Articles on this Page
- 04/03/12--09:29: _Cuteness (and Meerk...
- 04/03/12--10:00: _The Young Professio...
- 04/06/12--06:27: _Tips for Today: Pus...
- 04/06/12--07:21: _The Morning Funnies...
- 04/06/12--08:30: _New Order, Lana Del...
- 04/06/12--09:10: _LL Cool J's "Mama S...
- 04/06/12--09:55: _Photos from Diplo's...
- 04/06/12--10:29: _10 Under $50: Buy T...
- 04/06/12--12:05: _Listen to the Sciss...
- 04/06/12--12:10: _Renée Zellweger Loo...
- 04/06/12--12:45: _Wren's FW/'12 Prese...
- 04/06/12--13:40: _Red Farm's Ed Schoe...
- 04/06/12--13:54: _3x1 Celebrates Its ...
- 04/06/12--14:20: _Whit Stillman On Ne...
- 04/06/12--14:55: _Kobayashi Breaks Pe...
- 04/06/12--16:00: _Oh Jesus: Our Favor...
- 04/06/12--16:15: _Passover & Easter A...
- 04/10/12--10:10: _Saved By the Bell G...
- 04/10/12--10:50: _Watch a Video of Br...
- 04/10/12--11:40: _Your Art --> In Tim...
- 04/03/12--10:00: The Young Professionals' "D.I.S.C.O." Is Our Music Video of the Day
- 04/06/12--06:27: Tips for Today: Pussy Faggot + Levon Helm Band + ?uestlove
- 04/06/12--07:21: The Morning Funnies: My Little Damon + Bone Pugs-N-Harmony
- 04/06/12--08:30: New Order, Lana Del Rey, deadmau5 On This Year's SONAR Bill
- 04/06/12--09:10: LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" Is Our Music Video of the Day
- 04/06/12--09:55: Photos from Diplo's New Book, 128 Beats Per Minute
- 04/06/12--10:29: 10 Under $50: Buy These Cheap Goodies Now
- 04/06/12--12:05: Listen to the Scissor Sisters' New Single, "Only the Horses"
- 04/06/12--13:54: 3x1 Celebrates Its Ben Watts Skateboard Collab
- 04/06/12--16:00: Oh Jesus: Our Favorite Movie and TV J.C.s Of All Time
- 04/06/12--16:15: Passover & Easter Activities You'll Actually Want to Go To
- 04/10/12--10:10: Saved By the Bell Gets the Off-Broadway Treatment
- 04/10/12--10:50: Watch a Video of British Beatniks c. 1960
- 04/10/12--11:40: Your Art --> In Times Square
If there is one truth in this world, it is that I love myself some Madewell. So, Mr. Mickey and I headed to Madewell HQ (which also happens to be J. Crew HQ) this morning for a press preview showcasing J. Crew's younger cousin's forthcoming fall line. The name of the game was bright colors, mixed-and-matched patterns and some very cute animal imagery. Meerkats!! Following the preview, MM and I had a surreal and fun little run-in with the CEO of J. Crew, Mickey Drexler, as well as president and creative director Jenna Lyons. "It's VIPs on parade here!" Mr. Mickey exclaimed. Below, a selection of our favorite pieces from the fall collection.
These were very Mr. Mickey.
As was this cardi.
Belted ombre dress
We have a "thing" for striped dresses, and this is one of the cutest ones we've seen of late.
Another sheep sweater!
A brown moment
Mr. Mickey getting a reading from "The Style Psychic." She told him that Saturn is giving him trouble, which he said is true.
We've just recovered from our Miami Ultra/WMC binge and can report that, yes, dance music is alive and well. In fact, the disco revival is so big that we could swear we heard "Stayin' Alive" while walking past the Bee Gees' old South Beach recording studio. We did hear this track by the Israeli duo The Young Professionals and had to do a little research to learn than the chorus is a sample from a track -- also called D.I.S.C.O -- released in 1979 by the French group Ottawan, that went to #2 in the UK. Here TYP go back-and-forth between business attire during the verses and drag, when the sample kicks in. Blame it on the music.
