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All the posts on www.papermag.com.

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    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 4.23.41 PM.pngIt's about Milli Vanilli, and it's about time. WOW, a work-in-progress closing out its brief run this weekend at BRIC House, recasts the Milli Vanilli story as an experimental opera, using spontaneous composition and live-feed video to explore the notorious CD skipping incident of 1989. (To recap, a faulty backing track at a concert compelled the band's creator to admit that Rob and Fab didn't sing their own songs, live or in the studio.) While we certainly don't revel in Milli Vanilli's downfall, we did start thinking about other pop stars whose struggles with authenticity would make for really smashing operas.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 6.04.43 PM 1.pngLa(na) Traviata

    Taking a cue from WOW, which "challenges the endless repetition of the CD-skip moment," this immersive theatrical experience frames the space with two giant screens -- one showing old footage of Del Rey's short-lived singer-songwriter phase, when she was known as Lizzy Grant, and the other looping the listless pirouettes of her notorious Saturday Night Live performance. Critical hatchet jobs, blog rants and Brian Williams' face flash across these images. The audience is encouraged to get up and explore, perusing the dusty acoustic guitar, the boxes of Lana Del Ray [sic] a.k.a. Lizzy Grant CDs, the checkered vans and Ben Sherman polo shirts from the ska phase she almost certainly had -- while the lead contralto sits on the floor, phone in hand, singing real-time hate-tweets to the tune of "Once Upon a Dream."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 4.12.23 PM.pngBorn With These

    Innocence clashes with puritanical fervor in a heartbreaking piece based on the travails of the goth-glam metal band Black Veil Brides. Last year, a photograph surfaced of the band playing in front of a tower of fake speaker cabinets. Singer Andy Biersack tweeted this in response: "We use staging in our stage show. Also these are tattoos, I wasn't born with the batman logo on my arm." The title song sees Biersack stark naked in a shrinking pool of light. As the music fades, he touches his Batman tattoo and says, "Actually, that one's henna."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 4.12.12 PM.pngLa Sinfonia Agrodolce

    In which a young ensemble on its way to superstardom is waylaid by a ribald band of pirates who uproariously demand full credit for a song they didn't write. Viewers will notice a resemblance to the "Bittersweet Symphony" case, in which the Rolling Stones and their army of lawyers managed to transform the Verve's hit song (which contained a sample of a rearranged Stones song) into a Jagger-Richards composition. Hence the scene in which the young bandleader, now penniless, delivers his plaintive aria, "You Guys Are Fucking Dicks."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 4.11.52 PM.pngPatty No-Takes

    In a time of confusion and corpulence (the middle-Clinton years), Hole drummer Patty Schemel is exiled from the studio during the making of Celebrity Skin, her parts steamrolled by an uncredited studio drummer whom Schemel bitterly refers to as "Johnny One-Take" in the documentary Hit So Hard. But unlike the documentary, the opera comes to an anguished climax with "Take 1,000": while the villainous producer demands take after take (think "Night Train" from Einstein on the Beach, or "39 Lashes" from Jesus Christ Superstar), Schemel rises miserably from her drums and is carried offtage by a chorus of men in wrestling shoes and fingerless leather gloves.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 4.11.36 PM.png
    Boney in the USSR


    Inspired by the groundbreaking Nixon in China, this Iron Curtain-ruffling spectacular follows megaplatinum dance act Boney M on its 1978 tour of the Soviet Union. Bandleader Bobby Farrell gives a tour de force performance when Boney M performs in Red Square, lifting the spirits of almost 3,000 Russians with songs like "Baby Do You Wanna Bump." The band's mysterious creator, Frank Farian, watches from the wings, at one point stepping downstage to sing the ominous "Needs Stretch Pants." As we learn in a chilling coda, Farian goes on to create Milli Vanilli.





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    Meet Tinderella, your new favorite fairytale for the Digital Age. "Once upon a time, a girl saw a boy on Tinder, she swiped right and..." The rest of the tale is depressingly accurate (but definitely worth a watch). [via College Humor]



    This Brooklyn crossing guard has way sweet moves. [via Hyper Vocal]

    WCSI363837_I-1_Valentine_Promo_Page_ReservationB-476x1024.jpgDon't forget to make your reservations for Valentine's Day at White Castle, folks. (Chicago is almost full.) [via Uproxx]

    Screen Shot 2014-01-29 at 6.12.12 PM.pngThere's a petition with the U.S. government to deport Justin Bieber back to Canada and it already has 100,000 signatures, which means the government has to officially respond. [via Gawker]

    tumblr_n04dtkhgGL1qzcv7no1_500.jpgBoom. [via Afternoon Snooze Button]



    Here's a great clip of British people trying to describe the Super Bowl. [via Buzzfeed]



    Last night the Full House guys had a reunion on Jimmy Fallon with Danny Tanner, Uncle Jesse and Joey going to comfort Jimmy after he was worried about his move to The Tonight Show. Uncle Jesse even did his Elvis impersonation, ya'll!  [via Late Night With Jimmy Fallon]

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    LINKS:

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.20.18 PM.pngBarney's spring campaign features 17 transgender models, all photographed by Bruce Weber. The models' personal stories will also run alongside the images on the store's site. [via Fashionista]

