Patti Smith Writes A Finale Ode For "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

August 20, 2015, 5:56 am

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As if you needed further proof that Patti Smith was the coolest person to have ever existed, turns out she's also low-key a Frylock fan -- as proven by the melancholic song she wrote for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force finale. 

That's right, after 13 seasons, the cult Adult Swim classic is ending this Sunday with an episode appropriately called "The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We ****ing Mean It)" and it features a heartfelt tune penned by Smith called "Aqua Teen Dream." Cause we're all Just Kids at heart, right?

[h/t Pitchfork]

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Anti-Capitalist Millionaire Artist Banksy Creates A Dystopian Disneyland

August 20, 2015, 6:09 am

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photo by Yui Mok/PA

Banksy's latest art project was unveiled earlier this week in the English seaside town of Weston-super-Mare at Tropicana, a "derelict" seaside pool complex he's turned into his own five-week "bemusement park," meant to serve as a commentary on the corruption of central powers and capitalism.

His biggest exhibition to date, Dismaland is, appropriately, a dystopian take on the "evil" institution that is Disneyland. According to the artist, it's meant to be "a family theme park unsuitable for children" that Banksy is branding as "a festival of art, amusements and entry-level anarchism" and "an escape from mindless escapism."

Banksy, who still fancies himself a "subversive,""anti-capitalist" art force despite his works now being mass-produced and commanding upwards of $1 million, has decided to take on  the Disney Corporation with a hefty dose of sarcasm and sneer. After all, irony is his specialty, seeing as how he's made millions off of an art form that started with the Bronx's poorest communities of color. Or, you know, seeing as how he's commonly cited as the high-brow art world's failed attempt to embrace a token sense of diversity. 

Taking over the depressing seafront park, which is "popular with low income holiday makers," the attraction/exhibit will apparently feature 10 new works by Banksy, plus pieces from similar white cube heavy-hitters à la Damien Hirst and Jenny Holzer. Interspersed between other exhibit "pieces" like the "pocket money loan" shops (kids can get money at a 5000% interest rate) and paparazzi-flooded Cinderella pumpkin crash scenes, it's bound to be an interesting exploration in the furthering of his ironic rhetoric. A day in capitalism-conscious dystopia can be all yours for £3 -- or at least until the show closes on September 27th.

Oops, here's the pic I meant to include on that last Tweet. #Rain#Dismalandpic.twitter.com/URFYFbw9mo

-- Francis Clarke (@francisclarke) August 5, 2013

[h/tGuardian]

After Divorce, Homelessness, and a New Album On the Way, Willis Earl Beal Is Ready to Let Go

August 20, 2015, 6:30 am

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[Photo via Facebook]

Willis Earl Beal, the enigmatic, mask-wearing, genre-hopping musician whose backstory of homelessness and dismay with the music industry has been well-mined by journalists, is back in the public eye and fatigue is starting to show.

At least some of his discontent may be due to the time of our phone call -- 10am  --  but the state of "perpetual restlessness" in which I find him is largely due to the echoes of a separation with his now ex-wife and being, once again, in-between homes and struggling for money. He communicates with a sense of ambivalence and seems reluctant to talk to press. "It's interesting for me to be going through the publicity process right now" he explains. "When I have to do an interview, sometimes it might be after having slept in the park, or after I've just woken up." It's something Beal will have to get used to, as music publications are chomping at the bit to speak to the musician about his forthcoming record, Noctunes, out August 28th via Tender Loving Empire.

Originally from Chicago, Beal began his music career after a circuitous path that included a stint in the army (for which he was eventually discharged due to a medical condition), homelessness in Albuquerque, New Mexico and a series of jobs that included working security at Chicago's Willis Tower (née Sears Tower). It was in Albuquerque that he began posting hand-drawn fliers looking for a romantic companion, which caught the eye of FOUND Magazine who put one of his fliers on their cover along with an interview of Beal inside. The nascent buzz from the story made its way to XL Recordings, whose Hot Charity imprint offered him a deal and went on to release his first two records, Acousmatic Sorcery (2012) and Nobody Knows (2013). 

A few years later, ones that included a role in buzzy Sundance film Memphis and a departure from Hot Charity, and his lifespan as a musician has come full circle in more ways than one. "It's a long, winding story" that he'd rather not get into, he says, but it feels "like I'm starting all over again." He's back with an irregular place to sleep, back to having very limited finances and back to putting a new record out by an exciting label but, this time, one that is willing to allow him his auteur visions. "I went to [my new label] Tender Loving Empire because I knew that they were smaller" he says. "There wasn't going to be any advance, but there would be creative control and people who are excited about what it is I'm doing."

The label has helped him fend off destitution by providing motels and coordinating a spell of couch-surfing in Portland where he has relocated from Washington State following his divorce. Portland, however, isn't somewhere he is looking to stay. "I don't like Portland very much" he says. "I was called a n***** while I was here and I haven't been called a n***** in a very long time now. It's just this overall feeing of hostility towards me that I can sense. We can all sense when we're not wanted."

