Articles on this Page
- 02/24/15--07:49: _Rihanna Shares a Ne...
- 02/24/15--09:58: _Gia Coppola Models ...
- 02/24/15--12:00: _Watch Best Coast's ...
- 02/24/15--12:20: _Is This Kanye West'...
- 02/24/15--12:35: _Listen to Big Sean ...
- 02/24/15--14:00: _Zendaya Has the Per...
- 02/24/15--15:00: _The Pee-Wee Herman ...
- 02/25/15--08:30: _Erykah Badu's Cameo...
- 02/25/15--10:40: _The 25 Best Bitchy ...
- 02/25/15--11:30: _Is a Jacked Berlin-...
- 02/25/15--13:00: _Your New Favorite W...
- 02/25/15--13:30: _Listen to Nick Diam...
- 02/25/15--13:45: _A$AP Ferg and Cara ...
- 02/25/15--14:21: _Watch Kanye West Pe...
- 02/25/15--17:30: _Alessandro Michele'...
- 02/26/15--08:54: _Jay Z Had the Perfe...
- 02/26/15--09:00: _#Blessed: A Fashion...
- 02/26/15--10:00: _This Drunk Crustace...
- 02/26/15--12:02: _Marc Jacobs to Youn...
- 02/26/15--13:45: _Do You Need an Inst...
- 02/24/15--09:58: Gia Coppola Models Rodarte x Superga's Dreamy Collaboration
- 02/24/15--12:00: Watch Best Coast's Ambient Music Video for "California Nights"
- 02/24/15--12:20: Is This Kanye West's Secret Tumblr?
- 02/24/15--12:35: Listen to Big Sean Freestyle Over Beyoncé's "Me, Myself and I"
- 02/24/15--15:00: The Pee-Wee Herman / Judd Apatow Movie is Finally Happening
- 02/25/15--08:30: Erykah Badu's Cameo On a Local New Station Is the Best
- 02/25/15--10:40: The 25 Best Bitchy Remarks of All Time
- 02/25/15--13:30: Listen to Nick Diamonds' New Single, "The Sting"
- 02/25/15--17:30: Alessandro Michele's Women's Debut at Gucci Was Magic
- 02/26/15--08:54: Jay Z Had the Perfect Reaction to Meeting His SNL Impersonator
- 02/26/15--09:00: #Blessed: A Fashion Field Pilgrimage to Salvation Mountain
- 02/26/15--10:00: This Drunk Crustacean Calendar Really Speaks to Us
- 02/26/15--12:02: Marc Jacobs to Young Designers: "It's style with no substance"
- 02/26/15--13:45: Do You Need an Instagram Intervention?
BBC 1 Radio just premiered a new Rihanna track called "Toward the Sun." While the song won't be appearing on her upcoming album, it will be on the soundtrack for a new Dreamworks animated film, Home. Reportedly, Rihanna is producing an entire concept album for the film and will also voice one of the animated characters. Listen to the sweeping movie track, "Toward the Sun," above.
Our A-Z Guide to Rihanna
The Rih Tree: A Guide to Rihanna's Inner Circle
Rihanna and Weed: An Instagram Love Story
Queen of capturing artful teen angst, Gia Coppola is now the face Rodarte x Superga's new collaboration. Rodarte's Kate and Laura Mulleavy have brought their cool to the classic Superga shoe silhouette, and with leather, denim and mermaid-y netting details, Gia Coppola fully embodies the dreamy collaboration. Long time friends of the Rodarte duo, Coppola told Style.com, "I thought they were just supercool girls because they loved pop culture and California in the same way that I did. I wear Supergas every day and I love Rodarte so much, I couldn't ask for a better pairing in my world." The campaign's video is also a dream filled with washed-out, California vibes. Watch the video, above, and see the photos from Gia Coppola's Rodarte x Superga campaign, below.
Rodarte at Skywalker Ranch
Director Gia Coppola Photographs the Young, Hot Cast of her Debut Film, Palo Alto
Speaking of California cool, our foremost purveyor of chill West Coast vibes, Best Coast is back with a new single, "California Nights." Also the title of their upcoming album, the visuals for "California Nights" amount of a montage of pretty, kaleidoscopic scenes of typical California things like cacti and palm trees. And a cute cat! Best Coast has also shared the tracklist for their new album, below.
01 "Feeling O.K."