    Here's an unofficial guide to Taylor Swift and Lorde's friendship you never knew you wanted. Ahh yes, it all started with burgers... and the rest was history. [via Pop Sugar]



    Deerhoof have a new video out for their track, "Flower." Mancini detective theme. Surreal horror. [via YouTube]

    Ahead of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Super Bowl appearance on Sunday, comedian Jon Daly made this excellent fake RHCP song, "Abracadabralifornia" that includes lyrics like "she jammed my butt with a big stick." Give it a listen. [via AV Club]


    Tim Heidecker has a cooking show. It's every bit as weird, gross and captivating as Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! [via YouTube]

    A group of NYC twentysomethings are developing a "Tinder for airplanes" app. Because of course they are. [via Animal New York]

    TIPS:

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.33.38 PM.pngLocal dance-pop outfit LEGS play Rockwood Stage 2 tonight. This gorgeous video, shot on a Long Island City rooftop, should get you in the mood.

    The first installment in artists Sara Jimenez (who some might remember from her stint on Bravo's Work of Art series) and Jade Yumang's performance series, The Butter Body Politic, opens tonight at Strange Loop Gallery.

    Tim Gunn and FIT Director Valerie Steele will talk all things fash-un tonight at the Brooklyn Museum. [via Flavorpill]


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    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 3.21.29 PM.pngWhether you're psyched that the Super Bowl is heading to New Jersey this year or you think its presence in the New York metro area sounds more horrifying than the bastard child of New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day, we've got ten fun NYC spots to catch the game for fans of all stripes.

    Knitting Factory
    The Williamsburg venue's gonna be showing the Super Bowl on two projection screens and four flat screen TVs. Come early because this place is gonna get packed.
    Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Ave., Brooklyn

    W Hotel
    Missed out on getting Super Bowl skybox tickets? S'ok! Head to any of W's three Manhattan locations for your own box, booze, and buffet experience. (And besides saving you the trek to Jersey, it also comes with a better price tag.) Less die-hard football fans can also tag along and enjoy W's specialty tailgate-inspired cocktails.
    W Hotel, Various Locations

    Hôtel Americano

    Hôtel Americano is throwing a game-day rooftop bash, which includes a tailgate, live performance by hip-hop trio Holistic and an after party that'll rage 'til 4 a.m.
    Hôtel Americano,  518 W 27th St, New York

    Pork Slope
    For 75 bucks, you can pig out at Dale Talde's Pork Slope, which'll be whipping up an all-you-can-eat barbeque feast featuring burgers, pork melt sandwiches and unlimited pitchers of beer.
    Pork Slope, 247 5th Ave, Brooklyn

    Jimmy @ the James Hotel

    Glamourpuss NFL fans can head to the Jimmy to watch the game, soak up the rooftop views and snack on pigs in a blanket -- Kobe beef pigs in a blanket (but of course).
    The Jimmy @ The James Hotel, 15 Thompson St, New York

    Nitehawk
    Sports meet the silver screen at Nitehawk Cinema where $25 gets you wings and beer in addition to primo viewing of the Super Bowl. And the best part? The Puppy Bowl, a.k.a the real game, will be screening in the lobby.
    Nitehawk Cinema, 136 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

    Bud Light Hotel
    In honor of the Super Bowl, Budweiser is sailing a Norwegian cruise ship to NYC and transforming it into Bud Light Hotel -- a.k.a the ultimate parked booze cruise. On Sunday, you can check out the game and watch performances by Fall Out Boy and Jake Owen but the boat's gonna be docked all weekend, so you can get started the party started early and catch shows by The Roots, Run DMC, Imagine Dragons, and more.
    Bud Light Hotel, Pier 88, New York

    The Standard Biergarten
    Enjoy a good hefeweizen and a giant pretzel while you watch the game at the Standard Biergarten, who will also be doling out prizes every quarter to a few lucky guests. Get there early to join their tailgate, which features live music, and stay late by booking a two-night all-inclusive party for 10.
    The Standard Biergarten, 848 Washington St, New York

    GYM Sportsbar
    Guys who like guys -- and sports! -- can head to GYM Sportsbar for their Super Bowl party, which promises drink specials all night and no cover.
    GYM Sportsbar, 167 8th Ave, New York

    Brooklyn Winery
    Not a huge fan of beer? And you call yourself an American? Just kidding! Head to Brooklyn Winery's Super Bowl party to enjoy some Pinot with your pigs in a blanket while rooting on your favorite team.
    Brooklyn Winery, 213 N 8th St, Brooklyn 

    With additional reporting by Gabby Bess



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    Yesterday, a surprisingly cool-headed Justin Bieber plugged the new video for his song "Confident" via Instagram, where comments ranged from "Don't care you about all haters they are stupied!!" to "Wot a cunt." The video has a marked resemblance to Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" and a dramatic interlude with some super-crinkly junk food that recalls that other timeless moment of subtle acting and naturalistic dialogue: Beyoncé feeding Lady Gaga a honey bun in the "Telephone" video.

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    danalorenzfashionfund.jpgLast week Ovation debuted its new season of its formerly online-only series The Fashion Fund, in which 10 designers compete to be named Fashion Fund Designer of the Year by Vogue and the CFDA -- an award that comes with $300,000 and a one-year mentorship from major fashion bigwigs. We asked Fallon designer Dana Lorenz, a former Fashion Fund contestant herself, to recap the series. (That's her to the left. Hi Dana!) Tune in to Papermag every Thursday for her thoughts on last night's episode.