Reverberations from the breakup of his marriage and the frustration of being broke have left Beal in a state of emotional confusion. "Sometimes I feel incredibly euphoric and sometimes I feel extremely depressed" he sighs. "That's not due to any type of mental illness, it's just because that's how life is. Particularly when you don't have your own place to live and have to depend on other people." In all the sorrow there is an upside -- for his fans at least. Noctunes is the most relatable, honest and captivating album that he's created to date; it was recorded while he was still married to his wife but at a time when the relationship was disintegrating.
 
"It was kind of about the breakdown of my former marriage and additionally it was about trying to create some songs about not being able to sleep" he explains. "It's supposed to help the listener fall asleep and if they can't sleep, then listening to the lyrics should be basically relatable if you have a broken heart." Thematically, the song lyrics are generic and as fundamental as they can get. Occupying over six minutes of running time, "Stay." acts as the record's central focus, tenderly contemplating feelings of abandonment. "Initially, I wrote that song as kind of a joke and then I realized that at the time, that's how I actually felt. My idea was to put some emotion into a song with generic lyrics and just keep everything simple and completely and totally as relatable as possible."
 
He continues, "when I listen to it, it puts me in a place where it helps me to remember what I've learned and who I am because it's me, but it's also intended to be very general. It's almost like I'm listening to something that somebody else made that was specifically designed to help my emotions." The recording experience -- and the life events he's discussed -- have also brought on a wave of self awareness. "I know myself better now after my ex-wife leaving me. I know myself better now after meeting the new lady of my life and I know myself better now after realizing that the world doesn't owe me anything. I am more aware that I could just disappear in the blink of an eye and it wouldn't matter," he says. In Noctunes, Beal is interested in the idea of surrender, of "letting go in order to embrace something else, something not tethered to the ground."

Although Willis hopes the album sells well so that Tender Loving Empire can make a good profit, he continues to have disdain with commercial success. What really concerns him is communication and connecting, the simple act of talking to someone who relates to his songs. "Just the other day I was playing basketball and some guy noticed me on the court and was like 'Hey man, are you Willis Earl Beal?' I said 'Yeah' and he said 'Yeah man, I like your music a lot.' That really, really makes me happy," he says.

Along with finding forms of genuine connection, Beal has some more temporal goals like "getting a car and getting a place to live," he says, which means also finding a job. He tells me that he's already missed his opportunity to work today at a first-come first-serve bottling factory, but what makes him excited -- for the first time during our interview -- is the idea of landscaping. "It's such a fucking great way to earn money" he explains. "There's no boss and you're working directly with the earth and the soil. You dig, pull weeds and then they pay you at the end of the day."

For Beal, simplicity and financial autonomy are paramount but, he says, "money in and of itself is a limiting kind of way to deal with the world. I'd rather just barter and trade." Ultimately, he says he wants to "get some land and be happy. If I'm doing something, it's gotta be contributing to my happiness in some way. I'd like to believe it's not a shallow happiness -- it's something substantial."
 

Is The Internet Ready for Season Two of Zhe Zhe, a Web Series About an Unknown Pop Band?

August 20, 2015, 7:00 am

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Zhe Zhe is a satyrical DIY sitcom about a fame-obsessed, trend-chasing unknown pop band in alternate reality New York. At least that's what the creators claim in the video posted on their kickstarter which is attempting to subsidize season two of the web series. The show reminds us of old school East Village performance mayhem from the likes of Dancenoise, Alien Comic and any other act that used to play at La Mama. The good news is they've already reached their kickstarter goal. The better news is there will definitely be a season two. There's still time to make a donation if you care to help encourage this cuckoo bunch of kids make YouTube magic.

Junglepussy Flips Off All The Fuccbois In Her Video For "Now Or Later"

August 20, 2015, 7:55 am

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Junglepussy's back, baby -- and it's with a brand new video called "Now or Later," the first single off of her forthcoming fall album Pregnant With Success. 

Ducking in and out among a photo shoot-set and a farmer's market spread, she asks if you're fucking with her now or are you fucking with her later -- all while spitting incredible lines like "dipped out the Uber slowly like a lady" and "couple coconut-y n****as want their juices in me." All whackass boys, please dip to the left. 

[h/tComplex]

Rick Owens Finally Speaks Up About Punching That Rogue Model

August 20, 2015, 8:45 am

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Remember in June when Rick Owens socked Jera, that rogue model who staged an impromptu "Kill Angela Merkel" protest in the middle of his Paris Fashion Week show? Well Owens has got something to say about that, especially since people (ourselves included) were initially taken aback by a physical altercation right after a show focused around ideas of male aggression.

