Behind the Scenes With DJ About Town Leslie Kirchhoff

June 25, 2014, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: Hear Sia's New Song, "Big Girls Cry"

≪ Previous: Tyler, The Creator Made a Really Weird Commercial for Syrup

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As a freelance DJ and photographer -- and general girl about town -- New York-based Leslie Kirchhoff spends her days running between photo shoots, meetings and gigs. "My daytime is mainly photography and emails with maybe a meeting or two about DJ things," says Kirchhoff who regularly shoots for Vogue.com and Teen Vogue. "Then in the evening I look at music websites to find new songs, download some things, update my USBs and get ready for DJing. One day I'm going to bed at 4am and the next I'm waking up for a shoot at 4am. My life is seriously non-stop." Here we follow Kirchhoff on one of her jam-packed days from a street style shoot in Chelsea to spinning at the Hôtel Americano. "When I am DJing I love being able to control the sound and mood of a room," says Kirchhoff and on her dance floor you'll hear "a lot of disco, oldies, indie stuff, remixes, '80s...I kind of say it's 'dancy-disco-rocky.'"

Check out Leslie in this behind-the-scenes video we filmed with our friends over at Baby-G, above.

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Hear Sia's New Song, "Big Girls Cry"

June 25, 2014, 4:00 pm

≫ Next: What the U.S. Would Be Like If Britain Won the Revolutionary War

≪ Previous: Behind the Scenes With DJ About Town Leslie Kirchhoff

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Sia's forthcoming new record 1,000 Forms of Fear isn't even out yet but we've already been majorly vibing out to several of the record's tracks. Having previously released "Chandelier" and "Eye of the Needle," today the now-incognito songwriting machine gives us "Big Girls Cry." It's one of those throbbing power ballads that you want to listen to on blast during your morning commute and don't realize that the lyrics are actually kind of sad. (They're mostly repetitions of "big girls cry when their hearts are breaking.") Check it out, below, and snag the full LP when it comes out on July 8 via RCA.

What the U.S. Would Be Like If Britain Won the Revolutionary War

June 26, 2014, 7:30 am

≫ Next: Confessions of a '90s Drag Queen

≪ Previous: Hear Sia's New Song, "Big Girls Cry"

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British comedian and star of HBO's Hello Ladies, Stephen Merchant, tells us about how great America would be if the Brits had won the Revolutionary War. [via HuffPo Comedy]

And, speaking of England, here's a bunch of English people getting very, very upset when their team loses to Italy in the World Cup and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog trolls them at a bar, post-game. It's Pt. 2 of Triumph's World Cup adventures -- you can watch Pt. 1 HERE. [via Team Coco]
 
Homemade lasagna -- that's what's up. [via The Clearly Dope]

Here's a photo series of female porn stars dressed as Nic Cage. [Woodrocket via Uproxx]

They're missing the crucial intersection of "and your momma got scared." But otherwise those directions look good tho. [via Knusprig Titten Hitler]

Love this tender moment between Alejandro and Jermaine. U-S-A! U-S-A! [via Afternoon Snooze Button]

High five, guys! It's almost the weekend. [via Julia Segal Time]

Confessions of a '90s Drag Queen

June 26, 2014, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Kim Kardashian's New Game Is a No-Brainer

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(Photo by Linda Simpson)

I'm originally from Atlanta, which in the late '70s and early '80s was really fun, really lively and had a connection to what was going on in Athens. I remember seeing the B-52s perform in a club the size of a New York apartment when I was still in high school and I'd see R.E.M. all the time. There was always this gay side of the Atlanta scene that was pretty prominent and this band The Now Explosion were pretty popular in that world. They were the crazier, gayer, trashier, wilder counterpart to the B-52s -- a very DIY band -- and were led by Larry Tee. At one point they started doing drag, and when I was 22 or 23, I'd go to their shows and become friends with the members and that's how I started getting into it.

Larry Tee was already sort of an impresario back then and he had cultivated this relationship with a guy who owned all these crazy clubs in Atlanta, these old '60s-era dive-y lounges. The guy booked bands and on nights when no one was booked, we'd do drag shows. RuPaul was a part of this scene and very quickly demonstrated that he was a star. He'd run around town and make these zines. He had a band. Interestingly, though, he didn't start doing drag until relatively late in his career. And when he did, he started doing very inventive, gender-bending, flamboyant, artsy drag. It had punk and New Wave elements -- he liked to wear face paint. At one point, shoulder pads were part of his look. It wasn't until he came to New York that he really started doing that super glamorous type of drag.

Eventually folks involved in thescene, including RuPaul, Lady Bunny, Larry Tee and Lahoma Van Zandt, all moved to New York and brought that Atlanta energy with them. And those of us who didn't move to New York would go visit them a ton. I would go up and visit Bunny and just sleep on a mound of gowns. I also remember coming up a few times in the early '80s and go-go dancing at the Pyramid Club, which was so, so crazy. In those days, if you wanted to dance there, you would go into the club on a Friday morning at 10 o'clock or something and wait to see [if you got picked]. It was very funny, hanging out there in the daytime.

But back in Atlanta, with the Now Explosion scene gone, a new scene took over called Eleganza. The drag shows became more like improv comedy shows featuring a cast of four, five or six people with really distinct personalities. It was ahead of its time and was before the whole Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and the revival of '70s disco and ABBA. What we were doing then seemed really new and fresh at the time, like, "Oh my god, they're lip-syncing to ABBA! That's hilarious!" We had these characters and would do this running soap opera every week where, in between numbers, we'd carry on these crazy plots. For instance, my character, Lurleen, was supposed to be a divorcée who lived in the suburbs and who comes into town to let her hair down. She was also a home wrecker caught up in this love triangle.

