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- 01/08/15--10:50: _Listen to Screaming...
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- 01/09/15--08:19: _Watch Childish Gamb...
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- 01/09/15--13:30: _Talking With BMX Ri...
- 01/09/15--14:30: _The Best, Worst and...
- 01/11/15--08:00: _The Sunday Funnies
- 01/12/15--05:55: _"Uptown Funk," Grea...
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- 01/12/15--13:18: _For the Reasonable ...
- 01/08/15--10:22: There's a Reason Behind Lena Dunham's Tragic Outfits on Girls
- 01/08/15--10:50: Listen to Screaming Females' Searing New Single "Criminal Image"
- 01/08/15--12:00: 10 Comedians You Need to Know
- 01/08/15--14:00: Charli XCX Teams Up with Rita Ora for "Doing It"
- 01/08/15--14:48: Here's The Joan Didion Leather Jacket You've Been Waiting For
- 01/09/15--05:30: Preview 3 Pieces from the New John Waters Show, Opening Today
- 01/09/15--08:19: Watch Childish Gambino's Creepy Cute Video for "Sober"
- 01/09/15--09:30: Scope 30 Awesome Vintage Golden Globes Photos
- 01/09/15--10:30: Here's Your First Look at Nicki Minaj's New MTV Documentary
- 01/09/15--13:30: Talking With BMX Rider-Turned-Photographer, Harrison Boyce
- 01/09/15--14:30: The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week
- 01/11/15--08:00: The Sunday Funnies
- 01/12/15--05:55: "Uptown Funk," Greatest and Best Song Ever, Gets Disco Dub Remix
- 01/12/15--08:00: Morning Funnies: Golden Globes Edition
- 01/12/15--10:30: Here's Your First Look at Better Call Saul
- 01/12/15--11:00: How to Film an Ass Eating Scene, According to Allison Williams
- 01/12/15--13:18: For the Reasonable Price of $28,000 Riff Raff Will Take You to Prom
Lena Dunham's Hannah Horvath is in a constant state of "getting her shit together." She's always trying, but mostly failing, and her clothes reflect that. She also just really doesn't give a fuck about what's considered "flattering," which is admirable. But at the end of each season of Girls, despite ourselves, we're always left wondering: Will Hannah ever figure out how to dress herself?
In an interview with Girls costume designer Jenn Rogien, it's confirmed that those ill fitting, thrift store outfits were an intentional look:
"Certainly in the first couple of seasons when we were paying a lot of attention to reflecting how scattered Hannah was very much through the fit of her clothes. And sometimes that was reflected in a hem length: too short, too long, hit at an awkward place on the leg or we'd play with or drop the waist line to make them hit at not quite the right places, that literally just looks rumpled and off. And on top of that we would also not do very much craft of the costume that would go into the trim. So not a lot of steaming, not a lot of ironing. And there were some moments where I'd actually ask for things to be dropped into the bottom of a garment bag so that they would look like they came from off the floor the next morning because that was very much where Hannah was in her journey."
She also explains that yes, in season 4, it gets better:
"...We wanted to incorporate a little bit of that and build off of the sort of GQ (where she worked briefly last season) advertorial effect from season three where she's ever so slightly becoming slightly more put together, about here or there. A little bit better fit, not that we were tailoring for fit, we just weren't tailoring for ill fit as much as we had been in the first couple of seasons. So that's her general starting place for season four."
But as much as we're excited for the sort-of-chic outfits to come, we'd like to take a moment of silence for that crazy lizard-adorned crop top of Hannah's past. Mad respect. May it rest in power.
One of the best guitar players of her generation, Marissa Paternoster's shred aptitude is matched only by her work ethic. When she's not recording with her power trio Screaming Females or her side project Noun or in the middle of one of her non-stop tours, she's making her own album covers. Her frenetic pace was slowed by factors beyond her control when she came down with mononucleosis in 2013 and had to take a break from music. Fortunately, she's feeling much better now, and this experience informs both the music and the cover she made for the band's upcoming album Rose Mountain, their fifth album and their first with Mastodon producer Matt Bayles. To celebrate the premiere of their new single "Criminal Image," which you can listen to above, we talked with Marissa about pukey-green waiting room colors and why she deserves to sleep on a couch, dammit.