Speaking to Surface magazine, he explained, "The whole reason I hit the guy was I knew if I didn't react very strongly it might get out that this was some stunt that I had planned. Everybody had to know how strongly I disagreed with this." 

"That was my biggest problem -- that it was a negative gesture," Owens said. "Whenever I do provocation, I'm always doing something that I feel is based on warmth and kindness and love."

He went on to say that what Jera did was "so illogical" and he wonders "if he has dementia or something" as he's now been basically ostracized from Owen's fold. He says his team "now feel[s] more hostility toward him than I do because they feel protective of me. It was really a self-destructive gesture." 

Yikes.

[h/t Dazed and Confused]

Take a Look at "Her Story," the First Trans Love Story On TV

August 20, 2015, 9:30 am

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Eve Ensler, the playwright behind The Vagina Monologues, is currently producing a web TV series called Her Story-- and apparently it'll be the first trans love story made for television. Inspired by Ensler's time with an all-trans cast performing her landmark play back in 2004, the series focuses on the story of two transwomen named Vi and Paige, who have to grapple with both their identities and love lives.

"In the years since [that performance], I've watched as dialogue about transgender life has grown and representation in the media has exploded," Ensler said in a story for The Guardian. "But there is one thing I haven't seen: those deep truths I learned over a decade ago told by trans people themselves." 

Most importantly though, Ensler promises this will be a show about deconstructing the "cliche, exploitation and political correctness" that's surrounded most trans-centric conversations thus far, which is probably the most valuable thing of all. Watch the trailer, below.

[h/t Guardian]

5 Family-Friendly Activities to Do In Provincetown

August 19, 2015, 11:24 am

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PTown Scoop on 85 Commercial St.

Seeing a smiling family pose for a photo with a group of drag queens on bicycles is quintessential Provincetown. The town's open-arms policy applies just as much to kids as it does to the LGBT community. If you're looking for traditional family-friendly activities (beyond a family drag photo-op), we've listed five below. 

1. Marine Exploration
Provincetown has the uncommon luxury of running alongside both bay and ocean waters, which makes it prime location for spotting a diverse range of marine wildlife. Explore offshore by hiring a private (or shared) boat to either fish or go whale watching. Sea Salt Charters is run by Captain Chad Avellar, who comes from generations of seamen.  

Sea Salt Charters, 19 Ryder St E, Provincetown, MA 02657, (508) 444-2732

  

2. Ice Cream
If you leave the itinerary up to the children then it may be ice cream all day, every day. Satiate their sweet tooth with Ptown Scoop, whose menu is tailor-made for the town, with sizes and flavors named after locales. With the menu including a dog-friendly option (the Pilgrim Bark Park), it's a place the whole family can enjoy.  

PTown Scoop, 85 Commercial St, Provincetown, MA 02657, (508) 413-9591

3. Family Week
Among the many themed weeks during the year, the annual Family Week, having occurred for over 20 years, is one of the most celebrated. Each year Family Week occurs during the last week in July, and registration for the 2016 week opens as early as November. Specialty family programming and activities for kids of all ages take over the town. 

More information on Family Week can be found at the Family Equality Council

4. Pirates!
Pirates are a part of Provincetown's history, which is explored in a delightful museum appropriately located at the very end of a pier. Explore artifacts including ammunition and treasure, and learn about the true story of one ship's voyage, which ended in wreckage along the Cape Cod bay. 

Wyhda Museum, 16 Macmillan Wharf Provincetown, MA 02657, (508) 487-8899

5. Hit the Trails
Provincetown is not the vacation destination for the sedentary, but for the family looking to get out and be active, it holds boundless adventure. And activity is not limited to the nautical -- the surrounding landscape makes for a memorable walking and hiking environment. Explore the lesser-seen woods by hiking the Beech Forest Trail, a route that's just under two miles and laid out in an easily navigable loop that's fine for beginners. Look out for birds who also take to the woods for their own retreat. 

Guide and history of the Beech Forest Trail. 

For more on Provincetown, check out PAPERMAG.com/ptown

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Introducing "Pooductive," The App That Let's You Chat To People On The Toilet

August 21, 2015, 1:58 am

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There are lot of shitty apps out there, but tbh we think this new one takes the crown.

Appropriately dubbed "Pooductive," it's a free mobile app allows you to anonymously chat with other people using the toilet -- or as they put it, the "people who are all in the same position as you...pardon the pun."  

Operating on the idea that 75% of cell phone users said they used their devices on the toilet (and 90% saying they returned calls from their porcelain thrones),  it was developed by a Ricardo Gruber, who is hopeful that they'll be able to connect Pooductive to some big charities that focus on clean water and improving hygiene in developing countries. Some lofty goals for sure, but seeing as how they say on the website that, "the toilet is an incubator for creativity...A place where thoughts are forged from outside the box" we're sure they'll figure something out. 

