limited-edition replica cassette version only available via mail.

The songs were mixed by Fugazi's Guy Picciotto and mastered by John Golden for this reissue.

Pre-orders are available now on BikiniKill.com.  The first 300 LP pre-orders come with a limited-edition poster and the first 300 CD pre-orders come with a button and sticker.

Screen Shot 2015-07-30 at 1.47.56 PM.pngThe full track list for Revolution Girl Style Now, which includes songs from their self-titled EP and their Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah album, is below:

Candy
Daddy's L'il Girl
Feels Blind
Suck My Left One
Carnival
This Is Not A Test
Double Dare Ya
Liar
Ocean Song
Just Once
Playground


Watch a trailer for the demo below, which includes footage from Bikini Kill's first-ever show.
 


Chilling With Berlin Model/Partyboy, Candy Ken

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Candy Ken, the muscle-bound, Hello Kitty-obsessed alt-rapper from Berlin we profiled earlier this year, was in New York recently to host some Pride-related events for Diesel (he’s been working with the brand since Nicola Formichetti discovered him on Instagram back in January). Fascinated by his look, we asked if he’d let us hang out at his hotel for an afternoon to shoot a behind-the-scenes glimpse of how Candy Ken rolls.


So you’re in NY for two weeks?

Yes, for Diesel -- events, photoshoots, meetings with amazing people. We shot with Terry [Richardson] for a magazine called Man About Town and his blog. It was really fun.



How would you describe your look?

Candylicious



Who are your style icons?

ATL Twins, Marilyn Manson, Die Antwoord, 2 Chainz



What was your style like before Candy Ken existed? How did you dress in high school?

Like a basic bitch.



Do you wax? Any special grooming routines or male beauty secrets?

Sugaring - I'm all bout dat - call me "sugar daddy".




What has working with Nicola been like?

The best -- he is a creative genius and became a really good friend of mine -- he truly understands Candy Ken.



What's next for Candy Ken?

Tokyo -- doing two live shows there. Asian take ova

Things You Should Buy From the Mad Men Auction

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mad-men-glasses11.jpgCan you believe it's only been two months since Mad Men ended? Sometimes, it feels like the heady days of May, when we were wondering what was up with that waitress, were just yesterday. Far more often, it feels like they were a lifetime ago, caught in a distant haze like those early episodes of the show where everyone was smoking a lot to prove a point about how weird it was that mass public smoking used to be a thing.

Thankfully, you can relive those wonderful times by buying one of the props from the set through an official ScreenBid auction. The collection, which goes on sale tomorrow afternoon, includes mostly clothing from the final season -- which means it's all relatively moddish and '70s, but there's still a vast array of choices for the obsessed fan looking for a piece of the action (over 1,300 pieces!). Some of these are horrible (if you are thinking about buying a fedora, heaven have mercy on your soul), but others are actually pretty great, and would make a good addition to any collectible-heavy wardrobe. Here are our picks for the best of the best.


31239_0.jpgDon's Denim Jacket
This item from the series finale is so unassuming, unofficial Mad Men fashion writers Tom & Lorenzo spend a decent chunk of their finale writeup discussing how weird it is that Don is wearing denim, and how modern it is (along with everything else he wears during "Person to Person"). If you're planning on actually wearing your Mad Men swag for some reason and don't want to stick out like a sore thumb (or mowed foot), this might be the right call.

31590_0.jpgPete's Scarf
Fall is coming -- sorry, everyone, but it is. And if you want to be prepared, you want want to get a classy, understated scarf that fits into the high end of the Pete Campbell wardrobe. Look: Pete is the best character on the show, but I acknowledge that some of you harbor some slight distaste for King Campbell. Sorry, haters.


31495_0.jpgBert Cooper's Robe
Not only does this allow you to slip into the unbelievable comfort of Bertram Cooper, it's also the specific piece of clothing he's wearing when he watches the moon landing in "Waterloo," a.k.a. right before he dies -- so make of that what you will. (It's not his outfit during the stellar hallucinatory dance scene at the end of the episode, but the robe still sounds kinda awesome to me.)

27181_0.jpgBetty's Sunglasses
There isn't much in the way of women's clothing here (maybe it's all been sold already?), but this is a pretty fantastic summer accessory. Use these sunglasses when you're out at the beach, staring with condescension at the mortals who dare share your space, to give you the unfeeling cool and secret emotional center of Betty Draper, the original Trap Queen.