So you've always made the covers for Screaming Females albums. Tell me about making the cover for your new album, Rose Mountain.
I've learned a lot about how to do it. I mean, it's not particularly complex. I learned a lot about utilitarian things like Photoshop by the seat of my pants because I didn't know anything about it, and nowadays it's the only way to submit your art to any press that prints album sleeves. That's not totally true, but a lot of the earlier work I did was really graphic, and I didn't know how to manipulate photos in a computer, and I didn't know how to use layers, and I would just draw one thing on a white background, scan it and then put it on the cover.
That's what the first two albums were like, and then as I grew more confident with my Photoshop skills from futzing around on the program, I got kind of obsessed with layering things with no rhyme or reason. I used it as a crutch, because I would make a bunch of drawings and then I would scan them all in, and I would make these collage of these random drawings...I'm not disappointed in the drawings I did previously, but sometimes I look back at them and think "there's no reason this drawing is accompanying this other one. They're from totally different times in my life. They have very little to do with anything that's on this record. I just thought they looked cool." Which works when you're talking about visual aesthetics, but for this one I wanted to make something more concise and something that spoke to the lyrical and musical content on the record, so I felt good enough about Photoshop that I could start working with photographs. And we have done a bunch of tours with this fella named Christopher Ernst, and he's a very skilled photographer and he took lots of photos of us and he taught me a lot about editing photos on Photoshop. So Chris and I worked on this live album cover, (Live at The Hideout) and we wanted to do something together that was a little more complex, like make a painting and then put it in a diorama, and then he could take a photo of it. And he's always drawn from a really nice, pastel range of colors, and so thinking about his work and thinking about the lyrical content of our record, most of which is about being sick for a great deal of 2013 and 2014, and the color palette that doctor's waiting rooms always seem to adopt, the weird, desaturated colors they usually have, I realized "Chris would be perfect for this. I won't have to sit in front of Photoshop at all."
Up until then I had been spending countless hours making digital collages. I have a degree in painting but it's not something I'm particularly fond of. I like drawing a lot more. While we were making the album in Seattle I went to the art store and got supplies, so while Matt (Bayles) was mixing and we were taking breaks and stuff, I would just sit in the kitchen and paint, and it was really nice, because while he was working I didn't just have to sit around and stare into oblivion. I could continue working too. There's a lot of loose symbolism in the figures that are on the cover of the record, and then there also parts of it that I chose because I think it looks cool.
What parts would you call symbolic?
The figure that is on the cover is a head with two hands and it's kind of floating in this nondescript space that has no real defining characteristics, and a lot of the lyrical content of the record is about...I don't know if I believe so much in the human soul, but kind of feeling like you're trapped inside a physical frame that you have no control over, so a lot of the record is about that, and then the disembodied figure that is on the cover of the album is supposed to represent that kind of discord, and that you're dedicated to this body or this coil, and you feel so fragmented, like separate from it, even though it's something you're going to have until the day you die, and you have no choice in the matter. You can't go get a new one. You can change it, but you can't go to the store and go get a new one.
You're stuck with it.
So it's a lot about groundlessness and feeling, for lack of a better word, fragmented.
So the pastel green color is supposed to invoke a doctor's waiting room, but also when you look at it, it kind of feels almost pukey, like a nauseating feeling. Is that what you're going for?
Everybody has been in a doctor's office plenty of times, and those pastels are always these denatured colors, it's not the kind of pastels you're going to see on an Easter egg or Spring time decorations, where everything is bright and cheery. A doctor's office is very different, because I feel like they don't want to confront you with full pigment because it's too jarring, and they want everything to be as mute and as non-triggering as possible, especially for people who might be there for something serious. So a lot of the colors are really disgusting. I have found, spending countless hours hanging out in waiting rooms, that I really respond to them. So in the painting I was just like "fuck it, I'm going to use one of those gross, pukey colors." I'm also not a huge fan of color in general. I usually only draw in black and white.