Lurleen performing Jody Miller's "Queen of the House"

I got the name Lurleen from the first wife of [Alabama Governor] George Wallace who eventually became Governor herself. She's an interesting character because she represents a certain type of Southern woman who was probably fairly decent and normal herself but got mixed up in national events and, of course, the Civil Rights Movement, by being married to a really important -- but not necessarily positive -- figure in history. And that's the other thing about Eleganza -- it was a very silly show but it was also very political. In a light way, we'd address political topics like what folks were doing in ACT UP and Queer Nation. I remember we did a fundraiser once for the African American politician Harvey Gantt back when he was running against Jessie Helms for the Senate. Helms, who was a hateful homophobe (and probably a closeted gay because he was very femme) and racist, had ran a very infamous racist ad appealing to white fears about black people taking their jobs. It was really shocking. So in our Eleganza shows, we'd talk about that Senate race. We'd also talk about issues related to the first Gulf War -- we did a few anti-war shows. I remember we lip-synced to Buffy Sainte-Marie's "Universal Soldier" and one of my trademark numbers was "Candles in the Rain" by Melanie.

After leaving Atlanta, I went to grad school and then I went to Germany and to Japan for three years. Oh my god, Japan was the most fun ever. There's a huge gay scene in Tokyo but it's sort of invisible if you don't speak Japanese. But there were also a couple of bars that really catered to foreigners and Japanese who liked foreigners. My friend and I would go out in drag and perform ABBA numbers and be club hostesses. We were flown around the country to do shows and we got interviewed for national magazines. If we had wanted to stay there and become fluent in Japanese, we could've made a life out of it.

Eventually I moved to New York in 1995 and that was when [Michael Alig's party] "Disco 2000" was still going strong. Tunnel was still big. Sound Factory was going. I guess Club USA made a splash but it didn't last long. Palladium was just at its tail end. It was the twilight of that huge club period with the crazy Club Kids, lots of drag, and all that ecstasy. Lady Bunny would tell me her favorite thing to do on ecstasy was to sit at the bar talking to a girl. I don't even remember what that was about. As my friend Panty used to say, people on ecstasy could have fun in a toilet. But you could already see that that scene was ending and the Village scene and lots of small bars were becoming really hot for the gays.

I performed at Cake on Avenue B and Crow Bar. The big thing, though, was SqueezeBox! at Don Hill's. It was so much fun and so different. For someone who had come from the punk and New Wave music scenes, it was fun to finally have that come together with the drag stuff.  Miss Guy DJ'd and was fab and the crowd was really mixed and really fun: there were older rockers, young kids, super glammy drag queens, punk kids gay and straight. That's also where I first got to know Justin Vivian Bond who was performing there.

This was also the time when Wigstock was at its peak. It grew so big that it moved to the West Side piers before they were redone. We did a couple of elaborate production numbers because the whole lip sync stuff that would work in a club didn't necessarily work in a place that large. I did a Tammy Faye Bakker number one year as Lurleen, an Up With People-style number with everyone dressed in bright white and yellow outfits like we were on a riverboat. One Wigstock, I remember wearing this amazing blue sequin dress that the designer David Dalrymple had made for me and this really cute Latin guy picked me up and put me on the handlebars of his bike on the way home. There were a bunch of crazy stories like that. Lots of cab driver stories. Like one time a cab driver asked for a handjob and Lurleen just touched him and he came -- we got a free ride.

It wasn't long before I started moving out of the drag scene, though. It was just a change of life and it became hard to do things late at night. But the scene was changing, too. New York was becoming so expensive and people needed day jobs and it's really hard to do ecstasy and then get up the next day and be productive. I try not to sound like a dumpy old fart but I think that pop culture was becoming more corporatized around that time. The drag scene I came up with was more influenced by variety TV and old musicals and even this connection to vaudeville. We grew up seeing Milton Berle and Carol Channing and Cher. I look back and call that moment and that scene Southern-style drag. I feel like the queens from Atlanta like RuPaul, Lady Bunny, and Lahoma brought it up to New York and now it's spread around the world. There's always drag everywhere but the wild, showgirl drag with crazy comedy really started in Atlanta.

Kim Kardashian's New Game Is a No-Brainer

June 26, 2014, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: Meet Emily Meade, Star of HBO's Unsettling New Drama "The Leftovers"

≪ Previous: Confessions of a '90s Drag Queen

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Kim Kardashian's new game for the App Store seems to be simultaneously designed for children, and also teaching the worst lessons a child could possibly learn about interpersonal relationships, aspirations, and gender roles. It's like Grand Theft Auto except less engaging, and you use female charm and name-dropping to gain points rather than murdering people. It's not that anyone was expecting Kim Kardashian's game to be a modern exploration of female agency, but it's a cornucopia of problematic messages. For example, why does the game keep prompting me to change my nose/eyes/lips/outfit every five minutes? Isn't there some kind of a plastic surgery limit? Also, why is Kim K so coercive? When do I get to meet Kanye? Why do I get cash just for clicking on a pigeon? That's very misleading. Check out some bizarre snapshots below:

I was just trying to do my job, selling clothes at So Chic Boutique, and in walks Kim K just when I was locking the store. Not only does she make me let her in, but I have no option but to (Insist.) on giving her clothes from the store for free. I could have been fired.