[h/t Daily Mail]

Lana Del Rey Debuts New Song "Terrence Loves You," Album Cover Art

August 21, 2015, 3:40 am

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More new Lana! Listen to gorgeous new Honeymoon track "Terrence Loves You" above.

Below is the just-released cover art for the album, out September 18th, as well as the alternate limited-edition version, which is being sold exclusively by Urban Outfitters and is available for pre-order here.

Urban Outfitters limited-edition version:

Thank God: Awful Fat-Shaming Facebook Page Project Harpoon Is Deleted

August 21, 2015, 4:29 am

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Image via Project Harpoon

As of this morning, it looks like the hideously named Project Harpoon -- aka a collective of fat-shaming (Moby) Dicks -- has been shuttered, as both the Facebook group and Instagram have been deleted. 

The group's users posted edited photos of gorgeous, plus-sized women like Ashley Graham, Megan Trainor and Melissa McCarthy to make them thinner -- using vile tags like #SkinnyAcceptance and #thINNERBEAUTY to promote its goal of helping "misguided women" reach their full potential. It obviously kicked off a lot of well-deserved outrage, with plus-size model and #effyourbeautystandards body positive activist Tess Holliday putting it on blast.

"It's abominable that this [Facebook page] is using my image without permission to promote themselves," she said. "This kind of hit piece is exactly why I started #effyourbeautystandards. I am asking my followers to boycott this [page] and any others like it. Loving yourself is the most powerful message we all need to stand behind."

Image via Project Harpoon

The kicker though? Apparently the group was founded by a group of video game Redditors"dismayed by 'transformations' of [gaming] heroines, who went from stick-thin to more 'realistic' body sizes." 

Thank fuck someone put these assholes in their place.

[h/t People]

One Direction Heads to Space In New "Drag Me Down" Video

August 21, 2015, 4:30 am

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1D seems to be doing pretty okay without Zayn -- or at least it seems that way based on their new video for "Drag Me Down." The four gents shot the clip at the NASA Space Center in Houston and the result is an epic three-minute video showing them rocketing into the great beyond. Harry also has a special moment with a robot so there's that, too. Give it a watch above.

Attention Vampire Goths: The World's First "Blood Rave" Is Happening

August 21, 2015, 5:40 am

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Attention all teen witches and aging vampire goths: The world's first ever "blood rave" is happening this Halloween in Amsterdam.

Exactly what you'd imagine, it'll be at a nightclub where clubbers will have blood dumped on them via an overhead sprinkler system. Whether or not that's human or animal blood is unclear, at the point but let's hope for the latter

Speaking to The NL Timeson terms of anonymity, the organizers said that the party is inspired by the opening of vamp classic Blade. And while we're still not 100% sure if this is going to be a real thing -- despite their insistence that they've already tested it several times -- one organizer said at one point that it'll be just like the Blade scene, except "just more extreme." 

"It is pushing the borders," another added later. "But we want to see how far we can go." Which is all gravy, but like, we hope they have a good answer for where they're getting all this blood. 😱

[h/tVice]

Praise the "Paper Gods," Duran Duran Share The Dramatic "What Are The Chances"

August 21, 2015, 6:04 am

≫ Next: From Grace Jones to Uniiqu3 to Thundercat, Who to See at Afropunk Festival This Weekend

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Praise be Paper Gods, because our favorite new wave hunks Duran Duran have just provided us with the best power ballad we could ever hope for. 

Incredibly moving and theatrical-levels of dramatic, Simon Le Bon's soaring vocals are perfect amongst introspective drum machines and a glistening string section -- truly a single to contemplate to. Listen to the track below -- now complete with a strangely eerie video of crumpling paper. 

RELATED: THE 10 HOTTEST GUYS FROM 1980S NEW WAVE

From Grace Jones to Uniiqu3 to Thundercat, Who to See at Afropunk Festival This Weekend

August 21, 2015, 6:51 am

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This weekend is the Brooklyn edition of the Afropunk Festival -- a two-day festival that focuses on music, but also includes readings, fashion and well most near anything at the intersection of art and blackness. This year marks the first time the festival is charging people for entry, which drew some backlash, but, with a bill that includes, on one night, Grace Jones and Lauryn Hill, only to follow with Lenny Kravtiz, it makes sense that organizers might need a little more cash coming in. The line-up of the festival highlights the amount of music coming from various black artists across genre lines. Today we put together a small guide of who to see this weekend.

Saturday:

The SpinThrift Market
The festival begins in the early afternoon, and in case doesn't want to spend nearly ten hours hovering around festival stages, the SpinThrift market, which will be featuring an array of vendors, will be a good place to start. Wares range from the political apparel of Sucka Free Tees and False Prophets to the jewelry of Fanta Celah and Jewelsziah.

Kelis -- 5:45pm (Green Stage)
More than a decade since she was making hits with the Neptunes, Kelis has gone further down an electronic based musical path. But such a shift is an exciting one, as Kelis never lost the desire to be on the top of the latest trends.