Like the cover of your last album Ugly.
I have never felt confident with color, so it was really nice to have a strong palette to chose from. I think he and I together managed to do a nice job together. I think it's my favorite album cover that I've done. I like it and I usually hate everything.
So for the past few years you've been dealing with mononucleosis.
I don't want to harp on it because so many other people deal with things that are far more difficult, but I just had a chronic case of it, and it just screwed with my life in a way that was hard to deal with, especially with touring and being in my band. I couldn't go on tour for a very long time, almost a year, and it was scary because my blood work kept coming back positive for mono, but there was no way any doctor could tell me when it was going to stop, and I think that uncertainty was most damaging at the time, for all of us, because we had never stop playing for more than... I mean we had been playing for in our band since I was 19 and Mike was 17, so it was really long time, and for that to abruptly end because of something that had no foreseeable end. I think we all worried for a while if we were going to come out the end of this okay, and I on top of that, worrying about my band breaking up, I worried about if I was ever going to feel OK.
Right, that's only natural.
And there were no doctors that would help me feel better even emotionally. I could never get peace of mind from any of them, and at one point I had seven different people that I was talking to.
Jesus. I'm sorry to hear that. That must have been a nightmare.
Yeah, but what wound up happening was seven months later, after a lot of crying and sleeping and doing a whole lot of nothing, I feel a lot better. I still have some problems. I have still have some chronic muscle pain, but all of my life I've been relatively healthy and I've never had any kind of chronic pain, like so many people deal with, and it's granted me a healthy perspective. I'm going to go out there and do more stuff, and my body will probably only get worse as I get older, probably (laughs.)
You never know.
You never know, but I took a lot for granted, I think. Going through all that taught me not to take my body for granted, or the really wonderful life I have, to not take that for granted either. It was kind of a mixed blessing, the whole ordeal.
Just because people have it worse than you doesn't mean your experiences aren't valid. You don't need to apologize for talking about it.
Yeah, I know. That's the thing, it got to the point when I was sick that all of my blood work would come back the same as always, and it would be like "you have mono but everything else is fine," and this is eight or nine months into being sick and having really acute pain, and I was like "can someone offer me some more information?" and I got "well, maybe you should go see a psychiatrist," and I said "maybe I should, but even if it is some psychosomatic problem, and I'm experiencing some kind of discord in my mind, it doesn't make the pain go away." So I think one of the things that I was interested in, or not so much interested in but thinking about, was what is pain? Is it more of an abstraction than I thought it was? Because I always thought about pain as this biology. Your brain is telling part of your body that you injured it and you need to pay attention to it, and take care of it, but what do you do in cases where it seems like you brain is sending the signal to your entire body, and you can't see a cut, and you can't get an x-ray with any type of abnormalities or an MRI with any kind of abnormalities. What is your brain telling you? It was really upsetting at the time, but now I'm feeling better and I can reflect about it, it becomes a little more interesting. While we were writing the album I was still very ill, so I think it becomes a lot more cathartic, rather than reflective, but now that it's past me I've spent time thinking about it in a more abstract way.
Once you started to feel better, did you go right to work on Rose Mountain?
We already had all the songs written, I think our major concern was that we would have trouble touring because I had pretty bad back pain and chest pain. But for our first tour we were like "let's book this tour and see what happens. Hopefully everything will be okay, but we have to try." We went on tour for two weeks with Waxahatchee and Tenement, and it went really well. I take small amounts of medication, doing physical therapy whenever I wake up in the morning, doing small changes, like not sleeping on the floor anymore, which is actually a big deal for us because we don't sleep in hotel rooms. Now when we go to someone's house instead of going "yay, we'll sleep anywhere" now I have to be like "hey, we'll sleep anywhere but I have to sleep on a couch. Is that ok?" It's kind of a weird change for us. It seems so silly now, little things like that. Weird new changes to make after eight, nine years in a band.
You've been putting the time in. You deserve a couch.
You deserve good things, Marissa.