I kept checking my "achievements" tab and was disappointed that I continued to have no achievements. But hey, at least I'm stunningly attractive.

My character seems to have no idea what's going on...ever. It's as if she landed onto the streets of Beverly Hills straight from the womb.

Just when I was losing all faith in the game, I get hit on by a female engineer. While I still resent the fact that my only real options when talking to any stranger in a bar are "network" or "flirt" (where is "run in the opposite direction"?), I must concede that this is pretty progressive. 
 
Some sage advice from an older man to "Keep your head down...or wherever the photographers want it," which is a perfect message for the young girls likely playing this game. If you need us, we'll be sitting in a darkened room drinking whiskey for the rest of the day.

Meet Emily Meade, Star of HBO's Unsettling New Drama "The Leftovers"

June 26, 2014, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: "I Fell Asleep On the Couch Like a Fuckin' Rock Star"

≪ Previous: Kim Kardashian's New Game Is a No-Brainer

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In HBO's new post-apocalyptic drama The Leftovers, two percent of the world's population disappears into thin air after a rapture-like occurrence. The surviving residents of Mapleton, New York, the fictional town where the series takes place, are hanging by a thread, but actress Emily Meade's character Aimee, a jaded, hard-partying, sexually adventurous high schooler, seems pretty much OK with the whole thing. "My character is definitely the one who seems to have the most acceptance and peace with it," says the 25-year-old. "I think she's maybe had her own turmoil and trauma that we'll find out about later on. It's made this all sort of normal."

The series, which also stars Justin Theroux, Margaret Qualley and Liv Tyler, shows how the world moves forward after a large-scale loss. It follows themes of faith and the afterlife, which Meade says she's been thinking about since she was a precocious kid growing up on Manhattan's Upper West Side. "Recently my mom found this book that I made when I was five," she says. "It was basically me explaining the different levels of souls and how in each life, you're working through a lesson. And then you reach the next life and the next life and eventually end with something like nirvana. And that was before I knew anything about Buddhism or religion. That was just what I thought happened! I was a weird little kid."

Though Meade has mostly stuck to the dark and disturbing throughout her career -- playing Michael Pitt's ill-fated prostitute girlfriend on Boardwalk Empire and a girl named "Fang" in Wes Craven's thriller My Soul to Take -- she's always had her sights set on comedy. "Growing up I was obsessed with I Love Lucy, Saturday Night Live and Christopher Guest, but I ended up playing all these sad, lost characters," Meade says. "I guess I'm not going to be the young- est cast member to join SNL after all."

The Leftovers premieres Sunday, June 29th, at 10 p.m. on HBO.

Styled by Ashley Owens / Makeup by Anneliese Tieck and Hair by Anthony Joseph, both for Artists at Wilhelmina Image Board NYC. / Shotat Bitfire Studio / Emily wears a blazer and tank top by Emporio Armani and a necklace by Giles & Brother. Cosmetics by Tom Ford.

"I Fell Asleep On the Couch Like a Fuckin' Rock Star"

June 26, 2014, 1:30 pm

≫ Next: Grimes Releases Studio Version of "Go," Initially Written for Rihanna

≪ Previous: Meet Emily Meade, Star of HBO's Unsettling New Drama "The Leftovers"

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Throughout the summer, we're following around some of our favorite bands and DJs as they head out on tour. In each installment, these road dogs will be sharing a photo diary and sharing stories about what they do, see, and hear and eat while criss-crossing the country and the globe. Next up: Phantogram. The Brooklyn-based electro rock duo comprised of Sarah Barthel and Josh Carter are on the road in support of their newest album, Voices (out now), and here, Barthel tells us all about their kick-off show before a hometown crowd at Terminal 5.

Terminal 5 was the first show of our little tour that's just started. Josh and I drove my roommate's pretty awesome silver Volkswagen Jetta from the '90s from Williamsburg over to the venue. Terminal 5 is kind of a haul and so the trip took almost an hour with traffic. We were an hour late when we got there at 4pm because I had to pick up some medication on the way because I was really sick with laryngitis and I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to sing. As soon as we got to Terminal 5 I went upstairs and lay down until the absolute last minute before we had to do sound check.

Josh was hanging out in our green room and this photo makes him look like he's really hungry and about to reach for a cheeseburger or something. But that's not actually true because it was still before our show and we don't want him throwing up. We don't let him eat until after.

This table was in our green room and you can see in the bottom right my braces -- or, rather, my Invisalign. And then there's the codeine syrup that I needed to take because my throat was really sore. I actually ended up throwing up two minutes before going onstage because the codeine fucked with me. I don't know what happened. Someone told me not to take it but I was like, "You don't know me! I'm gonna do it." I took a tiny, tiny sip -- it was not a lot -- and I was trying to pretend I was sipping on sizzurp but it did not pan out the way I had hoped. I ended up throwing up everything including my entire lunch, which were strawberries that my mom brought from upstate New York and crackers. She was trying to help take care of me.

Those jewelry pieces were all things my stylist pulled for me to try on. I loved the big gold chain necklace and the big triangle earrings that I couldn't wear because they were 20lbs. And you can also see my driver's license in the middle of it all.

Look at those guns! My stylist Noel was helping me get ready and putting on necklaces before the show.

Eventually almost everyone cleared out of the dressing room and there only four of us -- me, Noel, our friend Miaken who photographs us and my beautiful mother, whose head is in the background. Miaken is hilarious and was cracking me up because she knows if she says just about anything then I laugh and she gets pictures that prove to people I'm not a really sad person.