Danny Brown -- 7:20pm (Red Stage)
Danny Brown can make you want to party, rip out your heart out, or get as raunchy as Uncle Luke circa 1986, all within a couple of songs. The Detroit rapper's rise to fame in part was predicated on his live performances that are not simply him leaning on his backing tracks, but instead he performing with the energy of a punk band.

Uniiqu3 -- 8pm (Gold Stage)
There are a number of DJs and producers this year at Afropunk, but Uniiqu3 is one that shouldn't be missed. The jersey club producer has been making hyperactive remixes and mixes for years, yet only recently has the rest of the country caught up to her great music made by Uniiqu3 and the Brick Bandits crew.

Death Grips -- 8:25 (Red Stage)
One of the most baffling groups of the decade also provides (or maybe doesn't) one of the most baffling live performances. You could go. Or maybe not. Or maybe so.

Grace Jones -- 9:30pm (Green Stage)
Don't go to Afropunk and miss this living legend. That's all that needs to be said on the matter.

Sunday:


The arts
Art is so central to the Afropunk Festival. Because time flies at music festivals -- between running between stages, waiting in line for food and for bathrooms -- make sure to devote some time to the festivals several exhibitions. Take that moment to absorb some of the art from artists like Cita Sadeli "Chelove," Miguel Ovalle and Brandon Sadler.

Raury -- 4:15pm (Red Stage)
The young multi-instrumental teen saw his fame and attention rise so quickly that he sly wore an "Industry Plant" shirt when he appeared on the XXL Freshman list. Of course he isn't a plant sent by the record industry to destroy the world through genreless jams. (Is he rock? r&b? Funk? Gospel? Zydeco?) Though wouldn't this be a more exciting place if he was an invader sent down to destroy the musical world?

Thundercat -- 4:45pm (Green Stage)
Kendrick Lamar's sprawling To Pimp a Butterfly is an album that ranges the last nearly of 70s of black music, yet it's Thundercat who steals the show in the opening with his bass playing on "Wesley's Theory." THUNDERCAT IS A KING.

Goldlink -- 5:15pm (Red Stage)
The DC rapper kept his identity hidden for a while, a strange choice for someone who makes hyperactive rap-infused with dance music. A rapper with such a vibrant style of music might be expected to be more outgoing to the public, yet he was reclusive. Thankfully, as a live performer he lives up to the spark that runs through his work.

photo by Diggy Lloyd

Kelela -- 6:15pm (Red Stage)
The r&b singer came to prominence through her collaborations with the Night Slugs and Fade To Mind crew of producers that included Bok Bok, Jam City, Nguzunguzu, Kingdom and more. She just announced on Instagram that her upcoming EP is finished, so perhaps she'll be premiering a few of these news tunes this weekend.

Kaytranada -- 8:15pm (Red Stage)
Since his teenaged years, the 22-year-old has done nearly everything one could ask of an producer. He's done his own solo releases, more remixes than one could possibly count and produced work for artist ranging from old-school (Mobb Deep) to the nu-school (Mick Jenkins). Given how busy he's kept the last few years, don't miss the chance to see him perform in front of people instead of sticking to the studio.

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Rick Owens Addresses Male Body-Shaming, Explains His Penis Peek Garments

August 21, 2015, 7:30 am

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 photo via NY Mag

Yesterday, took a look at Rick Owens' long-awaited comments about punching the rogue model who turned his Paris Fashion Week show into an impromptu protest -- however, the provocative designer had some other important points to make during his Surface interview, especially in regards to male body shaming.

Because while undue pressure is predominantly placed on the female figure, that doesn't mean body-shaming doesn't affect men as well -- especially in regards to their nether regions, which are often the focus of much undue scrutiny.

"Let's consider a world where there's no shame,"Owens said to the mag. "Why did your parents teach you that your penis is ugly? All the most conservative or vehement reactions were: 'How disgusting! Why would anyone want to show a shriveled up nutsack like that?' And: 'Why was it so small?'"

He then goes on to say that it's strange that children are taught that penises are ugly and are supposed to be bigger -- another reason why his ground-breaking "peen peek" show earlier this year was such a revelation. 

And since he's also the man who cast a professional step team in lieu of traditional models at one of his shows, let's hope that Owens keeps speaking up about body positivity for all. 

Hot Muscle: A Primer On Celebrity Bodyguards

August 21, 2015, 9:35 am

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[Photo via Instagram]

 
10 . Greg Lenz (Jennifer Lawrence's CURRENT bodyguard)
By now, it appears that Oscar-winning international treasure, Jennifer Lawrence, has a type when it comes to the men guarding her life. Greg Lenz is all that and a case of Natty Lite. I mean, really. He looks like the "nice Frat guy" in your intro to creative writing class.

Ugh.  To make it worse, these are Jennifer's former bodyguards:

Yep.