I'd like to think so. So yeah, it's been great. I'm just so lucky to be able to do what I do, and I think not being able to do it for a long time taught me there's nothing else I'd rather be doing. If it means that once in a while I'm going to have a day where my back hurts a lot, I just kind of deal with it, in the way that so many people deal with it in their lives. I have to deal with it too. It's all good, it was just a hard year.
I'm glad you're feeling better. So, what was the making of the album like?
It was awesome. We kind of found Matt on the internet. We knew we wanted to work with a producer, but it's kind of hard to find producers who are also engineers. It's easy to find an engineer, but we wanted to find somebody who was multifaceted, who could make good sounds but would also be willing to chime in when it came to songwriting decisions, or even decisions with composition. So we found Matt, and sent him an e-mail, and he seemed interested and he was out in New York doing work with another band, and he stopped in New Jersey to have a meeting with us, and he seemed really nice and down to earth and easy to talk to. We made the decision to work with him and we got a flight out to Seattle and we ended up living in this really cool Airbnb in Seattle, this really cool RV that was parked in this couple's backyard. We lived in an RV for a month, it was awesome. And everyday we'd go into the studio from 11 to 11, work with Matt, go home and watch a movie or whatever. It was nice. It was the longest we've ever spent on making a record, and therefore for me personally, it was really nice to sleep on things and not have to rush and decisions. It was a luxury that we haven't experienced before. And Matt was a really nice guy. He's relaxed, but he's also a pragmatic guy who gets things done.
So how are you feeling today?
I'm feeling good. Except it's snowing, which is annoying.
Heems is gearing up to release his first commercial solo LP after a string of self-released mixtapes. The first single off the upcoming album, Eat, Pray Thug, is the excellent track "Sometimes," in which the former Das Racist rapper meditates on his heritage and identity. He explains:
"'Sometimes' is about dualities, identity and the space between spaces. Like so many other people, as a first generation South Asian in the U.S. I often felt like I lived two lives, an Indian one and an American one. I lived, at once, in and between two spaces and outside them as well. On another level, I also often felt like in America I lived in the space between black and white. Dualities are normal though. As fun as rap is, I can't always feel happy. Sometimes I feel sad too. It also pays homage to hip-hop before me with cadences referencing both Nice and Smooth and Busta Rhymes."Listen to the track, above. Eat, Pray, Thug is out on March 10th.
If you like jokes about cats, hot men, and insecurity then you'll love Joel Kim Booster. Like a Millennial Jerry Seinfeld, this Brooklyn-based comic has a gift for turning everyday banalities into pithy zingers during his stand-up sets. He's also an award-nominated playwright for Kate and Sam Are Not Breaking Up, and he co-wrote the popular web series Kam Kardashian, about a long-lost K sister. His Twitter game is on point, too.
Recommended: No Fats, No Femmes, No Asians: Adventures in Identity
A few take-aways from watching Gaby Dunn's videos: she loves Doctor Who, likes to hang out with her "close friend" Jill, and she "didn't come to this Open Mic to fuck you." Aside from those fun facts, this LA-based writer and performer mixes sharp wit and social commentary in her stand up sets, and she's currently helping write a "reboot of SNICK" for Nickelodeon. Keep an eye out for her on your Facebook feed, starring in a BuzzFeed video or two.
Recommended: Gaby Dunn Gets Back On Stage
In case you need some convincing about why you should start paying attention to Cameron Esposito, know this: Jay Leno once called her "the future of comedy" plus she's really good at wearing jean jackets and/or vests. Currently on tour around the country, Esposito recently released her comedy album Same Sex Symbol, boasting the tracks "Woman Who Doesn't Sleep with Men" and "Buy or Steal Kids," and, along with performing, she also writes a stellar bi-weekly column about comedy for The AV Club.
Recommended: Her standup set on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
It's only a matter of time before Todrick Hall takes over the entertainment industry. This former American Idol contestant sings, acts, orchestrates Beyoncé flash mobs in Target, and produces hilarious parody videos like "All that Azz" and "Bitch Perfect." He's a pop culture mash-up who recently went on a holiday tour called "Twerk the Halls" and is set to have his own docu-series on MTV this year. Basically, he gives the internet all the LIFE (#splitsontrees).