02 "Fine Without You"
03 "Heaven Sent"
04 "In My Eyes"
05 "So Unaware"
06 "When Will I Change"
08 "California Nights"
09 "Fading Fast"
10 "Run Through My Head"
11 "Sleep Won't Ever Come"
12 "Wasted Time"
Way back in the ancient time of 2009, Kanye
West had a blog on his website. This
blog was amazing. Mostly images of Versace sofas, Nike Air
MAGs and all-caps screeds, Kanye's old blog was my Tumblr before Tumblr and a source for all
things dope and cool. It's no longer online, but here's a screen shot someone took of a
classic Kanye rant about (then) not having a Twitter account:
In a recent Style.com interview, when asked what influenced his newest collection for Adidas, West responded: "....I'm not going to try and act like I was influenced by a fucking dog walking down the street that broke its ankle that I had a heartfelt discussion with. I had a heartfelt discussion with all of these fucking Helmut Lang images that I stared at for so many years. I had a heartfelt discussion with my Tumblr."
Wait a minute, Kanye West has a Tumblr? Since the interview, hypebeasts and Yeezus disciples all over the internet have been trying to wrap their Supreme-obsessed heads around this possibility. And I, my friends, have taken time out of my recovery process to attempt to search for that Tumblr. Like a wise man bearing gifts, I present to you what I have found:
The obvious choices would be simple guesses like "kanyewest.tumblr.com" or "kanye.tumblr.com." Just "Kanye" is most likely not him, as it boasts a single photo from the 808's & Heartbreaks era, and if I had to guess, that's probably not Kanye's favorite era of himself. However, the apparently empty "kanyewest.tumblr.com" could possibly be him. It's what folks on Tumblr call a "hoarded URL" -- one you snap up before anyone else can claim it and then never do anything with. Also of note, on the always-reliable Kanye To The message boards, 'Ye fans have speculated that this password-protected Tumblr, "kanyeomariwest.tumblr.com" is the real thing. Good luck guessing the password.
Passwordless, I continued with more straightforward choices, such as "donda.tumblr.com" and "yeezus.tumblr.com," but all felt like dead ends. So I got in tune with my inner-Yeezus: If I wanted to find Kanye's blog, I must think like Kanye's blog. Though it could take days, I knew sifting through tags like "aesthetic", "architecture", "god", "visuals", "ballerinas" might bring me closer to finding Tumbye than any obvious vanity URLs might. And I think I was right, as these three all felt like very real possibilities.
The aesthetic of this blog is good enough to potentially be Kanye's tumblr -- it's mostly design, architecture and Margiela masks. However, this random-style Tumblr template feels wrong. It seems like Kanye would choose a layout that is more cohesive and consistent.
The URL of this blog doesn't necessarily scream "Kanye scream" to me but the overall aesthetic does. The images on this tumblr are a bit more abstract and look the way that Yeezus sounds. Plus, there are images of Aleali May, who is a stylist in Kanye's circle.
Okay, hear me out on this one. I know it looks like just a Tumblr of marble. But it's so much more than that. Kanye LOVES marble! If you were Kanye, YOU WOULD MAKE A BLOG LIKE THIS! Let's not forget this tweet:
I'm just saying he's a creative. A creative that loves marble.
WAS THIS IT?! WOLVES! Kanye loves wolves right now!! The first several images of the blog hold strong to the Ye aesthetic, however, it starts to get a little sus with posts about Kendall and Gigi Hadid. Still, there were a whole world of very-Kanye tags I hadn't even explored, including designers and artists that Kanye likes. Those names would DEFINITELY lead me to the holy grail. I mean, if Kanye has a Tumblr he's definitely gonna tag his favorite artists, right? I searched "Claudio Silvestrin," the architect who designed Kanye's minimal loft in Soho. It turned out to be the golden ticket that led me straight to the gates of heaven, ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, my personal conclusion for what is possibly Kanye West's blog:
What does the URL mean? I have no idea. Maybe that Kanye has, and will, always feel like a kid? Maybe the "23" stands for the significance of Jordan when he was a kid in Chicago?
Big Sean is finally having his moment in the sun with the release of his fourth studio album, Dark Sky Paradise. The album, which we've heard quite a few, excellent tracks off of, is out today and to celebrate, Sean has shared a freestyle over his favorite Beyoncé's track, "Me, Myself and I." This one goes out to everyone who pirated his new album, says Sean. Listen, above.