    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 4.45.42 PM.pngFacing the committee

    On the second episode of The Fashion Fund we get to know a bit more about the designers and how they thrive (or buckle) under pressure. The designers have to visit the Vogue offices and present an edit of their past, present and future collections to this iconic panel and answer the toughest of questions about their businesses, all within a 15 minute time limit. By "limit" I mean WITH A TICKING TIMER that sounds off signaling the end of what only seems like 2 minutes. The judges ask all kinds of questions, but the trick is to stay calm, cool, collected, yet informed.

    Rule of thumb: not too much coffee, not too much Klonopin. And be prepared!

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 4.45.18 PM.pngMisha Nonoo's presentation

    I remember when I was at this stage of the process in 2011, a good friend (who is a major designer who will remain nameless so don't ask!) gave me a list of questions typically used and I refined all my answers and recorded them on my iPad. Every night for a week I played my voice recording before bed, and although it was excruciating to listen to my Fran Drescher-esque voice over and over, I felt like I was not only prepared to emotionally talk about my creative passions and the fantastical aspect of fashion, but also the business facts in front of the judges. Future Fashion Fund finalists: KNOW YOUR DREAM MENTOR. Doesn't everybody have a designer they aspire to be in terms of a successful business model? Tom Ford admits he wasn't "Tom Ford" until Domenico DeSole put him on the back of his white horse.

    I am very curious to see what the judges have to say about the studio visits on the next episode. Will we have another Proenza Schouler or Alexander Wang in this round? Or will the judges find really good mood boards and the next big fashion director of a big company? Don't get me wrong, the latter would still be very credible, but is this type of designer "Fashion Fund worthy"? The judges are really asking themselves if a designer is bringing something into the world that is entirely new, interesting and exciting and if that business should be nurtured and cultivated. I think the judges are starting to draw a line between fashion and product in this episode and are making decisions as to which designers have what it takes to be their next star.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 4.45.26 PM.png Juan Carlos Obando gets a model ready for the committee

    Highlights:

    -Parabellum's details -- love original cast pieces of hardware. It's all in the details, people.

    -DVF's sunglasses at Vogue -- where to buy? In store? Online?

    -Steven Kolb's inquiry about the "animals" in Marc Alary's work -- Steven, will there be a special-order owl pin in your future? (Owl-themed gifts -- Steven Kolb's good side.)

    - Public School's anguish over their interview -- we all do what we have to do to get by, guys, and we can tell you really want this.

    - Ovadia and Sons sound bytes -- twins? That accent? More air time, please!






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    Slow clap for Dr. Phil's advice for Justin Bieber. [Uproxx]


    J2Yg4XP.jpg
    Ice, Ice Bieber. [Reddit]


    Here's a video of a man giving belly rubs to some baby wombats. Wait a minute, are baby wombats our new favorite animal? They're like little bear piglets. [TastefullyOffensive]

    tumblr_n05onyiiCg1qahhxwo1_500.jpgHaha, your mom owns this restaurant. [TheClearlyDope]


    What does it mean that I laughed during this trailer for Seth McFarlane's new Blazing Saddles-esque A Million Ways to Die in the West? What is happening? Help meeee! [Popculturebrain]


    A step by step guide to writing a song by Trent Reznor.


    X0G3.jpgDon't be late! [Nathaniel Russel]

    X050.gifFriday inspiration. [Mlkshk]


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  • 01/31/14--08:45: Football's Super Butts
  • We asked our in-house sparkle queen -- and newly-minted Super Bowl correspondent -- to weigh in on his favorite, uh, tight ends in the NFL. Below, Mr. Mickey names his Top 10 Best Football Butts.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.47.01 PM.png10. Victor Cruz, Wide Receiver for the New York Giants

    "If football doesn't work out for Victor, he should consider a career in adult male films with that butt and sexy armpits. He can go far."


    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.52.47 PM.png9. Jay Cutler, Quarterback for the Chicago Bears

    "Hello, I'm from Chicago and Mr. Cutler has a butt that's more petite and squeezable. Not everyone likes a big, giant, jumbo Tim Tebow."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.57.17 PM.png8. Troy Polamalu, Strong Safety for the Pittsburgh Steelers

    "He's a strong safety and check out his position -- he's cradling the ball. Case closed."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.01.01 PM.png7. Tramaine Brock, Cornerback for the San Francisco 49ers

    "Tramaine has kindly provided a drool-wiping towel. He must be a giving lover."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.03.15 PM.png6. Mark Sanchez, Quarterback for the New York Jets

    "He's hot and he loves Broadway. I don't even need to see his butt and I'm ready to go all the way."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.05.28 PM.png5. Arian Foster, Running Back for the Houston Texans

    "Oh my! Oh my goodness. This is a great, big hunk of man."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.09.30 PM.png4. Eric Decker, Wide Receiver for the Denver Broncos

    "He has his own TV show so we know he's a bit of an exhibitionist. Score!"

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.13.35 PM.png(Photo via ESPN)

    3. Colin Kaepernick, Quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers

    "Never mind the butt -- look at those abs!"