Recommended: "Mean Gurlz"
The foul-mouthed comedian, who recently opened for Baratunde Thurston on his "How to Be Black" tour, runs the cult-favorite blog, bitchesgottaeat. On her website, Irby bares all -- food obsessions, pages worth masturbating to in Fifty Shades of Grey, and her Crohn's disease. Her 2013 collection of essays, Meaty, was included in Barnes & Noble's "Discover Great New Writers" series.
Recommended: "I Really Don't Eat This Much Salad"
Conner O'Malley was the guy in high school who always wore black hoodies and cracked sarcastic jokes and who now, somehow, grew up to be cool. A writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers, O'Malley also stars in off-the-wall videos on Funny or Die and created an A+++ Vine series where he yelled at strangers in fancy cars. As well as in the internet sketch group Sad On Vacation, he performs with the Upright Citizen's Brigade group "Good Girl." Whenever we've seen him perform, he's weirded us out. And that's a compliment.
Recommended: The Shrek is Real
If there's one thing Rebecca O'Neal knows about, it's the comedy hustle. Once a writer for places such as Vanity Fair and Gawker, O'Neal left New York for Chicago to focus on stand-up. And it's starting to pay off. In the past two years, she's performed at Portland's Bridgetown Comedy Festival, at the Laugh Factory, and on NPR.
Mallory Ortberg rules the internet -- well, at least a corner of it where bookish people swap jokes. Co-creator of the popular blog The Toast, Ortberg writes thoughtful essays and tweets on topics ranging from Jonathan Franzen to Lisa Simpson. We're obsessed with her ongoing series "Mallory Captions Western Art History" and have a soft spot for her new book, Texts from Jane Eyre, published this past November.
Recommended: Male Novelist Jokes
One of the first times we saw Wes Perry was in his one-man production Don't Act Like A Girl, which, among other things, told his coming out story. After this show, we knew we had to see him perform as much as possible. His comedy is bold and on any given night you might see him mixing everything from burlesque to improv and show tunes. In Chicago, he currently hosts the show No Boys Allowed at the Annoyance Theatre.
Recommended: Making Out
The only thing bigger than Chris Trew's beard is his bonkers stage personalities, which include the professional wrestling manager and rapper Terp2it. He's released three albums under this moniker and headlined comedy festivals around the country. One of the leaders of a growing improv movement in the South, he co-founded the New Movement comedy studio in Austin, Texas in 2009 and he has since launched its sister-theater in New Orleans, where he currently resides. Also, FYI, he's the host of the Air Sex World Championships.
Recommended: "Backpack" Music Video
The revamped version of "Doing It," the newest single off Charli XCX's Sucker, now features former Paper cover girl and Winter Break 2014 winner Rita Ora. Thanks to the production by Ariel Rechtshaid, the song has a similar 80s synth-pop vibe to the tracks that he also produced for Haim's Days Are Gone -- which is to say that "Doing It" is thoroughly enjoyable and danceable. Listen to it, above.
The jacket also comes in David Bowie, Frida Kahlo, Anna Piaggi, and Patti Smith -- and there's only one of each. The jackets aren't cheap, but if you have $1,200 to shill out for a leather jacket Joan Didion (or David Bowie, Frida Kahlo, etc) will always have your back.
In the music video for "Sober" Childish Gambino has nailed all the ways in which you should absolutely not woo a girl, under any circumstances: miming, magic, and alarming facial expressions. But that being said, Gambino's creepy performance in the Hiro Murai-directed video is a delight to watch. Check it out, above.