29036_0.jpgSally's Pool Bag
Complete your Draper women accessorizing with Sally's pool bag, which would like delightfully out-of-place at the beach. Are you the coolest, most disaffected, secretly saddest and also prematurely wisest girl in your class? Get with the Sally Draper program (but be warned: the program includes Glen Bishop).

harry outfit.jpgHarry's Blood-Spattered Outfit
Ah, finally a real episode-specific classic. This is relatively unassuming clothing (which, if you think about the monstrosities Harry Crane started wearing as the series went on, is maybe a good thing), but this outfit has the distinction of appearing in the infamous scene where that dude gets his foot run over by a lawnmower -- one of the rare moments of bizarre, surprise violence that would have characterized a different version of the show. You might think this is the most ridiculously awesome piece of Mad Men clothing, but...

31124_0.jpgStan's Leather Peacoat
OOOOOOOOH YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

This Creepy Computer Will Sing Distorted 90s Ballads To You

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In case you've ever wanted to hear a machine serenade you with distorted Celine Dion, know it's officially an option now, as artist Martin Backes has created a new installation that does exactly that with his "What do machines sing of?" project. 

Yep, that's right. Backes has concocted a pretty eerie AI experience by having his creation endlessly sing "emotionally loaded" number-one ballads from the 1990s in an attempt "to apply the appropriate human sentiments." As he says, "This behavior of the device seems to reflect a desire, on the part of the machine, to become sophisticated enough to have its very own personality" -- which kind of feels like an Asimov story gone awry. Or an X-File, idk.


[h/tJezebel]

D.A.R.E. Posted A Weed Legalization Op-Ed...And Then Took It Down

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Middle school fear-mongerers D.A.R.E. apparently posted an op-ed earlier this week that called for marijuana legalization...and then, surprise, took it down.

On Monday, former deputy sheriff Carlis McDerment wrote an article for the D.A.R.E. website, which rationally pointed out that "it's impossible for law enforcement to control the sale of marijuana to minors." Not to mention the fact that drug dealers typically don't care about a customer's age. 

"I support legalization precisely because I want to reduce youths' drug use," he continues. "'The answer isn't prohibition and incarceration; the answer is regulation and education." Which seems pretty reasonable. After all, it's probably better to regulate it out in the open rather than rely on the shady dudes that hang out on elementary school playgrounds after dark, right?

Well the editors of D.A.R.E. decided it wasn't, as they have taken the post down for now. Guess we're awaiting a response now. Stay tuned, kids.

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[h/t NY Mag]

Watch the Trailer for a Fascinating Documentary About a Homeless Fashion Photographer

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Mark Reay is a 50-something fashion photographer, actor, model and the epitome of a silver fox.

He's also homeless.

Reay is the subject of a new documentary, Homme Less, that tells his unique story of shooting for Dazed & Confused and modeling in fashion commercials by day and sleeping under a tarp atop the roof of a friend's East Village apartment building by night. Directed by Thomas Wirthensohn, Homme Less aims to explore questions like "how far are we from losing everything, even our homes, and with it a part of our dignity and humanity? How often do we have to pretend that everything is in fine order to keep up the facade of being a well-off member of society? And how far are we prepared to go to take the financial pressure off our shoulders to live a more carefree live, the live that we want to live?"

The trailer shows Reay going about his day "keeping up the facade" and portrays a side to homelessness not often seen, one that involves an individual not plagued by substance abuse problems or mental illness but instead a series of unfortunate choices and events in a city that has very little room for those kinds of errors.

The documentary opens at NYC's IFC Center on August 7th and you can read more about Reay's life in a recent interview he gave to the New York Post.

Kanye Loves Ellen DeGeneres' New Line of Linen Kale Coasters

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photo by John Salangsang/BFA

Ellen has officially gone into e-commerce with the opening of her clothing/lifestyle site, ED By Ellen Degeneres -- which I'm 90% sure is a front for J. Crew, because yaaaas, late capitalism!

Featuring an classic prep-chic line of comfy knits, seersucker jackets and laid-back tees, it's pure Ellen Aesthetic™ to the core. You can also deck out your home in accompanying Pottery Barn-perfect linens and serveware that a "charger cat" painted on it. And to add to the easy-breezy L.A.-ness of it, there ere are even linen coasters with hand-painted kale leaves on them.

Best of all, it looks like Ellen's good friend Kanye West is down.