OK. Thanks, Jen!

[Photo via Instagram]

 
9. Pascal Duvier (Kim Kardashian's bodyguard)
If you say  "Terrifying German man with a soul bludgeoning glare" into a mirror three times, Pascal Duvier appears behind you yelling "NEIN." That's definitely why Ms. Kimberly Kardashian-West enlisted the hulking European to keep an eye on her and Nori while Yeezy is away on business.

Usually dressed in all black (of course!) Mr. Duvier is not one to fuck with. Though it does seem like Kim's stratospheric fame can be stressful for him (WE SYMPATHIZE).

Pascal gets an A+.
 
He's also a loving father and gentle giant who has no problem cuddling with animals. Swoon.

8. Emma Probert (Kate Middleton's bodyguard)
The Duchess of Cambridge relies on girl power to keep herself and her two royal babies safe. That's why Kate hired Sergeant Emma Probert for her protective services.

Ms. Probert's chic fashion sense also allows her to blend in as just another member of the Princess' stylish entourage.

Don't let the hat fool you, boo.

Photo: Getty Images

7. Denise Morrone (Emma Watson's bodyguard)
Ms. Watson hired former NYPD lieutenant, Denise, to channel her Staten Island grit in keeping Emma safe from Harry Potter crazies.

After a stalker broke into the Long Island set of Watson's biblical epic Noah in 2012, Ms. Morrone came onto the scene, and hasn't left Emma's side since.

It pays off, too! Denise reportedly earns $150,000 a year for her services.

[Photo via Instagram]

 6. Mikey Arana (Justin Bieber's B.G.)
I'm sure it isn't the easiest job to be Justin Bieber's daily protector. Aside from the Biebs' own antics (which I admit have been greatly reformed in the past year), the shrill chorus of tween girls from every corner of the earth, and constant locust swarms of paparazzi must weigh heavy on those in charge of him.

In fact, one of Justin's former babysitter's, Hugo Hesny, got 45 days in jail this year for stealing a paparazzo's camera.

Fortunately, Mikey Arana is super chill about Bieber's mind-numbing celebrity, keeping his client safe on the daily.

Justin seems grateful, too, like in this Insta-video where he plants a kiss on an unfazed Mikey's cheek.

😭😂😂😘😘 @mikeyarana I'm not gay but even if I was that's not an insult

A video posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on May 31, 2015 at 3:12pm PDT

Awwwww



5. Peter van der Veen (Lady Gaga's bodyguard)
Not surprisingly, Mother Monster has quite the theatrical team surrounding her every movement. But standing out in the Haus of Gaga is her main, super sexy bodyguard, Peter van der Veen, who looks a lot like Jason Statham

Fun fact: Peter provided background vocals on Gaga's ghoulish track "Government Hooker" from her 2011 album Born This Way. 

It's not all fun and games, though. In Paris this past March, Mr. van der Veen was forced to put an aggressive fan in a chokehold as Gaga exited her hotel. All in a day's work!

4. "J.B." (Kristen Stewart's bodyguard)
There's no doubt Kristen Stewart sought out an impenetrable wall of human to keep the Twihards at a safe distance. That's why her uber-hot bodyguard of more than 3 years, known simply as J.B., is a necessary presence.

Of course, leave it to the ravenous Twilight fans to become fixated on him. There's an active Facebook page devoted to him called "Team H.B.G" (Team Hot Bodyguard) where K-Stew devotees post photos of J.B., and discuss their wish for him to protect her in a very Edward/Bella kind of way.

Christ.

3. Kevin Falk (Nicki Minaj's bodyguard)
First appearing with Nicki Minaj at last year's VMAs, Mr. Falk 's muscular essence was hired to keep the rapper out of harm's way

But if you're gay, and wondering, 'I think I recognize?' you most likely do. Kevin Falk was also a former versatile gay for pay pornstar, mostly in the early 2010s.

Yes, that is true. Nicki, you are truly magnificent.

Awww 😍😄 RT @TeamOfRihanna: Rihanna and her bodyguard spotted in NYC - March 5 pic.twitter.com/JYTAtQO7Sk

-- Alex ☈ (@RiRi_MyOnlyGirl) March 6, 2015

2. This gorgeous specimen of a human male (one of Rihanna's bodyguards)
While BadGalRiRi faced a defamation of character lawsuit last year from her former head of security, Geoffery Keating, this hunky guard clearly had no qualms with his client, as he carried Ms. Robyn Rihanna Fenty over the snowy streets of New York this past March.

We imagine all Rihanna had to do was look down at the snow, and just say, "Nah," before her bodyguard knew what to do.

You win, unspecified protector of Ri-Ri. Just tell us where R8 is, k?
 

Hardest working man I know... #JuliusdeBoer do Cuh ever get a day off?!!!! Lol 😂😂😂 I love #thecarters #knowles family!!!