On Monday night during E!'s Fashion Police Oscars special, co-host Giuliana Rancic made some dumb, insensitive comments about actress Zendaya Coleman's choice to wear faux locs to the award show. Rancic said she thought the actress' hair made her look like she smelled of patchouli oil and weed. Almost instantly, Twitter exploded with negative feedback towards the host, calling her remarks racist and tasteless. On Tuesday morning, Zendaya responded to Rancic's remarks via an open letter on Instagram:
There is a fine line between what is funny and disrespectful. Someone said something about my hair at the Oscars that left me in awe. Not because I was relishing in rave outfit reviews, but because I was hit with ignorant slurs and pure disrespect. To say that an 18 year old young woman with locs must smell of patchouli oil or "weed" is not only a large stereotype but outrageously offensive.
She proceeded to list accomplished scholars, actresses, singers, and authors who all wear the hairstyle and suggested the co-host educate herself before "opening your mouth".
There is already harsh criticism of African American hair in society without the help of ignorant people who choose to judge others based on the curl of their hair. My wearing my hair in locs on an Oscar red carpet was to showcase them in a positive light, to remind people of color that our hair is good enough. To me locs are a symbol of strength and beauty, almost like a lion's mane.
Rancic has since issued an apology on Twitter for her offensive remarks claiming her critique "had nothing to do with race." Unfortunately, the damage has already been done. Rancic's critique is only the latest example of the continuous miseducation of mainstream media and the value of African American hair. Last year, People magazine's Stylewatch section critiqued singer Ciara's faux locs for not being 'elegant' enough for her then-impending wedding to rapper Future (who also sports the hairstyle). People removed their remarks from the review but not before outrage from the public ensued.
Locs are traditionally associated with the African American community due to its roots in Rastafarian culture. The hairstyle can represent a symbolic bond to religion and strength, and Bob Marley made locs a mainstream fashion trend. Marley's choice to smoke weed, however, is where mainstream culture created the identifiers of the hairstyle. But it's the media's responsibility to be accountable for their remarks, in this case, especially because Rancic praised 17-year old Kylie Jenner earlier this month on Fashion Police for the same hairstyle citing it as "edgy."
See Zendaya's full response below:
Erykah Badu: Singer, artist, fashion muse, former Paper cover girl ... ubiquitous local news star? Making what is her second-known random appearance during a remote news segment, Badu popped up in a local CBS Dallas' station's report about weather-caused delays at the Dallas airport. Asked about her waylaid flight to Los Angeles, Badu remarks "it's hard out here for a pimp." Truer words have never been spoken. Watch above.
Most famous people generally mind their P's and Q's and try to not to make waves with their public utterances for fear of bad press. But occasionally, they slip up--thank God--and blurt their true hateful feelings. And when famous people uncork their mouths, it makes your everyday bitch look like an amateur. Here are my 25 favorite nasty comments of all time, courtesy of notable names dishing a variety of things (like each other). I'm too in awe of these remarks to even be jealous.
"There is no there there." -- Gertrude Stein about Oakland
"She looks like a truck driver in drag." -- Truman Capote on Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann
"She doesn't write, she types." -- Gore Vidal on Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann.
"Every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'." -- author Mary McCarthy, about author Lillian Hellman
"Faye Dunaway needs a step ladder to sniff Bette Davis's ass." -- James Woods, who worked with both of them
"Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn't mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor." -- Joan Rivers
"Madonna has just lost 30 pounds--she shaved her legs." -- Joan Rivers
"Let's be blunt. Yesterday's Evita is tomorrow's Velveeta." -- Fashion critic Mr. Blackwell on Madonna
"A Botox'd cockatoo in a painting by Dali." -- Mr. Blackwell describing Melanie Griffith
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." -- Dorothy Parker reviewing Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." -- Dorothy Parker
"She runs the gamut of emotions, from A to B." -- Dorothy Parker about Katharine Hepburn
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen. He and Soon-Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives." -- David Letterman
"She's so dumb it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes." -- Joey Adams joke
"Unfortunately, he was about as deep as a melted ice cube" -- Times reporter Gail Collins on failed politico John Edwards
"She's so white, she's invisible."-- Bette Midler on milky singer Karen Carpenter
"Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow" -- Noel Coward on the survival probability of a then-hot actor
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." -- Oscar Wilde
"Isn't it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?"-- David Niven after a surprise streaker ran by, flashing everything, on the 1974 Oscar telecast
"Linda arrives at first rehearsal with cosmetic surgery tape over and under her eyelids and underneath her chin. She also has the weirdest collagen-enhanced lips I've ever seen. They make her look like a gargoyle when she smiles."-- Joan Collins on rehearsing the play Legends with Linda Evans in 2006
"She's been hit with the ugly stick. You just want to say 'God bless and here's a Gillette razor'." -- Sharon Osbourne on Susan Boyle
"If Amanda Bynes finally takes the earrings out of her cheeks and blows a guy, there must be geysers of jizz shooting out of her face!" -- Kathy Griffin
"She's a vacuum with nipples." -- Otto Preminger on Marilyn Monroe
"She speaks five languages, and can't act in any of them." -- John Gielgud on Ingrid Bergman
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." -- Fran Lebowitz
Is a 22-year-old, muscle-y Austrian kid with Hello Kitty temporary tattoos on his face fashion's new It Boy?