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[h/tWWD]

Scenes From Full Moon Fest

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This Saturday, over 5000 people descended on Brooklyn Mirage, a massive new venue in Bushwick for the 5th Annual Full Moon Fest, an electro dance party produced by Matte Projects. With three stages spread out over a palm tree-laden oasis in industrial Brooklyn, the fest was headlined by Yelle and also included sets by Tensnake, The Deep, Rufus du Sol, and more. Things got started at 3pm and didn't shut down until sunrise. Luckily our photographer, Luis Nieto Dickens, was on hand to capture all of the insanity. Check out his photos, below.


Yelle


Penn Badgley and his band Mothxr


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Yelle


Yelle










RIP "Trap Queen," Long Live Fetty Wap

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fetty-wap.pngIf the phrase "song of the summer" ever meant anything before it was stripped of all context, it was this -- an unshakeable earworm that somehow managed to infiltrate car stereos, barbecues, and parties for the hot months, the song you associate with that summer ten, 15 years down the road. In 2015, "Trap Queen" is, undoubtedly, that song. Over a year after its original release in April 2014, it's what you hear blasting out of everyone's cars, what people put on after taking the aux cord from their Uber drivers, what will play back in people's heads when they think about their summer flings. "Trap Queen" ruled the summer.



It's not hard to see why -- it's an upbeat, soaring, track about blending your romantic life with your work life (isn't that the dream?), sonically accessible but not cringe-worthy, capable of inspiring long works of praise. But now, with another month of summer left, "Trap Queen" has died, a victim of its own catchiness, fun, and our cultural tendency to take beautiful things and run them into the ground. We hit peak "Trap Queen" a while ago -- something that was once exciting and fun has been shriveled.

It's not that being mainstream implicitly makes something bad -- some of the uses of "Trap Queen" are still endearing and funny, and speak to how powerful the song is. The Kansas City Royals are obsessed with "Trap Queen," to the point where they have decided to forcibly work "1738" into all of their interviews, ruining the press' ability to get good quotes out of them. This is hilarious, because the Royals love Fetty Wap and are using "Trap Queen" as part of a joke that's just for them.  

But by the time something is acceptable on, say, The Today Show's parents vertical, it's on its last legs, drained for all its initial cultural excitement until everyone is just tired. (Imagine the hurdles it would have to get through for "Trap Queen" to actually be played on the show!) Like any cultural product, everyone just gets tired after a while. And lo and behold, this video, in which Doug Funnie from Doug sings "Trap Queen," is the last straw. Finally, after many months, the meme of "Trap Queen" and its various connotations replace "Trap Queen," the very enjoyable piece of music.



The important thing here is not the mere presence of Doug Funnie -- he is great, and the show is great -- it's that the whole joke is Doug Funnie is ostensibly singing "Trap Queen," putting two things next to each other and assuming that will create humor. If "Trap Queen" is at the same place in pop culture as a decades-old cartoon, we have a problem.

Something like simply putting Doug and "Trap Queen" next to each with no added value drains the resource of our collective love of the song much faster, and with less care paid to the original object of mass affection. So while it's not like we haven't participated in this (comparing Betty Draper to Fetty Wap, considering illuminati conspiracies about Kate Hudson and her son dancing to "Trap Queen"), at least we're doing our best to not deplete this precious resource.

The best we can hope for now is that Fetty Wap will ride his massive, not-just-"Trap Queen" success on the pop charts to a long, healthy career, and we can all just leave this embarrassing few months behind us. Maybe in a few years, we'll be able to wholeheartedly, earnestly enjoy "Trap Queen" again without having to think about what we did. Just let "Trap Queen" be for a while.

Sigh: Future Tries to Subtweet His Way into Ciara's New Relationship

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Future, you know I loooove Dirty Sprite 2, but you're making this whole art versus the artist thing really difficult for me -- especially since you've been acting like a real brat.

For those of you not glued to your screens, over the weekend, Future took to Twitter (of all forums) to kick up a stink about Ciara taking their son, Future Jr., to see beau Russell Wilson at Seahawks Practice.

And while the Internet, as expected, went "Aww, look at 'em bonding, look at him being a nice dude to his girlfriend's son!," Future fumed and did what any mature adult would do -- not-so-subtly subtweet!


Best of all, he ended his Tweet tantrum with a lil album promo, which according to the Post is pretty much the whole reason he's doing this "Boo Ciara" bullshit.

All we can say is, just stop it, Future. After all, aren't you after all the one that cheated on Ciara (FUCKING CIARA)? Maybe it's time to take another 56-night time-out in England with your Gucci flip-flops -- and while you're at it, take your new bud, Charlemagne the God with you, seeing as how he just named Wilson his "Donkey of the Day" and basically said Ciara had zero agency in the situation and probably just wants a family..."as do most women." K.