Shirley MacLaine, 1955
Judy Garland and Marlon Brando, 1955
Hollywood gossip columnist Louella Parsons with Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, 1956
Grace Kelly, 1956
Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Todd, 1958
Rock Hudson and Marilyn Monroe, 1962
Mia Farrow, 1965
Natalie Wood and Robert Redford, 1966
Barbra Streisand, 1969
Jack Nicholson and Michelle Phillips, 1971
Michael Jackson and parents, 1973
Joel Grey and Liza Minnelli, 1973
Sonny and Cher, 1973
Jack Nicholson and Anjelica Huston, 1974
Jessica Lange, 1977
Linda Lavin, Joyce Dewitt and Robin Williams, 1979
Drew Barrymore, 1983
Joan Collins, 1985
Julia Roberts, 1990
Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder, 1991
Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, 1993
Leondardo DiCaprio and mom, Irmalin, 1994
Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant, 1995
Courtney Cox, Matthew Perry, Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow, 1996
Although she was born to human parents Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith is not of this world. We always had a sneaking suspicion that this was the case, but now we have the proof to back it up. On her new song "Heart," the teen oracle explains that she's "just like the martians" and makes constant references to her planet. We're not sure which planet she's from exactly, but it's decidedly not earth. "I don't think that it's fair," she sings, "that you're on Earth and I'm up, up here making stars and galaxies and planets -- making a life in another dimension." We can only hope that one day she'll bring us with her.
How did you get started in photography?
I grew up in a very artistic house. My mom has a degree in fine art and she ended up balancing between music and art for my entire childhood. She was a radio disk jockey for something like twenty five years and was always very adamant about taking me and my brother to museums. My dad was a musician as well. Aside from that, I got into BMX and I rode a lot and got sponsored and needed someone to document everything. So I just started taking photos. I learned about photography through documenting me and my friends, just traveling all over the world and always having a camera with me. I started a website when I was a teenager documenting the whole scene -- my own little BMX scene -- so I learned how to make websites and learned photoshop. I ended up becoming the art director for the bike company that I was sponsored by and did their website. I always knew that I didn't want to be like in BMX forever but photography and design were skills I could use for the rest of my life.
It's about finding the right moments that really stand out. With BMX -- taking photos of tricks -- you have to time the photo for the trick to be in a perfect spot and it doesn't work a few frames prior and it doesn't work a few frames after -- it's that one sweet spot. With fashion films, I do some of them and they're kind of a weird thing to me in a sense because there's no real reason for them, it's just a bunch of moving images. I think that I always try to always look for those authentic and real moments someone else might overlook.
The majority of your work is shot in black and white. How did you make the decision to use color photography sparingly?
I have a hard time defining a specific look in color. I shot a lot of black and white film when I started out and I did a lot of cross processing and messed with different types of actual film. But when I started shooting digital I had this computer where I could do anything and make the colors any way I wanted to -- it would all just be Photoshop shit and there was no real base behind it. I think because of the amount of options I had, I felt overwhelmed and could never really figure out how to specify a look that I liked. I did it as a challenge to simplify my photography: to focus on framing and images and figure out a direction I wanted to go. And it just kind of stuck.
I remember I use to post stuff on Tumblr and I'd look in the gridview and it was just gross. It didn't make any sense, there was no consistency or cohesive look. I think digitally archiving images in a good way is big now. If somebody goes to search you, they're going to see a curated Google search result and if it's a mess there's no vision.
My personal photography has a lot to do with my love for documenting New York in general. I take photos of the city and I want to be able to archive what "now" is so that you can look back in 20 to 30 years and know what today was like. I'm really inspired by photographers who shot in the fifties and sixties and I was always envious of their images and the type of New York that they captured, it always felt like I missed out. Like "I didn't live in this awesome time, how can I take cool photos of old cars and old signs?" But I realized that all they did was take photos of their current time, their everyday. To them it was probably stupid, like how we feel about Times Square right now they probably felt about Times Square back then, but if you look at it thirty years down the road it's way cooler. I don't know if it's nostalgia specifically, but it's sort of timelessness.
I got roped into this because Alan Philips who's the CMO of Morgans Hotel Group had seen this video I did for Pusha T -- it was all these black and white images with type, and he essentially wanted to theme this space off of that video. The video itself was the biggest platform to start off of. From there on it was just trying to find images that were fun and had good energy. I went in some crazy directions -- I had a whole car crash theme and it looked super cool but I didn't know how that would be to sit and drink alcohol in the middle of a bunch of car crashes. I found these dancers in an old Esquire magazine from 1975 and once we found them it was what we built off of.
How did you decide which lyrics to include in the space?