My Little Damon: Friendship is Mattgic. A meme we don't understand, but enjoy anyway. [via BuzzFeed]
You will never look at a pickle the same way again. [via World's Best Ever]
Katy Perry reveals: "I was almost in The Help." [via Celebuzz]
A postcard from Pablo Picasso to Jean Cocteau. [via The Olympia Press]
More of a return to form than a comeback, today's oldie-but-goodie video by LL Cool J made the haters eat their own words when it went gold and LL won a Grammy in 1992. Those ballads on his previous album hadn't really softened up the New York rapper at all. Still, he hadn't gone all gansta -- when grandma interrupts LL's basement workout at the end of the clip to remind him to take out the garbage, we'll bet he obliged.
DJ, producer, remixer, recording artist and record label ownerDiplo can now add "author" to his long list of credentials. His new book, 128 Beats Per Minute, is a "visual guide to music, culture and everything in between." While photographer Shane McCauley captures his world-wide travels, Diplo describes the action with Tweets, playlists and more. Here's a video clip that should give you a taste and you can pick up a copy here. There's going to be a photo exhibit and book-release party this Saturday, April 7th, 7 p.m., at Milk Gallery (450 West 13th Street) and an afterparty at Le Bain (444 West 13th Street) with DJs Jim-E Starck and LLoydski.
We haven't done a 5 Under $50 round-up in a while, so first off, apologies. To make it up you to you, we decided to double-up today and find you a whopping 10 items under $50!
"I Like Cats" sweatshirt, $26, available here.
Lazy Oaf notebook, £3.50 ($5.50), available here.
ASOS mini skirt, $26.86, available here.
Jack Wills Ashenhurst umbrella, $29.99, available here.
Ear cuff, $9, available here.
NARS pure matte lipstick, $25, available here.
Nothing Major T-shirt designed by Ryan Duggan, $30, available here.
Woop Dee Doo X Tom Polo tea towel, $40, available here.
Dee & Ray top, $49, available here.
Here's the new Scissor Sisters single, "Only the Horses," from their upcoming album Magic Hour produced by the band with Calvin Harris and Boys Noize. Don't forget that tickets for their Bowery Ballroom show on May 8 are on sale here now.
Barbie launched her fifth presidential bid wearing Chris Benz. You better WORK! [Fashionista]
In not terribly suprising news, PETA has issued a heavy-handed response to Kanye's nod to them in his new track, "Theraflu." [Elle]
Victoria Beckham looks "manga-chic" on the new cover of Harper's Bazaar China. [Fashionista]
Yves Saint Laurent will be launching an eyewear line this month. [WWD]
Karl Lagerfeld is designing VIP helicopters. [WWD]
Renée Zellweger rocks a 1920s turban (and an unusual facial expression) on the new cover of Harper's Bazaar Russia. [Huffington Post]
Last night, Champagne brand Nicolas Feuillatte hosted a little bash at Tribeca's Parlor on behalf of fashion line Wren's FW 2012 collection. Guests like Elle's Joe Zee and fashion plate Michelle Harper
were treated to racks of cool clothes to gawk at (as well as a few
models who stood by the bar, one of which wore a leopard-printed jacket
that we died for) while DJ Tennessee Thomas spun some of our
favorite throwback tunes. Before long, the party's patrons were gathered
into the venue's viewing room, where a short film featuring fashion
wunderkind Tavi Gevinson adorned in some of Wren's fetching frocks premièred (see the film and stills below). The film, directed by Maximilla Lukacs and Citizen Band's Sarah Sophie Flicker,
found Tavi looking dreamy while waltzing along some trees, as well as
singing a cool and creepy song called "Beware Of Young Girls," which
acted as the short flick's title.
We stood next to Thomas while watching the piece and got the British beauty's thoughts on the film. "Well, Dory Previn [who wrote "Beware Of Young Girls"] is one of my favorite songwriters," the downtown favorite told us. "She was married to Andre Previn, who left her for Mia Farrow, and the song is about a 24 year-old Mia Farrow coming around to her house with daisies -- if you read the lyrics, it also talks about how they were friends." We love a good history lesson, especially when its filled with classic Hollywood drama. Check out these photos from Billy Farell Agency from the evening.
Click to enlarge image
Click to enlarge image
Click to enlarge image
The bear-like Jewish guy with the large glasses, always color-coordinated with his shirt, standing on Hudson Street? That's Ed Schoenfeld, seasoned restaurateur, expert on Chinese cuisine, and right now, wrangler of the hottest seats in the city. His restaurant, Red Farm, is so hot that a line snakes around the corner at night, and people continually crowd the doorway even during the day when it isn't open. I sat down with "Eddie" to talk about that unending queue, his early days in the biz, and the rampant rumors about Red Farm's expansion.