[h/t NY Post]

Transparent is Coming Back This Winter, Here's Why It's the Best

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Today at the Television Critics' Association tour, Amazon announced that the second season of its series Transparent would become available December 4. That sounds like a long way away (and, in some respects, it is), but now it not only gives fans a day to look forward, it also lights a fire under anyone who has been meaning to get around to watching the first season. Transparent is one of the best shows around, so it really is a good investment of time. But if you haven't seen the first season yet, here are a few reasons why you should catch up:



The Family

Transparent is about the Pfefferman family, composed of matriarch Maura (Jeffrey Tambor), a trans woman in the process of discovering her new identity, Maura's ex-wife Shelly (Judith Light), and children Ali (Gaby Hoffmann), Josh (Jay Duplass) and Sarah (Amy Landecker). It would be reductive, in some sense, to say that the show is just about Maura's coming-out process -- it's about much more than that, including the family's neglectful history, the screwed-up lives of the children, and their attempts to recalibrate their relationship with Maura. It's a painful, often selfish series of emotional dynamics, but it's also honest and raw.



The Past

Where most other prestige television moves relentlessly forward -- using the past primarily as a space for ruminating on bad choices that turned good men into kinda bad men who do bad things -- Transparent presents its characters as the result of a history, and a long weight of accumulated choices. The ongoing flashback story about Maura's tentative friendship with Marcy (Bradley Whitford) blossoms into one of the best things about the show, and the eighth episode, which takes place entirely in the past, is maybe the highlight of season one.



The Music
Supervised by Soloway's husband, the music of Transparent has a pretty consistent sensibility -- Jim Croce, Bill Callahan, J.J. Cale -- that works to constantly evoke a distant, not-quite-real past. The show's soundtrack creates feelings of longing for a simpler time while everything else about the series reminds you that that simpler time never really existed.

transparent caftans.jpgThe Clothes
Throughout the show, fashion becomes a way for characters to (literally) try on different identities and figure out who they are -- watching Maura test out different feminine clothing in the flashbacks is one of the sweetest, most delightful parts of the show. And in the present, Tambor wears a fabulous selection of caftans.

mikvah.jpgThe Tribe
Transparent is, among the many other things it is, one of the best artistic depictions of modern secular Judaism. The Pfeffermans are nominally Jewish by affect, with Shelly caring about the opinion of the rabbi (welcome guest star Kathryn Hahn), who winds up in a relationship with Josh (that's them in a mikvah in the image above!). The sixth episode ends with a warm, spiritual shabbat dinner, a scene that, in its long, complicated, conversational battle, cuts to the heart of what makes the show so fantastic: its incessant, surprising empathy for everyone.

16 Free Concerts To Catch In New York This August

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AugustConcerts.jpgSummer is entering the home stretch, which means long days, hot subway stations, and... free concerts! If you've gotten through June and July without enjoying the city's musical freebies, don't miss out on one of these great shows in August.

8/5 -- Ratking and Bishop Nehru
Rap punks Ratking are joined by 18-year-old rapper/producer Bishop Nehru for a SummerStage show at East River Park.
East River Park Amphitheater, 7pm

8/5 -- Full Band Electric Counterpoint + Dither and friends, featuringLee Ranaldo, Yo La Tengo, and Mark Stewart
Electric guitar quartet Dither will host a night of rock-and-roll experimentation as part of Lincoln Center's Out of Doors series with special guests Sonic Youth guitarist
Lee Ranaldo and indie rock veterans Yo La Tengo.
Damrosch Park
, Lincoln Center, Amsterdam & W. 62nd St; 7:30pm

8/6 -- U.S. Girls and Yuck

Toronto-based U.S. Girls (aka Meg Remy) brings her feminist pop to River Rocks alongside a set by London indie rockers Yuck.
Pier 84; 6pm

8/6 -- Caribou and Sinkane
Caribou, one persona of Canadian electronic musician and math PhD Dan Snaith, takes the stage with Sudanese soul act Sinkane for an evening on the East River Promenade.
East River Park; 7-9pm

8/8 --30th Anniversary DJ Celebration: Quantic / Gilles Peterson / Afrika Bambaataa
An eclectic assortment of DJs will take over Central Park for this SummerStage event featuring British-born, Caribbean-inspired Quantic, DJ/broadcaster/producer Gilles Peterson, and break-beat pioneer Afrika Bambaataa.
Rumsey Playfield, Central Park; 5pm-10pm