Berlin-based artist -- and budding rapper -- Candy Ken (aka Jakob Kasimir) has been adding a flashy, technicolor, gender-bending vibe to the city's music and art scenes for a couple of years now but is poised to become the next big fashion muse/front row novelty after catching the eyes of designers like Nicola Formichetti and Jeremy Scott. After Formichetti first came across his Instagram feed last month, the Diesel designer immediately flew Ken to Milan to do a photo shoot for his soon-to-launch Japan-based fashion magazine, FREE. Upon looking through Ken's IG feed, it's not hard to understand what Formichetti finds so appealing: it's an eye-catching pastiche of masculine and feminine, of tiaras and nail art and jacked abs and bench presses.
His photos, like any of his six rap videos, can occasionally make Candy Ken seem like a Teutonic RiFF RAFF knock-off, which isn't incidental -- he's upfront about taking inspiration from the Houston MC and even has a song called "RiFF RAFF iS MA DADDY." But, like other European artists who take American cultural tropes and improbably create something fresh and exciting (see: Yung Lean), there's something compelling about his study in contrasts, Peter Pan-esque antics and DGAF attitude. We Skyped with the rapper, who was shooting two new music videos in the Philippines, to find out more about what the hell his deal is.
Who is Candy Ken?
There's normal Ken and Candy Ken. Ken is always supposed to be wearing blue and looking muscular, normal and basic but Candy Ken can do all the crazy things Ken is not allowed to do. He has everything he wants. He buys himself real Barbie dolls. He went to a butcher to buy Barbie girls, who come alive. He falls in love with them. He wants to leave them at the farm but they fall in love with him, too
Why are you so obsessed with Hello Kitty?
I look like this normal, crazy gym guy and I don't want to look like that. I love combining muscles and Hello Kitty, being white and wearing grillz -- doing things that aren't supposed to go together. I love Hello Kitty and it looks good on a boy. Right now I'm working on a hip-hop EP and on a Hello Kitty song. In April, I'll shoot the Hello Kitty music video. It's a love song. Nicola is talking to Hello Kitty to see if we can shoot at the store in Tokyo, wear costumes and a full-bodied Hello Kitty suit and run through the city. I'll cover my face with the tattoos and even get Hello Kitty contact lenses.
Tell us about how you met Nicola Formichetti.
He found me on Instagram and DMed me and said, "OMG I am such a big fan, I need to shoot you for my magazine." I first thought it was a joke, but he bought the ticket and flew me to Milan. He is coming out with a Japanese fashion magazine called FREE in March. While we were shooting, he took a photo of me with his phone and sent it to Jeremy Scott, who posted it to his Instagram. It was the biggest moment so far for me. I always say, "if you are real, they will find you." Real recognizes real.
Speaking of photo shoots, you actually started out as a photographer?
My whole life, I tried finding someone like Candy Ken to photograph and do music videos for, but I couldn't find them. I had to do it myself. I had people in front of the lens who bored me.
Do you consider yourself more as a performance artist?
I don't see myself as a musician. I'm trying to inspire people and work with the right people. It all began when I studied for a year in Wenatchee, Washington, which is two hours from Seattle. I played football and went to high school. In Germany, they teach you to get a job and a family. In the US, they said I could do whatever I want.
What kind of attention do you get when people see you?
Tourists always take pictures. The old Berliners, they don't care about anything. Kids respond well to me because they love the color, but their parents don't want them to look at me.
What artists are you inspired by?
Ai Weiwei is a big inspiration as a rebel. Here in Asia, I have to hide my nail polish and I can't wear jewelry because people aren't as open minded. I didn't realize how dangerous and homophobic people are in the rest of the world. If you live in Berlin for two years, you think you can be whatever you want.
What do you want to accomplish as Candy Ken?