Tell me about when you got your start in the business.
I started at the top, at Uncle Tai's Hunan Yuan, a four-star Chinese restaurant. I was in my early twenties, and there I was at the front door. As a captain/headwaiter in the 1970's I got to the point where I was making $2,000 a week in cash gratuities. It was twenty-four months after I graduated from high school; my hair was out to here and my beard down to there. I definitely looked like a hippie. My employer, David Keh, didn't ask me to cut my hair or beard, but he did put me in a tuxedo. And he had very little taste so he put me in a blue-patterned polyester tuxedo.
Oh my Lord.
With fake velvet lapels and a blue ruffled shirt and a bow tie.
You must have looked like you were going to the prom.
More like Bozo the clown.
Why don't you think there is a four-star Chinese restaurant in NY today?
The staff doesn't exist and the ingredients don't exist. And the public doesn't know what it is. They don't demand it and the critics don't understand it. A great Chinese chef has no incentive to come to this part of the world. There is a lot of money in Asia, and chefs are appreciated and they can make twice as much money there than they can here. Why would they come here? I mean, it would be like being married to a guy who doesn't want to have sex with you. What for? There's no reason for it.
What's the average wait for a table at Red Farm right now?
It gets to two hours very fast. On the weekends you'd better be here at 5:00pm. And by the time we hit 7:30pm, the wait is often longer.
How many people are you turning away? And how many covers are you doing in the meantime?
Well, we have about 40 seats and the other night I did 199 covers. A week ago Saturday - we're open for brunch on Saturday - we did 360 meals combined lunch and dinner. So I turned the room nine times.
So how many people per night are out of luck?
500 per night?
There are nights that we turn away only 250. And we've had a few nights that we've turned away 800. We've been turning away two or three thousand a week, even before the New York Times review. I tend to exaggerate a little but I don't think I'm exaggerating this here.
It takes a brave man to deal with that line.... How do you work it without pissing people off?
It's not just the line. It's the phone and it's the door it's.... you know, the Japanese have this wonderful word, it's 'omotenashi,' it's a word to describe the way that you feel when you give selfless hospitality to people. There is some kind of higher spiritual good that comes out of treating people well and that combined with a nice place is what makes a really good restaurant. And in order to do the best that you can, you talk to people in that kind of way and in a very genuine manner. Last night by 6:30pm I had 30 parties on my wait list. About 7:45pm, a man comes in...it was the health department. He wanted to sit at a table for four for 2 ½ hours. I had 25 parties I had to blow off! So I gave them my card, said, 'I'm really sorry, the health department came in and we weren't able to process the line like usual. I can't accommodate you, so here's my card. Please call me and I'll actually make a reservation for you and I'll buy you an appetizer.' Those are opportunities to make that person into a better customer than they would be normally. The problem is that the business is so relentless, so sometimes it's intense and hard. There are some nights that I'm just matter-of-fact and some people walk away saying, 'Oh he was an imperious asshole.' And, you know what? I probably was.
[We are interrupted by customers walking in hoping to have lunch.]
Sorry, we're closed. Dinner only.
How many times a day do you get that?
And there are more people right behind them...
So all day long you're turning people away, even when you're not open for lunch?
Yep. And my chef won't open for lunch.
Not yet? Or is that a never?
It better not be 'never' because we're moving downstairs.
I was going to say 'rumor has it.' When is that happening?
Well, we're taking over the space. You shouldn't write about it because I don't know if the people downstairs know, but then again, I don't think they'll be reading you anyway. We've actually taken over the space legally. It's our space, but part of the deal is that we've rented it back to them for three months. So we take it over June 1st. It's going to take us a few months to do it over. So by September 1st, middle of August, we'll have that space.
How many seats do you think it'll have?
It's going to be kitchen space and a bar. Maybe a lounge, we're not quite sure about that.
But there will be nowhere for people to wash their clothes anymore in this neighborhood. The West Village is going stink like B.O.!
Well, we're not sure but we're going to keep two washing machines if we can.
Oh, how fun. Just as décor?