8/8 -- tUnE-yArDs and Shabazz Palaces
Ebullient indie rocker tUnE-yArDs (aka Merrill Garbus) plays a set at the Prospect Park bandshell alongside experimental hip-hop duo Shabazz Palaces.
Prospect Park Bandshell, 62 West Dr., Brooklyn; 7:30pm

8/9 -- Caveman, Rivergazer, and The Fluids
Peruse the Flea's assortment of antiques, crafts, furniture and food to the sounds of Brooklyn-based rock bands Caveman, Rivergazer, and The Fluids.
Brooklyn Flea, 50 Kent Ave., Williamsburg; 2pm-6pm

8/10 -- Coma Serfs and Watermelon Sugar
Portland, OR's psychedelic garage-rock band Coma Serfs and Tacoma's (delicious-sounding) psychedelic sludge-pop group Watermelon Sugar converge at LES mainstay Arlene's Grocery for this freebie show.
Arlene's Grocery, 95 Stanton St; 8pm
Coma Serfs, Watermelon Sugar

8/11 -- Rakim and DJ Tedsmooth
The groundbreaking hip-hop artist and producer and Long Island native, Rakim Allah, will play a set following DJ Teddy Rafael Mendez's beats.
Marcus Garvey Park, 122nd St. and Mt. Morris Park; 7pm-9pm

8/13 --Lower Dens and Newtown Radio DJs
As part of the MoMa Nights series, museum-goers can head out to the Sculpture Garden for free music every Thursday. On the 13th, a Newtown Radio DJ will open for Baltimore-based indie pop band Lower Dens
Museum of Modern Art, 11 W. 53rd St., 5:30pm-8pm

8/16 -- You Blew It!, Sorority Noise, and Microwave
Orlando-based indie-emo band You Blew It! takes its tour to Jacob Riis Park in Far Rockaway with Hartford-based party punkers Sorority Noise and Atlanta-based alt-rock group Microwave.
Riis Park Beach Bazaar, 157 Rockaway Beach Blvd., Queens; 2pm

8/20 -- Annual Block Party feat. Bobby Sanabria Quintet
Grammy-nominated Latin jazz musician and percussionist Bobby Sanabria will appear at Queens hub of jazz history, the Louis Armstrong Museum.
Louis Armstrong Museum, 34-56 107th St., Queens; 4pm

8/22 -- Mykki Blanco and Princess Nokia
Queer rapper, poet, and performance artist Mykki Blanco will be hitting the beach in Far Rockaway with Princess Nokia, the alter-ego of feminist indie artist Destiny Frasqueri.
Riis Park Beach Bazaar, 157 Rockaway Beach Blvd., Queens; 2pm

8/22 -- Complete, Octagrape, and Honey Radar
Cult band Complete is traveling all the way from Fort Worth, TX to Williamsburg's Union Pool for the venue's Summer Thunder series.
Union Pool, 484 Union Ave., Brooklyn; 2pm

8/29 -- Steve Gunn
The singer-songwriter and former guitarist of The Violators will keep the "Summer Thunder" booming at Union Pool after playing there in 2013 and 2014.
Union Pool, 484 Union Ave., Brooklyn; 2pm
 
8/30 -- Garifuna International
At the northern tip of Central Park, the Harlem Meer Performance festival will highlight jazz, Latin, world, and gospel artists every Sunday this summer. August's last group celebrates the song and dance of West African, Central African, Island Carib, and Arawak descendents known as Garifuna.
Harlem Meer Performance Festival, 110th Street at Lenox; 2pm-4pm

Complete, Octagrape, Honey Radar

James Franco is Starring in HBO's New '70s Porn Drama From the Creator of The Wire

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interior_leather_bar_movie_franco.jpgPretty much everything about HBO's upcoming The Deuce sounds great. David Simon, journalist and creator of The Wire, is set to oversee the drama about the Times Square porn industry during the '70s and '80s, writing with frequent collaborator, crime novelist George Pelecanos. Michelle MacLaren, one of the best directors in the game, is behind the camera. And in front of that camera is... James Franco. The show will loosely jump off from the real-life story of twins who wound up as major players in the porn world of Times Square, which allows Variety, in an article explaining HBO's order for the series, to publish one of the funniest, scariest, and vaguely thrilling sentences in the English language all at the same time: "Franco will play both twins."

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