In addition to those strawberries, my mom had brought some miso soup and was making me eat food and I didn't want to, which made me feel like a teenager again. Since this was our hometown show, we had tons and tons of friends and family there. At one point the green room was filled up with our New York friends, friends we grew up with, our hairstylist/best friend, our families, booking agent, lawyer, and our manager.

Right before we went on, I was practicing how to use a pick because normally I have acrylic nails that I use to play the guitar but my nails ripped off that day and I didn't feel well enough to take care of it, which was silly of me.

That's our Phantogram guitar pick. We throw these out to our fans after the shows.

Right before we went on, Daniel, our hairstylist, was trying to inspect Josh's Adam's Apple or something. He was making sure it was still there. Actually I don't know what was going on -- I think he's helping Josh shave.

That's our drummer, Chris, in the back with Josh and me. I think this is probably right before we were going on. We weren't nervous at all -- well, I was nervous I would throw up onstage. We'd played Terminal 5 a couple of times before to big audiences so I wasn't nervous one bit. It was kind of weird.

Here's Josh in the hallway in Terminal 5, checking his stocks while he was drinking his black coffee. He's the coolest.

That's us doing our little prayer before we go onstage. It's a tradition at this point to do it before every show -- we started it last year. It gives us a moment to breathe and realize that what we're doing is amazing and that lots of people watching us all have things going on in their lives and we're out there to let people enjoy a really fun show.

Once we finally went onstage, I was pretty black out the first half of the show. The first song started and my adrenaline was so high that the song sounded like it was double speed. I couldn't even play the tambourine, it was so fast. I couldn't catch up. After that, I went with the flow but it was pretty brutal the first few songs. When "Bill Murray" came on, that's when I wore the cape and I had a moment to breathe and compose myself. Noel had found the cape material at a fabric store and made it for me.

This was right around when I started playing with the guitar pick for the first time. It worked out. After the concert was over there was an after party but I got offstage and threw up about five more times and then my mom drove me home in her car. She was super stressed the whole time because she didn't know how to get anywhere and I was only half-coherent. Then we got home to my apartment and my roommate was there and we ordered some more soup so I ate that and then fell asleep on the couch like a fuckin' rock star.

Photos by Miaken Christensen

MORE TOUR DIARIES

Grimes Releases Studio Version of "Go," Initially Written for Rihanna

June 26, 2014, 1:55 pm

≫ Next: The Hottest Player In the World Cup: Eliminations

≪ Previous: "I Fell Asleep On the Couch Like a Fuckin' Rock Star"

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After debuting "Go"  -- a track Grimes and Canadian collaborator Blood Diamonds originally wrote for Rihanna (who passed), at the Governors Ball festival earlier this month -- Grimes has finally released the studio version for free.

The result is nothing like the spacey electro-Goth sound we first heard on her album Visions.
"Go" was clearly written for chart-topping radio success, aligning itself with the recent flux of pop-trap hybrids like Katy Perry's "Dark Horse" and Iggy Azalea's "Black Widow." The song opens with an eerie harpsichord melody, matched with Grimes' signature breathy vocals fluttering faintly above. "When I go, can I go with you?" she softly begs, as the track dramatically surges and drops with an aggressive dubstep climax, built for one of those underground fetish parties we've all heard horror stories about. Distinctly dark and club-ready, "Go" was released just in time for New York to erupt with Pride this weekend. Your loss, Rihanna.

Photo of Grimes by Eric T. White

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The Hottest Player In the World Cup: Eliminations

June 26, 2014, 3:30 pm

≫ Next: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Goes to Brazil for the World Cup

≪ Previous: Grimes Releases Studio Version of "Go," Initially Written for Rihanna

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Click to enlarge image

Fact: Soccer players are hotties and hotties are soccer players. And nowhere is there a greater concentration of baes than at the World Cup, when chiseled, stubbled, floppily coiffed players from 32 different countries converge on Brazil for a month. (As if they needed more hunks.)

While we'll leave the incisive sports analysis to our friends over at ESPN, we've decided to make our own tournament bracket for -- that's right -- the 'Hottest Player In the World Cup.' We've picked the biggest cutie from each of the 32 different teams participating and, like the Cup itself, separated them into eight different groups with four players each. But because this is PAPER -- and not FIFA -- deciding the groups, we divided the guys into categories based on their prevailing hot dude features: Beards, Clean Shaven, Long Hair, Buzzed Heads, Metrosexuals, Tattoos, Williamsburg Haircut, and Hot Guy Next Door. Throughout the next month, we'll be pitting these guys head-to-head, perfectly-sculpted cheekbone-to-perfectly sculpted cheekbone and eliminating the competition until only one mega babe remains.

CLICK HERE TO OGLE THE ENTIRE COMPETITIVE FIELD.

Below, Round 1B

Boubacar Barry (Goalkeeper for Côte d'Ivoire) vs. Ehsan Hajsafi (Midfielder for Iran)

The Match: We're really fascinated by Boubacar's hair game (not to mention that amazing name) and he has very long eyelashes, which we like. He also looks like he could be a buzzkill on a date and talk about his ex-girlfriend. Ehsan seems like the kind of guy who would think it's really cool to own an SUV.

Winner: Ehsan. (We had to use a jawline tie-breaker for this one.)

Gabriel Achilier (Defender for Ecuador) vs. Gerard Pique (Defender for Spain)

The Match: Yes Pique is smokin' hot but he's also a little too N*SYNC twink for our taste. Achilier is our Achille's Heel HO HO HO.