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.15.56 PM.png2. Tom Brady, Quarterback for the New England Patriots

    "If that butt's good enough for Gisele, it's good enough for me."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 2.17.44 PM.png(Photo via ESPN)

    1. Vernon Davis, Tight End for the San Francisco 49ers

    "He's a Tight End. Wink wink."

    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 11.36.39 AM.pngHonorable Mention: Tim Tebow

    "Although we disagree a bit on social issues, Tim is undoubtedly a churnin' hunk of burnin' funk. He's welcome to pray any time as long as he faces the opposite direction."


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    1. Ms. Betty's Original Bad-Ass Bitch Candle

    il_570xN.544844472_bt1h.jpgLike we've always said, why throw shade when your candle can do it for you?

    2. "Flawless" Brooch

    il_570xN.557397908_ipwe-1.jpgLadies, tell em'.

    3. Wes Anderson Journals

    il_570xN.492950509_ezjq.jpgInspired by Wes Anderson's troubled heroines, these journals are perfect for the bookish QBIC.

    4. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies Bag 


    il_570xN.376289181_7nby-1.jpg
    [A woman is surrounded by dozens of tote bags] "Okay, okay, just one more tote bag," she says to the host of Hoarders.

    5. LINDS-ZINE

    il_570xN.492575475_5zx5.jpgA zine "inspired by Lindsay Lohan and her struggles with the law." #neverforget

    6. The Lizard Tee from Girls

    il_570xN.442298575_p9wq.jpgHannah Horvath v. A Model. Who wore it best???

    Screen-Shot-2013-11-22-at-11.59.44-AM-640x360.png7. Dolla Dolla Billz Y'all

    il_570xN.321067479.jpg"Girls don't like boys / girls like balloons and money" is how that Good Charlotte song goes, right?

    8. Shelley Duvall Pillow

    il_570xN.235409969.jpgNow we can FINALLY reenact The Shining every night before we go to sleep.

    9. Hand Earrings

    il_570xN.534192903_p0sg.jpgIn the name of Cher Horowitz we're bringing back "Talk to the hand" and "As if!"

    10. Best Friends Rip-Apart Print

    il_570xN.535248395_k2k1.jpgAs they say, besties that Etsy together, stay together.



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    Paper's editorial director Mickey Boardman is dedicating the next 100 days to getting in shape. Track his progress every Friday here in his weekly fitness diary. Join us below for his first entry, as he recounts the king-sized Payday bars he ate this week and the fresh hell that is going to a dubstep SoulCycle class when you're out of shape.


    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 1.24.36 PM.pngOh god, what have I gotten myself into?

    Height: 5'7
    Current weight: 241
    Goal: To find personal joy, satisfaction and have a meaningful romance with a financially independent South Asian gentleman.

    My name is Mickey. I'm 47 years old, obese and have arthritis in my big toes. Not exactly what you would call an athletic type but, nonetheless, I've decided that I need to go whole hog with a fitness makeover for 2014.

    I'm no stranger to fitness makeovers. I did one for Paper back in 2002. It was the first time I really had ever given exercise a real try and shockingly enough, I loved it. I always thought people who said that exercising actually gave them energy were lying assholes but it turned out that after my training sessions I had a real spring in my step.

    So for this 2014 attempt at a fitness makeover, I made an appointment with my trainer and recommitted to going to Weight Watchers meetings. Weight Watchers has worked wonders for me in the hundred years that I've been going to meetings. Well, it's worked wonders whenever I actually followed the program. Still, being a trendy fashion victim I felt like a needed something new besides the usual cardio and weights sessions. I needed the exercise equivalent of paprika to spice up my health and fitness program, if you will. And I have two words for you: Soul Cycle. Wait, actually, it's one word: SoulCycle. (Insert eye roll here.)

    My work friends Jamie and Katie are both SoulCycle addicts. As a former heroin and speed junkie sober for 16 years, I know addicts. And the SoulCycle addicts I've met make the crackheads and speed freaks I've known over the years look like Carmelite nuns. These people mean business. I asked Jamie exactly what it is about SoulCycle that has her drinking their cold press, sugar-free Kool-Aid. "It's a hard workout," she says. "I'm 100% sure I've blacked out on the bike only to come-to in time to do the next choreographed move. But the lights are kept low in the room, so you don't feel on display or judged by your peers." She went on to say, "I go because it never gets easy." She sounds like a Nike ad! I'm sure she didn't really black-out on the bike. Well, I'm pretty sure.

    Katie had taken me to one class with her favorite instructor, Stevie, who had dreadlocks and tons of tattoos. I was so busy concentrating on not dying of exhaustion that the 45 minutes flew by. I don't even have the words to describe the music Stevie played because I'm 47 and consider Demi Lovato to be a very "now" artist, but it was very hip and "dubstep" or something. It sounded very much like an electric saw dismantling an old school bus. Demi Lovato it was NOT.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 1.27.41 PM.pngWith instructor Emily at my favorite '80s SoulCycle class.