If we're keeping them, we're gonna use them. I'll have a Chinese Laundromat! And we'll probably keep the storefront. It will say, 'laundry.' I actually would like to have the bar hidden in the back, with the kitchen in the front. Right now the reason we don't do lunch is that we're so busy at night and our kitchen is so small, and we have very little storage space. And that's the same problem for take-out. So the extra space will increase our cooking capacity. That will give us what we need in order to do lunch or take-out. And take-out was the whole idea of Red Farm in the first place.
So is that still going to happen?
I hope so. I just saw a restaurant yesterday that I want. We want to keep on doing restaurants.
Is that the Upper West Side Red Farm I heard about?
I'm not officially commenting on that. But if we were to do a restaurant on the Upper West Side, it would be one that included delivery. So we would then have the ability to deliver to the Lower West and the Upper West. I think we'll have a lot of opportunities anyway. The man who's in charge of all the real estate in Grand Central Station--the guy who created South Street Seaport--he's been bugging me to take a space. A space in Grand Central for us! But, we'll see. I can only do so much.
Denim emporium 3x1's normally calm and collected Mercer space was transformed
into a killer club-like party last night in celebration of the brand's new limited
edition skateboards, a collaboration with famed photographer Ben Watts that finds
Jessica Hart, Lake Bell, Chanel Iman and more on the dashing decks. We wondered
if Watts was a boarder himself? "Well, the skateboards were 3x1's idea -- you can't
skateboard with these babies," he told us with a smile, referring to his amazing blue
suede slippers. Touché, Ben.
We said our goodbyes to the evening's guest of honor then danced our way
around the rest of the party thanks to PAPERMAG favorite DJ Chelsea Leyland, who
turned the space out with some bass-bumping tunes while Brandee Brown, Jenne
Lombardo and others danced along. Meanwhile, the real-life Winklevosses (that would be Tyler and Cameron) hung in the back corner with some lady friends while the beautiful Jessica Hart continually posed for pics, not to be outmatched by the also-beautiful Elsa Hosk, who chatted it
up with an entourage-heavy Jude Law. Future couple perhaps? Probably not but
we can dream.
The last time anyone was able to say, "I'm going to see the new Whit Stillman movie," Bill Clinton was president, the Backstreet Boys were charming TRL audiences, and Stillman-acolyte Lena Dunham was only in the sixth grade. It's been 14 years since the 60-year-old writer-director's last film, 1998'sThe Last Days of Disco, but now Stillman's back on the indie-cinema circuit with Damsels in Distress, a new comedy in theaters today in New York and Los Angeles. Film fans talk about Stillman's movies, which also include Metropolitan (1990) and Barcelona (1994), in reverent tones usually reserved for directors like Woody Allen or Preston Sturges; Damsels in Distress is a wit-packed reminder of why Stillman's work is so celebrated. Starring mumblecore heroine Greta Gerwig as a tap-dancing college student with an interest in starting a dance craze and preventing her classmates at Seven Oaks (a fictional East Coast school) from committing suicide, Damsels shows that Stillman is still the master of WASPy comedies of manners (apologies to Wes Anderson). Earlier this week, Stillman talked with PAPERMAG about making Damsels, Dunkin' Donuts coffee, his next movie (about the music scene in Jamaica) and the best place to get a cocktail in NYC.
In the elevator after the screening I attended, a handful of film critics were arguing about which school Damsels in Distress was satirizing --
Oh, they missed the point entirely.
It didn't cross my mind that you might be satirizing a particular school until I heard them talking about it. So I take it that wasn't your intention?
No, I didn't have a particular school in mind.
Before the elevator reached the ground floor, they came to a consensus. Can you guess which school they thought you were sending up?
You got it.
It's the school most like the one in the film. In fact, early on, one investor was interested in the script because she went to Dartmouth and thought the movie was about her alma mater.
Greta Gerwig and Adam Brody in Damsels in Distress.
Like in all your other films, dancing figures prominently in Damsels in Distress. Beyond the entertainment value of watching people dance on screen, what's the significance of dancing on film to you?
I think you nailed it. It's just a way of more emotionally, more physically, more cinematically getting the characters together and expressing something. And in this case it goes beyond that because the dance sequences express the joy in coming out of discouragement, and finding the path that will lead you forward in a constructive way, which is what Violet [Greta Gerwig] has found, and so things are looking up. And then she also wants to propagate something creative and constructive that has a positive effect in the world, and that's to start a dance craze.