Winner: Gabriel.

Francisco Rodriguez (Defender for Mexico) vs. Fabian Schär (Defender for Switzerland)

The Match: Both these guys seem like criers but Fabian looks like he's 14.

Winner: Francisco.

Luis Suarez (Forward for Uruguay) vs. Robin Van Persie (Forward for the Netherlands)

The Match: Robing wins by default. (No biting please.)

Winner: Robin.

Panagiotis Kone (Midfielder for Greece) vs. Toby Alderweireled (Defender for Belgium)

The Match: Panagiotis has "$80-get-your-hair-cut-while-drinking-a-Brooklyn-lager-and-getting-a-straight-razor-shave-while-Mac DeMarco-wafts-in-the-background" written all over him and we'd be liars if we said we weren't totally into that. Sorry, Toby, this was not an even match.

Winner: Panagiotis.

Tino Sven Susic (Midfielder for Bosnia and Herzegovina) vs. Olivier Giroud (Forward for France)

The Match: We can't get past the resemblance between Giroud and that one guy from Color Me Badd. Sorry. We tried.

Winner: Tino.

Celso Borges (Midfielder for Costa Rica) vs. Manuel Neuer (Goalkeeper for Germany)

The Match: Manuel just seems like a good time bro who loves "Ball and Chain" by Social Distortion and would always be down to drink beers on the roof. Celso looks like the kind of guy who, in his off time, can get you a loan.

Winner: Manuel. (We do love "Ball and Chain.")

Park Chu-young (Forward for Korea) vs. Maksim Kanunnikov (Forward for Russia)

The Match: Maksim looks like those guys in eighth grade who could pass for 35. He's still a little too baby-faced for us. Park looks like he would know what to do in an emergency.

Winner: Park.

Previous: Round 1A



Nicolas N'Koulou (Defender for Cameroon) vs. Mario Yepes (Defender for Colombia)

The Match: Nicolas has some amazing puppy dog eyes but male stripper Jesus is always a look that speaks to us.

Winner: Mario.

Graham Zusi (Midfielder for U.S.) vs. Miiko Albornoz (Defender for Chile)

The Match: The battle of the headbands. Miiko might have model looks but we can't shake his wealthy art scion douche chills. U-S-A, U-S-A.

Winner: Graham.

Group B:

Adam Kwarasey (Goalkeeper for Ghana) vs. Glen Johnson (Defender for England)

The Match: Sorry Adam, this isn't really fair because Glen is just 1000% hotter. We're sure you're really nice, though, and we'd still be honored to make out with you any time.

Winner: Glen.

Jerry Bengtson (Forward for Honduras) vs. (Vincent Enyeama, Goalkeeper for Nigeria)

The Match: This one's hard. Jerry gets points deducted for tapered sideburns but you can't beat those cheekbones. Vincent, you've got the hotter name (Jerry???) and your brows don't quit. Why do we have to choose?

Winner: Jerry.

Group C:

Cristiano Ronaldo (Forward for Portugal) vs. Hotaru Yamaguchi (Midfielder for Japan)

The Match: This is hard but not for the reasons you'd expect. They both look like they'd say to a girlfriend, "Are you sure you want to eat that?" and they probably own hair products that are more expensive than your monthly rent.

Winner: Cristiano.

Neymar (Forward for Brazil) vs. Eduardo (Forward for Croatia)

The Match: See above.

Winner: Eduardo. (Sorry, Neymar. We just can't get past the double piercing.)

Group D:

Carl Medjani (Defender for Algeria) vs. Ezequiel Lavezzi (Forward for Argentina)

The Match: Ezequiel would make that face while you were having your baby in the delivery room. Everything with this guy is INTENSE AS SHIT. Carl has cooler vibes.
 
Winner: Carl. Team cool vibes.

Tim Cahill, Forward for Australia vs. Claudio Marchisio (Midfielder for Italy)

The Match: Tim looks friendly but Claudio's eyes are like two sparkling Lake Comos. If you look close enough, you'll even see a glimpse of a winking George Clooney in the pupil. Ding!

Winner: Claudio.

CLICK HERE TO OGLE THE ENTIRE COMPETITIVE FIELD.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Goes to Brazil for the World Cup

June 27, 2014, 7:25 am

≫ Next: Our Favorite DJs Show Off This Season's Best Shades

≪ Previous: The Hottest Player In the World Cup: Eliminations

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Triumph the Insult Comic Dog makes his way to Brazil in part 3 of his World Cup coverage for Conan. Spoiler: Everyone gets pooped on.
 Does this come in a linen and room spray? [Uproxx]
 
How to remove an owl from your house with a Swiffer. "Please don't fly, please don't fly." [Digg]
 Uh...ok...I guess this is happening. [FYeahDementia]

Aubrey Plaza is here for you. [AfternoonSnoozeButton]

Flashback Friday. [Mlkshk]


Weeeeeeeekennnnnnnnnd. [Mlkshk]

Our Favorite DJs Show Off This Season's Best Shades

June 27, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: Fashion Industry Insiders Name the Top Models to Watch

≪ Previous: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Goes to Brazil for the World Cup

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Say whaaa? It's National Sunglasses Day? We got nine of our favorite DJs to show off this season's coolest sunnies. Scope pics of Diplo, Tiësto, Ryan Hemsworth and more, below, and click HERE to read more about each producer and see them rocking some fancy schmancy designer duds.

Diplo wears sunglasses by Gucci.

DIPLO

Ryan Hemsworth wears sunglasses by Paul Smith.