    Jamie promised to take me to some classes where I would actually hear music that had some old fashioned touches like a melody and lyrics. Personally I'm happy doing ANYTHING as long as we're listening to something perky and pop. Show tunes or classic hip-hop will also do. Give me Britney, 2Pac, Digital Underground or Angela Lansbury's rollicking version of "By the Sea" from Sweeney Todd! We ended up going to an '80s-themed class and I was in heaven. The instructor Emily was dressed like she was at a Jazzercise class. I couldn't see anything in class because I don't wear my glasses while I work out -- plus the only light was coming from a single candle in the front of the room --  but even in the dark I could make the neon pattern of Emily's spandex leggings as I sweated to '80s gold and stadium power anthems like it was that episode of the Golden Girls where the ladies take aerobics and get bamboozled into buying those sparkle disco outfits. Heavenly. 

    Maybe it's just me, but it's a lot easier to do shit like stand up on a bike with your special shoes buckled onto the pedals, lean forward and back, bend, and do all of those other fuckery SoulCycle moves if it's set to "Let's Hear it For the Boy" from the Footloose soundtrack. Even after the four classes I've done so far, I'm still not exactly fully coordinated. But being old, obese and arthritic I feel like it's a triumph for me to make it through the class alive. Each time I end up drenched with sweat and with the adrenaline high that comes from that kind of insane exercise.



    Things are off to a great start but I have to confess that while I'm doing two SoulCycle classes and two training sessions a week, I'm also eating like my usual carb-addicted, French fry-loving, lard-ass self. Being a vegetarian, I do eat fruits and vegetables, but I prefer grilled cheese sandwiches, penne arrabiata and a loaf of bread smothered in salted butter. My afternoon snack runs to Walgreens often result in king-sized Paydays, Heath bars, Tate's chocolate chip cookies and nacho-cheese Doritos, which are all washed down with a 16 oz Diet Dr. Pepper. Not too be too preachy, but one thing about Weight Watchers that I really love is the fact that it's not a diet. You're not forbidden from eating "bad" foods, it's just all about how many points they are and working it into your daily allowance. Even so, I do tend to do things in extreme. When it comes to eating, I'm either shoveling in the slop or surviving on cottage cheese and pineapple chunks. It's either or. That said, the more I exercise and the more fit I become, the less I enjoy the taste of junky snacks. Right now, though, it's still all about snacks. And I'm OK with that.

    My goal for this week is to really get a grip on my Weight Watchers program and track what I eat. So far today, I've had an egg and cheese on a bagel and two Tate's chocolate chip cookies. I'm a work in progress. And hopefully doing this diary will shame me into making better food choices.They say great bodies are made in the kitchen not the gym! We shall see about that.



    mickeyfitness-3.jpgmickeyfitness-1.jpgmickeyfitness-2.jpg






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    LINKS:

    charlie.png
    Since unceremoniously exiting Girls, Charlie is really trying to pull his life together. Vulture "found" his post-breakup Tumblr and it's hilarious.

    Long-time New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn has resigned. We wish her well and...if she ever wants to co-write a "Hottest Butts in Fashion" with Mr. Mickey, she knows where to find us! [via WWD]



    Chromeo's Dave 1 and Toro y Moi romance some mall mannequins in the video for their new song, "Come Alive." The clip debuted on Shazam -- the first time the music app has ever premiered a video -- and users had to play the song on Soundcloud and ID it on the app to release the video.  [via Mashable/YouTube]

    Jesse Eisenberg has been cast as Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman, which also stars Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill in the respective title roles. Uhh...okay. [via First Showing]

    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 1.56.41 PM.pngPrabal Gurung released his first-ever print campaign today starring a gorgeous Liya Kebede appearing in diptychs next to a flaming rose. [via Fashion Times]

    Happy Friday: Meet "NYC's first professional cuddler." [via Gothamist]

    TIPS:

    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 2.24.31 PM.pngFinger on the Pulse is hosting a "A Midwinter's Disco Slumber Party" tonight at Playland Motel on the Rockaways. There'll be a party bus schlepping kids from the East Village and Brooklyn and guests have the option of buying an all-in package that includes rooms at the motel for the night or a "dance-and-go" deal. [via Flavorpill]

    Our favorite Akron blues rockers, The Black Keys, play Roseland tonight. [via Time Out]

    Head to Salon 94 this weekend to scope their brand new exhibit, Born, Carlos Rolon, 1970, a solo show by Chicago-based artist Carlos Rolon (a.k.a. Dzine) inspired by "self-fashioning" and "customization" and the DIY culture found throughout Puerto Rico. [via Salon 94]

    Looking for a fun/non-douchey place to watch the Super Bowl in NYC on Sunday? Check out our round-up of the Top 10 spots airing the game. [via Papermag]

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    First things first, Annie Clark's hair in her video for "Digital Witness" is ah-mazing. Like Spike Jonze's Her, St. Vincent imagines a future of mid-century modern color-blocking and a dusty-hued landscape -- though in Clark's version, there aren't any OS devices and everyone's a bit of an automaton. That said, we would happily step into the void with her if it looks this chic. Watch the video for "Digital Witness," above.

    "Digital Witness" appears on St. Vincent's forthcoming self-titled album, out February 25th via Loma Vista.


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    In honor of this weekend's Super Bowl, we're making Starship's go-for-the-big-win single "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" our oldie but goodie music video of the day.  This jam was also the theme from the 1987 film Mannequin, which, like most of the '80s movies you loved as a kid, are totally racist, homophobic and sexist when you watch them now. (Looking at you too, Sixteen Candles.) Anyway, this video is amazing because it features Starship's Grace Slick and Mickey Thomas rocking intense '80s mullets and doing some horrifying Oscar-worthy re-enactments from the movie. Play on repeat Sunday. Eat dip all day. 