In the film you're presenting characters in their early-20s who experience existential despair to the point of contemplating suicide. What interests you in feelings of despair in characters at that particular age?
It's an age that's so dangerous for people. I mean, that there's so much opportunity, not that there's so much danger. Some severe mental conditions become apparent at that age. I think it's almost a cliché that very serious psychological problems emerge in junior year of college. That's the age Violet is at, and she's a girl who had some psychological problems when she was smaller, which she got over. And I think in film, there's sort of the question of, if there's depression or discouragement or a tailspin, if it's from a breakup, I think generally you can survive breakups, but you might not be able to survive some other kind of tailspin. And it seems that in that key period of identity formation from age 16 to age 24, people have the opportunity to come out of it with a kind of identity that really works, that's really functional, that's setting themselves up for their life, or without it that can meet up with some heavy weather that they might not survive.
Aubrey Plaza and Nick Blaemire in Damsels in Distress.
How long were you at work on the script for Damsels in Distress? Also, I read that you finished a draft while in Virginia City. What were you doing working there?
Do you have a connection with that?
I spent time nearby at Lake Tahoe as a kid, and I grew up watching a lot of Bonanza reruns, and they always went to Virginia City on that show.
Yeah, if you're around Lake Tahoe or Carson Valley, it's kind of natural to visit Virginia City. And I had all those memories of Bonanza and Mark Twain. I had a great-great-grandfather from San Francisco who'd go there and give speeches in the old mining days. And I actually didn't write it there. I turned it in, and then about a month later after the Sundance festival I happened to be traveling around that part of Nevada, and I just happened to be visiting Virginia City, and it's kind of a very poignant time, because in January there's nobody visiting, and at 4:30 in the afternoon the sun's going down and the wind's kicking up. It's not a ghost town, but there's a ghost town feeling. And I got a call from my friends at Castle Rock, and they loved the script and they wanted to go ahead with the film. It was really exciting.
So by that point, how long had you been working on the Damsels script?
I'd only been working on it, on and off, for a few years, which for me is very little. Because [doing my own features], they don't really pay me, and I had to earn a living so I was writing other scripts for money. It really was a quick script for me to write. The quickest script I've written.
When you were writing these other scripts for money, were they things were enjoying or were proud --
Yes, I was. And they were all things I was sincerely doing. Usually they were ideas I'd pitched and followed up on. I've never had a cynical film or TV writing assignment. Some of the TV assignments, they do make it a little less personal, because they generally give you ground rules of what they want. And you'll say, "I'd like to try it this way," and they'll say, "No, we want it this way."
Greta Gerwig and Analeigh Tipton in Damsels in Distress.
Speaking of writing methods, I've read that you do a lot of writing at Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts makes a prominent cameo in Damsels, was that product placement or just a nod to your favorite writing spot?
It's a nod to my favorite coffee! I really like Dunkin' Donuts coffee and I sometimes jokingly say I left the United States for France when French roast coffee took over the United States. There's a kind of coffee-shop coffee that I'd grown up on, that mild American coffee, which I really like, then all of a sudden everything was very Starbucksy. I hate that Starbucks coffee. I mean, I hate their brewed coffee. It's perfectly fine as an espresso. When I came back to the States on trips, when my daughter came back to school here, I discovered Dunkin' Donuts coffee. And I said, "Oh, good coffee is back and it's all over the place!" And so I had a Dunkin' Donuts near me in Greenwich Village, and they opened at 5 and they had plugs and people left me in peace and I could have my favorite coffee and write away, until the transvestites took it over.
There's a generation of filmmakers who cite you as a major influence, including Lena Dunham, who read for Heather in Damsels and ended up helping out with the production. What's your relationship like with these younger filmmakers who hold you in such high esteem?
It's kind of been a one-way street, because they've helped me a lot, and I haven't done much for them. It was kind of a reverse pied piper on the shoot because we had all these people trained in mumblecore and low-budget films who were putting the production together, and I was just relying on what they were doing. I mean, I had some tricks left over from the '90s, but they way they put the production together, it really got fantastic results at a much more economic cost level. And we had a really talented cinematographer, Doug Emmett, who sort of trained in these kinds of films, and our producers also. And then having people like Greta in the cast was really good. And then there were these groups of friends, like Greta and Aubrey Plaza were friends, and Caitlin FitzGerald sort of became part of the Greta group. And Lena Dunham helped by introducing me to her producer. I really regret that Lena's not in the film. There was a cameo she was going to play, but she couldn't because she was working on her TV show.