RYAN HEMSWORTH

Tiësto wears sunglasses by Giorgio Armani.

TIËSTO

Disclosure wear sunglasses by Ray-Ban.

DISCLOSURE

Steve wears sunglasses by Ray-Ban.

STEVE AOKI

Afrojack wears sunglasses by Mykita.

AFROJACK

Flosstradamus wear sunglasses by Mykita.

FLOSSTRADAMUS

Zedd wears sunglasses by Ray-Ban.

ZEDD

Richie Hawtin wears sunglasses by Bottega Veneta.

RICHIE HAWTIN

Fashion Industry Insiders Name the Top Models to Watch

June 27, 2014, 10:00 am

≫ Next: Here's a First Look at Nicole Richie's New Reality Show

≪ Previous: Our Favorite DJs Show Off This Season's Best Shades

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Everyone knows the big names -- Linda, Cindy, Naomi, Kate, Karlie, Jordan, Cara -- but the next big thing is just a catwalk or campaign away. To find out who the fresh faces to watch are we asked fashion industry insiders on who they have their eyes on this coming season. 

Dao-Yi Chow and Maxwell Osborne of PUBLIC SCHOOL: Andreea Diaconu

"We took Andreea to the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards and aside from being beautiful, like next door beautiful, she's got such a fun spirit." 

Allure Editor-in-Chief LINDA WELLS: Anna Ewers and Cindy Bruna

"Anna looks a little like Brigitte Bardot crossed with Claudia Schiffer, without any hint of retro. She's a luscious beauty with a full, pouty mouth and a double lip line, like Kate Moss. She's what the fashion world likes to call 'womanly' -- which is another way of saying she's curvy and not rail-thin."
 
"Cindy represents the great mix of beauty today. Her father is Italian, her mother Congolese, and she grew up in France. She has a majestic look and a big, winning smile; it's that rare combination of elegance and warmth."

Street style photographer TOMMY TON: Benjamin Jarivs and Mijo Mihaljcic

"When a model carries him/herself both on and off the catwalk with ease and confidence that's when I take notice. I also take into account personal style because it's a reflection of how they're adapting to being around so many different types of people in the industry and whether they want to embrace it in the way they dress. I think Benjamin and Mijo embody that 'it' factor and look so cool in everything that they wear."

Humberto Leon and Carol Lim of OPENING CEREMONY/KENZO: Emma Waldo

"We love working with Emma Waldo -- and her brother Ethan too! Not only is she so fresh and interesting, but commands such a great runway presence." 

Lindsey Degen of DEGEN: John Hein and Li Ming

"I think John's beautiful, but furthermore really funny and bright. He doesn't take himself too seriously, is a great interior decorator, loves to cook and has a degree in environmental studies." 

"Li Ming is versatile, smart and down for whatever. She is also a great dancer which makes working with her easy. You also cannot find a sweeter, more gentle person anywhere."

Lucky Editor-in-Chief EVA CHEN: Neelam Gill, Soojoo Park, Anais Mali, Ophelie Guillermand and Binx Walton 

"Neelam Gill has been one to watch ever since Christopher Bailey [Burberry] cast her. I really do hope there are more Southeast Asian models on the horizon."
 
"I love Soo Joo Park's quirky personal style and her off-the-charts Instagram!"

"Anais Mali is pure elegance and moves beautifully."

"Ophelie Guillermand is so beautiful, obviously, but there's a depth and strength to her as well."

"I love a model with short hair! Binx Walton's downtown-cool balances with refined features."

Ryan Lobo and Ramon Martin of TOME: Grace Mahary

"The minute we laid eyes upon Grace Mahary we knew we wanted her to open our first runway show. She has an elegance and GRACE beyond her years, a beauty that transcends race, and a poise that is born of intelligence and humanity. The second she steps out onto a runway her effortless stride has everyone's eyes on her. She is one in a million. We LOVE Grace!"

Designer KATIE GALLAGHER: Harleth Kuusik and Marley Chapman 

"Harleth Kuusik looks youthful and very ethereal yet has something hard and somewhat backwoods or southern looking about her -- which I love!"

"Marley Chapman is a boy that looks like a doll."

Here's a First Look at Nicole Richie's New Reality Show

June 27, 2014, 10:30 am

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Our stunning May cover girl Nicole Richie is returning to her rightful place among reality TV royalty with the new VH1 series, Candidly Nicole, and it looks absolutely hilarious. In an extended preview, Nicole declares that the show is about "big issues," which of course for her means pressing topics like 90210, exfoliating and her father Lionel Richie's use of Viagra. If you've wanted to see Nicole Richie yell, "Look at my eggs, you fucking bitch," you're in luck. We can't wait for it to finally premiere July 17 at 10 p.m. ET.

Ass, Ass Everywhere In RiFF RAFF's New Video

June 27, 2014, 12:30 pm

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On the heels of the release of his debut album, Neon Icon, RiFF RAFF's released a video for "iNTRODUCiNG THE iCON" that's one big psychotropic pastiche of weirdness, baked to perfection under a tanning bed's UV rays. A few things the video brings to mind:

-Harmony Korine's Spring Breakers
-2 Live Crew's "As Nasty As They Wanna Be" cover art
-Room Raiders' black light segments
-House of Pain's "Jump Around"
-2014 Sorority girls attending a '90s themed party

Props to Jody Highroller's Diplo cartoon, too.