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    enhanced-buzz-5408-1390717642-11.jpg
    Best "Beyoncé-Themed Thing" of the Week: The ABC's of Beyoncé. If it was up to the internet, this would be on the walls of every classroom in America. -- Gabby Bess

    Most Exciting TV News of the Week: There's going to be a Seinfeld reunion, people! -- A.S.


    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 12.14.13 PM.jpgFiercest Instagram Photo of the Week: Mykki Blanco's. Fur? Leather thigh-highs with a matching jock-strap? Check, check, aaand check. -- G.B.

    Shortest Retirement of the Week:
    Shia LeBeouf's. The Beef is coming out of his three-week long retirement to star in a movie with Bill Murray, Zooey Deschanel, and Danny McBride. -- G.B.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 6.13.11 PM.pngBest Kanye Photo We Saw All Week:
    This photo Jezebel found in the murky depths of Reddit of a woman whose kneecap very much resembles the rapper. #ILLUMINATI -- A.S.

    Saddest Beer-Related News of the Week:
    The news that the FAA were putting the kibosh to beer drones. Guess we'll have to keep buying our six-packs like fuckin' PEDESTRIANS. -- A.S.

    Screen Shot 2014-01-30 at 1.20.18 PM.pngBest Fashion Campaign of the Week:
    Barney's new campaign featuring 17 gorgeous trans models shot by Bruce Weber. -- A.S.


    Best Cartoon We Watched All Week:
    Tinderella, a fairytale starring a lonely young woman and your favorite dating app. -- A.S.

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    enhanced-12988-1391394022-37.jpgBasically this is the face Peyton Manning made the entire night. Sad times. [Buzzfeed]

    BfhFENNCMAEwzlL.pngHis bro Eli was just as sad. Your "Fuck this" reaction shot for 2014, right here folks. [@Jose3030]

    enhanced-743-1391392396-3.jpgPaul McCartney eating pizza during the game, giving no shizzes. #TeamZa. [Buzzfeed]


    tumblr_n0ec27qi9k1rdwlr8o1_400.gif
    Former Paper cover boy Bruno Mars shut it the F down during halftime show. The splits! YSL head to toe! This is how it's done. [Beast17sa]

    qSYaIw0.gifOh, also this. Bruno Mars is quickly nearing National Treasure status. [Reddit]

    hilarytweet.pngBOOM. [Buzzfeed]

    tumblr_n0eagi5lRI1ssoe4no1_500.gif
    In other news, H&M's David Beckham Super Bowl commercial revealed that he has no body hair. Also, he is a magic sex person. [DailyMail]


    That big Seinfeld reunion everyone was freaking about last week was really just for a dumb dumb commercial. Womp womp. Boo!



    Did Homer Simpson not call this? [Reddit]

    Joe_Namath_Fur_Coat_Super_Bowl_XLVIII_Sidelines_Pictures_Video.jpgOMG, Joe Namath's TRADITIONAL FUR COAT. He looked like a Long Island nana embalmed in self-tanner and hairspray. Get it, gurl! [ABC]

    IqIViog.jpgAlso, this. [Reddit]


    Meanwhile, it was Seth Meyers' final SNL episode this weekend. Stefon, Amy Poehler and Andy Samberg showed up to bid him farewell and it was the best.
     

    Also, SNL's CVS Valentine's commercial was excellent.

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    Screen shot 2014-02-02 at 11.59.38 PM.pngThis week, Hannah meets a new publisher and Marnie goes to Ray for some straight-talk express.

    1. Surprise! Hannah's editor had a wife!
    Jennifer Westfeldt made a great cameo as David Pressler Goings' widow and totally calls Hannah out when Hannah acts surprised that he was married to a woman. (And even better when Westfeldt says, "Well he was [gay]. Sometimes.") Will we get to learn more about his backstory and what happened to him? Considering the fact that his death seems like more of a plot device for Hannah's continual creative struggle, probably not.

    2. Of course Hannah would be using the funeral to network

    One of the best lines of the whole funeral scene was when Hannah told Adam "I'm not leaving until I've locked eyes with [New York Times literary critic] Michiko Kakutani. I told you that." Though it was truly excruciating when Hannah pressed David's widow to give her names of other publishers, I felt an iota of sympathy for her because, as Lena Dunham points out in an "Inside the Episode" segment, Hannah's writing is all she has and you can sense the kind of desperation she feels when it's in jeopardy that would lead her to make such tactless decisions. That aside, what continues to remain frustrating is that Hannah's already been called out by Adam on her behavior and the fact that she is unable -- or unwilling -- to alter her actions and show more sensitivity in this situation drives me nuts. I would have liked to see more character growth here.

    3. Shosh nervous breakdown in 3-2-1
    Since the beginning of the season, we've learned Shosh has been balancing "hijinks" (a.k.a. casual sex) with studies but from the moment we saw her burrow into her hoodie, it seemed like the writers were setting her up for a downfall. We only get a few minutes of Shosh time in this episode but already she seems stressed and on the verge of having a major meltdown -- will the writers "go there" and take the character into a dark place (like Hannah in Season 2) or will they keep her problems banal and comedic like much of Shoshonna's character traits throughout the past two seasons? I'm honestly not sure which scenario I prefer.