Caitlin FitzGerald and Ryan Metcalf in Damsels in Distress.
Several of the actors in your cast have credits like The O.C. and Gossip Girl on their resumes. Do you watch any of these shows? How did you come to know these actors?
I think it was a little bit after the fact. We really tried to see Hugo Becker in Gossip Girl when he was cast. That was happening alongside the film. So it's not like we saw him in that and cast him that way. I was completely unaware of the television work people had done.
There's a book of scholarly essays about your movies called Doomed Bourgeois in Love. Have you ever cracked that book open?
Yeah, I'm really grateful they did that. It's a nice book.
Is there anything you can share about your next project?
I'm trying to keep the next one under wraps. I'm hoping to do the Jamaican one very soon, and I think doing this film has shown me the path of how to do it. So all of my trunk scripts, I'll rewrite them based on what I've learned from this film.
OK, let's end with some lightning round questions. What's the last great book you've read?
I'm reading a book right now called Fighter Pilot by Robin Olds. He was friends with my parents. And his wife was Ella Raines, the actress, who was in Preston Sturges' Hail the Conquering Hero. He was in air raids in both the Second World War and the Vietnam War. It's a fascinating story.
What movie have you seen more times than any other?
It's a Wonderful Life.
What's your favorite dance craze?
I think the most fun dance craze is the Charleston. The tango or the Charleston.
Finally, where's the best place to get a cocktail in New York City?
Oh brother, I have a lot of opinions there. [long pause] Cocktails. Good question. [longer pause] I hate promoting some of these places. Lemme see. [pause] The Art Bar, on Eighth Avenue in the Village. Great happy hour specials.
Whit Stillman's Damsels in Distress opens today in theaters in New York and Los Angeles.
1. An "art car tank" that gives out books, not bombs. [Laughing Squid]
2. Competitive eating champ Kobayashi scarfed down 25 peeps in 30 seconds. [Buzzfeed]
3. These "morning-after" photos of German nightclubs taken by Giesermann André and Daniel Schulz make us feel depressed. [Flavorwire]
4. Nicole Kidman is in talks to play Grace Kelly in a new biopic. [Huffington Post]
5. Marc Jacobs released a new scent, Dot, which is mean to be a sister accompaniment to his pre-existing fragrances, Daisy and Lola. The cutesy packaging resembles a ladybug and is supposed to smell like dragon fruit, red berries, honeysuckle and coconut water, among other notes. [Refinery 29 via WWD]
6. Check out these sushi-making machines shown at this year's World Food and Beverage Great Expo 2012 held in Tokyo. [Eater]
7. Snoop D-O-G-G has a new book out made from his Kingsize Slims rolling papers. Can you guess what the book is called? That's right, Rolling Papers. [Gawker]
8. Texts from a dog. [Daily What via Buzzfeed]
In honor of Good Friday, we're looking back at some of our favorite big and small-screen Jesuses. Here's our guide to the hottest, holiest and most downright-hilarious celebrity J.C.s of all time.
Victor Garber, Godspell
You didn't realize Jesus was a superhero clown in his spare time, did you? Luckily, the young Victor Garber was hot enough to make this mildly blasphemous take on the son of God work.
Christian Bale, Mary, Mother of Christ
The hair is a little contemporary for our tastes. We see Jesus as having more J.Lo-esque locks. It should be shoulder-length and chestnut. With honey highlights.
Jeremy Sisto, Jesus
Yes, even Elton from Clueless has played the Son.
Robert Powell, Jesus of Nazareth
Max von Sydow, The Greatest Story Ever Told
Ted Neeley, Jesus Christ Superstar
Venice Beach Jesus.
Justin Theroux, The Ten
Matthew Modine, Mary
H.B. Warner, King of Kings
Bearded lady Jesus. [Fun fact: Warner also played tortured druggist Mr. Gower in It's a Wonderful Life. Who knew?!]
Jeffrey Hunter, King of Kings
Bain de Soleil Jesus.