A photo posted by MelRose💋♋️✌🏾️ (@melrozay) on Nov 16, 2014 at 7:55pm PST

1. Julius De Boer (Former Protector of Queen Beyoncé)
The gorgeous Dutch giant, known as the "Fulltime Executive Protection Officer," was in charge of preserving the splendor of our Empress of Earth, Beyoncé, for almost a decade.

Beginning in 2008, Julius served his queen in a knightly way, often using physical might to overpower those threatening Bey and baby Blue Ivy. Julius was even the one to break up the now legendary elevator fight between Solange Knowles and Jay-Z last year in the Standard Hotel, post-Met Ball.  Unfortunately, his dedication would ultimately be his downfall -- De Boer was fired last year. Many believed the decision came amidst the divorce rumors plaguing Bey + Jay, as Hov was reportedly jealous of Julius and Yoncé's close relationship

TRAGIC. And I....will always....love you, Julius (sorry, I had to). May you protect Bey and Blue in my heart forever.

10 Bitching Witch Movies

August 21, 2015, 9:45 am

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Most of us remember the first movie witch that freaked us out. From the green-skinned Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz, to the evil Maleficent of Disney's Sleeping Beauty. Honestly, for me the thought that you could ride a broom and turn people into toads was a turn on. There have been great movies about satanic cults and vengeful witches, and I'm not talking about Charmed or Practical Magic, The Craft, The Witches Of Eastwick or Hocus Pocus. Unfortunately I couldn't include two perfectly wonderful romantic comedies about witchcraft: I Married a Witch and Bell, Book & Candle but these 10 will definitely cast a spell.


Suspiria (1977)
Italian master of the macabre Dario Argento's masterpiece. The lovely Jessica Harper plays a ballet student who arrives at a dance academy in Bavaria and finds it overrun with witches. Shot in three-strip Technicolor, it's a terrifying, expressionistic, shocker with a great hard rock score by Goblin. Supposedly a new Blu-ray of this brilliant film from Synapse is in the works.

Burn Witch Burn (Night of the Eagle) (1962)
This fantastic thriller based on Fritz Leiber's Conjure Wife and smartly directed by Sidney Hayers is about a British professor (Peter Wyngarde) whose life and career are going along splendidly until he sets fire to his wife's (Janet Blair) protection charms and frightening supernatural attacks begin to happen to him. A scene with a stone eagle coming to life is especially creepy. This was just released this week in a stunning looking Blu-ray and DVD from Kino Lorber. The incantation to protect the audience from evil in the beginning of the film is a riot.


The Witches (1990)
A wildly entertaining film directed by Nicolas Roag (Don't Look Now) and based on a book by Roald Dahl. A young boy and his grandmother stop at a hotel and discover to their horror it is overrun with a convention of witches. Anjelica Huston is fiendishly fun as the Grand High Witch who plans to rid England of all children and transforms the little boy into a mouse.

Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Roman Polanski's adaptation of the Ira Levin novel is just a perfect movie, beginning with the unsettling open shots hovering over NYC's Dakota apartments where newlyweds (Rosemary) Mia Farrow and her ambitious actor husband (John Cassevetes) move into. But when Rosemary gets pregnant she suspects something sinister is afoot. Ruth Gordon rightfully won an Oscar as the weird overly friendly elderly neighbor. A great paranoid nightmare right to the end, this gets better every time you see it. Criterion recently came out with a loving restoration on Blu-ray and DVD.

Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)
A surreal documentary by Benjamin Christensen about the origins of witchcraft- mixing documentary footage with animation and fiction. Charting the historical with bizarre sequences of black masses, the inquisition, witches flying in the moonlight, it's really strange. The disturbing imagery is right out of Hieronymus Bosch, Criterion put out a great DVD of this. Pure nightmare fuel.

Black Sunday (1960)
A condemned witch rises from her grave, along with her henchman servant, to take vengeance on the descendants who put her to death. The opening scene,  where they pound a spiked metal mask into her face, is still shocking. The great director Mario Bava does so much with light and shadow to create a masterfully chilling gothic horror film. This film also launched the fright career of saucer-eyed beauty Barbara Steele ("8 ½"). Kino Lorber released this recently on Blu-ray & DVD this in both the European and American version and it looks spectacular.

Horror Hotel (City Of The Dead) (1960)
A college student travels to the Massachusetts town of Whitehood to study about the Salem witch trials. Unfortunately the entire town is a practicing coven of witches presided over by an ominous Christopher Lee who delights in necromancy and human sacrifice. Excellently directed by John Llewellyn Moxey this is a really intelligent, wonderfully moody chiller. VCI puts this out on DVD in a version supposedly with extra footage.