My biggest goal is to inspire the right people. I know a lot of people think I'm just trying to provoke, but I'm not. I'm trying to get away from stereotypes and follow what my heart tells me and what really makes me happy. I'm trying to work with people like myself and find them. I just want to create music, music videos, films, magazines, photo shoots. I also want my own fashion collection -- like Hello Kitty.
After Kanye stormed the stage at this year's Grammys and after he chastised
Beck for not properly "repect[ing] artistry," a lot of us were left
wondering who (Beyoncé notwithstanding) can live up to his creative
standards? It seems like YACHT were also curious and took it upon themselves to find out.
The electro duo created a magic 8-ball-esque website, "Kanye, am I a real artist?,"
that lets you pose that question to Yeezy and receive 100% certified
authentic quotes in response. Spoiler alert: you're probably not.
Nick Diamonds, of Unicorns, Islands, Mr. Heavenly and Serial-theme fame, has a new solo album coming out May 26th called City of Quartz. Today we get the moody first single from that album, "The Sting," and we're feeling its dark riff and sneaky beat. Put it on repeat and have a moody office dance party.
Kanye West took time out from his secret Tumbling to perform his searing new single "All Day" (or, as we prefer to style it, "#ALLDAY"), at the BRIT Awards this evening. The performance included flames, an on-stage mosh pit, and an introduction by Kim Kardashian. Though we thought it seemed unlikely "All Day," which also features Travi$ Scott, would be included on Ye's new album when a version leaked online earlier this month, the fact that he performed it tonight seems like a indication that it made the cut. The performance starts at 1:20.
The Fader also has a bunch of GIFS of Taylor Swift Swift-ing hard to the performance here. Oh. Boy.
GIF via the Fader.
At today's Gucci show, recently appointed creative director Alessandro Michele proved that the enthusiastic response he received for his first menswear collection last month wasn't a fluke. We haven't been this worked up over Gucci since the Tom Ford era -- although Michele's style is practically the polar opposite of Ford's exercises in sexed-up high fashion seduction. Michele's vision of Gucci is absolutely modern, chic and free in its fluidity -- men dressing like women, women dressing like men and people whose gender we, frankly, didn't recognize wearing separates that seem to break the stereotypical rules of apparel.
The first look -- a sheer top over a below-the-knee skirt was sexy and dowdy simultaneously. The second look was one of our favorites: a green leather man-cut pants suit paired with brown suede shoes with Gucci's signature gold equestrian bit and a serious lady's handbag with chain strap. And let's not forget the wild toupee shoe which was cruelty-free in a season that has seen far too much fur.
Model Molly Blair, one of the runway standouts of the season, perhaps best embodies this new Gucci identity: She's part tomboy, part glamazon, confident and sinewy. But it was the final look that was the exclamation point on the show -- the trouser equivalent of the boyfriend jean in candy-apple red paired with a ruffled blouse that brought to mind classic Saint Laurent in aubergine, accessorized with bold rings and a new take on the classic Gucci logo belt. The new Gucci woman means business.
Jay Z is a man of very few, yet poignant words. His "You crazy for this one!" throwaway ad-lib on 2003's "99 Problems" still rings in my ears to this day. So naturally, when Jay Z finally met his SNL impersonator, Jay Pharaoh, at the SNL40 after-party, he handled it with the cool nonchalance of an album shout-out, paired with his patented laugh: "At the after-party," Pharaoh told PageSix, "Jay Z came up to me and said, 'What up, fake Jay Z, hahaha,' and he just walked off."
"Hahaha" -- Jay Z. Truer words have never been spoken.
Kenzo coat and skirt, The Way We Wore hat, Proenza Schouler shoes
Hair and makeup by David Tolls with Workgroup
Photo Assistant: Tom McKenzie
Stylist Assistant: Sue Choi
Model: Nora at Muse Management
In an interview with our own Mickey Boardman, Marc Jacobs revealed that he frequents Grindr from time-to-time (we have the receipts), but, apparently, the designer uses his smartphone for online dating and nothing else. Jacobs recently sat down with Suzy Menkes for Vogue and denounced "the whole social media thing."