I was digging through stuff and I think I was just listening to a shuffle mix or something like that and a 2Pac song came on and I just typed something -- like four words of it -- and put it in a little graphic and laid it out and sent it to everybody to check out and everybody really gravitated towards the specific song. It was just as random as that.
The Half & Half space is located inside the Hudson New York, 356 W. 58th St., New York. It's open Tues-Thurs, 6:00pm-2:00am and Fri-Sat, 6:00pm-3:00am.
Artist to Know of the Week: Rebecca Morgan, whose drawings, ceramics and paintings of 'Bumpkins,' so named for the subjects she portrays inspired by her upbringing in the Pennsylvania Appalachian mountains, have been likened to a mash-up of "Brueghel and R. Crumb." -- Abby Schreiber
Biggest Asshole of the Week: Bill Cosby, for joking about his rape accusers during a recent set. Please drive off the nearest cliff in a clown car. -- Elizabeth Thompson
Second Biggest Asshole of the Week: Phylicia Rashad, for dismissing Cosby's rape accusers as being part of some batshit cabal to keep him off network television and for perpetuating the vile cycle of victim-blaming that keeps rape survivors silent. BYE PHYLICIA. -- E.T.
Most Slide-y Pig of the Week: This adorable dude, who is honestly coping much better with Winter than we are. -- G.B.
Most Honest Food Review of the Week: Seth Rogen's. The actor did not try to curb his very intense feelings for a certain Brooklyn steakhouse AT ALL when waxing poetic in the Infatuation about his top five favorite New York restaurants: "It's obvious, but [Peter Luger's] is fucking dope as fuck. I just went here for the first time a few months ago, and steak was on point. But what really blew my mind was the massive slab of bacon. Holy shit. I know it's blasphemous, but next time I might skip the steak and eat about 15 slabs of bacon. Then I'll die." Same, Seth Rogen. Same. -- G.B.
Queen of the Week: Joan Didion. No explanation needed. -- E.T.
Best Celebrity Gossip of the Week: The possible unearthing of Channing Tatum's boning playlist. Sadly, no Ginuwine. -- A.S.
Best Show to Attend TONITE: Orange County-bred duo Garden, at Webster Hall. Bring your best identical-twin clichés, but be warned that Fletcher and Wyatt Shears are far cooler and creepier than any Shining quote you'd care to throw at them. Show info HERE. -- James Rickman
Best Press Photo: PJ Harvey's. She announced last Friday (when we were too hungover to do a Superlatives post) that she would record her next album from within a studio made of one-way glass, and that a paying audience would stand outside and watch it all come together. Fine, but can we please have more pictures of her wailing on an alto sax in an alleyway? -- J.R.
Best RAWK Jam of the Week: Screaming Females' new single, 'Criminal Image.' We just want to blast this shit in a Camaro and speed away, burning rubber. -- E.T.
Most Crucial Photo Round-Up of the Week: Gothamist's 'Top 10 Most Stoned Young De Blasio Photos.' Double thumbs up duuuude. -- A.S.
Most Complicated Feelings of the Week: Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein photos are hot. Gross. -- E.T.
Biggest Garfield Hater: Miranda July in her "By the Book" interview in the New York Times Book Review. She says, "That dumb man and his dumb, mean cat have gotten more of our attention than they deserve. Less so recently. But you meet men (and cats) like them every day. It's a type." -- J.R.
ICYMI: Watch Jimmy Fallon realize he blew his chance to date Nicole Kidman. This is a delight.
When this woman's date doesn't kiss her for the kiss cam, she resorts to a really good plan B. This is probably staged -- everyone involved is suspiciously attractive and actor-y -- but at least it filled Knicks fans with some much-needed joy. [Uproxx]
A delightful supercut of dogs spying on people. Good thing there is no Dog CIA. (OR IS THERE?) [TastefullyOffensive]
A work of art. [FYeahDementia].
This cute pig sliding on a frozen sidewalk = all New Yorkers this past, cold-as-F week.
Venice Beach stoners attempt to answer questions about politics. It's so sad.