    4. I liked getting more of Caroline and Adam's back story

    We don't know anything about Caroline and Adam's parents but Caroline made an interesting remark when she said, "I spent my formative years raising you." It's hard to take Caroline's word at face value because she's an unreliable character but it's interesting to consider the Sackler parents for a second. Were they out of the picture? Neglectful? Work-a-holics? Addicts? Deceased? I hope more of their family dynamic and family history gets fleshed out before the season is over. We've gotten little bread crumbs in the past -- Adam's preemptive decision to attend AA seems to imply that alcoholism may run in his family -- and with the introduction of Caroline, I'd love to see the familial snapshot complete.

    5. Despite the fact that Hannah compared herself to Dr. Phil, she showed a surprisingly decent ability to mediate the Sackler squabbles
    I was very skeptical when Hannah attempted to stage a mediation (or intervention as she put it) á la Dr. Phil but she showed some good insight when she told Adam that his criticisms of Caroline were also qualities that he shares. And, for perhaps the first time, Hannah used her own experience (as an only child, which was also the name of the episode) to show insight into someone else's. I thought her most effective line as an amateur social worker came when she told Adam and Caroline to appreciate one another more because, as an only child, all she wanted was to have a sibling.  

    6. The joke about Adam Driver's multiple careers was great
    I loved the subtle reference to Adam Driver's multiple careers as an actor and former Marine. Ditto when, later in the episode, Caroline tells a rambling story about almost getting cast in the movie Independence Day. I assume this was also a reference to Gaby Hoffmann's career as a child actress though a quick Google search didn't indicate whether Hoffmann was ever, in fact, up for the role of Alicia Casse (fyi that role went to Lisa Jakub who many might remember as the daughter in Mrs. Doubtfire).

    7. Was anyone else a tiny bit uncomfortable when Hannah had to sell herself to the editors?
    When I initially watched the episode, I chalked up Hannah's joking about "being 15-40 pounds overweight depending how far away from the coast I am" and "my brand is Tombstone [Pizza]" as a result of her not really knowing "who she is" and, despite her constant self-focus, being unable to articulate "her brand." After watching Lena Dunham's commentary and viewing the episode a second time, however, I was struck by the idea that in order to impress her editors, Hannah felt that she had to play into the "overweight, sassy girl" trope. That she had to do a song and dance to win their respect -- and a book deal -- which might not have been the case had she been thinner or "more conventionally attractive." I don't often attribute the same premium Hollywood places on attractiveness to the literary world but seeing Hannah use self-deprecation to sell herself made it clear that at least in her mind, joking was the surest -- or the only -- way to win them over.     

    8. WHY OH WHY DID MARNIE AND RAY HOOK UP?!?!
    This was fun and juicy but whyyyyy? As soon as that hug lasted more than 1.5 seconds, it was clear shit was going down. Throughout the past two seasons, it's seemed that Marnie and Ray have eyed each other with suspicion -- if not outright contempt -- and it brought Ray tearing Marnie a new one for that dislike to turn to lust. I can only guess that Marnie's sudden vulnerability made her more attractive in Ray's eyes (he'd already said he liked her because he sensed her insecurity) and Marnie wanted to feel better about herself. After what happened when Marnie revealed to Hannah that she'd slept with Elijah, I can't wait  to see whether -- and how -- this hook-up gets revealed to Shosh. Along those lines, my one big complaint about this season so far is that there hasn't been enough interaction between the four Girls girls. As much as their work and romantic lives are interesting (and, occasionally, depressingly relatable), I've always been most fascinated by the dynamics between the friends. I hope Marnie has to face the wrath Shosh's side braid at some point.

    9. Caroline is wrong about her brother's M.O.
    I thought Caroline missed the mark when she was talking to Hannah and accused her brother of only being there for the good times. As much as a dick as Adam can be, let's not forget that he still took care of Hannah during her OCD tailspin.

    10. Adam's freak out doesn't bode well
    Adam's reaction to the news that Hannah kicked Caroline out ("I'm supposed to be taking care of her!") makes me think that we're being set up to see some sad shit in the next episode. The naked glass-crushing in episode three was cuckoo but part of me thought she was just doing it for attention. Adam's concern (after all his irritation) makes me wonder if we'll next see Caroline in the psych ward -- or worse.  

    Best lines of the episode:

    "He had gay apps on on his iPhone and liked to show his ankles but what does that even mean in this day and age?" -- Hannah

    "This is a space cigarette invented by Stephen Dorff..." -- Jessa
    "If you're serious about improving yourself, you need to do more than just smoke Dorff cigarettes. You need to grocery shop and, like, condition your hair even though I know it does so well with natural oils." -- Shosh

    "It was a DOULA!" -- Caroline

    "You're like Kathy Griffin on truth serum." -- Mo, the Editorial Assistant

    "What do you think I do?" -- Ray
    "I don't know. Read, eat soup, write letters of complaints to local businesses." -- Marnie

    "Fuck, how many pairs of underwear do you wear?" -- Marnie



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    mickey_super_bowl1.JPGI wouldn't exactly say I'm a sports fan but when my friend, Jackass genius, Johnny Knoxville asked me if I wanted to go to the Super Bowl, how could I say "no"? I met him at his hotel and quickly realized that my delusions of being famous are just that -- total delusions. Everywhere we went that day, hysterical fans yelled Johnny's name and asked for photos and basically made a big stink over him. It's fun seeing full-grown straight men get hysterical over the star of Bad Grandpa.

    mickey_superbowl2.png
    I went with Johnny and his wife in an SUV to MetLife Stadium and shockingly there was no traffic at all. Getting there early gave us time to wander around the Coaches Club before settling into our fabulous seats in the sixth row, on the 30-yard line. We were pulling for the Broncos because Peyton Manning went to the University of Tennessee and Johnny -- surprise, surprise -- is from Tennessee (hence the name "Knoxville"). Sadly, it wasn't a great day for Mr. Manning.