"I am so appalled by the whole social media thing. I don't get it, it doesn't appeal to me, neither does a computer, or working on a laptop. I don't want to read a book on a device. I like a book with a hard cover, and text on a piece of paper. I like magazines. I don't care if I carry around 100lbs of magazines, I'd rather do that than look at them on the internet. I am just not of that generation. I get the allure of it, but it just doesn't appeal to me."He also had a shade-filled lecture ready for young designers:
"You know, I am an older person now, I'm going to be 52 in a couple of months. But I look at young fashion and it seems like it's all the same - the idea of what is edgy or cool. It's style with no substance; it doesn't really seem born of anything. I don't see the rebellion or edge in it. It just looks like a cliche: salad oil in the hair, Frankenstein shoes and the trappings of punk and all these other things."Despite Marc Jacobs' disparaging comments (and those of countless other established designers), there are promising talents who are using fashion's expanding boundaries and the internet to their advantage. Take BCALLA's latest collection, for example, which doesn't play by any rules. But if there's a lesson to be learned from all this, it's that Tumblr must be Marc Jacobs' worst nightmare.
Instagram's the best, except when it's the worst. Below, some simple guidelines for not being a monster on everyone's favorite social platform.
1. #Hashtag #Abuse
If you have something to say, just say it. Hashtags were created with the intention of making trending topics discoverable. Your #instagood, #likesforlikes, #picoftheday is bullshit and has got to go. If we're going to continue with this trend of hashtagging whatever we please, then we need to start asking the real questions. #WHEREISAVRILLAVIGNE has only one post to its legacy, and it's a photo of a dude on a skateboard waiting for a train that's already come. I'm serious. Look it up.
2. Workout Selfies
I have nothing against personal fitness and I promise I'm super supportive of the whole "New year, new me" kick you've been on but please, spare me the selfies. I've seen the inside of a gym and I really don't need to be reminded of the terrors I experienced. And if you're in LA, we all know "hiking" is just an excuse to go for a stroll with a friend while you talk about how hungover you both are. This whole hot yoga/juice cleanse combo you're bitching about seems like it's really doing wonders for you and I'm sure your shaman (aka Chad, the physical therapy undergrad) is a great guy, but really, I don't need you to rub it in my face. Nama'stay-the-fuck-in-your-lane.
3. Motivational Posts (Spiritual or Otherwise)
Do you remember that poster hanging in your high school geometry teacher's classroom, the one with the cat clinging by its claws to a clothesline or a telephone wire, urging you to "hang in there" with that for-a-dollar-a-day look on its face? Yeah. That one. Posts like, "It doesn't matter how slow you go so long as you don't stop" -- especially when they're done with cool typography and have punchy gradient color backgrounds -- are just as annoying. Cut it out.
4. Latte Art
Is that a cute rendition of that one anime bear in your latte froth? I can't even. No really, I can't. I've seen him, a cat, and three attempts at heart-shaped foliage this morning alone. I'm over it. Let me know when you find the face of Christ in your coffee. And even then, it's been done. Not even the Vatican will like your post now.
5. #MCM and #WCW
Okay this is an A or B sort of situation:
This (wo)man crush is a celebrity. You don't stand an addict's chance in a pharmacy, but that's exactly what this hashtag is meant for. It's harmless fun, and I, for one, have no problem with a bi-weekly dose of unattainable devastatingly attractive creatures dancing through my feed.
You're using this hashtag incorrectly and this person is actually your significant other. Boring. You bagged a good one and I'm happy you're happy. Live your dream. But chances are I'm going to see pictures of you and your "bae" every other day of the week. There is no need to declare this a national weekly holiday. Give it a rest.
6. TBT Transformation Posts
You had an awkward phase and you overcame it. Braces? Chubby cheeks? Vodka in a Tropicana bottle during first period homeroom? (No? Just me?) The point is, we've all seen it. That's middle school. I don't need a reminder of adolescent yesteryear every Tuesday and Thursday. I pay my therapist enough already.
7. Fake Followers
You've got 20k followers and nineteen likes on your last post -- you're not fooling anybody. I've researched the price points of fake Instagram followers (not because I'm a writer, but because I'm an asshole) and I can't help but think that you've expended a questionable portion of your downtown rent this month to pay for millennial robots that don't care about you. Seek help.
8. Early Bird, Brannan, or Nashville Filters
I really can't talk about this right now. Not to sound like my shrink, but I can't care about you if you don't care about you.
9. Bad Bios
"Business Inquiries" are not business inquiries if they're directed to your personal Yahoo email. Go back to school.
10. "Year In Review" Slideshows
Nobody paid attention to these photos the first time around. You paid $1.99 in the App store to have Apple curate a seizure-inducing collection of your most okayest posts of the year, and I totally understand. You feel that most of your photos this year have been slept on, but rest assured, we were all awake. We were just far too wrapped up in ourselves to give you a "like."
Kris Kidd is an author who lives in Los Angeles.
Illustration by Nicholas Kriegler