Henry Ian Cusick, The Gospel of John
Desmond-from-Lost Jesus. Hey brother.
Willem Dafoe, The Last Temptation of Christ
We'll have what Jesus is having.
Jim Caviezel, Passion of the Christ
We hate promoting Mel Gibson's descent into darkness, but Caviezel is definitely the hottest on-screen Jesus of all time.
Will Ferrell, Superstar
Donald Sutherland, Johnny Got His Gun
L train Jesus (also acceptable: 'Williamsburg Summertime Jesus').
In case you weren't planning on catching Titantic 3D, checking out the Pussy Faggot three-year anniversary party or getting trashed at your friend's "pop-up gallery opening" this weekend, well then, bully for you because it probably means you're celebrating Passover and/or Easter. That said, if sitting around a seder table with your extended family or going to church isn't your jam, that's okay too! We've got you covered with some fun ways to celebrate the holidays this year around the country. (Something tells us these suggestions would be Portlandia-approved.)
For those of us who don't live near our families (or who would rather be assholes and decline our great aunt's seder invite in favor of "hipper" options), "Jewish chic" restaurants like Brooklyn's Mile End, Manhattan's Joe Doe, Chicago's Eleven City Diner and San Francisco's Wise Sons Deli are all hosting seders this year, serving dishes like gourmet charoset and Manischewitz rum punch. For that extra cool factor (since nothing screams cool more than Passover), San Francisco's Old World Food Truck is setting up a Pop-Up Seder at La Victoria Bakery & Cafe for both nights of the holiday.
If you've already accepted a seder invitation (or, better yet, are hosting your own) and would prefer to avoid the Manischewitz aisle at your supermarket this year, there's a whole slew of "artisanal Passover treats" (Ed note: Yeah, we kind of feel like a jerk for using that term -- but, hey! these products are delicious so just go with it) to choose from, assuming you live in a city or hipster enclave, that is. If you happen to live in Brooklyn, forgo the gelatinous unsightly mess that is most gefilte fish in favor of a gourmet (and sustainable!) version made from ground whitefish, pike and Pacific salmon courtesy of the folks behind Gefilteria. What's more, this upscale fish loaf enterprise sells their wares from a "modern day pushcart" to enhance the whole hipster shtetl effect. As for the dessert course, when shopping for macaroons (the coconut, not the French variety, doofus!) forget the dry, cardboard-tasting store kind and go for the deliciously moist cookies at NYC's Danny Macaroons or Chicago's Sweet Mandy B's bakery (try the chocolate-dipped, dried cherry version...trust us). For something a little less conventional, Los Angeles' LA Creamery has whipped up two Passover ice cream flavors: milk chocolate with coconut macaroons and vanilla bean with chocolate covered matzoh. (We cannot verify whether any of this stuff is Kosher for Passover but...we think they are?)
Finally, if you practice the irreverent, Heeb-reading strain of Judaism and would rather use the holiday as an excuse to get shitfaced, New York's Hudson Terrace is the site this year for the 9th Annual Official Kosher for Passover Matzah Ball.
Adult Easter Egg Hunts
After you've worked up an appetite hunting for eggs, why not treat yourself to something more gourmet than an (admittedly delicious) Cadbury Creme? Go full-throttle and make/order some scotch eggs (they're trendy, we hear) or indulge in some of the chocolate kind like the luscious concoctions made by San Francisco's Christopher Elbow Artisanal Chocolates that come in flavors like raspberry caramel, passion fruit, and fleur de sel caramel.
Jews aren't the only ones who can use a deeply religious holiday as a reason to get down. Gentiles have plenty of options this year to rage after their Easter brunches: Brooklynites can head over to Bounce Attack, a New Orleans-style dance party at The Morgan featuring tunes by Nicky Da B (watch this to get an idea) and DJ Rusty Lazer. Meanwhile, Austin folks can check out the "Easter Romp" at the Butterfly Bar at The Vortex, which will feature an Easter egg hunt, a petting zoo with "live baby animals and sexy humans," an Easter bonnet contest and the chance to roast marshmallow Peeps over an open fire.
To help get you in the mood, check out this super cut of SBtB audience members wooing at inappropriate moments. (Disregard the last clip with Candace Cameron Bure a.k.a. DJ from Full House...we're not sure where that's from but it ain't Bayside High.)