Neon Icon is out now via Mad Decent

Listen to Lowell's Monster Jam, "I Love You Money"

June 27, 2014, 2:00 pm

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Canadian singer-songwriter Lowell just released the first teaser track, "I Love Money," off her debut album We Loved Her Dearly -- out Sept. 16 -- and it's shamelessly flowery and superficial, just like every summer pop anthem should be.  Lowell chants wildly over a cloud of retro instrumentation and bright, infectious melodies like a cheerleader on payday, "You live in a man's word, I live in my own world." The singer is calling the track a "feminist manifesto," offering a small glimpse into the big topics she says she'll take on on her debut album, including sexual abuse, rape, abortion, gay rights and her history with drug abuse. Check it out below.

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The Best, Worst and Weirdest of the Week

June 27, 2014, 2:00 pm

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The Free-ist Nipples: Museum of Sex's Big-Boob Bounce. The latest exhibit "Funland: Pleaseure & Perils of the Erotic Fairground" by Bompas & Parrfeatures an inflatable-boob room with nipples that are out, big and proudly bouncy. Just follow the stampede of 13-year-old boys to get there. -- Maggie Dolan

Most Badass Thing To Do While Pregnant: Run an 800 meter race. Runner Alysia Montano participated in the US Track and Field Championships this week...while thirty-four weeks pregnant. While she finished last in the race, let's be real: who cares?! This woman was lugging a watermelon inside of her while finishing 800 meters in two minutes; the only thing I can finish in two minutes is a pint of Häagen-Dazs Dulce de Leche ice cream. Props, Montano. -- Mally Espaillat  

Coolest Images For Weekend Daydreaming: The moody atmospheres and adventures captured by Brooklyn-based photographer Cole Barash. Catch a selection of his works online at Cecilia Gallery. -- M.D.

Best Collaboration: Rick Owens x Adidas. Even though these sneakers look like they were left behind from a pack of aliens, we'd still wear them to get our morning coffee. -- Justin Moran


Most Interesting Sextet of the Week: Glenn O'Brien, Scout Willis, Larry Clark, photographer Francesco Carrozzini, Shala Monroque and Tumblr 'Fashion Evangelist' Valentine Uhovski, who participated in panel together about photography and social media at W New York this week. -- A.S. [Photo by BFA]

Weirdest Celebrity Behavior of the Week: Shia LaBeouf's. He got arrested after behaving erratically at a performance of Cabaret and was later seen chasing a homeless man whose McDonald's bag he wanted. Yikes. As Mara Wilson aptly tweeted, "[I thought] he was just a dick but it seems like he may be having some serious issues." -- Abby Schreiber

Best Thing Sofia Coppola Did This Week: Directing this commercial for Marc Jacobs' new fragrance, 'Daisy Dream.' The pastel enthusiast (just watch The Virgin Suicides and Marie Antoinette one after the other and you'll see what we mean) teamed up with the designer on a short film that features model Antonia Wesseloh frolicking in the grass, playing with sparklers and being all-around adorable in white lace while Sleigh Bells plays in the background. -- M.E.

Most Romantic Remix: Different Sleep's remix of "I Won" by Future. He was one of our 11 Chicago Musicians to Know Now, and now his newly released remix of "I Won" has us shamelessly Tindering in search of the perfect match to have a romantic night with, just so we can play this track. We're thinking a candle-lit dinner, set in slow motion like a '90s R&B music video. Anyone interested? -- J.M.


The Sleepiest Supermodel To Lash Out at Vogue: Cara Delevingne. The model fell asleep and missed a Vogue interview -- twice! Plum Sykes wrote about it in the profile, which was released this week, and Cara was furious, taking her frustrations to Twitter. -- M.D.

Most Disorienting Yet Emotional Runway Show of the Week: Raf Simons S/S15 show. It started off with a no seating policy, which left viewers to stand as the models weaved in and out of the crowd, all while wearing personal photographs of Simons and his family. "It's impossible to analyse it because it all goes very deep," the designer told Dazed. High fashion and an appointment to your psychotherapist, all rolled into one event -- can you imagine the after party? -- M.E.
 

Creepiest Gift You Could Ever Give Your Boyfriend: The "Fleshlight Launchpad," an iPad cover you can have sex with. -- M.E.

Most Unexpected Model We Inadvertently Left Off Our "Models to Watch" List: Julian Assange. Ben Westwood, Vivienne Westwood's designer son, has cast the WikiLeaks founder as his star model for his London Fashion Week show this September. Watch your back, Cara. -- M.E.

Least Sexy Tweet of the Week: Molly Soda's. That's it, Molly? Just your belly button? -- J.M.

All Our Pride Coverage In One Place!

June 27, 2014, 2:30 pm

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HAPPY PRIDE!

Michael Musto Lists the 30 Best Gay Bars In Manhattan

Confessions of a '90s Drag Queen

Our Guide to the Best Pride Parties

The 25 Gayest Cartoon Characters of All Time

June 28, 2014, 10:00 am

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From Elmer Fudd to Scooby Doo's Velma, we name the cartoon characters who we've always thought would make excellent out-and-proud Saturday Morning gay icons.



1. The Great Gazoo, The Flintstones
He's the cartoon equivalent of Vincente Minelli. Case closed.


2. Velma Dinkley, Scooby Doo
Always losing her glasses and being like a major bummer 24/7, we'd like to think that Velma is living happily ever after in Fresno, teaching self defense and running her own detective agency with her wife and business partner, Daphne.


3. Secret Squirrel, The Atom Ant/Secret Squirrel Show
There something asexual about Secret Squirrel and for us that means one of two things: He's gay or he's a Scientologist.