The Devil's Own (The Witches) (1966)
Still haunted by voodoo rites she witnessed in Africa, Joan Fontaine plays a headmistress of a private school run by a creepy brother and sister. She soon suspects that one of her students in earmarked for sacrifice by a group that worship the devil. The finale when the demon-loving coven gathers, wildly dancing, and rolling in mud, with the head witch wearing antlers on her head is hilariously fabulous.

The Initiation Of Sarah (1978)
I know, this is a TV movie, but it makes me insane. The sublime Kay Lenz plays Sarah a shy, ostracized, student at a college who is shocked when she is asked to become part of a strange sorority of other misfits. The possible reason she is selected is because she has psychic powers. Morgan Fairchild plays the nasty member of a rival sorority. Sure, this is a Carrie rip-off but come on, it's Shelley Winters as the headmistress mother and supreme witch. Winters, God bless her, is about as subtle as a bubbling cauldron. Shout Factory put this out under a double bill of "Scream Factory TV Terrors".


Witching & Bitching (2013)
Alex de la Iglesia's deranged, fantastical, film about a bunch of jewelry thieves on the run from the law along with their high-jacked cab driver; passenger in the trunk; and even one of the crook's young son. They unfortunately drive through a town loaded with witches and get abducted. The divine Carmen Maura (Woman On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown) is the lead witch who delights in chatting on the phone while upside down on the ceiling. The finale with hundreds of evil acolytes drinking down toads and waiting for their demonic spiritual mother to show up is just outrageous. This will fry your brain.

Pyer Moss Is Going to Address Racial Politics In Its Debut NYFW Womenswear Show

August 21, 2015, 10:30 am

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photo via Pyer Moss

Menswear label Pyer Moss is making its womenswear debut this September for New York Fashion Week -- and apparently it's going to be an extensive exploration of racial politics that goes far beyond jackets and dresses. According to The Washington Post, he'll be screening a video on the police and racism during his show, which features the likes of Kehinde Wiley and Oscar Grant's mother.

In the wake of the Mike Brown shooting, Pyer Moss designer Kerby Jean-Raymond designed the viral "They Have Names" shirt that lists the names of black men subjected to police brutality -- and although he initially disliked the idea of his work being pigeon-holed as the work of a "political, black designer," he's since admitted that this is a way of "at least control[ling] the conversation. I can say, well, I'm an educated black designer."

And we're glad he's bringing this salient social conversation to the forefront and forcing the fashion world to engage. After all, fashion is all about making a statement -- literally and figuratively. 

[h/t The Cut]

The Best, Worst And Weirdest Of The Week

August 21, 2015, 12:45 pm

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I know you're jealous of my snack backpack. pic.twitter.com/0ORLj6xxel

-- Carly Rae Jepsen (@carlyraejepsen) August 16, 2015

Best Back To School Accessory: Carly Rae Jepsen has that snackpack look down pat. -- Sandra Song

[Photo via Instagram]

~Trendy~ (But Delicious Looking) Dessert Trend of the Week: Rolled ice cream, as seen as a new shop on Mott St. in NYC called 10Below. The folks at the shop make the rolls by pouring liquid ice cream and fixin's onto a freezing cold pan and then scrape the concoction into rolls and add more toppings. It's apparently super popular in Thailand. -- Abby Schreiber

Best Weekend Soundtrack: While we're on our CRJ tip, we'd just like to take this opportunity to say we really, really, really like you, EMOTION. -- SS

[Photo illustration by Sarah Rogers/The Daily Beast]

Delightful News Story That'll Help You Forget About the Awfulness That Is the Jared Fogle Pedophilia/Child Porn Arrest and Josh Duggar Fuckery and Ashley Madison Hack And All That: The item about Deez Nuts, the pseudonym of a 15-year-old boy from Iowa who registered with the Federal Election Commission to run for President and even got 9% of the vote in a North Carolina poll that had a hypothetical match-up between Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump and Nuts. Go Nuts! -- A.S.

Biggest 'Thanks, But We're Good' of the Week: Buffalo Bill's house in Silence of the Lambs -- the location of such brain-searing scenes as 'it puts the lotion on its skin' and 'I'd fuck me' -- is on sale for a cool 300K in Cincinnati. Think we'll pass.-- Elizabeth Thompson

Cutest Classmate: A high school in San Jose, CA just printed a student ID card for a beloved campus kitty named Bubba. Me-Wow. 😸 -- SS

Oddest New Products/Apps Involving Bodily Functions: A tie between a Friends Forever Tampons, a product that features two tampons connected by one string for you and your BFF; and Pooductive, an app that lets you anonymously chat with people while you -- and they -- are on the toilet. -- A.S.

Worst Beta Boomer Ever: Male gaze-oriented author bro Jonathan Franzen was apparently dissuaded from adopting an Iraqi War orphan...even though it was supposed to help him identify with a "'cynical and angry' younger generation." K. -- SS

Nightmarish Parent of the Week:Key & Peele's "MC Mom" who raps about all the jizz in your socks. Yuck. -- A.S.