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 12.34.32 PM.pngEven if you don't know anything about football, there was an excitement about being there and seeing 82,000 fans freak out. Right as the game was starting, I noticed that they flashed Johnny and his wife, Naomi, and I on the Jumbotron. Luckily I had taken off my coat and was wearing my L'Wren Scott sparkle cardigan. Let me tell ya, sequins look great on the Jumbotron.

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 12.31.57 PM.pngI was expecting nachos, mozzarella sticks and all kinds of other rotten, Super Bowl tailgate food. Unfortunately the Coaches Club was a bit more sophisticated with tacos by Jean-Georges and sushi by some fancy chef. That said, I had an order of french fries and two big Mrs. Field's cookies.

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 12.34.20 PM.pngFormer Paper Cover Boy Bruno Mars knocked everyone's socks off at Half Time. Naturally as a raging homosexual, I was disappointed not to see past Super Bowl goddesses like Beyoncé or Madonna but Bruno is an amazing performer and really drove the crowds wild. As did the Red Hot Chili Peppers who look like they haven't aged a day.

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 12.37.26 PM.pngThere was a moment of excitement when my new boyfriend, Eric Decker, caught a pass. I was so proud we included him in our "Best Butts of the NFL" story.

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 2.41.12 PM.pngSince things looked hopeless for the Broncos, we left at the beginning of the fourth quarter and, thank god, there was no traffic yet. The New Jersey police had the craziest uniforms though -- they looked like they were Bulgarian border guards or something.

    Photos by Mickey Boardman and Naomi Nelson


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    LINKS:

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 12.57.29 PM.pngA naked Miley Cyrus with bleached eyebrows and bobbed hair covers W this month. She was shot by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott and interviewed, interestingly enough, by Ronan Farrow.

    Here's an interesting piece on males and celibacy over at Thought Catalog.

    Ryan Gosling talks about the shady business that is the casting couch in this clip from Seduced and Abandoned, a new documentary by James Toback and Alec Baldwin. [via Nowness]


    Major Lazer has a new song out with Pharrell, "Aerosol," that's set to appear on their forthcoming EP, Apocalypse Soon, out later this month. And apparently Tyler, the Creator is a big, big fan of the track. [via Pitchfork]

    march-2014-hollywood-cover-vf.jpgVanity Fair teased a photo of their 20th Annual Hollywood Issue cover and it looks like they've heeded complaints about the lack of diversity in previous covers.

    TIPS:

    Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 1.47.39 PM.pngSerge Becker's outpost of London's super chic, "sex shop-themed Mexican restaurant," La Bodega Negra, opens tonight (for VIPs only, that is) inside the Dream Downtown.

    Authors Elif Batuman and Gary Shteyngart read from their new works, The Posessed and Little Failure, respectively, tonight at the 92Y. [via Flavorpill]

    Wyatt Cenac (The Daily Show, King of the Hill) hosts his weekly Night Train stand-up series at Littlefield tonight featuring comedians Marina Franklin, Sabrina Jalles, Matt Koff, Rob Cantrell, Sam Morril. [via Littlefield]

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    Today, the first video from Xiu Xiu's new album, Angel Guts: Red Classroom, makes its blood-soaked debut on Stereogum. We've been waiting for this album since the band announced that it would take on "racialized sex, double suicide, double penetration, criminality, fear of physical harm..." Fitting, then, that this video is one long B-movie murder scene. Singer Jamie Stewart, as ever, manages to sound violently unhinged and totally in control at the same time.

    Angel Guts: Red Classroom comes out on Polyvinyl tomorrow.

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    Jimmy Kimmel's "Lie Witness News" is baaaack. This time he went around asking people about fake shit that happened during the Super Bowl such as a racist Cheerios ad, an entire fifth quarter ("so the Broncos could catch up") and Padma Lakshi's second-half gametime performance. Excellent. [via Jimmy Kimmel]

    tumblr_n09c3tl0KB1ru5h8co1_500.gifDo they make this in bedroom art form? [via Tall Whitney]



    Now take a moment and please enjoy some McDonald's drive-thru doo-wop. [via Hyper Vocal]

    tumblr_myztcdyzN71qlityfo1_500.pngWho wore the apathy better? [via Afternoon Snooze Button]

    tumblr_n0f3kpX4tK1r0wqrdo1_500.jpgBOBBY ROZAY. [via Humor Train]

    tumblr_n08qxe3WJW1rtgzofo1_500.jpgBusted. [via F Yeah Dementia]

    Screen shot 2014-02-04 at 8.34.08 AM.pngThank you for the lovely sentiment. [via Pleated Jeans]



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