4. Peppermint Pattie and Marci, Peanuts
The Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas of the cartoon world.

5.Penelope Pitstop, Wacky Races
If they made a live-action version of Wacky Races, she'd be played by Portia de Rossi.

6. Snagglepuss, The Yogi Bear Show
About as Queeny-Catskills-Comedian as they come, even!

7. Cruella de Vil, One Hundred and One Dalmatians
One word: transitioning.

8. Squiddly Diddly, The Atom Ant/Secret Squirrel Show
Girl.

9. Mr. Toad
He's either gay or he's Hamish Bowles' amphibian ancestor.



10. Pepe Le Pew, Looney Tunes
We know Pepe's all about tail,but it's like, WE GET IT. The lady doth protest too much, if you know what we mean.


11. He-Man, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
A muscle-daddy with a super-cute bob and a thing for harnesses, short shorts and boots.  So...yeah.

12. Cogsworth, Beauty and the Beast
We wish him and Lumiere a life of happiness. May their flame burn for time. 

13. Ursula, The Little Mermaid
What lesbian can resist underwater butt cleavage?




14. Rosie, The Jestsons
About as butch as they come.


15. Smithers, The Simpsons
Though Marge's droller-than-droll chain-smoking sister Patty Bouvier is the only out and proud character on The Simpsons, we'll always have a soft-spot on our hearts for closeted cutie Smithers. Maybe on season 69 he'll finally come out as Q. 


16. SpongeBob, SpongeBob SquarePants
Asexual, charming, and enough to make Focus on the Family run screaming into the night.

17. Elmer Fudd, Looney Tunes
Closeted Jesse Helms realness.


18.Tasmanian Devil, Looney Tunes
A bossy bottom if we've ever seen one.


19. Hamton J. Pig, Tiny Toon Adventures
F to M nasty pig.


20. Yosemite Sam, Looney Tunes
His handlebar mustache gives us strong un-re-constructed '70s Castro-daddy vibes.

21. Betty Boop
Lotta Weimar group sex in her past.


22. Bluto, Popeye
Just add a dick outline and he's a Tom of Finland guy. We've definitely seen that torso on Grindr.


23. Riff Raff, Heathcliff
What lesbian doesn't love an over-accesorized pussy? 


24. Tigger, Winnie the Poo
A coked out club queen who's into party and play. Willing to travel.

25. The Wonder Twins, Super Friends.

Gender-fluid crime fighters in a world where everyone looks like a chic lez.

"My Life With Bradley Cooper" Is Your New Favorite Instagram

June 30, 2014, 7:30 am

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Meet your new favorite instagram: My Life With Bradley Cooper, in which a woman takes her Bradley Cooper cut-out with her everywhere. Bradley Cooper at the store! Bradley Cooper mowing the lawn! Bradley Cooper at the beach! You're our hero, lady. [Uproxx]

Chris Rock's monologue at the BET Awards, or "the black world cup" last night was so mean and so good. "Rick Ross will be the first rapper to die of breast cancer." Stop it!  [Uproxx]
 

Erykah Badu crashed a Pix11 reporter's live news segment on Shia LaBeouf and tried to kiss him. This is the best. [Jezebel]

I'd say this makes up for it. [Mlkshk]

Kanye X Kanye. [FYouNoFMe]

New York City neighborhoods you've never heard of. How will we push back against scaffoldication? [LaughingSquid]

Let this man putting on pants without using his hands be your Monday spirit guide. [Reddit]

Top 3 Must-See Films This Summer

June 30, 2014, 9:00 am

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Boyhood
Richard Linklater's extraordinary, incredibly moving coming-of-age film, which took over 12 years to complete, leisurely depicts Mason (the dynamic Ellar Coltrane, who was seven when Linklater started filming and 18 when he finished) growing up with his sister (the director's daughter Lorelei Linklater) and divorced parents. His mother (Patricia Arquette) desperately tries to better herself by going to teaching school but keeps hooking up with troubled alcoholic assholes. Their dad (Ethan Hawke) is a loveable loser who steadfastly tries to be a part of their lives. It's rare to see a film that captures a young man's journey into adulthood so compassionately and with such bracing brilliance.

Night Moves
This spellbinding, unbearably tense film about eco-terrorism is set in and around the communal farm world of Oregon. Director Kelly Reichardt (Wendy and Lucy, Meek's Cutoff) artfully unfolds this tale of the tightly wound farmer Josh (Jesse Eisenberg) and the idealistic rich girl Dena (Dakota Fanning) who meet up with an ex-marine named Harmon (Peter Sarsgaard) to pack a boat with explosives and blow up a dam. Reichardt's minimalist, observational style serves the characters' increasing paranoia well as the ramifications of their deed tighten like a noose around them. It's undoubtedly one of the talented Reichardt's finest films.

The Sacrament
For his latest film, director Ti West, the master of mood and menace, uses a documentary style to tell the tale of three Vice Media employees: Sam (AJ Bowen), Jake (Joe Swanberg) and Patrick (Kentucker Audley) who set off to an isolated compound in a remote tropical location to visit Patrick's brainwashed sister Caroline (a chilling Amy Seimetz). At first everyone there seems happy, but when the trio meets Father, the messianic cult leader (a folksy and frightening Gene Jones), a sense of apprehension sets in. Anyone familiar with the Jonestown massacre will know where this is heading, and when the film kicks into gear it's ferocious and very suspenseful.

Boyhood image Courtesy of Matt Lankes.