Don't even think about playing if you've never paid for cat food using spare change. This is the big leagues, SON. [Mlkshk]
Panel discussion realness. [TastefullyOffensive]
Imagine the heaven where this exists. [Mlkshk]
Stop saying "they ruined my childhood." [CollegeHumor]
Watch on repeat as necessary today. [TastefullyOffensive]
For your files. [Mlkshk]
This terriftying girl chanting at an LSU game is our new hero. Holy shit. [Uproxx]
Channing Tatum -- as did many dudes last night -- really went to town on the bronzer. This is accurate.
PROOF CHANNING TATUM IS A TANGERINE pic.twitter.com/JZM6jgAzVi-- BFF (@YrBFF) January 12, 2015
Benedict Cumberbatch photobombed Meryl Streep and Margaret Cho. [Vulture]
And really nailed it with this joke about George Clooney marrying Amal Alamuddin. [YouTube]
Jennifer Aniston couldn't help herself and had to get a piece of Kate Hudson's cake. (Sorry.) [Uproxx]
Bill Murray cracked a dad joke. [HuffPo]
Ethan Hawke and Partricia Arquette held hands over their movie son when Richard Linklater won for Best Screenplay, and it was so charming. [AlanPyschedelicBreakfast]
Giuliana Rancic forced George and Amal Clooney watch her do a shot of George's tequila and it was painfully awkward. [EOnline]
Allison Williams' "Marnie" might just be the most easily hated character on Girls -- or at least the most cringe-worthy. She even managed to make her much-hyped ass-eating scene in the Girls season 4 premiere a bit of a snooze fest instead of the steamy singer-songwriter affair that it should have been. Now that even Vogue has christened anal sex with a trend piece, coming to the conclusion that the act itself isn't inherently all that exciting or taboo, it wasn't surprising that the scene didn't deliver on the hype. But one question remains: how did Allison Williams manage to make an act that sounded so fun in Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" so joyless? Well, one theory is that she's a robot who was built to take the joy out of everything we love starting with Kanye songs, but let's allow her to explain the now-infamous scene in her own words. Here's Allison Williams' guide to "getting motorboated in your ass," as Jemima Kirke adorably puts it, on screen:
1. Let your "wiring" be your guide: Apparently, Allison Williams isn't like us normal humans. Her wiring is different. (SHE'S A ROBOT. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.) "Because of my wiring," Williams told Vulture, "I read [the sex scene] in the script and I went into total action mode."
2. Smell like cake. Literally become a cake, if possible: As witnessed in Williams' turn as Peter Pan, the actress's "total action mode" is light on the action and heavy on vanilla blandness, literally: "I grabbed the makeup girl and said, 'I want to smell like a cake,' so we put vanilla cream everywhere so everything smells good."
3. Make your butt as pillow-like as possible: Using "Spanx that we cut away and glued down and involved menstrual pads and two of those weird thongs" she built a rig that's "invisible from the side but that feels like a pillow when he puts his face into it."
4. Talk extensively to your parents about it: "Also because of my wiring, I was like, 'Any advice? What do you guys think in terms of what adhesive I should use?' ... I'd get a call from my mom and she'd be like, 'Maybe if you took a thong and cut it away from the sides but you stuck it on in the front and the back it could work.' I was like, 'Mom, I like your thinking.' Just your regular dinner conversation! We're changing as a family; it's lovely."
Good news for rich as f*ck high school seniors who are over 18: Riff Raff wants to take you to prom.
Over the years it seems as if cool teens have only gotten cooler. So if you want to keep up with a 16-year-old who named himself Asspizza, you're going to have to take it to the next level. You, an aspiring cool teen, know this. We, cool teen experts, know this. Riff Raff, a 32-year-old grown man who thinks its a good idea to go to a high school prom, knows this. That's why the rapper is offering a "full Instagram and Twitter promo," instant legend status, iconic prom pictures all night, and the best penthouse suite that your shitty town offers. All that will cost you $28,000, but having Riff Raff escort you to prom in a Lamborghini, capturing the night via freestyle videos may very well propel you into cool teen infamy -- and in that case it's totally worth it. Especially if he wears that denim tux again.